01x12 - Summerween

[bunniefuu]

-(BRAKES SCREECH) -(ALL EXCLAIM)

Here we are. The Summer-ween Superstore.

-Wait. Summer what? -Summerween!

The people of this town love Halloween so much, they celebrate it twice a year.

And wouldn't you know it, it's today!

Do you always carry that calendar in your pocket?

-Yes. -Summerween?

Something about this feels unnatural.

There's free candy.

BOTH: To the costume aisle!

I'd lend you a hand, but I don't seem to have any!

(CACKLING)

(LAUGHS) This guy tells it like it is.

Sir? Could please stop pushing that?

Ma'am, make these heads less hilarious and you got yourself a deal.

-(HEAD CACKLES) -(HUFFS)

When the children come to my door tonight, they're gonna run away screaming from Stan Pines, Master of Fright!

-Boo! -(BABY CRIES)

(LAUGHS)

-(CACKLING) -(BABY CRYING)

Uh!

Uh-oh. I think this one's leaking!

Have the police come and eject the Pines family from the store.

Not today!

MY eyes!

You paid for this stuff, right?

Of course!

I hate Summerween.

STAN: Let's move!

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(ow|. HOOTING)

MABEL: I am so excited!

We're gonna have the best costumes, get the most candy...

And have the biggest stomach aches ever!

-Yeah! -(CHUCKLES) Yeah!

Dude, I've never seen you guys so pumped!

Well, back at home, me and Dipper were kind of the kings of trick-or-treating.

Twins in costumes, the people eat it up.

Well, you dudes better be careful out there.

It's a night of ghouls and goblins.

Not to mention... The Summerween Trickster!

The Summer what, what-what?

The trickster goes door to door, so the legend goes, eating children who lack the Summerween spirit.

Well, you don't have to worry about us. We've got spirit to go around.

(HACKING AND COUGHING)

Oh, what is this stuff? I've never even heard of these brands.

Sand Pop? Gummy Chairs? Mr. Adequate-Bar?

MABEL: This is all cheap-o loser candy!

Quiet your discontent, children, lest the Trickster overhear.

Your cape is caught in your fly, Soos.

Touche. (CHOMPING)

Goodbye, loser candy.

(SINISTER BREATHING)

(DOORBELL RINGS)

STAN: Trick or treaters! Quick! Give them that terrible candy!

Happy Summerw...(GASPS)

"Sun. Squirt? 'Rev. Dipper!

Wendy! Ha-ha-ha. Ow.

(STUTTERS) What's up, guys?

Ugh. I left my jacket here, again.

Hey, what's with the candy?

You going trick-or-treating or something?

Well, actually, I...uh...

Shut up, Robbie, of course he's not going trick-or-treating.

No, yeah. Uh... (NERVOUS CHUCKLE)

Trick-or-treating is for babies! I guess...

You should come to this party with us.

Tambry's parents are out of town and it's gonna be off the chain.

Not surprised you didn't hear about it.

Hey, guys, wait! Maybe I'll see you at the party!

If you're not too busy playing dress-up.

-(GROANS) -It's at 9:00! Don't forget!

(SIGHS)

What am I gonna tell Mabel?

(DISTANT WOLF HOWLS)

Grunkle Stan, these are my best friends, Candy and Grenda!

I am so sweet I could eat myself.

(MANLY VOICE) Hello, Mr. Pines.

You got a cold, honey?

Something wrong with your voice there?

What do you mean? Why would you say that?

Is Waddles coming with us?

I wish he could, but he's got some very important meetings to attend.

(OINKING)

File these documents under "I," for "I have a curly tail!"

(ALL LAUGHING)

What about your brother?

Oh, man, guys, just wait until you see Dipper's costume!

It's amazing! Here he comes now!

That is a very good Dipper costume.

What the hey-hey, bro-bro? Where's your costume?

Look, I can't go trick-or-treating. I'm, uh, really sick!

(COUGHING)

Must have been that bad candy. You go on without me.

Fight through it, man! Where's your Summerween spirit?

(POUNDING ON DOOR)

Trick or treat!

Dude. Really? You're a little old for this, man. Sorry.

But wait, I...

Why'd you close the door?

I told you, Mabel.

I'm just not feeling it tonight. (COUGHING)

I think a little trick-or-treating will make you feel better.

-I'm not trick-or-treating! -(POUNDING ON DOOR)

Look, man, just go to another house!

Dipper! Where's your Summerween hospitality?

-I'm not getting that. -Well, I am!

I apologize for my brother.

He came down with a case of the grumpy-grumps.

Silence! You have insulted me!

And for this you must pay, with your lives!

Oh! What a cute little mask! You're a funny guy, aren't you?

Funny, am I?

Trick or treat! My name 'rs Gurney!

Ahhh!

Remember me!

-(ALL SCREAM) -Gorney!

There's only one way for you to avoid his fate.

I need a treat.

If you can collect 500 pieces of candy and bring it to me before the last jack-0'-melon goes out, (BLOWS)

I will let you live.

500 treats in one night? That's impossible!

The choice is yours, children.

You must trick or treat...

Or die!

(SINISTER LAUGHTER)

Oh, my Gosh, Mabel, do you know what this means?

I do.

It means you have to come trick-or-treating! Yay!

Who was that guy?

It's the legend Soos told us about! It's true!

What do we do? What do we do?

What's going on out here, dudes? I heard a ruckus. (CHUCKLES)

-That's a funny word, ruckus. -Soos!

A monster is making us trick or treat, or else he's gonna eat us!

I got a picture...

The Summerween Trickster! Oh, man, dude!

You guys are in crazy bonkers trouble!

How are we gonna get that much candy in one night?

There's no way!

Listen up, people!

Now, some might say that being cursed by a bloodthirsty holiday monster is a bad thing.

I wet myself.

But that monster messed with the wrong crew!

With Candy's spirit, Grenda's strength, Dipper's brains, (AWKWARDLY) and Soos here, we'll get 500 pieces of candy, and have fun doing it, too!

Even if it takes all night!

-Yeah! Awesome! -Trick or treat! Trick or treat!

To the streets!

All night? But I'm sick, remember? (COUGHING)

Dipper, what's worse?

Getting eaten by a horrifying monster or going trick-or-treating with us!

-Well... -Come on!

Ahhh!

Ah. Summerween.

Those kids aren't gonna know what hit 'em!

(CACKLING)

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Trick or treat!

What can I do for... Oh, no! No!

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(LAUGHING) Huh?

Can we have candy now?

What's the matter with you kids?

That was the scariest thing you've ever seen, right?

Well, have you seen this? (SCREAMING)

Guts! Real, very real guts!

Uh...We've been watching horror movies since we were, like, two years old.

Yeah, we're not scared.

Oh, you will be.

You will be.

-(INDISTINCT CHATTER) -BOY: Trick or treat!

For glory, my children! Charge!

-(SCREAMING) -You make a great me!

No, you make a great me!

-No, you do. -(BOTH CHUCKLE)

I don't understand why we can't just buy our candy and be done with it.

That sort of takes the fun out of "Trick-or-treat or die."

I'm trying to take the "Die" out of "Trick-or-treat or die."

-(DOORBELL RINGS) -Trick or treat!

Well, aren't you just the cutest.

And is everyone in costume? Oh, good! Wonderful!

ALL: Happy Summerween!

ALL: Trick or treat!

And is everybody in costume?

Chimney sweep, Elephant man, Squeegee, Ant farm.

Oh. And what are you supposed to be?

Actually I'm not dressed up as anything. We're kind of in a hurry here.

Oh. I see.

Enjoy!

One piece of black licorice?

Circus peanut? This is loser candy!

Four pieces of candy? This is gonna take forever!

We've gotta up our game, Dipper! You gotta put on your costume!

I told you! I'm not up to it, Mabel! (COUGHS)

MONSTER: Oh, really?

-(GROANING) -Hmm.

I've seen better.

Tick-tuck.

(BLOWS)

So what was that about being too sick to wear a costume?

(SIGHS)

BOTH: We want candy! We want candy!

All right! You got me, kids! You guys win.

I guess I'm not that scary, you know.

You've... You've... Oh, no!

(SCREAMING AND SQUEALING)

IWhy? Why is there a pig Jumping out of my chest?

-Candy. -Candy.

What scares you two freaks?

Here, watch this.

What? What is this? Some kind of... Some kind of kitten or...

(SCREAMS)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(GASPING)

What happened to you, Stan Pines? What happened?

Introducing, for the first time in public, ta-da! Peanut butter and jelly!

ALL: Aww!

-I will make you Internet famous. -(CAMERA CLICKS)

Hey. Erase that! Let's just get this over with, okay?

ALL: Over with! Over with!

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Do you really think this will make a difference?

(GRUNTS)

(SCATTING)

BOTH: Twins!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Let's get that candy, guys!

Thirty-four, thirty-five...

-Thirty-six. You see, because... -Yeah, I get it.

Twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four. A hundred and twenty-four!

(BLOWS)

Come on, come on.

(DOORBELLS RING)

-Hello. -(ALL SHRIEKING)

What a horrible mask!

That's just my face! This is a mask!

Ohh!

(OVERLAPPING CHATTER) Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

SOOS: That's actually better.

(SIGHS)

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Four ninety-eight, four ninety-nine! We did it!

(ALL CELEBRATING)

All we need is one more piece of candy!

And it's only 8:30! Perfect timing!

Oh! Yeah. And your cough went away, too!

Dude, I'm gonna go around and grab the truck. Soos away!

Last one to the final house is a pair of wax lips!

Not me! No!

Ah. The perfect time to go to Wendy's party and no one needs to know I was trick-or-treating.

(PANICKY GASPING)

Hey, Dipper!

Oh. Hey, Wendy. What's up?

-Are you coming to the party? -What are you doing out here?

Oh. I'm on my way. I like watching the trick-or-treaters.

Reminds me of when I was a kid. (SNIFFLES)

Okay, then, you're coming, right?

Definitely. Definitely.

Cool. See you there!

Later, gllYs!

You're going to a party?

(STUTTERS) Well, hey, 1... Ahhh!

That's why you were acting so weird and trying to hurry us!

You're not sick at all!

So if it wasn't for this crazy monster, you were gonna ditch me!

On our favorite holiday!

(BOTH GASP)

What happened to the Dipper who used to love Halloween?

And where's all the candy?

Relax, relax, I left it right here, behind this bush!

-Oh, no. -(ALL GASPING)

-What did you do? -(STAMMERS)

Uh... Guys...

MABEL: Oh, no! All the jack-o-melons are out!

Look!

(CACKLING)

Good night.

-(INHALING) -(ALL GASPING)

-Stop! -What?

No, no, no. Don't! Don't! Don't! Don't do it! Don't do it!

Huh? What's happening?

Just don't blow out that candle!

What?

Don't blow out that candle!

I'm Old Man McGucket! (INHALES)

-Wait! -Sorry!

(MONKEY-LIKE SOUNDS)

Whoo. That was close!

(ALL SIGHING)

Uh-oh.

Knock, knock.

So, children.

Where's my candy?

I swear! We had all 500 pieces!

Look! It's down there somewhere. We can still get it!

I'm afraid it's too late. That was your last chance.

(LAUGHING)

Go! Go! Go!

(SINISTER LAUGHTER)

(SHRIEKS)

(SCREAMS)

-Dipper! -Mabel!

(MONSTROUS LAUGHTER)

(SHRIEKING)

-(GROANS) -We're alive! Yeah!

-Whoa! -BOTH: Soos!

That wasn't, like, a regular pedestrian, was it?

It was the monster!

Thanks, Soos. Whew, I'm just glad it's over. Right?

Did everyone remember to put on their seat belts?

ALL: Yes!

Let's go!

Hey. Are you okay?

There are probably some bandages back at the Shack.

Uh...

Guys!

(ROARING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(SINISTER LAUGHTER)

Brakes! Brakes! Brakes!

-(TIRES SQUEALING) -(ALL SHOUTING)

(COUGHS AND GASPS)

We have to hide!

It's blocking the only exit.

(WHISPERS) Everyone, stay quiet.

Oh. Now, you're worried about the monster.

I thought all you cared about was Wendy.

Mabel, you know that's not true.

I felt like I was getting a little too old to go trick-or-treating.

That's exactly why we need to go trick-or-treating, Dipper.

We're getting older, there's not that many Halloweens left!

(SIGHS)

I guess I didn't realize it was already our last one.

(MONSTROUS ROAR)

-We have to escape. -What if it sees us?

If only there was something we could use to cover our bodies and faces with.

You know, like a disguise of some kind.

(MONSTROUS BREATHING)

DIPPER: This way!

Almost there. Soos!

Stop!

Soos! Don't you dare!

Sorry, dude. Today's been way stressful.

I need some levity.

Oh, thank goodness. It was out of batteries.

-Soos! No! -(GASPS)

(STRAINS)

No matter the score, I'm always ahead!

(CACKLING)

(GUFFAWS)

This cackling head's the voice of a generation.

(GROWLS)

(CACKLING)

DIPPER: Hey, monster!

Ahhh!

-(GRUNTS) '(CLAN KS)

Salt water taffy? Gross!

What are you... Wait, it is.

You really haven't figured it out yet?

Ahhh!

Don't you recognize me? Look at my face!

Look closely.

(BOTH GASP)

Loser candy!

That's right. Did you ever stop and think about the candy at the bottom of the bag, that no one likes?

Every year, the children of Gravity Falls throw away all of the "Rejected candy" into the dump.

So I seek revenge.

Revenge on the picky children who cast me aside.

I am made of every tossed piece of black licorice, every discarded bar of old chocolate with, like, that white powder stuff on it. You know that stuff?

I hate that stuff!

No one would eat me, but now, I'm going to eat you.

-(BOTH SCREAM) -I'm gonna eat... Ohh! What is that?

(GROANING)

(SQUEALING)

'Sup, bro!

(GROANS)

Mmm. Dudes, you want some of this?

Wait, you actually think I taste good?

Uh. Sure. You know.

All I've ever wanted is for someone to say that I was good.

(CRYING)

I'm so HAPPY-

The crying makes it a little weird, but I guess I'm still eating.

-'Sup, Gorney? -I've been traumatized!

Now, what?

Let's get our candy already!

Old dude? Old dude.

(SIGHS)

Wash off the shame, Stan, wash off the shame.

Ha! He thought he could scare us.

(BOTH GASP)

Heh? What's that?

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(TRIUMPHAL LAUGHTER)

Still got it!

-Hey, Stan! -Hi, Grunkle Stan!

-Hello, Mr. Pines. -Hello, Mr. Pines.

-How's it hanging? -Hey, Dipper.

-Wendy! -I didn't see you at the party!

Where were you?

Uh...

I was trick-or-treating, with my sister.

Yeah.

Mmm. The party was lame anyway.

Robbie ate a lollipop stick first and had to go home sick!

-(SNICKERING) -Oh, man.

We went to every single house and we didn't even get to eat any candy!

Candy? How's that for candy?

MAN: (ON TV) And now back to The Fear Guy from Terror Town Street.

(COMICAL SCREAMS)

You know, kids, I've been thinking.

At the end of the day, Summerween isn't about candy or costumes or even scaring people.

It's a day when the whole family can get together in one place and celebrate what really matters.

Pure evil.

(SINISTER LAUGHTER)

(ALL LAUGHING)

I ate a man alive tonight.

(OINKING SOFTLY)

-(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) -(BOTH LAUGHING)

Working Nine to Five What a way to make a living Barely getting by It's all takin' and no givin'

They just use your mind and they never give you credit It's enough to drive you crazy if you let it Nine to five, for service and devotion