06x12 - Cutting the Cord

[bunniefuu]

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

CORY: Previously on
Boy Meets World...

Angela and I decided
to take a break.

You broke up?

Yeah. I guess
that's what we did.

I didn't break up
with Shawn.

What do you mean?

He broke up with me.

If you two love each other,
you should be together.

Maybe if Angela knew how you felt...
No, it's too late.

Angela's not in love
with me anymore.

I opened my heart
to you.

I just can't sit around
like a fool,

waiting for you
to be ready.

Angela...

It's over, Shawn.

Wow!
These women are fat.

Eric. Hey, look.

Thanks again for filling
in on such short notice.

I have no idea
where your father is.

Oh, don't worry
about it, Mom.

You know there's nothing I
wouldn't do for little Eric,

or if it's a girl,
Eric the girl.

Don't touch my stomach.

Hi. Okay, mommies and daddies.

Let's take our seats
and get comfortable.

How you doing?
Good. Hi.

That's my mom.
I'm her baby.

Eric, the pillows are for me.

You. Oh, you, you, you.

It's all about you, isn't it?

Now, giving your partner
lots of support,

let's start with deep
diaphragmatic breathing.

(ALL BREATHE DEEPLY)

So, where's your daddy?

I mean,
your tummy's daddy.

You know, the guy
that did that to you.

My husband's
in the Navy.

He's on an aircraft carrier
in the South China Sea.

Oh, yeah, I'm filling
in for my dad.

He ran out on my
mom this morning.

Eric! Hello.

I'm his mother, and yet
I'm having another one.

It's nice for you to
fill in for your dad.

Hi. I'm Jessica.

Oh, hi. I'm Eric. How are you?

Oh, look at that. You
wobble like a Weeble.

(LAUGHING)

Amy, I completely forgot.
I'm sorry.

Where have
you been?

I just lost
track of time.

It's really okay, Dad.
Don't worry about it.

I got the whole thing
under control.

All right,
ready, Mom? Push!

Goodbye, Eric.

Okay.

All right. Let's move on to some
controlled breathing exercises.

Hey, Eric,
if you're free,

I'd really appreciate it
if you'd be my partner.

Really? Oh, that's so nice
that somebody appreciates me.

Okay, coaches. Count three
"hee, hee, hee" breaths,

followed by three
"ho, ho, ho" breaths.

What was so important
that made you late?

I was looking
at something.

Alan, you're being
a little vague.

(STUTTERS)
Motorcycle.

What?
(CLEARS THROAT)

A motorcycle?
Right on, Dad!

We're having a baby, and you're
out looking for motorcycles?

Why don't you just go all the way
and buy yourself a yellow corvette?

You'd be okay
with that?

If it would get you
to class on time.

Alan,
what's going on?

Nothing. I'm just a
little late, that's all.

I've done this
three times.

I'm not like one of these kids
who has no idea what's going on.

Old man's getting a yellow corvette, huh?
Right on, brother.

Hello, guys.

Thanks for coming.

We know why
we're here.

You don't have
to say anything.

Cory and I
discussed it.

We've decided that we are not
going to butt into your lives

no matter what you do.
Right, Cory?

Absolutely.

You're our best friends,
but we have no right

to tell you to be together
if that's not what you want.

We don't believe you.

You don't
believe me?

No, no, no. Him.
We don't believe him.

Which is why we've drawn
up a little document.

This is
a restraining order.

Yes. Yes, it is.

"Cory Matthews
and Topanga Lawrence

"are hereby forbidden to
interfere with the separation of

"or encourage accidental rendezvous
between Shawn and Angela.

"In addition, the
aforementioned parties are..."

(GASPS) Aforementioned parties?

Is this what
we are to you?

I, for one, do not need a piece of
paper to know when to butt out.

And I do?

All right, I do.

Look,
we love you both,

and we appreciate everything
you've tried to do,

but, you know, this is
the best for all of us.

See you later.

Wait a minute. Shawn, are
you all right with this?

Yes.
Yes, I am fine.

In fact, both Angela and
I have dates tonight.

Shawn Hunter has been
out of circulation

for far too long.
I am back.

I am excited, and I'm
ready to rock and roll.

All right. Where you
gonna take her?

I don't know.
Who cares?

I want to thank you guys
for bringing us here.

I'm having
a really good time.

Yeah, me, too.

You know, I was a
little worried about

going out
with Shawn at first

because I heard he just
ended a long relationship,

and I thought
he'd be a drag.

He's not normally
like this.

Shawn's a ton of fun.

(MOANING)

Talk to him.

Hey, hey.
What's the matter, buddy?

I'm a little blue.

It doesn't show,
does it?

No! No, you are the life
of the party, friend.

Everybody is thrilled
to be with you.

Is it me? It can't be me.
I'm adorable.

You are. You're as
cute as could be.

He must have really
loved this girl.

I can't discuss it. I'm
under a restraining order.

Hey. Hey. Get up.

You used to be
so good at this.

You were the king.

He was the king!

Shawn, would it make
you feel any better

if I told you that Angela's
in the same place you are?

Maybe a little.
Then cheer up.

Angela's in the
same place you are.

So, I says, "Feeny, if the sun
never sets on the British Empire,

"when do they
watch Letterman?"

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Oh, it's gonna
be a long night.

Angela! Of all the
restaurants in Philadelphia,

you chose this one.

Well,
what a coincidence.

This is Ron.

Hey, guys. Hi, Ron, how are you?

I'm Shawn.
Good to meet you.

This is Kelly,
my date.

That's Topanga and Cory,
and this is Kelly, my date.

I understand we have a potentially
embarrassing situation here,

but I hope we can all be mature
and have a wonderful time.

Angela, it's always
good to see you.

Ron seems
like a great guy.

Enjoy yourselves.
Have a good night.

This is Kelly,
my date.

You, too, Shawn.
Nice meeting you, Kelly.

You see? Do you see how
much fun Shawn can be?

Yeah, that's the
Shawn I heard about.

What a crazy
world, huh?

But don't you worry. You
handled that like a prince.

You know why? Because you
are the king of dating,

and we are all... No, we are all
gonna have a good time, Shawnie.

No, no. We're gonna
have a good time.

(MOANING)

Long night.

Long.

Hey,
check this out.

It says here the uterus
has accordion-like folds

that can expand to accommodate
a baby up to pounds.

Man, women are so lucky.

Eric, I'm eating.

It also says here that when
a woman breaks her water,

she's actually
lost her mucus plug.

I'm done.

Procreation, man.
Who knew?

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Come!

Hey! There he is,
the man himself.

Hey, Daddy-o. How cool
is it that you and Mom

get to go through
this again?

This baby stuff
is so great.

Eric, look, I want your
opinion on something.

Look at this,
will you?

What do you
got here, Dad, huh?

Cribs, diapers,
car seats?

You got (STUTTERS)
motorcycles.

That's great, Dad.

I'm trying to bring a new
life into the world,

and you're
picking out a hog.

Yeah, yeah. Check out this
wide glide, here, huh?

I'm gonna chrome
that baby up, huh?

Put on some Vance & Hines
pipes, a Mikuni carb,

and hit the
highway to hell.

(WHOOPING)
How old are you?

Forty-one...
Forty-three.

Don't you see what
you're going through?

This is your
Middle East crisis.

Middle age crisis.

I'm not going through anything.
I just want a Harley.

My dad went through
the same thing.

Mmm-hmm, me, too.

He got hair transplants and
tried out for The Real World.

I'm not going
through anything.

That's exactly what he said right
before he smashed up his Ferrari.

Your fathers are silly.

Hey, do I or do I not
get ape hangers, huh?

(IMITATING MOTORCYCLE)
Dad...

Dad... Dad...
Dad, okay, hey!

Pull the bike over,
pull the bike over.

Dad, can I give you
some tough love?

I think you're crazy.

You know what? I think we're all pretty
sure about what's going on here.

And you know what?
It's okay.

Yeah, you're not alone.
It's perfectly natural.

You know something, Dad?
He's right.

Because, see, with every
day, with every breath,

you're one step
closer to death.

And you're thinking
to yourself,

"I haven't lived."
And you know something...

Are you trying to
cheer me up here?

Mr. Matthews, you don't need a
motorcycle to make you feel younger.

You're gonna have a baby.

What could make you
feel younger than that?

Yeah, for the
next years,

that little tiger's gonna keep
you running day and night.

You know something, Dad?
He's absolutely right.

You're not gonna have
time for motorcycles

and fast cars
and nose rings.

You've got this new little
life coming into the world

that's gonna be counting on you.
Grow up!

Grow up?
I am grown up.

I'm so grown up I don't know
if I can do this again.

Oh, of course
you can.

You did a good job
two times before.

That's three.

I said what I said.
(INAUDIBLE)

Well, things are
different now.

Why? I'm different. I'm older.

When you were born,

I really looked forward
to running around with you,

playing baseball
and football,

and I really looked forward to
being more than a father to you.

I looked forward to being your
friend, which I think I am.

Of course you are, Dad.
You are my friend, man.

What am I gonna be
to this new kid?

I'm just gonna
be his old man.

That's all
I'm gonna be to him.

Just his old man.

You've gotta stop
looking at Angela.

I think she's
having a good time.

She's just trying to
move on with her life.

So should you.

You know
what would be fun?

They're starting the karaoke contest.
Do you wanna sing?

Kelly, I appreciate the offer,

but I have
a no karaoke policy.

WOMAN: And now let's give a warm
Captain Randy's coco-loco welcome

to our first contestants,
Angela and Ron!

Okay, let's
pick out a song.

(THE SHOOP SHOOP SONG
PLAYING)

♪ Does he love me,
I wanna know

♪ How can I tell
if he loves me so

♪ Is it in his eyes?

♪ Oh, no,
you'll be deceived

♪ Well, is it
in his eyes?

♪ Oh, no,
he'll make believe

♪ If you wanna know if he loves
you so, it's in his kiss

♪ That's where it is

♪ Hug him
Squeeze him tight

♪ And find out
what you want to know

♪ If it's love, if it really
is, it's there in his kiss

♪ Well, is it in his eyes?

♪ Oh, no,
you'll be deceived

♪ Well, is it
in his eyes?

♪ Oh, no,
he'll make believe

♪ Well, if you wanna know if he
loves you so, it's in his kiss

♪ That's where it is

♪ Oh, yeah, it's in his kiss

Cory, are you sure this
is the right song for us?

Topanga, you heard
Angela and Ron.

If we wanna win this, we must
sing something dramatic.

I know. I just don't think
this is the right song for us.

You wanna win or not?
Yes, I wanna win.

I just don't think that you
and I are the right people

to express this
particular sentiment.

Topanga,
it's a beautiful song,

and we're
gonna sing it.

Hit it,
Captain Randy.

(DRUM ROLL)

(w*r PLAYING)

♪ w*r!

Huh.

♪ What is it good for?

Absolutely nothing.
Say it again.

♪ w*r!

Good God, you all.

This is all a big joke
to you, right, Topanga?

(I GOT YOU BABE PLAYING)

♪ They say we're young
and we don't know

♪ We won't find out
until we grow

♪ Well, I don't know
if all that's true

♪ 'Cause you've got me,
and, baby, I've got you

♪ Babe

♪ I got you, babe

♪ I got you, babe

♪ They say our love
won't pay the rent

♪ Before it's earned,
our money's all been spent

♪ I guess that's so,
we don't have a pot

♪ But at least I'm sure of
all the things we've got

♪ Babe

♪ I got you, babe

♪ I got you...

I'm sorry.

I can't do this.

That's okay, Shawn. Maybe
we'll try again another time.

Yeah.

Okay,
mommies and daddies.

Everyone should
each have a baby.

Now, the first thing
we're going to focus on

is learning how to
burp your newborn.

Now, sit the baby
on your knee,

and with one hand
supporting the chest,

gently pat the baby on the
back with the other hand.

Miss, mine broke.

Could you
give me that head?

I know how to burp a baby.
What are we doing here?

Now, you can also try
the shoulder method.

Supporting the
baby's head,

lift the baby
up to your shoulder.

Oh, my God!
What?

I think
my water broke.

Miss, mine broke!

What?
My partner.

Her water just broke. This is real!
What do we do?

Oh, I don't know. I'm
filling in for my sister.

All I know are
burping, diapers,

and hee, hee, hee,
ho, ho, ho!

Okay. Who knows
what to do?

Eric, Eric,
go get the car.

Bring it around to the
front of the building.

Amy, you just ride in
the back with Jessica.

Are you okay?
Yeah.

All right. Listen, somebody call St.
Vincent's.

Just tell 'em we'll be there in
about five minutes, all right?

All right, thank you.

Shawn, first dates after a
break-up are always difficult.

It'll get easier.
No, it won't.

Let's face it, there's
something wrong with me.

No, there's nothing wrong with you, Shawn.
It's just...

I mean, you're obviously
hurting over Angela,

and it's gonna
take time.

When you're ready to meet
somebody new, you will.

I don't wanna
meet somebody new.

I'd screw
that up, too.

Guys, it's me.

Look, I already had something
great, and I k*lled it.

I'm never gonna have a
relationship like you guys.

I'm not normal.

Well, Shawn,
we're not normal.

I mean,
we're freaks.

We are.

We're freaks who've loved
each other since we were two.

I know.

And being friends with
you guys has shown me

how great it is
to have a relationship.

But I don't know
how to do that.

I mean, what if I'm incapable
of loving somebody?

What if I
can't do that?

Shawn, that's crazy.
No, it's not.

Not for me.

I don't know.
It's just...

It's kind of hard being
around you two, you know?

Shawn, what do you
want us to do?

Nothing, nothing.
It's not you, it's me.

Cory,
for the first time,

I've realized how
different we really are.

I just need time.
I gotta be alone.

I am alone.

Hey!

Hey, we got
your message.

Yeah, is
everything okay?

Oh, everything
is more than okay.

She's the mother
of a beautiful baby girl.

And she's got this man right
here to thank for it.

Eric. I'm serious, Dad.

You knew
just what to do.

Oh, I didn't do anything.
I mean, she was in trouble.

No, I'm not talking
about with her.

I'm talking about with me, man.
I was petrified.

You saw me. I froze there, man,

but I'm telling you, you knew
what to do, like always.

You're gonna do that
for the new baby, too.

Yeah, the very
lucky new baby

to have a great
dad like you.

I hope so.

So, you still
getting the Harley?

'Cause I was thinking
about borrowing it.

Sorry, Jack. You can
borrow my station wagon.

That's great. The women are
really gonna love that.

So, this mid-life crisis is
all about the baby, right?

There's never been
any question

about how much
I want the baby, Amy.

I'm just worried about how
much the baby's gonna want me.

I'm afraid I'm gonna be
too tired to play catch

or teach him
how to ride a bike.

I'm worried I'm not gonna
have enough energy

to run around with him the way
we did with the other kids.

You think that's what
makes you a good father?

I mean, yeah, sure, you
taught me how to swing a bat,

but any Little League
coach could do that.

It was more important that
you were there for me

after I struck out. You
made me feel better.

You were always
there for me, man,

just to listen to me, to
give me advice, you know,

and to help me
get through stuff,

just like
you did today.

You're never gonna be
too old to do that.

Well, I know I'm never gonna be
too old to give my son a hug.

No, you really are. No...

Hey, everyone,
I propose a toast.

A toast to new
babies everywhere.

ALL: To new babies
everywhere.

And the older ones.
(LAUGHING)

All I'm saying is, you guys
should have been there.

It was a miracle.

Ah, man. I want to have
at least five kids.

Five? I want, like,
one, maybe two.

You know,
I want five.

So do I.

Well, Topanga tells me that
she wants to have kids

as soon as
she gets married.

Wait a minute. It takes
nine months to have a baby.

We're getting married
in nine months.

I better go brush my teeth.
Oh...

(LAUGHING)

(DRUM ROLL)

(w*r PLAYING)

♪ w*r!
♪ Huh!

♪ What is it good for?

♪ Absolutely nothing!

♪ Say it again

♪ w*r!
♪ Huh!

♪ What is it good for?

♪ Absolutely nothing!

♪ Say it again

♪ w*r!
♪ Huh!

♪ What is it good for?

♪ Absolutely nothing!
Say it again

♪ Sing it, Topanga,
sing it!

♪ I don't like the w*r

♪ w*r's not good

♪ No w*r!
♪ No more w*r, Topanga

♪ I'll tell you why

♪ I'm gonna cry

♪ We don't like w*r

♪ Not you or you or you

♪ Or I
♪ Or I

♪ I've gotta run

♪ 'Cause I don't like w*r