06x05 - Better Than The Average Cory

[bunniefuu]

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

Now, this happens
to be my favorite room

in the Philadelphia
Museum of Art.

These abstracts are open
to personal interpretations,

so I want each of you
to pick out a piece of artwork

that speaks to you.

Then speak to us about
how it speaks to you.

Hey, guys.

Shawn and I
have great news.

Hey, me, too.

Shawn just got into
the photography program.

And Angela got an
A on her essay,

"Maintaining
black identity

"when you have three
very white friends."

That's great,
you guys.

Cory, what was
your good news?

I found a penny.

Oh.

That's great, too.

All right.
Who'd like to be first

to offer an interpretation
of this for the class?

Oh, pick me, Mr. Feeny,
please! Please!

Put your hands down.
Please!

Well, how can I turn down
that kind of enthusiasm?

All right, Mr. Matthews,
give us your interpretation.

I see hands

tearing at the fabric
of America.

You can almost see
the old and bitter artist

as he predicts total
anarchy and higher taxes

and the death
of the American way.

Excuse me, but that's
totally wrong.

(CHUCKLES)

Are you lost,
little girl?

The painting is about the hope for
the future and the joy of life,

and the artist
is not bitter.

Look, little girl.

You're a little girl. Huh!

I'm years old, and you're
gonna try and tell me something?

No, no, no. You just take
your little "joy for life"

and pipe it, sister!

What's your problem?

No problem. Keep talking.
I'm going to enjoy this.

Excuse me, Mr. Mean Man, but I know
exactly what's in the painting.

Oh, was I "Mr. Mean Man"?
(LAUGHING)

Was I too mean
to the "little girl," hmm?

Go ahead. You tell me how you know
what's in the painting. Go ahead.

I painted it.

Yeah, you painted it,
and I got your nose.

(IN HIGH-PITCHED TONE)
I got your nose!

Mr. Matthews, give
her back her nose.

Oh, I'm just playing
with the kid.

Cory, I believe the kid whose nose
you hold is Alexandra Nechita.

Alexandra Nechita?

Hello.
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

See, this isn't
really your nose.

It's my thumb,
and... Here.

(CHUCKLES)

Miss Nechita, I'm a
great admirer of yours.

I'd be very interested
in hearing your thoughts

about classic versus
modern technique

and the impact of the renaissance
on the modern palette.

Feeny.
You're drooling, man.

I'm sorry, Mr. Hunter,
but I get carried away

when I see a young person
with such extraordinary gifts.

Are you saying we don't have
extraordinary gifts, Mr. Feeny?

No, of course not,
Mr. Matthews.

You also have
extraordinary gifts.

Like what?

You have your health.
Good for you.

Step aside while
I talk to the genius.

What are you doing
in Philadelphia?

There's a showcase
of my earlier work.

Ah. Well, this
is extraordinary.

Wow. She has
earlier work.

Wait a minute. I'm , and
I have no work at all.

It's okay, Cory. Everybody
can't be a great painter.

Yeah, but she's, like,
as old as my sister,

and she already knows
what she's good at.

I wonder what
I'm good at.

You have a sister
my age?

Oh, don't.
Don't even bother.

Hey!

Hey, wait.
I know who you are.

You're that painter girl
I saw on Rosie O'Donnell.

Morgan, this
is Alexandra.

Hi.
Hi!

For some reason, she wants
to hang out with you.

Well, when I go
on all these tours,

I don't get a lot of time to
spend with kids my own age.

Have you really been painting
since you were, like, two?

My parents gave me a coloring
book and crayons when I was two,

and I guess I just
never stopped.

Really? 'Cause, you know,
when Morgan was two,

she gained almost
full control of her neck.

Yeah, we're all
real proud of her.

Go ahead, Morgan,
hold up your head.

That-a-girl!

When I was one and a half,
I learned to ignore him.

Loser.

So, you like
video games?

Yeah, she likes video games!

Morgan, she's a cultural icon.
She's got lots of...

Banjo-Kazooie?
Got it.

Oh, cool. Did you get
to the witch's tower?

Twice.
Will you show me how?

Yeah! Let's go.

Hey, Cor.
What you doing?

Shawn, do you think
I'm talented?

Oh, God. What now?

Can you believe how tough
Peterson's econ class is?

How am I supposed
to know what effect

the devaluation of the Russian
ruble has on the Asian market?

I mean, please.
(LAUGHING SARCASTICALLY)

Why don't you
just go pee?

You would love that,
wouldn't you?

He's afraid to leave us
alone for a couple minutes.

Oh, yeah, like you've ever left me
alone with her for any minutes?

You know, actually, you know what?
I'm okay. I'm good.

All right!
Totally good.

Eric's okay!
Whoo!

Hey, let's have a little toast
to, um, Eric being okay.

Hey, everybody,
drink up! Yo!

(EXCLAIMING)

Mmm!

That is the meanest thing
you've ever done to me.

He is so funny.

Like he has to worry about us
being alone together, right?

(SCOFFS) Yeah.
I want you to marry me.

What?

Yeah, marry me now before he
comes out of the bathroom.

Okay. But, you know,
I hope you want kids,

(MUFFLED) because I want
six boys and six girls.

(GAGGING)

Look, I know
this is very sudden,

but I need you to hurry
up and answer me

before he comes out
of the bathroom.

(MUFFLED)

That's right, cutie pie,
I'm talking to you.

(GAGGING)

"I'm chucking to death."

Mmm.

Oh! God!
Oh, God! Okay!

(YELPS)

Whoo! Monsoon season
is officially over, man...

(SCREAMING)

(EXCLAIMING)

Hey! Wait a minute!

Hey! (EXCLAIMING)

You said you weren't
gonna do anything!

She was chucking
to death!

Oh, my God,
you saved my life!

No, he didn't!

Forget about it. You would've
done the same for me.

No. If I can do anything
to repay you, I will,

'cause I owe you.
I owe you big time.

I am never gonna
pee again!

And this is my
eighth-place trophy

for enthusiasm
from fat camp.

When were you fat?

My parents applied to the
good camps too late.

Man, those guys
could eat pie.

What's that one for?

Um, my baseball team
came in last.

They actually gave you
a trophy for that?

Well, they wanted everybody to feel
a sense of pride and achievement.

Where's his head?

I smashed it off
with a hammer.

Cory, I know I'm supposed
to make you feel better,

but what kind of loser
saves all these things?

Because this was me,
Shawn. This is me.

Mr. Average.

My room here is a shrine
to my mediocre life.

Let's stop right there, okay?
You don't have a mediocre life.

(SCOFFS) There's nothing about me
that separates me from anybody else.

You know, nobody ever put a paint
brush in my hand when I was two.

Nobody ever helped me find
out what I was talented at.

Wait.

You used to be pretty
good at this thing.

(SINGING OFF-KEY)
♪ My dog has fleas

Wow.

♪ My dog has fleas

Yes!

Your father and I ran into
Mrs. Eichelburger at the grocery store.

Her daughter's the reason you
didn't enter the talent show

at the youth center,
isn't she?

Guys, Eloise Eichelburger wins
that talent show every year.

Why should anyone else
bother to try?

Oh, Morgan, you are
such a good singer.

It would be a shame
for you not to even try.

Well, I'm sure Alexandra
wants you to try.

I mean, do you think she'd let
it stop her from painting

because there
are other girls

who could paint
better than she could?

Huh?

Oh, yeah.
Oh! Oh, sure.

There are many girls who
can paint better than...

I'm not supposed to lie.
What do I do?

Go play.

Mom, do I have to sing?

Oh, Morgan, nobody's
gonna force you

to do anything
you don't want to do.

You don't want to sing,
you don't have to sing.

Oh, that's right.
And tell her

she doesn't have to continue with
her ukulele lessons, either.

(PLAYING MYSTERIOUS TUNE)

What?

Way to groom another
eighth-place honorable mention,

nothing special
also-ran, Dad.

Okay, what now?

"What now?"

"What now?"

I could've been one of the
greatest ukulele players

in the world.

Are you getting that this
isn't about the ukulele?

I could've been great at
something, and you stopped me.

We didn't stop you.
You just lost interest.

Oh, well, how come you didn't give
me a paint set when I was two?

'Cause you were more excited
about toilet training.

"Cory big boy now,"
you would say.

(LAUGHING)

Oh, "Cory big boy now."

You know, why didn't you ever
push me to be anything great?

You didn't help me find
out what I was good at.

And I do not want to be
one of these people, Dad,

who has no first-place trophies
and no special talents.

I mean, why didn't you
want me to be better?

Better?
Better than what?

Better than what I am.

What are you saying?

I'm saying
better than this.

You mean
better than me?

Yeah. Better than you.

Cory!

No, it's just... I'm never
gonna be great at anything

because I was raised
to be average.

And I'm average
because you're average.

Cor!

Come on, you gotta
come out sometime.

Hey. Look who it is.

It's the ice-cream man.

Well, hello,
Mr. Ice-cream Man.

What's that?

Cor, he says he's got
your favorite flavor.

Vanilla?

What's going on?

Oh, he's locked himself in there,
and he won't come out for anybody.

He's searching
the caverns of his soul.

Oh, no.
Not the caverns.

Cory, open
this door!

There's no
ice-cream man.

I know, Cory.

I did a terrible thing.

I mean, I did the worst thing
that I could possibly do.

I told my father
he was average.

I told my dad that once.
He was thrilled.

Well, my dad
wasn't thrilled.

I mean, he was crushed.

I crushed my father.

I crushed my father.

Cory, we all say
things we don't mean.

He'll understand.

Just apologize.

I meant what I said.

I feel like
I'm just a regular guy

like my father's
just a regular guy.

How do I apologize
for that?

Oh, Cory, you're not
just a regular guy.

You're very good
at a lot of things.

Like what?

Don't press me on this. I'm just
trying to make you feel better.

Look, you all know exactly
what you're good at, right?

I have no idea
what I am.

I'm like
standard issue.

I come in
a plain wrapper.

Well, so do dirty magazines,
and everybody loves them.

Okay. Not you.

Go home and talk
to your father, Cory.

I can't.
He's gonna k*ll me.

No, he won't.

An average father
might be angry,

but your father
isn't average.

So go home and find out
how wrong you are.

We'll be behind you
the whole way.

(GASP) How you doing?

Get in the car.

What are you gonna ask her for?
Leave me alone.

What are you gonna ask her for?
Will you stop?

What are you gonna
ask her for?

All right,
you want the truth?

I can't handle
the truth!

Rachel, will you come out
here for a minute, please?

Wait, it's pay-up time right
now here in front of me?

So have you decided what
you want for saving my life?

Yes, I have.

Come here.

Right here
in front of me?

Look, I appreciate
your gratitude,

and, uh, well, I've decided
that what I would like is...

A peanut butter
and jelly sandwich.

No!

Don't give yourself to him just
'cause he saved your life!

Life is to live!

Life is...

You say a peanut butter
and jelly sandwich?

Is that all you want?

Mmm.

Okay.

She'll give you
anything you ask for,

and you ask for
a PB and J?

I don't want her to feel like
she has to owe me something.

Well, then, why did
you save her life?

Oh, you would've done
the same thing, Eric.

Oh, what, just because
I like her and I respect her

and I wouldn't want to
take advantage of her?

Yeah, that.

Actually, could I have a peanut
butter and jelly sandwich, too?

Um...

I realize
you're angry,

and, Dad, whatever
we're doing here,

I want you to know
I said a terrible thing,

and I have no idea where to
even begin to apologize.

I'm sorry you meant it.

Do you know what
this place is?

The abandoned warehouse where
no one will hear my screams?

My first job was
sweeping up this store.

I took over after
my father retired.

He spent years
with a broom in his hand.

I wish he could see
all that I have now.

Why are you so ashamed
of being average?

Well, I'm not...
Look at this place.

Look at this place.
Touch it.

Go on, touch it. Get
some dirt on your hands.

Try and see what average
looked like from here.

To me, average...
Average was a dream.

That's why my father
worked his butt off,

so maybe his son could
have something more.

And I learned
from him, Cory.

And I respected him because
he did the best that he could.

And I was proud of him.

And he would've been
proud of me, too.

I don't know.
You know, maybe...

If my son thinks average is
nothing, then I've done my job.

But I'm sorry that
you're not proud.

Of him, of me,

and of yourself.

Big deal.
So she twirls batons.

Wow! Look at all that
fire in the air.

Dad...
(SHUSHING)

Look, Dad...
No. (SHUSHING)

She's good.

I know. She's the best
fire juggler in the county.

She's gonna win.

I'm not gonna sing.

You're not gonna sing?

I don't want to.

Aren't there times when
you don't want to paint?

Well, when people first started
to make a big deal about it,

I didn't want to be different
from all my friends.

But I love to paint,
and that's why I do it.

Don't you
love to sing?

Yeah, I do.

Then that's
your gift, Morgan.

And if you're lucky enough
that God gave you one,

I think that
you should share it.

Thank you, Eloise! That's gonna
be a tough act to follow.

Well, we have had
quite a night this evening.

We've had fire batons,

we had a little boy
that juggled the ducks,

and a special thank you to the
double-jointed Plunket twins.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

And now, our final entry will be
Morgan Matthews, who will sing a song.

Yay, Morgan!
Mommy loves you!

(SINGING
WIND BENEATH MY WINGS)

I can't live like this.

I need you to know
that I'm sorry.

Don't worry about it.

But I am worried about it.
(SHUSHING)

(SINGING ALONG)

Morgan,
you were terrific.

(SIGHS) Thanks.

How was I?

(WHISPERING) I'm not supposed to lie.
What do I do?

Let's just go.

Dad?
Hmm.

I think I said
all that stuff earlier

because I was afraid
about my life.

You know, when you meet
somebody great like Alexandra,

you begin to wonder if
you're worth anything,

and if I'm not, it was
easier to blame you.

But I know
it's up to me

to make my life something
to be proud of.

Well, that's what
life is about, Cory.

You spend your time searching for
something to give your life meaning.

Some people find it
in their talent.

Yeah, but what if
I'm not talented?

Other people find it
in other ways.

You know when I knew
my life was worth something?

When I held you
in my arms.

Now, how'd you know
I was gonna say that?

That's what my daddy
always says to me.

Eric!

Oh, Eric, my poor Eric,
are you okay? Wake up!

What's going on?

Eric's dead.

Cool.

(RACHEL GASPS)

Wait a second,
I think he's alive.

What can I
do for him?

Oh, I know.

Mouth-to-mouth
resuscitation.

Oh, sh**t.
You know what?

I don't know mouth-to-mouth
resuscitation.

Do you know CPR, jack?
(MOUTHING) Say "yes."

Yes, I do.

So just, uh, move aside
there, sweetheart.

(EXCLAIMS)

Oh, yeah, that's good.
Make fun of the dead.