01x15 - The Deep End

[bunniefuu]

Man on radio: Watch out, Gravity Falls, because at 110 degrees we're looking at the hottest day of the summer!

All in favor of doing nothing all day, say... ( groans)

( All groan )

(Oinks)

I'm gonna throw this pig out of the house!

You called my bluff, pig.

On the bright side, pun very much intended, it's opening week at the Gravity Falls pool.

Gravity Falls pool?

-Today? -Pun intended?

Quick! To the car!

( Grunting )

Hey, kids, a little help here.

(all grunting )

( Shudders )

All right, off to the pool.

And remember to be on alert for random wildfires.

Wait, what? ( screams )

He'll be fine.

II'

Man: All right, who wants to do a cannonball?

Man 2: Cannonball!

Ah, the pool.

Sparkling oasis of summer enchantment.

Yeah, nothing like sitting in a moist tub with strangers.

It's like the bus, but wet.

Why would a sun need to wear sunglasses?

It's best not to think about it.

Whoa, whoa! Stop the presses!

Who's that?

Oh, yeah. ( chomping ) Word is, dude never leaves the pool.

People say he's a "mysterious loner."

( Chomping )

Is it getting hot out here, or is it just that guy?

It's the hottest day of the year, Mabel.

Besides, can't you go for one week without having a new crush on some random guy?

Uh-Uh. ( gasps )

Look at his little moustache hairs!

You are clearly enamored. Go to him.

( laughs )

(groans)

-Hey, come on! -Watch it, kid!

Aah!

Oops, sorry!

It's so beautiful!

Eh, Mabel's all talk. You wanna know a secret?

She's never even kissed a guy before.

She always messes it up somehow.

0V, women!

Aah!

Hey, Mr. Pines.

Wendy? Where's the lifeguard?

I am the lifeguard.

I make the rules, sucka! Boosh!

Aah! She's attacking me with water!

(all laugh)

Wow. You work here?

I found out lifeguards get free snack privileges.

Plus, I get the best seat in the house.

Yeah, you do!

( Iaughil19 )

( Whispers ) I've been laughing for too long.

Dude, are you and Wendy having a secret staring contest?

'Cause I think you're winning--

Sous! Shh!

So, hey, you wanna go chuck more water balloons at Grunkle Stan?

I'd love to, but I gotta spend the day doing tryouts.

We're looking for a new assistant lifeguard.

Hey! ( clears throat )

( Deep voice ) Hey...

( normal voice ) What if I was assistant lifeguard?

That would be so much fun! You're totally in, dude!

You just have to check in with my boss first, Mr. Poolcheck.

Your boss?

( Sniffs )

( Grunting )

( Qasps )

( laughing ) IIQiPI: "19 Onna get you!

( slurps )

( Sighs )

( Qasps )

Wow! Oh, my gosh, how crazy, bumping into you here, even though we don't know each other.

How long have you been underwater?

That doesn't matter! ( coughing )

So, hey! My name's Mabel.

Hola.

Whoa! Are you Australian?

( laughs )

I am charmed by your sense of humor...

And your bold lack of water wings.

( laughs ) You're so funny!

And your hair is beautiful.

No, no, it has silly tangles.

Mind if I... ( chuckles )

Why, Mabel, you are so forward.

( laughs )

This is it! He likes you!

Go for it, Mabel! It's time!

Ask him out on a date!

So, hey, you wanna go dry off? Maybe hit the snack bar or--

I--I'm afraid I cannot.

For I have a terrible secret!

I must go.

I'm upset.

Yet, intrigued.

And that is why I think I'd make a good lifeguard assistant.

Hmm... ( sniffs)

SPF 100? Good. I like you.

But this isn't an easy job. It's anarchy out there.

I think I can handle it.

Can you handle this?!

( Qasps )

I lost my hand to a pool filter!

The pool may seem friendly, but she can turn on you in an instant!

Which is why you must respect her rules!

Do you think you have what it takes, boy? Do you?!

Sure. I guess.

Welcome to the deep end, son.

Well, thanks. I--

(grunts)

Yep, oh, this is happening.

There she is, Soos.

Equidistant from the snack bar and the bathroom, just the right amount of sun and shade.

And pointed away from where Old Man McGucket lotions himself.

Whoa-wee!

( Cackling )

The perfect lawn chair.

The legends that you told me in the car were true.

I just can't believe it wasn't already taken!

And now to sit on it, thereby claiming it as my own.

(grunts)

What?!

Why, hello, Stanford.

Gideon! Get out of my chair, kid!

Oh, my, was this your chair? I had no idea.

( Whispers ) Yes, I did, Stan. I knew.

Mm! Ooh!

Move it, you little troll!

First come, first serve!

(laughs) Mm! Ooh! Ooh!

I'll first serve you!

-( Whistle blows ) -Huh?

Come on, Wendy!

You can't do this to an old man!

Sorry, Stan. It's not up to me.

( Chuckles ) Actually, it is.

Hey, Wendy! I got the job!

Sweet! Wanna go abuse our power?

But what if Poolcheck catches us?

He seems emotionally unstable.

( Cracking )

Hmm...

( cracking )

Nah, don't worry, man.

You just gotta be sneaky about your rule-breaking.

Race you to the "no running" sign!

( laughs )

( slurps )

How long you in for?

Two hours, for roughhousing.

But I'm innocent!

Pool jail ain't so bad...

As long as you don't wind up in solitary.

It's the nights that are the hardest.

-Hey, there! —( gasps )

I brought you a sandwich.

It's sort of wet, but it's still good. Blop.

I like sharing things-- sandwiches, secrets...

( whispers ) Share your secret, beautiful stranger.

That wet sandwich does look delicious.

Oh, very well.

But you must never tell another living soul my terrible secret.

You have to stay away from me because I am...

A merman.

( Chuckles ) Oh, thank goodness.

I thought you were gonna say you had a girlfriend.

A merman! Ha!

I should have known from your strange foreign fish language.

It is Spanish.

Your voice is so deep and masculine. How old are you?

I am 12 years old.

Mermens' voices change when we are, like, three.

So what's your name?

There are some who call me...

II'

Mermando.

This is because Mermando is my name.

But I don't understand, Mermando.

What's a guy like you doing in a public pool?

It is a tragic story, Mabel.

I was swimming with my friends, the mighty dolphins, in the Gulf of Mexico, when I was ensnared!

Earl, did we just catch ourselves some kind of beautiful man-fish?

Let's feast on his flesh!

The cargo was headed for Gravity Falls.

(grunts)

Using all my strength, I tried to escape back home, but it was not to be.

Ha-ha!

(groans)

I would have d*ed of dehydration, were it not for the kindness of the forest animals.

( Iaughil19 )

Continue licking! Oh!

( Groaning )

( Qasps )

But now that you know what I am, you must be seriously weirded out.

What?! I don't care that you're a merman!

You're, like, the coolest guy I've ever met.

And you can play at least one chord on the guitar.

Oh, Mabel. I have never met another human like you.

Would you care to join me in a game of the Marco Polo?

Oh, yes, Mermando! Yes!

You're covering my gills. I cannot breathe.

( Coughing and wheezing )

( Chuckles ) Weird.

Ooh! ( giggles ) My cheeks are baby soft!

( Growls ) Look at him, that smug chair-stealing jerk!

But I can't touch him, or the pool patrol will throw me in pool jail.

Hmm...

Ah!

( Chuckles ) Yes. Yes! Burn the child!

Aah! My eyes!

Deal with it.

( Growls )

Soos.

Inflatable duck guy? Is that you?

Yes, Soos. I can talk.

Oh, my gosh, I knew you guys were secretly alive. I knew it!

( Both laugh )

-Shh! Shh! -Shh! Shh!

My people have been enslaved, Soos. You must free us.

The inflatable pool duck revolution is at hand.

( Both laugh )

( Whistle blows )

Pool's closing! Clear out, everyone!

-Poolcheck! -Hide!

Out! Do not touch!

Assistant lifeguard!

Have a good night, son. Lock up the supplies for me.

( Both chuckling )

( Whistle blows )

The pool, she closes.

Can I see you tonight?

Sure. Where? Wanna go for a walk?

Merman. I am a merman.

Oh, right. Then I'll be back tonight.

( Grunting )

Look, here's a scrapbook of human stuff.

Here's me standing with my legs, and here I am kicking Dipper in his legs.

He couldn't move his legs after that.

Can you imagine, not having legs!

Let's skip this part.

And here's my whole family kickboxing!

( Sighs )

What's wrong?

II'

(grunts)

I, too, used to have a family once, back in the ocean.

How I miss them.

Mermando, why don't you just leave the pool?

I tried only once.

But escaping this pool required a plan that was bold and daring.

II'

( groaning )

( Screaming )

(groans)

And then the wolves came.

No, I am glad that I am here, because I met you.

This is it, Mabel.

First kiss moment, here we come.

Just go for it!

Mm!!!

What are you doing with your mouth?

Me? Nothing! This? I was just eating some sour candy.

So my lips were doing that 'cause the candy was so sour.

Can I have some candy?

No.

( Sputters ) What the--

-I'm scared! -Me, too!

One hundred points!

Dude, with this job, you and me are gonna be having fun all summer!

All summer?

-( Whistle blows ) -( both gasp )

Pines, here, now!

You gave me your word that you would respect the sacred rules of this municipal pool!

Mr. Poolcheck, are you crying?

That's not important right now! ( sniffs )

You are on thin ice, boy. You wanna keep this job?

Well, some maniac broke into the supply closet last night and destroyed our one and only pool skimmer!

I want you on a stakeout.

If one more supply gets taken, you're fired!

I won't let you down!

Mermando, get ready! I'm gonna bring the heat!

Boosh!

Mermando, are you okay?

Oh, it's your family, isn't it? Are you thinking about them?

( Dolphin cry)

Mermando, enough is enough!

I care about you too much to see you like this.

We're gonna bust you out of here and get you back to your family.

But, Mabel, escape is impossible!

We're breaking you out of here tonight!

Whoops! Sorry about that. Water.

All right, Dipper, here's the plan.

Catch the trespasser, protect the supplies, keep job at pool, and eventually marry Wendy.

Freeze!

Grunkle Stan?

I, uh, I'm sleepwalking.

Also, now I'm sleep-talking.

Nice hat, by the way.

You! You're the one destroying pool supplies!

What? No! My crime is a lot better than that.

I'm gonna get that seat, and be ready in the morning when Gideon comes.

Then maybe I'll destroy some pool supplies. Night's still young.

( Blows whistle )

Sheesh, all right, I'm going! (grunts)

Hey!

( Beeping )

Mabel!

Are you ready to see your family?

Yes, but how can I, a merman, possibly escape?

Okay, my original plan was to tape together a bunch of fish sticks to make you a prosthetic pair of people legs.

Intriguing.

But then I realized I could just transport you in this cooler.

Ha-ha!

( Grunting )

Dipper: Hey! Who's there!

Quick! Hide me! My kind must not be seen!

Mabel? Is there anyone not breaking into the pool tonight?

What, is Soos here too?

( Grunts ) I'm okay.

Go home, Soos.

You got it. ( grunting )

So, why are you here?

Uh, no reason.

( Clears throat )

Did that cooler just clear its throat?

Don't be silly. There certainly isn't a merman in there, if that's what you're implying.

Who said anything about a merman?

Mabel, I don't have time for your games.

If you don't give me those supplies, I'll lose the coolest job ever!

( Sighs ) I understand.

Hey, look! Wendy in a bikini!

Really? At night?

Sorry, Dipper!

Mabel!

Go, Mabel, go!

We can't all be saved.

( Champs )

I'm gonna get you home!

Hand over the pool supplies in the name of pool law!

Pool law is dumb! And so is your hat!

(grunts)

Look! Gravity Falls Lake!

The coast is clear.

Ahh.

Now all I have to do is wait here 15 hours until the pool opens.

This was a good plan.

( Snorts ) I think someone just sped by.

Probably just a dream.

With you, every day is a dream.

(grunts)

( Gasping ) I cannot breathe!

You must hurry!

( Tires screech )

_Aah! _Aah!

-( Tires screech ) -( grunts )

I'm okay.

All right, the jig is up! Hand over that cooler!

Never!

Why not? Why do you even need it?

I needed the cooler to save my new friend because he needs to go home and he's really nice and we combed each others' hair and he needs to be in the cooler because he breathes water because he's a merman!

Hola.

Whoa! Way to bury the lead, Mabel.

Dipper, Mermando the merman. He's a merman.

Nice to meet you! Also, I think I am dying.

( Gasps ) water!

( Gasps ) Agua! ( coughs ) Yo necesito!

( Qasps )

Oh, no! Mermando!

Dipper, you're a lifeguard! Give him CPR!

Mermen don't breathe air!

Then give him reverse CPR! Do“!

( Pants )

(gurgling )

I hate this!

(gurgling )

I hate this!

(gurgling )

( Camera shutter snaps )

( laughs ) Blackmail!

( Qasps )

Thank you for saving me, but why didn't you just roll me into the lake?

(groans)

( Both grunt )

( Dolphin cry)

( Coughs )

I am weak from coughing.

How will I get my family to hear my call from the mighty depths of the ocean?

I've got it. B.R.B.

Problem solved!

Mabel, those are pool supplies. I'll get fired!

Dipper! Don't you know what it's like to fall for someone, even though you know in your heart that it'll probably never work out?

But you'd do anything for that person?

( Sighs )

Give Mermando the megaphone.

Thanks, Dip.

Mabel, I have never met anyone like you.

Same here.

Except for a zombie, a gnome, and a couple of cute vampires.

I don't remember the vampires.

I don't tell you everything.

Well, Mermando, I guess this is it.

Not quite. This is!

Whoa! Okay, that's gross. Ugh.

( Cheers )

That was my first kiss!

Hey, it was also kind of your first kiss too, huh? Huh?

( Shudders ) Please don't involve me in this.

Goodbye, Mermando.

Goodbye, Mabel.

You did the right thing, Dipper.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, wait, wait! One last thing!

Yes!

I've always wanted to do that.

A wrecked fence, dents in the pool mobile, and a missing megaphone?

Who is responsible for this?!

It's my fault, sir. I'm sorry. I got in too deep.

Hand over the whistle, boy!

( Grunting )

( Chomping )

( Whistle blows )

If one more thing goes wrong today...

( grunting )

You're free now! Free!

Inflatable ducks unite!

You!

Huh? Aah!

(grunts)

( Screaming )

Git 'em! Git 'em!

(groans)

Hey, doofus, you'll never guess what happened.

I just got fired.

-What? Really? -Yeah.

I guess Poolcheck found out I was taking too many snacks.

How many?

( laughs )

Hey, wanna go break rules somewhere else?

Of course!

( Both laugh )

( Sighs )

Huh?

"Dear Mabel, I am home with my family, and I am very happy..."

Mermando: Our first kiss will always hold a place in my heart.

Technically hearts...

As a merman I have, like, 17 hearts.

Horrifying but true!

More bottles on the way!

( laughs )

Stanford!

( laughs )

Well, guess you've won. Put 'er there.

( Grunting ) Hey! What the--

Unless perhaps I predicted your plan, and coated the entire chair with glue last night!

Enjoy your chair... ( whispers ) forever.

( laughs )

(grunts)

Kids, get the spatulas! Kids!

II'

( birds chirping )

( Fireworks exploding )