01x13 - Stakeout Takeout

Episode transcripts for the TV show "K.C. Undercover". Aired: January 2015 to February 2018.*
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A high-school math whiz trains to be an undercover spy.
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01x13 - Stakeout Takeout

Post by bunniefuu »

Uh, you might want to upgrade the
weather app on your phone, short shorts.

It's fuh-reezing outside.

Well, it's stuh-upid in here.

Did you forget? I'm going with
Marisa to Miami to see her grammy.

Ha! For the next seven days,
I'm going to be Fun K.C..

Fun K.C.? I don't think I've ever
had the pleasure of meeting her.

Well, nice to make your acquaintance.

Face!

I don't think I like Fun K.C..

Well, I do. For the next seven
days, I'm going to get my beach on,

I'm gonna order fruity
drinks till my teeth hurt,

and I'm gonna be dancing like
no one's watching. Okay? Uh!

Well, you're already dressing
like nobody's watching.

Hah! Hah! Hah!

Face! (Laughs)

Hey, Kace. I know you were
looking forward to the beach,

but the organization called
and you have an assignment.

Yup, a seating assignment
for my flight to Miami.

Seat D. K.C.!

Oh, come on!

♪ Oh, when danger comes for you ♪

♪ You know I'll stand beside you ♪

♪ 'Cause ain't nobody
keep they head so cool ♪

♪ I'll always find a way,
a way out of the fire ♪

♪ But don't tell nobody, tell nobody ♪

♪ I'm not perfect ♪

♪ So many things I wanna tell you ♪

♪ But I, I, I, I keep it undercover ♪

♪ Livin' my life on red alert ♪

♪ Doin' my thing, gonna make it work ♪

♪ Know I'm the realest,
baby, I'm fearless ♪

♪ But I always got your back ♪

♪ Nobody can do it like I can ♪

♪ I gotta find out who I am ♪

♪ Ain't got to worry about me ♪

♪ It's all part of the plan ♪

I keep it undercover.

I keep it undercover.

This is it, kids! Your first stakeout!

Ooh! This is gonna be so much fun.

Yeah! Instead of a fresh ocean breeze.

I'm stuck smelling Ernie's wind.

It's not my fault my body
can't process broccoli.

So who exactly are we staking out?

Uh-huh. Alexander Garrett.

A notorious bank robber
who recently escaped prison.

Huh! Here I thought I wasn't
gonna meet any cute boys

while I was stuck in here.

Man, that guy's beard got
more bands than Coachella.

Okay, the organization wants us to
stake out Garrett's old apartment.

They think that he will return to pick
up some stolen cash he stashed there.

Really? This is the "can't
miss mission-of-the-year"?

Watching a door? Ooh, what's next?

We're gonna stake out a laundromat
to see who's stealing the lost socks?

You k*lled Fun K.C. for this?

Hey! Don't blame me,
blame the organization.

This is a dangerous dude.
They need us to take him down.

Ooh, baby! Time to bake the biscuits.

I'm finally gonna engage
in some hand-to-hand combat.

Woo! Hah! Hah! Ow!

You know what? Do that
again and I'm gonna engage

in some
foot-to-butt combat.

Look, bro, who are you kidding, okay?

We all know you're not good at combat.

I mean, it's a b*ttlefield just for
you to get out of your turtleneck.

Son, she's right. You're the computer guy.

You'll always be the computer guy.

Excuse me. I'm more
than just a computer guy.

I can do a myriad of
spy-related things. Like what?

I can't think of any right now, but
there's a myriad of them. A myriad.

Okay, I have a special
assignment just for you.

Yes! Bring it on! I want
you to call that number,

Got it! And tell whoever
answers the phone that you want

to order a large chicken vindaloo.

Yes! Order a large
chicken vindaloo. Mm-hmm.

Is that code for something?
No. But if they ask,

it's listed on the menu as the # .

Hurry Curry? Yeah! My
favorite stakeout takeout.

Ha ha! The best Indian food
this side of, well, India.

Wait, it's not bad enough
that I don't get to go

on vacation and have to
be stuck in this tiny van,

but now you wanna order Indian food?

It'll be like living
in a giant metal diaper.

Do they have any curry broccoli?

No. And even if they did, heck no!

(Tablet ringing)

(Sighs) Marisa, could you
please cheer me up and tell me

it is cloudy, raining on the
beach, and you miss me terribly.

I'm sorry, K.C., but I am
having the time of my life.

I have barely noticed you're not with me.

In fact, it was only
when I turned to tell you

I don't miss you at all that
I realized you're not here.

You're miserable, aren't
you? I have no one to talk to!

Marisa, just, you gotta find some
interesting people to talk to.

I don't wanna talk to interesting people.

I wanna talk to you.

I'm starving. And this
delivery is taking forever.

Well, perhaps the delivery
guy is on vacation.

You see, people who work really
really hard, they get a vacation.

I understand that you're
disappointed about your trip,

but there's nothing I can do about
it, so please stop complaining.

I need a bathroom break.

My giant slushie went right through me.

Thankfully, I still have
the giant slushie cup.

Ernie, instead of being on a hot beach,
I'm in a hot van with your hot breath.

Now the last thing I need is
for you to refill that cup.

Now I'm asking you... no... I am
begging you to please take it outside!

How dare you! I was always
going to take it outside

for your information.
I am a classy gentleman.

Now if you need me, I'll be in the
alley. Peeing next to the dumpster.

(Incoming call) Hey, Craig.

Just seeing how you and Ernie
are doing on the stakeout.

Oh, uh, we're doing fine. Gotta go. Bye!

Hey, Beverly! Is that K.C.?

I'm surprise to see you.

I thought you'd be on a
beach, slathered in SPF .

Letting the sun kiss your face.

While slurping on a cool beverage from a
waiter with an eight-pack named Berrrnardo.

Oh-oh!

Oh! And I am not living
vicariously through you.

Just surprised to see you,
is all. Well, I'm surprised

that you're surprised because you're
the one who told my dad I couldn't go.

What? Uh, I think we're
getting a bad signal here.

No, you earned that vacation.

There's no reason you
should be on this stakeout.

How do you turn this thing off?

Where's the computer guy when you need him?

I'm not just the computer guy!

Hold up! Uh-oh.

(Clears throat) Are you trying to
tell me that the organization didn't

actually assign me to this mission?

No! It says right here, it
was a two-person assignment.

Craig and Ernie Cooper, pay your gas bill.

Oh, you know what? That
was a reminder from me.

Thank you for calling, Beverly.

I was supposed to be on vacation. (Sighs)

I was really looking forward
to it, and you knew that.

Why would you do this to me? Why?

'Cause I figured you'd never find out.

Dad! Look, I'm sorry.

But this bank robber could be dangerous.

You really think I want my back-up
to be Mr. Bake the Biscuits?

I wouldn't even trust Mr. Bake the Biscuits
to be my back-up on baking biscuits.

Excuse me?

How dare you ruin my trip just
because you don't trust your own son.

How dare you not trust your own son!

No no no, son, I trust you.

I trust your brain. Your brawn
is a little sketchy, right?

I am more than just a beautiful mind.

Ernie, I'm sorry.

(Sighs) My whole trip to Miami? Gone.

Kace, I feel terrible.

(Sighs) Well, on the bright side,
we're making family memories. Huh?

The kind you'll talk about for years.

Mm yeah, in therapy.

Okay, if you're still
mad at me, just say so.

Oh, come on, man. You're so
mad that you won't even respond?

Oh, I'm sorry. I don't know how to respond.

I only know about computers.

Perhaps you can write me an e-mail.

Then stick it in your outbox!

Hiiii! K.C.!

What are you doing? We're in a stakeout.

You're acting as if
that would go unnoticed.

Let's start a discothèque! Dad!

Look, K.C. is gone, okay? From now
on, it is Fun K.C. in the house! Ha!

In the van! What are you talking about?

Dad, I do everything I'm supposed to do.

I get good grades, I kick butt on missions,

I'm a good daughter,
a great sister... Well...

Ha! Face!

Look, Dad, all year long, I am pulled
in different directions and one week

out of the year, I get
to let loose a little bit.

Now you may have tricked
me into missing my vacation

but I am not missing out on the fun!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I got to play
a little beach volleyball. Ha ha ha!

Spiked ya!

All right, I'm gonna let
that one go. (Knocking)

Delivery: Hurry Curry!

(Exclaims)

Hey. Hello, my friend. Here's your order.

Man, you took your time. (Laughs)

Hurry Curry. Shouldn't that
be "Didn't Really Hurry Curry"?

Huh? Or "We Take Our Sweet Time Curry"?

Or (Laughs) "We Took So Long
the Food Has Gotten Furry Curry"?

Yes, I get it. It's funny
because I am a few minutes late,

meanwhile, you live in a van.

It's all right,
papadums, chutney, naan...

wait, this is tofu vindaloo.

Exactly, my friend. $ . .

No! I wanted chicken vindaloo.
You brought me the wrong thing.

No, my friend, I brought
you the right thing.

You ordered the wrong thing.

$ . . Plus tip! (Scoffs) Ha!

I'm not giving you a dime until
you bring me what I ordered.

That is no way to treat
a friend, my friend.

You are no longer welcome
to order from Hurry Curry.

You're banned, van man!

No! Something wrong, Dad?

Yeah, my chicken vindaloo.

They brought me tofu instead.

(Sighs) Maybe they heard the order wrong.

Maybe you said the order wrong.

Or maybe I hacked into their website

and changed your order at the last minute.

Out of spite.

What? How could you do that?

Pretty easily, actually.

As we all know, I'm the
computer guy. (Laughs)

Can you believe what your brother did?

Ha! Not only do I believe it,
but, uh, it was my idea.

Hey, you really are Fun K.C..

(Laughs) Face!

(Tablet ringing)

Oh, K.C., thank goodness you called.

I am so bored. I was
just about to read a book.

A book? Girl, please.
We are on vacation, okay?

We gotta turn up. We gotta
get this party started.

We gotta blow the roof off this sucker.

Fun K.C.? Is that you?

Well, I figured since I can't be there
in body, I can be there in tablet.

So, put me on the chair next to you because

I'm officially starting my virtual vaca.

Holla! Yeah, I don't think
anyone says that anymore.

Really? You can "blow the roof
off this sucka" and I can't holla?

(Exhales) This is the life.

Yup, just you and me.

And a big bag of eye candy.

Ooh, turn the tablet. I wanna see.

Okay, but don't stare. It'll look weird.

Okay, my friend, so one garlic naan, papadums,
mango chutney and a chicken vindaloo.

Your address? Oh, no
address. I'll just pick it up.

(Gasps) This is the van man! Isn't it!

You didn't even change your order!

Don't call here again!


But it wasn't my
fault! My kid...

Noo! I gotta get some
of that chicken vindaloo.

I feel ya, Dad.

So sad when you want something
really bad and you can't have it.

It's like you really want chicken vindaloo,

yet the person who decides
who gets chicken vindaloo

thinks you're just the computer guy.

Oh. Ohh. Okay, if you
are done busting my chops,

I think I know what's happening here.

We're starting to catch
a little stakeout fever.

We just need a little break from one
another, I'll take the first shift.

Call me if the bank robber shows up.

Yeah. Good idea, Dad. You
should take a little break.

You worked hard. You deserve it!

K.C., enough already.

Will you just let it go?

No! Ernie, what he did
was completely unfair.

Trust me, it is no fun having
the rug pulled out from under you.

You're disappointed, huh?

Yeah, you're dang right I am.

You feel hurt, don't you?

I do. I really do.

Well, now take what you're feeling,

and multiply it by (Shouting)
every single day of my entire life!

Excuse me? Oh, poor K.C..

One little thing goes
wrong, and you fall apart.

My entire life is nothing
but disappointment.

You had the rug pulled out from under you?

Well, I never even got a rug.

Okay, Ernie, look. I get that you're
upset because Dad doesn't trust you

with being a part of the action,
but he's doing you a favor. Okay?

You would just fail miserably.

Okay, that sounded different in my head.

But, bro, what I'm trying to say is (Sighs
) I know you want to be the hero, but...

you're just not the hero type.

Okay, that didn't come out right either.

You know what else didn't come out right?

Me. I'm sick of the way
this whole family treats me.

Oh, come on, Ernie.

Ernie! Come on, don't act like that.

You're not supposed to leave the monitor.

Why am I the only one on the stakeout?

I'm supposed to be on vacation!

(Sighs)

(Tablet ringing)

Hey, K.C.. Say hello to Paul.

Isn't he adorable?

Hey, Marisa, now is really not a good time.

I got into a fight with my
dad and then Ernie got mad

and he walked away. And he was
all angry... Oh, that's horrible.

Anyway, this is Paul.

And while I'm hanging with him,
you'll be hanging with the super cool,

super fun friend, Stanley.

Yeah, no, Marisa, please don't, okay?

Under no circumstances am I having
some ridiculous video date with a...

Hello, Stanley.

Isn't this your lucky day? You get
to be face-to-face with The Stanster.

At least that's what people call me.

Well, my dad. That's what my dad calls me.

So what do your, uh, peepy peeps call you?

Busy. Very very busy.

Well, I'm gonna call you Ms.
Buoyancy, 'cause you're afloat my boat.

Mm, well I'm starting to
get a little seasick. Ha!

Can I have one papaya
lime surprise, please.

With extra surprise.

I'm having that kind of day.

Give me a sample of your bango mango tango.

May I suggest a sample of manners?

I was ordering
my... uhh...

What'd you say to me, twerp?

I said I was ordering my yogurt

when you totally ignored
this nice man behind me.

Go ahead, nice man with a
very nice, very unique beard.

Well, as much as I have
enjoyed our lengthy conversation

about your fear of dog
nipples, I really gotta go.

So, could you do me a
favor and tell Marisa that...

that you had a great time?

That you want a second date?

That you've fallen under
the spell of The Stanster?

(Tablet ringing) Oh, darn,
I'm getting another call.

I should probably take it,
could be a telemarketer.

K.C., I'm at the froyo place on the corner.

Rubber band man is here.
Get down here quick.

Okay, I-I got it, I'll be right there.

And thank you so much for
saving me from my date.

Your date? You met someone in the van?

It's a long story. I'll be right there.

Still here. Ha, not anymore.

(Doorbell rings)

Who is it?

Delivery from Hurry Curry, my friend.

(Coughing) Oh, I'm sorry. I can't
open the door anymore than this.

I'm incredibly sick.

But I'm hoping this curry
gets my sinuses open again.

That'll be $ . , my friend. Plus tip.

Tip? (Laughs) Tips are for
people who show up on time. Huh?

Hurry Curry? You should've just
called it "Lollygagging Curry."

Or why "Don't You Just
Make It Yourself Curry"?

Or, "It'd Be Faster To Go To India Curry."

I knew it! Van man!

Give me that vindaloo! No! You're bad!

Give it to me! You don't deserve it.

That's my food. I'm hungry.

Then order Chinese!

That'll be $ . , my friend.

Oh, I am not your friend.

Hey. Wah!

Relax, girl. Is Garrett still in there?

Yeah. All right, I'm going in.

You stay out here.

You know what? I'm not gonna do it.

Then who's gonna do it?

You are. Me?

Yes, you. But I'm just the computer guy.

Ernie, what did you tell me before?

You have spent your entire
life being disappointed.

Are you really gonna
disappoint yourself now, too?

Look, I was wrong.

You are the hero type. Now
go in there and be a hero!

Take your sh*t. But I'm more
worried about him taking his sh*t!

Don't worry. I got your
back. I'll be right here.

Now go bake the biscuits, man.

Time to bake the biscuits.

Time to bake the biscuits.

Time to bake the biscuits.

Time to puke in my mouth. Ugh!

So, um, temporary tattoos. Cool, not cool?

Feel free to share. This is a safe space.

I'm gonna make you
sorry you were ever born.

Too late. I'm already sorry!

Ahh! Uhh! Uhh! Oh, no!

(Grunting)

(Yelling) (Screaming)

Uh, you-you got a little
something on your face!

Uh-huh! That's right.

That just happened. Dude had it coming.

Eating carob chips right
out of the toppings bar.

Shame on him!

Man, I knew you could do it.

Okay, I didn't know you
could do it, but I was hoping.

(Laughs) I can't believe it.

My boy single-handedly
took down Alexander Garrett?

You proved me wrong, son.

Yeah, but as good as it felt, I really
think I belong behind the computer.

Mostly because computers don't punch back.

And you know what, I'm
really good with computers.

Wow. That's cool. You know,

most people go their whole lives trying
to figure out what they're good at.

You're .

And you already know.

Proud of you, son.

Thanks, Dad. Mm-hmm.

Hey, you never did tell me.

How exactly did you
get K.C. to forgive you?

Let's just say I called in a few favors.

(Helicopter above)

Hey. What's for lunch? K.C.!

Sorry I'm late.

Late? Actually, you're right on time.

(Laughs) Hey, there... Stanster.
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