06x11 - Santa's Little Helpers

[bunniefuu]

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

(FEENY SINGING O COME, ALL
YE FAITHFUL IN LATIN)

Hey, Mr. Feeny.
What's with the shrub?

Well, you know, one of
my favorite duties

as high school
principal

was overseeing the
holiday decorations.

So, I decided to carry
on the tradition here.

Oh, it's a precious
little tree. Look at it.

Look. Oh.

Hey!
What are you doing?

University policy.

Happy nondenominational
holidays.

Well, I suppose you two are
heading home for the holidays.

No. No, actually, no.

I was supposed to meet my
parents in the Bahamas,

but somehow the airlines
messed up my ticket,

so now I'm stuck here.

Ho ho ho!
Merry Christmas!

Ho ho ho...
It's me. It's Eric.

Hello, Mr. Matthews.

I'm glad to see you've
got the holiday spirit.

What I got
is bucks an hour,

a % discount at
Stuckey's department store,

and a job where I get to
sit on my butt all day.

It's kind of
like your job.

$ an hour? I wish.

Okay, come over here, guys.
Uh-oh.

Gifts all around.

Signed you guys up,
too.

Mrs. Claus.
(LAUGHING)

Elf boy.

Eric, well, thank you
for thinking of me.

I was all set
to spend Christmas

depressed over
my ex-boyfriend.

Now I get to be Mrs. Claus.
(LAUGHS)

I'm not going to
be an elf.

I was depressed enough about
not going to the Bahamas.

This little
green pointy hat's

really going to push
me over the edge.

Oh, come on, Jack.

Look, we're stuck
here in town alone.

Look, we'll be working together.
It'll be fun.

Oh, look how cute
you are.

Yeah, plus you're going to be
making, like, bucks an hour.

Wait a second. You get
bucks an hour?

Hey. I'm Santa.
You're just an elf.

Read your Bible.

Come on.

Look, Shawn,
the dorms are closing,

your father's
missing again,

why wouldn't you come to
my house for Christmas?

Because I hate
being the third wheel.

Oh, please. You know,
you've been the third wheel

with me and Topanga
so long,

I think of us
as a tricycle.

You know, without our third
wheel, what would we be?

A bicycle?

You coming or not?

I'll get my bags.

Thanks, Cory.

Merry Christmas,
Shawn.

Hey! Merry Christmas.

Hey.
Hey.

Merry Christmas.
Thanks.

Maybe you should
ask Cory if it's okay

for me to hang out with
you guys this Christmas.

Angela, now that Cory
and I are engaged,

Cory's family
is my family.

Besides, your dad is stationed
halfway around the world.

Do you really want to
spend Christmas alone?

(GROANS)
I'll get my bags.

Thanks, Topanga.

Oh, Topanga.

Uh, listen,
there's a slight change

in our first-ever
engaged Christmas plans.

See, Shawn's bunking
in my room, so the...

...sex is off.

You invited Shawn?

Wait a minute.
Why?

I invited Angela.

You invited Angela?

Who said you could invite Angela?
She's gonna k*ll me!

Oh, my God. Shawn's gonna
blame me for this.

Hey, why would Angela
want to k*ll you?

Hey, why would Shawn
blame you?

You know something
about Angela.

You know something
about Shawn.

All right.
On the count of three.

BOTH: One, two, three.

Angela's still
in love with Shawn.

I hate that.

I can't believe
you didn't tell me.

Listen, she swore me
to secrecy.

You got to tell me what
you know about Shawn.

Shawn is still in love
with Angela.

(GASPS) Yay.

He wrote that poem for her
after they broke up.

Oh, yay.

The only reason
he said he was over her

was because he thought
she was over him.

Aren't you
going to say yay?

No. I don't like
to be predictable.

We can't ever
tell them we know.

We'll betray
our friendships.

Okay, here's the plan.

We tell them.

Cory, no plans.

Please tell me we'll let
them do this on their own.

What kind of
cockamamie is that?

Listen, it's Christmas,
they love each other,

they're staying
at my house.

I mean, this thing
is out of our hands.

So, you
won't interfere?

It's way too early
to tell.

Hey! We're home
for the holidays.

Hope no one minds
a few extra people.

I'll get some
sleeping bags.

Hey, sorry
I took so long, I...

Shawn, I didn't know
you were coming.

(LAUGHING) Well...

Topanga didn't tell me
she invited Angela,

and I didn't tell you
I invited Shawn.

Ha! Nutty.

Cory, I'm going
to k*ll you.

Listen, this is
an innocent mix-up.

I... I promise.
But don't leave now,

or Shawn will think
it's because of him.

I can't believe
you did this to me.

I didn't know. What
do you want me to do,

say she can't stay here because
you're secretly in love with her?

Hey, you know what?

We're all friends
here, right?

Friends who
secretly love...

the holidays,

and on the holidays, all that
matters is that we're together,

no matter how we really
feel about each other.

Why do you always
have to hit?

Die, die, die, dead!
Die, dead. Die, dead!

What are you playing,
Santa?

Suzy Shops-A-Lot.

You're a freak.

Hey, at least my shoes
don't point up.

Look, if I wanted to hear
people fight for Christmas,

I would've spent it
with my ex-boyfriend.

Ho ho ho...
Hold up. Hold up.

Hold up.
Hold up one second.

I'm almost on level two.
(VIDEO GAME BEEPING)

Die, die, die, die.
Die, dead. Die, dead!

Why don't you put
the game down, Santa?

Yes, there's a sweet little boy
that wants to sit on your lap.

Ho ho ho. Come up
here, little one.

Okay, well,
what do you want?

I just want
my picture taken

so I can send it
to my grandma

so she sends me
a check.

Hmm. After she sends
the check,

tell her she forgot
the check.

Works every time.

Santa!
Ho ho.

All right. Hey, can we
get a picture here?

(CLICKS)

(FLIRTATIOUSLY)
Well, hello, Mrs. Claus.

Okay.

That little kid
just pinched me.

Uh, Santa,
Mrs. C., elf boy...

Yeah,
I just got word

that a busload
of children

from Saint Mary's
just arrived.

Now, these are children
without parents

and no money at all,

so... You know
what that means.

Yeah.

That they're not
going to buy anything,

so get rid of them
as fast as you can.

Oh, here comes
the little darlings now.

Hello, you little darlings.
(CHILDREN CHATTERING)

Wow.

No parents.

That's really tough.

You know what? We should give
them a little attention.

Yeah. All right.
(CLEARS THROAT)

(LAUGHING)

Oh, come and sit
on Santa's lap.

And what's your name,
little one?

Lucy.

Lucy. And what do you
want for Christmas, Lucy?

I don't know.

Oh, come on, Lucy.
That's Santa.

Thanks, Jack.

Is that
Suzy Shops-A-Lot?

Oh, well,
it certainly is.

Why... Why don't you ask
Santa for one of those?

Well, I never got anything
I asked Santa for.

Oh, I don't think you were
asking the right Santa.

Wow, you really
are Santa!

(LAUGHING)

Oh. Smile.

(CAMERA CLICKS)

There you go, Lucy.
Thank you.

(EXCLAIMS) Did you hear that?
I really am Santa.

I know.
That's so cool.

Oh, you should've seen your
faces in that picture.

They were priceless.

She really
believed in us.

Oh, man, you know something?
I love being Santa.

You know, it's not just, you
know, putting on the suit

and getting the superpowers
and everything.

I mean, it's a...
I made her happy.

Look at that.
I did that.

I know. Well, you look pretty
happy, too, there, Santa Claus.

(SIGHS)

Elf boy, here's Santa's
dad's credit card.

I want you to go
and take it

and buy toys
for all these kids.

You know what? I want
to help out, too.

I'm going to use the money I was
going to spend on the Bahamas trip.

Hmm.
I'll help you shop.

Oh, I don't have
any money, so...

Okay, yeah. Let's go.

Okay, who's next?

Time's a wastin'.

(LAUGHING)

Okay, Karen, let's see
what Santa's got for you.

Santa for you has...

This bag.

Ooh. Okay.

(LAUGHING)

Smile.
(CLICKS)

Okay. Bye-bye, Karen.
Bye-bye.

Oh.

She was grateful
for a bag.

She was grateful
for a bag.

I know. We did
really good, Santa.

You make me proud
to be Mrs. Claus.

You know, spending my
money for those presents

was better than any trip
I could've taken.

I'm really proud
to be your elf.

Well, you know
something?

You guys get ready
to be proud tomorrow,

because we are just
starting here.

I will not rest until every needy
kid gets what they ask for.

Uh-oh. Eric, nobody expects you

to take care of all
the needy children.

Then why were they
sent to me?

Oh, boy. Eric, we're
out of money.

Yeah. See, we've done
all that we can do.

Oh, no, I'm sorry. Santa
will not accept that, elf.

Okay.

Look, I'm telling you.
We're out of toys, you know?

We just got to get
a little creative.

Wait a minute. How do you
suppose that we get creative?

Oh, you shouldn't
have asked him that.

Oh, wow. Mr. Feeny,
that's a lot of fruitcake.

Yeah, I wasn't able to hand out
gifts to my new colleagues.

Oh, yeah, I'll take
those off your hands.

Here. Throw them
in here, man.

Apparently the tradition
at Pennbrook

is to b*at it
out of town

as fast as humanly
possible.

That's it? That's all you got?
Just the fruitcake?

Yes.

Well, at least there is one
tradition that is sacred.

I shall now hang up my
traditional wise Santa ornament.

But...

Ooh.

Jeez. I'm sorry,
Mr. Feeny.

Oh, well,
not to worry.

I'll simply
find a substitute.

Like this shiny
red ball.

How special.

All aboard
for Santa Land.

Eric,
it's Christmas eve.

Hey, we were going to spend
this together as a family.

I'm Santa.

Hey!
Hey!

Oh, my gosh,
what are you doing?

(ALL CHATTERING)

I never see them.

Hey, kids.
How was ice skating?

Yuletides of fun, Mom.

But who knew
it would be couples only?

I didn't, I swear.

Cory?

Will you please
stay out of this?

When you and I broke up, Shawn
did everything in his power

to get us
back together.

Now it's Christmas. Can you
think of a better gift

than doing the same
thing for them?

I know your intentions
are good.

Just don't push so hard.

Okay.
I'll be more subtle.

All right. Who wants to
string some popcorn?

Shawn and Angela!

Hey, Cory,
I always string...

Here you go.
Please?

(SIGHS)

So, you and me.

Stringing popcorn.

Go for it.

No, you go ahead.

Okay.

Angela, I'm not sorry that we're
spending Christmas together.

I'm not either.

All right,
everybody.

Tree is ready.
Gather around,

and I'll light
the Christmas lights.

Oh, uh,
Shawn and Angela,

the tree looks so much
better from right up here.

Right up
on that step.

Oh. What's that?
Mistletoe?

Could he be
any more obvious?

Yeah, like
the ice skating

and caroling
weren't bad enough.

What's he think,
a little holiday spirit

and we're just going to fall
into each other's arms?

ALL: Oh.

It's beautiful.

I love Christmas.

What?

You kissed Angela.

Cory, don't make
a big deal out of this.

Shawnie,
it is a big deal.

No, not this time. She's over
me and we are over each other.

Why won't you
let this go?

Because Angela's
still in love with you.

She didn't want to break up
with you in the first place,

and I know you wrote that poem
because you still love her.

What? How do
you know that?

Someone told me.
I mean, no one told me.

I mean...
I didn't say anything.

Please don't
take me to Topanga.

Okay. I want to know
what's going on.

Topanga, what
did you tell him?

Cory.

Angela, I told Shawn
that you still love him,

and I know Topanga
was telling you

that Shawn
still loves you...

What?

You didn't tell her
anything, did you?

No. No, I didn't.

Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.

Well, I'm thinking
now's a good time.

Somebody better
start talking,

and I think it should
be you and me.

Let's get out
of here.

Guys, wait.

I couldn't see
their faces.

Did they look angry?

Ooh, yes, like that.

Has anyone seen
my toaster oven?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

The Easy-Bake Oven
is for rookies.

Wouldn't you rather
Santa gave you

your very own
toaster oven?

All right.
Here we go.

Okay. Bye-bye, now.
Bye-bye.

Look how happy she is
about the toaster oven.

I am telling
you something,

Christmas is the greatest
idea anybody ever had.

Well, looks like I'm
all out of stuff here.

Made all these little kids happy.
(CHUCKLING)

Yeah.
You're a great Santa.

Hey, and you're
a great elf,

and I am
a great Santa.

You know something?

I want the world's happiness
to be my responsibility.

What a great job.
(LAUGHING)

Oh, excuse me,
Santa Claus.

Mmm. Yes, Mrs. Claus?

I think the little boy
needs to speak with you.

Oh, oh, of course. That's
what Santa's here for.

Come on up,
little one.

Oh, come up here,
my little...

Hey, you look familiar.
Are you in my psych class?

I was here yesterday.
My name's Tommy.

Yeah, Santa, he came with the
other children on the bus.

Oh... Oh, Tommy!
Of course, of course.

I remember you.
I gave you the truck.

Yeah, and I came
to give it back.

Well, why?
What's wrong with it?

Nothing.
It's what I wanted.

Well, then
what's the problem?

I didn't really believe
you were Santa,

but all my friends
came back with stuff.

So, now that I know
you're really him,

I was wondering if
I can give this back

and ask for
something else instead.

Of course you can,
Tommy.

Anything you want.

Really? Yeah, that's
why I'm here.

What do you need, Tommy?
What can I do for you?

Do you think I can have
parents for Christmas?

I thought just about everybody
would be out celebrating by now.

Oh, well.

Thanks.
Thanks.

You're welcome.

(DOOR CLOSES)

So, why can't we just tell
each other how we feel?

I don't know.

It's confusing, huh?

Yeah. We broke up.
We agreed to move on.

Next thing you know, we're
kissing under the mistletoe.

Yeah, and letting Cory tell
us how we should feel.

When we're not
even sure ourselves.

Oh, no, Shawn.

I'm sure.

I love you. I've
always loved you.

I just wanted you to be
sure about what you felt.

(CLEARS THROAT) Well,

when we broke up, I thought
I wanted to be free,

but I couldn't stop
thinking about you.

That scares me.

I don't know what to do
with those feelings.

You give in to them,
Shawn.

Because then
you'd be in love

with someone
who loves you, too.

Isn't that
what you want?

You are a wonderful
person, Angela.

Isn't that what you want, Shawn?

I... I don't know
what I want.

I'm so confused, okay?

I don't think... I really
don't think I'm ready.

I opened my heart
to you.

I just can't sit around
like a fool,

waiting for you
to be ready.

Angela...

I'm done.

It's over, Shawn.

(DOOR CLOSES)

I want to make
the happiness

of the entire world
my responsibility.

What an idiot.

What am I supposed to do?

I made all those
little kids smile,

took care of everybody
that came to see me.

No disrespect,

but why would you
send me that little boy?

Why doesn't that nice
little boy have parents?

Why doesn't that nice
little boy have parents?

Why did you send me
that little kid?

And why do I only
come to you

when I need something?
(CHUCKLING)

You shouldn't have to take
care of everything, right?

I will take care
of this.

I can be responsible for the
happiness of one little boy.

What could be
taking them so long?

I love you.
You love me.

We're back together. Let's
thank Cory and Topanga.

I mean, that's
minutes, tops.

Guys, do we have to wait for
Eric to open our presents?

No, honey. You've been
patient long enough.

How about each one
of us open one?

Okay.

Hey, mine's empty.

"Your -bit power
drill was donated

"to a child in need.
Love, Santa Claus."

He also gave away
my breast pump.

Ooh. This is for you.

I don't understand.

I do. Where's Eric?

He, uh...
I, um...

Oh, the kids were just
so cute, you know.

It wasn't just him,
we all...

Yeah, yeah. See,
here's the thing.

Have you ever really
gotten caught up

in the spirit
of Christmas,

so much so that you
want to steal?

Merry Christmas, everybody.
How you doing?

This is... It's okay.
Come on in.

This is Tommy.

Hi.

Well, hi, Tommy.

Do you have
my -bit power drill?

Eric, what's going on?

Well, you see, Tommy here
doesn't have a family,

so I thought
it'd be nice

if he could spend
Christmas with us.

You know, if it's okay
with everybody else.

Sure.
Yeah, that'd be great.

Yeah. Hey, Tommy, do you
like gingerbread cookies?

Yeah.

So do I.

Yep, Tommy and I met
when I was Santa.

He thought
I was really Santa.

Now I know he's Eric.

Yeah. He said we could
still hang out, though.

Eric said we can hang
out on weekends.

Yeah, it'll be like
he's got a big brother.

Well, he's a good one, Tommy.

Figured it was something
I could do.

Merry Christmas, Eric.

Merry Christmas, Tommy.

Merry Christmas.

"Marley was dead,
to begin with.

"There is no doubt
whatever about that.

"The register
of his burial was signed

"by the clergyman,
the clerk,

"the undertaker,
and the chief mourner.

"Scrooge signed it,

"and Scrooge's name
was good upon change

"for anything he chose
to put his hand to.

"Old Marley was...

"As dead as a doornail."