06x10 - Bad Blood

[bunniefuu]

[GENTLE MUSIC]

Hm.

♪ ♪

Is this your plan, old boy?

Force me to watch you
smack your lips together

like some sort of blonde ape
until I tell you

when I stashed the map to
the Fountain of Imperium?

It won't work.

I offered to be your partner once,

and you locked me in a
ruddy chest with that witch.

That's right.

Mmm.

Mmm-mmm.

Oh, you filthy, uncouth scoundrel!

Now you're gonna tell
me where the map is,

or I'm gonna desecrate your
painting with my bodily fluids.

Just get this lump off my face!

Okay.

I entrusted the map to
a banker to hold on to

until my eventual resurrection.

All right then, partner.

What's this banker's name, eh?

[DOORBELL CHIMES]

Noelle, I presume.

Constantine.

Hm.

Aren't you going to invite me in?

You're a vampire.

It's best you come in then.

- Where's Aleister?
- Don't worry about him.

From now on, you'll deal with me.

You have my million pounds.

million quid. Bloody hell.

How much interest have
you been charging, Vampy?

- [HISSES]
- All right, all right.

Calm down, don't get your
knickers all in a knot.

See, I'm offering something far
more valuable than dosh, love.

A favor.

What could you possibly do for me?

Spare your immortal life, for one.

One word and sunshine
will turn you to ashes.

- Clever.
- Hm.

I'm John Constantine, love.

Clever doesn't even
begin to describe it.

Now hand over what you
were holding for Crowley

and you can be on your merry little way.

Go on. Set it on the table.

Now that you've invited me in, mon cher,

I can come back anytime I want.

[CHUCKLES]

I have magical runes powerful
enough to keep out worse

than the likes of you, sweetheart.

Aleister's as well.

A little potion I procured for him.

One day, you might get a taste for it.

One day, you might be positively

gagging for the stuff.

Crowley, you sneaky wank.

[EXCITING MUSIC]

♪ ♪

♪ Lullaby and good night ♪

♪ With roses bedight ♪

♪ With lilies o'er spread ♪

♪ Is Gussies's wee bed ♪

♪ Lay thee down now, rest ♪

♪ Let thy slumber be blessed ♪

♪ Lay thee down now and rest ♪

♪ Let thy slumber be blessed ♪

- [TRIANGLE CHIMES]
- Sleep tight, little buddy.

[SNORING SOFTLY]

Superhero, a totem bearer,

and an alien named Gary
becomes singing mannies.

Did I just invent our spinoff?

Are you recording because Sarah and Ava

asked for constant updates?

They don't think

we can survive one weekend
without them, do they?

Listen, I just want them to
look for their wedding venue

without dealing with these dummies

[SCREECHES]

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

♪ Lullaby and goodnight ♪

No more singing. I
can't take it anymore.

That little snot's not
crying 'cause it's tired.

It's got growing pains.

Well, he does not look any bigger.

[SNARLING, CLICKING]

He said the Gusarax life
cycle is only rotations.

Uh, what does that mean?

Yeah, I can see where
this is going, new Zari.

Technically, I'm...
I'm the original Zari.

- The OZ.
- The one and only.

Yeah, I'm not translating for Gary

just because he lost his glasses.

And I'm definitely not
helping y'all parse

Gus's every gurgle.

If I wanted to take care of a baby,

I would have stayed in Texas

and married the first jerk I kissed.

Yeah, she's really got that
new girl on the ship vibes.

Leeching human souls

wasn't quite enough for you,
was it, Master Crowley?

No, no, no, no. You were juicing.

What a crass term.

I was reaching for new mystical heights

aided by a rare cocktail of bloods.

You absolute tosspot.

You know as well as I do
that magic this powerful,

it comes at a terrible, terrible price.

It's because of that potion
that you have the map.

In , I took a rather large dose

and fell into a trance,

where an extraterrestrial
dictated the map to me.

Pity he didn't speak English.
I might've discovered

where in the heavens
the Fountain was hidden.

Yes, the heavens.

You see that's where
you were going wrong.

My alien mate, Gary,

he reckons that the Fountain of Imperium

is somewhere here on
Earth, lost to history.

And this cut-out is the key.

Let's see.

Should fit exactly.

Spain.

That's where the Fountain was in .

Take me with you, John.
We're partners now, right?

Skip it. I've got a new partner in mind.

You know, I have other skills

besides being an alien telepath.

Couldn't literally anyone else

help you with Rory's
brood pooch instead?

Please. It'll just take a second.

- [GROANS]
- Okay, amazing.

I should warn you though,
my dad hasn't really

wrapped his head around
the whole pregnancy thing.

Men can't get pregnant!

Or didn't they teach
you that at college?

Dad, a year and a half ago in my past,

which is your future,
you ceased all contact.

Okay, if you really have
Kayla's eggs in your skull,

then maybe they'll give a
clue to what will happen.

Ever seen the movie "Alien"?

Yeah, I think we know what will happen.

Spooner, please.

Just look at the protrusion.

Have a seat.

[GRUNTS]

[GROANS]

Ay Dios mio.

Oh-oh-oh, what sordid
scene am I interrupting?

Never mind. Don't care.

Spooner, join me for
a sh*t and a chinwag.

Good luck with that.

Long story short, I have been
stripped of my magic in service

of transforming you back
from a fork I might add...

Okay, what do you want
me to translate, John?

A map for the Fountain of Imperium,

which according to my research
is a wellspring of magic

gifted to humans by aliens long ago

and last seen in Spain.

Whoa.

This is... this is cool.

Only those whom are worthy
may drink from this fountain.

That's typical prophecy malarkey.

I need a location.

All right, well, this main
star here is Albacete.

- Albacete.
- Mm-hmm.

That's a city in the southeast of Spain.

[LIGHT DRAMATIC MUSIC]

- ♪ ♪
- _

Well, seeing as we're
in Spain, February ,

there's a few things
you ought to understand.

Now, first and foremost,
this country has just suffered

three years of a brutal
and bloody civil w*r.

Civil w*r? When were you
planning on telling me that?

I just did, and a class
w*r is more like it.

You see, on one side, you have the rich

and the m*llitary backed by n*zi Germany.

On the other side, you
have the trade unions

and the democratically
elected government of Spain.

And don't even get me started

on the devious little role
of the Catholic church.

- I'm Catholic, John.
- Yeah, well,

then you'll understand my
attitude towards priests.

I'd sooner rather break bread
with a bloody demon.

Okay, well, nothing
on here says Fountain.

What about El Gato?

- The cat?
- Oh, no, no, no.

It's the code name to a leftist leader

that I've heard stories about.

Apparently, he survived
seven assassination attempts

and one actual crucifixion.

So? Maybe he was lucky?

Lucky? Nobody's that lucky.

That's magic.

My guess, El Gato drank
from the Fountain.

Well, if you want to find a man,

why don't we just ask at
the local watering hole?

Hm.

[LIVELY MUSIC]

- ♪ ♪
- _

[SPEAKING SPANISH] _

_

_

_

The bar is closed to outsiders.

Especially fascist spies.

Are you taking the mickey?

Do I look like a bloody fascist?

- You look like a German?
- He has a point.

No, he doesn't.

I'll have you know that I served

with the POUM militia at Jarama.

You were in the trenches of Jarama?

I was.

What did you grease your r*fle with?

Oh, you mean the rusted antique

that they supplied me with?

I had to grease it with olive oil.

Water was in such short supply
that we had to shave with wine,

which is a bloody shame if you ask me,

but the worst part was the lice.

Those evil buggers they were as...

As big as boils.

- As boils, yes.
- Compadre!

[LAUGHTER]

Let us toast to our fallen
brothers in arms, huh?

Yeah.

Gideon said John and Spooner
took the jump ship to Spain,

so I thought theme night.

One slice of Tortilla Espanola
for the señorita.

Are you sure you should be drinking?

Yeah, why?

Hey, I for one

think it's really cool
that you're pregnant.

The next person that says pregnant,

I'm taking 'em with me

on a nose dive outside
the emergency hatch.

Wow, real mature, Dad.

So what's your plan?

You're just gonna pretend
this isn't happening?

That's exactly what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna pretend Kayla
didn't do this ear stuff to me

without warning me first.

Well, you didn't give Mom a warning.

Niko and I didn't plan our baby,

but we're dealing with it.

Oh, guys, Gus-y is aging rapidly.

- He's like a teenager now.
- Okay.

No-no, a-a hormonal, giant teenager.

[LOUD SNARLING]

Come on. Vamonos!

Pregnant people, stay.

You're pregnant.

Amigos, the International
Brigade has already left.

Why are you still here?

We heard of a man who continues to fight

the fascist bastards.

He goes by the name of El Gato.

They say he can't be k*lled.

I also have heard of this man, El Gato.

Very mysterious.

- Do you know his secret?
- Mañana, mañana.

It's late. I have to turn in.

Come on, mate. Indulge me, yeah?

My cousin told me El Gato has
drunk from a magical source.

- Oh.
- Hm.

What kind of source?

In the village over,

there's a donkey

with great big... how do you say?

- Udders.
- Ah, sí.

- Magical udders.
- Oh.

The milk makes El Gato impervious

to even a hail of b*ll*ts
from the fascist scum.

Well, to the donkey.

Hey, salud!

Adios.

- Magical donkey?
- I don't know.

I don't hear a load of crap
like that these days, yeah.

Agreed. And that man we were
talking to, he was El Gato.

Undoubtedly.

Probably came down from the
mountains to get some supplies.

Yeah, you clock the old farmer?

Yeah, looks like he was
guarding something, perhaps...

A door to the cellar around back.

With the Fountain below, yeah.

[LIGHT SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[MYSTICAL SHIMMERING]

Mm, yeah, something alien
is down here all right.

And it's powerful.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Hey, it's all right.

It's okay, it's okay.

Ah, La Torrera.

Yeah, yeah, looks like you, love.

Oh, very funny, John.

What's your name, lad?

Cómo te llamas?

- [MYSTICAL SHIMMERING]
- Fernando.

Fernando?

The alien power's coming from the kid.

He's mute, but I can hear
what he's thinking.

He must've drunk from the fountain.

- Hm.
- [VEHICLE ENGINE RUMBLING]

John.

[TENSE MUSIC]

♪ ♪

- [SPEAKING SPANISH] _
- Corre!

Good evening.

My name is Capitan Noriega.
I have news from the front.

Madrid has fallen.

The Republic is done.

I've been sent not
just by General Franco,

but by the great Herr h*tler himself

to hunt down a man

known as El Gato.

You see, this man has
drunk from an occult relic

of immense interest to Herr h*tler,

the Fountain of Imperium.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Sounds like Herr h*tler
believes in fairy tales.

You could say my
specialty is fairy tales.

The Spear of Destiny, the Loom of Fate,

I've studied them all.

Before the night is over, I
will know El Gato's secrets.

Hm.

I don't know where this El Gato is,

but I have a lead on a magical donkey.

Search him.

Line everyone up and sh**t
them one by one until he talks.

[LIGHT DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

I'm the one you're looking for, eh?

Spooner, Spooner, no!

Bollocks.

Oh, I know exactly who you are...

- [GROANS]
- [PEOPLE GASP]

El Gato.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Fernando...

♪ ♪

[GROANS]

[GASPS]

Gracias.

At last.

Here is the key to the Fountain.

No.

Search the rest of the
tavern. Arrest everyone.

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

[GROANING]

Bollocks and bloody bollocks!
Come on, Johnny, think.

Think, think, think,
think, think, think.

You can't leave her there.
You can't leave...

[CHURCH BELL RINGING]

[GROANS]

[RINGING CONTINUES]

That's it, Gus, the
gloves are coming off.

Watch out.

Oh, you messed up now, hombre.

Gus-Gus has continued
to age at a rapid rate.

I'm afraid the Legends
are quite outmatched.

Should we do something?

They'll be fine.

[GROANS SOFTLY]

What is it?

Nothing.

Is it your head?

So?

So what if this is it?

What if Kayla's eggs
burst out of that thing

on the back of your neck and k*ll you?

We need to get you to the med bay now.

- Not gonna happen.
- Why the hell not?

'Cause I deserve it.

What are you talking about?

[GENTLE MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Dad...

what are you talking about?

Kayla didn't disappear.

I left her on a planet full
of lizard people to die.

Oh.

Well, you must've had a reason, right?

Hm.

To get back to you.

But in my line of work, there's a code.

You never leave your
partner behind, and I did.

Ooh.

I deserve everything
that's coming my way.

Oh, Dad, I'm going into labor.

- What?
- Yeah.

[MUFFLED SCREAMING]

[SPANISH BALLAD PLAYING]

♪ ♪

[MUFFLED SCREAMING CONTINUES]

[THINKING IN SPANISH] _

_

_

_

_

El Gato has become quite chatty.

He tells me you're his nephew.

Fernando, it's your turn to talk.

He can't. He's mute.

Hm. We'll see about that.

Tell me the location of the Fountain,

or I slash her throat.

- Hm?
- [POUNDING IN DOOR]

Buongiorno.

Ciao, signores.

I am father Constantine, and
I have orders from the Vatican.

Mi scusi. Mi scusi.

I have been sent to by several
senior cardinals of Roma

to track down an ancient
and powerful relic.

The Fountain of Imperium?

You know of this relic?

Herr h*tler is also after the Fountain.

Eccellente. Then we will work together.

I was just about to question the boy.

Please, Capitan, allow me.

[GUS SNARLING]

Mick, what are you doing? You
gotta get Lita back inside.

- She's having a baby!
- Oh, baby.

I need to get her to the med bay!

Tarazi siblings.

Activate.

- [GROANING]
- Come and get it!

[SNARLING]

Gus.

[SNARLING]

Again!

[SNARLING]

Oh.

Gideon!

Okay, Dad, wait. I'm so sorry.

For what?

I'm not actually in labor.
I just needed to get us

to the med bay in case
you were in labor.

But I might have misjudged a little bit.

So sorry.

You tricked me.

It's 'cause she loves you, Mick.

- We all do.
- No, debatable.

Everyone out.

We'll see you at the next
doctor's appointment, okay?

Out!

♪ Dei gratia, neccesitudo inter duos ♪

I am conducting a sacred ceremony

creating a telepathic gateway

between this child and this virgin.

Your methods are extraordinary.

Indeed. Grazie. Grazie.

Now, where is the Fountain of Imperium?

[THINKING IN SPANISH] _

_

Un dia el año pasado...

One day last year, my mom
left me with my uncle

to go to the Front.

That night the planes came.

Suddenly everything was burning

and full of smoke and dust.

Nunca había visto tanta sangre.

I'd never seen so much blood.

A b*mb had exploded next to me,

so I ran as far and as fast as I could.

I hid in a cave and prayed
for some way to save my uncle.

He was next to me when the b*mb blew up.

Apareció un precioso ángel.

A beautiful angel appeared

and told me to drink from the fountain.

And that's when I felt it, the power.

I returned to my uncle
and healed his wounds.

Oh.

Yes, sí sí.

And he has been bringing his
uncle back to life ever since.

Where is this cave?

Some water, per favore.

Forget the water. The cave!

Ah, but captain, I am parched.

Grazie, grazie.

And now you can ask him.

[MYSTICAL WHIRRING]

[THINKING IN SPANISH] _

_

I don't know. I was lost for days.

Unacceptable.

You know, there is one thing

that I never understood
about the fascists.

What is it that you see
in Herr h*tler, hmm?

Is it that he's a pissant with one ball?

[SCREAMING]

Viva la Revolución.

Save Fernando!

Come on, let's go.

Spooner! Spooner, the door!

John, we have to go back.

What? Are you mental? Why?

The fascists will k*ll everyone.

You know what happened in
the Spanish Civil w*r, right?

The moral side, it didn't win.

Now get the boy to lead us to the cave.

Oh, come on, I know you
were bloody lying, all right?

Yeah, well, I'm not helping you

finish your ridiculous, selfish quest.

Quest? This is real. My
connection to magic is lost.

Boo-hoo. What's so bad
about being normal?

You don't think that kid would
give just about anything

to have a normal life
again? I know I would.

Yeah well, some people want

picket fences and ponies, don't they?

Oh yeah. And what do you want?

You want me stay here and risk my life

so I can help you get your magic back.

Give me a reason.

You know where I'm from,

being normal is being crushed

by the boot of capitalism
and then blaming it

on anyone with brown skin.

It's being told that only degenerates

can fancy men and women.

It's your old man coming
home drunk every night

and b*ating you to a pulp
because that's what

his old man done to him,
but magic, Spooner,

the ability to break the rules,

to stick it to the rich
and the powerful,

that's who I am.

And I'm nothing without
it, Spooner. I'm nothing.

[MUMBLES]

I can't believe I'm saying this.

All right, John. You win.

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

The fountain's dried up.

- Esta aquí.
- He said that's where

the water came from
that the angel gave him.

This is just a bunch of bloody rocks!

- Bollocks!
- Okay, ease up, John.

All right, all right, just...

just give me a second, all right?

All right, all right.
Now here's what we do.

You know, I told the captain
that I was forging

a connection between the two of you.

Now that connection is very, very real.

Now, you can use it to push
Fernando's magic into me.

All you need is a clear intention.

Okay, wait, so you want me to
help steal Fernando's magic?

- What happens to him?
- No, no, no.

This is a way to protect Fernando, yeah?

You know, give him a normal
life away from all the Nazis

chasing him and the alien powers.

Don't pretend for an instant
you care about Fernando.

- Vete al diablo.
- All right. Okay.

Yes, I am the wankiest of all
wankers, but do me a favor.

While I go and check to see
that no one has followed us,

you talk to Fernando.

He can give his magic
to me or he can keep it.

Now that's his choice, innit?

[GENTLE MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Hombres, más rápido.

Rápido, rápido!

They can't be far off.

- Esta seguro?
- Sí, sí.

- Anyone?
- No, no, all clear.

Fernando wants to make a deal.

Smart play, kid. What's your price?

He gives you his powers.

You use them to help find his mom.

She was supposed to
return to the tavern.

I told them she's probably
not going to come back,

but he doesn't wanna believe me.

Done.

John, I hope you thought this through.

No, the kid's made his choice.

Sit down, yeah? Good boy.

All right, what do I do?

Now, all you need to do is

focus your alien connection on the boy,

and you focus quickly, yeah?

- Yeah, I'm no wizard, John.
- Oh, aren't you?

So I haven't seen you
stop a giant sandworm

with your mind, have I?

- Hm.
- Exactly.

[LIGHT SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

[MYSTICAL WHIRRING]

[GROANS] I can't.

Look, magic, you know,

it's all about connection, all right?

Now, I use words to focus my mind.

Do you know any quotes?

I mean, there's a stupid
song stuck in my head.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that'll do.
It's not about the words, per se.

It's more about the intention.

Now, remember, you're giving
this kid an opportunity

that you never had, the chance
at a normal life, all right?

You can do this.

♪ Lullaby and good night ♪

♪ Red roses bedight ♪

[MYSTICAL SHIMMERING]

♪ With lilies o'er spread ♪

♪ Is Gussies's wee bed ♪

♪ Lay thee down now and rest ♪

♪ May thy slumber be blessed ♪

♪ Lay thee down now and rest ♪

♪ Thy slumber be blessed ♪

Whoa, whoa, where's it going?

Where's it going? I could feel it.

I could feel it. It was right here.

It was right... you give me
back my bloody magic!

- Hey, John.
- Give me my magic.

Stop, John!

The prophecy. The prophecy said.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Only the worthy may
drink from the fountain.

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

You take the boy and hide.

What are you gonna do, John?

Only a bastard could vanquish a monster.

Go.

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

Bottoms up, Master Crowley.

Father Constantine.

Where is the Fountain?

I won't ask you again.

[DARK MUSIC]

[EERIE SINGING]

♪ ♪

Dios mio.

♪ ♪

[LAUGHS]

♪ ♪

[LAUGHTER]

[SCREAMING]

[MUSIC DISTORTS]

[GROANING]

♪ ♪

[SQUELCHING]

John.

[GENTLE MUSIC]

♪ ♪

I'm relieved to announce
Mr. Rory is not in labor.

Okay, so what about
the pain in his head?

Perfectly normal considering
Necrian eggs

are rattling around Mr. Rory's skull.

?

[BRIGHT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Hmm.

Tough little guppies, aren't they?

Yeah, but they get that from you.

Their mom was tough.

I'm sure Kayla would be
really happy to know

you're taking care of her babies.

She would?

Yeah, because they need you
to survive just like I do.

Oh, I found my glasses
and Sara and Ava are back

What'd we miss?

Oh, Look at their itty bitty tentacles.

Oh, Micky.

Are those...

Mine.

John, what happened back there?

I saw you drink something.

Ah, it's just a nifty little trick

to stop a n*zi numptie from
getting the better of us.

But don't worry, Texas. I
won't be drinking it again.

Truth be told, it scared
the living hell out of me.

Good. I mean, me too.

Look, wait.

We don't know what we'll find in there.

Fernando.

Ay-ay.

Tío.

Thank you.

[THUNDER CRACKLES]

No, Spoons, listen,
we failed, all right?

Spain is not gonna be safe for
Fernando, not for a long time.

And I'm just as ineffectual

as my dear old grandad

fighting bloody fascism.

That's not true.

You k*lled a lot of Franco's soldiers.

Yeah, I did.

And I bet at least one of
them wasn't a bad bloke

and once again, my soul is damned.

You know, for someone who hates church,

you sound an awful lot like a Catholic.

What, just because I'm like

full of guilt and self-loathing.

You know, my mama used to say...

never mind.

No, no, no, no, no. What
about your mama? Tell me.

She used to say,

"Somos salvodos solo po la fe".

We're saved by faith alone.

It's funny, I've...
I've forgotten her face,

but I can still remember
the sound of her voice.

We were both abducted,
and only I returned.

I should have been more like
Fernando and... and refused

to give up on her, but I lost faith.

Spoons,

you live on a time ship.

It's never too late, love.

[SNORING]

Is that painting of Crowley snoring?

- [LAUGHS]
- Shh.

[SNORING]

Wakey, wakey, Crowley.

[DARK MUSIC]

John.

To have magic back,
Spooner, it's worth it.

It's worth the risk.

Don't do it. I'll tell Zari.

No, you won't. Praeterita obliviscere.

You'll go upstairs and
you'll sleep it off.

Tomorrow you'll return to the Legends.

You'll tell them we were successful.

You'll tell them

I drank from the Fountain of Imperium.

Yes, John.

My stars. I take it you
didn't find the fountain.

Are you... are you juicing, John?

Jokes on you, dickweed.

Is that so?

Bonsoir, gentlemen.

You brought what I asked for?

Oh, and you can take him. He's yours.

John, what have you done?

No. Please, John.

You don't know who
she'll trade my soul to.

And what a lucrative trade it will be.

Get him out of my sight, will ya?

Until next time.

No. Damn you, John!

Remember all your
trials and tribulations

you only have yourself to blame.

[DOOR SLAMS]