02x04 - Me and Mr. Joad

[bunniefuu]

- That's Grapes of Wrath.
- Yes, it is.

- That's a real book.
- It's a two-pounder.

- And it looks like you're very near the end.
- Page .

I am impressed.
I'm impressed to the point of who-are-you.

And now I'm on .

You're reading it backwards?

Yeah. See, this way,
I already know what's gonna happen,

which makes everything
that happens before it make sense.

- What do you think?
- Pretty good.

Not as good as your idea of taking
all showers on the first of the month.

Yeah, I was too clean in February.

No. I don't care what errand
Desiree is sending you on.

You are gonna sit down
and eat some breakfast.

You'd like that, if she never got
her shampoo, wouldn't you, Mom?

Wouldn't you? Wouldn't you?

What kind of control
does this girl have over you?

The girl does not control me.
I control her.

Ha!

Ah, she needs conditioner.

Ooh!

I've lost my son.
Good thing I still have another son.

"Whenever there's a fight
so hungry people can eat, I'll be there.

Whenever there's a cop beatin' up a guy,
I'll be there."

Boy, that came outta nowhere.

OK, we're talkin' about
The Grapes of Wrath.

Who can give us an overview
of what we've read so far?

- Muscle spasm, Matthews?
- No, sir. I'd like to take a sh*t.

OK, everybody, give him room.

All right. I think the conclusion of the book

shows the Joad family's been pretty much
destroyed by the greedy farm bosses,

but the author's telling us they still have
their dignity, and they're gonna fight on.

What just happened?

You're a disgrace to the entire back row.

OK, this story about migrant farm workers
in the s

shows us that powerful people
will exploit the powerless

until they organize
and stand up for their rights.

- Yes.
- Yeah, the thing about the s -

will we have to know dates for the test?

The date is not as important
as understanding the historical context

of the whole struggle for workers' rights.

Excuse me.
What page is the historical context on?

- Are you kidding me?
- We need to know that for the test, right?

No, forget about the test.
I want you to learn about this book

to add to your personal knowledge,
not to just pass a test.

I don't wanna hear anymore
about the test. What?

- Uh, when is the test?
- What did I just say?

OK, could I just ask one more question
about the...

you know, the written thing you put a
grade on that tells our parents we're idiots.

- There won't be any essays, will there?
- Matthews, as long as you read the book

and open your yap
during the class discussion, no test. OK?

Now can we possibly return
to what is important here?

No test.

My, my. Your fourth-period English class
is looking unusually chipper today.

You know, it's international day
here in the cafeteria.

Nothing lights up a young face
like a big bowl of hummus.

That could be.

But I wonder if it had anything to do
with your innovative no-test policy.

What? Oh, no, no, no.
It's not a policy.

I just made the kids a deal that
if they do the work and learn this book,

then I don't need a test on this book.
I don't think that's radical thinking. Do you?

Oh, not at all, Mr. Turner.

In fact, why don't we take off our clothes
and run willy-nilly through the woods.

If my kids know their stuff
then why do I need a test to prove it?

How do you determine
that they know their stuff?

Because I know my kids.

I know my dog, but I haven't a clue
what he's thinking.

- You have a dog?
- Well, no.

You see, without the test,

your students will come into class
tomorrow knowing absolutely nothing.

Well, call me optimistic,
but I think you're wrong.

Are you optimistic enough
to try your theory?

- Try how?
- Try test.

- Give them the exam tomorrow.
- And what'll that prove?

It'll prove whether they really work
when they believe they don't have to.

- And if they do?
- Well, then, I consider your methods.

- And if they don't?
- I'll consider yours.

Mrs. M! Ooh, lookin' hot! Didn't you
just do a guest spot on Baywatch?

Thank you, Jason,
but I think I'm just a little too mature.

Oh, stop. I'll tell you, though - if they do
Baywatch: the Next Generation, you're in.

Hey, Jase.

Hey, you're not sh**ting hoops
dressed like that, are you?

No, I gotta bail on the game today.
Something kinda came up.

Oh, let me guess, and I'm just pulling
this out of the air here -

a certain senior girl named, uh, Vampira?

- Desiree.
- Oh, that's her day name.

- I have to go to the mall with her.
- You "have to"?

So she can show me
what she wants for her birthday.

All right. My condolences
on the loss of your son.

Thank you, Jason. And in lieu of flowers,
please send donations

to the foundation
for the terminally whipped.

I really don't know why
you two are so down on her.

Oh, is that your pager?

No.

Oh, let's see.
She has just pulled into the driveway

and she would like a glass of water.

Eric, you go near that sink,
and I will not be responsible for what I do.

I just wanna get her a... Oh, man!

Next time, listen to me.

Oh, hello, Jason.
Over here doin' a little yard work?

Be a dear - run and fetch Eric.

Oh, jeez, Desiree, they didn't tell you?

Seems as though Eric was taking a bath
and the pager went off. Wasn't pretty.

They're zippin' the bag up now.
As a matter of fact,

you should get outta here before
the cops start asking questions, so...

- Jason!
- Oh, you're alive.

May I ask why you are wearin'
a dish towel in your trousers?

Um, see, my zipper was hit by lightning,

and my mom had to throw water on me
to put the fire out.

- Do you believe me?
- No.

Now do you believe me?

Eric, come, play hoops. I'm throwing
you a lifeline here, boy. Take it.

You play basketball?

Yeah.

Aren't you a little petite?

OK, that's it! You and me,
north against south, rematch, come on!

Without that accent, you're nothing,
you Georgia peach! Come on!

Are you gonna let him talk to me like that?

Are you gonna let her talk to me like that?

Yes.

Fine. Later.

I'm afraid you have a decision to make
between your little elfin buddy and myself.

I am not elfin.

I am a human being!

All right, class. In The Grapes of Wrath,
we see that the struggle to organize,

to get justice for the migrant farm workers,
was long and difficult.

Heads were broken. People were k*lled.
A lot of blood.

Sounds like Bingo night in my trailer park.

Now, like the Joads, we also find ourselves
in the middle of a little struggle.

We don't want tests. We think we can learn
the material without 'em.

- Right.
- Yeah.

Now, the boss - or Mr. Feeny, in this case -
doesn't believe us,

so what we gotta do is prove to the boss
that we can learn this book

without taking a test.

- Right.
- Right.

And to prove that, we're just gonna answer
a few questions on this piece of paper.

- It's a test.
- No, don't think of it as a test.

It's a survey.

- Survey says...
- Test!

- You gave us your word.
- I even read the book.

Yeah, my head still hurts.

So, why don't we just talk about the book,
like you said?

Because I couldn't change the system
overnight, Matthews.

Come on, work with me here.

I'm not taking this test!

- You can do that?
- I don't know.

Me neither!

Good morning, Mr. Turner.

Obviously I was wrong,
and your students were so prepared

that they managed to finish the test
two minutes after the bell has rung.

Let me grade 'em, and I'll get back to ya.

Well, that shouldn't take long, considering
that all of these papers are blank.

I guess that'll k*ll the curve.

Do you mean to tell me that your students
refuse to take the test?

That's the decision
they seemed to have made.

Are you out of your mind, man?

We had a deal. I gave them the test.
Interestingly, they gave it back to me.

Well, of course they did, earring boy.

I realize that all you seventh-graders

are delicate adolescent flowers

just beginning your high school blooming.

And so I say this with utmost sensitivity:

Take this test...

or die.

You just have to let them know who's boss.

- Is this fair?
- No!

- Have we been tricked?
- Yes!

- Take the test or die?
- Die!

Then we die together! Organized,
like the people in the book should've done.

- The first student union.
- Yeah!

Look for the union label

If you are buying
that coat, dress or blouse

Remember somewhere
our union's sewing

Our wages going to feed the kids

And run the house... ♪

Oh, yeah, I can learn
a lot from you, George.

Shut up.

Ah, St. Eligius.

George, come back, man.

All right. They have demonstrated
the power of labor.

Now let's show them
what management can do.

Cave? We're gonna cave?

You know, you seem amused
by this display of defiance, Mr. Turner.

Oh, I am, I gotta say. 'Cause if I had
done to me what I did to them,

then I'd have done the same thing to me
that they did.

Go to the board
and diagram that sentence.

I can't.

Then trust me; with every tick of the clock,

the courage is draining
out of their defiant little souls.

- What are we?
- We are kings!

And what do kings say?

They say... "no more macaroni"!

No more macaroni!

- We want steak!
- We want steak!

- And what do we want with our steak?
- Macaroni!

No, we don't like macaroni.

Oh!

- And as a side dish to our steak, lobster!
- Lobster!

Oh, you're right, George -
they are quaking in their boots.

All right, fine.
So they have a certain pluck.

Yeah, 'cause if I had done to me
what they had done...

- That's getting old, hotshot.
- Come on, George.

Why don't you just let them burn out?
You don't wanna break their spirit.

Please. I have been an educator
for years.

I think I know how to relate to my students.

All right, this is your warden speaking.

So, you wanna play rough
with George Feeny?

- Fine. We'll take off the gloves.
- Uh-oh.

The seventh-grade dance
is hereby canceled.

You can't do that.

I can do whatever I want.
I have the megaphone.

Here's a doozie:
the entire football season...

Oh, no.

...canceled!

- But that means...
- Yes, Mr. Hunter.

No cheerleaders.

No!

Shawn! It's a strike -
we have to make sacrifices.

But he's taking my girls.

Why can't we just sacrifice you?

Now, I would prefer you go back
to your classes and take the test,

but being a reasonable Joe,

I am willing to offer you a one-minute
window of amnesty, beginning...

seconds ago.

You have five seconds...
four, three...

Wait a minute, everybody.

He can't punish the seventh-grade class
if there is no seventh-grade class.

We're a union, remember?
And I say, starting right here, right now,

our union is on strike.

Let's go, everyone.
We're walkin' out of school.

Look for the union label

♪ Is anybody behind you, my Shawn? ♪

♪ I gotta tell you, there's no one with us

♪ We're all alone here, I'm gonna bail

- ♪ You'd better not
- ♪ Yes, I am.

- ♪ Oh, no, no, no
- ♪ Yes, yes, yes, yes

- ♪ No, no, no
- ♪ Yes, yes, yes, yes ♪

Mr. Turner, I now return you
your students, sadder but wiser.

- What about Matthews and Hunter?
- For those two, I shall have to go nuclear.

- And that would mean?
- I shall call their mommies.

- Hey, how'd the game go?
- Oh, great, great.

- For the other guys.
- I'm really sorry. I mean...

No, no, it was a good experience for me.
I actually got to play center.

Lucky for me, the center on the other team
was my size... when he was five.

Look, I've been thinking a lot about this,
and I thought...

Wait, wait, just tell me, OK?

Next game, are you in, or do we
find a permanent replacement?

- Hello, Eric.
- Hi, Desiree.

Oh. And hello, Jason. I didn't see you.

Listen, sugarplum, I hear they've opened
a new mall right across from the old mall,

and I'd love to go explore it with you.

Maybe we could go, say, Thursday?

But I play basketball on Thursday.
Can't we go some other day?

Yes... but I would prefer Thursday.

Uh... look, Jason, I...

Um...

I'll see ya on Thursday.

- Excuse me?
- No, excuse me.

But, see, we've been dating all month
long, and I've been your willing sl*ve,

and you've gotten everything
you've wanted out of this relationship.

What was I ever gonna get?

Oh.

Goodbye forever.

You... are an idiot.

Yes, I am.

How come there's nothing on the news
about our walkout?

I mean, why is every station covering
that dumb missing-b*mb story?

Young men, we just got off the phone
with your principal.

- You held a strike over a test?
- You walked out of school?

What were you possibly thinking?

Well, thinking's not our strong suit, Dad.

I'm convinced.

Maybe what we did wasn't smart, but
at least we stood up for our principles.

And what were your principles?

I remember something about macaroni.

Thank you.

- Yes?
- Mrs. Matthews, Mr. Matthews.

I'm Jonathan Turner.
I'm Cory's English teacher.

- You wear a helmet?
- I fall off the desk a lot.

You wanna talk to Hoffa and Costello?

Yeah. I don't usually make house calls,
but this all started in my classroom,

so I thought I might step in and mediate.

You're not gonna bust their heads,
are you?

- No.
- 'Cause I'm OK with that.

Mr. Turner, all we did was read
The Grapes of Wrath.

And you know what we learned?
You have to fight for your rights.

That's why we went on strike,
and that's why we're in trouble.

That'll teach me to read a book.

I guess this is what happens when the little
guys try to stand up to the bosses, huh?

No, let me straighten you out, Matthews.
You threw a hissy fit and you walked out.

We went on strike.

You did not, because you didn't have
the one thing you need to go on strike.

- You know what you didn't have?
- Mob connections.

A job. You're just kids. You're in school.

Your parents make you lunch. You're not
a migrant farm worker picking grapes.

You're just kids.
You sleep on sheets with little dinosaurs.

Rocket ships.

Look, I messed up too. I should've taught
you that you can only take action

if you're prepared to take responsibility
for those actions.

Mr. Turner, put yourself in our position.

- If you had done to you what we had...
- No, been there. Don't...

Look, you're just two kids
playing way over their heads.

OK? Now, you can decide that you're
still students and get back in school,

where you're sheltered and protected,
and abide by the rules that go with that.

Or you can go out into the real world

and get an immediate test called
"find a job or starve."

Now, you wanna take that test,
or you wanna take his?

They got us surrounded.

- I guess we'd better talk to Feeny.
- Yeah, I guess you'd better.

Face it, guys. Feeny's not gonna go away.

I mean, he's gonna be all over your case.
You turn around, he's gonna be there.

Now that's scary. You know you got
a principal living next door?

It's not something we brag about.

George, you live next-door to Matthews?

It's not something I brag about.
What are you doing here, Mr. Turner?

I came to talk to the boys. Turns out
they have something to say to you.

Look, Mr. Feeny, we got it all wrong,

because we read this book
all the way to the beginning.

Really? And I don't suppose
you learned anything from it?

Well, we learned you're supposed to fight
back against what you think is unfair.

And that's the parallel
you drew from the Joad family?

They were out in the real world, and they
knew they had something big to fight for.

And how do the Joads relate to you?

I guess they don't. I mean, we're just kids.

- Yeah, we're not really out in the world yet.
- They had nothing to eat, nowhere to live.

All they knew was
that they deserved a decent wage.

And all we know is...

nothing.

And wherever there's a guy
who don't know nothin'... I'll be there.

Well said.

It's from the book. I actually read it.

I believe you did.
And I'll take that into consideration.

That'll be all. You can go.

Well, Mr. Turner, I must admit they sound
as if they actually know the material.

Yeah, and we found that out
without giving 'em a test.

Oh? You don't call what
they just went through a test?

I'd call it a learning experience, Mr. Feeny.

Thank you.

Yes, well, that's what we're here for.

I'm alive again, Desiree's out of my life

and I can play roundball with my buds
any time I want. Why aren't you dressed?

I shouldn't play. I've been holding
you guys back. I'm just too petite.

- What was that?
- What was what?

- That.
- That!

That was my pacemaker.

In fact, I'm having a heart att*ck right now.

It's the pager.

You didn't answer my page,
my little Raisinet.

I'm sorry. It was all his fault.

Just be sure to pick me up
in time for my pedicure.

Say yes, puddin'.

Yes.

I believe the woman wants "puddin'."

Puddin'.

What?

I'm only in it for the breakup kiss.