03x02 - #IWokeUpLikeThis

[bunniefuu]

- We're gonna be late for class.
- [Esme] Come and get it.

I don't bite.

- Ow.
- I lied.

I do bite.

This isn't fair, you know. I promised
Tiny I'd make it to math class today.

Shh. Can't we skip?

Hang out, just you and
me, like it was all summer.

- And do what?
- Ooh, use your imagination.

[inhales sharply] Well,
see, I'm not that creative...

- [laughs]
- ...so you'll have to help me out.

Okay. Okay, but where would we go?

When the bell rings,
everyone will be inside.

What? And do it in the school parking
lot? What if someone catches us?

We could do something
a little more discreet.

[stammers] Right here? Right now?

Are you serious?

Guess you'll have to
skip class and find out.

♪ Whatever it takes I know
I can make it through ♪

♪ And if I hold out I know
I can make it through ♪

♪ Be the best, be the best
The best that I can be ♪

♪ Whatever it takes ♪

♪ I know I can make it I
know I can make it through ♪

[alarm clock ringing]

- [grunts]
- [ringing continues]

- [groans]
- [ringing stops]

[sighing]

[cell phone chimes]

[groans]

[knocking on door]

Rise and shine, sweetie.

[grunts]

I don't feel so hot.

You already missed most of week
one. You don't wanna get behind,

especially with university
applications around the corner.

[groans]

The doctor said you looked okay.
You must be feeling a little better.

A little.

Some fresh air will
probably do you good.

[Mrs. Matlin grunts]

I'll rise, but I can't
promise any shining.

[sniffs]

Hey, man, could I borrow
that math homework?

- Nope.
- Oh, come on. Look, I'm sorry I ditched.

- But I have a very good excuse.
- [Jonah] There actually was no homework.

'Cause we had a pop quiz.

- Damn it.
- And let me guess.

- You were with her?
- [Jonah] What, Esme?

- Zig, that girl is crazy.
- [chuckles]

Okay, look... I couldn't say no
to her this morning, all right?

You gotta understand.
There's a whole situation.

Yeah, but it's not like you
two haven't had all the sex.

Yeah, but, uh...
[softly] never at school.

You did it at school?

- [stammers]
- [Frankie chuckles] What?

- [Jonah] Really?
- [sighs] Not "it" it. Okay?

So she went down on you. Classy.

- Ew. Where?
- [Jonah chuckles]

- [stutters] In the school parking lot.
- What?

Easy, okay?

- Did you use protection?
- What? For that?

You can still get STIs,
I'm pretty sure. [chuckles]

- What kind of girl even does that?
- [Jonah] In public?

Damaged girls.

Okay, guys. Come on. She's
not that bad, all right?

She just... really likes me.

[scoffs] Yeah, but how many other
dudes has she liked in that parking lot?

Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.

Do you guys really think it's that bad?

[chuckles] I really think she's
gonna make you flunk senior year.

It's not like you're serious
about her anyway, right?

Do you think Armstrong will
let me do a make-up test?

Maybe if you ask nicely.

But... not Esme nicely.

[all chuckle]

[school bell rings]

[sighs]

Everyone, stop what you're doing.

We need to shift the business
model for our entire vlog channel.

We've retained most of Vijay's
fans from his old channel,

but we've hit a wall
with new subscribers.

So what do we do? Buy some AdWords?

- Actually, it's a simpler problem.
- Our audience is % male.

But the whole point of
All-Inclusive is to create

a safe-space channel that's
welcoming to everyone.

Obviously, our current content
just isn't that attractive to women.

No. Girls want gaming videos, too.

Maybe, but we have to find some way
to bring them to our channel first.

What would get them to the channel?

The top categories for girls are
fashion, make-up tutorials, nail art...

Have fun with that.

Actually, it has to be you.

No. We agreed on this.

Okay. Hunter reviews comics,
Vijay does song covers,

you get movies, and I do games.

We have to give the girls
someone to identify with.

[scoffs] I don't know the first
thing about these subjects, okay?

Which is why I hired a consultant.

[electronic music
playing over cell phone]

- It's rad. Is that a heart monitor?
- Yeah.

And, uh, the crash sounds,
they're actually real, too.

We smashed some stuff
together and recorded it.

It's about the bus crash?

[Grace] Yeah, and, uh, how
do you move on from a tragedy?

Or, at least, it will
be once you add lyrics.

[Jonah] Yeah, and that stuff
that Miles said in class

actually kind of inspired it.

We're sort of thinking of
making, like, a whole rock opera.

Wow.

[Armstrong] Well, hope
you're feeling better, Maya.

If not, I have a surefire cure.
Take two and call me in the morning.

Uh, actually, you do
have to do all of it.

Still... fun, right?

- [Grace] So, do you have anything?
- Besides all of last week's homework?

Uh, lyrics.

[Maya] Oh! Do you mean, like, right now?

Yeah. Uh, you know,
'cause we wanna finalize it

so we can move on to the next one.

And you're always so
fast with this stuff.

Sure, I'll come up with something.

[Grace] Great. We've got the music
room booked after school to jam.

[sighs]

[chuckles]

[Baaz on PA] This year, we're making
Degrassi a safe space for everyone.

For more information, follow
the Degrassi community page...

[sighs]

Whoa. Whoa. Don't sneak
up on me like that.

Easy, jumpy.

Figured you'd be all
relaxed from this morning.

[chuckles] Yeah, um...

Look, have you ever done that before?

[chuckles] Did I seem out of practice?

Damn. Okay.

Um, well, we could skip
lunch and try again.

[chuckles]

[stammers] I actually have a thing.

Armstrong is letting me do a make-up
quiz, so I kinda have to study.

Why didn't you say so? Let's study.

[stammers] I just thought it was
more of, like, a solo mission.

Okay, what gives?

Tiny just thinks I should focus more
on school stuff and not so much on...

Me?

He's only saying that 'cause
he's with that prude Shay.

[chuckles] Look, when we're together,
you have to admit we do tend to get...

distracted.

I'm really good at math. Seriously.

Let me help. I promise, no sexy stuff.

No matter how much you beg.

[Lola] Okay. We're
gonna raise your cheekbones,

erase these circles, and
hide these imperfections

- here, here and here...
- Imperfections?

Then, we're gonna sharpen your brow,
overdraw your lips and cinch your waist...

Whoa. I said natural. [scoffs]

Yeah. This is what it's gonna
take to get a nice, natural look.

[sighs] Is this really going to
make me more appealing to girls?

Yep. And guys, too. Big time.

- Looks like I'm wearing a... a mask.
- [chuckles softly]

Yeah, a mask that says,

"I put in a little effort
today, so come hang out."

Why wouldn't people just
wanna hang out with me for me?

Um, I don't know, but don't you
want to do what's best for the show?

[electronic music playing on cell phone]

[Maya sighs]

These things can be pretty slippery.

- [Shay] Are you okay?
- [scoffs] Definitely not.

Well, do you maybe
wanna talk to somebody?

JK. LOL. I'll be fine.

[Esme] And which one
is the hypotenuse?

Oh, you're not just a pretty face.
Now, find me the value of cosine.

- [cell phone vibrating]
- [Zig sighs]

[chuckles]

[scoffs] Are you serious right now?

Phone.

[scoffs] Okay.

Cosine. Go.

[sighs] See, I can never understand
what to do to find each one.

Oscar Had A Handful Of Apples.

- Okay. Good for Oscar. Who's Oscar?
- [chuckles]

Oscar, opposite. Had, hypotenuse.
A, adjacent. Handful, hypotenuse...

Of, opposite.

Apples, adjacent?

Precisely.

Okay. So, then...

Cosine is, uh...

[cell phone vibrates]

Okay. Uh, value. Blah, blah. Blah.

[Zig vocalizing]

Six?

Zero point six. [chuckles]

Esme?

What the hell?

[Hunter] Yael, you ready?

Don't tell me you like this.

[chuckles] I don't dislike it.

[scoffing] Okay. Let's just start.

- [Yael sighs]
- Okay. Leave room for the title card.

Hey, team. Welcome to the
All-Inclusive News and Reviews vlog.

Today we are switching gears from
games to glam, with some nail art.

Um, have you ever wanted
little galaxies on your pinkies?

If so, here's how.

Um, so start with a... a black
coat, which I've already done.

And then, um, take some
sponge and some indigo.

Uh, apply the blue to small
sections of each of your nails.

Just like this.

No, no, no.

- Oh. Should we cut and start again?
- No, this is so dumb.

You know what? The world is
not gonna be saved by nail art.

[chuckles] Yeah, but
girls seem to like it.

So? Who cares? I mean,
I can barely breathe,

mascara is dripping into
my eyes, and for what?

To make our YouTube channel successful?

Okay.

You know why girls can't get ahead?

Because they spend upwards of,
like, two hours every day doing this.

Okay? That's, like, one-tenth
of their waking life.

I mean, who cares about nail
polish? Or make-up? Or...

It's all so stupid. And you know what?

Girls who care about
this are stupid, too.

Esme, where did you go?
Why did you take my phone?

"Why," indeed. Let's
check out your group texts.

Jonah. "Make sure you get her the
jumbo Slurpee 'cause she's thirsty."

Tiny. "Are we studying or
hanging out with Easy Esme again?"

Hey, I didn't write that stuff.

Yeah, but you wrote this one.

"As long as I don't wife her, what's
wrong with some extra third base action?"

[stammers] Those are just jokes.

About me!

You're the one who's
always doing crazy stuff.

What is your issue?

Sometimes you do things
other girls wouldn't do.

[chuckles]

You calling me a slut?

Okay, then... Who's next?

- Oh, my God. Should we put a stop to this?
- [Winston] No, no.

- Esme, what are you doing?
- I'm crazy old Easy E,

and I'm gonna go out to my car and show
this young man the time of his life.

- Esme, stop.
- Oh, should I do it right here?

- Unconventional, but...
- [stammers] No...

- [Esme sighs]
- What is happening here?

That's a good question.

So, still think we were wrong about her?

My door is always open if
you have any more questions.

Maya. It's nice to see you.

Just give me a minute. I have
to make a quick phone call.

[sighs]

[Saad] That's mine.

What's up?

I don't know. It's just...

There's so much stuff, you know?

I'm just feeling...

Feeling stressed.

There's been a lot
of that going on here.

Senior year is hard.

[sighs] I don't know if it's just that.

When we spoke in the spring, you
were concerned about your music,

because you broke your wrists.

I know that you've had anxiety before,

so let's start by making
a list of all this stuff.

[Maya sighs]

So what's on your plate?

Well, there's homework.

So much homework. [chuckles]

Hmm.

University applications.

My mom's always on my
case. Does that count?

[Ms. Grell] Mmm-hmm.

Mmm, text messages I have to return,
my friends leaning on me to do things...

And that's it?

Yeah.

But...

it still feels like...

I'm being... pulled underwater...

with no way to get to the surface.

[scoffs]

[sighs]

I know it can seem hard.

But look at this list.

It's not that big.

And there's a light at
the end of the tunnel.

University.

Here.

Berklee...

SoCalArt...

those are the programs
we've talked about.

Start the application process.

Everything that you check off that list
will bring you closer to the surface.

I promise.

[Yael on recording] You know
why girls can't get ahead?

Because they spend upwards of, like,
two hours every day doing this.

Okay? That's like one-tenth
of their waking life...

I still can't believe you posted
this rant without consulting us.

Why not? Viewers on that vlog
are split evenly by gender.

But have you seen the comments?

Idiots always flame the
comments section. You know that.

Oh, God. [sighs]

Hey, could I borrow a pen?

Aren't you worried I might
accidentally pass you a banana?

Because I'm too stupid
to know the difference?

- You watched the vlog.
- You betrayed womankind.

I was defending womankind
from unfair beauty standards.

It seemed like you were saying
women who wear makeup are idiots.

Just the ones who put
too much time into it.

What's wrong with spending
a little time on yourself?

- It's the patriarchy oppressing you.
- [Frankie] I don't do it for boys.

I do it for myself.
It makes me feel good.

No, you do it because you like how
boys look at you when you wear it.

Actually, I'd prefer they
didn't. I have a boyfriend.

- So you'd do at home? Alone?
- [Lola] Yeah, I do it all the time.

If it makes me feel good,
then what's the problem?

Because girls like you are
ruining it for the rest of us.

- [scoffs]
- [pen clicks]

The comments section idiots
might have a point this time.

I think we need to call
another emergency meeting.

- [sighs]
- And, no, I don't have a pen either.

[Zig] Hey, Maya.

[sighs]

Do I make crappy decisions?

Are you talking about Esme?

I mean, the summer was great.

Sounds nice.

Then when we got back to school,
everyone started weighing in.

So why do you care
what your friends say?

Well, they're not wrong.

[scoffs] She's messed up.

Who isn't?

If you like her, don't
let the chorus of idiots

trying to shame women's actions
stop you from being happy.

- Thanks, Maya.
- Yeah.

We've been waiting
for you for minutes.

- I'm so sorry. I forgot.
- [Jonah] It's... it's okay.

- All right? We just need the lyrics.
- [Maya] I'm sorry.

It's just between school, university
stuff, and then... And this...

I don't know how to do it all. I
just don't know if it's even possible.

You're not alone.

Yeah, I mean...

You know, I mean, I've got a
stack of university brochures

that are... this high at home.

Uh, why don't you just take tonight off,

get your school stuff sorted
out, and we can jam tomorrow?

- [Jonah] Yeah.
- Yeah, okay.

Esme! Esme, wait up.

- I have a gift for you.
- Is it a Tiffany choker?

Eighty-two. Whoop-dee-doo.

Hey, this is the best I've ever
done. Totally thanks to you.

- Esme, I'm sorry.
- [sighs]

Okay? I... I messed up.

I should have never let anyone
say those things about you.

I don't care what anyone says about me.

Your opinion was the
only one that mattered.

Esme, I think the world of you.

What happens when people
start saying other stuff?

Darker stuff? Stuff that might be true?

- You freak out and bail then, too?
- Like what?

[sighs]

Did you know I've been in and
out of therapy my entire life?

- Nothing wrong with that.
- Because when I was ten,

my mom k*lled herself and I found her.

And maybe I took too long to call
or I shook her the wrong way.

But after a few weeks in
the hospital, she d*ed.

Look, Esme, I'm sure
that wasn't your fault.

[sniffles] Dad still kinda blames me.

Is that why you reacted to those
hospital pictures of Tristan?

Guess that brought me back, yeah.

[sighs]

Look, I know it's not
the same thing, but...

[sighs] My parents
blame me for stuff, too.

Like what?

Like, my mom kicked me out...

for selling dr*gs...

hanging with guys who had g*ns,
endangering my little brother.

I'm on probation for another
year, and I live in a group home.

And I guess since I don't have a family,

I listen to my friends
a little bit too much.

You have me.

[Zig sighs]

[sighs and clears throat]

Let's call the meeting to order.

Great. I'm not gonna do
that kind of vlog anymore.

You have to. It's the kind of
content today's teens are craving.

What we can't have any more of
is this kind of negative feedback.

Yeah. The whole idea for this
vlog is to be all-inclusive,

and honestly, viewers
are feeling very att*cked.

If we're trying to reform
our image from last year,

we can't engage in these debates.

They're divisive.

So what? We're gonna make Yael
do a vlog that isn't the real her?

I thought you liked that other me.

I was just surprised. But, um... I
like you better when you're yourself.

I'm glad you said that, actually.

Um, we all know that authenticity
is the key to engagement.

And I've come to realize that there's
more than just one kind of girl,

and I'm just not that kind.

But you know who is? [chuckles]

What if I do the gaming videos and
Lola does the make-up, fashiony stuff?

I mean, I know this complicates
things, but I just thought it was...

All those in favor?

- [Yael chuckles]
- [Baaz] I'll draw up the contracts.

[Vijay] Can I help design your backdrop?

I'm so glad that worked.

So, what game should I review next?

Uh, I don't know.

But I should, um, probably give
her a camera tutorial, right?

Yeah, okay.

- It's like The Matrix blue-or-red thing.
- [chuckles]

[chuckles softly]

[gasps and coughs]

[breathing heavily]

[mellow music playing]