03x07 - Meatball-a-Rooney

[bunniefuu]

- (Liv laughs)

- (Bell rings)

That's gonna look great, Carl.

Great?

Liv!

That was amazing!

Yeah, we have a big fight coming up later, so we're just practicing now so that it looks real.

What brings you by, Joe?

Well, can't a loving brother just stop by to say hi to his super-hero sis?

Yeah, of course.

You're just so not that brother.

No.

No, I am not.

I am the brother who wants to make money off your popularity by selling autographed Voltage gear!

Ha!

(Laughs)

A Voltage frying pan?

What Voltage peanut butter?

You know it.

You put the Voltage logo on all this junk?

Okay, once you sign this "junk," it becomes memorabilia.

Liv, look at this.

They are heirloom-quality goods!

Check this out.

Voltage bowling ball.

Because lightning strikes.

(Laughs)

Wow, that is awful and never going to happen.

- Liv, please sign it oh!

- Ah!

Ow!

I think you broke my toe.

Okay, okay, don't move!

I have a Voltage first-aid kit.

(Liv moaning)

Is it a bad time to ask you to sign it?

Okay, yeah, it's a bad time.

(Theme music playing)

Better in stereo Bet bet better in stereo - I'm up with the sunshine - Let's go - I lace up my high tops - Oh, no Slam dunk, ready or not Yeah, show me what you got - I'm under the spotlight - Spotlight I dare you, come on and follow You dance to your own b*at I'll sing the melody When you say yeah I say no When you say stop All I want to do is go, go, go You, you, the other half of me, me The half I'll never be be The half that drives me crazy You, you, the better half of me, me The half I'll always nee eed When we both know We're better in stereo.

Okay, girls, welcome to Camp Porcupine!

You girls are going to have so much fun this week learning all about the best sport in the world Both: Basketball!

So I am Coach Maddie and this is Coach Willow.

We met at a basketball camp when we were your age.

Yup.

And we're still friends and teammates today.

So we are going to teach you girls how to play basketball like the state champion Ridgewood Porcupines.

(Both squawking)

(Sighs)

So that is our Porcupine cheer.

Feel free to join in.

- Yes.

- Porcupines don't sound like that.

Lula's right.

She would know.

Her dad's a forest ranger.

Okay, well, thank you, Anina and Lula.

Willow and I are running a camp for young girls because we are so passionate about encouraging them to play competitive basketball.

It also looks really good on all of our college applications.

But it is mostly the passionate part.

How lucky are you girls?

You are being taught by our MVP, Maddie "Mad Dog" Rooney, who is going to Southern California State University next year on a basketball scholarship.

All: Wow!

Thanks, Willow.

But no one has offered me a scholarship yet, so Well, they're gonna.

'Cause she's, like, really good.

Yeah.

SCSU is my dream school.

Um, I visited there when my sister Liv was living in LA, and the coach let me play with the team.

All: Cool!

I helped Maddie make a highlight reel of our game footage to get her a scholarship to SCSU.

One day, she'll play in a national championship and I will propose to Joey on a Jumbotron!

You can't say no on a Jumbotron!

Right?

Hey, Dr.

P, wanna go to the park after lunch and see who can spit over the top of the backstop?

A spitting contest?

You picked the wrong fight, son.

I've got a loogie in the back of my throat I've been working on for days.

Let's go.

And no!

I need you to sit back down, boys.

But, Mom, we're spittin'!

Mmm.

Honey, I need you to sit back down, swallow your loogie, and finish your Brussels sprouts just like you finished your meatballs.

But meatballs taste like meatballs.

Brussels sprouts taste like butt.

Okay.

Well, until they invent vegetables that taste like meatballs, you are stuck eating, ahem, butt.

Challenge accepted!

Challenge?

What challenge?

The challenge of turning butt-tasting vegetables into delicious meatballs.

- What?

- Mm-hmm.

Good luck with that, kids.

Dr.

P doesn't need luck.

Reggie, turning veggies into meatballs has stumped scientists for centuries.

I know it won't be easy, but being a legend never is.

Remember when my gerbil, Run-D.

M. Gerbil, d*ed?

That little dude always dreamed of touching the stars.

Yeah.

I sent him into outer space in a soup can.

That was you making dreams come true.

I have kind of given Reggie the impression I can do anything.

Sometimes I worry that's the main reason he hangs out with me.

I can't let my buddy down.

No "buddy" left behind.

Come on!

Build a machine that'll make so many meatballs, we can make meatball snow angels!

You know what?

Challenge accepted!

This one's for you, Run-D.

M. Gerbil.

May your space wheel never stop spinning.

Hey, sister whom I love and would never purposely injure.

How are things?

I don't know.

How about you ask my broken toe, Joe?

What?

Because of me?

No, I'm Liv, I'm so sorry.

Yeah, they shut down production on Voltage.

It's okay.

I mean, there's really nothing that you can do about it now.

No.

No, you know what?

That it not true.

I, Joseph Gilligan Rooney, do hereby pledge to be your manservant until such a time as you are healed.

Oh, Joey, that is definitely not necessary and actually not very appealing.

Liv, please.

Please let me make this up to you.

I feel so horrible.

There's got to be something I could do.

Come on, my wizard code demands it.

Well, I don't want you to feel bad.

Yeah.

And I guess it is going to be kind of hard for me to get around places.

Yeah.

Just relax.

Your wish is my command.

I am a little hungry.

Lucky for you, I've got a sandwich in my pocket.

Boom!

You just got man-served!

Whoa!

Is that the mail?

Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme!

Okay, um, not from SCSU, not from SCSU, no, no, no, no, no, no.

What what is this?

This is all garbage!

And my paycheck.

Just you know what it is?

You know what I think it really is?

I think that the mailman is just stealing my letters from SCSU.

Yeah.

I mean, 'cause that's the only, like, logical explanation.

I mean, unless they rejected me.

But tell me they didn't reject me!

- Okay.

Okay, Maddie?

- Yeah.

I know that waiting to see if you got a scholarship is stressful.

But relax.

I'll bet SCSU hasn't sent a letter to anyone yet.

- Yeah.

- SCSU sent me a letter!

I got a scholarship!

What?

Really?

Yeah.

The recruiter saw me on your highlight reel and then called Ridgewood to get my info.

Now we can play together for the next four years!

Five if we fail some classes!

Congratulations, Willow.

Thanks, Mrs. R. Mads, we get to be together at SCSU!

I call top bunk!

I actually didn't get a letter.

Oh.

Are you sure?

Not from SCSU, not from SCSU, no, no, no.

The mailman must be stealing your letters!

Let's go get that jerk!

Come on.

Thank you for coming, Reggie.

You might want to take off your hat because I'm about to blow your mind!

Behold!

The Veg-A-Meat-A-Ball-Inator!

In go the gross vegetables teeming with icky flavor.

(Whirring)

What's it doing?

What's it doing?

The Veg-A-Meat-A-Ball-Inator is now infusing the vegetables with meaty goodness.

(Fanfare)

(Whirring dies down)

Reggie, eat your vegetables.

Excellent texture.

Complex flavor.

Just a hint of umami.

This veggie meatball shouldn't be possible.

But with Dr.

P, anything's possible.

It's not possible.

There's no scientific way to turn veggies into meat.

He's eating 100% meat meatballs.

I just couldn't disappoint my friend.

I'm not proud of the lie.

But I am proud of my meatballs.

They're delicious.

I can't believe eating healthy tastes this good.

Try it with the teriyaki sauce.

(Whirs)

(Fanfare)

Mind blown.

Hey.

Your manservant/ handsome brother brought you your favorite soup from your favorite soup place, Casey O-Soupy's.

Oh!

(Sniffs)

Ooh, that chicken noodle soup smells amazing.

Chicken?

I thought I got barley.

(Both gasping)

- Hot, hot, hot!

- Oh, Liv, I'm so sorry!

It's okay.

It's okay.

I'm really actually not hungry.

Okay, all right.

Then your manservant will switch gears.

How about I curl your hair?

(Squeals)

I really don't think that's such a good idea.

Trust me, I'm good at it.

Mom makes me do her hair before our late-night supermarket runs, and she is the hottest old lady in the applesauce aisle.

Please never repeat that sentence again.

Like, ever.

Just sit back, relax, and let the salon master Joe-say Roo-nay do your 'do.

Mmm.

This is actually kind of nice.

Thanks, Joe-say.

(Laughs)

It's the least I could do for crushing your toe and spilling hot soup all over you.

(Sizzling)

All right, team!

Good run!

Now make sure you drink plenty of water.

Yeah, okay.

So today we are going to work on jump sh*ts.

Before we get started, does anybody have any questions?

Do you have pink cups?

Basketball questions, Anina.

Do you have pink cups for basketball practice?

So non-cup-related basketball questions.

Anybody?

Coach Maddie, did you get your scholarship from SCSU yet?

Mmm.

No, actually, I did not.

But Coach Willow did.

But SCSU was the school you wanted to get recruited to.

It sure is.

And I am sure she will.

Why would they pick you over Coach Maddie?

Duh.

Because Coach Willow must be better than Coach Maddie.

But Maddie was MVP.

Not at SCSU, she wasn't.

I guess Willow's the best.

The best?

She wouldn't even be on SCSU's radar if it wasn't for me.

Because I'm not good enough?

That's not what I meant to say.

Yeah, but you said it.

I heard it.

Ha.

No, no, no, no.

I didn't mean it.

You know?

I'm sorry.

I'm just honestly I think what it is is I'm not used to coming in second best.

Oh, okay.

So this friendship only works when you're the MVP and I'm, what?

The faithful, supportive friend.

No!

Willow No, why can't you just be happy for me?

- I - I celebrate all your success, Maddie.

What?

One win for me and you can't handle that?

That is not my idea of friendship.

Is camp over?

Because my mom works until 3:00.

Is there anything better than playing meatball checkers?

Well, it is going better than your meatball tennis idea.

King me.

Reggie was going through meatballs so fast that I couldn't keep up.

So I created a giant meatball storage t*nk on the roof.

They come down a tube, through a wall and into a machine.

I'm trapped in a lie a delicious, meaty lie.

(Sighs)

Parker!

Why can't he invent something that puts itself away?

Are you kidding?

I made you a little something.

It's a meatball necklace.

(Meatballs rolling)

- (House creaking)

- Uh-oh.

It's raining meatballs!

Dr. P!

You are a miracle worker!

Reggie, I'm not a miracle worker.

I'm a liar.

The Veg-A-Meat-A-Ball-Inator is a fake.

I didn't make meatballs from vegetables, I just put real meatballs into a t*nk on the roof, which has somehow exploded.

But why would you lie?

Because it was the first time I couldn't meet a challenge.

And I didn't want to let you down.

Dr.

P, you could never let me down.

I look up to you because you'll try anything.

Thanks, Reggie.

It means a lot.

Besides, all I really wanted to do was to make meatball snow angels with my best friend.

Well, sh**t, we can do that right now.

Drop and give me angel!

We're probably the first people in the history of the world to make meatball snow angels.

Welcome to the final frontier!

Hey, Mads.

Don't even start because I'm fine.

And no, I have not talked to Willow yet.

Quit asking me all these questions and give me some space.

I wasn't going to say anything.

Okay.

Okay!

(Laughing)

You really weren't going to say anything?

It's really tough when a friend gets something that you want.

But, Maddie, it's not Willow's fault that she got that scholarship and not you.

And a scholarship is very important, but a best friend is so much more than that.

I thought I told you to give me some space.

Thank you.

And by the way, I hope your toe feels better.

Thanks.

It's so super weird.

It really only hurts when Joey is around.

- Livvie, Liv, Liv!

- Get out!

I mean, hey, Joey.

Hey.

I have a surprise for you.

Oh!

Who's ready for dinner and a show?

Yeah.

I'm out.

Don't leave me.

Joey, what are you doing?

I am treating you to your favorite dining experience, teppanyaki!

The ancient Japanese art of cooking with a sizzling-hot griddle and razor-sharp knives.

- Joey, don't!

- Liv, relax.

I took a 20-minute online tutorial.

All right?

Just sit back and let my Kn*fe-flipping skills take you on a culinary adventure.

A little slippy on the grippy.

Okay, stop!

Put your knives down.

Mmm, because ding!

Oh, what was that?

Oh, it's I got a text.

Oh, it's from it's from my it's from my doctor!

And he says that I'm fine!

I guess toe bones heal really super fast!

Who knew?

Must have been all that TLC that I got from my brother.

Yay!

I'm useful.

Okay.

So yesterday got a little tense.

But today, we are back to basketball.

And we are going to be working on some free throws.

Where's Coach Willow?

Um, I don't think she's going to be coming today.

'Cause she's mad at you?

Wow, you just cut right to it, don't you?

I don't want to play basketball anymore.

It destroys friendships.

Big time.

Okay, let's let's huddle up real quick.

Little team meeting.

So basketball is an amazing game.

And if I have made it seem like anything else, I'm really, truly sorry.

And being on a team is a privilege because you get a special group of friends called teammates.

And teammates see you at your best and definitely at your worst.

And if you don't let them know how much you appreciate them, you risk losing them because you're just a big stupid head.

You are a big stupid head.

I didn't think you were going to come.

I stopped to get pink cups.

I'm so sorry that I was so jealous.

I am so proud of you for getting that scholarship.

I'm thrilled.

And you deserve it.

I'm just I'm really nervous that something that I've wanted for so long maybe isn't going to happen for me.

Oh, Maddie.

You're gonna get in too.

And even if you don't, you will always be my teammate.

They made up.

They're best friends again.

I'm crying and I don't know why!

(All laughing)

Come here, girls.

Let's do a big group hug.

(Making Porcupine sound)

(Playing)

You're not Liv.

Joey, what are you doing in my room?

Well, I'm taking care of Liv.

And so when she went back to work, I thought when she got home, she would want to hear the soothing sounds of my squeezebox.

Okay, Joey, no one wants to hear your stupid squeezebox.

Get out.

Okay, I don't think you understand, - I'm her manservant, so - Right.

So she's healed now and no longer needs you.

Get out.

Well, I hope I don't injure you, 'cause it won't be any fun being your manservant.

Okay, get out.

Liv?

What are you doing?

Pretending to be you to scare Joey away.

He's way more afraid of you than he is of me.

Yeah, true dat.

By the way, your Maddie is getting, like, really good.

I know, right?

Both: Bam!

What?

Yes.

Joey: A little slippy on the grippy.

(Boings)