01x20 - Gideon Rises

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Gravity Falls". Aired: June 15, 2012 - February 15, 2016.*
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Twins Dipper and Mabel Pines spend the summer at their great-uncle's tourist trap in the mysterious Gravity Falls.
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01x20 - Gideon Rises

Post by bunniefuu »

( Screams )

( Sighs )

I just had a horrible dream that Gideon stole the deed to the Mystery Shack and kicked us out and we all had to move in with Soos's grandma.

That was no dream, dude.

( Screams )

Shh! Por favor.

Uh, sorry, Abuelita.

Oh! Soos, your grandma is so adorable!

And her skin is old lady soft.

( Sighing )

Mabel, quit being creepy! The news is finally on!

In a move that has all of Gravity Falls buzzing, child psychic Gideon Gleeful has taken surprise ownership of the Mystery Shack, previously belonging to area shyster Stanford Pines.

That picture's taken out of context.

Now that you have the shack, what exactly are you planning to do with it?

I have a big announcement to make today, and I'd like to cordially invite all the good people of Gravity Falls to join me.

Free admission to everyone who wears their Gideon pins!

It's my face!

I just can't believe Gideon b*at us!

Normally I'm able to save the day.

This is all my fault.

Don't worry, Dipper.

Looks like Mabel's gonna have to be the hero of the family now!

I'll defeat Gideon with my grappling hook!

Mabel, no offense, but that grappling hook has literally never helped us once.

Oh, yeah? Jelly grab!

I vacuum the walls now.

So you lost the shack. Look on the bright side, dudes.

Now you get to live here with me.

Soos!

Hey, anyone wanna play racecars?

They're out of batteries, but we can make pretend.

( Gags and coughs ) Would it be a new low if I ate that?

( Chuckles ) I'm just kidding. I'm totally eating it.

We've gotta get the Shack back.

Hello, Gravity Falls!

( Spectators cheering )

Gideon is the psychic-est!

He guessed the secret ingredient to my coffee omelet!

Somehow he knew about my horrifying secret birthmark.

I love that child psychic so much!

( Grunts ) You're choking me!

Grandma, is that you?

We're in.

Just wanna say, don't know what we're doing here, but I am loving these fake moustaches!

If anyone asks, I'm not Soos.

Ladies and gentlemen!

Today I am delighted to announce my new plans for the former Mystery Shack.

I give you Gideonland!

-What?H -Dude!

We're gonna turn this dirty old shack into three square miles of Gideon-tertainment!

And, introducing our new mascot, Li'I Gideon junior!

Boom! He's a pig!

Waddles! You monster!

All right, that's it!

Hey! Hey!

( Grunting and panting )

Listen up, people! Gideon's a fraud!

This kid broke in and stole my property!

-Arrest him, officers! -Yeah!

Such accusations!

Mr. Pines, I recall you gave the property to me.

Look, here's the deed right here!

Well, that's all the proof I need to see.

I love you, Li'I Gideon! Sing them funny songs!

Hey!

( Gasping )

Now get off my property, old man.

I'll show you who's the old ma--

Ow! Aah! My hearing aid! Aah! (grunting )

Thanks for visiting Gideonland, friends!

( Chuckles ) Don't come back. I don't care for y'all.

(all sigh )

( Grunts with exertion )

Don't worry, guys, we'll get the Shack back somehow.

We better.

Wendy!

If I can't work at the Shack, my dad's gonna force me to work upstate at my cousin's logging camp.

What? You're leaving town? But we need you here!

Yeah, especially Dipper, because of his giant crush on...

You. Calyptus trees!

( Nervous chuckle ) The kid loves eucalyptus trees.

( Chuckling ) Saved it!

Oh, man, guys, don't look now.

Take me back, Wendy!

My arms are too skinny to keep holding this boom box forever!

-I was never here. -Have you been getting my texts?

Do I need to send you more texts? Wendy!

This is not good. I cannot feed such a big family.

Where will we stay, Dipper?

Where will I put all my sweaters?

And what's Stan gonna tell Mom and Dad?

Ah, Mr. Pines will figure something out. He always does!

Don't worry, your son and daughter are fine.

Where are we staying?

Uh, I put 'em up at this amazing 4-star hotel!

What? Uh, sure, we got... Plenty to eat.

Uh, relax. If I thought I couldn't take care of these kids, I'd send 'em back right away. Uh-huh. You, too.

Grunkle Stan, can we order pizza?

( Sighs )

( laughs )

( Blows whistle ) Back to your corner!

I've been meanin' to ask you, boy.

Shouldn't you be celebratin' Gideonland instead of sticking your head in that there book all day?

Father, have I ever told you the true nature of this book?

It was written many years ago by a brilliant unknown author who learned secrets too powerful for one man.

He hid his journals where he thought no one would ever find 'em.

Because he knew that if the journals were ever brought together, they would unleash a gateway to unimaginable power!

Codes and maps have led me to believe the other book's buried somewhere on this very property.

And I intend to find it.

So that's why you wanted the Mystery Shack.

That's right, Father.

It's time to begin the search...

For the other journal!

Go, red car!

Go, other red car!

This would be a lot more fun with batteries.

(grunts)

( Clears throat ) Kids, we gotta talk.

Look, I've been thinking, and I can't take care of you anymore.

I don't have a house, or-- or a job.

The plan is you're going home.

Your bus leaves tomorrow. Here are your tickets.

But, Grunkle Stan, you can't give up.

Yeah, dude. Look at these faces!

Be cuter, Mabel! Your summer depends on it!

Look, I lost, okay?

The best thing is for you to be with your parents.

I'm sorry, kids. Gideon won.

Summer's over.

Mr. Pines! Come back! Reconsider!

Mabel, that's enough!

If Stan won't get our home back from Gideon, then we'll have to do it ourselves!

Gideon may have the upper hand, but we have one thing he doesn't.

-A grappling hook! -The journal!

Oh, the journal. Journal!

All right. The bus to take us out of Gravity Falls comes at sundown.

If we wanna stay in town, we've gotta get past those guards, make it through the fence, and get Gideon to hand over that deed.

Leave that to Mabel! Wa-cha!

Aah! (grunts)

Now will you admit the grappling hook is useless?

Nope!

Okay, what can we use to defeat Gideon?

Let's see. Barf fairy?

-Yeah! -Nope.

Butternut squash with a human face and emotions?

-Yeah! -Nope.

Whoa! What's this?

I've stared at this page for hours.

It seems like a blueprint to build some kind of strange futuristic super w*apon--

Boring! To defeat those guards, we need some kind of army.

Wait a minute. An army!

Mabel, that's it! The gnomes!

Uh...

I think this is their hiding spot.

I wonder what gnomes do out here all alone in the forest.

Both: Aah!

( Scatting ) Aah!

This, this is normal.

This is normal for gnomes. Scrub, scrub.

Well, well, well! Look who came crawling back!

Take five, Chris. You guys keep doin' what you're doin'.

So, changed your mind about marrying me, did you, Mabel?

Ew! Hardly! We need your help. And seriously, ew!

You want our help? After you left me at the altar? No dice!

Well, what if we were able to get you a new queen?

One even more beautiful than me!

Her name's Gideon and she has lovely white hair.

Whoa! Mature woman, huh? Hey, Shmebulock, get my cologne!

Shmebulock!

Is "Shmebulock" all you can say?

Shmebulock.

It's a deal!

Waiter, give me a glass of the strongest, most expired apple cider you've got.

Sure thing, Mr. Pines.

Soos? What are you doing here?

Since the Mystery Shack shut down, I've had to take a bunch of part-time jobs.

Grave digger, bus driver, really awesome cook.

Hey, is the kitchen supposed to have that much fire in it?

( Woman screams )

( Sighs ) You're a good man-child, Soos, but it's not looking good.

This whole town loves Gideon and hates me.

If only they knew how evil he really was.

Hey, I'm here for you, dude.

The entire lower half of your body is on fire.

Shh. We're having a moment.

Where are you, journal?

Where are you?

Boy, I hate to interrupt you, but you have some guests.

What?

Give us the deed to the shack, Gideon! Or else!

Am I supposed to say, "or else what?"

Yes, you are supposed to say that! Now!

( Both grunt )

( Qasps )

( Iaughil19 )

( Gasping )

You're surrounded by an unstoppable gnome army.

Now give us back our deed and get off our property!

And let the marriage ceremony begin!

( Sighs ) Very well. I suppose this deed belongs to--

( shrill whistle )

Ha! What do you know? Works on gnomes, too.

Stop! We'll do anything!

How can we serve you, your majesty?

The most beautiful girl we've ever seen!

I am not a girl!

Really? But your skin is so soft. Do you moisturize or...

Subdue them!

( Overlapping grunting )

I have to admit, kids, I am impressed by your creativity.

-How did you ever? -Let go!

Oh, no!

No! Could it be? Is it?

-( Gasps ) -( laughs ) Of course!

It all makes sense!

The one place I'd never think to look.

You had it the whole time!

And to think I actually considered you a thr*at!

No! Give it back!

Every victory you had was because of your precious book!

-Give it back or I'll-- -Or you'll what, boy?

You'll what? Huh? Huh? No muscles, no brains.

Face it. You're nothing without this!

Bye-bye forever, y'all.

( Whistles )

[[511

Next time, do your own dirty work! Come on, boys!

Well, that's it.

Guess the bus should be here soon.

What? Dipper, don't give up!

You always have a plan!

No, the journal always has the plan!

Think about it, Mabel. Gideon was right.

The only courageous or cool things I've ever done have been because of that journal.

Without it, I can't help you or Stan or anyone.

There's gotta be something we can do.

What can we do?

Man: Bus fifty-two departing Gravity Falls. All aboard.

Sorry, kids. It's for the best.

Can't believe this is happening.

( Giggles ) I've got it! I've finally got it!

-Get out! -( exclaims )

It's finally mine!

At last, I have journal number...

Three?

There are three of 'em?

But where is journal number one?

I must have all three for the power to be unlocked!

But where could I-- Dipper! He must know where it is!

He gave me the third one and kept the first for himself!

I can't let him leave Gravity Falls!

You there! Is it ready?

Only one way to find out!

(grunts)

I got a good feelin' about that kid!

Well, Stan, this is it. Rock bottom.

No friends, no family, stuck watching infomercials for whatever that is.

Are you sick of piles of owls constantly blocking your driveway?

Well, then you've gotta get Owl Trowel!

HOW did you do it, kid?

Why are you always one step ahead?

Maybe he really is psychic after--


-( ringing sound ) -Aah! My hearing aid!

What keeps causing that?

Wait a minute. That's it! I know Gideon's weakness!

Would Mr. Pines like a--

Mwah!

I go vacuum my face.

Hey, Dipper. Wanna play bus seat treasure hunt?

I'm not in the mood.

Oh, come on.

We got Canadian coin, gum that's shaped like Ronald Reagan's head.

Ooh! Miscellaneous fluid stain.

-Giant robot! -Yeah, giant robot. Wait. What?

-Look! -Halt! I command you to halt!

( Both scream )

Mr. bus driver! There's a giant Gideonbot coming towards us!

-Oh, hey, dudes! -Both: Soos!

Don't worry, guys. I've been a part-time bus driver for at least 40 minutes.

One of these things is probably a clutch.

Hang on, dudes!

Aah!

-Soos! Look out! -Aah!

( All scream )

He already won! What does he want from us?

I got you in my sights!

Soos! Cliff!

-( All scream ) -( grunt of exertion )

Soos: Aah!

(all screaming )

Okay, what's closest to our present situation?

"Raccoon in the engine" or "angry grandparent won't leave bus"?

Probably-- probably the second one.

( Panting ) Huh?

Tell me! Where is journal number one?

Both: Journal number one?

Don't play games with me, boy!

'Oh! Aah.

I don't know what you're talking about!

You took the only journal I ever had!

What do you even want with these journals, anyway?

Both: Aah! Aah!

-( Audibly struggling ) -Let go of her!

Ha ha ha! You still think you're some kind of hero?

Aaahhh!Unh!

(groans)

Once I find the final journal, I'll rule this town!

With you as my queen! ( laughs )

Dippefielxsgp me!

Gideon: Face it, kid. You're nothing without that journal.

How you gonna fight back?

No muscles, no brains.

What are you gonna do? Huh? What are you gonna do?

(yelling )

Let go of my sister!

Never! I finally won this time!

( Fighting grunts )

Aah! Aah! Get off! Let go of me!

-( Grunts ) -( grunts ) Huh?

( Audible struggling )

( Screaming )

Careful in there!

( Screaming )

Dudes! No!

Grappling hook! Told you it would come in handy.

Mabel, that was amazing!

Not as amazing as you defeating that robot!

Hey, my journal!

-Man: Oh, there it is! -Man #2: Is this the thing that exploded?

-What's going on? -What is that?

It's over here.

Ohhh.

Gideon!

Oh, good heavens! What on earth happened here?

It was the Pines twins. They tried to att*ck me and blew up my statue with dynamite!

Arrest 'em!

-Both: What? -Officers, he's lying!

Sorry, kids, but we trust Gideon, and nothing short of a miracle could ever change our--

( screamin9 Aah! )

Wait! Wait! Stop everything! I've got something to say!

-Not this guy again. -Just wait! Look!

You guys all think Gideon is so perfect and honest.

"Oh, I could never tell a lie! I'm Gideon!"

He's more honest than you!

Yeah! And he's psychic too!

How's this for psychic? Bam! Take a good look!

Wait a minute! Is that me?

The secret ingredient to my coffee omelet is coffee!

And me!

I can verify that that birthmark is indeed disgusting.

Hooray!

Onlookers: That's me!

That's right! These pins are hidden cameras!

And my hearing aid was picking up the feedback!

Who's the fraud now?

Gideon, we gave you our trust.

You lied to us!

Please, I-- ( gasps ) It's not what it looks like.

What are you gonna do with me?

Tyler?

Get him.

( Sniffles ) Get him.

-( Gasps ) -Li'I Gideon, you are under arrest...

For conspiracy, fraud, and breaking our hearts.

Durland, the tiny handcuffs.

Wha-- no!

Just one more thing.

Let go of me! Ow! Ow! Ow!

I believe this belongs to me.

No! No! Watch the hair!

You can't do this to me! Y'all are sheep!

You need me! I'll be back!

You'll hear from my lawyers!

There you have it.

Local hero Stanford Pines has just exposed Li'I Gideon as a fraud.

Anything you have to say to the town, Stanford?

The Mystery Shack is back, baby!

( Iaughil19 )

( Sighs )

( laughs ) Oh, thank you, thank you!

( Champs )

( Mewing ) Hey, Grunkle Stan!

Uh, you kiddos settling back in okay?

Yep! All of my favorite moldy spots on the ceiling are still there!

Even you, Daryl!

Hey, Grunkle Stan, me and Mabel have been talking, and I think there's something we should finally tell you.

This is a journal I found in the woods.

It talks about all the crazy stuff that goes on in Gravity Falls.

Gideon nearly destroyed the whole town trying to find it.

I don't know what it means, or who wrote it, but after all we've been through, maybe you should finally know about it.

I'm glad you showed me this, Dipper.

( laughs ) Now I know where you've been getting it all from!

Spookums and monsters.

This kooky book has been filling your head with crazy conspiracies!

But it's all real!

( laughs ) You gotta quit readin' this fantasy nonsense for your own good.

Although some of these would make great attractions!

Can't come up with this stuff! Mind if I borrow this?

Wait! No! Grunkle Stan!

( laughingly) "Magic book." Ridiculous!

-Stan, I need it! -Dipper, you don't need that book!

Don't you see?

On your own you defeated a giant robot with nothing but your bare hands!

You're a hero whether you've got that journal or not!

Whoa. Thanks, Mabel. I still want it back though.

I'm sure you'll get it back.

What would a boring old man like Stan want with that book anyway?

-( Both gasp ) -Soos'ed!

( Both laughing )

After all these years.

Finally, I have them all.

It's working!

( Grunts with exertion )

Here we go.
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