-♪ What would you do
if I sang out of tune? ♪
♪ Would you stand up
and walk out on me? ♪
♪ Lend me your ears,
and I'll sing you a song ♪
♪ I will try not to
sing out of key, yeah ♪
♪ Oh, baby, I get by ♪
- ♪ by with a little help
from my friends ♪
-♪ All I need is my buddies ♪
-♪ High with a little
help from my friends ♪
-♪ I'm sayin' I'm gonna get higher ♪ - ♪
try with a little help from my friends ♪
- ♪ Whoa-oa-oa-oa, yeah ♪
- ♪ ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
-While all indicators
suggest the u.s. Economy
Is an ocean of prosperity,
There still exist
islands of stagnation,
Where growth is at
a virtual standstill.
We'll be back with more news.
-40 Bucks?
Unbelievable.
-Every sunday night, once
the dishes were cleared,
My father would referee
a battle between his income
And his outgo.
-$16.34 for the damn
phone company?
-And from the looks of it,
The outgo packed some
pretty fair punches.
-Who the hell's been
leaving the lights on?!
-Spectators who knew
the circuit laid low.
-Highway robbery.
-By the time the
final blow had landed,
That old income would be reduced
To such a measly balance
That, in our house,
we had a word
For that negligible
chunk of change.
-Allowance!
-There's the word.
[Metal scraping]
[Creaks]
"Allowance"...
-1...
- The lifeblood of adolescence.
- 2...
3...
-The fine line
between expectation...
- 4...
- And reality.
-4 Bucks again?
-Not to imply we weren't
grateful for dad's largesse.
We just... Weren't.
-Come on, dad. Give
me a break here.
I got to live, you
know... Gas, girls.
-But when it came to taking pity
On our financial lifestyles,
dad was impervious.
-You know what the
problem with you boys is?
-Uh-oh.
[Whip cracks]
- you don't understand
the value of the dollar.
[Whip cracks] when
I was your age,
I had to walk to
school 30 miles!
Blizzards! Outdoor plumbing!
-Faced with a barrage
of this magnitude,
Resistance was futile.
-4 Beans?
I can't believe this.
[Scoffs]
-Kev?
-Still, no sense looking
a gift horse in the mouth,
Especially one the
size of my father.
-Here, dad.
-1...
2...
[Creaks]
[Slams]
[Metal scraping]
[Lock clicks]
-No getting around it...
-Thanks.
- The buck stopped here.
I mean, hey...
You can't squeeze
sympathy from a stone.
-20 Cents for a nutty buddy?
-Sympathy from those in
my tax bracket, however,
Was easier to come by.
-I'm barely getting by as it is.
-Unbelievable.
-By the fall of 9th grade,
Poverty was making
paupers of us all...
Most of us, anyway.
-Whoa!
Check out kovinsky!
-Mark kovinsky... The
howard hughes of rfk.
He had more money
than general motors.
Naturally, we all admired him.
-I hate him.
-That jacket must
have cost a fortune.
-What I wouldn't give
for that wardrobe.
-On our allowances?
Forget it!
-Facts were facts... In
macroeconomic terms.
-5 Bucks a week just doesn't
go as far as it used to.
-Wait a minute. Did he say...
-5 Bucks a week?
-Pretty disgusting, huh?
-Yeah, I'll say.
-Pretty soon I'm gonna have
to dip into my savings account.
-Paul was building an
investment portfolio
While I was living
on cold beans.
-[Sighs] 5 bucks a week.
-Why? What are you getting?
-Oh, uh... It's in
the $5 ballpark.
-Uh-huh, if the ballpark
was the size of kansas.
-It's almost embarrassing!
Oh, but don't tell anyone, okay?
I don't want them to
think my father's cheap.
[Creaks, slams]
-Oh, no. Not a word.
-But, suddenly, one
thing was clear...
Dad and I had
business to conduct.
Right here, right now.
[Briefcase slams]
Or maybe it could wait.
-Hi, honey. Why so late?
-Ken stein.
New fool in management.
He's busting my hump, norma.
-Aw, jack.
-Ahh.
He's working me like a dog.
What does he think I am,
his own personal lackey?
[Grumbling]
-But hold on.
Maybe this wasn't
gonna be so hard.
-Dad?
-Maybe dad and I were thinking
along the same lines here.
Maybe he'd be sympathetic to
the plight of the downtrodden.
-I-it's about my allowance.
You know, I've been thinking...
I-i'm in 9th grade
now, and, uh, well...
-Okay. Time for a clincher.
Something telling,
something tactful.
-Paul's father
gives him $5 a week.
[Buzzer]
-Uh-oh.
I'd just broken
the cardinal rule
Of child-parent negotiations...
Never compare
them to their peers.
-You want a raise
in your allowance?
- Fine.
- Huh?
-But you're gonna have
to do some more chores.
-Chores?
-Chores? I can do chores.
-I work hard for my paycheck.
You can work hard for yours.
-Hard work?
No problem!
-♪ Workin' in a coal mine ♪
♪ Goin' down, down, down ♪
♪ Workin' in a coal mine ♪
♪ Whoop! About to slip down ♪
-Nope, hard work
never hurt anybody.
-♪ Workin' in a coal mine ♪
♪ Whoop! About to slip down ♪
Hard work... Good for the
body, good for the soul.
-♪ I'm already up and gone ♪
-It's what this country
was founded on.
-♪ Lord, I'm so tired ♪
♪ How long can this go on? ♪
-♪ Dada workin' in a coal mine ♪
♪ Goin' down, down, down ♪
♪ Workin' in a coal mine ♪
-But beyond all the blood,
sweat, and backbreaking labor,
There was a sense
of satisfaction...
-Let's see...
- Accomplishment...
-1... 2...
- Impending wealth.
[Change jingles]
- 3.
-Chintz.
[Cash register dings]
-I can't believe it!
I practically rebuilt
the whole house!
-All right, well, how
much did he pay you?
-That's not the point!
The point is the
guy's busting my hump!
The point is...
-Working for your dad, huh?
[Chuckles]
-Great... "Diamond"
jim kovinsky himself.
-Kovinsky, what do
you know about it?
-Are you kidding?
I started out the
same way you did...
Bucking for allowance,
working for peanuts.
And then one day, I woke up.
-Huh?
-What's your dad do?
-None of your business.
-A working man. Mine too.
-Yeah. So?
-So...
Who says you have
to be like your dad?
[Cash register dings]
-Adolescence is filled with
moments of great revelation.
This was one of them.
-Where'd you get that?
-On the 18th green of the
whispering grass golf course.
-You made 20 bucks caddying?
-Cash tip.
Not bad for four
hours in the fresh air.
You've got two
choices, arnold...
Be like your dad...
Or be your own man.
See ya.
-I had only one question.
-Dad, can I be a caddie?
-Huh?
-Well, you see, there's
this guy at school who...
-What do you know about golf?
-Seemed to me he was
missing the point here.
-Well, uh, maybe
i-i could learn.
-Caddie? [Chuckles]
A wuss like you?
-Shut up, wayne.
-Honey, don't caddies
have to carry around
All those heavy bags?
-Seemed like everyone
was missing the point.
-Look, mark kovinsky makes
20 bucks a round, okay?
-There... 'Nuff said!
The old bottom line.
Try saying no to that!
-I don't think so.
[Telephone rings]
- what?!
-Hello?
-I couldn't believe it!
-Jack? It's ken.
-Here I'd laid out a plan
For total lifetime
financial solvency,
And he turns me down?
-Thanks. [Clears throat]
Yeah, ken.
No, no. Don't worry about
it. That's what I'm here for.
Whatever you say, ken.
Yeah. Yeah. Bye.
[Clears throat]
Damn.
-And that's when it hit me...
Kovinsky was right.
I had two choices...
Be like my dad...
Or be my own man.
-Where do I sign up?
-A free agent. A man of wealth.
A caddie.
Behold the working man.
-Whatever you say, ken.
-Behold the future millionaire.
-It's saturday.
You sure we need to work on...
[Sighs]
Okay, fine. Where?
-By the next weekend,
this much was obvious...
My dad and I were headed
in opposite directions.
-Fine. Yeah, bye.
-Wish me luck, dad?
-Not that I didn't
want his blessings.
-Don't fall in the lake.
-But if that's the way he
wanted it, I could handle it.
I was my own man now.
A man among... Many
more experienced men.
-Chandler, meet your
golfer at the first tee.
-Go get him, eddie.
-Still, I wasn't worried.
I was a dedicated
professional...
-Culver, you're up!
- A highly trained specialist...
-Coleman!
Norklen!
Fowler!
- An obvious unemployable.
It was beginning to look like
I was gonna lose
money on the day.
-Arnold!
What are you doing here?
-Oh.
I-i, uh...
-I get it. [Chuckles]
You're waiting for
the big one, aren't you?
Remember that $20
tip I told you about?
Well... That's the bag.
[Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!]
-And suddenly, I knew.
That bag was destined for
just one pair of shoulders.
-Arnold!
-Mine!
Yep, my fortune was made,
Thanks to patience,
tenacity, and, of course...
-Ken stein.
Looks like we're
together for 18.
-Kevin.
-Got a firm grip there, kevin.
I like a man with a firm grip.
-Let's see... Firm grip?
That'd probably be worth
at least $3.75 right there.
-Thanks, mr. Stein.
-Call me ken!
- "Ken."
It was a good name...
A golfer's name.
The name...
-Son, we're gonna have
kind of a working session.
You don't mind a
little shoptalk, do you?
- Of my father's boss.
-Jack, come over here
and meet young kevin.
-Kevin.
-It was a critical juncture.
-Jack.
-But we handled it well,
Like total strangers.
Live and let live.
-Isn't he a little
small to be a caddie?
-Make that every
man for himself.
-Hey!
I can carry my weight.
-That's the spirit
I like to see.
Arnold, you want
to do the honors?
-[Clears throat]
-So, the prelims were
over. We were on our way.
Me, heading for easy street...
My dad...
[Zoom!]
[Clunk!]
Heading for the rough.
-Tough way to start, arnold.
You wouldn't mind if I
kept score, would you?
-Whatever you say, ken.
-Let's play golf.
-Over the first few holes,
It became apparent this
wasn't my father's day.
I, on the other hand,
Was basking in the
sunlight of future riches.
-Nice sh*t, sir.
-Ken.
Call me ken.
-Ken.
-Yep, 20 bucks a
loop, 4 loops a week...
Carry the 4...
Easy money...
-Dagnabit!
- For a guy who knew how to
smooth out the rough spots.
-You know, they don't clip
these greens very well.
-You're darn right.
-Face it.
When it came to dealing
with management problems,
I had a certain... Flair.
-Ah, nice.
-I believe that
puts us 2 ahead, ken.
-You know, I got
my start as a caddie.
-Really?
-Yep, I felt kind of
a kinship to this guy.
He reminded me of... Me...
A real winner...
[Ducks quacking]
-Damn!
- In contrast to my
previous role model.
In fact, by the time we
reached the halfway point,
I was almost feeling
sorry for the old man.
-I figure you about 7
strokes off the pace, arnold.
Tell you what...
Maybe I ought to play
left-handed a few holes.
[Laughs]
- whatever you say, ken.
-Tell you what...
What say I buy us
all some sodas, huh?
-I'm all right.
-You?
-Sure.
-That's the spirit.
-Aha!
Spirit, I had...
Plus a shoulder
that was k*lling me.
-How you holding up?
-What?
-It's a big bag...
Must be heavy.
-W-well...
-You don't have to k*ll
yourself, you know?
He can finish with
another caddie.
-Another caddie?
So, that was his game.
-Hey, you don't have to
worry about me, all right?
-Suit yourself.
-And I would. I
didn't need his help.
-Here we go.
I had upper management.
-Say, jack, I've
been thinking...
-And then upper management
made one little mistake.
Maybe it's your clubs.
They're too old.
Cheap, you know?
- [Groans]
-Maybe if you put a
little money in your bag,
You might give us
more of a match, huh?
-And suddenly all bets were off.
-Well [sighs]
Let's just see what
these old clubs can do.
-Ouch!
Mama!
Goodbye!
-Not bad there, arnold.
-Not bad? Not bad?!
Those old clubs had banged out
Some of the most beautiful
sh*ts in the annals of golf.
[Wings flapping]
And as dad's game
turned into gold,
Mr. Stein turned
into... Mr. Hyde.
-Hell!
-Uh, it... It was
a difficult sh*t.
-Look, when I want your
advice, I'll ask for it.
Just keep the clubs
clean, will you?
-Okay.
-The funny thing is, the
smaller my tip began to look,
The heavier that bag got.
[Birds screeching]
By the 18th fairway, I'd
learned something interesting.
The whispering grass back
nine measures exactly 4,000 miles
Tee to green.
-Caddie!
Let's hustle it up, huh?!
-But I wasn't giving up.
I was gonna make that
easy money or die trying.
Whichever came first.
-Tough lie, ken.
-Still, there was
no reason to panic.
It was the last hole, and
dad was 3 strokes behind.
Make that 2.
Make that 1.
And then... It happened.
-Damn it all!
-But it was more than just a $51
Copper-faced, billy
casper, all-pro sand wedge
That disappeared into that lake.
-Get it!
-It was my dignity.
-Pardon?
-You heard me.
Bring it to me.
-And suddenly I felt very alone.
-Well, son?
-It was up to me.
I didn't have to go fetch.
I could have told that
guy what I thought of him
Right there, right then.
-I...
-But for some reason,
at that moment,
I heard myself utter four
words I'd heard somewhere before.
-Whatever you say, ken.
-And so, after 18 holes
spent counting future riches,
It all came down to this.
-You sink this one and
you b*at me, arnold.
-Here I was, up to
my knees in mud,
While my workaday dad was
about to carry off the prize.
It was the easiest
putt he'd had all day...
And he missed it
by a good 3 feet.
But that wasn't all.
-[Sighs]
-He missed the next one, too.
-That was a long, long day...
-[Chuckles]
-And somehow, all of a
sudden, I understood why.
-Ready?
-Uh, yeah. Ready.
-That day, I began to realize
something about this man
I was trying so
hard not to be like.
-How you holding up?
-I'm a little tired.
-He understood
the value of money
And the cost of it.
-Hey, it's too bad
about that putt.
-A putt's a putt.
-You could have made it, dad.
-Maybe.
-I guess dad knew
he could lose a game
And still not lose his manhood.
His pride didn't
hinge on a stupid sh*t
Or some shiny, new clubs.
And I suddenly knew
Exactly what I wanted
to use my money for.
-Dad?
Can I buy you lunch?
-Whatever you say, kev.
-It was the first time I
ever really said thank you
To the man for
all he'd given me.