07x08 - The Honeymooners

[bunniefuu]

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

ERIC: Previously
on Boy Meets World...

To Cory and Topanga!

ALL: Cory and Topanga!

And now, I would like
to give my gift

to my little brother
and new sister-in-law.

Eric, this wedding
was more than enough.

Yeah, it was,
wasn't it?

But I do have one more
thing up my sleeve.

I hold in
my hand a key.

A key to the
honeymoon suite

of the Philadelphia
Victoria Hotel.

So that
after this...

Bye!
Whoo!

All right!

So, you think we're finally ready
to be Mr. and Mrs. Matthews?

I think we've been
ready our whole lives.

(LAUGHS)
Whoo!

You stay there!

Cory, don't
you want to...

Oh!
Whoo!

...explore?
No.

And take our time?
Why?

Because there's such
a thing as foreplay.

Don't need it.

Well, maybe I might.

Topanga, you've had years of it.
How much more do you require?

Just wait right here.

I'm sure you won't be disappointed.
No! No!

Don't leave me!

I can't do this alone!

Oh, she's gone.

What'll I do?

I'll eat fruit.

"Thank you for choosing the Philadelphia
Victorian for your wedding."

Isn't that nice?

"Congratulations to the new
Mr. and Mrs. Harold Peterman."

Well, normally, my inquisitive nature
would take over at this point.

However...

Yay yay yay!

Oh!

(LAUGHING) Oh, my!

(LAUGHS)
This is so great!

I wish Shawn
was here!

I think it's better
that we're alone.

Yes.

That's it.

That's it?

There's nothing under
these covers but me.

I have been waiting for
this moment my entire life!

Yay! (LAUGHING)

And only for you.

(GASPING) Oh, Topanga,
I love you.

I love you

and I love Eric.

What?

This beautiful wedding he
arranged, this beautiful room

makes up for everything
bad he's ever done to us.

I love you.
I love you, too.

(WHISTLE BLOWING)
Police!

You're kidding.

Roll away from
the young lady

and put your hands
where I can see them.

No! k*ll me!

(GRUNTS)

Why are you guys
doing this?

Are you Mr. and Mrs.
Harold Peterman?

No! That's why.
Come on, let's go.

(PROTESTING)

Aw, fellas, this is my wedding day.
Can't you come back in two minutes?

Please! Help!

Eric! Help!

Cor, how cool
is this, man?

(IN IRISH ACCENT) We get
to go in the paddy wagon!

(IMITATING SIREN)

Come on, let's go, fun boy!
Come on, come on!

ERIC: Can I use
your nightstick?

So, are
you excited?

We're finally
on our honeymoon!

You gonna carry me
over the threshold?

No, because the last time I
did, the police broke in

and I spent the night
with a guy named Sheila.

Okay, then,
let's just go in.

Nuh-uh.

What? You want me
to carry you?

I'm light as
a feather, really.

(GRUNTS)

Ugh!

Have your way
with me now.

CORY: Yay!

MAN ON P.A.: Attention
Katonka guests.

Will the couple who left
their dog in the piranha t*nk

please come claim his collar?

Is this seat
taken, dear?

Actually, I was saving it
for my husband, Cory.

Cory Matthews.

I'm Mrs. Matthews.
That's my name now.

He's my husband.
I'm his wife.

On your honeymoon, dear?

I'm a wife!

Me, too.
Madeline Nelson.

I used to be
Madeline Pigsniffle.

That's why
I got married.

I got married because
I'm crazy about my man.

Honeymoon, yes.

Last night was our first night
together as man and wife.

He still sleeping?

Oh, yeah,
I wore him out.

Attagirl!

Mine's sleeping,
as well.

You wore him out, too?

Yes, gradually.

You know, we honeymooned
here ourselves.

It's paradise here,
isn't it?

Well, we come back every
year on our anniversary,

but this year
is very special

because we've decided
to retire here.

MAN ON P.A.: Paging
Mrs. Matthews, Mrs. Cory Matthews.

That's me! That's me!

(CHUCKLES)
Honeymoon?

How can you tell?

I can see all
your teeth.

It's true.
I'm a man now.

Oh, you seem
pretty happy, boy.

I was an animal,
mister.

Oh, it's good in the
beginning, isn't it?

It's my new
favorite thing.

Hi, Mr. Matthews.

Hi, Mrs. Matthews.

Mine.
Mmm.

Mine.
Mmm.

Did you get my page?
I told them to page you.

Then I told them to page
Dr. Chocolate Pudding.

That was fun.

Cory, this is
Mrs. Nelson.

She and her husband have
decided to retire here.

Oh, gosh, that must be amazing.

I mean, everything on this
island is just amazing.

What's it like to
live in paradise?

Amazing.
Amazing.

This is the softest towel that
has ever graced my tushie.

Wait till you drink the water.
It tastes like candy.

You guys are so
lucky to be here.

You know, if we weren't here right
now, we would be sitting at home

in Philadelphia,
in Mr. Feeny's class.

It's probably snowing
there right now.

And the sanitation department
there is probably on strike.

Well, we'd be in Baltimore, watching
our grandson Joey's soccer team.

The Mighty Gophers.

Mmm-hmm. She would be sitting in
the car with the heater going,

saying, "Is it over yet?
I'm so cold!"

I don't like the cold.

Me neither.

In fact,
I'm cold right now.

Cory, it's
degrees.

I'm very cold.

Why don't we
go in the bedroom

and go under the covers
like we did before?

Cory, we're
married now.

We can do it every night for
the rest of your life. Ha.

Get it in
writing, kid.

MAN ON P.A.: Dr. Pudding.

Paging Dr. Chocolate Pudding.

(LAUGHING) Oh,
I love this place!

Oh. Oh.

I am so freakin' hot.

Honeymoon, day two.

Continuing duties
as best man.

Screwed up wedding night, so must
make it up to them here in paradise.

Boy, it's hot.

I am losing my
train of thought.

I have decided to pass out.

(THUMP)

Mmm.

That was a very
romantic thing to do.

Ah. Well, this is the most romantic
place there could ever be.

You wanna dance?

Since when do you like to dance?

Oh, since I'm in the most
beautiful place in the world,

staring at the most beautiful
woman I have ever seen.

But there's no music.

Well...

We're in paradise, Topanga.
We'll make our own.

(SLOW DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)

Wow!

All right, how is it this hot
when there's no sun out? Huh?

You hot?
You hot?

(MUSIC FALTERING)
You hot?

Cory, I am so
relaxed here.

This place lets me
forget about everything.

I know, it's so unspoiled
here, you know.

It's like time
has stopped.

Do you remember those cute little
quaint thatched huts out on the beach?

You know, I saw
this old fisherman

making a flute
out of a bamboo reed.

And there was hardly
any line at Starbucks.

You know what? That's it.
We're stayin' here.

Really? We can stay
a few more days?

A few more days here,
no responsibilities,

no Feeny, no crazy Eric.

Yeah, let's stay
a few more days.

Let's stay
a few more days.

In fact,

let's never go home.

Right, let's just
never go home.

I'm not kidding,
Topanga.

Uh-oh.

Seriously, give me
one good reason

why we shouldn't stay here.

Why should
we go home?

Because it's
where our home is.

Not if we stay here for
the rest of our lives.

Topanga, we're
in paradise.

Why should we leave?
Let's never go home.

Cory, get real.
We can't stay here.

Fine. Is that
what you want?

Let's just go back
to Philadelphia

and spend our youth
breathing pollution

and having to
bow down to the man

and then
come back here

when we're too old to
win the limbo contest.

Is that what you want,
Topanga, to not win?

No, I'd really
like to win.

Good.

Topanga, look
out there!

(SPLASH)

Imagine waking up to that every
single day for the rest of your life.

I think someone
was on the balcony.

Who cares?

Listen, Topanga,
don't you wanna stay?

Cory, nobody stays
on vacation forever.

The Nelsons do.

Perhaps you'd like to tell me how
we're going to make a living here.

Paradise is expensive.
Did you think about that?

You think I haven't
thought about that?

You think I'm not
a realist? Huh?

You think I haven't thought of
little Cory Jr. and Barbara?

Steven and Chloe.

Ooh, those are nice.

Let's make 'em!

How about we make
a living first?

How do we do that?

Topanga, you think I haven't considered
our living situation? Come on.

You think this is whimsy?
This is not whimsy.

This is our future, baby.

A coconut?

Oh, yeah.

(ISLAND MUSIC PLAYING)

(HARSHLY) Hello!

(LAUGHING)

This is David Letterman.

(NASAL VOICE)
And I'm Jay Leno.

I'm edgy.

I'm not.
(CHUCKLES)

And here's our guest,
Arnold Schwarzenegger!

(ALL LAUGHING)

(IN AUSTRIAN ACCENT) Hello, how are you?
How you doing?

I'm the Coco-nator.

(NORMAL VOICE)
Thank you!

Thank you so much!

You're wonderful,
you're wonderful!

Cory, guess
where I've been.

Shoppin'?

We are a total
success overnight!

I took out a bank account
at Katonka Savings and Loan.

I took out an ad
in The Katonka Times,

and I still had time
to catch this fish.

Ah, what a woman!

Topanga, just think, all
that time with Feeny wasted,

when my real success
was right here.

Because I am

the coconut guy!
(LAUGHING)

Hey, you're the wife
of the coconut guy!

Yes, I am!

(APPLAUSE)

(CHUCKLES)
Mrs. Nelson!

What can I
carve for you?

Cory, you run
this place?

Well, we decided to stay
here like you guys.

I mean, you
convinced us.

I just bought this entire
outfit for three bananas.

That convinced me.

Ah, darn it. You know,
I'm out of puka shells.

Uh, wife Topanga,

could you run to the
"shell" station?

(GIGGLING) You know,
You're funnier in paradise.

Oh, Frank,
guess what,

the Matthews have
decided to move here.

Well, welcome to paradise!

Muka toka, baby.

(CHUCKLES) Muka toka
back at you!

So, who can I
carve for you?

A nice Regis Philbin?
His lovely wife, Joy?

Could you make me a
coconut soccer player?

Look, we heard
from Joey.

Your grandson?

They won.

The Mighty Gophers
made the playoffs?

Eight years we watched that
kid stink up the field,

and the minute
we leave, he's Pele.

We'll call.

Right. We'll call and
we'll wish him luck. Hmm?

Darn it!

I forgot to have Topanga pick
me up some of them googly eyes.

Honeymoon, day six.

When they decided
to live here,

I thought the newlyweds had caught
a bad case of island fever.

But it turns out they've adjusted
well to life in this place,

and I don't really
know what to do.

Look, Irv,
this one talks!

Oh, no.

Coconuts don't
talk, Gladys.

I heard him.

All right.

Smash it open
with a hammer.

Give me this. How about I
smash you open with a hammer?

(SCREAMING)

You believe that?

Good morning, Fadookie!

Good morning, Bavookie!

Good morning, Ookie!

Oh, Cory, Mrs. Cory,

you two are the
talk of the island.

Really, Ookie?
I hope it's good.

Oh, very good.

ALL: Very good!
Yes! Very good!

We think you are Katonka's
favorite fun couple.

We're very impressed with how quickly
you've acclimated to our customs.

Well...

I mean, I'm still having a little
trouble using soup as deodorant.

Anyway, we have an election
for mayor coming up,

and we'd really like you to
consider running for office,

representing our
Mookie-Timbala party.

Really? Who's
the other party?

Communists.

This is our most
important election

since our people
moved here from Ohio.

Topanga, they want me to
be mayor of paradise!

Hey. You two
are dressed up.

Hey, guys, they want me
to be mayor of paradise!

I'm gonna be
Mayor McCoconut!

Frank, you wanna be
my campaign manager?

They'll bring in
the old vote

like it was early-bird
dinner at Lawakwa's.

Sorry, kids, we've been looking for
you to say that we're leaving.

You're leaving?

Our grandson,
Joey, called us.

So?

The Mighty Gophers
made the finals.

So? So I am going to sit
and be cold in the car.

(LAUGHS) How
could we miss it?

But you guys are coming
back after the game, right?

Goodbye, kids.

Have a nice
life, son.

How could we not?

We're in paradise.

Honeymoon, day .

What is paradise?

Have hunch is more
than sand and water.

Want to help sister
and new brother-in-law,

but don't know what's best.

What do you
think, Mr. Bird?

Ah!

(SLURRING)
Bird bit me.

Left side
paralyzed.

Possible bad sign.

Cory. Honey?

You've been here all night.
Come to bed.

You used to
like that.

Sorry, I was just, uh, finishing
this soccer player for the Nelsons.

This isn't
a soccer player.

What?

This is Shawn.

This isn't Shawn.

This is

Shawn.

Why'd I do that?

I can't even
remember doing that.

Who's this one
supposed to be?

That's, uh...

Cap'n Crunch.

(SCOFFS) No, it's not.

Well, then, who
else could it be?

Well, it could be...
No, don't say it.

...Mr. Feeny.

Cory, why would you stay up all night
making a Shawn and a Mr. Feeny?

I don't know.

I don't know. I mean, I can't
remember doing that one, either.

Cory?

Yeah.

I miss them, too.

Boy, it's hot here
all of a sudden, isn't it?

Isn't it hot?

Yeah, it's hot.

ALL: Hey!

The newlyweds!
How was the trip?

Unbelievably great.

I almost didn't
come home.

What did
you bring me?

Nothing.

Welcome home, Mr.
and Mrs. Matthews.

Now it's
official.

I expect to see you
in class tomorrow.

Making up days of lectures
will be no easy task,

especially
the way I teach.

Many nuances,
you know.

You'll never know how
much we missed you.

You'll never know how
much we missed you.

Come on, what did you bring me?

Nothing.

So, how was
the honeymoon?

Did you ever
leave the room?

Yeah, we left.
But then we came back.

SHAWN: What did
it look like?

I have no idea.
It was beautiful.

Oh, tell us about it.

Right about now, we'd be sittin'
with our feet in the sand

and watchin'
the sun set.

Havin' dinner between these two
gorgeous little palm trees,

starin' out
at the ocean.

Wow. It sounds
like paradise.

Almost.

Didn't even have to
finish the coconuts

of Mom, Dad, me, and Morgan for
Cory and Topanga to realize

where paradise really is.

Good for them.

For me, paradise is a place
I've found the best part

of being the best man.

ALL: Mmm, mmm!

Mmm!
Ahh!

Ten more minutes, man.

Mmm! Mmm!