05x05 - Big Little Liza

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Younger". Aired March 2015 - current.*
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Based on the novel by Pamela Redmond Satran, "Younger" follows 40-year old Liza, a suddenly single mother who tries to get back into the working world. After being mistaken for younger than she really is, Lisa decides to take the chance to reboot her career and her love life as a 26-year old.
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05x05 - Big Little Liza

Post by bunniefuu »

[AMY STROUP'S "MAGIC"]

♪ ♪

♪ I'm sticking with you honey ♪

♪ You make the whole world sunny ♪

Oh, my God, Maggie. What is she doing?

Where did you find this?

Her roommate's mother sent it to me,

because she's worried.

Oh, it's mesmerizing.

What is it? Is it p*rn?

It's called breadfacing, and yes,

people are definitely jerking off to it.

This is a cry for help.

Actually, it's hard to cry
with bread in your mouth.

♪ All over this town ♪

[BRYNN ELLIOTT'S "MIGHT NOT LIKE ME"]

♪ ♪

I'll throw it out.

♪ What's your problem? ♪

♪ What's your problem? ♪

♪ Well if you don't like girls
that are stronger than you ♪


Oh, my God.

Lauren, what the hell?

Relax. It's for an event tonight.

♪ Well if you don't like ♪

[MUSIC STOPS]

Here's your dry-cleaning.

I mean, it's not really dry-cleaned.

I just ironed it really hard
and put it in this bag,

but... whatever.

Thank you.

- Who is that?
- Oh, that's my new intern.

You have an intern?

It's basically sl*ve labor,

TBQH, but, you know, they're
getting a credit for school,

so my conscience is clear.

Come on. Seriously?

I know. I know. I am so sorry.

I just... I have a major deal tonight.

Makeup?

Yeah, it's makeup you
can eat, but I wouldn't.

Can I get anyone some coffee?

No, uh...

I'm good.

I'm good, dude.

Thank you, though.

Who's he?

Josh, their name is Tam, okay?

You can't just assume
everyone's pronouns, buddy.

Okay, I'm gonna be down in the shop

in case anyone needs me.

[FUNKY MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Josh, good morning.

Hey, good morning.

You haven't been returning
any of my messages.

I know, it's...

look, it's been a crazy week.

Josh, I need an answer.

I know. I'm figuring it out.

Just... give me hours.

Okay, hours.

♪ I choose me again and again ♪

♪ 'Cause I chose you again and again ♪

♪ Don't give any damn I don't care ♪

♪ Gave you all I can of me babe ♪

Guys, I'm sorry.

It's just it's the busiest
season of the year.

There's all these schmoozing
events before the mid-terms.

We totally understand that.

But last Thursday, we had a
drop-dead date for chapter one

and yet still no chapter one.

Okay, no more excuses.

After this Arianna
Huffington event tonight,

I will hit the ground running.

Ooh, what Arianna Huffington event?

It's on #negativethinking.

Oh, yet another Twitter
movement that I'm behind on.

No, it's just an excuse to
drink and to talk about

how liberals are still arguing

about Bernie versus Hillary.

It's cathartic, I think.

You should... you should come with me.

I would love to.

Sorry, I've only got a plus-one.

Oh, that's fine.

I don't have the energy
for that accent tonight.

You kids have fun.

Don't worry about me.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

- _
- ♪ Open up and free your mind ♪

♪ Show'em everything that's
living deep deep inside ♪


- _
- ♪ Tick-tock tick-tock ♪

♪ I'm about to explode ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Gotta gotta express yourself ♪

[LAID-BACK FUNKY MUSIC]

Popular, popular guy here.

- Yeah...
- [LAUGHS]

Okay, sorry I keep
parading you around here.

Just talking about myself
always makes me nervous.

Really?

It doesn't seem to bother
you on your podcast.

You know, strangely,

I think I am most comfortable

either in a crowd or alone.

One-on-one, I'm...

terrible.

[LAUGHS] You're doing fine.

Thanks.

Jake.

Oh, good. Here comes a crowd.

Guys, this is my editor, Kelsey Peters.

- Hi.
- Kelsey, this is Levitt

and Charlotte.

Their co-hosts of the podcast
and spent some time

with me in the White House.

I know who they are.

Still can't believe you got
a book deal before me.

I read "Conversations With
My Doodle" and loved it.

And surprisingly, not ironically.

That book was a surprise to all of us.

Kelsey just signed a content deal

with Reese Witherspoon's company.

What? Okay, don't move.

We're gonna get you a drink,

and you're gonna tell us everything.

Okay.

Come on.

I don't want to share you tonight.

[LAUGHS]

[LAUGHS]

- Ohh.
- How about that view?

Come on.

God, I love this city.

- There.
- Oh, thanks.

When do you go back to D.C.?

Tomorrow morning.

Wish I could stay longer.

Can I kiss you?

What?

Sorry.

I just thought that

Obama's speech writer would...

be a little smoother than that.

Oh, well, it worked on Michelle.

I'm kidding.

- Kidding.
- Oh.

I wish you weren't.

That would be so good in the book.

Yeah.

You really only care about the book?

I am your editor.

Still haven't answered my question.

[OPUS ORANGE'S "THE NEXT WORLD"]

♪ ♪

♪ Open my eyes all I see ♪

♪ Are your dark brown
eyes looking at me ♪


♪ ♪

Falafels are on me.

Thank you.

My article on "Where Are They
Now: The Members of O-Town"

just got , views, so...

Oh, well, congratulations?

Thank you.

- Oh.
- Ooh.

Sorry, it's icy.

I gotcha.

Thank you.

Yeah, I'm...

I'm doing a series of
"Where Are They Nows."

The next one's on my dignity.

Well, you do what you've
got to do to pay the bills.

Yep.

I still have to put
together a listicle of GIFs

called "Nun fails."

- [LAUGHTER]
- Yeah.

- [PHONE CHIMES]
- Oh, sorry.

Oh, my God.

I was not prepared for that.

What is it?

My son sent me a picture...

Oh, can I see?

Of his penis.

Did you ask for that?

[CHUCKLES] He's , and he thinks

he might have herpes.

[GASPS]

And how does it look?

Um, like a teenager who
masturbated too much.

[LAUGHS]

Sounds like you're close.

As a divorced dad,
I try to be there for him

without judgment.

I just don't understand
this generation's need

to share everything.

[LAUGHS] Well, at least he's not posting

a picture of his penis
online and mushing it into

a loaf of pumpernickel.

- What?
- [LAUGHS]

Never mind.

Oh!

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my...

- Are... are you okay?
- Oh, my God.

[LAUGHS] I'm fine. So sorry.

Let me... let me just get my stuff.

- Ohh.
- Ahh.

Here's your license.

And here's your other license.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

That's crazy.

You're basically living a double life.

I see it like this.

The world is ageist,

and until that changes,

I can't play by the rules.

So true.

You are clever.

I have to be.

I have a daughter in college to support.

And no one has found out?

Well, let me just say that I
wish I didn't have to continue

the charade, but I have to to keep

the millennial brand intact.

Wow.

You are my hero.

I am nobody's hero.

I'm a fraud.

But you do what you have to do.

Well, I can't pretend
to be a hot young woman,

but hopefully I can think of something.

You're so talented.

You will.

[GENTLE MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

Hey, Caitlin, it's... it's me again.

I'm not sure if you got my last message.

I just... just want to see
what you're up to, honey.

If you're satisfied with
your message, hang up...


- Damn it.
- Or press...

[SIGHS]

_

- _
- What?

_

How was Arianna Huffington's party?

Fine.

Levitt tagged you in a picture.

You and Jake look cozy.

Cozier than an author
and his editor should be.

Calm down.

We look cozy,

because we're sitting on a velvet couch.

Look, I can tell this guy's
got a crush on you.

You're too smart to do something

to jeopardize this book.

You're right. I am.

So I don't need to hear it from you.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

_

_

Hey, is this a blow-off?

It seems like he actually has work.

I mean, you can't assume
that everyone's lying

just because you are.

- Hi.
- Hey.

This event is so cool.

I know. I know.

- Lip stain?
- Oh, do I eat it or wear it?

I'm not here to tell you what to do.

I'll try it. I'm starving.

Aren't they great?

Who?

Tam, my assistant. You just met them.

I only saw one person.

Tam is gender-q*eer.

Gender-q*eer?

Oh. Oh, so he's bi?

Oh, my God. Liza, no.
Please, do not... no,

do not use that word here.

Tam's pan-sexual, h*m*-romantic,

and their pronouns are
they, them, and there.

All right, no more
questions. It's offensive.

The LGBTQIAPK community
has been through enough.

You lost me after T.

Lesbian, gay, bisexual,
trans, q*eer, questioning,

intersex, asexual, pan, poly, kink.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Please keep your mingling to a minimum.

Ooh, I was less confused in the closet.

Ooh, how's the mascara?

It tastes like burnt ass.

You know what? I'm gonna
go find some real food.

- I'll be back.
- [PHONE CHIMES]

Hmm, nutty.

[KEYPAD CLICKING]

Who are you texting?

Jake Devereux.

The Obama guy?

He's cute and funny.

Uh-oh, you sure that's a good idea.

I hung out with him
last night as his editor.

Okay, and we kissed.

And I think I like him.

- Kelsey.
- I know.

Just eat your mascara.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Tam, lean in.

I will not. This is humiliating.

Oh. Yes. No, you're right.
You're right. Selfies are dead.

Ooh, Maggie, Maggie, will
you take a picture of us?

- Yeah, sure.
- No.

You're making a spectacle.

Yeah, that's the whole point.

Lauren, everything can't be in all-caps.

What do you mean?

Let me put this another way.

It's not cool.

Nobody posts anymore.

It's all word of mouth.

Oh, yes. No, no, okay,
I was just being ironic.

This is for my finsta.

That's "fake Instagram."

Millennials are so sad.

♪ ♪

Oh, my God.

Okay, that just happened. I'm old.

- Don't make me choke you out.
- What's wrong?

Tam's being a d*ck.

They just told Lauren
that she's irrelevant.

They're right, Liza. They are.

They're right. Millennials
are over. We are done.

No, we're still happenin'.

You know, getting older isn't so bad.

Maybe you want to try it sometime.

[PHONE BUZZES]

Hey, what's going on?

You want to come say
good-bye to Inkburg?

What are you talking about?

I'm done with this place, Liza.

Okay, just... you stay right there.

I'm coming over.

[LIGHT ELECTRONIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Sorry, ma'am, we are closed.

I already got my tattoo, thank you.

What's going on?

My landlord wants me to sign

a ten-year lease or vacate.

Whoa, look who's an adult.

[LAUGHS]

I think I'm gonna vacate.

Wh... you're gonna give Inkburg up?

What are you gonna do instead?

Anything, really.

I could rent a chair

at a tattoo shop in Portland,

Silver Lake.

This place is your passion, your soul.

I just don't know if there's

anything here for me anymore.

[SOMBER MUSIC]

I don't know if I have it in me

to make any more commitments.

Are you kidding?

This is a commitment.


This is a commitment.

All of these are
commitments to yourself.

You can't go wrong
committing to yourself.

Trust me.

[SIGHS]

Trust you.

How can I be sure

that this place is my future?

And what's keeping me here?

You've got all of us,

Maggie and Kelsey, and you've got me.

No, I don't have you.

♪ ♪

I'm gonna clean up a little bit.

♪ ♪

Good night, Liza.

♪ ♪

♪ Yeah yeah yeah ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Oh Mona Lisa feel that b*at ♪

♪ This heat gonna light that fire ♪

- _
- ♪ ♪

♪ Oh Mona Lisa I know we're
gonna start that fire ♪


[TELEPHONE RINGS]

- Liza Miller speaking.
- Hi, there.

This is May from "Vanity Fair."

I'm checking some details
for a story about you.

About me?

- You and "Millennial."
- Oh, okay.

I see here that you are
one of the co-founders

of "Millennial Print."

- Yes.
- And that you're .

Uh... who's writing this article?

Don Ridley. Can we confirm your age?

Hey, we're late for the Reese meeting.

Okay, I've got to go. Bye-bye.

Let's go. Let's go.

Come on.

You told Don your real age?

No, he saw both my IDs
when I slipped on ice

and dropped my bag.

Well, why didn't you make up a story,

like, tell him you were trying
to get discounts or something?

- On what?
- I don't know.

What do old people buy?

I'm not a senior citizen,
and that's not the point.

"Vanity Fair" is going to
publish an article exposing me.

What?

[PHONE BUZZES]

Oh, my God. They're calling me now.

Don't answer it.

Okay, we cannot deal with this.

Whatever we do, we cannot
let Reese's people know.

Not a word.

- [PHONE BUZZING]
- Ahh.

Okay, let me see.

New phone. Who dis?

♪ Hey hey ♪

♪ ♪

I received a very unsettling phone call

from a fact-checker this morning.

She was insinuating something very odd

about your age.

Reese is in pieces.

Liza, how old are you?

I'm...

Age-q*eer.

- What?
- I'm age-q*eer.

That fact-checker was trying to

age-shame us for being young,

so I told them I'm old in protest.

And it's, like, who cares?

I don't identify as any age.

Neither do I.

They were so focused on how successful

we were for our age,

and it shouldn't matter how old we are.

Exactly.

Screw them.

Who's them?

The patriarchy.

So I told them I'm .

And let them think that for all I care.

We're post-age.

But how old... I'm confused.

It's confusing, but it's not wrong.

- Mm-mm.
- Every time you get a bunch of

strong, powerful women together,

it's their looks, their age.

They're too young. They're too sexy.

What are they gonna do, throw
us in "The Handmaid's Tale"?

Under his eye, girl.

Kiara, it's that fact-checker again.

I'll handle them.

- Age-q*eer?
- I...

- That was insane.
- Yeah, and probably offensive.

Liza, we have to stop this story.

I know.

I'm gonna go find Don right now.

Before he stopped texting, he mentioned

a luncheon for Broadway Cares.

That's a nice charity.

The only thing Don cares
about is the free food.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Don.

Liza.

I was the story you were working on.

How could you do that to me?

I thought that I met a man that I liked,

that I trusted.

I'm sorry.

I'm a freelancer. I
need to dig up stories.

And you're a really great one.

You said it yourself.

You do what you have to do.

Not at the expense of
destroying someone else.

This story might end up being

the best thing that
ever happened to you.

I could make you the
poster child for ageism.

And also k*ll my career

and damage "Millennial."

Well, none of that's gonna happen.

They just pulled it.

There's some social media
thing that's exploding

about being age-q*eer,

whatever that means.

Suddenly everyone's
sensitive to age-shaming.

Oh, wow.

Good.

They should be sensitive to it.

Yeah, and once again, I'm out.

You know, it seems like
the only people who get

discriminated against
anymore are middle-aged

straight white men.

#me, okay?

#me.

You know, I think I might
know why you can't find work.

And why is that?

Because you're an assh*le, Don.

[FUNKY MUSIC]

♪ ♪

You're an adult.

Your life is your life.

But why are you smashing
your face into bread?

Oh, my God. How did you see that?

I feel like I don't know you anymore.

Mom, it's not who I am.

It's just a thing I do
for some extra money.

Okay, let me tell you something.

You become what you do.

If you cheat, you become a cheater.

If you lie, you... you become a liar.

It's so easy for you. You're so perfect.

Caitlin, I have done plenty
of things in my life

that I am not proud of.

Like what?

Someday I will tell you all about them.

But for now, will you
just stop breadfacing?

Jeez, Mom, is it really
that embarrassing?

What?

- Ohh.
- Mom.

- Oh, this is surprising.
- Mom, stop.

- People are watching.
- Ooh, it's so soft.

Ohh, yeah. Mmm.

Okay, okay, I'll stop.

God, you could really ruin anything.

I love you too.

[LAUGHS]

Are you still gonna eat it?

Of course I'm gonna eat that bread.

I liked it on my chin.

- Yep.
- It was really crispy.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

Hey.

What are you doing here?

Josh, I can't let you do this.

Who knows what the future holds,

but I know how much you love that place.

This was your dream.

You built it from nothing.

It's who you are.

Take that lease.

I'm not going away.

Kelsey and Maggie aren't going away.

Your roots are here.

I will be at your side.

You don't have to commit to
us, but we commit to you.

I commit to you.

I might not always be the
same person in your life,

but I will always be in your life.

What are you talking about?

The sign. They're taking it down.

I'm just getting a bigger one.

What?

[LAUGHS]

Josh.

I'm not ready to give up yet.

♪ And I want you to be ♪

♪ For the next few hundred years ♪

♪ With me ♪
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