01x01 - Welcome to Monsters, Incorporated

[bunniefuu]

(DOOR CREAKING)

(ROARS)

(SCREAMS)

(SHORT-CIRCUITING)

(ELECTRICAL BUZZING)

Well, Professor Knight, how'd I do?

(PANTING)

(CHUCKLES)

"How'd you do?" Not even James P. Sullivan himself ever scored this high.

- Wait, really?

- You're quite the Scarer, Mr. Tuskmon.

Thank you, sir.

And when you get to Monsters, Incorporated...

Oh, the screams you generate alone will power half of Monstropolis.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

You mean if I get to Monsters, Incorporated.

No.

When.

- What's, uh...

- Go on.

Open it.

"Dear Mr. Tuskmon.

Monsters, Incorporated is pleased to offer you the position of Scarer".

- (LAUGHS)

Straight to the top!

- (MUMBLES)

"Please arrive Monday morning at : a.m.

to receive your scare assignment.

Sincerely, Henry J. Waternoose III, CEO, Monsters, Incorporated".

(PROFESSOR KNIGHT CHUCKLES)

- I did it.

- You're gonna be a Scarer!

I'm gonna be a Scarer.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

MONSTER : I don't know what I'm gonna do now.

MONSTER : We scare because we care.

Or maybe we don't scare.

Or actually, we don't scare at all, but we do care!

- So it's true?

No more scaring?

- Do I still have a job?

Can Laugh Energy power cars, warm homes and light the city?

- You have to talk to Ms. Flint.

- (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

- We're screwed.

- Yes, ma'am.

But I don't want things to change.

Says here kids aren't toxic if you touch 'em.

What if they touch you?

I assume you still burst into flames and die of barfing, like always.

MIKE: Oh, schmoopsie-poo!

Googly Bear!

Thank goodness you're here.

- I need you to...

- Isn't this great?

The factory's still open, nobody's out of work, no angry mob, and you know the best part?

We can go back to Harryhausen's?

- Me and Sulley've been banned for life.

- CELIA: Oh...

The best part is, I get to flex my funny bone!

They're gonna have to overhaul this whole place for laughs.

Listen, you're both wanted in Waternoose's office.

- Stat.

- Waternoose?

I thought they carted that old crab away yesterday.

It's not Waternoose who wants to see you.

Boys, we need to talk.

Oh, Roz, what an unpleasant surprise.

I had a little debrief with the Board of Directors, and they wanted me to relay the news.

They're putting you two in charge.

- (CHUCKLES)

- You're kidding.

That's what I said.

But, Sullivan, you're officially the new Monsters, Inc.

CEO.

- And, Wazowski, you're the...

- Wait.

I got this.

Senior Co-President of Monsters, Incorporated.

and Chief Executive Vice-Deputy Administrative Director of Comedy Resources Management, or, SCPOMICE-VDADOCREM for short.

(GROANS)

My work here is done.

Well, adieu, Roz.

True friends never say goodbye, so...

goodbye.

Can you believe it, Sulley?

We're in charge.

You and me!

One last thing.

The Board promised to give my sister my old job.

She'll be in later.

Good luck.

She's not bubbly like me.

(LAUGHS)

That has a sister?

- Us in charge.

- (CHUCKLING)

Yeah.

You heard right, we're in charge, Floor Supervisor Celia.

- CELIA: (CHUCKLING)

What?

Really?

- Yeah, yeah.

CELIA: "Floor Supervisor"?

Me?

I thought the first order of business should be for you to get your long overdue promotion.

CELIA: Everybody, get back to work!

- I'm practicing my Floor Supervisor voice.

- (GLASS SHATTERS)

- Oh, my gosh.

I'm...

- Goodbye!

(KISSES)

I could really get into this being-in-charge thing.

Not that I'd use it for personal gain or anything.

How much do you think my raise should be?

What about a company car?

- You know, nothing...

- (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

There won't be any raise or car if we don't keep the power on.

Come on.

We need to get to the Scare Floor.

- Laugh Floor.

- "Laugh Floor".

Right, right.

And we're gonna need to find a couple hundred more funny monsters.

Plus, we're gonna need a new slogan.

Let's see...

"We clown around to power the town".

- I'm thinking, no.

- "We are funny to keep the lights runny".

Keep trying, Mikey.

Keep trying.

MIKE: Hey.

How about this one...

TYLOR: "We scare because we care".

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Mornin', coworker.

- Hey, nice cone.

First day as a Scarer.

- Hmm.

Or your last.

ANNOUNCER: (OVER PA SYSTEM)

Attention Monsters, Inc...

Wow, I can't believe I'm actually here.

(CELIA HUMMING)

Hello?

Oh.

Monsters, Incorporated.

This is Celia Mae.

I no longer answer the phones.

Goodbye.

- Hi, there.

Excuse me.

- Here's my coffee mug.

- Now here's my...

- Uh.

Tylor Tuskmon.

Official Scarer.

What?

"Scarer"?

(CHUCKLES)

No, I'm sorry, you'll have to talk to the receptionist.

- I thought...

- I'm the Floor Supervisor!

Then who's the...

Okay, thank you.

- Hi.

- (GRUNTS)

If I were Ms. Flint's office, where would I...

- (GRUNTS)

- Got it.

MS. FLINT: Take your position on the mark in front of the closet door.

Then proceed to perform your humorous dissertation or series of physical buffooneries for the artificial child.

The metrics of your performance will be measured by our humor gauge as well as our power gauge, which indicates the amount of gigglewatt energy produced.

- Is that clear?

- TYLOR: Uh, hi.

- Excuse me, Ms. Flint?

- Uh-huh.

Take a seat.

- I'll be right with you.

- Okay, got it.

Thanks.

(TED CLEARS THROAT)

Hey, there.

(CHUCKLES)

Um...

Maybe I can tell you a joke?

- (SIGHS IN EXASPERATION)

- Okay, a joke, a joke.

Uh, how do you make a monster float?

One monster, two scoops of ice cream, and some root beer.

Ta-da!

Funny!

Tickle tickle.

Four years of training at Ghoulliard.

(CHUCKLES)

Uh...

Oh.

Whoops!

Oh, I'm feeling sick.

Sorry, maybe I'm missing something.

- Um, that's Ted Pauley.

- Sorry, I broke your child.

That's one of your top Scarers.

I've had his Scare Card since I was a kid.

He's not funny.

He's scary.

Now, who are you?

You're not on my roster.

Tylor Tuskmon.

New Scarer.

It's my first day.

- Just need to get my scare assignment.

- Tuskmon.

Yes, well...

Ms. Flint, are you ready for me?

I brought a peeled banana and this flower that emits liquids and...

Yes, come in, Miss Benitez.

I'm very busy, Mr. Tuskmon, but seeing that we did hire you before the change,

- you're gonna have to report...

- "The change"?

... to new employee orientation.

NARRATOR: This is Monsters, Incorporated, where we scare because we care.

Actually, we don't scare anymore.

Now we're laugh power.

Sorry about that.

NARRATOR: Every day on each of our state-of-the-art Scare Floors...

- Laugh Floors.

- ... our elite team of Scarers...

Jokesters.

... help support the mission of our esteemed CEO's...

MR. CRUMMYHAM: No longer esteemed.

(IMITATES SLITTING THROAT)

Headed off to the big house.

- ... mission, to create scare energy...

- MR. CRUMMYHAM: Laugh.

- ... and scare power...

- Laugh.

- ... by scaring...

- Laughing!

You know, forget it.

Let's just move on.

Wait a minute.

You're saying you're no longer hiring Scarers?

What skills do you have besides scaring?

With those horns, maybe you could be a hat rack.

- No, I...

That's...

- Yeah, too tall.

No, I don't wanna be a hat rack.

Plus, you could only hold two hats.

- It's impractical.

- That's not...

- Umbrella hanger?

- Is this a joke?

Would you say you could hang forty umbrellas up there?

Is this like a prank or something?

Unfortunately, this is not a laughing matter.

Or, rather, it is a laughing matter.

My folks scrimped and saved, working in our family hardware store so that I could go to the School of Scaring.

Your parents own a hardware store?

- Yeah, but that's not the...

- Perfect!

Report to MIFT.

Door division...

Control Room A-L...

I don't see MIFT.

(HONKING)

(GASPS)

Uh...

Tylor?

- Uh...

- Tylor Tuskmon, right?

Am I right?

Those horns, dead giveaway, 'cause they're so...

- Yes.

Sorry.

Do I, uh...

- Val Little.

Monsters University.

Freshman year.

We had that Origins of Fear class together.

Yawn.

- Origins...

- Yawn.

Yeah, I guess, it was just such a large class.

You work here?

When did you graduate?

College was an interesting detour.

Too much of a commitment.

Not really the whole regimented, stuffed-shirt, college-scene type of gal.

(GAGS)

Well, what've you been up to?

Graduating from college.

- Good for you!

- Yeah, it's great.

Except for the loan debt, am I right?

Ka-ching!

For you it'd probably be like ka-ching, ka-ching!

'Cause you graduated.

For me it was like ka-ching.

And the fact that this place is no longer hiring Scarers.

I mean, I got this letter saying that I was gonna be a Scarer, but now they've assigned me to, what...

MIFT?

"MIFT"?

(GASPS)

That's where I work!

Hop in, I'll take you!

This is crazy.

I drop out of college, you graduate from college, and we both end up working at the same place.

- Cosmic.

- Well, that's one way of describing it.

Hold on, that's a Scare Floor.

- Laugh Floor now.

- Right, Laugh Floor.

Beep, beep, beep.

I removed the beeper so I could make the sound.

(CHUCKLES)

- Where are we going?

- We're going down.

Huh?

Yeah, after MU, I lived in the Scarribean for a year.

Island time.

I made wind chimes out of scream shells, didn't sell.

All that screaming...

- (MIMICKING SCREAMING)

- (ELEVATOR RUMBLES)

This happens all the time, you just gotta...

(GRUNTS)

There we go.

Then I taught shockra yoga for a while.

Found my center.

You know what's weird?

I was off-center.

I was gonna get it aligned, but by that time, I was super into competitive eating.

So, yeah, now, here I am.

Yeah!

- TYLOR: Whoa, whoa!

- Stay in the cart.

Almost there.

There's no daylight down here, but you get used to it.

These are the transfer pipes.

Miles of them.

Ooh!

- (GASPS)

- I think there's one...

- (GRUNTS)

- Yeah!

Home sweet home!

You head in.

I'll park the cart.

Beep, beep, beep, beep.

(GROWLS)

Hey, everybody, meet the new guy!

Tylor Tuskmon.

- Hi.

- We were best buds in college.

We just had that one class together.

- But it was special.

- We didn't actually speak.

Hi, everyone, just to be clear, I was told this is a temporary reassignment.

Well, we'll see about that, won't we?

I'm Fritz.

Oh, they said they were sending over a new MIFTer.

- Sorry, what exactly is "MIFT"?

- What is MIFT?

Oh, now you've done it.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Since the day Monsters, Inc.

was founded, there has been a need.

A need for a dedicated team of mechanics to nurture the intricate machinery that is the very foundation of this factory.

No matter how arduous or difficult the repair might be, MIFT is there to tighten the bolts, unclog the pipes, wrench the nut.

We embrace it with, uh...

- We embrace it with...

- With unbridled anticipation.

There you go!

Unbridled participation of what challenge lies ahead.

And at the end of the day, we each say,

- "I'm proud".

- (SPUTTERS)

"I am proud to be a member of the Monsters, Inc. Facilities Team!"

For the record, I've never actually said that.

Oh, welcome to the MIFT family.

Uh, thanks, but I'm not really family.

I could be to you like a father figure.

My father's sort of a father figure.

- A grandfather figure?

- That'd be my father's father.

How about an uncle-who's-divorced from-your-biological-aunt but-was-really-cool-so-he-keeps-in-touch and-sometimes-he-just-shows-up out-of-the-blue figure?

Sure?

You don't have my phone number.

I can get it out of your employee file.

(HUMMING)

CUTTER: Drink this.

Uh, oh, thanks.

(SLURPS AND COUGHS)

Now drink this.

(GAGS AND COUGHS)

- CUTTER: Well?

- They're both disgusting.

See?

I told ya.

You can't tell the difference between the old lubricant and the new synthetic.

- (COUGHING)

Why?

- You might want to drink plenty of water, and stay close to a bathroom.

That was Cutter.

And this is Banana Bread.

(BLOWING RASPBERRIES)

Here's the deal.

No one knows his real name.

But he brings banana bread in every morning.

Yummy scrumbos.

Hey, there.

Tylor, was it?

- TYLOR: Yeah.

- Hey.

Nice to meet you, Tylor.

Yeah, so, hey, could I just like borrow you for a sec?

Couple of things I wanna mention.

- In private.

- Sure.

Yeah.

- (GROWLS)

- Look, I get it.

First impressions, everybody seems a little bit crazy, right?

Down here where there's no daylight and the repetitive din of machinery is forever hammering into your brain.

But look, the MIFT team, they mean well, all right?

You're gonna warm up to 'em, I promise.

- I just don't really belong here.

- ... really belong here.

Yeah.

- Exactly!

- You and me, we see eye to eyes.

It's nice to finally meet somebody who gets it.

I'm sorry, I didn't get your name.

- Oh!

Hey, sorry.

The name's Duncan.

- Hi, Duncan.

But people around here refer to me as "Deputy Supervisor".

You know why?

Because when Fritz retires or dies, I'm takin' his job.

You can forget about your little "college boy" plan...

- Wait, what?

- ... of waltzing in here and taking what's rightfully mine, you understand?

- There's no...

- I'm onto your scheme.

I have no interest at all in Fritz's job.

So that's how you wanna play the game, is it?

Honestly, no games.

- I'm not playing a game.

- I'm just a pawn in the way of you becoming king.

A little itty-bitty pawn that's gonna get knocked off the board.

Ping!

What?

No, no pawn.

There's no ping!

Nothing's pinging.

I'm onto you.

I'm onto you.

Okay.

So if there's nothing else, I'm gonna...

(WHISPERS)

Onto you.

You.

- (BLOWHORN SOUNDING)

- (VAL CHUCKLES)

Okay, I give up.

Who's "David"?

You are!

I didn't have enough time to make a new sign.

Oh, David.

David got his horn caught in the door track, was pulled into a shredder shaft, never saw him again.

I did find some hair.

We keep it in a jar next to the memory candle.

Good ol' Davey.

I miss you, buddy.

I miss ya.

I was his uncle figure, too.

I can't find the words to tell you all how much I appreciate being a part of this whole MIFT cult-thing you've got going on here.

In fact, you guys all just stay here.

Don't follow me.

I'll go get the appreciation donuts.

(GRUNTS)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(SIGHS WEARILY)

(SIGHS)

- Whoa!

Nice sh*t.

- Shut up, Smitty.

Can't you see he wants to be alone?

He's depressed.

Why's he depressed?

If you're a scary monster like him, now what do you do?

Unless you can make a kid laugh, you got no future.

SMITTY: That's depressing.

NEEDLEMAN: Shut up!

He can still hear you.

SMITTY: You shut up!

"Make a kid laugh..."

CELIA: (OVER PA SYSTEM)

Two hours remaining in the Central Zone.

Two hours remaining.

MIKE: Heya, Fungus.

Thanks for keepin' me on, Mr. Wazowski.

(CHUCKLES)

MIKE: No problem.

But you missed out on a ride in my car.

(GRUNTS AND YELPS)

Did Ms.

Flint send you?

Oh, uh, well, I did see her earlier today, so...

Perfect!

If you're Ms.

Flint approved, then get in here.

I'll get him a door, pronto.

Fungus?

Come on, time is funny.

Wait a second!

Could that be the new slogan?

Keep trying, Mikey.

Keep trying.

Door is active.

Just make the kid laugh.

(SCOFFS)

Shouldn't be too hard.

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

(FLOORBOARD CREAKING)

Hi!

- (WHIMPERING)

- Hey there, little guy.

Uh, you ready to laugh?

(WHIMPERS AND CRIES)

No!

(SHUSHES)

- No!

No, no, no...

- (GLASS SHATTERS)

- (CAR ALARM BLARING)

- MAN: I think there is somebody breaking into my car!

TYLOR: Where'd you go?

- WOMAN: Seriously, your car?

- TYLOR: No!

- (YELPS)

- Hey, come here!

Hey, how about this one?

- (CHILD CRYING)

- "Our jokeage gives you voltage!"

- What do ya think?

- I'm thinking, no.

(CHILD CRYING)

"You're in good company with our company"?

Goochi-goochi...

(SCREAMS)

TYLOR: Oh!

(GRUNTS)

(SCREAMING)

- CELIA: No!

- Watch out!

(MIKE AND TYLOR SCREAM)

- Run!

Get out of the way!

- (SCREAMS)

SULLEY: Watch out!

- (CHILD SCREAMING)

- Oh!

- A kid!

A kid!

- (SCREAMING)

No, no, no!

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMING)

- (SCREAMING)

- No, wait!

- (SCREAMS)

- (WHIMPERING)

Little kid, little boy!

Gotcha.

♪ Rock-a-bye baby in the tree tops ♪

♪ When the wind blows your nose fills with snot ♪

So sorry.

We're shutting down Laugh Floor F, activating Laugh Floor G.

I'll need to transfer Sanderson and Phlegm...

(SIGHS)

I am so sorry, Mr. Sullivan.

Mr. Wazowski.

I, uh, appreciate the opportunity that I have completely blown.

You'll never see me again.

Hold it!

You're Tylor Tuskmon, aren't you?

Uh, yes, I am.

How did you know?

Who do you think recommended you for the job?

You graduated top of your class.

Even broke my record in the simulation room.

Ah, yeah.

Well...

What can I say?

I seem to be pretty good at breaking things lately.

- It's been a rough day for all of us.

- Yep.

- Everything's changing.

- Laugh power instead of scare power.

Me and Mike in charge.

And I guess they're gonna have to change the ol' MU School of Scaring to the College of Comedy.

Comedy college.

Right!

Sulley, you're a genius.

And seeing that I am the official SCPOMICE-VDADOCREM, I'm making an executive decision to begin Monsters, Inc.

Comedy Classes, featuring Professor Me!

I'll teach all you scary monsters how to be funny.

- TYLOR: What?

- 'Cause I know what it's like once you've stepped across that line.

You'd do anything to be on this floor.

So I actually have a chance of becoming a Jokester?

Mike and I, we worked our way up from the mailroom.

So anything's possible.

No more scaring.

Now it's, uh, laughter you're after.

Bingo!

Our new slogan.

"It's Laughter We're After".

ROZE: Wazowski!

Roz?

The name's Roze.

Wake me up, Sulley, I'm having a horrible nightmare.

One where you actually smell things.

They just delivered the new kid's hat and ID.

- And from now on, call me Sulley.

- And call me Mike.

Whoa, what happened here?

Sure know how to make an impression.

Where'd you go?

I thought you were getting us appreciation donuts.

(WHISPERS)

Remember, I'm onto you.

Tylor, welcome to Monsters, Incorporated.

(SIGHS IN RELIEF)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

ROZE: Keep watching.

Always keep watching.

(CHUCKLES)