03x10 - The Mettle of Man

Episode transcripts for the 2015 TV show "Ash vs Evil d*ad". Aired October 2015 - April 2018.
"Ash vs Evil d*ad" centers around Ash - the aging lothario and chainsaw-handed monster hunter - who has spent the last 30 years avoiding responsibility, maturity and the terrors of the Evil d*ad. When a Deadite plague thr*at to destroy all of mankind, Ash is finally forced to face his demons both personal and literal.
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03x10 - The Mettle of Man

Post by bunniefuu »

The Dark Ones.

They're here.

Ruby k*lled me.

She k*lled me with the dagger.

There's someone else inside of her body.

That's why Kelly couldn't come through the rift.

Her soul doesn't have a body to come back to.

It's a little weird having Kelly doing this to me.

Pablo, I'm going to the hardware store so get the rift ready.

I got Kelly, I got the Necronomicon.

Ruby's d*ad.

We interrupt this program with an emergency bulletin.

Due to the extensive violent rioting, the Governor of Michigan has implemented Marshall Law.

The Dark Ones, they got the Necronomicon.


Run, run, run!

Go, go!





As your father, I will always tell you to stand up for what you believe in.

But in this case...


Pablo, help me get Kelly's body!

- Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

- Get that dagger!

I got it!

One by one, we will take you!

Brandy, duck!

This way!

Out the back door!

Give me that dagger!

Come on.

d*ad by Dawn!

d*ad by Dawn!

I have never been so proud.

Come on!


Oh, yeah.


What is that?

It's Kandar, the Destroyer.

And it's come to test the mettle of man.


We're doomed.

This is it, Ash.

Everything that's ever been foretold: The Necronomicon, your destiny.

It all comes down to this moment.

It's the final test, Jefe.

He's right!

Ash is the demon k*ller.

So go!

Go k*ll the demon!

Yes, I do k*ll demons.

But that...

that thing is...

bullshit, man.

No way.

I'm not doing it.

If it's here to test you, then...

then you will get out there - and you will fight!

- Let go of him!

Get your hands off me!

Go out there!


Let go of him!

Damn you, Ash Williams!

You're no hero.

You're a coward!

And you're going to get us all k*lled!

Well, I'm not gonna let that happen.

Hey, he's here!

Hey, Ash Williams, is the one you want!

- Dude, that's a really bad idea!

- He's right here.

Let's go!

I'm right behind you!

This can't be real!

This can't be happening!

Oh, it's real.


This is a bit worse than usual.

A bit worse?

Dad, what are we going to do?

How are we gonna fight that thing?

Maybe it'll just go away.

Guys, check this out.

Auckland, Paris and Berlin are now reporting similar events to New York.

Militaries in affected countries are being mobilized.

Let's go over to Gordon Daly in New York.

What happened?

- What did you see?

- Ah, ah, the...

the hole opened up in the ground, these creatures, ah...

The demon came out and started attacking everybody.

Oh, my God.


It's global.


Oh, great.

I've doomed humanity.

Yeah, well, you know what?

Not like I didn't tell 'em.

Pablo, how many times you heard me say this, huh?

Why me?!

Who am I?!



Guy from Elk Grove, Michigan.

Where the f*ck is that?

In the middle of Jack shit nowhere.

That's where.

You know what?

I got news for you.

I didn't ask for this!

You think I want this horse shit?

Be covered in blood twenty four-seven?

Who the f*ck would want that?!

Savior my ass.

I'm a... a god damn failure.

Don't say that.

- Jefe, we're still in this.

- Yeah.

We got Kelly's body.

- We need to save her.

- Yeah, why?

So she can die with the rest of us?

So she can die with the rest of the human race?!


I don't know much about this Evil d*ad crap, and I know even less about why it chose you.

But it did.

You're the "Savior of Humanity" so get on your damn feet and own up to who you are!

In the short time that I have known you, I have seen things that I never thought existed.

Seen you do things that I never thought possible.

You taught me to trust you, you taught to believe in you.

And I do.

Please, don't let me down now.

You're right by God.

Oh, boy.

Give-give me a hand here.

I've been kicking Evil's ass for more than thirty years.

Who cares if Kandar is six feet tall or six hundred?

I'm gonna show the world what a Williams can do.

First things first.

Is this really the best time to be getting baked?

I'm not gonna fight that thing with a clear head.


- Don't do drugs.

- But you...

Are not going to pick up the bad habits of your father.

You got that?

- Yes, Dad.

- Okay, gear up.

Get some water, some food, some tools.

- Where are we going?

- You are going out of town.

No, I'm not leaving now.

You can't stay here.

Evil has a bullseye on my back the size of Tiger Stadium.

I can't put you in any more danger.

No, I can take care of myself!

- No!

- Why not?!

Because I can't watch you die again!

Look, I know that we don't really know each other...

but you're my daughter.

You're part of me.

Yeah, and you're all that I have left now.

- If we are going to die...

- Again.


I want to die together.

I'm a Williams too.

We're family.


Hey, Pablo, lets get back to that rift and save Kelly's soul, because honestly, I can't stand her smell much longer.

But how?

Evil's all over Elk Grove.

There's no way you and Brandy are gonna make it - to the hardware store.

- What?

And you can?

There's something about my Brujo abilities.

Evil sees me as one of them.

So, you're like Kane.

That's what I was thinking.




He's a wrestler.

Half good, half bad.

Come on, Brandy keep up.

Pablo, you can't do this alone.

I know a way me and Brandy can get there without being seen.

Okay, this connects to the main line in town.

Which leads right to the hardware store cellar.


Always thinking one step ahead of Evil.

Those are military jets, Jefe!

Okay, this won't take us long.

We'll meet you there.

- Ready?

- Fine.

Let's dance.


What is this place?

Well, most of Elk Grove drains right through this abandoned mine.

It's this way.

Holy shit!

They're just making it more powerful.

Three days ago my biggest concern was getting out of Elk Grove.

Now I'm under it, with Ashy Slashy, who turns out to be my father and we're facing the end of humanity.


That's a hell of a shit sandwich, kiddo.

I eat 'em everyday.

I'm really sorry.

That must've really sucked going through everything you did and no one believing you.

When this is all over, I'd really like to hear about it.

And you.


Hey, uh...

The night I first found the Necronomicon, I had this.

I've never told anyone this before, but ever since that day, I always carried this necklace on me.

Not sure why exactly.

I guess I thought it would keep me safe.

I want you to have it.

- Oh, I can't take that.

- No, please.

Trust me.

I can't keep doing this shit forever.

It belongs in your hands now.

I feel better knowing that you have it.

Thank you.

I don't think we're alone down here.

- Ashy Slashy hatching and saw.

- Don't worry.

It's only one of 'em.

And all of his buddies.

Ashy Slashy...

cuts off your tongue so you can...


That way!

Where are you going?

Get out of here, daughter.

We're not finished with you!


Evil's upstairs.

They're in the drains too.

Okay, no time to waste.

- Do me.

- No, I'm going in.

What did I just tell you about the "not dying" thing?

- Oh, my God!

- You wanna be grounded?

- My God.

- One foot in each world.

Jefe, the rift's already open.

- I might be able to just go in.

- No, Pablo.

- What if you're wrong?

- What if I'm right?



I can do this, Jefe.

All right, go get her.

Brandy, hang onto that!

I got these jokers.

And I got this guy.

Here we go.

We found you Ash!

The Book of the d*ad is now ours...

Your Mama should have taught you not to speak with your mouth full.

Heads up.

What the f*ck!




No, no, no.



I brought her through.




I don't understand.

I wanted to save you, but I couldn't.

I'm sorry.

Descansa en paz, mi amor.

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

You're fine.

You're safe.

Am I alive?

- Mm-hm.

- You're alive.

- Hi.

- Hi.

What the actual...

f*ck me!

Oh, I look like Keith Richards.

I was thinking more Iggy Pop.

Filthy and not fine.

Yep, there's two of 'em now.

- Hey, Ash.

- Easy.

I'm sorry, Ash.

I thought I could take Ruby on my own.

I thought I could be like you.

I was wrong.

f*ck' A right, you were.

Oh, Ash, what the hell did you do this time?


Didn't do anything.

The Dark Ones have the Necronomicon.


Get out!

Get out now!

Dad, don't leave me.

I won't, kiddo.

I promise you.



Where are you, Mom?

Hi, hey, you okay?

You hurt?


Fall back!

Bravo, cover f*re!

Move, move, move!

Come on!

Move it, move it!


Hold your f*re!

- Everybody okay?

- Oh, yeah, I'm fine.

- Let's go!

- I repeat, fall back...

Federal law!

There we go.

All right, hang on tight!

Fall back!

Move back!

Move back!

Back, back, back!

Oh, shit!

Behind you!

Watch out!

Come on!

f*ck you!


Come on!

I got ya!

- Come with me!

- Get 'em in there!

Let's go!

Let's go!

Get into the transport!

We're evacuating!

We're out of time, people!


Strike group authorized!

They're gonna nuke it!

God damnit!

Not until we're clear!

On our signal!

On our signal!


That won't k*ll it.

It's only gonna make it stronger.

- Bigger.

- Hey, chief!

I wouldn't nuke that thing if I were you.

Get your ass into the transport or you're on your own, cowboy!


- Give me that!

- f*ck!

- Yeah, you want some more?

- Come on, let's go!

Let's go!

Get in there!

Gather up the rest of this!

We're out!

We then f*re!

Dad, get in!


What are you doing!?

My father always said I ran from my fights, Brandy.

I'm not running from this one.

Ash, come on.

Get in the f*cking truck!

Kelly, the people are gonna need a strong leader.

Someone they can depend on.

Someone they can believe in.

That's you.


You're the Jefe now.

You save them.

You said you wouldn't leave me!

I'm doing this for you.

I'm doing it for all of you.

I gotta finally for once, own up to who the hell I am.

Soldiers, we are leaving!

Let's go!

I repeat.


Come get some.

Oh, that could be handy.

Okay Ash, just like Battle Zone, the arcade game.

How hard could it be right?

Sorry, Pablo!

My bad!

That's it.

Come on, you bucket of bolts!

Okay, big boy!

Ashley J.

Williams is coming for you!


There you are, you big bastard!

Don't go anywhere.

I've got a little something for ya.

Locked and loaded.

Hey, you bag of assholes!

You looking for me!?

You want to test the mettle of man, huh?

How about if you taste the metal of man?!

Oh, crap!




Oh, boy!

Oh, boy!




The Savior is awake.


Oh, no.

It's all gone.

Not everything.


What's going on?

Where's my daughter?

I'll explain while you drive.

The Dark Ones are on the move.

How do you feel, Sire?


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