05x07 - Girlfriends

[bunniefuu]

GRACE: Previously on The Secret
Life the American Teenager...

What the hell
is she doing here?

Forget about that guy!
I can't!

I should have told Amy
we were going to church.

It's the first time
she's seen us together

and I think I might
have upset her.

Our family doesn't
exist anymore.

(SIGHS) Amy...

It's very important to me that whoever
you're with fits into this family.

Does he still have the extra
key to the apartment?

Yeah. You keep blanking
out on that video!

STONE: You go see Grace
and apologize to her

and tell her how you feel
and ask her to see you again

and back the hell off from
pressuring her to have sex.

Omar?
Mom.

Mom?

I could pretend
to be dating Henry.

He could drop me off
and pick me up

and in between,
I could be with you.

Huh. That's brilliant.

I'm all yours
if you'll have me.

Thank you, God.

That was the guy
from the school board.

I know.
Tell me, tell me.

Well, Ben's off the hook and there'll
be nothing on his record or Omar's.

They said they understood that Ben has been
under tremendous stress in the last year

and it was good he already
apologized to Omar,

so the whole thing
is dismissed.

They're going to have the counselor
let him know this morning.

That's great!
Yay!

You're on a roll! Well, all's
well that ends well, right?

I guess. Long as he stays
away from that girl,

maybe he'll
stay out of trouble.

And hey, if Camille calls, let me
be the one that tells her, okay?

I would never tell her anything
that's personal to you, ever.

No, I guess not, I just wanted to be
sure that I'm the one that tells her.

Okay.

Okay, then.

And why is that?
Why is what?

Why do you want to make sure you tell her yourself.
What's up with that?

I just want to make sure
she's told in the right way.

About Ben.
Yeah.

Oh.

I get it. Mmm-hmm.

In a way that makes it sound
like it was not easy.

In a way that makes it look like
children are a whole lot of trouble

and you just narrowly escaped
disaster once again,

in a way that doesn't
encourage her

to want more children,

and especially in a way
that doesn't encourage her

to want to marry you and be
a part of the wacky family?

I'm nine months from having
him graduate high school.

Freedom is just
around the corner.

(CHUCKLES) Yep.

So, that's it? Nothing goes on my permanent
record about causing anyone any trouble?

No.

And my record?

You might want to ask for this
to be made part of your record.

The school board was really pleased
with the way you handled the matter,

especially considering
you're a student teacher

and this was your
first day of school.

They thought you
followed the rules and,

"Conducted himself in a
professional manner at a time

"when it would have been easier
to avoid filing a report."

Nice.

But I think I'd like to keep it
confidential and off-record anyway.

Done. Read something
they said about me.

Did they say anything
about me like that?

About how quickly I apologized,
admitted I was in the wrong?

Um, uh, I don't think so.
Let me see, um...

"Understandable, considering the stress Ben
has been under during the past year and..."

So forth.
What's the so forth?

You want to just
leave this alone?

I mean, we both
caught a break here.

No, I do not just want
to leave this alone,

if you don't mind. I would like
to know about the "and so forth."

Oh, they just understood that
there might be some jealousy

since you both had a
relationship with Adrian.

Both had a relationship?
I was married to her.

He wasn't married to her.
He's not married to her.

I might get married to her.
I asked her to marry me.

What?
Months ago.

Look, I'm in love
with Adrian. All right?

She doesn't want to think about
getting married right now,

but I want to marry her.

She met my mother
last Sunday, after church.

What? All right, then,
we should disperse.

Get going.

(CLEARING THROAT)

I can't believe this.
Amy is married and

Adrian is semi-engaged
or something

and I'm not even allowed to date.
This is ridiculous.

Ridiculous times call
for ridiculous measures.

Like?

Like staying home and studying and
focusing on getting into college.

Getting an education
prepares you for life.

Getting an education helps you think.
Thinking is a skill in itself.

Look, say what you want
about school,

but life is all about
does the boy get the girl?

Does the girl get the boy?
Or does the boy get the boy?

Or does the girl get the girl?
Or any of that, all of that!

I understand what you're saying,
but let me put it another way.

Every relationship is a school.

Every person you meet
is a teacher.

If you don't like learning
things in school,

you're probably going to have a few
problems learning from people.

Now, that's ridiculous.

♪ Falling in love is
such an easy thing to do

♪ Birds can do it
We can do it

♪ Let's stop talking
Let's get to it

♪ Let's fall in love

It's important to have
friends, girlfriends.

Not just a boyfriend
and not just guy friends,

but girlfriends.

I don't like girls.

They're catty and mean
and, well, I like guys.

Okay, well, you probably
don't like girls

because you've had
bad experiences with girls.

No, I've had a bad experience
with a guy

and I still like guys. I just don't like
girls on a general principle.

Look, I don't know
what I would have done

without my friends
when I was pregnant.

You need to meet some girls,
some girls your age.

Uh, it's kind of hard to make friends
with girls my age when I'm pregnant.

Well, you made a friend
and you're pregnant.

My point exactly.

Ethan wants to be my friend,

even maybe my boyfriend.

You think there are any girls here who want
to be my friend?

No.
And I don't care.

You suck.
You suck.

Kathy, that is not
how you make friends.

She was staring at me.

We were staring at her.
Thought she was going to say hello,

at least, I was hoping
she was going to say hello.

Well she didn't.

Because you told her
that she sucks.

Here.
Let me help you out.

Hey, uh, excuse me.
You mind if I ask you a question?

Get your hands off me and no, you can't
ask me something, weirdo.

See?

Hi, excuse me.

I'm Amy Juergens.

I thought you got married
to Ricky Underwood.

Yeah, I did.

Then how come your name
isn't Amy Underwood?

Well, actually,
the name Underwood, either.

It's totally lame.

Yeah, it's gross.

Amy Underpants.

Who needs that?
Not you.

Not after being
a teen mom and everything.

Not that Yurgens is any better.

Uh, it's "Juergens."

Yeah, but it's really Yurgens.

Amy Yurgens?

(IN GERMAN ACCENT) Yeah, Yurgens
didn't wear underpants

and that is how
she got pregnant.

(CHUCKLING)

Hey, maybe I could be
friends with you two.

Yeah. You know, I've been dying to ask you
how you got pregnant.

You know what sex is, right?

Hey, so it looks like your little mentoree
made some friends.

Now we don't have
to hang out with her.

Well, that's not very nice.

I thought you said you were
sick of hanging out with her.

No. Not sick,
really. Just...

I really think that she should
make some friends of her own,

some girlfriends,
instead of just hanging out

with Ethan, her new boyfriend.

I don't think she should even have
a boyfriend, especially Ethan.

You sound like
an old married lady.

And I remind you, you pretty
much hung out with Ben

the entire time you were pregnant
and forgot about Madison and me.

I remember that
a little bit differently.

Your parents didn't want you hanging
out with me when I was pregnant.

Right. But they came
around eventually.

Of course, I don't think you're
their favorite friend. Madison is.

Madison slept
with your boyfriend.

But she didn't get pregnant.

And my parents
like her parents.

My parents like
your parents, too.

I don't think they'd go away on vacation
with your parents or anything, but...

(SIGHS)

This sounds negative when
all I wanted to do was say

I'm happy for you that
Kathy made some friends.

Now, I have to go meet Madison.

Why can't I go meet Madison?

Uh... 'Cause we're
looking for guys?

(SIGHS)

Hi.

Hey, Grace.

Hi. Um, I don't guess that you'd maybe
want to do something tonight, would you?

Tonight?

Yeah. My mom wants us
to try to be friends.

Oh, yeah, I think my dad wants
the same thing. (CHUCKLES)

Um, but, I mean,

you've never not been my friend and
I've never not been your friend.

We haven't been close, but
we haven't not been close.

Right, yeah.

And I owe it all to you that I
have a job at the church nursery.

I'll always be grateful
to you for that.

Thank you. Although, being
grateful is not quite the same as

being a friend.

Since I'm going
to church again,

it's the same church that sponsors
the nursery where you work,

it's just... It's really
difficult to make friends

because people are totally
prejudiced against Christians,

so I just thought maybe
we could be friends.

But we're already friends.

Great, let's hang out,
let's do something tonight.

Grace, I have a baby.
I have John.

And by the time
the church nursery closes

and I get him home and I
bathe him and feed him

and put him to bed
and do my homework,

it's, like, 11:00 and
I have a husband, so...

I don't really have time to hang out with
you or with any of my other friends.

What if I came over
and I help you with John

and we did
our homework together?

And that would free you up
for more friend time.

Well, it's just that
Ricky is in the apartment

trying to study
at the same time.

Then I'll bring Jack, too. I mean,
maybe the four of us can be friends.

Thanks, Amy.
That's a great idea.

(DIALING)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Hey, what's up?
Everything okay?

Grace wants to come over
with Jack tonight.

For what? Just to
hang out, be friends.

What?

My dad and Grace's mom want
Grace and me to be friends.

What does that have to
do with Jack and me?

Well, Jack is Grace's boyfriend
and you're my husband, so...

So what?

So, got roped into
doing this tonight

and I'd like you
to go along with it.

Hey, Ricky! Are you
coming in for a coffee?

Yeah, I'll be right there.
Okay.

Is that your friend?
Your friend Clementine?

Yeah, you know, as long as people are
coming over, maybe she could come over too.

To the apartment with
Grace and Jack?

Wouldn't she be, like,
the third wheel?

Wouldn't she be a fifth wheel?

Fine, I don't care. Might as
well get that out of the way.

What out of the way? Making
friends with your friends

so that hopefully
she'll leave you alone.

She's an old friend from a long time ago.
I never slept with her

and I'd never sleep with her and if I tried
to sleep with anyone other than you,

she'd probably kick my ass.

What does that mean?

That means I said
the wrong thing.

I just want her to meet you.
And John.

Fine.
Bring her over.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.
I wasn't thinking.

Were you on the phone
with your wife?

Yeah, that was Amy.

She wants you to come over tonight.
She wants to meet you.

Why?

You're my friend. She thought
maybe you could be her friend.

Really?

Okay, I thought maybe
you could be her friend.

My friend and her friend.

I don't know.
Why not?

Amy is a really nice girl and so are you.
I told her all about you.

If you told her all about me,

I doubt she'd want to meet me.

No, she does,
she does, promise.

All right. What time?

She's usually home by seven.

Are you sure about this?

I don't feel like I can
hang out in the coffee shop

unless Amy's comfortable
with our being friends.

She's my wife.

All right. But if it gets
boring, I'm leaving.

It's not going to be boring.

I have someone
I want you to meet.

Oh? Why didn't you say so?
See you at seven.

You want another cup of coffee?
I'll get the waitress.

Oh, I don't know. I kind
of like those scones.

I got it!

So, you're not dating anyone?

Kind of.

But you know what they say
about relationships.

"Sooner or later,
they're all over."

Even your relationship
with Ricky.

And yours.
Hey, Clementine,

Adrian needs another cup
of coffee, do you mind?

No, I don't mind.

No, really, I'm fine.

Fine? You must be exhausted.
Multitasking, multi-flirting.

No, I'm used to it.

I think jealousy uses much
more energy, negative energy.

Are you feeling okay?

Oh yeah, I'm good. I'm going
over to Ricky's tonight.

Okay, everyone out!

(SIGHS) Thanks, Adrian,
see you around.

See you later.

Text me.

So, let me guess. You're going
over to Ricky's to meet Amy?

Yeah, she says she wants to meet me.
She wants to be friends.

You know her, right?

Yeah, I know her.

And I kind of doubt she wants
to be friends with you.

She's not going to like you.

She's probably setting you up.

It is a setup. They're
introducing me to someone.

Who? I don't know, but,
uh, should be fun.

Could I have some more coffee?

Oh, I'm sorry.
I just ran out.

I'll have to make you
some new coffee.

Hi.
Hi yourself.

I was just thinking about you.

That's nice.
I like the sound of that.

It's the craziest thing.

All my life, the only thoughts
I had were about one person.

Me. I think it was mostly
a survival instinct.

Anyway, suddenly
I'm walking along, alone,

and then, bam! I think of you.
(CHUCKLES)

And the next thing I know, I've
got this dumb grin on my face,

like I'm high or loaded
or something.

Only I'm not high or loaded.
I'm just thinking of you.

Is that the grin?

Yeah. I think that's it.

It's not so dumb.

You want to kiss me, don't you?

Yeah. I do.

But not here at school.

We can't keep hiding out
in people's cars.

Would your grandmother let us
make out in the living room?

I think she would, but I wouldn't
be comfortable with that.

Would your mother,
your foster mother,

let us make out
in her living room?

Not a chance.

Is this him?
Yeah.

What do you think?

It's not bad, kind of the
dark and brooding type.

Like James Franco, just not
as tall or good-looking.

He looks either really smart
or really dumb. I can't tell.

Uh... Who is this?

We're her friends. Do you
have a problem with that?

Yeah, I have
a problem with that.

And I have a problem with you
looking at me like that.

Who are you to look
at me like that?

I don't like him. Let's go.
Me neither.

Who are you to look
at me like that. Come on, Kathy.

Bye.

Wait.
I can't.

Friends are really hard to get,
especially when you're pregnant.

I'll talk to you later.

Isn't it harder to get a
boyfriend when you're pregnant?

(ALL GIGGLING)

Ben just wants to see his girl.

Ben needs some happiness in his life.
He deserves it.

I don't feel like letting him
pretend to date me, okay?

I don't like that.

That would be using me
to do something

that I don't even
think he should do.

And Ben's my friend.

He shouldn't ask me to do
something I don't want to do.

I've got the harder part.
I have to go over

and convince Dylan's parents
to let her go out with me.

But I think I'm up
to the challenge.

It could be fun.
Or not.

And you don't have the harder part.
I have the harder part.

He wants me to meet him at his
house and lie to Mr. Boykewich.

If we all get caught, what's
Mr. Boykewich going to think of us

after all he's done for us?

He's going to think
we're Ben's friends.

But we don't want Ben with Dylan.
We don't like Dylan.

She's okay. No, she's not.
She got him in trouble.

First it was the pot, then it
was the fire, what's next?

Is she going to have him
m*rder someone? No.

I'm not going to do it.
I don't like her.

And I don't like
him dating her.

And for once, he should do
what his father tells him

and we should encourage him to
do what his father tells him.

That's what a real
friend would do.

That's not what a real
friend would do.

A real friend would do anything a
friend needs him or her to do.

I'm happy you said that.
Anything?

Yeah.

What if Ben asked you
to have sex with him.

Well, that's ridiculous. Ben would
never ask me to have sex with him.

Ben didn't...

Ben didn't ask you to have
sex with him, did he?

Did he?

Did you?

When! I want
to know when!

Years ago? Months ago?
Weeks ago?

It was the night of the fire.
But it was friend sex. I swear.

He was just so desperate. He needed someone.
He needed comforting.

So you slept with him?

Just so we're perfectly clear,
you and Ben had sex?

And he's been trying to make me feel
bad about sleeping with Adrian!

And you didn't tell me?

You just let me
feel bad about it?

You let me agonize over
that one stupid mistake

when the two of you did
something just as bad!

Or even worse!

What did I ever do to you
that you did this to me?

Were you ever going to tell me?

I mean, if you did this
just to get back at me

for breaking up with me
I think you'd want me to know.

Geez, Alice.

That's really low.

Henry!

Pick me up at seven, okay?

Seven.

I got it.
I'll be there.

What? You're gonna
go through with this?

Oh, yeah.

Game on.

Hi.

Hi.
You look really nice.

Oh, thanks.

Where do you wanna go
on our first date back?

I got to be in early.
I got curfew, you know.

Well, we were invited over
to Amy and Ricky's.

What? Yeah, won't that be fun?

I've never actually
been over there before.

Yeah, me neither.

And that's because we're not
really friends with Ricky and Amy.

Yes, we are. We've
known them for years.

That's where you want to go?

I was going to take us out
for dinner or something.

That's okay, I think they're just
going to order a pizza or something.

They can't really go out
because of John.

Great.
It'll be fun.

I don't think it will. They're married.
They have a baby.

Well, don't you want to get
married and have a baby someday?

Someday. Not today. Not tonight.

Tonight I just want to
spend some time with you.

We don't need to spend
so much time alone.

It only makes us
want to have sex.

I'm always going to want
to have sex with you,

so I'm just going to have
to wait until you tell me

you want to have sex with me.

All right, let's go.

I just want to be with you.

I know, I just...
I think it's healthier

to spend time with friends.

How is that healthier?

Because if you start acting
stupid or something

or you're not nice to me,

Amy will point it out
if I don't notice.

Girls need girlfriends
for that.

I'm not going to be
not nice to you.

Why would I be not nice to you?
I'm in love with you.

It was just an example.

I want a friend.
I want us to have friends.

I liked it better when you
were friends with Adrian.

That is over. Let's go.

All right.
Not "all right."

I want you to be enthusiastic
about whatever I want to do.

Even when it's
something stupid like

going to a married
couple's apartment

and babysitting as our
first date back together?

That doesn't sound
very enthusiastic.

I can't wait!
(GASPS) There we go.

(SIGHS)

Oh, Leo, I'm sorry I'm late.

Crazy day at work.

Relax, glad you could
make it, good to see you.

How was your day?

Oh, it was good.

Yeah? Any word
from the school board?

Oh, I heard from
them, all right.

They let him off the hook, but
it wasn't easy, let me tell you.

That's great news!

I guess.

You guess?
Leo, come on.

Ben didn't burn down the school

and he didn't get
kicked out of school

or get anyone else kicked out.
That's the best possible outcome.

It's over!
Congratulations!

Oh, it's far from over.

He has to get through the rest of the
school year without getting in trouble.

He won't get in anymore trouble.
He's not a bad kid.

Dylan's still circling around.

Oh, another girl will come along
and he'll forget all about her.

(KNOCKING)
No, I won't.

Ben! I heard
the good news.

Yeah?

Yeah. Congratulations! We should
all go out and celebrate.

He can't go out.
He's on restriction.

Oh, Leo.

Wait. I'm on restriction
from seeing Dylan,

but I can still go out.
I'm going out with Alice,

uh, we're going to go
catch a movie or something.

Oh, are you? Yeah,
she's coming over.

I will just be in the kitchen.

That's okay, isn't it?
Going out with Alice?

Where's Henry?

Uh, I don't know.
Alice probably called him.

We'll probably meet up.

Probably?

It's not a big deal. Are you
leaving out Henry for some reason?

No.
You and Alice dating?

Got plans to sleep
with her again?

Dad! No.

We are not dating, exactly.

And I do not have plans
to sleep with her.

But if that were
going to happen,

you wouldn't have Henry around.

Oh, I'll call Henry.

Henry doesn't know
you slept with Alice?

No. He does not.

And I'd like to forget that ever
happened and so would Alice.

Let me make a suggestion.

Hang out with Henry, or Henry
and Alice, not just Alice.

You slept with her.
She's not just a friend.

Geez, Dad,
what is going on here?

What is going on here is I think you might
be sneaking around trying to see Dylan.

Where did that come from?

I'll tell you
where it came from.

Dylan's father. He called me asking
about Henry, if I know Henry.

Dylan's going out
with Henry tonight.

He is not!

Henry would not date Dylan.

Why not? You're not
dating her anymore.

Well, I mean, he can
date her if he wants,

but he knows I still like her.

I don't think he would
ask her out on a date.

But then again, I guess he did.

Huh. It's, uh...
I can't believe that.

Fancy that.

I can't either.

You're not maybe planning on
going to the movies with Alice

and then bumping into
Henry and Dylan

and doing a little
do-si-do, are you?

Go back upstairs. You're not going anywhere.
And give me your phone.

What's the code?

D-Y-L-A-N.

(SIGHS) I figured.

Look, come on, Dad,
just let me go out with her.

Adrian's boyfriend is
asking her to marry him

and she's practically engaged and
Amy's married and it's not fair!

See ya. Can I at least call Alice
and tell her not to come over?

Her number's in
your contacts, right?

I'll call her.

All right, that's just
an invasion of privacy!

Go. I'm too old to
be sent to my room!

I'm divorced!
I've lost a child!

I'm over 18.
I'm an adult!

Then start acting like an adult.
I'm done here. Go.

(DIALING)

Alice? Uh, It's me.
It's Leo.

Oh, hi, Mr. Boykewich.
You have Ben's phone?

Yes, I do. Oh, no, did you
tell him that you know?

Yeah, but I told him, uh,
Dylan's dad told me.

Oh. Thank you.

No, thank you for telling me.
You did the right thing.

And I just wanted
to let you know

you don't need to come over.

He's not going anywhere.

Okay. Thanks.

Henry!

Hi! Come in. I want you
to meet my parents.

I never smoked weed.

Marijuana.

Thank you
for the clarification.

And I've never had a drink.

Filipino parents
are very strict.

What time would you like me
to bring your daughter home?

We haven't said she can
go out with you yet.

Uh, how do you two
know each other?

Dad, from school?

Actually, and I don't think
you know this, Dylan.

I first saw you at the same
party where you met Ben.

I even pointed you out to Ben,

because I took one look at you
and I was totally smitten.

But Ben Boykewich moved in on
you before I even had a chance.

Huh.
Interesting.

Yeah.

We should go.
No, we shouldn't.

If you were my daughter, I wouldn't
just let you walk out of the house

with some guy I don't know.

Ask me anything you want.

And I will try to answer honestly
and to the best of my ability.

Would you like a piece of cake?

Honestly? Yes.
I have a real sweet tooth.

What's your favorite dessert?

Whatever you like to bake.

What does your father do?

He's a male nurse.

He works in assisted care.
He wanted to be a doctor

but his dad d*ed
when he was young

and he had to take care
of my grandmother

and that's how
he got into the field.

He's very patient.
He likes older people.

Our culture is very
respectful of the elderly.

What would your family say

if someday you wanted to marry
someone outside of your culture?

I've already asked. We've
discussed it at length,

and my parents feel
that matters of the heart

should be decided by the heart.

Okay, if we're going to get to the
7:30 show, we really should be going.

But he didn't get his cake.
Let me get the cake.

We don't have time. HENRY:
We should take the time.

If we're going to be
in a relationship,

we want to get off
to a good start.

You know what? Why don't
we just hang out here?

Do you like board games?

Henry, I really
want to see the movie.

The 7:30 movie.

What you want, Dylan,
is very important to me.

But what your parents want
is just as important.

Good man. Nice to
get some respect.

You sleep on the bed. Let
the girls sleep on these.

Okay, I'm sure they won't mind.

Thank you so much for
letting them come over.

Letting them?

Honey, this is your house, too,

and your friends are
always welcome here.

I'm so happy
you made some friends.

I know how lonely you've been.

Yeah, my old friends
kind of abandoned me.

Ah, who needs them?

You're a darling girl. You're
smart and you're a lot of fun.

You girls have
a good time tonight.

Now, I've got pizzas and salad,

there's some fruit,
popcorn, cookies.

There's some leftover chicken.

I can make some flautas and guacamole.
Whatever you want.

I think the pizza and
the salad will be enough.

Thank you so much.
(PHONE RINGING)

Hi.

So are we doing
something tonight or not?

I can't.

My girlfriends
are sleeping over.

I'm having a sleepover.

This is like the first normal thing
I've done since I got pregnant.

All right, well... Just let
me know where I fit in here.

Okay, I'll talk it over with Jody
and Francine and I'll let you know.

(SCOFFS)

I'm just joking.

Oh, yeah? Well, not funny.
And...

You know what? This isn't going to work out.
I have to go.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

No, I have to go.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

And I don't like your friends, either.
They're not nice.

What does that have to do with anything?
They're still my friends.

We'll see.
Yeah, we will.

Boyfriend problems?

He thinks my friends
aren't nice.

And why would he say that?
Because they aren't.

But it's high school
and you have to have friends

and these are the only friends
I can get right now.

Ooh, let's make some spicy ones.
Amy doesn't like spicy.

Actually, she prefers no meat.

You work at a butcher shop.

Yeah.

Okay, what about we make some
hot sauce to dip them in?

Good idea.

Remember that time...
No.

Not unless you tell me the time.

You got the fusilli
stuck up your nose?

Okay, whose idea was that?

And Mrs. Ramsey called the
fire department to get it out.

I was turning blue in the face.
I stuck it up both...

Oh, hi.

Oh, hi, Amy. I didn't
hear you come in.

Hi, I take it you're Clementine?

Yeah. Nice to meet you.
And who's this?

That's the guy
I wanted you to meet.

That's our son, John.

Hey, John, say hi to
daddy's friend Clementine.

No.

(SIGHS)

It's a great apartment.

Thanks, yeah, we're good.

So, how long
have you been married?

Um, just a couple of weeks now.

Oh, whoa, so you just
got married.

I'll have to get you
a wedding present.

Oh, no, no, please.

You don't have to do that.

So, you're a sophomore?
Yeah.

Are you a freshman somewhere?

No, I'm a senior.
In high school.

I'll be going to college next year.
I hope.

Great. You're gonna love it.
I love it.

Great.

So, do you, like, have a
boyfriend or anything?

No. I went out with this guy
recently, but he's a jock.

You know how jocks are.

It was just, you know,
a physical thing, I guess.

For him, anyway.

Actually, I don't really
know how that is.

I've only really dated Ricky

and a couple of
other guys, but no jocks.

Well, I mean,
Ricky is a jock, right?

He's an amazing
baseball player.

Or did he give that up?

Yeah, I guess
he did give it up.

Oh, man, he was playing
for this team one summer

and they were
going to nationals

and he had a no-hit
season going.

It was unprecedented. His name is
probably on some plaque or something.

And then he drew a bunch of
body parts on the bases.

Like first base for first base,
second base for second...

Yeah, I get it.
(CHUCKLES)

He thought it would inspire the
guys to try a little bit harder

but the other team's
coach saw it,

protested, and had him kicked off
the team and they lost without him.

So, maybe his name
is not on a plaque.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Oh, excuse me,

I have friends
dropping over, too.

Hi, Amy.

Hi.
Hey, come on in.

Sorry we're late. We wanted
to stop and get some dessert.

Oh, hi.
I'm Grace.

I'm...

Clementine.
Yeah.

This is Jack.
And we're Christians.

Oh. Interesting.

Clementine is at
the same college

that Ricky and Jack go to.

Hi, Clementine.

Hi. I should be going.

Oh, no, please stay.

Ricky's just getting
John down to bed.

I really should be going. Thank
you so much for inviting me over

and letting me
meet you and John.

Ricky loves you both so much.

But the meatballs...
I have work tomorrow.

Hey, it was nice
meeting you, uh...

It's Grace.
Grace.

And Jack, right?

(CLEARS THROAT)

You slept with her?

I feel bad that Ben
didn't want to eat with us.

I felt badly he lied
to me yet again.

Well, Leo, maybe you're just going
to have to let him date Dylan.

No, I'm not.

I want to say
something, if I may...

I hope, whatever it is,
it starts with an apology.

No. It doesn't.

I just want to say that if you're
going to tell me who to date,

I think I should have every
right to tell you who to date.

What!

Yeah. And unless you plan
on getting her pregnant

or importing some offspring from
some other source and adopting them,

you should quit dating Camille.

No offense, Camille.
Are you drunk?

No, I'm perfectly sober.

Last time, you married a
hooker and I didn't speak up.

This time I'm speaking up.

You two do not belong together.

You're too fat and
she's too thin.

She probably can't even
get pregnant.

If she could, she would have
trapped you by now.

(GROANS)

(LAUGHING)

You want to get married?

Ow.

Well?

Seriously?
Yeah.

Yeah.
(LAUGHING)

(WHISPERS)
That really hurt.

(GROANING)

I knew they weren't gonna come.

Maybe they got lost.

Maybe they got lost and
they lost my phone number.

It was just a big joke on me.

I'm such an idiot.

No one wants to be
friends with me.

I am sure there's
some explanation.

Get real, Grandma.

I'm pregnant and I'm new
at the school

and no one wants
anything to do with me.

And I knew it was going to
be that way going into this.

Honey, don't say that.

And, of course,
I blew it with Ethan

because I was
the "b" word to him.

Bitch.

Yes, I'm just surprised
you said "'b' word."

You have a tendency
to use foul language,

which I'm not completely opposed
to when it's called for.

Why don't you call him?

Oh, I can't.
I'll call him.

No, it's stupid for me
to have a boyfriend.

It's bad timing.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

I already called him.

Stay off the bed. Or the
one she's on, anyway.

So, mind if I come in?

I guess not.

I told you those two
weren't nice.

You came over here
to tell me you told me so?

Yeah.

And I wanted to show you
how much nicer I am.

That's because you want
to make out with me.

Uh, not in here. It's a
little intimate, you know.

And it would be a little difficult
since I can't sit on that bed.

Maybe I'll just sit...
Over here.

I feel like such a loser.

I have no girlfriends.

I don't have
any friends either,

but I'm not a loser
and neither are you.

It's not that I'm feeling
sorry for myself, but...

I miss my room.
I miss my bed.

I miss my pets,
my friends, my family.

And most of all,
I miss my virginity.

Well, if you want,
you can have mine.

(CHUCKLING)

Shut up. I knew you
were going to say that.

So, what were you girls going to
do at your sleepover, anyway?

Talk about you. I told you
that's my favorite subject.

We can talk about me
all you want.

Cecilia, you are a heck
of a mah-jongg player.

Played growing up.

I'm still lost.
Next time, poker.

Oh, I don't gamble, but if
you make it penny poker,

I might be willing
to lose a buck or two.

Put the phone away, Dylan.
You have company.

Just texting my girlfriends.

It's time for me to leave.

Oh, It's only 9:00.

We could have some coffee,
watch a movie. More cake?

Oh, the cake was awesome.

But really, I don't want
to overstay my welcome,

so, Dylan, do you want
to walk me to the door?

Go ahead, Dylan.
Go ahead.

Of course.

What are you doing? Ben has
been waiting for hours.

Oh, I doubt it.
You doubt it?

Okay, let me rephrase that.
I don't care.

I don't care about Ben.
I care about you.

And I did see you first at that party
and I am really smitten with you.

And I'm angry with myself for
stepping aside for my friend.

You slept with
Ben's wife that night.

Yeah, I did. And it was
a huge mistake, huge.

But stepping aside,
huger mistake.

He doesn't deserve you.

He's in love with Amy. He's
always been in love with Amy,

so don't waste your time.

And I hope you'll
give me a chance.

Good night, Robert.
Good night, Cecilia.

BOTH: Good night, Henry.

He's such a slut.

He's probably slept with half
the girls on the campus already.

JACK: No, I haven't.

You know how much it costs me to
fill up my truck? A hundred bucks.

Get a hybrid, man.
It's the only way to go.

Uh, a little too girly for me.

Oh, yeah, that's right, sorry.

It was a free car. My parents
gave it to me, so...

It is a little girly, but I'd
have to have a very good reason

if I wanted to trade it in.

You got a family.
You need something bigger.

Amy's got a bigger car.
Of course, it's orange.

Why did she pick orange?

I don't know, some friend
of her mother's gave it to her

just to annoy her dad.

You both got free cars?

Yeah, so no car payments.

If we had car payments,
we'd be in trouble.

You got a scholarship, right?

Yeah, you got one too, right?
Yeah.

Yours is based on academics,

but mine a depends on my game

and the coach isn't
too happy with me right now.

Yeah, well, you gotta do
what you gotta do.

I don't know.

Grace, he was with Clementine

before you guys were
even back together.

He was with Clementine knowing we
were going to get back together.

All right, well,
aren't you happy

that you didn't
have sex with him?

I mean, aren't you happy
that you decided to wait?

Not to wait, but to
wait to do it again?

'Cause you're
worth waiting for.

And if Jack's not ready,
then he's not ready.

Let him do whatever
he wants to do.

You just have to stay
committed to yourself

and your beliefs
and who you are.

Wow. I wish we had been
closer the last few years.

Well, it would have
been awkward,

considering my mother and your
mother were not so friendly.

Yeah. Think they'll
ever be friends?

Yeah. I do.

My mother is clearly not interested
in being with my father anymore.

How's that going? For you, I mean?
Is it weird?

Uh, yeah.
(CHUCKLES)

Yeah, it is.

But you know, she should
be who she is, too,

and I just have
to get used to that.

Do you think your dad and my
mom will ever get married?

Think we'll ever be sisters?

I wouldn't mind. I always
kind of wanted a sister.

I always wanted a nice sister.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

Let me get that.

Ugh, she better not
have come back.

(SIGHS)

RICKY: Who is it?
ADRIAN: It's me.

I'm not going to be left out.
I'm not interested in you.

Where's Clementine?
What are you doing here?

Why shouldn't I be here?

I'm friends with all of you.

I heard from Clementine you
were having a little party.

I had to hear it from her.

What, am I not good enough to hang
out with the rest of you now?

Oh, no. Come on in. You're welcome
to come over whenever you want.

But you should bring Omar because
this is like a couples thing.

Oh, geez, I'll just be
in the kitchen.

So? Where is she?
Jack slept with her.

That slut!
Her or Jack?

Both.

And you know what, Amy?

I think she's after Ricky.

But don't worry.
I got your back.

I am not worried. Look, she didn't
know that Jack was in love with Grace

and they weren't together yet,

so let's not judge her, okay?

She seemed nice enough
and I want to like her.

How do you do it?

How do you look at that girl
knowing what she did to our Grace,

and see nothing but
unicorns and puppies?

I'm tired of girls being
mean to girls, all right?

All right, who's being mean?

We're all being mean
to Clementine.

Oh, come on.
Yeah, come on.

Where's Omar tonight?

Oh, uh, he introduced me
to his mother,

so now I have to take
things really slowly

because he is being really serious.
But that's great.

I don't know. Might be the
right guy at the wrong time.

(SIGHS)

What's in these?

Meat. Ground beef and pork,
some seasoning, bread crumbs.

I got a game tomorrow.
I should be eating some carbs.

Well, there's pasta.
It's still in the pan.

We just never got around to serving it.
Help yourself.

I think we're in for a long night.
I got curfew.

Who are you playing tomorrow?

A team we've
never beaten, so...

Hmm. So.

This might be a good time for
you to come out of the closet.

(CHUCKLING)

I know you're a Christian.

Oh, man, maybe, but it's
just such a burden.

I guess I should go now.

Margaret's sitting out
in the driveway.

You left her
sitting in the driveway?

I owe her. She does it
to me all the time.

So, I'm going to go.

All right.

Good night.
Good night.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

Ew, you're going to kiss him?

What is he doing here?

What are you doing here?

You invited us. Yeah, thanks
for the wrong address.

Are you dyslexic
as well as pregnant?

I'll go now.

We got lost and it took
hours to convince my mom

I wouldn't get pregnant just by
sleeping in the same room as you.

You went to state
in the spelling bee?

Y-E-S.

Yeah, my mom saw it
on the Internet

and a whole bunch
of other things.

How can you be so smart
and get pregnant?

Do you know what you're having?

She's a girl, but I'm
letting a couple adopt her.

Oh, I was adopted. Can I have this?
I'm starving.

You're always starving.

How was it, being adopted?

I don't remember.
I was just a baby.

But, you know,

my mom and my dad have always
just been my mom and dad.

I had these fantasies
that my birth mother

was this big famous movie star,

so my parents encouraged me
to meet her.

She is not a big
famous movie star.

She's this 45-year-old actress who had like
one line on a sitcom

you never heard of 20 years ago
she never worked again.

And she thought
I would get in her way.

She still does.

She posted a video of herself online.
Do you want to see her?

I guess.

I mean, this doesn't make you feel weird
or anything, does it?

No.
Okay.

(BEEPING)

(VIDEO PLAYING)
(ALL LAUGHING)

Oh!