06x10 - And in Case I Don't See Ya

[bunniefuu]

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

Pretty depressing,
isn't it? (SIGHS)

You talking
to me?

Oh, actually, I was
just talking to myself,

but you look like you're
in the same boat.

What boat?
What are you talking about?

I'm just sitting here
at my table alone,

trying to enjoy
a cup of coffee.

Look at them.

Laughing, enjoying themselves,
having a good time...

I hate them!

Who?
Them.

The popular.

(LAUGHS) I'm popular.

Hey, man, why don't you come
and, you know, sit with me?

No. Why don't you come
sit with me?

Nah.

Then there
it is, then.

Yeah,
there it is.

MAN ON P.A.: Attention.
The Pennbrook Harvest Mixer

is about to start
on the second floor.

And remember, only those
with invitations may attend.

Well, looks like it's just
you and me, huh?

Now it's just you.

Good morning.

Say, is that one of those delicious
cups of coffee from Brew Lagoon,

conveniently located in the
Pennbrook Student Union?

(LAUGHS) Why are you
talking like that?

I'm not.

Rachel, why don't you scrape the
garbage into the garbage disposal?

I'd just rather
do it this way, okay?

Okay.

Have a good morning, and
in case I don't see you,

good evening, good
afternoon, and good night!

(ALL CHEERING)

Hey, what's all
the excitement?

Oh, : man. She's back from the
gym, little sweaty, very sexy.

Drives me crazy, dude!
And then, the shower. Yes!

Wait a minute.
What are you talking about?

Her, man!

The one in the background, man, behind
the unpopular guy doing the puppet show.

Hey!

Oh, come on, get out of
the way, cuckoo's nest!

LOUIE: You're blocking
the goddess!

(EVERYONE PROTESTING)

You sure that's three cheeses?
'Cause I only see two.

Where's the Gouda, pal?

That's right.
That's better.

There's a lot riding
on these here eggs.

Hey, hey, I made Feeny
a happy face waffle.

Huh? The blueberries
are the eyes.

Oh, this is
so gonna work.

But I am concerned this
is a tad morally wrong.

Oh, please.
Cory, all we're doing

is treating the man who has been the
driving force in our lives to a brunch.

And if he happens to go a
little easier on us in class,

so be it.

Okay. Here you go,
Mr. Feeny.

Ooh, a happy face
waffle.

And a three-cheese
omelet

fit for the best
educator in America.

That's one, two,
and Gouda makes three.

I like Gouda.

I knew that.

But brunch really
wasn't necessary.

Oh, it's nothing. It's our
way of saying thanks.

We're just glad
we could sneak away

from all our
studies to do it.

Been burning the
midnight oil, have you?

(CHUCKLES) They are
k*lling us, Feeny.

I mean, that Professor
Williams is a sadist.

Well, there's always
one tough class.

If only. They're all ridiculous.

Scone?
Oh, no. Please,

I really have
quite enough food.

Oh, are you kidding me?
Look at you.

You're ripped.
You're cut.

Jelly?

Boys, far be it
from me

to look a
happy-faced waffle

in its happy-faced
little mouth,

but what's the deal?

Deal?
Ouch.

Your words hurt
like fists.

I mean, we really took you
out as an appreciation

of how much you've
taught us thus far.

And we know that you've got
a vested interest in us

and want to see us
do well.

Oh, I do, I do.

And we want you to know we'll
try very hard in your class.

Even though we've got so much
work in all our other classes.

(LAUGHS) I mean,
they're k*lling us, Feeny.

It's like
we can't breathe.

But we do not want any special
treatment or consideration...

And we don't want you to think
of this brunch as a bribe.

(BOTH LAUGH NERVOUSLY)

You want an extension
on your midterm papers?

We'll give you
bucks cash right now.

Boys, we've known
each other for years.

We have a long
history together.

You don't have to
go through all this.

If you need some help,
just ask.

We just need
a few days.

Four.
Three.

Two.

All right two.

Now that's how
you make a deal.

More bubbly?
(LAUGHS)

And that's how
you eat soup.

If it's hot, I've found you can blow on it.
Let's try it.

Why?

(GROANS IN PAIN)

How long have you
been filming us?

It's not film.
It's live.

It's spontaneous.
It's unrehearsed.

Absolutely anything can happen.
Even this! (GIGGLES)

Told you
they were gay.

Why would you
do this?

You wanna know?

I was afraid, okay?

I'm afraid to just be another
face in the college crowd.

I just want people
to know me.

Maybe if they do,
then they'd come over

and they'd sit with me in the morning
and just drink a cup of coffee.

You did this
to have friends?

Yeah, that's right.
I did this to be popular.

How does he have
a show and I don't?

Hey, what's all
the yelling about?

There she is!

(ALL CHEERING)

Congratulations.
You're on TV.

(CHEERING CONTINUES)

Who else is
watching this?

There's a big crowd watching
at the student union.

You know, it's almost worth the
hours of crap just to get to this.

(ALL AGREEING)

No, man.
They're watching me.

They're watching
her, not you. Her.

Oh, why would they be watching her?
That's crazy.

She's not even dressed...
Oh, okay.

For next time, I'd like you to
finish reading The Canterbury Tales,

and be prepared to discuss
Chaucer's intent, hmm?

Uh, not so fast.
I have your midterm papers.

Well, it's our first
real big grades.

(CHUCKLING)
I'm kinda nervous.

Why, Angela? You're an incredible
student and you worked really hard.

You've nothing
to be worried about.

Remember, boys,
this is only one grade.

And there you are.

Okay, Cor, you ready?
Yeah. This is it.

BOTH: One, two, three...

(LAUGHS) I got a "B!"
Me, too!

Good, Cory. Your parents will
be very proud... What is this?

It's a "B." Hey, we
got the same grade.

This is a travesty.

I got a "B-plus."

Who cares? How do I get the same
grade as these two schlubs?

Feeny, thank you
for the "B's."

What did you get?

Don't thank me, boys.
You did the work.

(LAUGHS)
And believe me,

you are gonna be just as
happy with the next one.

Are you aware that the next
paper was due yesterday?

(BOTH STAMMERING)

That's what we wanted
to talk to you about

because you remember
how you said

we could always
come to you?

Well. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
We're here.

How about three days?

No days.

Two days.
No days.

Shawn, perhaps...
(SHUSHING) I'm negotiating.

Let me see
if I understand this.

You just decided that I would
give you another extension?

Well, because of our
long history together.

So you just didn't bother
to do the papers at all?

They're
k*lling us.

(LAUGHS) It's like
we can't breathe.

I see.

Well, there's no need for you to
turn in your papers at all, boys.

Sounds good.

I can give you
your grades right now.

Well, even better.

You both get "F's."

Hey.
That's not fair.

There's nothing more
to discuss.

Feeny!

Uh-oh.

Oh, no. Don't you run away
from me, you old goat!

Oh, wow.

I thought he
was our friend.

Yeah, I know. He didn't
even discuss it, did he?

I mean, he gave us an
extension on the midterm.

What's the big deal
with this one?

Yeah. It's like he's
two different people.

I thought we all had a special
relationship with him.

TOPANGA: Feeny,
you change this!

Well, Since you're not set
on a name for the baby,

I myself have always
been partial to George.

George?
Hmm.

George Matthews.

Well, we'll throw
that into the hat.

George is a fine old name,
of Germanic origin.

It means "Watch out,
the sheep are coming."

Watch-out-the-sheep-
are-coming Matthews.

We'll think on that.

What's he doing here?

Hey,
what's the problem?

Well, Why don't
you ask him?

Him is Mr. Feeny
to you.

That's all right, Amy.

It's just a matter between a
teacher and his students.

I don't care what
this is about, George.

Don't you ever use that tone
of voice with this man.

This man stabbed us
in the back.

I'm sorry you feel
that way.

Amy, this coffee is so good,
I'm taking it with me.

This better be
real good.

I don't even want
to hear about it.

They were incredibly rude, and I'm
going to punish them right now.

No, you can't punish us.
We're in college.

Oh, yeah? How about
I hit you so hard,

you're back
in high school?

Dad, it's really hard to
be civil to Mr. Feeny

after what
he's done to us.

And what did
he do to you?

He double-crossed us.

We came to him,
as friends,

and told him how swamped we
were with our other classes.

And what does he do? He
says, "Oh, I understand."

He says, "Oh, you can
always come to me."

And he lets us slide a
little on our midterm.

Then he kills us
on the next paper.

And what
was your grade?

We didn't even turn it in! Yeah!

He thinks that's an "F!" Yeah.

(STAMMERS) We were
gonna turn it in.

He didn't even
let us explain.

Just gave us
an "F."

Wait a minute. Let me see
if I'm understanding this.

Mr. Feeny was
understanding enough

to let you guys slide on a problem
you had with your midterms.

BOTH: Right.

So you assumed that was
going to be the arrangement

for the rest of
your academic life?

Yeah.
Where's bad?

You know
where's bad?

It's bad to think
that Mr. Feeny

couldn't even give
you guys a break

without you taking
advantage of him.

You may be
in college, pal,

but you still have a lot
of growing up to do.

(OPERA MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC STOPS)

(MUSIC RESUMES)

(MUSIC STOPS)

(MUSIC RESUMES)

(MUSIC STOPS)

(MUSIC RESUMES)

(MUSIC STOPS)

(MUSIC RESUMES)

Hey, you got a button on that
thing that gets her naked?

(ALL CHATTERING)

ERIC: Hey, hey, hey...
Hey!

Don't talk about my Rachel
that way, all right?

I created her
in my own image.

She's like my daughter.

Watch what I do
to her now.

(ALL PROTEST)

Hey, hey, hey! Calm down!
Calm down!

It's the first time I've ever
controlled another human being.

I'll get her back.
I'll get her back.

Look. See? See?

ALL: Where is she?

ERIC: I'll get her.
Hang on! Hang on!

I got her.
I got her. (CLEARS THROAT)

Rachel? Come into
the living room, Rachel.

(ALL CHEERING)

ERIC: Come downstairs,
Rachel.

Eric, is that you?
Where are you?

I'm over here.
Where?

In the student union.

RACHEL: What?
Nuts! Um...

(STAMMERS)
I'm in your mind.

I'm in the student union
of your mind.

Oh, Eric,
what are you doing?

Eric, why am I still on TV? I thought
you said you were gonna stop that.

Jack!

This isn't about me anymore, Rachel.
This is about you.

You're what
the people want.

ALL: Yeah.

Tell her, Louie.

Rachel, it's me, Louie.
I love you.

Louie?

Tell me about yourself.

Is he still doing this? Yes.

(GROANS) Where is he?

He's in the student union.
He's controlling everything.

(THUNDER CLAPPING)

Oh, no, it's nothing.
It's nothing.

(WIND HOWLING) It's a simple sound
effect coming out of the stereo.

(EXCLAIMS)

That's impressive.

Where have I seen
this before?

Jack, let's get out of here.
Come on.

(SHRIEKS)

What? What's the matter?

It's a brick wall!

Boy, he's really
thought this one out.

Balcony.

What do you mean, the balcony?
It's three stories down.

We can't go out
the balcony.

The only way out is through
the window over the sink

and down
the fire escape.

The only way out
is through the window

over the sink,
down the fire escape.

Oh, no. We'll lose her
before shower time.

She's not
going anywhere.

Come on.

Watch this.

(GARBAGE DISPOSAL
WHIRRING) (SHRIEKING)

What? What's
the matter?

Come on, Rachel.
Tell him.

Bunny Baby.

What?

Bunny Baby, wanna play
down the bunny hole?

This is where mommy
puts all the carrots.

Let me put the light on
so you can see.

(SCREAMING)

(GRUNTING) All right.
It's okay. Come here.

(RACHEL SOBBING)

You heartless,
unfeeling control freak.

It's no wonder
you're not popular.

ALL: Yeah.

(ALL BOOING)

Quiet!

This is great TV.

This is human drama
unfolding before you.

Rachel. Come on.
It's the only way, okay?

No, I can't. I can't do it, Jack.
I can't.

(GASPS)

I will k*ll him.

Rachel, Rachel,
come here.

You have to come through the window.
That's the only way.

What do you mean, over the sink?
Yes.

What have I done?

Oh, man. (STAMMERS) What's
the point of being popular

when I just hurt the only two
people who even tolerated me?

I am a monster.

Rachel. Come on, Rachel.
You can do it.

(ALL ENCOURAGING) You
gotta go over, Rachel.

Confront your past,
Rachel.

Conquer your fear!

Do it for Bunny Baby,
Rachel.

Bunny Baby.

Yeah!

(ALL CHEERING)

Ladies and gentlemen,

you have just witnessed
a triumph of the human spirit,

and I'd like to take
this opportunity

to thank everybody
who helped me with this.

First of all, I'd like to thank the
boys in the audio-visual department.

I would like to thank the wonderful
people at Milt's Masonry

who built
that lovely brick wall,

and I would like to thank
my roommate Jack,

and, of course,
the heroine or our saga...

Well, you got here
incredibly fast.

Well, I was
incredibly motivated.

Rachel, I am
so proud of you.

Jeez, you're
a freaking Amazon.

Get out of my way.

Yes, ma'am.

Now, wait a sec, wait a sec.
Rachel, Rachel, Rachel!

Before you do anything, I just
want you to think about this.

I just want you
to remember that...

It was I who
created you.

It was I who
gave you life.

This is really gonna
hurt, isn't it?

(EXCLAIMS)

You heard me. Where's
the Gouda, pal?

Now, was that so hard? (SIGHS)

Shawn, Shawn!
I got Feeny...

A sorry-faced
waffle.

Oh, nice touch.

Here you go,
Mr. Feeny.

Why is my waffle
so sad?

Because we are.

Sad that we ever took
advantage of our friendship.

Sad that we
let you down.

Sad that the whole thing
blew up in our faces.

I'm sad,
but I'm honest.

Boys, you've already apologized.

I mean, this
isn't necessary.

Mmm!
Love that Gouda.

Oh, but it
is necessary.

And we have something
else for you.

Remember that paper we
never turned in? Yes?

Well, we stayed up all
night, and we did it anyway.

Just because we thought it
was the right thing to do.

And because we want
to earn our grades

on the strengths
of our efforts

and not on the strengths
of our friendship.

Well, I am

deeply,

deeply

touched.

"F."

"F."

What would a "D-minus"
get me?

You know, I gotta tell you,
that little stunt you pulled,

really backfired.

What are you
talking about?

I'm the most
popular dude on campus.

Not with Rachel. While you
were busy terrorizing her,

Rachel and I
got much closer,

if you catch
my drift.

You ingrate.

I put you on TV, and
that's how you repay me?

Huh? By stealing
my girl?

How do you live
with yourself?

I don't.
I live with you.

Yeah, I'm thinking
Rachel and I might take

our relationship
to that next level.

Thank you, Eric.

Oh, could you guys
disappear?

I'd like to be left alone
with my date.

Date?

Yeah. I found a guy who's
absolutely crazy about me.

Hey, losers.