08x06 - Mr. Monk and the Critic

[bunniefuu]

I don't need any more towels. I'm fine.

I said I'm fine.

What're you doing here? You said 10:30.

I couldn't wait.

Come in, come in.

Oh, this room, it's beautiful, isn't it?

Yeah, it is.

Well, I'm gonna need ten more minutes.

I'm trying to look natural for you.

It takes a lot of work looking natural.

You men never appreciate that.

Well, you were right about the balcony, it's really fun.

The last room I rented was some motel room with a view of the parking lot.

Room service.

Oh, I couldn't resist.

They had your favorite. Chocolate-covered strawberries.

You've got to try one.

They're sinful.

Both: Mm.

Can I tell you the truth?

I was beginning to think you were ashamed of being seen with me.

[Laughs]

Take off your coat and stay a while.

We've got all night.

Callie, I want to ask you something.

It's important.

Really?

My heart...

My heart is b*ating like a rabbit's.

I mean, I was hoping when you asked me to meet you here... not here. On the balcony. In the moonlight.

I'm not sure there's much of a moon.

[Laughs]

I'm probably glowing enough to make up for it.

Oh, my god, I can't believe this is happening.

Oh...

Oh, my god.

It's gorgeous.

It... it's perfect.

You won't regret this.

I p... i promise.

I'm sorry I've been calling you so much lately, I just get so jealous.

But that's over now.

I am gonna make you so happy.

I know you will.

This is probably the best night of my life.

I could die right now, I really could.

Funny you should say that.

What are you doing? Hey, what are you...

[screams]

[Randy Newman ragtime theme]

♪ It's a jungle out there

♪ disorder and confusion everywhere ♪

♪ No one seems to care

♪ well, I do

♪ hey, who's in charge here?

♪ It's a jungle out there

♪ poison in the very air we breathe ♪

♪ Do you know what's in the water that you drink? ♪

♪ Well, I do, and it's a-ma-zing ♪

♪ People think I'm crazy 'cause I worry all the time ♪

♪ If you paid attention, you'd be worried too ♪

♪ You'd better pay attention or this world we love so much ♪

♪ Might just k*ll you

♪ I could be wrong now

♪ but I don't think so

♪ 'cause it's a jungle out there ♪

♪ It's a jungle out there ♪

Julie teeger is applying to Cal state Berkeley where she is hoping to major in theater arts.

She thanks her mother Natalie for all the inspiration in the world.

Oh, look, there's a little picture.

Uh-huh.

Whew. Oh, god.

I don't know why I'm so nervous.

I know she's gonna be great.

She's been performing her whole life.

She used to do these little skits in our living room, and once she did the wizard of oz.

She did, like, all the characters.

Even the witch.

Uh, yeah.

I think this is my armrest, and that one's yours.

Mr. Monk, we're supposed to share.

Wh... wh... what are we, Russia now?

Okay, okay. It's all yours.

Oh, no.

Hmm?

It's John hannigan.

Who?

John hannigan.

The theater critic from the San Francisco dispatch.

What's he doing here?

He doesn't normally review community theater.

Maybe he read Julie's review in the school paper.

You think?

Maybe. Really?

No.

I hope he's in a good mood.

He's normally so critical about everything.

Isn't that his job? I mean, he's a critic.

[Whispers] It's okay.

[Whispers] Move down there.

[People chattering]

[Coughs]

Hello.

Good evening.

Is that your father?

Uh-huh.

Would you two mind switching seats?

Why?

I just want to thank him for his service.

[Whispering indistinctly]

Thank you for your service.

Now all you need is a headless man to sit in front of you.

Or a dwarf.

Uh-oh.

What? What is it?

We have to go home.

Why?

Uh, I have a situation.

Nature.

N-a...

Oh. Nature alert.

Mr. Monk, do you have to go to the bathroom?

Hush.

No, I'm not leaving.

I've been waiting all year to see this.

We can be back in 20 minutes.

Forget it. Just forget it.

She's only in two scenes.

Why don't you just use the men's room like everybody else?

[Laughs]

I wish you could hear yourself sometimes.

The men's room is a public facility.

I don't use public facilities.

Well, I'm sorry that you feel that way, because I'm not leaving.

[Breathes deeply]

May I help you, sir?

I'm sorry. Just looking for the men's room.

This is the gentleman's restroom, sir.

This is the men's room?

Mm-hmm.

How long has this been going on?

Oh, since the theater was built, sir.

That would be 1910.

That's fantastic.

Oh, thank you, sir.

I like to think of it as someplace special.

A sort of sanctuary, as it were.

Uh, an oasis in the desert.

Yeah.

You...

You must have ten different soaps here.

Exactly ten, sir.

Yes, sir.

Oh, my.

Ah, that's from China, sir.

The gansu province.

Very nice.

Oh, may I?

Oh.

It's Peruvian cotton, sir. They're hand-woven.

I didn't think people like you...

I mean, attendants, still existed.

Eh, we're a dying breed, sir.

Some people would consider this work beneath them, but, um, I enjoy it.

My father used to say, "gilson, there are no small jobs, there are only small people." [Laughs]

Thanks, buddy.

Here you go.

Uh, I believe that's mine, sir.

Oh, yes, I'm sorry.

That would make more sense.

That was fast.

I went to the men's room.

Here? Mm.

[Laughs] Well, Mr. Monk, congratulations.

I'm proud of you.

How was it?

It was magical. It was spotless.

I might become a patron of this theater just so I can use it.

Two armrests, a clean bathroom...

This is a perfect night at the theater.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

I bid you welcome to the magical boulevard of dreams known as Broadway.

Maybe I spoke too soon.

[Applause]

[Orchestral music]

♪

[cheers and applause]

[Audience chattering]

He's bored.

He's checking his watch.

Well, he won't be bored for long.

Julie's next.

[Cheers and applause]

[Piano music]

♪

♪ What else can I do, love

♪ you know it isn't you, love

♪ I'd never be untrue, love

♪ you know I'd never stray

♪ but that river's rolling

♪ and distant bells are tolling ♪

♪ Telling me that I am bound away ♪

♪ Take me by my hand, love

♪ say you'll understand, love

♪ we will meet again, love

♪ on another day

♪ there is much I don't know

♪ I don't know where dreams go

♪ all I know is I am bound away ♪ Wasn't she great? Wasn't she wonderful?

She was so poised. Wasn't she poised?

She was very poised. She was very poised.

There he is.

He looks happy.

Well, if you saw that bathroom you'd understand why.

You know who I loved was the girl that sang away.

What was her name? Julie something?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Uh, Julie teeger. She was the best.

Yeah, I thought so too.

[Laughs]

And who would've thought she has the same last name as you.

That's unbelievable.

I think he bought it.

[Scoffs]

That's odd.

What?

He just threw away an unopened pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

Well, maybe he's trying to quit.

Excuse me.

Are you looking for miss Julie teeger?

Yes, ma'am. Have you seen her?

We wanted to tell her how beautiful and talented she was!

Okay, so how was it?

Oh, you were great.

You were so...

Poised.

Oh, honey, it was so wonderful.

And the song was... I mean, I cried.

We both cried.

Oh, really?

Yeah, and that last scene in the retirement home was so beautiful.

I just... i can't believe it's only for one night.

Why are you still in the makeup?

Oh, everyone's in makeup.

We thought it would be fun to go to the cast party this way.

Oh...

Hey, Julie! Come on! The party's starting!

Oh, good. Okay, um, I've got to go.

Uh, is it okay if I stay until the reviews come out?

Everyone's staying. Please say yes.

Oh, I don't know, I don't know. Okay.

That's a yes. I love you. Bye, mom. Bye, Mr. Monk.

Hey, monk.

What're you doing here?

Julie's musical.

The theater is right down the street.

Oh, yeah, was that tonight? How did it go?

She was great.

Everybody thought so, not just me.

Yeah, she was very poised.

I'm sure she was. Congratulations.

So what's going on here?

Jumper. She was staying at the hotel.

Looks like she checked out early.

May I take a look?

I thought you'd never ask.

Who was she?

Uh, Callie esterhaus.

She's a waitress at winberries.

She's local. Very local.

She lives about ten blocks from here.

She checked in about 6:00.

Was she alone?

She checked in alone. That's all we know.

Two champagne glasses.

She was expecting someone.

Yes, sir. She ordered room service about 8:15.

[Sniffs]

[Sniffs]

May we help you?

Are you wearing Cologne?

No, thank you for asking.

Do you smell that?

Probably her perfume.

No, that's men's Cologne.

My grandfather used to wear that.

[Sniffs] Oh. Oh, it smells nice.

[Sniffs]

It's not me.

Don't look at me.

Yeah...

I think her date showed up.

He showed up early, unexpectedly.

And he k*lled her.

How do you figure?

Her hair was wet... Yeah.

Right? Right.

Her new dress laid out on the bed, her makeup kit still open.

Mm-hmm.

Plus...

Only one false eyelash.

Oh.

Hey, officer, um, call Dr. D. Have him check the body for a false eyelash.

Yes, sir.

Uh, what do we do with this?

Chocolate strawberry.

The bite Mark. We're assuming it was the jumper's.

Don't assume anything. Bag it.

Where the hell's Randy?

Oh, I sent him out to get a newspaper.

You?

You're... you sent Randy out.

Well, who are you, the new police commissioner?

The morning edition comes out at midnight.

They're gonna review Julie's play.

For the love of god, he's a police lieutenant, not a bellhop.

Maybe he is.

Hey, monk, come here.

Come on.

Yeah, I don't think so.

Monk, if she was pushed...

And it's looking like she was pushed...

It happened out here.

This is the crime scene.

I'm good.

For the love of god, monk, it's a balcony.

It's perfectly safe.

It wasn't perfectly safe for her.

Well, she landed by the awning, so we figure she went over someplace about here.

I think she was over there.

By that plant.

Three or four leaves missing.

I think she grabbed at the plant as she went over.

[Chuckles] You're right.

Hey.

Ah...

What do you got?

It's a ribbon.

"Lasky."

Lasky jewelers.

It's probably from a jewelry box.

Well, it's small. Might have been a ring.

Officer, could you hang onto that for me, please?

Look at this footprint.

He was on his toes.

Yeah, I see it.

He was squatting.

Or kneeling.

He was proposing to her.

You know, that fits.

The hotel suite, the champagne, the ring box.

He comes here to propose to her, he pops the question, she turns him down, he snaps and kills her.

So we're looking for a boyfriend.

Boyfriend. Good.

Boyfriends are good. They're easy to find.

Hey.

Hey. Oh, did you get it?

Uh, yeah, uh, it's, uh... It's not in here, though.

Uh, maybe, uh... Maybe tomorrow's.

Well, can I see it?

No. Why?

Because he's a critic, Natalie.

Who cares what he thinks?

I mean, he's probably just a frustrated actor, anyway.

I'm too nervous. You read it.

Look, this is just one man's opinion, just... read it.

[Clears throat]

"Last night's premiere... First-rate material...

"Second-rate arrangements," blah, blah, blah...

No "blah, blah, blahs."

Let me see that. Give it.

Okay, uh, [Mumbling gibberish]...

"Julie teeger's rendition of away, "the classic ballad, was completely...

"Forgettable.

"A corny, cliche-filled performance

"that had me begging for less.

Ms. Teeger owes me four minutes of my life back."

That could mean anything.

You okay?

Oh.

He's just a jerk. It doesn't matter.

I guess not. [Laughs]

You were friends with Callie?

Callie esterhaus?

I knew her, but I didn't really know her, if you get what I mean.

She only worked here a couple of weeks.

Was she dating anyone?

I think so.

She was kind of private about that stuff.

I think he might've been married.

It was just a feeling I got.

Did she ever mention any names?

We, uh, found a date book in her apartment.

She referred to a man by initial...

[scoffs]

J. Does that mean anything?

Maybe his name began with a j?

Did you just write that down?

I put a question Mark after it.

"Corny, cliche-filled performance?"

How can they say that? It's just not true!

I thought you threw that out.

I bought another one.

Natalie, you're torturing yourself.

You've become obsessed with this review.

Look who's talking. That's true.

Okay, I get obsessed too, but I can handle it.

I've had years of experience.

How could he call her forgettable?

My daughter is anything but!

Shh.

Excuse me.

I'm sorry to interrupt you, but what...

What homicide case are you guys working on?

Because we're working on the Callie esterhaus case.

Maybe you remember it.

Natalie, forget about that review.

He broke my little girl's heart.

Julie's a tough kid.

She'll... He called her forgettable!

Well, don't just stand here whining about it.

Why don't you go yell at what's-his-face?

The, um... the... the critic.

His office is five blocks down the street.

Go on.

Sorry about that. She's had a tough day.

Did she know Callie too?

Uh, yeah, she did.

Natalie, for god...

Where'd she go?

[Phone rings]

It's the biggest engagement picture the paper's ever run.

I'm surprised your father didn't put it on the front page.

He wanted to.

I think daddy's more excited about this wedding than you are.

That's not possible.

Excuse me. John hannigan.

That all depends.

My name is Natalie teeger.

My daughter Julie teeger was in the play that you reviewed last night.

If you'll excuse me, I'm kissing my luscious fiancee.

Yeah, sorry, she sang away. The ballad, remember?

You called her "completely forgettable."

Your daughter is not forgettable.

No, what I meant to say was I wish I could forget her, but alas, the banality of that tune she tried to sing is seared indelibly in my brain.

Is that better?

You know what you are, Mr. Hannigan, you're a bully.

For your information, Julie got the most applause of anyone.

People loved her. They were crying.

Oh, I'm sure they were.

Ah, lunch.

Thank you, Kevin.

Winberries again?

I'm a creature of habit, darling.

Get used to it.

Your complaint has been noted, miss teeger.

Is there anything else?

Is there something wrong?

[Sniffs]

What about the people in the next room?

Maybe they heard something.

I already talked to them. They were out all night.

Fingerprints on the railing?

Yeah, there were fingerprints. They belong to the maid.

He must've worn gloves. This guy knew what he was doing.

There you are. Where have you been?

I've been thinking. I solved the case.

What case?

I know who k*lled Callie esterhaus.

It was John hannigan the critic.

Oh, Natalie.

Look, Natalie, we know you're upset about that review, but you can't go around accusing the man of m*rder.

No, he did it. I know that he did it.

I went to his office. He's wearing the same Cologne.

The Cologne that we smelled in that hotel room.

The Cologne you smelled.

Plus he's a "j." "J" for John.

Plus they probably knew each other.

She worked at winberries. That's his favorite restaurant.

He eats there every day.

Okay, okay, first of all, Callie esterhaus d*ed at 8:35, which was during Julie's show.

Hannigan was in his seat all night. We saw him.

No, he snuck out during the show.

The hotel is right down the street.

He k*lled her and then snuck back in.

Natalie, we were there.

You kept looking up at him.

He never left his seat.

You've got to admit, it's a pretty good alibi.

Sold-out theater, including Adrian monk.

He did it.

I don't know how he did it, but he did it.

That's what he always says.

Okay, what about motive? Okay?

Motive, you know, that's the reason.

Yeah, I know what a motive is, Mr. Monk.

Hannigan is planning to marry Diana Phelps, the boss's daughter.

If she knew about Callie, she would've left him and his career would've been over.

Okay, so you want us to go arrest the guy because his name begins with "j," and he might have met her.

I have proof.

You have proof?

Proof.

Proof positive. Ironclad.

If anybody sees it, they'll know he did it.

Julie.

Do I have to do this?

Oh, no. Sweetie, we talked about this.

This is a m*rder investigation. It's very important.

Okay, cell phones off.

What?

Cell phones off.

And if anybody has any hard candy, please unwrap it now.

Ready? Yes.

[Cd player plays away]

♪

♪ Say you'll understand, love ♪

♪ Take me by my hand, love

♪ we will meet again, love

♪ on another day

♪ there is much I don't know

♪ I don't know where dreams go

♪ all I know is I am bound away ♪

♪

[stops music]

So let's go pick him up.

What am I missing here?

That's your proof?

This is the proof.

Nobody who was in that theater who heard that voice could've written this review.

He wasn't there.

He couldn't have been there.

My daughter is not forgettable.

Mr. Monk.

Natalie, i...

I think Julie is wonderful, and she was wonderful last night.

Very poised.

But that doesn't necessarily mean... you don't believe me either?

Julie, sing it again.

♪ Why does... no, no, no, that's okay.

That's okay, sweetie, we got the point.

You made your point.

Um, Natalie, listen.

You've certainly given us a lot to think about.

Yeah.

Forget about it.

Sorry to have wasted your time, detectives.

Honey, let's go.

I'm... I'm sorry.

It... it wasn't my idea. I'm sorry.

It was very nice.

[Cell phone rings]

Hello?

Mr. Monk? I'm sorry to bother you.

Natalie, are you okay? Where are you?

I'm downtown. I'm at the police station.

The police station?

I've been arrested.

I don't understand. Wait a sec.

You were in the man's backyard?

That's right.

Looking through his garbage. What... what were you doing?

I was doing your job.

Natalie, just a review. It's just one review.

Yeah, and Julie seems fine with it.

It wasn't a review.

I mean, it wasn't a real review because he wasn't there.

Mr. Monk, he did it.

I know that he did it.

Because he criticized her?

Because she sings like an angel.

John hannigan, this is Adrian monk.

He consults with us upon occasion.

Yes, hello. I'm a big fan.

This is lieutenant disher, and, uh, I believe you know Natalie teeger.

Unfortunately, yes.

Um, good news.

Mr. Hannigan has graciously agreed to drop all charges.

So we're letting you off with a warning, miss teeger.

Oh, thank god.

I have an announcement too.

I'm not giving up. I am never giving up.

Because you broke my daughter's heart, and you k*lled that poor waitress down the street.

Now I've k*lled a waitress.

This is getting more pathetic by the minute.

Which explains what you were doing there.

You never review community theater.

And what about...

This?

Oh, god.

It's... What is that?

Uh, it's a Chinese dumpling.

I found it in your trash can.

These are your bite marks.

Look. The strawberry from the crime scene.

It's a perfect match.

Actually, we can't match it.

The strawberry was too soft. We couldn't get a cast.

Well, it looks the same to me.

Mr. Monk.

Uh...

I don't...

It's quite all right, gentlemen.

I've dealt with stage mothers before.

They're almost all delusional and, to some extent, unstable.

It's sad, really.

Miss teeger, my advice to you is to worry about your own problems and not try to live vicariously through your daughter.

I wish I could stay, but I have a column to finish.

Au revoir, gentlemen.

Miss teeger, you can keep the dumpling.

You monster!

Hey, hey, hey! Whoa, whoa...

She's not with us, I mean, not officially.

You're gonna rot in hell!

Not with us.

What's this?

A check for $300.

I'm hiring you, Mr. Monk.

I need your help. I can't do it myself.

Oh, this check's no good.

That's sweet of you to say, but... no, I mean it's literally no good.

You can't cover this.

Sure I can. I just deposited my paycheck on Wednesday.

Right, but I happen to know that that check is going to bounce.

So this check is pretty much worthless.

You wrote me a bad check?

How could you do that?

I might ask you the same question.

No, no, no...

Your check was bad first.

Natalie, there's no right and wrong here.

It's all tangled up.

One check, another check.

It's like the chicken and the egg.

No, it's not.

There... there's no egg here. There's no egg.

This is all chicken.

Look, you're taking my check and you're working for me.

Julie said the review doesn't matter, but I know that it does.

[Groans]

Julie's a kid. She'll bounce back.

How can you say that?

When have you bounced back from anything?

You're still dealing with stuff your father said to you when you were three.

People don't forget. People don't always bounce back.

This could ruin everything for her.

He wasn't there.

I just have to prove it, but I can't do it myself.

All right. All right. I'll take a look.

You can just owe me the money.

You owe me the money.

Why don't we just call it even?

How is that even?

Oh...

If I have to explain that to you, I'm probably paying you too much.

Whoa...

You're doing great.

Does Mr. Hannigan always sit up here?

As a matter of fact, no.

That was his first time.

Normally he's down here. Fifth row, center.

Yeah, why did he move?

I didn't question it.

I-I figured he wanted his privacy.

That... that's important, right? That sounds important.

Why was he sitting up here?

What's so important about this seat?

Shh.

This light's out.

I didn't notice it.

I'll get the maintenance guys on that.

Hold that.

It's not burnt out. Someone unscrewed it.

That's something. That's something, right?

He... he... he wanted to make it darker, so when no one was looking, he replaced himself with an inflatable dummy.

Yeah, I don't think so.

He was moving. I saw him clapping.

Well, how about a mechanical man, like a robot?

Yeah, maybe. I've got to wash up.

Mr. Monk, welcome back, sir.

Hello, gilson. I wonder if I could wash up.

Of course.

Mrs. Coruthers said you might be coming by.

Said it was part of a... A big, uh, investigation.

That's right. That's right.

Oh.

This... this is different.

Oh, yes, i-I've separated the antibacterial soap, sir.

I see that. I see that.

That's exactly how I have it at home.

High praise, indeed, sir.

Thank you.

Let me ask you something.

You know the box seat up there in the mezzanine, section b?

Yes, sir.

Do you think someone could sneak out of there during a performance?

I wouldn't know, sir.

Well, there's an exit door up there.

Where does it lead?

Uh, to a fire escape.

It leads out back, behind the theater.

Behind the theater.

Behind the... Look at these towels.

Look at these towels.

You are an artist, gilson.

Oh. No, you are...

You are the Michelangelo of lavatories.

Oh, thank you, sir.

You've got me curious.

Just what is the nature of the...

Of the case you're involved in?

Well, I'm here with my assistant, and she thinks that someone snuck out during the play on Saturday night, k*lled a woman up the street, and then snuck back in.

k*lled a woman?

His girlfriend.

And what do you think, sir?

Well...

I thought it was crazy at first, but now i'm beginning to think she's on to something.

Did you see anything...

That night, the night we met?

No, sir, not that I can recall, but I'm not the person to ask.

I-I don't have the best view of the house.

Of course, well, if you think of anything...

Anything unusual, here's my card.

Give me a call.

Yes, sir.

Good-bye again, sir.

It's always a pleasure, sir.

Michelangelo.

[Whistling a tune]

Mr. Hannigan. Oh!

Gilson.

What?

What are you doing here?

I-I'm sorry to bother you, sir.

I... oh, this is for you.

A small gift. I thought it might help.

There's a performance tonight.

You took a night off to bring me this?

Actually, I wanted to talk to you about Saturday night.

A policeman came to see me. A man named monk.

Monk.

A woman was m*rder*d near the theater.

Really?

Saturday night, about 8:30.

Are you...

Involved in something, sir?

I just don't want any trouble.

It's just a coincidence, gilson.

[Chuckles]

You worry too much.

Hey, as long as you're here, would you help me carry some boxes?

I'm supposed to bring them inside.

Yes, sir, i-I'd be happy to.

[Grunting]

How bad is it?

Oh, it's bad. Blunt force trauma.

He was hit from behind. Metal bat, maybe a crowbar.

Oh, no.

Construction crew found him on the bayshore freeway under an off-ramp.

Can... can we talk to him?

Maybe not for a while. He's in a coma.

How do you know this guy?

He's... he's my men's room attendant.

Okay.

It was John hannigan. He did it.

Oh, here we go.

No, it can't be a coincidence. He worked at the theater.

Teeger, give it a rest.

Are you gonna blame every crime in California on this guy?

What is this?

Stuff in his jacket.

Nicotine gum?

Yeah, we already checked. He never smoked.

It's probably a gift for someone else.

Wait...

Wait...

Don't hug me.

You're gonna want to hug me, but don't hug me.

Why?

You were right about hannigan. He's the guy.

I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Mr. Monk!

The... the man we saw that night, the man in the box seats, had a wristwatch, remember?

We saw him checking it.

John hannigan doesn't wear a wristwatch.

I wish I could stay, but I have a column to finish.

The man we saw in the mezzanine was not John hannigan.

It was the bathroom attendant.

They switched places. Here's what happened.

Hannigan needed a dupe, an accomplice.

He tricked gilson into helping him.

He must've said something like, "could you do me a favor?

"This is a two-hour show, there's no intermission, "I need a cigarette break, but I can't be seen leaving.

Could you take my place for a couple of minutes?"

When the lights went down, they switched places for eight, maybe ten minutes.

Just long enough for hannigan to run two blocks and throw Callie esterhas off the balcony.

Excuse me. May I say something?

I knew it.

I knew it, I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!

Oh, I got to call Julie.

Natalie, we can't prove it.

Can we?

He's right.

All we have is some nicotine gum and a wristwatch.

Hannigan's just gonna lawyer up. He'll deny everything.

I know. I know, you're right.

Where's the proof?

Captain, I hope this is important.

I have a deadline in 37 minutes.

Make that 36.

Her again.

Do I have to get a restraining order?

It was just a review. Get over it.

Mr. Hannigan, this is not about the review or what happened to Callie esterhas.

This is an entirely different matter.

Right this way.

That's him. That's him.

Are you sure?

What the hell is this?

It's okay, miss, he can't hurt you.

Go ahead. Tell us your story.

Well, last night I was downtown at winberries.

I was waiting for some friends, and he bought me a drink.

A rum and coke.

What? This is crazy. If you think... shut up!

Let her finish. Go on.

I finished the drink, and i...

I felt kind of...

Woozy and dizzy.

And he offered to walk me to my car.

And the next thing I knew I'm in the parking lot, and I'm fighting, and he was grabbing me, and he pulled me down.

This is preposterous. It wasn't me. I was home.

I was writing all night.

Well, her story checks out.

Her dress was ripped, and she has bruises on her shoulder.

I've never seen her before in my life.

Well, how did she get your business card?

She said you gave it to her.

I have no idea.

Captain, I swear to you.

I was home. I don't know this girl.

Mr. Hannigan, this is very important.

I want you to take a good, long look at this young woman.

Go on, take your time.

Be very careful.

Are you telling me that you...

You've never seen this girl before she walked in here today?

Yes, sir. I'm sure.

I'd swear on 100 bibles.

I have never seen this woman before in my life.

I believe you.

Lieutenant, did you hear what he just said?

Yes, I did.

Did everyone in this room hear what he just said?

You're all witnesses.

Mom, can we go home now?

Mom?

Mr. Hannigan, I'd like you to meet Julie teeger.

Julie was in the show that you reviewed on Saturday night.

But you missed her performance because you snuck off to m*rder your girlfriend.

No. Yeah.

No. She wasn't in the curtain call.

She was in costume.

She was wearing a wig and makeup.

That's right. That's right.

But in the first half she had a solo number, and she looked just like this.

You would've recognized her if you were there.

I think...

I need to call my lawyer. Yeah.

We have phones downtown. You can call from there.

Wait a minute. Mr. Hannigan...

Your review?

She's not too forgettable now, is she?

Get him out of here.

Mom, I think this is it. It's from the admissions office.

Dean of admissions. Okay, you open it.

No, I can't. I'm too nervous.

Mr. Monk, you open it.

I'd be happy to.

I'll call you later. Let you know what it says.

Where are you going?

Well, all my...

All my letter-opening equipment is at home.

No, open it now. Here. Here.

Okay, but you understand, it's not going to be perfectly straight.

Got that. Okay.

Here we go.

It's the big moment.

El grande... moment.

Are you excited?

Used to be. Open it.

Are you ready?

Yes.

May 17th.

Patricia green, Dean of admissions, department of theater and dance...

Okay, okay, okay, ah!

Administration building.

101 montley court, Berkeley, California.

98420.

Dear miss teeger...

That's you.

Wait, that is a nine.

Okay, that makes the zip 98920.

Or is it a four?

Read it. Read it.

May 17th... no, read it from where you were.

Dear miss teeger, we are pleased to inform you...

Both: [Scream]

I told you so. You're so talented.

Of course you got in!

My god, we have to go celebrate. Come on.

No, no, no, wait, whoa.

'Scuse me. I'm not finished here.

You can't stop reading in the middle of a letter.

May 17th.

Patricia green, Dean of admissions, department of theater and dance, administration building, 101 montley court, Berkeley, California, 984... or 9... 20.

Dear miss teeger... [Door shuts]