07x16 - Mr. Monk Fights City Hall

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Monk". Aired: July 2002 - December 2009.*
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After the m*rder of his wife, Adrian Monk develops OCD which costs him his job as a prominent homicide detective, but he continues to solve crimes with the help of his assistant and his former boss.
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07x16 - Mr. Monk Fights City Hall

Post by bunniefuu »

Jimmy, we finally have some good news to report.

I'm downtown on the corner of summerset and geraldi street, in front of one of the oldest and ugliest parking garages in the city.

But last month, city council voted to tear down this eyesore, and replace it with a beautiful playground and park for the children of this neighborhood.

Uh, hold on, Jimmy, something's happening.

You gotta be kidding me. Somebody's still in the garage?

Something is happening here.

There may be someone still inside the garage.

Who's this guy?

What the hell you think you're doing?

I don't know if you heard the news, buddy, but we gotta tear this whole place down.

You can't do that. I can't do that?

I got two bulldozers outside says I can.

I'm not leaving!

All right, pal, look.

I don't know what your story is, all right?

But you're going home. Where's the key to the lock?

[Key clinking]

You gotta be kidding me.

Cheese and crackers, we're tearing down a parking garage here.

All right, this is a good thing.

All right, we're gonna build a playground here for the kids.

What's the matter, you don't like kids?

My wife d*ed here.

Right over there.

Her name was Trudy.

She d*ed here.

You can't tear it down.

[Randy Newman ragtime theme]

♪ It's a jungle out there

♪ disorder and confusion everywhere ♪

♪ No one seems to care

♪ well, I do

♪ hey, who's in charge here?

♪ It's a jungle out there

♪ poison in the very air we breathe ♪

♪ Do you know what's in the water that you drink? ♪

♪ Well, I do, and it's a-ma-zing ♪

♪ People think I'm crazy 'cause I worry all the time ♪

♪ If you paid attention, you'd be worried too ♪

♪ You'd better pay attention or this world we love so much ♪

♪ Might just k*ll you

♪ I could be wrong now

♪ but I don't think so

♪ 'cause it's a jungle out there ♪

♪ It's a jungle out there ♪

Mr. Monk, Mr. Monk?

Natalie, thank god. God, are you okay?

You're all over the news. I couldn't believe it.

They were gonna tear it down. Look, you gotta help me.

You gotta. Come on.

Hell, no, we won't go!

Hell, no... come on.

Mr. Monk, I'm not gonna chant with you.

You have to, otherwise the "we" part doesn't make any sense.

None of this makes any sense.

Why didn't you call me?

You would have tried to talk me out of it.

Everybody, let's just calm down, okay?

Let's just settle down, all right?

Hi. Hello, Adrian.

I'm Eileen hill. I'm on the city council.

This parking garage is slated for demolition.

We voted on it last week.

I know. I was there.

Why can't we just drag this bozo out of here?

Excuse me, do you know who this man is?

This is Adrian monk.

He was a decorated police officer, who's been serving this city officially and unofficially for 20 years.

Well, he sure isn't serving the city today.

Adrian, I understand you lost your wife here.

Where did it happen?

It was right...

It was right over there.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I really am.

But you can appreciate our situation.

There are hundreds of children in this community...

Councilwoman, this is a crime scene.

This is hallowed ground.

Trudy's case is still open.

There could still be clues here.

Something I missed.

If you tear this place down, they'll be gone forever.

I didn't consider that.

You could be letting a k*ller go free for a swing set or a sandbox.

What's your name?

Robert.

Can I call you Bob? Sure.

Bob, go home.

What?

I believe our decision here was premature.

As I recall, our vote was four to three.

And when the margin is that close, any member can ask for a second vote.

A second... a second vote?

Yes, it's called the confirmation vote.

It's called the confirmation vote!

We're gonna tap the brakes on this, conduct a public hearing, and vote on it again.

Fine, it's your call. Yes, it is.

All right, guys, pack it up, let's go home.

Councilwoman hill, i...

I can't thank you enough.

I'm not making any promises, Adrian.

I can't even tell you how I'm going to vote.

But I do appreciate your service to the city, and I think you deserve the benefit of the doubt.

See you next week at city hall?

Yes.

Natalie, I feel this tingling in my chest and in my face.

Yeah, you're happy, Mr. Monk.

I can't believe it. You did it.

I did it.

You just stopped a children's playground from being built, and saved a parking garage.

So the system works.

Let's get out of here.

All right, where's the key?

Well, it's not in the sewer.

You don't have to worry about that.

I'm kidding. It's in the sewer.

Looks like a married couple.

Some swimmers found them. Swimmers?

Yeah, you know, the polar bear club?

They were stabbed.

Two and three times. She got it twice.

Detective monk, are we keeping you from something?

City council. They're voting again today.

Right, the parking garage thing. Good luck on that.

Mr. Monk, we have plenty of time.

We should leave early, though. Just to be safe.

It's only a ten-minute drive.

Look, look. You can see it from here.

We should leave early, just to be sure.

Okay, well, they were tourists. Probably German.

Really? Why do you say that?

Because they were German.

Uh, from Berlin. Mr. and Mrs. Erhard helmrich.

Uh, we found their wallets and passports in their pockets.

I, uh, talked to a clerk at a hotel.

They were staying downtown at the best western.

He said that they were a pretty quiet couple.

Yeah, they look pretty quiet.

Yeah, but they weren't this quiet.

I mean, before last night.

They were just regular quiet, like, when they checked in to the hotel.

Yeah, Randy, I know what you mean.

I was trying to be wry.

Oh, sorry, my bad. Do you want to say it again?

What do you got there, a bracelet?

No, it's not a bracelet.

It's a strap. See, it's torn.

She had a camera. Did you find a camera?

No.

Then he must have taken it.

He left her jewelry.

This guy had a wallet? Was there still money in it?

Yeah, dollars and Euros.

I'm thinking they were walking down here last night, to get a view of the skyline, maybe, see the moonlight on the water.

They saw something else.

And they got k*lled for it.

What was it?

Must have been pretty terrible.

Something inhuman.

Something so horrific... Is that the time?

We gotta go, we gotta go. Natalie!

Wait, we want you to look at some tire tracks.

Yeah, take some pictures. Just get a lot of pictures.

We gotta go.

Come on!

All right, so where do they hold these council meetings?

I don't know, we'll have to ask someone.

Adrian monk. And you must be Natalie.

Paul Crawford. San Francisco dispatch.

Yeah, hello, excuse me for just one second, sir!

So you're a reporter?

I am the reporter.

I've been following this story.

I'm thinking about doing a story on Adrian monk and his parking garage.

"Man versus playground."

Yeah, I can see it now, you'd make him out to be a monster.

On the contrary, Ms. Teeger, please don't repeat this to anybody, but, uh, I'm on your side.

Hope you pull it off.

Wow, that's very sympathetic.

Lady, sympathy's got nothing to do with it.

Parking's a bitch in that neighborhood.

Call me.

Mr. Monk.

Okay, it's just upstairs. We're five minutes early.

[Elevator dings]

Ooh. Oh.

Hello, Adrian, Natalie.

Hello, Harold.

I heard about your little temper-tantrum downtown.

It wasn't a temper-tantrum.

Mm-hmm, whatever it was, it apparently worked.

I have today's agenda here, and it looks like we'll be voting on your parking garage again.

That's right.

You know, I voted against you last time.

Yes, yes, I know that.

But I've been thinking about it, and I could be persuaded to change my mind.

Really? Oh, yes.

How shall I vote?

Aye or nay? Up or down?

Hmm, I don't know.

It all depends on my mood.

And my mood depends on how I feel.

What does that mean?

Your mood depends on how you feel?

You know what it means.

I really, really don't.

Do you have any idea what he is talking about?

I'm lost.

I'm talking about your new therapist.

The mystery doctor.

The genius you're always raving about.

Who is he? Just tell me his name.

I can't tell you. It's privileged information.

No, it's not.

What happens in the sessions is privileged.

His name isn't privileged.

People recommend therapists every day.

Am I right, Natalie?

I don't know, Harold, I'm just waiting for the conversation to be over.

Okay, fine, fine.

His name...

Is doctor...

Door.

Doctor door?

Is that the best you could do?

I suppose if we were standing over there by that alarm, you woulda said doctor bell?

[Screams]

Oh, god, Harold. I'm so sorry!

Don't touch me! Don't touch me!

Sorry, I'm sorry.

Oh. Oh, no.

You see, the truth is, Harold, I really don't need your vote.

I spoke to councilwoman hill over the weekend, and she's on my side now.

She's switching her vote?

Well, that's right.

So now the vote is four to three in my favor.

And I believe they call that a "majority."

[Elevator dings]

Oh, monk, hey, Natalie... Harold, you're all wet.

[Harold sighing]

You know, the councilwoman, Eileen hill, the one you've been talking about?

Yeah, yeah. Did something happen? We're not sure.

We just talked to her sister.

She's gone missing.

(Woman) Councilwoman hill's office, can you hold, please?

Councilwoman hill's office, may I put you on hold?

Hello?

Hello, my name is...

I can't talk to you right now, okay?

The councilwoman is missing.

It's a madhouse in here.

Thank god it's Friday. It's not Friday.

Who told you that? Well, no one told me.

Councilwoman hill's office, can you hold?

Hello?

[Sighs] They hung up.

I... i think you disconnected them.

Why would I do that? I don't know.

I'm Natalie teeger, this is Adrian monk.

We're working with the police.

We're looking for councilwoman hill.

You should have called first.

I tried. We tried.

But you kept putting us on hold, and then... Councilwoman hill's office, hello? Can I help... hello?

Hanging up on us.

Look, I already talked to the police.

A sergeant or something. I don't remember his name.

He just had a big scar on his face.

Just like yours.

I don't have a scar. Sure, you do.

It's on your cheek. It's right there.

You both do.

I think you have a scratch on your glasses.

Is there someone else here I could talk to?

You could talk to her.

I mean someone who works here.

Well, you could try Janet grote.

She's a legislative assistant.

Thank god. Where is she? She's not in.

Here's the thing.

I'm conducting my own investigation.

It's kind of personal.

I need to speak with the councilwoman.

There's a vote that's very important to me, and they've just postponed it until next week.

[Telephone ringing]

When was the last time you saw Ms. Hill?

Yesterday morning.

She same in for about an hour.

And then she had to leave. She had an appointment.

Great. With whom?

I don't know. I'd have to check her calendar.

Could you do that, please?

[Telephone ringing]

I don't like you.

There it is.

That's her schedule for the whole week.

Oh, great, can you print that out for us, please?

How am I supposed to get you a copy?

There's a printer right behind you.

Yeah, there's no print button.

Yeah, it's right here. It says "p-n-t." Pint?

It's abbreviated. Print, printing, printer.

Print. I'm new here.

Really? I never would have guessed that.

Are you patronizing me?

No, I'm insulting you.

Great.

Thank god it's Friday.

Take your time.

I hope my water doesn't break.

[Groaning]

Chivalry is dead.

I don't like you at all.

So she disappeared.

Her last appointment was 10:30 A.M. with Paul Crawford.

The reporter.

[Telephone ringing]

Paul Crawford.

Good morning.

I'm captain Leland stottlemeyer. This is lieutenant disher.

You know Adrian monk, Natalie teeger.

You're a hard man to find, Mr. Crawford.

We were leaving messages at your house.

My apologies, lieutenant. I was out all night.

Working on a series of articles about police corruption.

Confidential, hush-hush. You understand.

Yeah, I look forward to not reading that.

Nice car.

Yes, it is.

All it takes is hard work, a modicum of natural talent, and marrying a billionaire's only daughter.

And I'm late as usual. Can we walk and talk?

Sure.

What about your crusade, Mr. Monk?

How did the vote go?

Well, actually, there was no vote.

It's been postponed.

That why you're here? In a way.

Councilwoman hill has officially disappeared.

She's missing?

Since Monday.

Did you check her apartment?

I think she lived with her sister.

We were there last night.

There were no signs of a struggle, nothing unusual.

What about her car?

(Disher) It was parked out front, but her wallet and her keys were gone.

Not a good sign, is it? No, sir, it's not.

According to her schedule, uh, she was with you Monday morning.

That's true; Eileen met me here at the office.

I have known Eileen for years.

She read an article of mine, and, uh, had a few questions.

Did she seem depressed? No.

Had she been drinking?

No, no, no. She wouldn't be drinking now.

What was the article about?

The one she was interested in?

It was about the food industry. Hot dog vendors.

I read that. I haven't had a hot dog since.

Oh, god, the pictures.

I take that as a compliment.

That's actually a talent of mine.

I can take almost anything as a compliment.

Eileen read the article too.

Became sort of a pet project of hers.

She said that she wanted to shut all the vendors down.

In fact, she said she was meeting a man named George gianopolous.

The hot dog czar?

Yeah, when she left, she said that's where she was going.

Anything else?

No, sir, that's it.

If we need anything, we'll call you.

Look forward to it.

You missed a couple.

I was buried alive once.

Yeah, I remember.

I was in a box.

I was underground for three hours.

And that box is now the second-most frightening place I've ever been.

Hey!

Can I help you?

Yeah, are you Mr. Gianopolous?

You health inspectors?

Homicide.

Oh! Hey!

It's okay, they're only from homicide!

You scared the bejeezus out of me.

Are you the, uh, hot dog czar?

My father was Frankie gianopolous.

And he was the original czar.

And I was the... The Duke of dogs.

And then, when he passed away...

Oh.

[Gasps]

Hold on.

Oh, my god, are you okay?

No.

No, I'm fine.

Oh, boy, I'm fine.

Oh, that happens to me three or four times a week.

My doctor can't figure it out.

Really? His doctor can't figure it out.

Anyway, when my old man passed, I inherited his kingdom, so to speak.

You hungry?

Yeah, yeah, sure, I'll take one.

I love hot dogs.

Oh, yeah, yeah, take all you want.

We take care of our friends in blue, and they take care of us.

Boy, that's good.

What is that, beef or pork?

We use "meat."

Why do you say it like that?

Uh, we are required by law to put it in quotes.

Yeah.

Mr. Dog...

Mr. Dog czar, we're looking for councilwoman Eileen hill.

She's been missing for two days.

I heard about that. It was on the news.

I can't help you.

When was the last time you saw her?

Oh, it was, like, three weeks ago.

A month, uh...

No, they're good.

Uh, she did call me on Monday morning and said she was coming over, but she never showed up.

Which was fine with me.

You don't like her?

Oh, I wouldn't say that.

I would say I hate her.

Hate.

And every vendor here feels exactly the same way.

She wants to regulate us to death.

She wants us to wear gloves.

And to put lids on the condiment trays.

Lids!

And to change the water in the pots every other day.

And what's wrong with that?

These dogs are like a fine wine.

They need to simmer.

The simmering. That's the secret.

Yeah, the simmering.

See, the "meat" has to simmer.

Anyway, yeah, she never called to cancel.

She never showed up. That's all I know.

Yeah, maybe she did show up.

And maybe you had an altercation.

And maybe you hit her.

And maybe you k*lled her.

(Stottlemeyer) Maybe we're gonna have to get a search warrant and tear this place apart.

You go right ahead and be my guest.

Believe me, if I did what you are accusing me of, I wouldn't just leave her body lying around.

She would be somewhere where no one would find her.

She would be gone.

Have a good day.

You hear what he said?

Yeah, some place we'd never find her.

Mysterious.

Randy, think about it.

Maybe Bury her in some park somewhere.

Gah, I could eat a million of these things.

There you are.

Oh, thank god you're here.

Is that straight? Yeah, it is.

No, the left side? No, it's perfect.

I don't think so. It's perfection.

You're blind.

Look, I talked to the captain.

He just looked at the surveillance tapes.

He said Eileen hill never went near that warehouse.

Plus, the hot dog guy passed a polygraph test.

Looks like a dead end.

Yeah, it probably is.

He'll still have to answer to god for that "meat" he's been serving, though.

Maybe the pole is crooked.

How many of these did you make? 1,000.

And how many have you put up?

Uh, including this one, one.

This'll be one.

You're offering a reward?

Look, i...

I have to find her.

There's gonna be another vote in two days.

I can't win without her.

And you want to make sure she's safe.

What? And you want to make sure she's safe.

Yeah... yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

That too, yep.

Okay, that's... That's good enough.

Let's go. Let's go, let's move on.

We're moving on.

God, if they tear down that parking garage, I don't know what I'd do.

Don't worry, Mr. Monk. Everything's gonna be fine.

She's out there somewhere. Just keep looking.

So, uh, you want me to put this up?

Maybe in the waiting room.

I think it might upset some of my patients.

A lot of them are paranoid enough.

Well, what if I write "she's probably okay" on the bottom?

Maybe.

And by "maybe," you mean...

I mean "no." I'm sorry.

Adrian, you've been going back to that parking garage for 11 years.

Ever since Trudy d*ed.

That's right.

You're there two... Maybe three times a month.

The forensics people have covered every inch of it.

So here's my question.

Do you believe...

I mean, do you really believe, in your heart of hearts, that there's evidence in that parking garage you haven't found?

[Sighs]

No.

Still, you're determined to save it.

There's a wall on the lower level.

It's a gray wall, and it says "b-5" in big, red letters.

What about that wall?

It was the last thing that she saw.

I can't live without it.

All right.

Here's what I think.

I think you should let it go.

Let the children have their playground.

I can't.

I think you can.

Five years ago, you probably couldn't.

But now, I think you're ready I'll never be ready.

That's why I have to find her.

They're going to vote again tomorrow morning.

Without councilwoman hill, it's three to three.

The new vote wouldn't count. They'll tear it down.

You think she was m*rder*d?

It's starting to look like it.

Maybe she ran away.

Maybe she couldn't stand all those meetings.

I served on the city council.

Not here. When I lived in Tulsa.

I hated it.

The meetings where interminable.

After a few months, I stopped going all together.

I used to send my secretary in as my proxy.

Is that legal?

I was in Tulsa.

Proxy.

Adrian, you're standing up.

Why don't you sit down?

I think you're a genius.

Okay, you can stand.

I'm gonna put you on hold.

If you get disconnected, please don't call back.

Oh, it's you again.

Yes, it is. It's me.

Did you find her? Not yet.

Actually, I was... I was looking for Ms. Grote.

I told you, she's not in.

She's still not back? No, she's sick.

She has pneumonia.

She won't be back for two weeks.

Oh, god.

You're a staff member.

I mean, you're... You're full-time, right?

Why?

You can vote at the hearing tomorrow.

You have the authority.

I don't think so.

No, no, no. It's in the bylaws.

Look.

"If a council member is absent or incapacitated

"for any reason, any member of his or her staff..."

[hums]

[Door creaking]

[Creaking continues]


It's Maria, isn't it?

These are for you.

Why were you asking about Janet?

I...

I just wanted to make sure she wasn't here.

'Cause I didn't want her to, you know, get jealous.

Are you interested...

In politics?

No.

Hmm, fascinating.

I like the way you think.

Are you, um...

Are you, uh, busy for lunch, or do you have a modeling job?

I'm married. Yeah, no, I know, I know.

Strictly business.

There's a big vote tomorrow, and I just want you to hear my side of it.

I only get 15 minutes, so I usually just grab a hot dog.

Great, perfect.

Hot dog.

And some Sauerkraut.

Not too much.

That's too much.

A little more.

Thank you.

You're not hungry?

No... uh, no, I'm fine. I ate yesterday.

Three dollars.

Oh, uh, let me get that.

It's no problem.

Thanks a lot. Thank you.

It was a "pleasure" seeing you again.

I mean, a real "pleasure."

The "pleasure" is all mine.

All right, I get it.

So, Maria, how you holding up?

Oh, it's crazy up there.

Reporters keep calling. And detectives.

You don't have any clues or leads or anything?

Not yet.

She should have told me she might be disappearing before she hired me. Uh-huh.

It's common courtesy.

She could have put it on the flyer.

There was a flyer?

Yeah, in my lamaze class. That's how I got the job.

Really?

It was the easiest job interview I ever had.

We talked for, like, five minutes.

Then she gave me a drug test, and that was it.

Oh, I probably shouldn't be eating these things. Yeah.

If you ever meet my kid in, like, 20 years, just don't tell him, okay? I promise.

So Maria, what do you think?

About what?

About the parking garage, where my wife d*ed.

Can you believe they want to tear it down?

Isn't that outrageous?

I guess.

Although, you know, a playground would be nice, for the kids.

Yeah, but, they don't really need a playground.

They can play in the parking garage.

It has ramps. God, kids love ramps, right?

That's true.

They can pretend it's a fort or pirate ship.

They can use their imaginations, which, I think we need more of.

Hmm. Maybe.

Yeah, so if you agree, all you have to do is go to that hearing tomorrow, and just raise your hand. Just raise it up, okay?

Cast your vote for imagination.

I don't know.

You want me to represent Ms. Hill, but how do I know what she would do?

She told me.

We talked all about this.

She's on my side.

Well, she never said anything to me.

I just wish we could find her journals.

She used to write down all her notes in a journal.

There's no journal. At least, nobody's found it.

Did you check her apartment?

Yes, we've been there all week.

What about her other apartment?

She has two.

I can't believe the receptionist knew about this place the whole time.

I know. She even had a key.

Why wouldn't she tell anybody?

Because nobody asked!

I'm telling you, Natalie, the woman is so stupid, it hurts me to talk to her.

Physically hurts me.

[Sighs]

Do you see a journal anywhere? She supposedly kept a journal.

Huh.

Looks like she had some roommates.

A cheerleader, a French maid.

Wait.

Oh, you know what?

They weren't roommates, Natalie.

This is a love nest. That's what it is.

You think?

This is one of those love nests that you read about.

Yeah, but for who? That's the question.

Who was she meeting?

Oh, my god!

What? What is it?

Nothing. It's nothing.

Mr. Monk, don't open that drawer, you understand?

Whatever happens, whatever you do, don't ever, ever, ever...

Ever...

Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever open that drawer!

What if there's a clue in there? What if it could solve the case?

I don't care! Okay, I won't.

All righty. The plot thickens.

Now what?

She was pregnant.

Is it... is it her?

Yeah, it's definitely the councilwoman.

Her family just I.D.Ed the body.

Mr. Monk, I'm so sorry.

Yeah, me too.

I know about the zoning thing. I know you were counting on her.

The m.E. Says she's been in the bay since Monday night, probably dumped off the vinton street pier.

Where those German tourists were k*lled?

I hate that pier!

So what do we do now?

We do what we do.

Sign on the door says "homicide."

Come on.

So we don't know who, we don't know where, we don't know why, but we do know how.

She was strangled with this.

A very fancy necktie.

(Natalie) Chalmers of London.

Yep, very high end.

They don't even sell these in the states.

Let's start here.

Wouldn't it be easier to get some DNA and try to find the father?

There is no father.

She was pregnant.

Nope, she wasn't.

But we found those pregnancy tests in her apartment, and they were all positive.

We told Dr. Kay what you had found.

We had him check twice, and the councilwoman was not pregnant.

Not even close.

Okay, wait, I don't understand.

You know, this was her love nest.

No one else lived there.

Why should she have somebody else's home pregnancy test?

Is this her handbag?

Yeah, we found that tangled in the rope.

So then, this has to be her journal. Yep.

Can I get a copy of the contents?

Already done.

This is it. This is all I need.

A-ha! You solved the case?

What? Oh, no, not that.

Come on, Natalie, we can still make it.

Where you going? City hall.

As you all know, we lost a dear friend this week.

Eileen hill's body was discovered earlier this morning.

Let us pray that the San Francisco police catch her k*ller and bring him or her to justice.

Or if they don't catch him, let us pray that Eileen's m*rder was the work of a random nut job, or frustrated ex-boyfriend, and not some kind of a masked vigilante who, for some reason, has a personal vendetta against the city council, and is determined to slaughter us, one member at a time, picking us off when we least expect it, using a different, yet somehow appropriate method for each of his grisly killings.

Amen.

So let's get started.

Maria schecter is joining us.

She'll be acting as Eileen's proxy.

I see you're well prepared.

Yes, this is her journal, so I know what she was thinking, and how she would want me to vote.

Adrian monk even underlined all the important stuff, and even made little arrows.

How nice for you.

Well, let's get right to it.

We have some old business.

Resolution 12-b.

We will be voting yet again on whether to preserve or demolish the parking garage on summerset Avenue.

By a show of hands, all those in favor of demolishing the garage, and replacing it with a beautiful, long-overdue neighborhood playground and park.

Three.

All those opposed...

To the children's playground.

Democracy in action. It's a beautiful thing.

I'm not sure it's exactly what the founding fathers had in mind.

I can't believe I won!

I can't remember the last time I won anything.

Did you see Harold's face?

Oh, that was the sweetest part.

There he is, there he is.

Mr. Monk.

Who wants to shake my hand?

I'll shake anybody's hand.

No wipes, no wipes, limited time offer.

Harold?

No? Paul?

I'll take you up on that.

Congratulations, Mr. Monk.

The shrine to your beloved late Trudy's still intact, and I still have my parking space.

Yeah. All's right with the world.

Congratulations, Adrian. Well played.

Thank you, Harold.

I feel like celebrating.

How do people celebrate?

They take their friends to the nearest bar, and buy them some very expensive wine.

There's one across the street.

I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna do it.

Who's with me? Who's gonna come?

It's my treat.

Wait a minute, who said that?

Did I say that?

I don't know.

[Laughter]

Harold? [Groans]

Paul? I'll catch up to you.

Great, great. Maria, let's go.

I can't go, obviously.

Ah, I understand. Well, thanks for everything.

And I'll talk to you later.

You can't drink, because you're pregnant.

Duh.

Can I help you?

You're the guy.

Pardon me?

You k*lled the councilwoman.

You were her sex lover.

And you k*lled her.

Oh, my god.

Why on earth would i...

Why? To shut her up.

To save your marriage.

You knew you'd never be able to explain a pregnant girlfriend.

Pregnant girlfriend?

I read the coroner's report, Mr. Monk.

Eileen wasn't pregnant. That's right.

She wasn't. But you thought she was.

The day she disappeared, lieutenant disher asked you if Eileen had been drinking.

Do you remember what she said?

Had she been drinking?

No, no, no. She wouldn't be drinking now.

"She wouldn't be drinking now."

Why did you phrase it like that?

Only one reason: You thought she was pregnant.

You don't like the way I phrased an answer?

What kind of evidence is that?

Actually, the key piece of evidence was right in front of me the whole time.

It was her.

Me?

I don't know how I could've missed it.

Eileen hill was a well-educated professional woman.

She was an adult.

This woman, on the other hand, is a dolt.

Adult, dolt. Adult, dolt.

Adult, dolt, adult dolt... Mr. Monk, she's right here.

She knows she's an idiot.

She can't even answer a phone.

Have you ever tried talking to her?

It's t*rture.

Question: Why would Eileen hill hire a moron like that?

The answer is simple and heart breaking.

To convince you that she was pregnant.

To manipulate you, to get you to leave your wife.

She needed to have a home pregnancy test come out positive.

And for that, she needed pregnant urine.

(Crawford) Pregnant urine?

(Monk) That's why she advertised in a lamaze class.

She needed to hire a pregnant woman, so she could give her a drug test.

It was all about the drug test.

It's the only possible reason why Eileen hill...

Or anyone... Would hire this person.

He doesn't mean it.

Of course, you did have some trouble when you were dumping the body.

There were two tourists on the pier.

Did they see you? Did they take a picture?

You probably weren't sure, but you couldn't take a chance.

Still waiting for some proof, Mr. Monk.

Real evidence.

You mean, like this?

Chalmers of London.

Imported. Custom made.

Just like the one that was around Eileen hill's neck.

Sheriff.

Mr. Crawford, would you come with us, please?

Yeah.

Looks like we have two reasons to celebrate.

Come on.

A dolt?

Sorry?

Is that what you think?

After I came down here and voted for you and helped save your stupid parking garage?

You think I'm an idiot?

I... i... I didn't say that.

Yes, you did. Like, 20 times.

You said I was a moron, and that the only reason anyone would hire me was for my pee.

Okay, Maria, I'm sorry. I got excited.

You know, people say things when they get excited.

I can say things too. I'm changing my vote.

What? I'm changing my vote.

I want the playground, not the parking garage.

Okay, wait a second, you can't...

Harold, she can't do that. It's too late, right?

In point of fact, it's not too late at all.

This is only a recess.

The meeting hasn't been officially adjourned.

So the vote isn't final.

Read the bylaws. I read the bylaws.

Well, read them again.

Let's reconvene the meeting.

We're gonna be voting again.

Uh, for the record, I don't think you're a dolt.

Maria.

Your boss looks pretty depressed.

May I suggest that you call his new therapist?

What was his name again? Dr. Bell.

Dr. Bell. See you in the waiting room.

Sorry.

Okay?

[Cheers and applause]
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