10x04 - sh*t Covered Cave Teeth

[bunniefuu]

Thanks, Dad. It was good.

Yeah, thanks, Dad.

Turning into Chef Boyarlee.

Hey, f*ck off, Ricky!

You get one glass of juice like the
rest of us, okay? f*ck, Sarah.

I didn't mean to drink too much of
the precious f*cking orange juice!

Well, I'm just thinking about your
grandson. What's he supposed to drink?

He's going to drink
some f*ck off juice.

Why don't you pour
yourself a big glass

and chug the whole f*cking
thing, you free boater!

Actually, you can
have a glass then, Ricky.

Hey, guys. Rick, come on,
everybody's waiting for you.

Where are you going
with Julian, Rick?

Dad, you promised. Everybody
calm the f*ck down.

I'm just driving Julian down to
see his lawyer, that's all. Yeah?

If you're just going to see his lawyer,
what the f*ck do you need this for?

f*ck are
you guys up to?

Lucy, I told you I'm done.
I really am this time.

I actually
freaked out Julian,

told him off and said no more.
Didn't I, Julian?

You freaked out? Told him off
and said no more, really? Yeah.

See? It's just
going to be us now

running this place
as a family.

I'm so impressed you finally
stood up to Julian.

That's amazing.
Big time.

I need you back
as soon as possible.

I need you in
that bedroom.

Okay, so tonight's for
pizza night at Pictou Pizza,

so... family pizza night?

Yeah! Yeah! Sounds good.

Okay, well...
Can I have my g*n back?

Oh, sorry.

Jesus Christ, Ricky!

What the f*ck?

It was a f*cking accident. It's
only a g*nsh*t. Calm the f*ck down!

Well, you woke the baby up.
Give me that.

What are you doing with a loaded g*n?
Come on.

Love you guys.

I can do $ for the truck

and $ for the
covered bridge.

Oh, the cock's cute.

How much do you
want for the cock?

I'd have to charge
$ for my cock.

I put a lot of work
into that one.

Thanks a lot.

Enjoy my cock.

I will.

Hey, Mr. Lahey.

You're turning into quite the
little artiste, aren't you?

Flim-flammer-Ran.
Thanks.

What's going on?

Well, I was...

just thinking about
your tender nipples

and I, um...

I brought you the
rest of the cream.

You're going to have to rub it
in yourself this time, Randy.

That's really thoughtful.
Thanks a lot.

Of course.

So, I was wondering...

if I could borrow our
old berry picking tent.

You still got that thing?

Yeah, I've still got that. Good.

What do you need that for? You've got
your camper down at the campground.

Oh, I was thinking
of getting away,

maybe going down to the
lake and having a...

you know...

Thinking of going away?
Yeah.

Down to the lake?

I know what you're
doing, Mr. Lahey.

You're giving up.
Oh, Randy.

Well, guess what?

I'm not giving you that
berry picking tent,

the one that we spent
so many nights in

picking blueberries
and cranberries

and having fun.

No way.
Randy,

I need it.

Don't let those...
excuse my language...

Don't let those friggin'
butchy frig-b*tches

frig you over like this!

It's not that simple,
Super Ran-man, honestly.

Yes it is, Mr. Lahey.

You know what? You're not
the man you used to be.

The man you used to be

wouldn't stand
for this bullshit.

You need to grow a set.

f*ck...

Doesn't even look like a
f*cking lawyer's office.

It looks like Norman
Bates lives here.

Who the f*ck's that?

He used to bang
your mama.

Norman Bates didn't
bang anybody's mama.

Made with love and
Poppa Karlsen's clean feet.

Now endorsed by...
Board of Health.

We have the Clooneys, the
Careys, the Lettermans,

and new this week,
the Buseys!

Biggest chompers
on the market!

Any look you want we can do!

We pay cold hard cash
for your gold teeth

and any other gold
you want to get rid of!

And % discount
cash!

I'm Sam Loscarino,
the Denture King,

and I'm re-inventing
the wheel with teeth!

Is that f*cking for real?

I think so.

"Loscarino"?

Now get in here,
you ugly piss-shitters.

The Denture King is open
: to : , or : ,

Monday to Friday,
except for days when it's not.

Ahh! Son of a
cock helmet!

Ricky! What the f*ck
are you doing?

f*ck you, chair!
Sorry, it's an old chair.

f*cking assh*le.

These chairs are
f*cked, man.

Yeah, well, uh,

I'll see what I can
pick up later on.

Okay?
Jesus Christ.

No, let's work
some magic.

Ricky, just sit still!
Rick...

It's just so lean-y.
I kn...

Everybody okay? Now do you
want the good news first

or do you want the kind
of news that feels

like a rhinoceros is f*cking
you up the poop-chute?

Ohh, Jesus...
Now the good news is,

I just delayed
the trial by ,

well days.

Now... So what you just did
there, that cost bucks?

Mm-hmm. f*cking
ridiculous, isn't it?

But I don't
make the rules.

Now the other news is,
well, you're f*cked.

That screeching banshee is
going to win this case %.

Wait. What the f*ck
is going on here?

We spent the wedding money and
we're still going to lose? Yeah.

I can't get the image of a
rhinoceros getting behind me

with his big meat log out of my f*cking
head now. Bubbs, Bubbs, please.

Listen, man, don't sit there
and say you can't do anything.

You always got
a f*cking angle.

All right, look.

There is a chance we
could win this dirty,

backstreet dumpster
whore of a case.

But I'd have to bring in
another lawyer.

Now I know the perfect S.O.B,

but he isn't f*cking
cheap, okay?

Can you guarantee
that we'd win?

Well, he's your best
sh*t against that...

filthy ditch pig!

So it looks like we've just got
to come up with or grand.

That shouldn't be too f*cking
tough, boys. Oh, yeah,

just pull or f*cking grand
out of the air! No problem.

And no f*cking guarantee
we're going to win anyway!

He said this guy
was the f*cking best.

What's our other option?
To give up?

Boys, all we've got to do is
one simple little f*cking job.

Oh, yeah. Here we f*cking go.
What's the f*cking job?

We're going to rob The
Denture King, tonight.

Denture King... He's got
cash and gold, boys.

You know he's not f*cking
putting any money in the bank.

So we just walk in and rob
f*cking Captain Cave Sam

and all the problems are solved?
Yeah.

You guys can f*cking rob Captain
Cave Sam, if you want. I'm not.

Did you forget what I telled you?
I'm f*cking done!

Ricky, this is going to be the
easiest f*cking job we've ever done!

Sam's an idiot!

Yeah, right. Listen to
me and listen to me:

I'm f*cking out!
No more!

And tonight's
f*cking pizza night.

Look, I love my
f*cking family, boys.

Do not ask me
to f*ck that up.

Pizza night...

All right, what do we want on these
f*cking things? I'm good with anything.

Let's get one with no meat.

What are you?
A vege-tenarian now?

Pizza has f*cking meat.
That's what makes it pizza.

I'm allergic to,
uh, green peppers.

That doesn't even
make f*cking sense.

It's true. It gives
him the shits.

Hey, what's up, little Mo?
What's up, buddy?

I need you for a sec, man. Something
weird going on in my trailer.

You've got to check
the pipes or something.

Pipes? What pipes? I don't really
know much about pipes, man.

Get Bubbles to do it. He's
good at that sh*t. He's busy.

I know you can do this, man.
You're smart at this sh*t.

Come on. It'll
just take a minute.

I guess I know a little
bit about pipes.

All right, you guys
figure it out.

But I'm f*cking paying.

So meat on both.

So which pipes are f*cked? Is it a leak?
What the f*ck's going on?

It better not be your sh*t pipe.
I'm not working on that.

There's nothing wrong with the pipes, man.
I just had to talk to you for a minute.

Look, just so you know, the last
thing any of us would want to do

is f*ck over things between
you and your family, okay?

Are you f*cking kidding
me right now? Just stop!

I am not helping you guys break
into Cavey's! f*ck that!

Rick, we don't want you to
do this job with us, man.

We just need a drive,
in Lucy's car,

because the car blends in.
Drive? f*ck you.

That's still doing
the job, isn't it?

No, it isn't, man.

You drop us off.
You wait in the car.

Keep look-out for us. In
and out in minutes, man.

You go pick up the pizza and come home.
Everybody's happy.

You do nothing wrong,
nothing illegal.

Hey Ricky, driving mah-fuckas
around was illegal,

I'd be in jail for life!

You know what I'm sayin'!
That's what's real!

And I'll be able to pay back that
wedding money just like I promised.

All right.
I'll f*cking drive you guys,

not coming in!

That's what your
old man used to say!

"I'm not coming in!"

Under a minute!

Nice work, Bubbs!

- Yes!
- Under a minute?

That's what your
mom used to say!

Just everything you say, he just
says it's about your mother.

Like, it's not
that clever, really.

Yeah.

Leslie!
Jim Lahey!

How the hell are you?

I'm fan-freaking-tastic!
Nice!

I'm back on my meds.
Wonderful.

Feeling as good almost as when we
were running Sunnyvale together.

You know, before
the craziness.

And you, Jim? Yeah?
You look great.

Thanks. You look sober. Oh...

I never felt better in my life.
You know why?

The liquor
has been b*at!

Got it b*at, have you, Jim?
Absolutely.

Well, that's great.

These are a little tricky
for one person. Yeah.

Will Randy be giving you
a hand putting it up?

Oh, I highly doubt that.

Well, where are you
setting up? I could, uh,

come and help you out, catch
up, talk about old times.

Yeah, I really appreciate it but I'm
trying to leave the past behind,

if you know what I mean.
All of it.

I understand.
Right.

But, if you change your
mind, I'm here for you.

And I'm stronger
than ever.

Ricky, can you turn off
the religious horseshit?

It's stuck on this f*cking
channel, I told you that.

Well, do we need
to have it on?

It makes a lot of sense, some
of the stuff they're saying.

Yeah, 'cause your
dad brainwashed you.

What time is it?
It's, like, almost : ,

it's a minute after : .
There he is.

Man, he looks f*cked.

Look at his hair.

How did he
grow it back?

He didn't, Ricky.
It's a f*cking toupee,

- or whatever they call it.
- Let's go.

Here we go...

No big deal,
just a little...

done it many times.

Nothing to worry about.

Let's do it.

Turn off the f*cking camera. No,
leave the f*cking camera on.

I want proof I wasn't
in there with you guys.

This is f*cking k*lling me right
now not going with these guys.

There's no better
feeling doing a B&E,

reapin' off some
dumb-dumb idiot.

Hit off that? No?

Anyway,

I'm lucky Lucy's stayed
with me this long.

And I can't risk
losing my family again.

Right now I'm doing nothing wrong.
Just waiting for my pizzas to cook.

Nothing illegal about that.

And it's not a lie if you
believe it's not happening.

And I do.

I still can't believe
we made this thing.

It's not a thing, silly.

I know, but you
know what I mean.

I just love our
family so much.

I know.

That was so
scary yesterday

when I thought you were
going to go to jail.

It got me thinking.

Let's just do it.
Make me your wife.

I'd love to, Trinity, but there's
still so much planning to do.

Wedding. Doesn't take much.
Come on.

Spontaneous weddings are
pretty f*cking romantic.

Uh, okay. When?

I don't know. This weekend?
Might as well.

What do you think?

I don't...

This is f*cking
useless, boys.

I mean, what good
is that? I can't...

there's nothing
I can do.

It's just a f*cking
guessing game.

Just keep guessing.

What would he put in?
Cave?

C-A-V-E.

d*ck? What about d*ck?

D-I-C...

What makes a lie?
For it to be a lie,

someone would have to find
out that it is a lie.

So, if they don't,
then it's not really a lie.

f*cking
minutes? Are you kidding me?

Jesus, f*ck my ass!
Shut off the f*cking camera!

What the f*ck is
taking so long?

It took us a while to
find the f*cking thing.

It was hidden behind this.
And he can't open it!

It's f*cking
digital, Ricky.

I can't hear the
clickers inside.

Well, pry the
f*cking thing open!

We f*cking tried, dawg.

sh*t's tighter than your mama.
Ray!

Boys, I need to pick up
my f*cking pizzas.

Well, what the f*ck are
we supposed to do, Ricky?

Oh, God is f*cking me
right now! f*ck's sakes!

What are you going to do? Oh,
f*ck, look out! Right on, buddy.

Ray! f*ck, you're here, man!
Ray!

Yeah, Ricky!

- Nice work, Ricky.
- Nice work.

Thank f*ck you're here, man.
I'm not here!

This is not even f*cking
happening right now!

Ricky!

f*ck... She's moving. No, look,

she's bolted right
to the f*cking...

right to the studs.

We need a rope. Don't you got
a f*cking rope in the car?

Get the f*ck out of the way!

I want to marry
you so bad, Trin.

I'd do it tomorrow
if I could.

You know I love you more than
everything on the planet, right?

So what's the hold-up? It doesn't
have to be anything crazy.

It's sort of about
the romance.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Guys, the wedding money's all gone.
What?

Ricky and I had to lend it all
to Julian to help keep the park.

All of it?
I'm so sorry.

Those f*cking bastards!

I'm going to f*cking
k*ll him!

Ricky is such
a f*cking loser!

Here, tie this to
the back of the car.

I got you, you man.

I forget my knots, dawg. I'm all
panicked in my mind. Man, you...

You went to camp, man.
You know how to do this.

Round the thing, dawg. Bunny ears
and that sh*t. One more knot.

Should I do, like,
a bowman or some sh*t?

No, just tie it real tight.
Is that dope?

That's good.
Aight, you man!

Gotta peace the
f*ck out, dawg.

Get over here, dawg!

Safe come flyin'...

Oh, sh*t!

Ricky, hang on
a second, dawg!

Oh, my f*ck, you tied it
to the f*cking bumper?

You said tie it to the back,
that's what we did, dawg.

Tie it to the f*cking
frame underneath!

Well, you've got to be
specific with a m*therf*cker!

You just said tie it to the back, dawg.
That's what we did!

Technically that is the
back of the car, though.

Dude, we'll just put it
back on right quick.

Just back up, dawg.
Jesus, boys,

you ripped the f*cking... I'm
going to have to fix that.

f*cking
dumb-dumb fucks!

Tie it to the frame! Hurry up!
Look at this sh*t!

Lucy's going to f*cking
lose her g*dd*mn mind!

Can you back up a bit, dawg?
We don't have enough rope

to reach the frame. You
know what I'm sayin'? f*ck!

Ray, that mah-fucka
cranky today.

g*dd*mn s-stupid

f*cking piece of sh*t tent!

What the f*ck?

Barb!

Hey, Barb!

Oh, hey, Jim.
Hi.

Listen, I feel awful bad that you
guys don't have a place to live,

so I bought you a tent.

Oh! And all you need
to do is set it up.

Oh, that is so sweet of you,
but you've got to be joking.

The three of us are
not sleeping in a tent.

You can.

Come on, Barb.
This is crazy!

Look, you take
the tent or leave,

because I can't live like this
for another f*cking week!

A week? Yeah. Oh, no.

Julian has got the court
case postponed for days.

We're here for
another month.

Abso-f*cking-lutely
not, Barb! Ow!

What did you say?

Did you just say
we could stay,

long as we want?

Yup.
Yeah. I thought so.

Now get the f*ck in your tent
before I glue your lips shut

with my slow-drying
man cement.

What a d*ck!

Ray! Aight, Ricky, it's popped out
the wall, dawg. Slow down, dawg!

We finally got it out. f*ck, let's go.
Come on, man!

That sh*t worked like a maf'k, hah?
sh*t.

Come on, T,
grab an end, dawg.

Blah! Blah!

Ray! It's mah-f*cking
heavy, too, ain't it?

Ricky, that worked, dawg!

- Right on. Hurry up, boys!
- Come on! Let's go!

Get it in the f*cking trunk!
Let's go!

Can we put it down?
I need a rest, dawg.

Boys, what the f*ck are you doing?
Come on... Taking a rest...

f*ck out of here!

Oh my Christ, this
sh*t's heavy, dawg!

Get in! Hurry up!

You think she'll
be that mad, Ricky?

Does a bear sh*t
on the pope?

What? No, no one
shits on the pope.

Good luck, buddy.

Maybe Ricky'll be able
to talk his way out of it.

- Not this time, man.
- She's going to f*cking snap.

Hide behind the trailer, boys.
Don't let them see us.

Trin, stay in the house. Ricky,
where the f*ck have you been?

You've been gone
for almost two hours!

Oh, what's in the trunk?

Lucy, look what he did to your f*cking car!
The bumper's off!

Oh, Ricky!
f*cking idiot!

I know, I know. It's bad.
It's a f*cking long story.

Holy sh*t! There's
a safe in here, too.

What did you do?

Calm down, all right? I
went to pick up the pizzas

and this f*cking
idiot backs into me

and he's got
no insurance, no money.

So he gave me the safe he
had with him as payment.

That's your best
story, huh?

You're such a f*cking
idiot, Ricky!

Why don't you
blow me, Sarah?

Why don't you
f*cking blow yourself

'cause Lucy's not
going to anymore!

You couldn't leave it
for just one day?

You couldn't
just let it go?

So some guy
backed into you

and he gave you
a safe as payment?

Is that... that's your story?
I know it sounds crazy

but that's pretty much
what the f*ck...

You are so full of sh*t!

I'm so sick of your lies!
You want the truth, Lucy?

The truth is, I don't even know what
the f*ck happened. How about that?

That's bullshit and I know what
happened to Trin's wedding money.

You are such a selfish
piece of sh*t!

Lucy, what was done

was done because I love this family.
Enough! Enough!

All right? Tonight you're sleeping in the car,
your f*cking car!

f*ck my tits with
a f*cking rainbow!

That's what your mama said!

Inappropriate timing.

Jesus, boys. He's eating
ground pizza.

Cock! Piece of sh*t!

f*cking sh*t-tent!

Nothin'...

I had to increase
the allowable level.

But I'm still not feeling it.

Just...

go up another floor.

Ohh!

Let's save a little
bit for later.

Home sweet home.

f*ck off!

Ahh...

Actually...

It's not all that
bad, you know?

So in the event there's only
gold and silver in that thing,

will this fancy-ass lawyer
take that as payment or what?

Ah, silver not so much but gold
would do very, very nicely.

For him.

I think that's it, boys.

There, she just let go.

She let go.

Oh, my f*ck!
It's empty?

Just wait.
It's not empty.

What is that, gold?

No, it looks like somebody's
whizzled old teeth.

f*ck!

Well, that's a cobra strike
to all of our erect wangs!

Them shits must be Sam's old sluts
that he jarred up right quick

after he got them shiny
joints up in he mouths, hah?

Yeah but why the f*ck would he
leave his old teeth in his safe

with nothing else
in the mah-fucker?

That is f*cked! Teeth!

This is cocked
beyond f*ck, boys.

I might have just lost my family
over Sam's sh*t-covered cave teeth?

Thanks, Julian.
Thanks, man.

f*ck!

How's it going, Randy?

Got a tip about a
B&E that led us here.

You know anything
about that, cutie pie?

No, I don't.

Well, then we're going to have to go
into the park and take a look around.

Unless, of course, you want
to come for a drive and...

do a little
downhill skiing.

Frig off! Nice try.

I'm not going downhill
skiing with you guys.

I'm not a tenderized,
marinated piece of meat

that gets passed around
for everyone to nibble on.

Fine, Randy. Too bad.

Downhill skiing
would have been fun.

Instead,

we'll go see if we
can throw a...

few of your low-life
friends in jail.

f*ck, I hate losing.

Yeah, yeah, me too.

But I might have
another option

to help pay for this
dragon slut of a trial.

And what's that?
Done any acting?

Acting? Yeah. I'm no f*cking
Clint Eastwood, man.

I've never acted before.
I just mean pretending.

You see, I've got
a client who's...

he's going bankrupt, and he's
trying to pull an insurance scam.

There's no risk,
it's a big score,

a truck full of
easy-to-pawn items.

It sounds too good to be true.
No, seriously.

The truck driver's in on it too.
He's taking a cut.

Look, you pull them over, you make
it look like you're robbing them,

you take off with the truck
with everything in it.

It's easy-peasy.

Cops! Shut down the music.

Evening, guys. Can I
help you with something?

You sure can, Julian.

We'd like to come in
and take a look around.

You don't have a problem
with that now, do you,

big dog?

B-b-b-b-b... I assume you
have a warrant, huh?

Look who's here.
Super Lawyer.

Why you haven't been disbarred
yet, I'll never know.

We don't need a warrant to walk
through a public establishment.

Even you should know that.
Well, that would be true

if said establishment
was open for business.

But fortunately for Julian,
it's closed tonight.

So in order for you to go
in and have a look around

before it opens
in the morning,

you do in fact need
a search warrant.

This the way you want
to play it, Julian?

He's got nothing to hide.

He's just tired and
wants to go to bed.

Know anything about the break-in
down at The Denture King?

I've been here
all day, man.

Pretty funny actually, because
whoever took the safe

didn't realize
it was empty.

I bet the look your
face was priceless.

You mean the look on the person
that took the safe's face.

I wasn't there, Ted!

Sorry...

sorry, sorry...

Sorry, Julian.
I couldn't keep them out.

Why the f*ck not?

Because I'm not getting
paid enough to do the...

the things that they want me to
do to them to keep them out.

Do what things to them?

Look, if you don't like the job
I'm doing, find someone else.

When am I even going
to get friggin' paid?

Soon, Randy. Soon? Yes, soon.

A nice accurate answer, Julian.
Friggin' soon.

Jesus Christ...

I wish this whole f*cking park
was private property, man.

Then the cops would
need a warrant

to even get through
the front f*cking gate.

Is that possible?
You're g*dd*mn right it is.

I mean there'd be some zoning issues...
Another grand.

But this whole place would
be private f*cking property.

Then we could basically do whatever
the f*ck we wanted in here.

Yes, you could,
my friend.

All right. Let's do it.
Yeah!

Pull the trigger on that insurance scam,
too. I'll tell the boys about it.

All right,
you got it. Uh...

But that greasy bastard wants a
thousand bucks up front for that too.

My hands are tied.
You understand.

All right, let's just do it.
All right!

You owe me bucks
for that drink too.

Yeah, sure.

f*ck! f*ck! f*ck off! f*ck!...

f*ck off! Jesus Christ!

f*ck.

f*ck off.