Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
What in the Queen Latifah is goin' on?
Oh, just reliving my days
at the Cotillion Ball.
Cotillion Bowl?
I didn't know you played
football in college.
Cotillion Ball.
It's a girl's proper
introduction to society.
Look.
This is the dress I wore
- when I won Miss Debutante.
- Aww.
Your grandma and your
great-grandma wore it
- when they won, too.
- Aww.
And now, KC'll wear it to the ball.
Uh-uh!
Have you ever met KC?
Have you ever met your mama?
I have my ways.
This is gonna be the best
mother-daughter bonding experience ever...
whether she likes it or not.
Oh, honey, pack your bags.
Your dad is on a mission,
and you and I are going
to Chesapeake for the Cotillion Ball.
Are we also gonna make a
pit stop at Fantasyland,
because that's never gonna happen.
I know.
Who wants to wear a big ol' gown
and get their hair all did?
- Not me.
- Me either.
I mean, it's not like we have to take
every mission they throw our way.
Wait a minute, it's a mission?
Eh, don't worry about it.
Of course, they'll bump us down
in seniority, but who cares?
I care. I care a lot.
Mom, I think we should go.
It's okay, KC.
To be honest, I've really lost interest.
Well, get interested.
I'm gonna go pack my bags.
We are going to that cotillion.
- Well, fine, if you insist.
- I do.
Oh, Kira, you're so good...
at bein' bad.
♪ Oh, when danger comes for you ♪
♪ You know I'll stand beside you ♪
♪ 'Cause ain't nobody
keep things hustle cool ♪
♪ I'll always find a way,
a way out of the fire ♪
♪ Don't tell nobody, tell nobody ♪
♪ I'm not perfect ♪
♪ So many things I wanna tell you ♪
♪ But I, I, I, I keep it undercover ♪
♪ Livin' my life, no way to learn ♪
♪ Doin' my thing, gonna make it work ♪
♪ Know I'm the realest,
baby, I'm fearless ♪
♪ But I always got your back ♪
♪ Nobody can do it like I can ♪
♪ I gotta find out who I am ♪
♪ Ain't got to worry about me ♪
♪ It's all part of the plan ♪
I keep it undercover.
I keep it undercover.
Good afternoon, and salutations.
I am Miss Holley of the Arlington Holleys.
You may recognize me from
the picture on my book
If you don't, Excuse You:
Living A Life of Elegance and Class
is available for purchase in the lobby.
Cash only.
You're late.
I'm sorry, okay?
It took me a while to zip up.
Thankfully, I was able to
pop my shoulder back in.
Welcome to the th annual
mother-daughter debutante tea.
What a resplendent group of young ladies.
And the daughters aren't half bad either.
Elbows!
What? You have to fit in for the mission.
And what exactly is this mission...
to set feminism back years?
Well, Gladys, our new handler,
isn't big on details.
But look around you.
This place is filled with VIP's.
Over there, ambassador's daughter.
And there, governor's daughter.
And Ms. Mega-bucks over there,
well, her family makes the strings
for % of all the teabags.
Wait, so what I'm hearin' is,
she's a chamo-millionaire.
Hey! My arm wasn't even
on the table that time.
And before we crown our Miss Debutante,
our beaus will present our ladies
to society, and they are handsome.
Why, if I were just years younger,
I'd still be a tad too old for them.
And now, ladies, please
join me for the walkabout.
Mom, what exactly is the point of this?
Why can't we just do a... chill-about,
or a get-your-grub-on-about?
Well, if I had to guess, it's a way
to demonstrate a young lady's posture
and elegance and grace.
They call it PEG.
I think. I don't know.
Oh, hey, Judy.
Be a doll and get me a glass of milk.
After that, you can have an
hour of TV, then lights out.
- Aw, did you enjoy it?
- Enjoy what?
Your five seconds of thinking
you are the boss of me.
I'm in charge.
Put that in your glass
of milk and drink it.
Slow your roll, chips for brains.
What makes you think you're in charge?
Let's see. Agent Kira left me all
the emergency contact information,
a list of your allergies, and, oh yeah,
she said, "Judy, you're in charge."
(Loud belch)
If there's a belching competition,
you're definitely a shoo-in.
I'm KC.
What's good, yo? Kiki.
Well, here they call me Kitten.
I'm not really feelin'
this whole high society,
sip-your-tea-proper
type situation.
Really? Your army boots
didn't give that away at all.
I have to do it.
I got four gene-ray-rays up
in this piece, you feel me?
I got my moms, my grandmoms,
my great-grandmoms.
We call her Mom-Moms.
Isn't that technically your mom-mom's mom?
Ladies.
Ma'am, I was just telling KC about
my amazing journey to Africa
to dig wells in order to provide
clean water to local villages.
You are an angel, Kitten.
Is that young lady... (Horrified gasp)
She is chewin' gum!
Young lady, chompin' your
cud is barnyard behavior.
Uh... is it just me, or did you just
go all British up in this piece, yo?
My moms bribed me with
new wheels to get me here,
so I gotta flex my lady
skills, know what I'm sayin'?
Yeah, I know...
Yeah, I know what you...
I feel you.
Would you excuse me for a second?
Yo, Moms... I mean, Mother, uh...
I think our mission has to do
with that tea-string heiress.
See that diamond necklace around her neck?
I think we're here to stop a robbery.
Well, it is like you are reading my emails.
Gladys just told me to
watch her like a hawk.
Watch her style and grace.
The way she holds her teacup, now,
see, that is a perfect pinky.
Why exactly would I care about that stuff?
Oh, did I mention the rest of the email?
Gladys said you have to win Miss Debutante.
What? Why?
Why? Who knows why?
Do I know why? I don't know why.
But I do know that my
job is to follow orders.
Wait, Mom, so you really
expect me to win this thing?
Well, they'd probably
settle for second place.
And we're curtsying.
And curtsying.
And curtsying.
Well, some of you are.
Some of you look like a dizzy flamingo.
Now remember, ladies, if you
wish to have the perfect curtsy,
my DVD, Perfect Curtsying,
is available in the lobby.
- Cash only.
- Cash only.
Isn't this the most fun we've ever had?
You know, on a mission.
Yeah, we're havin' a blast.
I have an idea how I can win that title.
Lay it on me, baby.
I'm here to support you.
If I'm gonna win, I need someone
really good in my corner
with hair, makeup, wardrobe.
You don't have to ask me twice.
Yeah, I wasn't gonna even ask you once.
I think she meant me.
Mom, can you believe that Marisa
got here on such short notice?
No. No, I cannot.
What is she doing here?
Well, she's my glam squad.
Who better to take me
from blah to ♪ Ah! ♪
Oh, I don't know.
Maybe your ma.
I can't believe you asked her here.
Well, thank you, Mrs. Cooper, and here
I was wondering if taking three buses,
two trains and running half a
mile to get here was worth it.
I'll just go grab the rest of my stuff.
Don't worry. I don't need a hand.
KC, what is wrong with you?
What is wrong with me?
What is wrong with you?
Our cover is mother and daughter,
not mother, daughter,
and some friend of yours
who doesn't belong here
but for some reason is.
Mom, relax, okay? As far as Marisa knows,
we are just bonding at a cotillion
that you forced me to go to, okay,
but we both know the truth.
Well, one of us does.
Okay, I know you think
Marisa is some makeup genius,
but honestly, I have
never seen you look worse.
Seriously, you look horrible.
She hasn't put any makeup on me yet.
So far, it's just the face you gave her.
Girl, you are on thin ice.
And this is the dress I brought you.
Oh, no.
What happened to the dress I brought you?
Well, I've heard of polka dots.
I never really heard of polka holes.
Oh, look at that.
I guess moths must have gotten to it.
It's a rookie mistake.
You should've packed it
like I packed this one...
in cedar cellophane, oh, and love.
Almost years old.
It looks like the day it was sewn together.
You know what? Fine.
This dress will actually be perfect for
that party I'm going to next week.
After I make a few more holes.
Uh, Mom, where did you even get that dress?
Gladys sent it over.
From what I understand, three
generations have won in it. So far.
Did all three generations
wear it at the same time?
(Loudly) What?!
I've been thinking.
Ernie, you know nothing
good ever comes of that.
I think Mom made a big mistake
leaving you in charge.
So if I can b*at you at something,
then I'm in charge of you.
- Deal?
- Deal.
What you don't know is, I've been working
out with strength-resistance bands.
Who's ready for some arm
wrestling, little girl?
I guess if you really want to.
(Knuckles cracking)
One, two, three.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, did we start?
Best two out of three?
KC, can I just say, your dress...
Don't bother. Let me do it for you.
This dress is so big, it has seven other
small dresses stuck in its orbit.
This dress is so big, it won't
even return Beyoncé's calls.
This dress is so big, movie theaters
now sell popcorn in three sizes...
regular, large, and this dress.
I was just gonna say
it looks really pretty.
Is it just me, or has your mom
been giving me the stink eye
this whole time I've been here?
What? No. I'm sure
you're just imagining it.
Am I?
Man, you can smell that
stink eye from over here.
Look, okay, the truth is,
this isn't really a
mother-daughter bonding weekend.
We're on a mission.
I'm on a secret mission?
No. I'm on a mission.
You're helping me with my hair and makeup.
Oh. I'm helping out on a secret mission!
Yeah, rule number one in
helping out on a secret mission
is you don't go around yelling "I'm
helping out on a secret mission."
All right, short circuit, your
reign of terror is about to end.
I challenge you to a jumping contest.
It's a little-known fact, I got mad hops.
He who can jump up and grab a
leaf off that tree is in charge.
All right, Hoppy, jump away.
Watch and learn.
Ha!
Your turn.
Okay. You proved your point.
Nobody likes a show-off.
Mom.
Do you have any more
information about the mission?
- The what?
- The mission.
The reason why we are here.
Oh, the mission.
Right.
Oh, been lookin' for that.
Gladys just gave us an update.
Okay, what does it say?
Okay, let's see.
Oh, there are a pair of spies
working as mother and daughter
who are part of a... sleeper
cell we need to identify.
- Seriously?
- Yes, seriously.
It's not like I'm makin' this stuff up.
Oh, and, um... by the way, Gladys
wants you to wear more makeup.
She didn't think you look glamorous enough.
How does she even know what I look like?
Sweetheart, cameras everywhere.
Hey, Gladys.
Good evening, dear.
Oh, you look absolutely stunning.
But that's no surprise,
considering your legacy.
Ah, my legacy.
What legacy would that be again?
Well, I just met your mother,
and she showed me a picture of her in
that very same gown at her cotillion.
Uh, I'm sorry, ma'am.
I think you might be mistaken.
Oh, no, I am quite sure.
Your mother is a former Miss Debutante,
as was your grandmother and
great-grandmother before her.
That makes you a
fourth-generation debutante.
Wait. So I too got four
gene-ray-rays up in this piece?
I mean...
yes, I realize that.
Oh.
In fact, I'm startin' to
realize a lot of things.
Aspiring to save the world isn't easy.
Yes, I could donate millions and millions
and millions from my trust fund.
But instead, my life's mission
is to inspire others to give.
Apparently, they take this whole
speech nonsense very seriously.
So I have a few index
cards Gladys made for you.
Oh, don't worry, Mother.
I wouldn't wanna let... Gladys down.
Thank you, Kitten.
You speak beautifully in public.
Obviously, she's read my book, How
To Speak Beautifully In Public.
By the way, it is available in the lobby.
(Miss Holley's voice) Cash only.
Next, we will hear from Miss KC Cooper.
(Sighs) Thank you, everyone.
My name is KC Cooper, and for
my speech, I'm going to need
a bit of assistance from Miss Holley.
- Miss Holley.
- Yes.
Pull my finger.
Oh, Judy.
Ernie, I've lost interest
in this whole game.
If you want to be in charge so
bad, fine, you're in charge.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I don't need your pathetic little handouts.
All right, sometimes I do.
But not this time.
I finally figured out the one thing
- you can't b*at me at.
- Losing?
Uh, no.
An eating competition.
That's not fair. I don't eat.
Oh, that's right.
I forgot.
Robots don't eat.
So what I'm hearing is...
I win!
That's right, winner winner, chicken
dinner, which you also can't eat.
(Choking)
Hey, looks like you can't eat either.
Guess it's a tie.
And finally, I'd like to present
our debutantes to society.
Evelyn Merkintosh of Bridgeport, Virginia.
KC Coretta Scott Cooper
of Arlington, Virginia.
What happened to you?
You look like you got
into a fight with a cat.
And the cat won.
Mom, I completed our mission.
What are you talkin' about?
Remember Kitten Van Camp?
She and her mother were
the undercover spies,
but it's okay, 'cause I took care of them.
You took care of them?
Yeah, I took care of them.
Wiped 'em out, eliminated 'em.
They're swimming with the fishes.
I don't really know all
the technical terms for it,
but rest assured, we won't be
hearing from them for a long time.
Like forever.
You eliminated Kitten and her mother?
Yeah, and this janitor who just
walked in at the wrong time.
But it was kind of convenient,
because he had a mom.
Oh, baby, no!
Oh, Mama, yeah.
Why... why would you do that?
I had no choice.
I got an email telling me to from Gladys.
From Gladys?
There is no...
Presenting Kitten Van Camp
of Manassas, Virginia.
When did you figure it out?
Well, I had a little
chitchat with Miss Holley
and she told me all about my legacy,
although I should've known something was up
when we went undercover
using our real names.
Oopsie.
Honey, I'm so sorry.
It's just that this cotillion
is something I always wanted
us to experience together.
Mom, why didn't you just tell me?
Don't you think I would've done it?
Okay, don't you think I would've done it
once I realized how
important it was to you?
Okay.
Don't you think I would've
done it once I realized
how important it was to you
and you guilted me into it?
Okay, yeah, I'm startin' to
see why you tricked me into it.
Sweetheart, I'm sorry.
It's just that you're growing up so fast.
I want to savor these
moments while I still got 'em.
It's okay. I love you, Mom.
I love you, too, baby.
And now, our Miss Debutante
of the th Chesapeake,
Virginia, cotillion is...
KC Coretta Scott Cooper.
That's my girl!
I mean, congratulations.
I won? How in the heck did I win?
Sweetheart, you inherited my genes.
It's in your DNA.
Huh. Guess I'm a little
more sophisticated and classy
than I give myself credit for.
You sure are, baby.
I can't believe my baby won.
Why not? You paid to make it happen.
And by the way...
(Both) Cash only.
I still think you could've
helped me with this.
It was a tie, so technically,
we're both in charge.
Ernie, does it really
matter who's in charge?
No, I guess not.
Wow, this place looks great,
like cleaner than when we left.
Ernie, did you move out for the weekend?
Oh, leave him alone. He did a good job.
I knew I was right to
leave you in charge, baby.
I was in charge?
I was in charge?!
Judy!
(Nervous laughter)
Look at that.
Looks like I made a mistake.
Rob, your name's on TV.