Ta-da!
Wow, what is this for?
Do I need a reason to give you a gift?
You know me better than anyone
in the whole entire world.
So why would you get me pom-poms?
You're right. Dumb idea.
Unless... here's a thought
just off the top of my head.
What if you and I tried
out for, hmm, I don't know,
the cheerleading squad on Saturday
in the south gymnasium at : ?
Approximately.
Try out for cheerleading, huh?
Give me an N, give me an O...
Do you see where I'm going with this?
Are you spelling "no thing
can keep me from trying out
on Saturday in the south gymnasium
with my best friend Marisa"?
All right, fine. Think
it over. No pressure.
(Knocking on door)
Now what does Marisa want?
Hi, Judy. Can you come out to play?
No, I'm not available today,
or tomorrow or next year.
Check back in , years.
I'll still be here. Will you?
Why did you just do that?
I'm not playing with that
eight-year-old bag of flesh.
As a -year-old bag of flesh,
I find that a tad offensive.
Look, I know you're a robot, but you
need to start acting like a kid.
Or at least not a crusty old sailor.
Sometimes, when you wanna keep friends,
you need to do what they want to do.
Oh, I guess that explains why
you're cheerleading with Marisa.
Oh, I hate it when you're right.
You'll get used to it.
♪ Oh, when danger comes for you ♪
♪ You know I'll stand beside you ♪
♪ 'Cause ain't nobody
keep things hustle cool ♪
♪ I'll always find a way,
a way out of the fire ♪
♪ Don't tell nobody, tell nobody ♪
♪ I'm not perfect ♪
♪ So many things I wanna tell you ♪
♪ But I, I, I, I keep it undercover ♪
♪ Livin' my life, no way to learn ♪
♪ Doin' my thing, gonna make it work ♪
♪ Know I'm the realest,
baby, I'm fearless ♪
♪ But I always got your back ♪
♪ Nobody can do it like I can ♪
♪ I gotta find out who I am ♪
♪ Ain't got to worry about me ♪
♪ It's all part of the plan ♪
I keep it undercover.
I keep it undercover.
Honey, you almost done with that new
employee paperwork for the organization?
Yeah, you'd think a professional spy
organization would know my phone number.
Lookin' good.
Lookin' good.
Lookin'... Hmm.
Hmm? What hmm?
Oh, nothing, just a little thing I noticed.
That "in case of emergency
contact," you spelled my name wrong.
You put K-i-r-a
Cooper, when I believe
the correct spelling
is C-r-a-i-g Cooper.
Dad, are you actually upset
that I picked Mom over you?
Oh, please. I could care less.
Technically, you could care less,
'cause you seem to be caring a lot.
Don't you be silly.
You go on and have a great day,
and enjoy that lunch I spent an hour
making... that your mom didn't.
Craig, you got a little
something on your...
Oh, never mind. It's just jealousy.
Excuse me.
Get real, honey.
You treat Ernie like
a second-class citizen,
but the moment you're chosen second,
you fall apart like a cheap watch.
Oh, hey.
That was five anniversaries
ago, and I said I'm sorry.
The dude said it was real.
Look, I ain't got time to
be discussing all of this.
I gotta go make things right with my boy.
Oh, K.C., you showed up.
Of course I did. I'm so psyched to be here.
I cannot wait for these
obnoxious mean girls
to tell me I'm not pretty
enough, peppy enough,
or good enough to be on their squad.
I'm suddenly getting the feeling
that you're just doing this to
please me, and that pleases me.
Get ready for the mean girl banquet,
and I have a feeling
we are the main course.
Welcome! Way to be here.
That shows a ton of confidence,
and that's the number one thing
a spirit ambassador needs.
Our job is to help empower our
team, but not just our team.
Everyone in the entire school.
Heck, if we can, let's make this
world a better place to live in
while we're at it. Who's with me?
(Cheering)
You see? Pure evil.
Hey there, how's my pride and joy?
I don't know. She stayed after
school to practice cheerleading.
No, I'm talking about my favorite son.
I'm your only son.
Oh, don't get bogged down in the details.
I just wanna spend a little
quality time with you.
So what you think? Football?
Basketball? Baseball!
I don't do well with objects
that fly through the air.
They have a funny way of finding my head.
That's because I don't take
you to the batting cages enough.
Baseball, it is. High five.
Yeah, we gonna work on that.
I love checkers, don't you?
Sure. Who doesn't love an
exercise in elementary strategy?
Vapid simpleton.
Good game!
But we didn't finish.
I calculated the rest of the moves in
my head, ran the odds, and you win.
But you never even jumped me.
All right, have it your way.
(Screams)
Are you happy now?
Blades, buckets, candlesticks.
Blades, buckets, candlesticks.
Hey, Marisa, I think I dropped
my candlestick on the ground.
Would you do me a favor, pick it
up and hit me over the head with it?
You guys are doing great!
Now, let's take a quick break.
But if we take a break, who's gonna
make the world a better place?
Are you sure you're gonna
have time for cheerleading,
what with being the leader
of the sarcasm squad?
Look, Marisa, I'm sorry, okay?
I just... I don't get this.
What's there not to get, because I thought
this could be something
we could do together.
What do you mean? We are always together.
Are we, K.C.?
When was the last time we
had a hot dog-less hot dog?
On a stick?
It just seems like lately, I never see
you because you're always busy doing...
I don't know what,
'cause you won't tell me.
Marisa, that is not always true.
Really? You didn't show up to Becky's
party last weekend like you said you would.
You didn't come to the movies
with everyone on Sunday afternoon,
like you said you would.
And you didn't come to the library
the other night to help me study,
like you said you would.
So I just thought if we did
this cheerleading thing,
we'd at least get to
spend some time together.
Marisa, I am so sorry, okay?
I had no idea that you felt this way.
It's just that I have been so busy with...
You know what?
It doesn't even matter
what I've been busy with,
because your friendship is
the most important thing to me,
and I'm going to make it up to you, okay?
Starting right now.
All right. Go, team!
Starting right now.
You can do this, K.C. Okay.
Blades, buckets, candlesticks.
Blades, buckets, candlesticks.
Oh, hey, Mom.
Whose mom? My mom.
You da b*mb. Go, Mom!
Actually, when it comes to
disabling bombs, I am the b*mb.
What's up with the pom-poms?
I'm trying out for the cheerleading squad.
That doesn't sound like you.
Doin' it for Marisa.
Now that sounds like you.
K.C.
Being a cheerleader is
a huge time commitment,
and I don't know if you should
be juggling so many things.
Remember that street performer we saw?
Never should've added that fourth chainsaw.
Look, I know it's a lot, but it seems
like ever since I started being a spy,
I always have to...
I never have time to just...
She's my best friend, and I
really don't wanna lose her.
Come here.
I get it, sweetheart.
It's not easy.
And here's the bad news.
It doesn't get any easier.
What kind of pep talk was that?
I'm assuming you were never a cheerleader.
K.C., I love you.
And I don't want you being a spy to
get in the way of you being a kid.
So... if you're feeling
like it's too much...
No, no. I can handle it
all, and I know that I can.
Well, if you think you can,
then I think you can, too.
And, as far as me never
being a cheerleader...
Blades, buckets, candlesticks, whoo!
Wow, Mom.
That's right. I still got it.
But I think I broke it.
Help me. Easy.
Think fast.
I'm sorry.
But it's like your head has
its own gravitational pull.
I'm starting to think
football may not be my game.
In fact, I'm starting to
think games may not be my game.
Oh, that's because I haven't taken
you out to play basketball yet.
We're gonna go down to the park,
and we're gonna sh**t some hoops.
- Yay!
- Yay!
Aw, isn't this great?
Just you and me. Aren't I a great dad?
Before you answer that, have you noticed
I've hardly spent any
time with K.C. this week?
Yeah. That's right.
(Phone ringing)
Oh, hey, Mateo.
Sorry I didn't come over.
But my dad forced me to
hang out with him. Again.
Every day this week, it seems like he's
throwin' some new object at my head.
I know, but it's been horrible.
I think I liked it better
when he just left me alone.
Marisa, I think I got it.
This modified basket toss double back
is going to guarantee
us a spot on the squad.
Or in the hospital.
This is too hard.
Ever since I've started practicing, it's
like my skin has been... crying.
It's called sweat.
It's called gross.
No, no. Marisa, remember, it's fun.
I got spirit, yes, I do.
I got spirit, how about you?
I've got back pain and a creepy
feeling I'm growing muscles.
I quit.
No. No, Marisa, you cannot quit.
Okay? We need this.
This is our thing, and we need a thing,
because if we don't have a thing,
then we have nothing. Nothing.
Nothing.
Okay, fine. Fine. I'm on board.
But could you let go of my arms,
'cause I'm starting to feel nothing.
Nothing, nothing.
Kids.
Rough day, Agent Craig?
Judy, you know you can call me Dad, right?
Okay. Rough day, Agent Dad?
Yeah.
It's Ernie.
We played basketball,
baseball and football.
All the things I used to
love to do with my dad.
But Ernie hated every minute of it.
Well, from what I've learned about
human interpersonal relationships,
sometimes you have to do what
the other person wants to do.
Even if it makes you wanna pull
the circuits right out of your face.
Anyway, what does Ernie like to do?
Well, he's always, uh...
Well, I know he really likes to...
I think I saw him one time do...
Man.
I really do need to bond with this kid.
I'm having trouble bonding
with a little eight-year-old.
Thanks for asking, Dad.
All right?
Yeah.
(Both laughing)
Okay. Now my turn.
- Come on.
- Rub-a-dub-dub.
(Phone ringing)
Hello.
Now?
I understand.
- We're on it.
- Oy!
K.C., Ernie, Judy.
We have a last-minute
mission at the airport.
Load the van now.
K.C., come on, let's go.
Mom, today is the cheerleading try-outs.
I cannot bail on Marisa.
The most important part of the
modified basket toss double back
is kinda the double part.
Honey, I told you, it
doesn't get any easier.
These are the tough choices
we have to make as spies.
But if I don't show up for Marisa,
it could ruin our friendship.
And if I don't go with you guys on the
mission, something bad could happen.
Mom, can't you just tell me what to do?
I can't, sweetie.
I'll support you whatever you decide.
This is your decision to make.
Really? You've been telling
me what to do for years,
and the one time I really
need it, you got nothin'?
Okay, I have a visual on you guys.
Can everyone hear me? Ah-choo!
(All) Bless you.
I guess everyone can hear me.
Our mission is to stop enemy agents
from retrieving a piece of luggage
in the international cargo hold.
Inside is a flash drive with the
location of our European safe houses.
If that drive gets into the wrong hands,
the safety of all our international spies
- is at risk.
- I'll stall the targets.
And I'll slip a tracking
device in their pocket.
Judy and I will slip into the
cargo room and retrieve the bag.
Glad you're here, honey.
Thanks, Mom. I'm glad you're here, too.
Uh, I was never not gonna come.
I have a visual on the targets.
It's time to bake the biscuits.
What does that even mean?
I'm trying to come up with a catchphrase.
The guy in the van
always has a catchphrase.
Well, catch a new phrase.
Dad, the targets are behind you.
You know what to do.
Ah!
Oh. (Blows note)
Never travel without one.
Come on.
Where's the fire?
(Beeping)
Little help with my shoe.
Sorry about the socks, but my
hammer toe cannot be contained.
Oh, I am so clumsy today.
I hope I get over it
before I fly my plane.
(Forced laugh)
Come on. Let's just get in another line.
They're on the move.
Go to the tracking device.
K.C., the targets are heading your way.
The biscuits are burning,
the biscuits are burning!
Enough with the catchphrases.
Okay, we're in. Switch the Judy cam.
(Cell phone ringing)
Hey, Marisa.
Look, I'm really sorry.
Where are you? It's try-outs.
I know.
I forgot to call, and I'm really
sorry, but I cannot make it.
You can't make it?!
You're bailing on me again?
Hey, hey. The good news is,
you didn't even want to be
there, so you can just leave.
Oh, just leave.
Just leave, she says.
Well, it's not that simple, K.C.,
and if you bothered to
show up, you would know why.
Uh, excuse me.
Hi. How much longer is this gonna take?
So after we're done, if it's okay with you,
I was thinking maybe we could play
one of those video games you like.
I guess we could, if
you're sure you want to.
Well, I want to, if you want me to.
I want you to if you
want me to want you to.
- Well, I want to...
- Oh, good grief.
Ernie, your dad wants to
spend more time with you.
Craig, your son wants to
spend more time with you.
But you don't like to do the same things,
and you're making each other miserable.
Not to mention me.
So why don't you make spying your
way of hanging out and bonding?
Oh, good. Because next step was bowling.
I don't think my head could survive that.
Aw, such a touching moment.
Now can we get back to our mission?
(Judy) Got it!
Green one on the upper level.
The targets are almost upon you.
You're running out of time.
Repeat, running out of time.
You know what?
I think this calls for a
modified basket toss double back.
Quit bumping your gums and get up there!
I plan on it.
All right, cup your hands.
Don't even think about it.
Bucket, candlesticks, blades.
That's right.
Your biscuits just got b*rned.
Hey, it is a good catchphrase.
Hey. How's it goin'?
What's goin' on?
Whassup?
You're still mad at me.
Um, well, if you are, I don't blame
you, and I'm really, really sorry.
Will I at least be seeing you at lunch?
I don't know.
Maybe you will, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll be sitting there
patiently waiting for me,
and I'll just decide not to show
up with no explanation whatsoever,
leaving you all alone to wonder what
kind of a best friend I really am.
Hey, we're talkin' again.
Marisa, I, um...
I got you an apology gift.
Would you at least open it, please?
Oh, you know me better than
anyone in the whole wide world,
so why would you get me a book?
It's a book full of friendship coupons.
Hmm.
Look.
This one is for if
you're ever in trouble,
I will do whatever I have
to to get you out of it.
And this one is for if you're ever sad,
I'll be there to hold your hand
for as long as you need me to.
And this one is the "just 'cause" hug.
Because sometimes, you
need a hug, just 'cause.
And, um... if you read the
fine print, it kinda says...
"These coupons never expire.
They're good for a lifetime of friendship."
Oh, I think I need one of those
"just 'cause" hugs right now.
May I see a coupon?
Come here.
(Girls laughing)
Judy's new friend will make
her cover much more believable.
I gotta say, honey, great job in getting
her to play like an eight-year-old.
Hey, that's what big sisters are for.
- (Zapping noises)
- Ow, ow!
Uh, Judy, what's goin' on out there?
Playing hopscotch with Quinn.
I thought I'd make the game a little
more interesting by adding some lasers.
You comfort the kid, I'll
get the first-aid kit.
How about I get the kit and you
figure out what to tell the mom?
Rob, your name's on TV.