05x21 - Honesty Night

[bunniefuu]

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

CORY: Previously on
Boy Meets World...

Surprise.

Good. Well, I'm glad
we cleared this up.

Cory, if you want
me to leave, I will.

But I needed
to see you.

You never answered my letter, and
I needed to know if what we had

was just because
of the fireplace

and the mountains
and the sky.

Lauren, I'm meeting
Topanga here, okay?

And I... Really, I don't
want her to see us together.

I like Lauren.

I like spending time
with her.

But I can
live without her.

I can't live
without Topanga.

Cory, I can't
see you anymore.

What?

You're going to kiss
me now, aren't you?

Do you know what I felt
when he kissed me?

Yeah, I probably do.

Nothing.

What?

I called him today
to let him know

I can't ever
see him again.

You did?

Because I'm in love, Angela.

I don't mean high school "I
love you, I love you, too."

I mean I am in love
with Cory Matthews.

And I want to be.

There's nobody else
in the world for me,

and there
never will be.

I'm taken.

So are we starting over?

Yeah.

BOTH: Morning,
Mr. Feeny.

Wait a minute.

You're sitting together.
You're talking in unison?

Everything's better.

We worked out
our differences.

We got back together.

Oh, well, good.

Aw, shucks.

And I'm sure I'm not half
as thrilled as Shawn was

when you told him
the good news.

Oh, no.

I mean, he was even more
broken-hearted than you two.

You did tell Shawn,
didn't you?

Well, we just got
back together last night.

I've had a lot of stuff
on my mind.

You should've told Shawn
before you told me. Cory.

It's okay. I mean,
we'll tell him now.

It's not like anybody
else knows, right?

ALL: Congratulations,
you guys.

Oh, my gosh. Shawn
is going to k*ll me

if he finds out he was not
the first person to know.

He tried every way he knew
how to get us back together.

Okay, listen. There is
only one thing to do.

Ho ho!

Is that the stupid idea train
coming 'round the bend?

We have to pretend to still
be apart for his sake.

All aboard!
Whoo-whoo!

It is so simple.

We'll set it up
so he can reunite us.

It's a great plan!

It's not a great plan.
It's an anti-great plan.

If I may,
five words.

Topanga is correct.

That's only three.

You moron.

Okay. Listen, Topanga,
you got to help me.

Help me convince Shawn

it's up to him
to get us back together.

Why can't we just
tell him the truth?

(SHUSHES)

Because look at him.

He bleeds for us.

You and I could make him the
happiest guy in the universe.

Oh, this can't possibly
come out well.

I can't believe
you said that to me,

you stunted little
whiny Brillo head!

Wow!

Oh, yeah?

Well, you're a short little
nasal-voiced blimpo-lipped...

So and so.

(SOFTLY)
I need more time.

When will this
madness end?

Very soon, I hope.

It's all so crazy.

I feel like I'm just
clinging to the wreckage.

Well, day
of the wreckage.

You kiss my blimpo lips and
tell them you're sorry.

Well, I would,
but my Brillo head

might poke
your eyes out.

I'm sorry.
Okay.

Now, let's be mad
at each other.

(GROWLS)

Whoo-whoo!

Your plan is working.

Shawn still thinks
you're apart.

I can't believe we were ever
apart, my little love dumpling.

With plum sauce.

On the other hand,
you both sicken me.

I know
this is wrong,

but I'm actually
starting to enjoy

this deceitful
little game.

You are? Really?

Yeah. I mean, don't you
find it sexy, Cory?

Cory and sexy in
the same sentence, wow.

I do believe
your resolve

is weakening,
my little kumquat.

Oh, I want to
kiss you so bad.

This sneaking around stuff
seems to be agreeing with you.

Only if I can be
sneaky with you.

On the other hand,
you sicken me, too.

And I have serious
misgivings

about being part
of your little...

Bighorn...

Where General Custer and his wife...
Mrs. Custer

had a beach house.

Oh, I'm way
too involved.

Here he comes.
All set?

All set.

I can't believe
how many good years

I've wasted on you,
Cory Matthews!

But, Topanga, think of
everything we've had,

everything
we've shared.

Sure, we've had some
kicks, a few laughs.

Maybe you should've
thought about that

before you spent time with
that skinny-lipped ski bunny.

Ah! She has a name.

I can't take this
anymore.

Shawn!
We need your help.

But it's hopeless.

No, it is not hopeless.

Yes, it is.

Cory, look at how callous and
uncaring she is about you.

Look at her again.

Nah, she's like ice.

Hey.

What are these
tears, Topanga?

Are... Are these
the tears of hope?

Maybe a little.

But I just saw him
pleading with you

to take him back,
and you didn't.

That wasn't my heart
talking, Shawn.

Cory and I are meant
to be together.

I just fear that there's
too much damage done

for us to put us back
together ourselves.

You are our last hope.

Really?
Yeah.

I am?

But I'm sure all you
have to do is say so,

and he'll come running.

If only it were
that easy.

One of the things I love most
about Cory is his fierce pride.

That's crazy. I've known
Cory all my life.

He has no pride at all.
Watch this.

Hey, Cor, I think
she'll take you back.

She can rot in hell.

Wow. You know him
better than I do.

Say you'll help us.

Perhaps you thought I'd used
up all my emotional strength

over the last
days,

but I have kept
just a little

right here,
in the pumper,

for I always knew
this day would come,

and I am prepared for you,
my beloved friends,

to squeeze out the last drop
of my emotional toothpaste.

I'm telling him.

He's making a speech.
Let him talk.

I will save you two.

Oh, yes. I will.

What a jerk.

"She can rot in hell"?

It's too much?

Ah, you're actually
pretty good at this.

Thank you. You're actually
pretty good at...

Whoa. I was actually...
I was going to say,

you're good
at field hockey,

but you're good
at this, too.

Hey, let me ask you something
about Cory and Topanga.

Are they
still estranged?

That was on my
word-a-day calendar.

Good thing you
asked me today, too,

because if you asked me
tomorrow, I would've said

"Are they
still estranged"? Hey.

I think they both want
to get back together.

They just need me to give them a
push in the right... You know.

Estranged?

Yeah, estranged.

He's getting worse.

I have been trying to help them all
along, but nothing I do works.

Their... Their relationship is
just more complicated than most.

They're different.

If I figured out why they're
different, maybe I could help them.

They're different because
they love each other.

Then why did
they break up?

I don't know. I just know
I need to help them.

No! You can't
help them today.

Today's estranged day,
and so is tomorrow.

You can't get them back
together on estranged day.

You got to wait till
the day after tomorrow.

Why?
What word is that?

That would be
"estranged."

Hey!

You know, this is the
last time I buy anything

from
http://www.howdysucker.com.

All right.
Get in the shed.

I hate this.

Okay, Shawn,
how are you going

to save our doomed
relationship?

It's not doomed.
It's just hopeless.

Good.
Good for both of you.

Admitting there's a problem is
always the first step in recovery.

Okay, so what do we do?

Well, the first thing
we all have to realize is

that this is going
to take time.

Time.
Time is it.

And it might not even
happen soon.

But, you know, we could
wake up tomorrow...

And be back together!

(CHUCKLING) Shawn,
thanks, buddy!

Let's just see
what happens tomorrow.

Okay. So, we all know that
this is going to take

an enormous
amount of time.

Because, well, he
kissed another girl

and then he went
on a date with her.

Yes, thank you, Shawn.

And she was catting around with
that good-looking art guy.

Yeah, okay.

And when I was thinking
about this on the way over,

I realized, yeah, it's possible
that they may not belong together.

I mean, the heartless cruelty
you inflicted on each other,

who does that
to each other?

No. No. There just may be
too much damage done.

Fortunately, I know you better
than you know yourselves,

and I know that deep
down, in your souls,

you love each other.

You sure?

Yeah.

That's good.
So we're done?

No. We're just
getting started.

Cory, if there was
one thing

that you could change about
Topanga, what would that be?

(STUTTERING) I wouldn't
change a thing.

Oh, work with me here.

Be brutally honest.

Name one thing
that you would change.

Don't think, feel!

But I'm not sure...

(SOFTLY) Humor him.

But I wouldn't change
anything about you.

Come on, Cory.

We've been broken up
for days.

I'm sure you can find a teensy
bit of anger and resentment

somewhere in you
if you dig real deep

and think about all the pain
I've caused you lately.

Is there, Cory?

Is there some anger that the two
of you still need to work out?

You know, I never knew you could
be so cold and unforgiving.

And how do you feel
about that?

Terrible!

Topanga, I was only...

No more secrets!

But I was only...
No more hostility!

Now, what about you,
Topanga?

I can't believe what an
insensitive jerk you are!

Are you serious?

How do you feel
about that, Cory?

Not good.

Why would you say I was
cold and unforgiving?

I don't know. It seemed
like the right thing

for an insensitive
jerk to say.

Well, good! Okay!

You see, we've got
a dialogue going now,

and we're on the road to
reconciliation, right, guys?

Right? Aren't we
on that road?

Maybe an access road?

We even in the car?

You're right. I'm cold
and unforgiving,

so I have no idea how I thought
we could've gotten back together.

She really left!

I told you, this is
going to be tough.

What?

Well, maybe we're just going
to have to accept the fact

that you and Topanga aren't
going to get back together.

You big, stupid idiot!

That's great!
Let it out.

You don't understand.

We were back together.

We just wanted
to make you feel

like you had something
to do with it.

What?

You mean, you didn't
need my help really?

Hey, you'll forgive me if I don't
feel bad for you right now.

Well, what kind
of stupid thing was it

for you to care whether I put
you back together or not?

What are you,
Humpty Dumpty?

No, no, no, Shawn.
You do not understand.

We told Feeny
first, okay?

You would've been
very, very upset.

Wait. Wait a minute.

You told Feeny
before you told me?

Yes.
Who cares?

The main thing is
you're back together!

But we're not now! You
just broke us up again!

You're just
telling me that

so I can put you back
together again.

I don't like your sick
games, Cory the mind bender.

You know, we really should
have taken more classes

during our
senior year.

We have entirely way too
much time on our hands.

Okay. I've gathered you all
here today to ask one question.

By a show of hands,

how many of us are sick of
the Cory-Topanga issue?

Eric, you're the only one
not raising your hand.

That's right.

Why is that, Eric?

Because I'm the extension.

You mean exception?

Was today's word
"exception"?

No, today's word
was "pertinent,"

but I didn't that was having
anything to do with this situation.

All right.
By a show of hands,

how many people
are tired of Eric?

Cool. It's ubiquitous.

Look, Shawn, it was
really nice of you

to stage this little
intervention for us,

but I really think Cory and I
can handle our relationship

or non-relationship or whatever
it was or is or might be.

I don't think so,
Topanga.

You've had your chance.

I'm taking your relationship
out of your hands.

I don't think you even
understand your relationship.

They love each other.

Then why did
they break up?

I don't even know
what she's upset about.

You called me cold
and unforgiving.

You used to think
I was pretty perfect!

You called me
an insensitive jerk!

You used to think I was the most
considerate guy in the world.

Maybe we've just known
each other for too long.

Maybe we don't really
belong together anymore.

Or maybe there's just some
residual anger keeping you apart.

Residual!
To leave over.

Like if your mom makes a pot
roast and you don't finish it,

what you have left over
is the residual pot roast.

Residual.

You don't know what it's like
to live here, man. You don't.

Then why
do you stay?

Because...

He's my friend.

Because I like him,

and no matter what crazy
things he says or does,

I still like him.

God help me,
I still like him.

Oh, hey,
come here, man.

Come here.

Oh, look at them. They're,
like, a million miles apart.

I don't think so.

I don't think we
ever understood

how close
they actually are.

What?

Cor, we need you
to be back home

when Morgan gets back
from her art lesson.

Hi, Topanga.
Hi.

Why, you got
a big emergency?

Your mother needs me to go
shopping with her for bath towels.

Suddenly she can't
buy them without me.

Alan, I am
perfectly capable

of picking out towels
by myself.

I just want to make sure
I don't pick out something

too pink or too fluffy
this time.

Buy whatever you want. Just don't
punish me over towels, okay?

Maybe the punishment is because
you forgot my mother's birthday.

I didn't forget.
I made a choice.

Oh, that is the most insensitive
thing I have ever heard!

Runs in the family.

(RAZZING)

Fine. You know, let's
just get this over with,

so I can get back
for the game.

Oh, the precious Phillies.

I'm sure this game
will make a difference

between, what,
fourth or fifth place?

What... What did you
just say?

I said they stink!

You want to watch baseball,
move to Baltimore.

What did you just say?

Give me the keys.
I'm driving.

It's : . You're a
lunatic at rush hour.

Mom, come on.
When you said lunatic...

It's not the traffic that
makes me crazy, dear.

"Oh, oh, look out!
Turn right here, please.

"Oh, you're too close!
Yield!"

And if I'm such a bad driver,
why did you marry me?

Dad, when you say
why did you marry me...

I wouldn't have if I had
listened to my mother.

Mom, Dad, please.
Listen...

You know, I am glad that I
forgot your mother's birthday,

and when June th
rolls around,

I might forget
someone else's, too.

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHING) Oh, you think it's funny
if I forget your birthday, huh?

That's your birthday.

What?

And I know just what I'm going
to get you, you big lug.

What? What are you going to get me?
Come on, give me a hint.

I'm not going to tell.
Give me a hint.

Then it won't be a surprise.
Come on, come on.

Oh, I know. You're going to
give me bath towels. Right?

AMY: Well, maybe I'll
tell you in the car.

Okay.
You want to drive?

No, you can drive,

but don't listen to the
game on the radio,

because I want
to talk to you.

About what?
About whatever you want.

All right, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

Come on, whoa. Wait a minute.
What just happened here?

You two just said horrible
things to each other

and then got
all lovey-dovey.

Hey, I was going
to say that!

How come you say that when
I was going to say that?

Who cares who says it
as long as it gets said?

Then what are we
arguing about?

We sound like them.

Oh, no. We do.

Why... Why do we
sound like you?

Because you
love each other.

No matter what crazy
things he says or does,

you still
love each other.

Then why did
we break up?

Because we're
in high school,

and you think
you're supposed to.

But when two people
are really in love,

it doesn't matter that there
are disagreements sometimes.

It comes
with the territory.

And when two people
are really in love,

they don't break up just
'cause they have a fight.

Love would be pretty dull if
you agreed about everything.

Besides, then they'd
never get to make up.

When two people
are in love,

they don't break up
just because they fight.

Want to make up now?

Now, that was the most
incredible thing I've ever seen.

Thank you.

What, like you had
anything to do with it?

Shawn?

Shawn, Cory and I
are back together now.

We wanted you to be
the first one to know.

Hey, Cory and Topanga
are back together.

(GASPS) They are?

Yeah.
And, listen, Shawn,

I'm sorry we ever put
any pressure on you

to get us back together.

You know, I mean, even though
you're my best friend,

no one could
ever do that.

I guess friendship
only goes so far.

Morning, boys.

Salutations,
my didactic friend.

Excuse me?

Hi. He said hi.

I know what he said.
Does he know what he said?

(LAUGHS)
Oh, Mr. Feeny,

I appreciate your
sardonic jocularity.

It's his word-a-day
calendar.

It took him some time, but
he's finally got it down.

Oh, well, Eric,
I salute you.

A good vocabulary is an
important asset in life.

Well, thank you,
Mr. Feeny.

I'm certain my
erudite loquaciousness

will be most advantageous,

particularly as regards
intellectual discourse.

I can see where this is
going to get old quick.

Can you?
Snap him out of it.

So, Eric, have you perused
the tastefully lascivious

Sports Illustrated
swimsuit issue?

Tushies for sale!
Cool!

You're a good teacher,
Mr. Feeny.

Yeah, well, when you
live next door

to a house
full of psychos...