01x07 - Permadeath

[bunniefuu]

Someone has taken control of the Masked Man.

A non-playable character has become playable.

First, he was giving out thousands of dollars in loot.

Then he k*lled me, which he's not supposed to be able to do.

And now he's disappeared.

This has never happened before in the history of gaming.

Yeah. Pretty awesome, huh?

-What? -"Awesome"?

No. Ian, it is not awesome. We've been hacked.

People's personal information, their credit cards, their passwords.

-They've all been compromised. -Nobody cares about that.

-It's not a big deal. -It is a massive deal.

How do you not understand?

Hundreds of corporations have been hacked in the last few years

-and no one gave a sh*t. -Name one.

Equifax.

-Name another. -Target.

-Name another one. -PlayStation.

-Name one more. -Yahoo.

-Another. -Marriott.

-One more. -eBay, Uber, Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield, Home Depot, Facebook.

g*dd*mn it. Fine. We get it.

UPS, Chase Bank, Tumblr, LinkedIn, AOL.

Ian.

People don't care about privacy. What they care about is a good story.

A good story? What are you talking about?

Maybe this breach is a golden opportunity for us.

It's a classic story between good and evil.

This could be the biggest event in the history of Mythic Quest.

This could be the end of Mythic Quest.

David's right. This could be the end of Mythic Quest. This is a huge deal.

I'm sorry. I'm confused.

-You just said it wasn't a big deal. -Yes.

-Now you're saying it's a huge deal? -Yes.

Am I crazy? You just argued the exact opposite point, like, 30 seconds ago.

That's what being a leader is. You have to go a thousand miles in one direction, then on a moment's notice, turn on a dime, come back the opposite direction.

Then everybody else must adapt.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That is completely right. Or wrong.

You see, we're all on the same page. Or we're not.

What is happening here? What is this?

Ian and I are obviously seeing eye-to-eye, and you're not.

That's why I'm over here and you're there.

I might change my mind in 35 seconds, and then he's gonna have to adapt to that.

-I pivot. -See?

Okay. You know what? Do whatever you want.

Just do whatever you want. Or, minutes later, do the exact opposite.

I don't care anymore. This place is in--

This place is ins--

Oh, you're doing the coughing thing again?

You got a cough? You gotta cough over-- You know what? This place is insane.

-Can we do my plan? -Yeah.

"Pivot." I'll show you pivot.

Hi. I'm just trying to reach Dan Williams.

If I can leave a message--

Oh, Dan, it's you. Hi.

Well, in that case, I accept your offer.

Oh, it's Poppy. It's Poppy Li.

Yeah, no, I did think I said that.

Boom!

Bye-bye, boss man. You just got your ass kicked by Wyld_D.

Fifty-two subscribers? Why are you so boring?

The Blazing Blade...

You're not even looking at the right camera.

...of Maximum Immolation, lation, lation.

What?

Sick, right?

That's it for me today. The next person to subscribe gets a shout-out.

Please, dear God, pick a camera and stick with it.

Anybody?

Pathetic.

Okay. That's fine.

Oh, my God!

Wyld_D.

Hey. Caught the feed.

So you're the one person watching.

Oh, come on. It's not that bad.

I feel like a failure.

Hey, come on. You didn't fail. You're just new at this.

You know, loosen up a little bit.

Talk to them like you talk to me. You know?

And this lipstick, it's just-- It's not you, you know?

And where are your cute glasses you wear?

Brad told me not to wear them. He says they're too dorky.

Yeah, they're dorky, but so are you.

You know? That's why it's perfect.

Just be yourself and people will find you.

You got this.

The tension was thick.

You could hear a pin drop.

And then Ian turns and he looks at us in the eye, and he says--

Ian says, "I agree with David."

Wow. I wish I could have seen that.

Or anything that happens upstairs.

You guys have such fun. I wish I could see some of that or daylight.

So I ask him-- I told him--

To do a livestream, you know?

Get out in front of it. Apologize to the players.

Assure them their data is safe. Just nip it in the bud.

That's what you gotta do, man. You know? End it immediately.

Well, that is such a relief.

You know, I am so glad that you reassured our players, 'cause, you know, they're gonna be pretty steamed that their personal information was compromised, which I understand 'cause I have been doxed many times by our players.

-I don't know how they get my social-- -Sue, the livestream's about to start, so maybe we could just cue it up on the computer there and...

Now, get ready to watch the great Ian Grimm dance to a little tune written by Maestro David Brittlesbee.

Good morning. As some of you have no doubt noticed, the Masked Man has been acting strangely.

He's been interfering with gameplay, pillaging loot and disappearing altogether.

You're probably wondering, "Why would Mythic Quest do this to one of its most beloved NPCs?"

Now, that's a fair question. And it's time that you knew the truth.

We are no longer in control. We've been hacked.

And I'm not gonna lie to you. They got everything.

It's bad. Real bad. But that's not what's important.

What is important is that I have a message to deliver to whomever has taken control of the Masked Man.

Fight me.

"Fight me"? Oh, that is a good line, maestro.

-That's not my line. -That's right. I challenge you to a duel, whoever you are.

If I win, you will relinquish control of the Masked Man.

But if you win, you will have defeated me at my own creation.

What is he doing? What is he doing?

You will become the alpha of Mythic Quest, and I will be but a lowly beta bitch.

At least I don't have to rein him in anymore.

If you want to prove you're not a coward, meet me Friday, 8:00 p.m. at the coliseum in the Masked Man's Hall of Games and Chance.

Oh, sh*t. Casino plug.

-No, no, no. -Masked Man, I will see you on the b*ttlefield.

This ends here. Grimm... out.

Ian's gonna fight the Masked Man?

Cool ending. How'd you come up with that?

I didn't. He did. Without me.

Alas, I'm tasting the bitter hemlock... of betrayal.

This is a total nightmare.

Yup. Yeah, that's Montreal. That's Montreal calling.

-Wow. You get bars down here? -Hell, what do I say to them?

Oh, the last time that my phone number was published online, I just went to my sister Jackie's for a couple days, you know, until the whole thing blew over.

Watched Dancing with the Stars a bunch. So--

I don't have a sister Jackie. I don't have a brother.

I grew up an only child. It was a very lonely existence.

So I don't have anyone to call.

sh*t.

I've defeated you, Masked Man.

And now I will reveal your identity to the world.

Hold up. Why are you being so nice to him?

It's supposed to be a noble moment. You want me to call him names?

Yes. Yeah, call him a sex pest. That's a big insult in Australia.

I don't think he's gonna be Australian, but I appreciate the enthusiasm and I love the term.

-It's good, right? -Yeah.

Ian, what are you doing?

Oh, hey, Jo. We're making a cutscene for the big moment when I reveal the Masked Man's identity.

Yeah, I can see that. Why are you doing it with her?

Hi, Jo! How's it lookin'?

Weird and unnatural and against God.

Maybe we should swap out.

-No, actually, it's feeling pretty good. -Yeah.

You know what? Could you grab me a water?

Unbelievable.

What is going on?

Ian replaced me with that Australian sex pest.

-Ian? -Hey, Dave!

Hey, just wondering, I saw that you challenged a cyber criminal to a fight.

And just wondering if you thought about the ramifications of that.

What happens if you lose and whatnot.

-Yes, I don't think it would go very well. -No.

I would probably be humiliated in front of millions of people, and it would ruin my reputation.

And I might even lose my job.

Yeah. But, David, you're not seeing the upside here.

Oh, I'm not? I'm sorry, Poppy. What's the upside?

The upside is that if he wins, he's gonna look like even more of a hero than he already does, which I thought was impossible, and yet here we are.

It's not impossible. It's not impossible.

I'm loving this new Poppy. I don't know what's going on, but I'm diggin' it.

Poppy, you're supposed to be the reasonable one.

Yeah, I'm tired of being reasonable.

Today, I decided to jump on the crazy train. Honk-honk!

That's a truck, you stupid--

Jo. Jo. I got this. Okay? I've got this under control.

Have you lost your f*cking minds? Okay?

We have an unknown entity in our system, leaving us vulnerable.

We have to shut this guy down--

David, if we're gonna find and track this hacker, then we need him to sign on again as the Masked Man.

He hasn't logged in in days.

Ian's plan is actually a pretty smart way to get him to do that.

And besides, I never get to do fun stuff like this.

No one ever wants to cap my mo. It's fun!

Jesus Christ.

That is if he logs in. Why would he announce himself like that?

I'm banking on the fact that this guy probably has a massive ego.

Like a big enough ego to where he would agree to do something as stupid as this in the first place.

And he doesn't even see the irony of what he just said. It's f*cking wild!

Do you understand that this could be the end of Mythic Quest?

Or it could launch Ian into the stratosphere, making him the god he already assumes himself to be.

-She gets it. -It's just bananas.

-Hey! Pop, I'm lovin' it. -Hey!

-We're gonna take this assh*le down! -Let's do it.

You're not even his assistant!

Jo. Jo. I have this, okay? I have this.

Oh, great. Montreal. That's Montreal calling.

Ian? Can you please talk to corporate and let them know I have nothing to do with this thing?

David, I don't do phones anymore. I haven't held a phone in six months.

Yeah, not anymore? Okay.

He doesn't do phones, David. What the f*ck?

Great. I got it. I got Montreal.

Jo. I need you-- Jo? Jo!

Hey. So speaking of being good at the game, you are, right?

-What do you mean? -You're good at playing the game.

Of course I am.

Pop, I'm not one of those creative directors who doesn't play his own game.

I can b*at anyone, anytime, any--

-Fire rain! -Fire rain!

Gnome is defeated.

How are you so bad at this?

Pop, it's just this shitty gnome character. It sucks.

Where's the white knight avatar with my face on it that you promised me?

I am making him.

But you're not ready for him. You have to earn him.

Let's go again. But this time, no magic.

That fire rain spell is way too OP.

The fire rain spell was your idea.

You woke up from a nap, came to a meeting, said, "Fire rain."

Then you walked out the door, and I spent several weeks implementing it.

That is ringing some bells.

And it is a very cool spell. But I don't wanna play with it, all right?

In the vanilla version, we had a dagger and a loincloth, you know?

And that's what I crushed at.

For someone who loves vanilla so much, you spend a lot of your time coming up with toppings.

I can't help it when the ideas come to me, Poppy.

They just sort of come, you know?

Honestly, sometimes it can get a little overwhelming, and I just wish that they would slow down.

That's my own failing.

Sure. Sure.

You know what? Usually, I hate this dynamic, but today I'm nostalgic for it.

Why not? I'm gonna train you.

I love it when you're bad at stuff.

-Jo. Jo? -What?

-What the hell are you doing in here? -Drinking.

I have been abandoned by my closest friend and collaborator, a man I would have been proud to call my father.

Yeah, and I--

Wait, you think of Ian as a father? That's weird.

-That is weird. -Because so do I.

That is so disturbing and confusing on so many levels for completely different--

You know what? I don't have time to get into it.

Jacques and Jean-Luc won't stop calling me.

I need you to tell them that I'm too busy handling the situation to talk.

That'll buy me time until I figure how to control Ian.

-But you can't control Ian. -I know that, Jo!

But I don't want them to know that. Do you understand?

That's them. Okay, here. Answer it.

You should do it, David.

Otherwise, they're just gonna walk all over you like they always have.

This is your moment to support creative.

You know what? You're right.

Maybe I should stand up to them and support creative.

Or I could hide out here. Yeah.

C.W., what are we drinking?

Fortified port wine mixed with drip coffee and three teaspoons of sugar.

I call it the "Rutger Hauer."

g*dd*mn it, why couldn't you just have a normal drink, man?

Bottoms up.

-Okay. -Press here. Hit.

-Hey, Danimorphs, it's your girl, Wyld_D. -Damn it.

We got three days left until the big fight, y'all, and I am pumped. Who's gonna win?

I wanna hear from you.

Vote in my poll below or chat it up. I want to see your comments.

Yes. That's better.

Okay, personally, my money's on Ian because I hear his fight camp is top-notch.

Damn it!

Damn it!

It's gonna be a tough setting for the fight.

There's no terrain for cover, so they're gonna have to fight fast and dirty.

Don't take my shoe!

The question is, is he gonna show?

We haven't heard or seen from the MM since the gauntlet was thrown.

Will this be the greatest live event in MQ history?

The glasses are working?

Or will the mysterious hacker never return?

Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!

Hey, can I get another controller, please?

Bring all the controllers! Just all of them!

Yeah, that's it. That's it.

Less than 24 hours until the big day, y'all.

-Yes, yes, yes, keep going here. -Strike, strike.

-That was better though, right? -It was so much better.

Let's go again.

The anticipation is k*lling me. Okay? I cannot sleep.

And the way you've all been lighting up my comments section, I can tell I'm not the only one.

Strike. Head strike.

-Body blow. Strike. -No, no, no.

-Yes! -Gnome is victorious.

Yes! I did it! I m*rder*d you!

-You m*rder*d the sh*t out of me! -Oh, my God.

-Am I ready? -Yeah. You're ready.

Brazzah! Happy fight night.

Hey. You seem abnormally happy.

Ian's doing something reckless and stupid.

Usually you'd be trying to stop him.

Ian's gonna do what he's gonna do, and I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do.

Well, the good news is the player numbers are through the roof.

Not just new ones. Older accounts have been renewed.

I mean, Ian was right. People love this story.

So if he wins, this could be the biggest day in the history of the game.

Or he will lose, and we will be the laughingstock of the gaming industry.

Either way, hoot-hoot!

You're happy. You're confident.

-Is it because you think Ian's gonna win? -Sure.

-Okay. You wanna bet on it? -Yeah. Okay.

Not money. Hair.

-You want my hair? -It's not for me.

Let's just do money.

Fine.

Should I report that?

Hey.

Hey, Pop. I just watched the new wire-frame for the unmasking and it is going to blow them away.

-You ready to catch this assh*le? -Yep.

As soon as he logs on, I should be able to get his IP address.

Then I just cross-reference with our online services so I can identify his user account.

If there's a vulnerability in his system--

Then we will be triumphant.

Yeah.

But you know what the best part of this has been?

What?

You and me doing it together.

Old Ian and Poppy, you know, like the old days.

No fear, no anxiety.

You were happy.

Yeah. Yeah, I guess I was.

So, Poppy Li, did I earn my white knight?

Yes. I finished him this morning.

He's the most sophisticated character rig I've ever made.

Complete with AI-trained animation cycles. So, try not to get him disemboweled.

Anyway... it's done.

f*ckin'-A, it is.

It's fight day, guys.

Ian Grimm has entered the arena, and it looks like he is ready to rumble.

It's a winner-take-all battle between Ian and the Masked Man.

And the crowd is going nuts.

Unmitigated tripe.

A mob of imbeciles witnessing a slapdash tale and applauding its thoughtless ending.

Cheer up, C.W. When the Masked Man's identity is revealed, everyone's gonna care because of you.

Wrong.

The pacing is ruined. There's no dramatic through line.

And no matter who he turns out to be, it won't be compelling, because we have no emotional attachment to him.

Or "her." It could be a woman.

Don't kick me while I'm down.

Thank you all for being here on this momentous occasion.

And I'd also like to say thank you and welcome to the millions of Mythic Quest fans from around the globe who are watching online.

Now, normally, I am one for speeches.

But today, I came to fight.

Yeah!

Yeah! You the man, Ian!

Love you, Ian!

Let's do this.

And now the wait is on. Will the Masked Man show?

Oh, God. They're calling again.

Come on, David. Just answer it.

If Ian wins, you'll look like a hero for backing creative.

Don't you see, Jo? I'm finished either way.

I've lost control of the situation.

Masked Man, come forth and face me. Or did you lose your spine?

Holy sh*t. It's him.

Yes.

Well, hello, Masked Man. Welcome.

Hello, Ian Grimm. Ready to lose everything?

I knew you'd show. Let's end this.

And here we go!

Get ready to taste the steel of my blade, Masked Man.

The sorcerer's fire of Mordoff shall burn your flesh for eternity.

For Mythic Quest!

Sic semper tyrannis!

This is the dorkiest bullshit I've ever seen.

Ian takes it to the Masked Man first!

Combo after combo after combo! b*at his ass!

Holy sh*t. That was pretty good.

How the hell did the Masked Man charge his ult so fast?

Oh, sh*t. Ian, no, he has access to the entire spell-casting tree. Ian!

-sh*t. -This is not gonna be good.

-Activate Kyanite Shield. He's gonna use-- -Fire rain.

Had enough, Grimm?

Ian is only seconds away from being embarrassed on the biggest stage of his own game.

All right. You know what? Screw this.

What is he doing?

Ian's white knight is dropping all of his weapons? Is this on purpose?

You may be able to defeat me with your special armor and your high-powered spells, Masked Man, and you may call that a victory.

But to me, the truest, purest form of Mythic Quest has always been this.

What are you doing?

-I'm gettin' buck naked. -Why?

Oh, sh*t! He gone vanilla style.

Ian is down to nothing but a loincloth.

And there goes the loincloth.

I can b*at you in any style, Grimm.

I can't even believe what I'm seeing. The Masked Man is stripping down too.

-What is happening? -This is amazing.

You're supposed to take off your loincloth too.

-I'm not doing that. -Come on. The crowd will love it.

-No. It's weird. -It's not weird. It's primal.

Why would I wanna be naked in a Kn*fe fight?

-So you're scared. -Scared really has nothing to do with it.

Whatever. Let's just get on with it.

This is some caveman sh*t.

I've tracked him down. Holy sh*t.

Ian, I got him.

-He's gonna do it. -Cut his f*cking heart out, Dad!

Yes!

Yes, Ian!

-He did it! -Yes!

Yes! He did it! Yes! Yes, he did it!

-He pulled it out of the old bag. -He sure did.

-Not such a twat after all. -He really is though.

What are you gonna do, David?

It's time to pay the piper, I guess.

Well, it was fun while it lasted.

-Bonjour. -Don't "bonjour" me, you idiot!

-Yes. -How f*cking stupid can you be?

Yeah, I'm-I'm sorry about that.

I've actually been sick, so--

What does Ian Grimm think he is doing?

Yeah. And again, I'm sorry, 'ca--

You know what? I'm not sorry. And I'm not sick.

In fact, you should be thanking me, because another executive producer would have never allowed this to happen.

But I did.

I just oversaw the most historic day in the history of MQ because I backed creative. My way.

You know what I'm gonna do right now?

I'm gonna go back, and I'm gonna celebrate with my team.

And if you don't like it, you can come down here and you can French-kiss my d*ck!

David, that was badass! I have never heard you talk like that before.

Jo, I believe that was Rutger Hauer talking.

Yeah.

-Poppy, do you have him? -I got him.

Hit it.

You have bested me. I am not long for this realm.

You fought valiantly, but now, Masked Man, I reveal your identity!

-Why is the camera on? -Oh, my God.

What the f*ck? Hold up.

Pootie Shoe's the Masked Man.

Et tu, Poo-tay?

I did not see that coming.

Really? I did. So obvious.

Cut the Wi-Fi router, Mom! Mom?

He's not a little piece of sh*t.

He's a huge piece of sh*t.

Surprisingly brilliant.

You know what? f*ck you, Grimm! f*ck you all!

That's gotta be a pretty satisfying ending, right?

Poppy! Poppy!

What an amazing event.

I want to thank the hundreds of thousands of people that tuned in for the most epic day in MQ history.

Yeah!

-Hey! -Yeah!

All right! Boom! Yeah.

-Pop. -This is incredible.

Come on.