Kevin and Allison, together forever.
Previously on "Kevin
Can [BLEEP] Himself."
I k*lled him with oxycodone and
then made it look like an O.D.
You'll have to wait till
I re-up Monday afternoon.
- Thank you.
- Worcester PD.
Everybody stay where you are.
My friend was hauled off
in a pair of handcuffs,
and my stash is in an
evidence bag somewhere.
- Does that mean that you're...
- Dry, no pills.
I may have a connection in Vermont.
I think you should come with me.
- Really?
- I need a car.
- You can borrow Kevin's.
- We'll go together.
Anything good? Are we rich?
cents, screws,
and a tooth with a very large filling.
Lemme see that.
No, not mine.
[LAUGHTER]
Nice tooth, though.
[LAUGHTER]
I really thought the park
would have more good stuff.
Hey, what do you say we try your yard
after we have lunch, some
beers, a nap, and dinner?
Neil, I love ya,
but it's high time we abandon your
get-rich-quick schemes in
favor of a get-wealthy-fast idea
I recently had.
[LAUGHTER]
Sounds way better. I'm listening.
[LAUGHTER]
We're gonna open our own escape room.
I've never heard of this thing,
which immediately makes me hate it.
An escape room is business idea, Dad.
People pay good money to
be locked inside a room.
Plus, we can do it right here.
We already got a basement and a padlock.
That's what they call "low overhead."
[LAUGHTER]
Please don't lock anyone in my house.
Babe, we are discussing
business here, like titans of industry.
You wouldn't understand.
Kev, look at the first three letters
of the word "titans."
[LAUGHING]
Kev. Kev. Kevin!
- What, what, what?
- Where are the keys?
What... What do you need the keys for?
For the car.
I'm taking Patty to the Beauty Expo.
Pretty sure I mentioned
that to you last night.
And then again this morning.
I don't remember that,
and I remember everything.
I must've forgotten to ask.
Ah, God, how could I forget?
I'm such an idiot.
Here I was, gonna get
you guys a few handles of
tequila from the duty-free
liquor store in New Hampshire.
- Whoa.
- Hey, now.
If you need the car, you need the car.
Don't b*at yourself up about it.
The keys are with the wall spoons.
Thanks, hon.
Okay, we need to think of
a theme for our escape room.
Last thing... I have a
corned beef in the oven, so...
Yep, yep, and for advertising reasons,
the theme should probably
rhyme with the word "room."
I need you to take it out
in a few hours, okay?
Okay, let's think.
What do people want
desperately to escape from?
Escape... tomb.
Anybody hear me?
Escape womb. Gotta get outta there.
Ah. Too disgusting.
Alexa, can you please set the timer for
six hours from now?
ALEXA: Six hours, starting now.
Whoa, what'd you get it going for?
The beef is in the oven.
I'm leaving now. Please
don't burn down my house.
Geez, babe, sure.
Whoa, what do you need the keys for?
I can't.
[LAUGHTER]
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
I mean, Allison's cute and all,
but sometimes I think
she thinks I'm an idiot.
I tell ya, being married really is...
I know that look.
Stroke!
Neil, you can't just
scream out "stroke."
- Fine. Genius stroke!
- No...
No, no, both of you, shut up.
[CHUCKLES] I've got our theme.
Who wants to escape the most?
Just, like, drop everything and go AWOL?
- Priests.
- Shawshank.
What?
No, and no.
There's a group of people who have it
even worse... husbands.
Boys, we're gonna make an Escape Groom.
Escape Groom. Right?
You get it, Neil?
Nope.
[LAUGHTER]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
PATTY: One sec.
[KNOCKING CONTINUES]
Jesus, Allison, just come on in.
Patty O'Connor?
- Yeah.
- Hello again.
Detective Tammy Ridgeway. Worcester PD.
Uh, sorry. Have we...
Not officially.
I was at the pharmacy
bust a few days back.
My partner took a statement from you.
Oh, right. Yeah, uh, Detective Abraham.
No. Just Bram. Bob Bram.
Uh, that's... That's a cool name.
I just have a few follow-up questions.
You got a minute?
Sure.
Do you have any idea
what that bust was about?
Well, you arrested a pharmacist,
so I assume... arson?
Drug trafficking and money-laundering.
That's... Geez, that's tough.
Yeah.
Guess he was supplying dealers locally.
Did you, uh... did you
know him, the pharmacist?
Yeah, we went to the same high school.
He was a band geek who'd
aggressively make out
with his girlfriend in yellow hall.
And I'm not sure how helpful that is.
Well, it could be helpful
since he's been filling
your prescription for about a decade.
Yeah, and the same guy's
owned the gas station
at the corner my whole life.
I mean [SIGHS] I see him a lot more,
and all I know about
him is that he hands me
my cigarettes real well.
"Memoirs of a Geisha."
Any good?
No idea. Haven't read it yet.
Well, they made
a movie out of it, right?
So how bad can it be?
[CHUCKLES] It's next on my list.
You got a lot of books.
Yeah, uh, hey, I just remembered,
I-I'm running late for something.
- Could we, um...
- Sure thing.
Just in case, maybe wait a minute
before you go out of town.
Okay?
Yeah, you bet.
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
- Hey.
- Hey.
Whoa, I'm driving.
It's my car.
No, it's Kevin's car.
And we're going four hours
to meet my guy with the dr*gs.
Yeah, but the dr*gs are for me.
They're for Jared.
Jason.
Like "Friday the th."
No one's ever been scared
of a guy named Jared before.
Okay. [SIGHS]
They're for Freddy Krueger...
To get him off your back or whatever.
You like slasher films, too?
We're not bonding, okay?
And you're not driving 'cause
you're like a tourist here,
and tourists should
never be allowed to drive.
Gimme those.
Hope you have a strong bladder.
I don't make stops.
And we're off like a herd of turtles.
[ENGINE STARTS]
[HORN HONKING]
[SIGHS] I'm going .
[HONKING CONTINUES]
Fathead.
Oh, look at his plates.
He's from North Dakota.
That's exotic.
Exotic?
Well, it's far. Better than here.
You think North Dakota's
better than Worcester?
I mean, yeah, probably.
What about you?
Well, I have this theory.
Everywhere's bad.
[SCOFFS]
North Dakota, Worcester, Florida...
Nowhere's better than anywhere else.
They're all just bad in their own way.
Florida's humid.
North Dakota probably has,
I don't know, snakes or whatever.
I bet France has its sh*t.
- So everywhere's bad?
- Everywhere's bad.
[SCOFFS] I don't know.
I'd like to see different places.
Maybe I should've been a trucker.
Just me and Celine Dion's second CD,
and I'd just stock up on beef jerky.
You do not eat beef jerky.
I would if I could ever go anywhere.
My dad was a trucker back in the ' s.
Wasn't exactly Walden on wheels, okay?
It's just a bunch of guys
racing through traffic,
dealing with some combination of dr*gs,
diabetes, and slipped disks.
[SIGHS] The times my
dad was actually home,
I wished he'd go back out on the road.
Your mom want him home?
No idea.
She d*ed when we were kids.
Neil found her.
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry.
Settle down.
It's not like you did it.
Actually, I did.
I wanted your trucker dad all to myself.
That's funny.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Kev, I... I got a
little business question.
Yes, you can be the vice president of
the Escape Groom's parent
company, Kevlndustries.
[LAUGHTER]
That's... wow, that's very generous,
and I formally accept,
but my question's about
how we get actual customers.
There's a lot of escape rooms out there.
This escape room is gonna be better than
all the others because ours has a twist.
We are gonna offer $ ,
to any team that escapes.
[LAUGHTER]
- Follow-up question.
- Yes.
- How?
- - [LAUGHTER]
'Cause $ , is, like,
$ , more than you have in the bank.
That's where my top-secret
second twist comes into play...
This room is inescapable.
I-I get it, but I don't think Pete does,
so maybe explain it so he understands.
[LAUGHTER]
Our clues are so c... Our
clues are so complicated,
they basically lead nowhere.
So we just hide the
key somewhere random,
and then when time's up, it's like,
"Sorry, your book smarts
didn't help ya here."
Pure "Good Will Hunting."
[LAUGHTER]
"What about the apples?"
[LAUGHTER]
You misquote that movie again,
I'm taking away your
Massachusetts driver's license.
Now, all we gotta do
is print out the fliers
to pass out all over town.
Except I don't know
how to work the printer.
Or the computer.
Luckily, I know someone
who's an expert at explaining
simple tasks to me like I'm a toddler.
[LAUGHTER]
["I'M SHIPPING UP TO BOSTON" PLAYS]
Send it to voicemail.
Won't he think we're up to something?
If you don't pick up one time?
Come on. It's fine.
["I'M SHIPPING UP TO BOSTON" PLAYS]
- [SIGHS]
- Jesus.
How many times is he gonna call?
I don't know.
What, you always pick up?
[MUSIC STOPS]
See? World didn't end.
We're all still here.
Keep an eye out for
Ardmore Lane, would ya?
Why don't you just use your phone?
And have this guy's address in there?
Come on, Barbie.
Who even is this guy?
He's a guy a I know from
high school who still deals.
Moved up here a few years ago.
Rick DiNunzio.
Wait, we're buying
dr*gs from a DiNunzio?
Thought I missed out
on my chance to do that
in high school.
Never indulged in that rite of passage.
I'm shocked.
Ah, but everyone got
their stuff from DiNunzio.
Rick wasn't in my year, but one of them
pissed in the pool and
got my swim meet canceled.
Which one? Joey? Ronnie? Deena?
- Davy.
- Ah. Davy.
He loved to piss on things.
Um, also, how did I not know we went to
the same high school?
Because up until minutes
ago, I didn't know I liked you.
After years?
What changed your mind?
When you said you k*lled my mom.
You sure you got the right address?
Yep.
I just didn't think a drug
den would be so Town & Country.
Oh, okay, this makes more sense.
[ENGINE SHUTS OFF]
No, no.
Hands and feet inside
the tour bus at all times.
[CAR DINGING]
He said to wait by the lawn mower.
[g*nf*re]
MAN: Oh, no. Come on.
[LAUGHTER, INDISTINCT TALKING]
Patricia?
Yeah. Who are you?
I'm Jif, Rick's step-son.
Where's Rick?
He's at work, but he said you'd be by.
Come in.
[LAUGHTER, INDISTINCT TALKING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[g*nf*re]
Wow. I like your room.
Kind of Pinterest-rustic.
[g*nf*re]
Uh, Rick said that you
had some newspapers for...
What? Trevor, turn that down.
Rick said you had some newspapers.
For $ ?
Right.
What?
What the hell are these?
Newspapers.
No, we wanted Oxys, not cocaine.
Well, then you should've
asked for magazines,
not newspapers.
We change up the names
sometimes for security reasons.
Okay. Okay, well, uh,
we would like some magazines, then.
Sorry, Rick just traded
the last of our magazines
for those newspapers you asked for.
Come on. Are you kidding me?
Okay, uh, well, we don't want this,
and, uh, we would just
like our money back, please.
Jesus Christ.
Trevor, just walk it to the garbage can.
- [SIGHS]
- Yeah, uh, we don't really have
an exchange policy.
I mean, you could always
try and trade the guy back,
but he'll probably
just mark up the price.
Who'd he give the Oxys to?
No idea.
I went with Rick.
Buy me a -pack, and
I'll take you to the guy.
What? No. You're like years old.
- Six-pack?
- Done.
[CHUCKLES] Sure. Take Trevor.
And I suggest you leave
this one at home next time.
She's looking mighty custy.
Custy?
Like an obvious customer.
I am a customer.
["I'M SHIPPING UP TO BOSTON" PLAYS]
That's me.
Jesus, Allison.
Sorry.
[CELLPHONE CLICKS, MUSIC STOPS]
Declined. [CHUCKLES]
[GRUNTS]
I don't understand why
she's not picking up.
First she leaves me
hanging with the printer,
and now I can't find
my lucky Bruins hat.
How is this business venture
supposed to work if I
can't find my lucky hat?
Son, we don't need luck.
Besides, some of these clues seem hard.
They are pretty good.
I mean, why does this
bus ticket go to numbers?
Those are coordinates
to Kissimmee, Florida.
It's where you'd hide out
while your would-be bride
deals with returning
all the wedding gifts.
[LAUGHTER]
Why Kissimmee, though?
Well, obviously, Kissimmee is
an anagram for "Me-me-I-kiss."
So they have to kiss
the mirror [SMOOCHES]
at the altar in order
to get the next clue.
How many more clues like this are there?
A trail of .
Each one less solvable than the last.
And if they somehow manage
to get to the final clue,
they have to find the
word "pipe" spelled out
on four separate,
individual grains of rice.
Only then can they find the key.
On the pipe.
I've never been more proud of you, son.
[LAUGHTER]
Oh, God, it smells good out here.
Where is that kid?
How do I know? I'm
out here, same as you.
[SIGHS]
Jesus.
He programmed it so it
always when he calls.
I don't know how to undo it.
You turn it off, that's how.
Okay.
Phone time's over. See?
Great.
[SIGHS]
Trevor said he'd be right
out. Now he's just being rude.
This is how it works, okay?
The pill connect probably works inside,
and Trevor will bring
him out on his next break.
[SCOFFS] Stop being so custy.
Come on. You didn't
know that word either.
There he is. See?
So I guess that's his connect?
Looks like they have a very professional
business relationship.
Oh, I see.
You're funny all the time now, huh?
Who are you?
I'm Brittani.
What's in the bag?
Burgers.
It's a burger place.
I just had to go pick
up my girl, you know,
before we go get my beers.
Look, I'm not new here, okay?
You can't extort me
into being your taxi.
Um, I kinda can.
Unless you don't need any pills.
These are basically mine.
Um...
That's good. Very crunchy.
Good.
[ENGINE STARTS]
Um, the fliers worked.
There's like five people outside.
Alright, it's go time.
Everyone, we need to get into character.
Dad, remember, you're the
kindly priest who signals
with his eyes that the
groom should say, "I don't."
Got it.
Neil, you're the emcee.
The emcee? But I can't rap.
[LAUGHTER]
Last time I tried, I just
rhymed the word "snake"
with "snake" over and over
again until the guy unplugged
my microphone.
No, no, no. You're the host,
like a strip-club deejay.
Your job is to make
us comfortable without
distracting from the main event.
The butts and the boobs.
Exactly.
And finally, I'm gonna
go "UnderKever Boss"
on these suckas.
Oh. [LAUGHTER]
'Course, I know what you
mean, but Neil seems lost.
I'm gonna pose as a customer.
The others will quickly
identify my smarts and charisma
and elect me as their leader
and ask me to supervise
the escape mission.
And then you subtly
guide them off-course.
Even better, I play hard to get.
"Who me? I couldn't
possibly solve these clues.
Maybe that drip over
there should be in charge."
You little tease.
You can milk the clock all the way down
to the buzzer that way.
And I intend to. [CHUCKLES]
Get ready to be rich as hell, boys.
Welcome.
Please be sure all
phones are in the basket.
There will be no cheating allowed.
I will be locking the door behind you.
Already left my phone in
the car, whoever you are.
Nice.
You have one hour to
escape and win $ , .
Where are the clues?
God and the priest only knows.
[LAUGHTER]
Hey, wow. Um, you two look alike.
Don't they look like
they could be related?
TOGETHER: What? I'm way
better looking than him.
[LAUGHTER]
My son, God does not like questions.
And begin!
Well, I-I guess we need
someone to take charge.
Uh, how about you?
Who me? I don't know if I should.
Okay, then, I'll do it.
What?
I'll find out what the priest knows
while you all go through the clues.
[GASPS] That mirror.
It looks important.
[LAUGHTER]
Um...
I think there are coordinates
on this bus ticket.
I'm a pilot.
Looks like that's Kissimmee, Florida.
Must be some sort of anagram.
Uh, Kissimmee... "Me Me I Kiss"?
[YELPS]
Ah, good ideas, all around.
[LAUGHTER]
[TIRES SCREECH]
Oop, we're here.
Damn, drive normal.
You have coke in the car.
Nobody cares how I'm
driving. We're in Vermont.
Live free or die, right?
That's New Hampshire.
- Same thing.
- Same thing.
We're here?
- We're in the middle of nowhere.
- Too bad.
Now, where's this guy with the pills?
I told you he's at the mall.
Oh, yeah? Or am I just
your chauffeur to Hot Topic?
[SIGHS]
Dude hangs out in a parking
lot by Centennial Woods.
He goes by Red Rooster.
- [SCOFFS] Come on.
- Green light.
Shh. Keep going.
His truck's usually parked out there.
Do not get out of the car.
You pull up, honk twice, and
he'll get in the back seat
so you can do your business on the move.
Thank you for being honest.
That's the last stop on the bang bus.
Now get out.
- Are you serious?
- Yep.
Bitch.
That's right.
Nice mouth.
- Good luck, custies.
- Thank you.
Really?
Phyllis, I'm almost
done decoding the vows.
Way to go, Asher!
[LAUGHS] Yeah.
Wait, guys, I found a grain
of rice with a letter on it.
Ooh!
At this rate, we'll have that
, bucks in no time.
Hang on. Hang on. [CHUCKLES]
Let's back up for a second here.
Tall guy wanted me to
be in charge at first,
and there must've
been a reason for that.
Not really. It was just sort of random.
It wasn't random!
It wasn't.
You had an instinct, and I
think that we should honor that.
Fair enough. Um, we got some extra time.
So, uh, what's your suggestion?
Right, like I'm just gonna
tell you my suggestion
so you can repeat it back
louder and get credit for it
like I do with Kelly's jokes at work?
[CHUCKLES] Nice try.
I'll be strategizing with
each of you individually.
Tall guy, you're up first. Come on.
[CLANK, KEY CLINKS]
I guess you're a pretty
good leader after all.
Looks like you just found the key!
Hey!
No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no.
This is a fake key.
Look, ugh, you can just
snap it right in half.
[LAUGHTER]
[GROANS]
Oh, my God. Are you okay?
It looks like your hand is bleeding.
No, it's, uh... it's...
It's just jelly 'cause...
'cause it's a candy
key with filling in it.
See? The key is food.
[LAUGHTER]
[GASPING]
[GAGS]
[LAUGHTER]
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
[LAUGHTER]
Ahh!
I can't believe we're meeting
a guy named Red Rooster.
Trevor seemed to know
what he was talking about.
This place is creepy.
It's a parking lot.
Yeah, well, you like slasher movies.
Don't hang out in parking
garages or parking lots
or help a guy move a
couch into his creepy van.
Okay. Maybe you have a point.
[ENGINE SHUTS OFF]
[HORN HONKS TWICE]
[DOOR CLOSES]
- Oh, God.
- It's fine.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Don't talk.
- I'm not gonna...
- Don't. Allison.
Yeah?
We're looking for... Red.
Uh, Rooster?
Okay. Good. Um...
We're looking to trade.
Oh.
Okay. Let's go.
Yeah.
We can't get out of the car, remember?
Right, change of plans.
No, Trevor said we can't...
Trevor is .
There's no, like, right way
to do this sh*t, Allison.
There's nothing right about any of it.
And now they have our coke. So...
[SIGHS]
I either go with them,
or we go back
empty-handed to Worcester.
[CAR DINGING]
- Lock the door.
- Well, be careful.
[DINGING STOPS]
Look, we could keep re-litigating
my correct choice to eat
that fake food key, or...
[RETCHES]
Or we could start looking for
the real key and win that moolah.
Okay? Alright, so who's with me?
[GAGS]
Maybe you should just let us all out.
I think he needs a doctor.
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
NEIL: Hour's up! No one escaped!
Oh! Oh, yeah! Whoo-hoo!
It feels so good.
He was in on it the whole time.
[CHUCKLES]
"Good Will Hunting'd" all of ya.
[LAUGHS] How do those apples feel?
We all knew you were a part of it, okay?
Can we just leave, please?
Yeah, and you two are related, right?
My son, that's strike two.
You're out.
This is honestly
getting really upsetting.
Oh-ho-ho. Sore losers, much?
Neil, will you please find the real key
and slide it under the door.
NEIL: Sure thing. Where is it again?
Uh, it's on my key ring.
It says "Dilly Dilly" on it.
Okay. I'm not seeing it.
Hey, didn't Allison take
your keys this morning?
Oh, Jesus.
NEIL: Don't sweat it,
g*ng. I'll get you out.
I may just sort of need
to chop the door down.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Allison got so mad at
us last time we did that.
No, no, go get your power
drill and screw off the hinges.
I loaned my drill to my cousin Terry.
Oh, Terry still up in Grafton?
Nah, they moved. Terry's in Shrewsbury.
Yeah, yeah? How's he liking it?
He loves it.
They got a Buffalo Wild Wings there now.
Ah, they got the best
commercials, don't they?
Hello?
What is happening?
Oh, hey, hey, run up to Shrewsbury,
come back, drill us out.
NEIL: You got it.
How long will this take?
Uh, minutes.
[ALARM RINGING]
Alexa, stop!
That was weird. [CHUCKLES]
Wonder who set that.
[LAUGHTER]
[HUMMING]
Uh...
Oh, thank God.
[SIGHS]
[CAR DINGING]
[DINGING STOPS]
- Okay, so, don't freak out.
- Okay.
I didn't get you the Oxys,
but I did get you something else.
Something I'd argue is far more useful.
They gave you a g*n? What the hell?
- Shh.
- I need the pills.
What am I gonna do with a g*n?
You're gonna protect
yourself, that's what.
You don't have to worry
about Jason Voorhees
shaking you down anymore.
Just point this at him,
and he'll leave you alone.
Just point it at him?
- Yeah, here. Take it.
- No!
[SCOFFS] Come on.
You already k*lled my
mom. What's the big deal?
[SIGHS]
Chill out, Barbie. It's not even loaded.
I was alone with them in the woods.
What was I supposed to
do? Just hand the g*n back?
Yes!
Fine. You know what?
You do the deals from now on.
- Wait, where are we going?
- Home.
- No.
- This was a bust.
Wait, no, please.
- No, we're getting out of here.
- No, please. Wait. Sorry.
I... I didn't mean to sound ungrateful.
I just... I really need those pills.
I didn't want to worry
you, but that guy,
I don't know what he can
do, what he's capable of.
He started stalking me,
following me everywhere I go.
Okay, so take the g*n...
No, Patty, I-I jump out of my
skin when I hear a car horn.
I'm not gonna carry around a g*n.
I just need those pills
so he'll leave me alone.
Please.
I can't live like this anymore.
[SIGHS]
There's one more place I can try.
But it's two hours away.
Okay. Yes. Yes.
Thank you. I'm in.
Get your hand off my hand.
Okay.
Thank you.
Why does it smell like camping?
Is that smoke?
Smells like... [SNIFFS] corned beef.
One of you guys put a
corned beef in my oven?
Oh, I think my wife did it.
God, how dare she leave
and let everything go to hell like this.
Great, so now we're gonna
die of smoke inhalation?
Okay, okay, just cool it, alright?
We just gotta air the
place out a little bit.
You know, get some ventilation.
Wait, there's a window?
Okay, uh, why didn't you guys tell us
there was a way out?
'Cause it's not.
It's clearly too small
for any actual adult to...
fit through.
[LAUGHTER]
[ENGINE SHUTS OFF]
You pump. I'm gonna get a Red Bull
and stock up on menthols
while we're outta state.
You want a Red Bull?
Ooh, no thanks. That
stuff freaks me out.
All those chemicals?
Yes, you're such a puritan.
[ENGINE SHUTS OFF]
Allison?
Allison?!
Sorry. [CHUCKLES]
I'm sure I brought some
emergency cash from home.
Take your time.
Oh, sh**t.
[GRUNTS]
Oh!
Patty, what the hell are you doing?
I can't believe he followed you here.
What?
That... Isn't that the guy?
Jason?
No, this isn't Jason.
This is just some guy.
I... but, uh, I was saving you.
Patty, we gotta go, okay?
I was saving you.
Honey, that wasn't the guy.
We gotta go now. Okay?
[MAN GROANS]
Okay, come on. Come on.
[GASPS]
[ENGINE STARTS]
[TIRES SQUEAL]
You okay?
Want me to turn down the heat?
- No.
- Okay.
You mind?
[CAN POPS]
Let's just go home, okay?
Mm-hmm.
Hey, it's fine.
Everything's gonna be fine.
[SIGHS]
[SIREN WAILS]
Allison?
It's going to be fine.
Oh, God.
- It's fine.
- What the hell?
Stop saying it's fine. This isn't...
Listen, my dad was a cop, okay?
Just sit there and try
not to look so terrified.
Jesus.
[SIGHS]
License and registration.
Of course.
Sorry. I'm nervous.
Never been pulled over before.
Did I, um... did I not
signal to something?
Name?
Allison Devine McRoberts.
Devine is my maiden name.
My father was Les Devine.
He worked for the Worcester Police...
OFFICER: And you.
Uh, P-Patty. Um, P...
Um, Patricia O'Connor.
Quite a ways from Worcester.
What's your business in Vermont?
Oh, we were, uh... we were
attending a Beauty Expo.
Doesn't look like you bought anything.
Do you have any idea why
this car was reported stolen?
Stolen?
This is my husband's car.
The report was filed
by a Kevin McRoberts.
[SIGHS]
[CHUCKLING] I am such an idiot.
I, um... I borrowed
the car, and I just...
I forgot to tell him
how long I'd be gone.
And then my phone d*ed.
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
I am so, so sorry, officer,
for wasting your time.
I completely understand if we need to
come down to the station
till we sort this out.
[CHUCKLES]
I don't think we need to do all that.
Last name and address are the same.
Doesn't take a rocket scientist
to figure this one out.
Maybe use your friend's
phone and call your hubby?
Check in.
'Course. [CHUCKLES]
Thank you so much.
Sorry.
OFFICER: Drive safe.
Thank you.
[SIGHS]
Thank you.
Anytime.
Thank you so much.
Wow.
_
Oh, my God. He called the cops?
Because you didn't answer your phone?
[SIGHS] No.
I'm sure he had a great reason.
Kevin, you called the police?
What was I supposed to do?
I've been trying to reach you all day.
I thought you'd been
Liam Neeson "Taken."
[LAUGHTER]
I pictured you lying dead in the trunk
with some thug driving off in my car.
[LAUGHTER]
I was scared and concerned,
and I'm so relieved
that you're okay because
I can't find the Crisco.
Pull!
Pull!
It's in the pantry.
Top shelf. It says "Crisco" on it.
No, I don't know where
your Bruins hat is.
Have you checked in your closet?
Okay, anything else?
Like I just said, the
Crisco is in the pantry.
Okay?
And that's why I should've
picked up the phone.
[SCOFFS] So it's my fault?
Like I could've predicted
he'd do something like
- call the cops?
- Yeah.
You've been hanging out
with him for years.
But this... this is...
Different?
Yeah.
[SIGHS] Okay. Okay.
Patty, do you remember when
I got that job as a paralegal?
I started working a lot,
and Kevin convinced everyone
I was having an affair?
My money was on cult. But, yeah.
He thought that I'd fallen
in love with my boss,
who was and married.
But that didn't matter.
Kevin still put sugar in his gas t*nk.
Ruined his Saturn.
Okay, fine, I never
said he was a great guy.
But that's the kind of
juvenile crap he does.
Patty, he got me fired.
Right when I felt like
I was worth something.
He ruined it.
And you just watched him and laughed.
Can you just think about
that for more than one second?
He didn't like something
that was my own,
and so he took it away from me.
Like this car.
Like my friends.
Like any shred of a life that is my own.
I-It...
It seemed... harmless.
And when he spent all our life savings
without telling me?
Was that harmless, too?
[SEAT BELT CLICKS]
I...
I'm sorry.
Why?
Wasn't your fault. It's Kevin's.
The world revolves around him.
No, it's not that it
does, it's that it has to.
And if it doesn't, he
just blows it to hell.
And it has to stop.
I have to b*at him.
So you're going on benders,
ripping off dangerous guys?
That's how you're dealing with it?
[SCOFFS] You're smarter than that.
No, I'm not ripping anyone off.
No one's after me.
Nobody except my husband.
I need those pills for him.
'Cause I'm gonna k*ll Kevin.
[ENGINE STARTS]
["I'M SHIPPING UP TO BOSTON" PLAYS]