05x09 - Mr. Monk Meets His Dad

[bunniefuu]

[neighs]

(Kenneth) Ben.

Hey, partner. Merry Christmas.

When are you gonna break down and buy a car?

Hmm?

I own 72 rigs. Why should I buy a car?

And what the hell are you wearing there?

I know, it's pretty awful. It's from the Christmas party.

Guess who my Secret Santa was? Hmm?

Monk. Monk.

I thought you were gonna fire his ass.

I didn't have the heart. You know, it's Christmas.

Hell, I'll do it.

It should've been done a long time ago.

So what's so important, hmm?

We're being audited or the depot burn down or something?

Looks like you were in my office.

It's our office, Ben. We're partners, remember?

At least I thought so. There are forgeries.

Kenneth, you're an accountant.

You don't know the first thing about maintenance.

Do I have to call Chicago and crosscheck these invoices?

Because I will.

Y-you been buying recycled parts for these rigs and pocketing the difference?

I don't believe this. You know, after nine years--

It's not just the money.

We have 72 drivers on the road.

Now, what if something happens?

Hey, partner, relax.

Because unless you have proof, and I mean real proof--

I have proof. Yeah?

There's proof in every engine in every truck in the fleet.

You want proof? You want to see proof?

I know enough.

I know enough, my friend.

Exhibit "A".

That manifold.

Now according to this, it's brand-new.

Look at it. The gasket's loose.

It's all rusted out.

If that thing cracks, the whole engine's gonna blow.

I don't want that responsibility--

[choking]

Hey--hey, cut me loose, Ben!

Ben, cut me loose!

Cut me loose, Ben!

Please!

Ben!

What are you doing?!

Aah!

[groaning and choking]

[Randy Newman ragtime theme]

* It's a jungle out there

* Disorder and confusion everywhere *

* No one seems to care

* Well, I do

* Hey, who's in charge here?

* It's a jungle out there

* Poison in the very air we breathe *

* You know what's in the water that you drink? *

* Well, I do, and it's a-ma-zing *

* People think I'm crazy 'cause I worry all the time *

* If you paid attention, you'd be worried too *

* You'd better pay attention or this world we love so much *

* Might just k*ll you

* I could be wrong now

* But I don't think so

* 'Cause it's a jungle out there *

* It's a jungle out there *

[humming]

Mmm, they smell great.

Yeah. Oh, can I have that one?

Mr. Monk, you have to wait. They're for the party.

Please, j-j-just that one, that Christmas tree.

No see, then you'll want another one.

Then she'll want one. I didn't make enough.

Natalie! Please, please.

Just one cookie. One stupid cookie.

I'm--I'm beseeching you.

I promise I'll never ask for anything else.

Please.

Please, I gotta have that cookie!

Okay, fine. Take the cookie.

Thank you.

That was a little crooked. What's up with that elf?

Mr. Monk, the elf is perfect.

A little droopy-- No, no, no, no!

[telephone rings]

Telephone for you.

[ring]

Julie, do not let him touch those cookies.

Hello?

Don't--

Yes, Captain, he's right here.

Stop it.

Just give it to me.

O-okay. I'll tell him.

Julie, it's okay.

Mr. Monk, you can have any cookie you want.

Yeah. Mom...what happened?

It's your father.

My father?

I almost forgot you had a father.

Honey, everybody has a father.

Well, it's just you don't mention him very much.

Not everyone has a father worth mentioning.

He's downtown.

He's in jail.

When was the last time you saw him?

Ah, it was a lifetime ago.

I was eight years old.

He said he was going downtown to pick up some dinner.

And I watched him drive away.

He waved to me.

I'll never forget that.

How he waved.

Then he was gone.

My childhood was over.

My mother... never laughed again.

Families are always complicated.

It wasn't complicated.

He just waved, then he was gone.

Let's see here.

Jack Monk.

They picked him up for a traffic violation.

He ran a red light.

They picked him up for that?

Apparently he resisted arrest.

He shoved the cop.

When they brought him in for booking, he started asking for you.

We got him in a holding cell upstairs.

His rig is parked in the impound lot out back.

What rig?

His rig. It's a tractor trailer.

Your dad is a truck driver.

I don't think so.

He's a writer.

He writes school books.

You two obviously have a lot to talk about.

What are you doing?

I'm speed reading.

What's your rush?

I'm old.

Jack Monk, your son is here.

I'm looking at you... but I see your mother.

Um, no.

I'm Leland Stottlemeyer, sir.

This is Adrian.

That man looks just like your mother.

Adrian... how are you?

How am I?

Is that what you said?

Yes, how are you?

That's a rather conventional salutation.

In Texas, people use it all the time.

Texas? Yeah, yeah, Midland.

I got a place in Midland, but I'm hardly ever there.

I'm driving 18-wheelers. Long hauls.

"I travel for travel's sake to come down off of this featherbed of civilization."

Robert Louis Stevenson.

Jack, I don't want to hear that.

You called me. I'm here.

What do you want?

For one thing you can call me "Dad."

Un-uh.

I'll settle for "Pops."

"Pappy?"

You know, forget about it. I'm getting used to Jack.

What do I want from you? Two things.

"A," forgive me. Forgive your father.

I was negligent. I was selfish.

And I'm very sorry.

"B," get me the hell out of Dodge.

But if you can do one, I'll take "B."

I gotta be in Phoenix early in the morning.

That's why you called me?

After 39 years.

To fix a parking ticket?

I know you can do it.

I've been reading all about you.

You are a hotshot detective.

Which I take a little bit of credit for.

Oh.

Who read Sherlock Holmes to you every night?

"Holmes, oh, you amaze me."

Adrian, here's the thing.

If I don't get to Phoenix in the morning, I lose the job.

And this gig, it's my life.

What do you say?

I say good-bye.

Hey, Monk, look. He's not a young man.

If you walk away now, you might never see him again.

You promise?

Mr. Monk?

Yeah?

Hi. Randy Disher.

I work with your son.

This is an honor.

And a pleasure and a privilege.

Why?

I--I don't know.

I just thought it was an honor and a pleasure.

I could be wrong.

Uh...

Here's your release.

You're free to go. Oh, great.

Okay.

I thought after I'm done with this run I would stop by and we could talk.

You know, catch up a little--

Don't say that.

Don't say anything.

Just go.

And when you drive away, don't wave.

Okay.

Well, Merry Christmas anyway.

Right, right.

Ask him.

Ask him what?

You know what. Ask him.

Jack...

Yeah.

Long as you're here, with don't you stay and have Christmas dinner with Ambrose and me.

It'd mean the world to him.

I wish I could.

I'm already three hours behind.

Ah. He wishes he could.

You could come with me.

With you?

Yeah.

You'll be back here in three days.

I don't think so.

Okay, maybe another time.

Take care.

What? I can't just leave.

I--I don't have my toothbrush.

I can't travel without my toothbrush.

You can buy a toothbrush. Or my pillow case or my Trudy kit or my house.

I never go anywhere without my house.

You can buy all that stuff, Monk.

What you can't buy is another sh*t.

Jack, wait up.

Wait up.

Other side.

[engine starts]

[horn honks]

Ahh.

You thirsty?

N-no. No, thank you.

What?

Oh.

Here, look. I'm wiping.

Come on.

Here. Un-uh.

You still got that thing about germs, huh?

I'm not surprised.

Your mother said you would outgrow it, but I tried to tell her people don't change.

They say they're gonna change.

They swear to God they're gonna change.

But at the end of the day, you are who you are.

So how was your childhood?

Oh, it was great.

It was a laugh riot. You should've been there.

Hmph. You're right. I should've been there.

But I'm here now.

I'm here too.

[rattling] Do--do you hear that?

Sounds like a rattle.

Look, relax, relax.

Do you want to drive?

Uh, no.

Come on, it's easy.

It's like shifting gears. It's like riding a bike.

I can't ride a bike.

You can't ride a bicycle?

I never learned.

No one ever taught me.

Okay.

You want to get into it?

Let's get into it.

Adrian, I never planned to leave, okay?

I went out to get some Chinese food, and on the way back I open up a fortune cookie.

And it said, "Stand by your man."

"Stand by your man."

Yeah, that's right.

It sounds crazy, but it affected me, all right?

It hit me right here.

I realized I am my man.

I gotta stand by me.

I gotta follow my bliss.

Well, I was driving home, and I kept on going.

And I've been driving ever since.

Senior?

Excuse me?

It's says, "Driver: Jack Monk, Sr."

Oh, boy.

Is there a Jack Junior?

Your brother.

(Monk) I have a brother.

(Jack) It's another brother.

It's a big day for you. A lot to digest.

My other brother.

And he's Jack Junior?

If it makes you feel any better, I left his mother too.

Why would that make me feel any better?

I don't know.

He lives in Baltimore. He's 31.

He's an orthopedic surgeon.

Very well respected. He's famous.

He wants me to come live with him.

I said, "What am I gonna do?

"sit on the porch and pet a dog all day long until I drop dead?"

Not for me.

He looks happy.

Yeah, that was his birthday. He was eight.

That's a nice bike.

That was his big gift.

That's me, teaching him how to ride.

Hey, I got an idea.

Why don't we buy a bike?

Come on, let's do it.

I'll pull over and teach you how to ride.

It's never too late.

Yeah...it is.

* Eleven pipers piping

* Ten lords a' leaping

* Nine ladies dancing

* Eight maids a' milking

* Seven swans a' swimming

* Six geese a' laying

* Five golden rings [telephone rings]

(Natalie) Hello?

Natalie.

Oh, it's Mr. Monk! It's Mr. Monk.

Shh! Mr. Monk, I've been so worried about you.

Where are you?

How's it going? What's he like?

Wait, hold on, I'm gonna put you on speakerphone.

Hold on.

Merry Christmas, Monk!

Hey, Happy Holidays, buddy!

(Monk) Natalie, this was a big mistake.

I need to go home now.

Please. Please, I want to come home!

Please, please.

Mr. Monk, I'm taking you off speakerphone.

Hello?

[strikes chord]

What happened?

(Monk) What am I doing here?

He doesn't like me.

He never loved me.

He doesn't love anyone except for maybe Jack Junior.

Jack Junior?

It's his other son.

He bought him a bike. I never got a bike!

There's another brother.

Whoa. Whoa!

Natalie, can you pick me up?

Mr. Monk, it's only been a few hours.

I don't think you should give up.

Just keep talking.

I'm sure you have a lot in common.

That makes sense.

You made a lot of good points. Now come and get me!

Mr. Monk, I can't. I can't just leave.

I mean, for one thing everybody but Julie has been drinking.

He wants to talk to you.

Hello?

Mr. Monk, I can't.

I don't have a license.

I don't even know where Arizona is.

Please stop crying. I--

He hung up.

(Jack) They're not as happy as they look.

[rattling]

There. You hear that again?

Yeah, yeah.

Normally I'd check, but we're screwed if we don't reach Phoenix.

We gotta drop this load and get to Yuma by 4:00.

Yuma?

But we just went through Yuma.

Why didn't we stop there first?

Don't ask me. Ask the itinerary.

"San Francisco...

"Phoenix, Yuma, Tucson, Carson City."

Well, that doesn't make any sense.

We're zigzagging back and forth.

What are we carrying?

Toys. Can you believe it?

I got two bosses. Partners.

One of them, Ben Glaser, he marches into the office last Tuesday and he announces that he has found religion.

Just like that out of the blue.

This is a guy who never set foot in a church before.

Wow.

Then he goes and buys a bunch of toys.

He loads up the truck, and he offered me five grand to drive around and hand them out.

I feel like Santa Claus.

I even got a costume back there.

Hey, you wanna be my elf?

But why are we zigzagging like this?

It makes no sense.

I asked him.

He said he moved around a lot when he was a kid.

Foster homes, orphanages.

He wanted to retrace his steps city by city.

What do I know? He's the boss.

I think we should take the 402.

We gotta stick to the route.

The 402 is a straight line.

It would save us an hour and a half.

You know, you're right.

It doesn't hurt to ask.

[dialing]

[horn honks] [telephone rings]

[ring]

[ring]

[ring]

[ring]

Tiger Trucking.

(Jack) Hey, hot stuff. Jack Monk here.

I want to warn you before you say anything naughty...

[Valarie giggles] I'm not here alone.

I'm here with my son. Hello.

(Valarie) Is that Jack Junior?

Sweetheart, I feel like I know you the way your daddy's always bragging on you.

Every day he walks in with a new story.

"Jack Junior said this.

Jack Junior won another award."

(Jack) Valarie, Valarie, this is my other son, Adrian.

(Valarie) Who?

Adrian, from a previous administration.

You never mentioned him.

I guess you really are an international man of mystery.

[giggles]

Oh, Jack, you haven't heard from Kenneth Woods, have you?

(Jack) No. What happened?

Well, everyone's looking for him.

Karen said she went out shopping Monday and he just disappeared--

Hey. Ow!

Hey, Jack, it's Glaser.

Yeah, how's our little mission of mercy going?

(Jack) So far so good.

We're outside of Phoenix.

Ben, I was thinking of sh**ting up the 402.

No, no, what the hell is wrong with you?

Just stick with the route that I gave you.

It looks like I can save about two hours.

There is construction up and down the 402.

It's like a parking lot.

I know what I'm doing here, Monk.

Okay? Anything else?

You're the boss.

You bet I am. Don't forget it.

He found religion?

Ho ho ho! Who's been good all year?

(kids) Me! I've been good.

Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas.

(children) Merry Christmas, Santa!

Okay.

Ah, what have we got?

Let's see what we got.

Let's see what we got.

This is for you.

The kids have been looking forward to this ever since Mr. Glaser called.

It's like a miracle.

(Jack) This is for...you.

This is for you.

Isn't Santa Claus the greatest?

Isn't he the greatest man in the whole world?

See what else we got.

I don't know.

This is for...you.

I don't know him very well.

This is for...you.

Well, nobody really knows him because he only comes around once a year.

An Easter bunny.

That's correct.

Who's Ronnie Milsap?

I have no idea.

What's this?

It's a dreidel.

What's it do?

I don't know.

I don't mean to seem ungrateful, but who selected these toys?

Uh... [choking]

Oh, honey, spit it out. Just spit it out.

Oh.

Ugh!

This is the worst Christmas ever!

Where did you get all these stupid toys?

At the dollar store?

I hate you.

Now, Kathy, you don't mean that.

I do too mean it.

I hate you to death.

Go back to the North Pole and die.

What are you doing?

Oh, Jack, there is something wrong here.

Look, a whole trailer for six boxes?

What are you looking for?

I don't know. dr*gs maybe.

dr*gs?

Or g*ns, weapons.

That's impossible.

Well, at least it would explain what's going on here.

Your boss, this Glaser.

I think--I think he's using you.

For what? I don't know.

But he did say he used to be an orphan here.

I was just upstairs.

I checked with the administrator.

There's no record of him.

You're checking up on my boss?

What if he hears about it?

Huh? What are you trying to do here?

My job. This is what I do, Jack.

And I'm good at it.

I know when something feels wrong.

Look at this. Look.

Shampoo, dog food, Q-tips, Das Kapital by Karl--

Put everything back in here, please.

You're gonna get me fired. Jack--

Get it all back in.

Think about it. Think about it.

He's making you drive 5,000 miles on back roads, zigzagging back and forth to deliver this?

All this junk?

It doesn't make any sense.

You want to know what doesn't make any sense, huh?

You want to know what doesn't?!

This is the first day we've been together in--in 40 years.

Are you trying to help me? No.

You are trying to sabotage me!

I'm 68 years old! You understand that?

And nobody's gonna hire me.

I need this job!

You're impossible.

You've always been impossible.

And your brother and your mother too.

Now I remember why I left.

What did you say?

Next time I bring Jack Junior.

Get the job done properly.

You coming? I gotta get out of here.

You know where I am.

Yeah, I know where you are.

You're just running out to pick up some Chinese food.

[branches rustle]

[telephone rings]

Tiger Trucking.

Hi, Val. It's me.

Tell the man I'm on schedule.

I'm heading back to Yuma.

Uh...he's a little busy right now.

Something happened, Jack.

Kenneth Woods is dead. He was m*rder*d.

What?!

(Valarie) Two hunters found his body in a gulch near the 209.

I don't believe it.

I just saw him at the Christmas party.

I know.

When they found him, he was still wearing that tie you gave him.

The police are here and they're talking to everybody.

Should I come in?

Uh, hold on.

It's Jack Monk! He wants to know if he--

You tell him no!

Just tell him to keep driving!

Everything's fine!

Did you hear that?

Yeah, loud and clear.

I'll check in later.

Take care of yourself, Val.

You too. Bye.

Where you bound?

Yuma.

Did you take a wrong turn?

Shouldn't you be on the 402?

The 402's a parking lot. It's wall to wall.

Where'd you hear that? I've been on the 402 all day.

It's wide open. Clear sailing.

How did you find me?

I knew you'd walk in a straight line.

You always did.

Ben Glaser lied to me.

The 402's wide open.

And his partner's been k*lled.

So how was he k*lled?

I didn't ask. I didn't think to ask.

You really believe there's a connection between Kenneth Woods' m*rder and me being sent out on this wild good chase?

I don't know.

Seems like your boss, Mr. Glaser, wants you out of the way.

Oh, that's impossible.

I'm a great guy.

Ask anybody who's not related to me.

Heh!

(waitress) Here you go.

Thanks.

Thank you.

Two Christmas Specials.

Enjoy.

Thank you.

Okay.

It's touching.

It is. It's great.

After all those years.

No, I mean the food... It's touching.

Okay, okay, I forgot. I forgot.

Don't worry. I'll fix it, I'll fix it.

Don't worry.

I forgot. Carrots separate.

Good?

There you go.

Nice and separate turkey.

Good?

Thanks.

You have a picture of her?

Oh. I'm glad.

I'm glad she was there for you.

Okay, come on.

So Detective, what do we do now?

Call the police?

Not yet.

Your boss is up to something, but we still don't know what.

No, I think we should stick to the route and drop off the toys.

Just see what happens.

Eat your carrots.

I missed you.

[southern rock melody]

Good, huh?

(Gumbo Pot) Atticus One, this is Gumbo Pot.

Thought you'd like to know you're coming up on a plain brown wrapper.

Roger that.

If we see it, we will stop and pick it up.

No!

"Plain brown wrapper." That's an unmarked police car.

He's trying to warn us.

Gumbo Pot, this is Atticus One.

You're making it harder for the Highway Patrol to enforce the local speed limit.

Which isn't very cool. Over.

Jack, who the hell was th--

What's this?

(Jack) It's a GPS.

Eye in the sky.

(Monk) 5,000 miles.

It's a memory chip.

It remembers the last 5,000 miles that you drove.

What are you doing?

You started in Texas, right?

Then we drove from San Francisco to Phoenix to Carson City.

That's about 5,000 miles.

(Jack) 4,998.

Jack, pull over! Stop the truck.

[brakes hiss and squeal]

Tell me about your boss. Is he a driver?

He used to be.

Does he ever borrow any of these trucks?

Yeah, all the time. How do you know that?

Here's what happened.

Ben Glaser borrowed a truck. This truck.

And he drove out to see Kenneth Woods.

They must've had a fight.

Makes sense. They hated each other.

Ben k*lled Kenneth, and he hid his body.

But he had a problem.

There was a record of where he had driven that day.

Big Brother! Right.

And he knew that eventually the cops would check the GPS computer.

He had to erase it and quick.

He had to put 5,000 more miles on this truck so the box would reset.

And he sends me out on this wild goose chase.

Son of a bitch bastard! Excuse my language.

It's okay. I'm a trucker.

It's unbelievable. You solved it.

You did it.

You don't even know these people, and you solved the case!

[chuckles]

Just like when I used to read Sherlock Holmes to you.

You'd figure it out by page two.

What about the proof?

This truck is the proof.

It's all the evidence we need.

As long as we can keep this under 5,000 miles.

The District Attorney can introduce the memory chip from the satellite-- Why is this thing moving?

Is this thing broken?

Come on. Uh, Jack.

Jack! Uh-oh.

What do you mean "uh-oh?" What does that mean?

It can mean a variety of things, but in this case, it means no brakes.

[screaming]

[tires squealing]

Do it again! Pump the thing!

Turn some knobs!

You haven't even touched these buttons!

Look out!

Jump out and save yourself.

I can't. I can't just leave you here.

There's gotta be a runoff. What?

It's a little side road for trucks in trouble.

Look for a runoff!

There it is! Where?

Oh, we just passed it. You have to turn around.

Turn around!

I gotta say something.

I'm sorry I wasn't there for you and Ambrose.

I'm so sorry.

Oh, I'm a bad father. That's all that matters.

You're not a bad father. Look at Jack Junior.

He's a putz! What?

Actually, he's not even a putz.

He dreams one day of becoming a putz.

He lives downstairs in my basement.

He smokes pot all day long.

He steals money from my wallet.

He's not a doctor?

No, I made it up. I lied.

I wanted to have a son that I could be proud of.

I didn't know I had one in San Francisco.

Dad, there it is! There's another runoff!

Unh!

Are you okay?

Yeah.

You called me Dad.

Oh, there goes the case.

It's all been erased.

I guess your boss is gonna get away with m*rder.

You called me Dad.

Um, I cleaned out his desk.

Hmm? Oh.

Oh, yeah, thank you.

Valarie, let me take that.

You know, look, people, listen up.

I know this is a tough time.

And as Kenneth used to say, this is more than just an office.

Y'all are family.

And I think that's how we're gonna get through this.

By--by just supporting each other like a family.

[truck pulls up outside]

Hmm.

Oh, it's Jack Monk.

(Glaser) Well, better late than never.

Now who is this? Come on now.

You know the rule about passengers riding in the cab.

And you the rule about k*lling your partner.

(Detective) Hello, Ben.

Told you we might be back.

This is a warrant for your arrest.

You've gotta be kidding me.

We've gone all through this stuff.

You were with your partner, Kenneth Woods, when he was k*lled. We can prove that.

[chuckles] Jack, who the hell is this guy?

He's my son.

I don't believe this.

Some orthopedist from Baltimore is accusing me--

(Jack) This is another son.

Adrian. A homicide detective.

Ex-detective.

I hope to be reinstated soon.

You didn't apply yet?

Dad, I'm fine, all right.

You want me to make a call?

Okay, look, I can take care of myself.

(Detective) You were in this truck, this particular truck the day Kenneth disappeared.

We saw the sign-out sheet.

That's right.

I borrowed it, and I went fishing.

Now can you prove that I didn't?

Because if you're talking about the GPS system, that thing's already been erased.

It's only got a 5,000-mile memory, mm-hmm.

We don't need a GPS system to prove anything.

(Jack) There was this loud noise like a-- Yeah, it was like a rattle--

Rattle-- Flutter--

Flutter driving us crazy.

We figured, it's gotta be a fan belt.

It wasn't a fan belt.

Mr. Glaser, can you explain how part of the victim's necktie was found in a vehicle you were driving?

[exhales deeply]

(Jack) Adrian!

Oh, I'll be with you in a minute.

Merry Christmas!

I--I didn't get you anything.

Oh, yes, you did.

Here, it's all yours. I'll be right with you.

Your first bike.

Get on. I'll be holding you.

Go ahead. Don't be afraid.

That's it. Now I got you.

Don't let go. So there's nothing to be afraid of.

Are you ready, sir?

Okay, start pedaling. Let's go.

Slowly. Don't let go.

I'm not. Okay.

Go straight, go straight. Oh!

That's it. Make a turn now.

To the left. Easy, easy.

[rings bells]

Easy. That's it.

Pedal a little faster.

Oh, you're doing great.

You got it. You got it.

You got it! Look at you!

That's it, like you've been doing it all these years.

Dad, can I get some mud flaps?

Come on. Yes, you can.

[bell rings]

(Jack) That's my boy! Come on.

Big circle.

Big circle.

Keep your eye on the road. I'm with you.

That's it. Pedal harder.

Keep pedaling. Go straight.

Straight, straight. Go ahead, go ahead.

Hey, Dad, watch this.

Go ahead.

That's my boy.

Come back. Come towards me.

The finish line. Will he make it?

Yes!

Let me hear the bell.

[bell rings] That a boy.