04x11 - It's Love, Actually

[bunniefuu]

- [CHEERING]
- [UPBEAT IRISH MUSIC]

Hell of a party for a three-week fling.

Well, when Josh falls, he falls hard.

- Humble-brag much?
- Not me.

I'm happy for him. I mean, not now.

Now I'm sad for him.

♪ ♪

[LAUGHTER]

[PHONE CHIMES]

_

Who's d*ck dialing you
on a Wednesday night?

Jay. He's, uh, he's just asking me out.

- Ooh, you gonna ask him in?
- We are taking it slow.

He is a viable, legitimate prospect.

You make him sound like
renters insurance.

Hmm.

- ♪ Hey ♪
- [CHEERING]

Oh, the band!

Oh, didn't get you guys

on the Instagram story
since you wouldn't dance.

Wow, Clare, you and Josh

really packed it all in this week.

I know, it would be obnoxious,

except for you guys are so cute.

Yeah, but if I only had a
week left with a hot piece...

and I'm talking about Clare...

I'd skip all those tourist traps

and, you know, get in my last lick.

Oh, we've got plenty of licks in.

It's true. This is the first time

we've left my room in two days.

We photoshopped those in between.

In between what?

- Licks.
- [LAUGHTER]

- [RATTLING]
- Ooh! Free sh*ts!

- What? Where?
- Free sh*ts!

- Yes!
- Oh, my God.

[SIGHS]

- How you doing?
- Honestly...

terrible.

I mean, I couldn't be with you

because of timing, and you introduced me

to the perfect girl.

I can't be with her because of timing.

Do you have a hospice patient

you could introduce me
to next or something?

No. No sad eyes tonight.

I will Irish good-bye
your asses so fast.

[LAUGHTER]

Here you go.

- To Clare.
- BOTH: To Clare.

No, to Liza.

It's her fault we're in this damn mess.

ALL: To Liza!

To me.

Hey!

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

[SIGHS] You're leaving.

We'll never get to know what
we could've been, you know?

Yeah.

Well, that sucks.

Now you've gone and
ruined our last snuggle.

Hey.

This doesn't need to be our last one.

We could visit each other.

This has been so amazing.

- I know.
- [CHUCKLES]

I always dreamt of being a New Yorker...

and dreamed of coming here

and grabbing the city by
the short and curlies

and...

falling in love with the
perfect New York guy.

- And you did it.
- I didn't, though, did I?

I'm going home today. I failed.

Come on. Failing is what
makes you a New Yorker.

Everyone in this city gets
knocked on their ass.

Whoever gets up... gets to stay.

In two years? When I can
get another work visa?

And in the meantime, we have, what?

A transatlantic relationship?

This was wonderful, but...

we've got to let it go.

♪ When I've lost it all ♪

♪ And I've got nothing left ♪

♪ Will you stay? ♪

♪ Will you stay? ♪

[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC]

And lastly, a reminder
that we look forward

to seeing everyone at the
Publicity Awards tomorrow night.

Our very own Diana
Trout is being honored

for making "P is for Pigeon"
the sleeper hit of the year.

Well deserved.

Liza, Kelsey, can you
stay back a moment?

- What's up?
- The manuscript

for "Marriage Vacation" is going around,

and people are really responding to it.

Liza, you did a terrific job.

- Thank you.
- It is so strong, in fact,

that we are going to make
a serious awards push.

So we wanted to discuss
a strategy with you.

Of course, we're in.

We have so many marketing ideas...

We would love to hear your input,

but first, we have a pitch of our own.

We think that the book

would have a better chance
for this kind of attention

if it was released as
an Empirical title.

Empirical has a strong tradition

of prestige literature.

Purely a branding issue.

Millennial has a brand,

a very successful one.

That is not untrue.

But we worry that the
critics would hesitate

to nominate a title from a
house that brought them

a book written by a labradoodle.

That book... while hugely popular

and very important to the
bottom line of this company...

is not our only title.

What she means is

we do have a youthful brand,

but "Marriage Vacation"
is our first step

towards more mature territory.

What do we have to do to
be taken seriously here?

We will table this for now.

Just something that we are considering

and we wanted to give you
the courtesy of being

- a part of the conversation.
- [UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Unbelievable.

Empirical hasn't had a hit all year

so he just wants to steal ours?

Hold on. We are all on the same team.

A rising tide lifts all boats.

I know. And we're the tide.

I'm pissed. Why aren't you?

I just don't know if there's
anything we can do about this.

- [PHONE CHIMES]
- [SIGHS]

_

- Great, and now Zane is texting me.
- _

- When it rains, it pours.
- You guys are still in touch?

I think he gets off on rejection.

- I mean, it's so foreign to him.
- _

He wants to meet for dinner.

- Right.
- I've got to get

- to this book party in the park.
- _

We will figure this out.

Just don't do anything rash, okay?

_

- Kelsey.
- I won't.

[ELECTRONIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

I was hoping we might go someplace

where we could sit down and talk.

I've had a shitty day.

You're gonna take what you can get.

Two lobster rolls, please. On him.

You have until the food gets here.

All right. First, I went too
far with Edward L.L. Moore.

I'm sorry for that.

And I'm sorry it screwed
things up between us.

I miss you.

You said this was about business.

It's never just business between us.

I don't have time for this.

Okay, wait. I'm leaving Rivington.

The list of writers that I
inherited isn't a great fit,

and now they're all jealous of Moore.

- Some of them are defecting.
- You got fired, didn't you?

I'm leaving Rivington.
That's all that matters.

I want to start my own company,
but I need another heavy hitter.

Me? Are you high?

I couldn't even trust
you to hold my phone.

Oh, I couldn't trust you at a funeral.

And now you want to go
into business with me?

We both played a little too rough.

But what if, instead of
competing with each other,

we were on the same team?

You're a homeless editor.

Who's gonna sign with you if you
don't have a publishing house?

Edward L.L. Moore's contract
has an editor's clause.

If I go, he goes.

He's writing a new series.

We can leverage that for
capital to start a company...

one we'd run together.

You're telling me you don't
want to call your own sh*ts.

[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Think about it.

♪ ♪

[SIGHS] Richard, no, I appreciate

your capriciousness,
but I have work to do.

And I already know we're
above the East s.

Okay, okay. Now, I just want you to know

that I've heard your concerns
about Ethan living with us.

Step up.

Great. And I completely agree.

There's not enough room in the
apartment for three of us.

Oh... what... thank you.

I mean, I really do think Ethan
will be better off on his own.

Okay, well, hold on.

I haven't even shown
you the solution yet.

It's a two-bedroom apartment.

It's one room for us and one for Ethan.

So...

what do you think?

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ Chicky, chicky ♪

♪ ♪

Hey, y'all. Welcome to The Picnic Table.

Who's ready to get grilling?

How long have you worked with Katie Lee?

Oh, a few years. She made me

the best barbecued ribs
at our first meeting,

and I fell in love...

with her food.

You have one hour to use

the ingredients at your stations...

plus, my new cookbook,
"The Picnic Table"...

to barbecue something that
would make my grandma proud.

- Now get grillin'!
- [ALL CHEERING]

Okay, if there isn't a
microwavable breakfast sandwich

in here, I'm screwed.

All right, just shut up and chop...
I got this.

You do?

Mm, okay.

♪ ♪

And what I regret most was
not trusting him enough

to show him who I really was.

I had to put on a facade to survive,

I don't pretend to... House a pearl.

I am grit and soft tissue.

But I am here. And it
doesn't have to be over.

They're finally asleep.

Took four stories, but
I just tucked them in.

BOTH: Good night.

Wait.

I just read the final chapter.

- It's good, Pauline.
- Really?

- Yeah.
- I was worried

it was too revealing, but...

Liza convinced me it
was the right ending.

- She did, huh?
- Yeah.

She's very insightful.

Yes, she is.

See you tomorrow?

For the girls. You're clearly
the better storyteller.

[CHUCKLES]

Okay, great.

I'll see you tomorrow.

BOTH: Good night.

[UPBEAT ACOUSTIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

- Oh, okay.
- It's perfect.

Liza Miller?

Hi, Michiko Aoki,

- I'm a lit manager at Gotham.
- Hi.

We are all just dying to
read "Marriage Vacation."

Everybody at "The Cut"
is literally obsessed.

Okay, now you're making me nervous.

Photographer's coming. Shoo, ladies.

- Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo.
- Oh.

Quick, take these before he gets here.

- Yeah.
- It's Grandma's secret recipe.

- Ohh, cheers!
- Okay.

Okay, that's just straight whiskey.

- Ha.
- That's the secret.

Not a secret anymore.

[LAUGHTER]

- That was fun.
- Yeah.

I'm so sorry that people kept bugging me

- about the book
- No, don't be sorry.

I am proud of you. You
should be proud of you.

Thank you.

[ROMANTIC MUSIC]

♪ Whoa, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

You know, I would love to
invite you back to my place,

but my mom is staying with me.

Knee surgery.

She doesn't trust the
doctors in Pittsburgh.

[IMITATING HIS MOTHER]
"If they were any good,

they would be in a bigger city."

[BOTH LAUGH]

So you're taking care of her.

- That is so sweet.
- Temporarily.

She leaves tomorrow.

I, um, I have the Pubbies tomorrow.

Oh, so do I.

Then I guess I'll see you tomorrow.

Walk me to the train?

♪ ♪

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

- Oh, my God!
- Good morning, beauty.

I knocked twice, but you
kept right on dozing.

We need your roller bag.

- Why?
- Josh has a trip,

and he was cramming all of his stuff

into a duffle bag,

like an escaped convict.

- [KNOCK AT DOOR, DOOR OPENS]
- Did you find it?

No, no, no. It's too high
for me to reach. Can you?

- Ahh!
- Yes!

Okay. Ooh, you don't need these bras.

Kelsey!

- Olay?
- That's Liza's.

- Regenerist? Really?
- Never mind.

- Why do you need my bag?
- Oh, big news.

Josh is going to Ireland.

- Yeah.
- What?

- I know it sounds crazy.
- That's because it is crazy.

It is not crazy. Come on.

I mean, could it blow up in his face?

Horrifically, yes. But if he doesn't go,

he'll always wonder what
they could have been.

So Clare didn't want
to do long distance,

but she wants you to go to Ireland?

- No.
- Eh...

No, no, no, no, no. He
cannot tell her he's coming.

Uh-uh. She'd just tell him not to

like she already has
many, many, many times.

Come on, you go get packing, okay?

- Okay, okay.
- If you miss the flight,

- you'll waste my airline miles.
- Thank you. I promise you

I will bring it back good as new.

This is crazy, right?

You need to get a job.

♪ ♪

Thank you for seeing me.

It's your $ .

Yes. [LAUGHS] Well...

So, as you know, Ethan is
living with Richard and me.

But there isn't enough
room for the three of us.

So I was hoping I could
assist you and Ethan

in patching up whatever's
gone awry between you

so that he could move
back into your home.

I'm not sure I understand
what you're talking about.

Ethan and I have a very
open relationship.

Richard wanted his son to live with him.

I saw no reason to object.

- They're very close.
- Yes, I've noticed.

Um, but I was under the impression that

you kicked Ethan out.

Who told you that?

Richard.

And why would I kick my son out?

I assume because he
dropped out of school.

He what? When? What happened?

I don't... a few weeks ago.
I don't... I don't know.

Geoffrey, get my husband
on the phone, please.

This is so Richard!

Okay, no, hold on. Please explain to me

why exactly this is so...

Richard.

Geoffrey, cancel that.
I'll call him later.

I hope you're prepared,

at least emotionally.

So you're just going to leave Millennial

to work with Zane.

Kelsey, he almost got you fired.

I know. But he has Edward L.L. Moore,

and I just feel like we're not
getting any respect around here.

I mean, Charles is trying to
take away our biggest book.

Well, it's his company.
It's kind of his call.

I want to be making
those kinds of calls.

What about Millennial?

And me?

You would get to run your own imprint.

Plus, your stock's
pretty high right now.

You won't even need me.

Of course I need you.

Kelsey, I just... I want
you to think about this.

I have.

And running my own
company is my endgame.

And I can either start
right now or in ten years.

I think you need to do your homework

before you do anything.

Liza, we have the biggest
fantasy writer in the world.

Okay, start there. Are you sure?

Have you seen the contract?

What does Redmond think about all this?

I mean, he's repped Moore for years.

You're right. You're right.

Hey, Kelsey Peters for Redmond.

Yeah, I'll hold.

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

[LIGHT, JAZZY MUSIC PLAYING]

[LIGHT LAUGHTER]

Oh.

♪ ♪

Hey. Have a seat.

You two have met, right?

- Just over the phone.
- You sure?

Town's so small. We
must've met at a party

or an Equinox steam room.

- Which one do you go to?
- What's he doing here?

I called him about Moore's contract.

He said he wanted to talk to
us about the deal in person.

- Redmond, go ahead.
- So let me get this straight...

you've left Rivington
to go what, freelance?

And you think one of the
best-selling authors

in the world is just gonna follow you

and your perfect cheekbones
down to the unemployment line.

Oh.

You poor beautiful idiot.

Is there or is there
not an editor's clause

- in Moore's contract?
- There is.

It states in very clear
English that Edward can leave

if his editor does,

but he doesn't have to.

And if this is your plan,

he's not going to.

Redmond, I know you're concerned

about your client going
with an independent.

But let me assure you, I can
sell Edward L.L. Moore.

Craigslist could sell him.
Get over yourself.

You can find him an
established publisher

run by a grown-up, but
I'm not going to let him

leave Rivington to join
you in the gig economy.

We'd be streamlined and open to
new distribution strategies.

Kelsey, help me explain to Redmond

what we're planning here.

[CHUCKLES] Oh. We aren't
planning anything.

Lunch is on me.

Redmond, thank you for
helping me clear that up.

- Sure.
- Kelsey, wait.

Oh. Peloton on rd.

I never forget a butt.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

I've been calling you all day.

I heard from Winnie.

Let me explain.

Did I lie to you? Yes.

But I did it for my son.

His grades dropped, he
asked me not to tell her,

- and I did...
- I know what happened, Richard.

Your son was cornered,
so he manipulated you

to get out of it.

Just like you manipulated me

when you needed a place to live.

- Hold on.
- I let you talk me into it

because I liked you...

and I liked how much you liked me.

Love.

How much I love you.

That's the thing... you love me,

you love Winnie,

but you lied to both of us.

And you haven't even apologized for it.

I'm sorry.

Diana, Diana, please, please.

We are so good together.

You were so closed off
when we first met.

Look how you've grown.

I have grown.

A few months ago, I
thought I had to put up

with someone I knew was manipulating me.

And now I know I deserve better.

I'm gonna be late.

Can I have a few days to
find a place for us to live?

That's how this all started.

There are boxes and tape
laid out in the closet.

Please be out before I come back.

♪ No strings, the sky's
the only ceiling ♪

♪ Boom, boom, we hit you
like an avalanche ♪

♪ Everything we do,
we living limitless ♪

♪ Limitless ♪

♪ We living limitless ♪

♪ Limitless ♪

♪ We living limitless ♪

♪ ♪

[UPBEAT POP MUSIC]

I'm so sorry, Diana.

I know how much you cared
for Richard, and I'm...

I'm just so sorry that it happened

right before you...

Before I step onto the red carpet alone?

I won the award, not him.

Right.

You know, before I met Richard,

I was prepared to accept that
this might be my life...

no plus-one, no one
beaming like an idiot

next to me in photographs,
and I was okay with it then,

and I am okay with it now.

Ready?

♪ ♪

♪ Oh, oh, ohh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

Stoop, please.

- How's your mom?
- She's all healed.

- Oh.
- And, more importantly,

vacated, so the place is all ours.

Uh-oh. You know that
Brooks Brothers mannequin

that runs your company?

He's coming this way. Act young.

Good evening. Congrats on
"The Picnic Table," Jay.

And a great photo in
"The Post" of you two.

All anyone wanted to talk about

- was your star editor.
- Oh.

We're, uh, we're very proud of her.

And the book is going to
be big for the company.

- How is it for the marriage?
- Jay.

- Come on, that's private.
- Everybody's talking about it.

Oh, stop. He's exaggerating.

It's fine. I, uh, guess
I'll have to get used it.

Truth be told, I don't know
what the future holds.

But the book has definitely
made some changes

- in our relationship.
- I'm happy for you.

I mean it. You and Pauline
were great together.

Speaking of which, she's,
uh, waving me over.

- Excuse me.
- Of course.

[CHUCKLES]

I'll be back.

Hey. One more.

Oh. I know you're not
sitting with Rivington.

Is there a pariah's table here?

I knew you were a shark, Peters.

Didn't peg you for a tattler, though.

The only reason I called Redmond

was to see if you were gaming me,

- which you were.
- I wasn't gaming you.

I was trying to get you on my
side before approaching Moore.

Why didn't you just say that?

You weren't talking to
me until yesterday.

I took a big swing, and I missed.

So what are you gonna do now for work?

- What about Edward?
- Don't worry about me, Peters.

I always land on my feet.

You'll hear about it
sooner than you think.

What is that supposed to mean?

You know what? I don't want to know.

You and work don't mix well.

What about you and me?

Outside of work, how does that mix?

That was never the problem.

I mean, you were great in bed.

You're just bad for business.

Then we won't talk business.

I'd like to thank our Empirical family

for coming out to support Diana Trout

on this richly deserved honor.

And speaking of our Empirical family,

I am pleased to announce that a
very important family member

has finally come home.

So let me be the first to tell you...

that Edward L.L. Moore
is back at Empirical.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Oh, my...

- That's incredible news.
- That's amazing.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

That is a get.

Wow. How'd he pull that off?

I'm so sorry. Um, excuse me.

I have to use the ladies' room.

And, uh, I have one more
announcement to make.

In addition to Edward's return,

I would also like you to welcome

Empirical's newest executive editor...

Zane Anders.

- Cheers. Congratulations.
- Thank you.

♪ ♪

Game on, Peters.

Okay.

Oh, my gosh, Liza! There you are!

I couldn't find you in all the chaos.

Can you believe we got Moore back?

We?

Um, I...

No, I'm sorry. Empirical.

Quite a coup, Up-Chuck.

You want to buy me a drink to celebrate?

I, uh, I think we should
get home to the girls.

Okay.

All right, um...

I don't know how to thank you.

- For what?
- It's only the guest room,

but I'm finally back home.

I feel like this book
has done everything

I ever dreamed of, and you
helped make it so much better.

I can never thank you enough.

BOTH: Good night.

- Good night.
- [CAR DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

- You okay?
- Yeah, um, you know what?

Let's... I'm fine.

Let's just... let's, uh,
let's get out of here.

I can't...

Hey.

[SOFT PIANO MUSIC]

♪ Crashing... ♪

Oh, my God.

♪ ♪

You're in love with Charles.

♪ I need a miracle ♪

[SIGHS] I am.

I do love him.

I know that I shouldn't, but I do.

♪ I'm losing my mind ♪

And you're so nice!

Hey.

You're so nice, and I'm so sorry.

♪ I need you the most ♪

♪ So don't let me, don't let me ♪

♪ Don't let me down ♪

♪ Don't let me down ♪