08x05 - Whore-A-Geddon

[bunniefuu]

It's just going to take a bit of time until
the word gets out about this place Bubs.

Until the word gets out? Yeah
why isn't the word out Julian?

I spent too much f*cking time
distracted by you and Ricky,

helping Ricky make his f*cking
honey oil.

I need time to focus on this
myself and promote my business!

Oh hang on, wait, is this
a customer?

Hi there! Open for business!

- COCK SUCKER!!
- Come on!

I put everything
I had into this

and I came up short
because of you two!

I thought there was gonna
be people coming

from all over the world! And I
thought I'd make enough money

to save the park and
I'd be a big hero.

Bubbles the hero!

Bubs you don't have to start
crying about this.

Listen, I'm sorry we...
we distracted you, okay?

I'm sorry man. But how
'bout I take today to help you

figure out some ways to
get this f*cking place boomin'.

Well yeah that would be

great actually if you'd
actually do it but you won't.

I'll do it.

f*ck you screw!

How ya like that? You're f*cking
coming down, aren't ya?

This could be a customer.
This could be a customer!

Hi there, you guys
the proprietors?

I'm the proprietor. Hi,
Bubbles, nice to meet ya.

Are you guys looking
for a place to stay?

Well yeah we're
travelling across Canada,

mostly staying in our van
there and we seen your flyer.

It says you allow cats.

Oh yes absolutely, it's
a cat friendly resort.

Right here we got pancakes
all you can eat maple syrup,

you guys like maple syrup?
Groovy man we dig maple syrup.

Try to cock me around!!

OH YOU f*ck
SUCKING f*cking...

Don't worry about that.

DIRTY ASS WHORE
f*cking DRAGON SLUT!!

THANKS FOR THE HELP
CORY AND JACOB!!

f*ck!! NICE GOING,
GOING TO f*cking JAIL!

NOW I'M BLEEDING!!

I'm sorry I'll take
control of him.

It's okay man I'm going
to keep on truckin'.

Aw don't keep on trucking please.
Don't keep on truckin'!

Please it's very... really
calming here it's...

- f*ck YOU MICROWAVE!!
- It's like a spa.

f*ck OFF!!!

RICKY!!! WHAT IN THE
FLYING f*ck ARE YOU DOIN'??!!

f*ck YOU CUPBOARDS!!!

OH YOU DON'T WANT TO f*cking GO HUH??
YOU GET THE f*ck GOING!!!

I'VE LOST MY CUSTOMER!!!

f*ck YOU COUNTER!!!

JULIAN!!

I NEVER f*cking
LIKED YOU ANYWAY!

OH MY f*ck!!

RICKY!!
Hey Bubs, how's the grand

opening going buddy?

How's it goin'?
I just about had my first

and only customer and
ya almost k*lled them

with a g*dd*mn f*cking SINK,
that's how it's goin'.

What the hell are you
doing in there?

That kinda sucks but listen
buddy, last night I'm in the car

laying awake f*cking drunk and
high as a m*therf*cker

eating a corndog
and BOOM!

This explody thing goes
off in my brain.

I have a hockey team
that sucks 'cuz

I can't afford the ice
time to practice and

I've got a trailer that's
too cold to live in.

So I'm turning my f*cking
trailer into a hockey rink.

A hock...? Ricky you can't
turn your trailer into

a f*cking hockey rink.

Why not? It's flat.
I'll just put down some tarps.

I'll flood it, build some
boards and pesto a hockey rink.

It's gonna be
f*cking awesome!

Put on your crystals boys.

No f*cking way, I'm not
wearing that thing ever again.

The Rockpile were teasing
me calling me Harry Potter.

Yeah man crystals and rocks
are f*cking DUMB!

Hey fellas!

Hey Barb!

Hey Julian! Listen I've
just found out

about a spiritual retreat
at the last minute so

I'm going to go down
'cuz they're going to have

a huge range of crystals.

Do you want to come
with me for the weekend?

Wow that sounds
really nice but I...

I already promised
Bubs that I'd

help him out with
his business today.

Oh, oh okay well
good luck with that Bubbles.

You know I think it is
absolutely great what

- you're doing to help the park.
- Thank you.

But you should be wearing
your crystals like Julian!

I've got mine on.

It'll change your life. One
like this, that's what you need.

No I can tell, yeah.

Okay, see you guys.
I'll see you after the weekend.

Have a good time.
I will. Bye!

Dicks.

And you expect us to believe
that you two aren't banging?

You're doing it with her Julian.

We're not.
We're partners.

Yeah down in the bird region.

f*ck off Bubs.

Ha ha ha ha ha!!!

Definitely kissing at least.

Ha ha, doin' it!

Hey what's troubling
you Randy?

It seems as though
your heart is discontent.

You can tell that?

Yes it only takes but a
glance to see that

your chord does not chime
in attunement with the universe.

Ah it's nothing really.
It's just Mister Lahey.

He wants us to work...

and he has been making
an effort

but I don't know if it's
him talkin' or the liquor.

I hate to interfere in
anyone else's business

but I feel as though I made
a mistake telling you

and Mister Lahey to go
on that date.

I now see that his
penchant for liquor

is a disease of the soul.
He's f*cked up Randy.

Yeah I know but he's been
a good friend to me.

I can't turn my back
on a friend.

Have you turned your
back on him

or has he turned
his back on you?

So by you turning
your back on him

you're actually turning toward
the f*cking drunk bastard.

Yeah.

You guys don't have a hope
in f*cking hell Randy.

Bubs I've been thinking a lot
about your business, man and

I don't know, do you really
think there's enough demand

for people wanting to
vacation with their kitties?

Yeah that's one of the main
f*cking draws Julian.

Think about it,
there's probably millions

of people out there
that don't go on vacation

'cuz there's nowhere they can go
and bring their kitties.

I mean if I can get enough
money saved and

get heat hooked up here
I can run this thing all year.

It's going to be a
f*cking goldmine.

And I mean you're advertising
as a Shed and Breakfast but

you're only serving f*cking
all you can eat pancakes

and maple syrup. Not everybody
likes f*cking pancakes.

Okay well the people that don't
I can run down

to Horton's and get
a f*cking breakfast sandwich.

Either way there'll be
a delicious breakfast.

Oh my god Julian,
that's f*cking Steve Rogers!

I bet he's coming to do a
story about how f*cked I am.

Just relax.
Can I help you?

Oh hi guys. Is the owner
of the club here around?

That's me.

Hi, Roger Stevens.

What? You're Steve Rogers
from Channel .

We met before.

Sorry I keep forgetting
how recognizable I am.

It's really hard being
on the downlow when you're

a celebrity so...
how's it going guys?

Mister Rogers.

Bubbles so you got a new
business opening up here?

Oh I've had a couple
of minor setbacks.

Please don't do a
story on me.

No I'm not here to do a story, I'm
getting married this weekend.

A friend at the station told me you guys
are running a strip club here in the park.

Yeah I am but unfortunately
it's closed for renovations.

Oh f*ck my ass.
We just need a place

to have a little stag
party tonight I mean...

I was going to have
it in town but you know,

- recognizable celebrity.
- Yeah.

It's hard to do anything
without the old

lady finding out about it.

Hey wait now.
I could probably have

the place cleaned up
by six and...

round up five or six ladies,
will that do?

Yeah, yeah.
Yeah perfect,

- yeah I'll see ya then.
- Right on.

What are you doing?

What?

You just told me
you were gonna help

me revamp the Shed
and Breakfast today.

Bubs I'll help you out
tomorrow I promise.

You help me today,
I'll help you tomorrow.

Do you want to make money
to save the park? Up to you.

- Yes.
- All right.

Quit using that against me!

- Using what?
- Oh yeah.

All right Cory
turn on the f*cking water.

Here we go!

Cory?
Huh?

Turn off the f*cking water!
Okay!

This is gonna be
f*cking awesome!

What do ya
think Orangie?

Look how much wet there is.

Yeah you f*cking like that
don't ya?

You wanna get in there and swim
your gold little tits off I bet.

All right we can go
for a little swim.

I gotta run out.

Here little buddy,
don't be afraid,

you're going to f*cking
love this.

Here, check it out!
Here you go Orangie.

Have fun!
I'll see ya in a little bit.

Cory!
Two f*cking smokes, let's go.

You look so extra pretty tonight.
You should just like...

Sarah the bar looks
f*cking incredible. Nice work.

Okay ladies, remember this guy
is a celebrity, so I want

big smiles, lots of
energy and let's make some

f*cking money, okay?

'Kay pull your boobs up girls
we want to sell drinks tonight.

That's what I'm talking about.
Here they come!

Woo!

Welcome to the Dirty
Dancer.

Y'all ready to
get your freak on or what?

- You betcha.
- Yeah, yeah!

Okay now guys,
so there's no outside booze

allowed but we have lots
of great drinks inside.

I just need a credit card
to get

the tab started
so is that you?

- Not me.
- Boys I'm f*cking broke.

Credit card.
Pink cap there?

- I don't have money.
- Anybody? Credit card?

I need a credit card.

Guys it's my stag party
you pussies. f*ck it.

YEAH!!!

Let's go Rick James,
let's get wasted.

Ha ha and let's see
them titties boys.

Hey Randers, you look nice.

Listen I thought we'd make
a couple little.

Mediterranean food tonight
and maybe put a little fire

down where I need it, what
do you think? Roar!

What's this for?

Oh I... I dug out some
of the old costumes.

I thought we'd get the old
sawhorse out and...

have a little party.

Nice thought Mister Lahey.
What's up with the hard liquor?

Well I... I thought

tonight it'd be a special night,
a special occasion Randy.

The liquor's what's causing the
problems Mister Lahey.

This is what's making you
turn your back on me.

Well you know what?
I'm gonna be the one

to turn my back on you
instead of you forcing me

to turn my back
the other way!

Is that you talking Randy
or is that DON TALKING?

I need a break Mister Lahey.
I'm going out for some fun!

Have fun alone with your
liquor drinks ya alcoholic!

Oh...

Queen of hearts,
how a propos.

I do thee wed.

WOO!!!

Okay I see a lot of
partying and a lot of groping

but I need to make some money
and no one's ordering drinks.

Okay another round for
everybody.

f*ck it! Put it on my tab!
Ha ha ha!

We're not making any
f*cking money here, man.

I mean that's 'cuz these guys
was already drinking man...

But I see a golden
opportunity.

We need to think outside the f*cking box.
What are ya thinking?

All the sheds that are out back vacant?
Think about it.

That's f*cking
brilliant man.

That's what I'm saying man.
Ideas like that Jules.

I mean come on man,
me and you and J-ROC

we need to be partners
man. Think about it.

Where's your f*cking drink?
Go get a drink it's an open tab!

Woo, ha ha ha!!!
Ha ha ha!

Na na na na...
"You're turning your back

on me forcing me to
turn my back on you!"

f*cking Don that
greasy haired

shitworm and Donna
whatever the f*ck that is.

Hey Jim.

What the f*ck
do you want?

I noticed there's a
pretty greasy party going on

over at Julian's tonight.
Probably a good night for us

to do a little bit of
surveillance, wouldn't you say?

Party...

Randy.

Excuse me ladies.

Bar's closed,
private party.

Come on Julian,
I got money.

I need to get
wasted bud.

It's a private party
FUCKHEAD.

Oh hi Randy!

You let Donna in.

'Cuz she's a chick.
I think.

Well maybe I'll call the cops
and see what they think.

Holy f*ck all right!

But if you're not spending any
money get the f*ck out of there.

Oh hi there handsome,
how ya doing? Oh you big boy!

Hey buddy,
how's it going?

I'm just trying to run
some numbers here Julian.

I think I come out of the gate at
too high of a price point, maybe.

What if I told you there's
a company interested in

renting all your sheds
out right now for cash?

What?
Are you serious?

Yeah.

We can make a sh*t ton of money
off these stag dicks tonight man.

Why, what are you
talking about?

Rent them out by
the hour.

No f*cking way Julian! I
didn't put all this effort

into the Shed and Breakfast
so you could turn it into

a g*dd*mn
whorehouse!

Hey, you know, this was
Tyrone's idea okay

and the wheels are
already in motion.

Yeah well you better put
them out of f*cking motion

'cuz it's not happening.
That's it, case closed.

Bubs, people are
counting on us man.

I thought you wanted to be the
big hero that saved the park.

Well I do want to be a
hero that saves the park.

Well?

MMM fine!
One night!

Okay. Does it
include this one or...?

NO! It doesn't include,
this is my home!

All right, all right!

You can rent
those ones out.

Thanks man.

Greasy...

Oh ha ha man that sucks.
It's all right,

five minute rule.

Orangie...

I need to borrow your f*ckin'...

You're f*cked.

I need to borrow your phone,
let's go.

I'm a little busy man.

f*ck off,
here's ten bucks.

Two seconds,
give me the f*cking phone.

Hello! Hey buddy I
need you to do me a favour.

Well I'm kinda in the middle of
Whore-A-Geddon here right now Ricky.

This is the greatest
night of my f*cking life!

b*tches for everyone
on me!

Steve f*cking Rogers!

f*ck EVERYBODY!!!

Yahoo!

Take me
in my ass!

Can you hear this greasy
whore show Ricky?

This may or may not be
an emergency, I'm not sure.

How long does it take ice to get
froze from water? I forget.

I don't know. What are you
talking about Ricky?

Well I let Orangie go for
a f*cking swim in the rink

and I got f*cked around
by three sport stores

that wouldn't take hash
for cash, f*cking nerds.

Anyway long stories get short,
been gone a lot longer

than I thought.
I want you to put him back

in his bowl he might
be getting cold.

Ah I can probably do that Ricky.
How long ago did you say ya flooded it?

A few hours anyway,
I don't f*cking know.

Yeah Ricky no...
What you... f*ck!

Yeah it should be... it
shouldn't be frozen quite yet.

Where did you say
you're at right now Ricky?

I'm still at the mall. I was
dealing with dummies all night.

f*ck!

Listen can you give Orangie
a snack?

He's probably f*cking starving.

Yeah,
how long till your back Ricky?

However f*cking long
it takes me to drive back

from the mall,
I don't know, ten minutes?

Ah! All right!
Just take your time.

There's no real rush or anything.
I'll take care of Orangie.

Okay see you bud!

Right on Bubs!

Excuse me.
Clear a f*cking path!

Oh yeah...

Jesus H Christ,
GET OUT OF THERE!!

That shed's not for rent!
Go on! Get going!

All right, Orangies.
Come on one of ya get in there.

All right little buddy, I got a
really good feeling about you.

Let's go Orangie . .
Right in here, look all thawed

out nice and toasty warm for ya.
There we go. Julian!

What?

This is f*cked!! This is one
of the greasiest whore shows

I've ever seen
and it needs to stop right now!

Bubs I can't they already paid
for the sheds until tomorrow morning.

I DON'T CARE!!!
BANGUS INTERRUPTUS!!

What am I going to do, haul people
out of sheds while they're banging?

YES!!!

Bubs we made a lot of f*ckin'
money tonight!

You're a hero man!

Oh yeah I know Julian.
I'm right up there with.

Mother f*cking Teresa!

Who the f*ck barbecues
with an open tab for p*ssy?

Welcome to the grand opening of
Bubbles Shed and Breakfast everybody!

For kitties and the people who
love them.

Oh yeah, yeah!

No I paid for it.
You're on the clock.

Oh my god. Oh yeah,
oh what's that smell?

Oh. Oh.
Yeah. Oh my god. It's so big!

g*dd*mn f*cking
horse sh*t!

Try to run a g*dd*mn
legitimate business.

We don't always have
to tell the truth 'cuz

honesty is just a test
policy remember that.

It's one of the most important
things the old man taught me,

I never forgot it.
Hey Bubs, how's it going?

How's it going? Take a
f*cking look around Ricky!

My whole business
is destroyed!

f*cking Julian.
He fucks things up every time.

Thanks for putting Orangie back in
his bowl last night. Was he chilly?

Yes he had quite a chill
going when I found him.

Come over for a skate later
it'll cheer you up.

All right kids, you ready
to see this f*cking thing?

Yeah!

Can you stop filming me?
Please!

Go film the people banging.

Whoa!

Whoa!

- Pretty f*cking awesome isn't it?
- Hell yeah!

Well this is for you guys.

Now we can practice
whenever the f*ck we want

without having to deal with rink
dicks or guys looking for money.

We're going to have a
kickass team next year,

we might even win some games.
All right?

Remember what I taught
you kids, winning is?

f*cking everything!

- Yeah!
- f*ck YEAH!!

Why is that big hole there?

Goddammit! It must
be f*cking ice squirrels!

Wow, we definitely got
to do more private parties.

Agreed.

How'd we make out with the
credit card?

I am at
around forty-two hundred.

Are you kidding me?

Julian come outside
and look at the.

f*cking DAMAGE
TO MY SHEDS!

You're paying for
every bit of it too.

Bubs relax, I've got it
covered man and I know

it doesn't seem like it was a
smart move right now,

but we made a f*cking k*lling
last night man.

We totally did Bubbles.
Look it's not that big a deal.

I'll help you clean it up.
It was a really nice sacrifice

that you made for everybody.
Thank you.

Jesus he can't be back
for more, is he?

Hey Steve,
how's it going buddy?

Did you have a good
time last night?

I don't know what
you put in those drinks.

I think somebody drugged me.

I know you went a
bit out of hand

last night but you guys ran up
four grand on my credit

card according to
my online banking.

Yeah that's 'cuz you
bought four grand worth of stuff.

My fiancée saw it this
morning, I told her it's

a mistake. She thinks I'm at the
bank right now sorting it out.

You gotta reverse the charges,
there's no way I spent that much.

Steve you were buying drinks and ladies
for everybody last night on that card.

f*cking sh*t adds up man!

Everything we ran on your card
was legit,

that's how much you spent.

That's the way
it's going to be?

Well what if Channel
did a little exposé?

Maybe then you guys would
change your tune.

You want to do a little
exposé on me?

Are you going to mention that
you and your buddies

were banging whores all night?
'Cuz I guarantee your.

f*cking fiancée's going to love
to know about that.

Oh my god that's her!
Please just go along with me,

go along with me,
I'll do anything!

Hi honey! I went to the
bank and I'm just

sorting out how this bar here
accidentally charged my card.

Oh yeah?
Did the bank happen to mention

why THERE ARE f*cking CRABS
CRAWLING AROUND IN OUR BED?

I can explain.

IS THIS WHERE YOU WERE LAST
NIGHT???!!!

I can explain honest!

IS THIS WHERE YOU SPENT
FOUR f*cking GRAND

OF OUR WEDDING MONEY IN ONE
OF THESE LITTLE WHORE SHACKS??!!

AH!! EASY, THESE ARE
NOT WHORE SHACKS!!!!

I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU BROUGHT CRABS.

BACK TO OUR BED
STEVE ROGERS!!!

Oh my god.

Honest I must have caught 'em
on the toilet seat.

What the f*ck do you mean
there's crabs in the sheds?

That's what I'm talking
about. I needed that.

Randy you took your dickin'.

Oh, oh my god. Did you
f*ck the guy in the dress too?

EXCUSE ME BITCH!!
I am all woman up in here.

You got nothing on
this cock raiser!

Hi Steve!

Ugh!

We are so f*cking DONE
STEVE ROGERS!!!

What the f*ck is going on here?

Guys please don't tell
Mister Lahey about this.

All right this f*cking
sh*t show is officially over!

I have officially identified
pediculosis pubis

on Gary Lasereyes.

I am calling this a quarantine
zone right now.

I want everybody off my
f*cking property please.

- Get going!
- Meow.

Thanks a lot Julian. Thanks a lot.

Gary Lasereyes is infested!
Come on Gary,

let's see if we can get the
f*cking dirty little.

f*cking crabs off ya.

Way to go Julian.
Crabs?

Real nice. Thank f*ck
I didn't bang anybody.

Come on let's get ya out of here
before f*cking crabs jump on ya.

So are you still on the clock?

Wash your balls.

Good morning Jim.
What's for breakfast?

Ah little
liquor ball sandwiches.

What brings you guys back?

Well Jimmy we were feeling
pretty generous so we thought

we'd come by and give you a
little present.

No, no thanks.

It's two thousand, one hundred
and nineteen dollars my friend,

Cashamundo.

The deposit
for your one percent.

Well I-well I haven't made a
decision yet...

what goin' do?
Look I can't accept this.

Listen Liquoracci, you only
got two choices. Accept the

down payment for the one
percent and be my friend...

Aha.

Or choice behind
door number two!

f*ck!

Geez!

♪ I DON'T DO PILLS,
DON'T DO SPEED, ♪

♪ DON'T DO cr*ck,
DON'T DO COKE, ♪

♪ DON'T DO SMACK,
DON'T DO SHROOMS, ♪

♪ DO SMOKE WEED,
I DO DRINK BEER... ♪

♪ YEAH AH SO TAKE
IT FROM HERE. ♪

♪ LISTEN I DON'T DO PILLS, ♪

♪ DON'T DO SPEED,
DON'T DO cr*ck, ♪

♪ DON'T DO COKE,
DON'T DO SMACK, ♪

♪ DON'T DO 'SHROOMS,
DO SMOKE WEED, ♪

♪ I DO DRINK BEER... ♪

♪ AH SO TAKE IT FROM HERE. ♪

♪ WHEN IT COMES TO GETTIN'
LIFTED I STAY SPLIFTED ♪

♪ CATCH ME LIGHTING UP A
BLUNT, I'M DOUBLE FISTED. ♪

♪ ALL I NEED IS A HEINEKEN
AND HYDRO ♪

♪ AND ISO FROM WHEREEVER
I CAN GET AT THE QUICK SHOW. ♪