♪ Here's the story ♪
♪ Of a lovely lady ♪
♪ Who was bringing up ♪
♪ Three very lovely girls ♪
♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪
♪ Like their mother ♪
♪ The youngest one in curls ♪
♪ It's the story of a
man named Brady ♪
♪ Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
♪ They were four
men living all together ♪
♪ Yet they were all alone ♪
♪ Till the one day when
the lady met this fellow ♪
♪ And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪
♪ That this group must
somehow form a family ♪
♪ That's the way we all
became the Brady Bunch ♪
♪ The Brady Bunch ♪
♪ The Brady Bunch ♪
♪ That's the way we
became the Brady Bunch. ♪
Mom, how come
we suddenly decided
to clean all this old
junk out of the attic?
Because we need
room for all the new junk.
Listen, I think I've
toted my last barge
and lifted my last bale.
Besides, I want to work on this
before the kids get at it.
I've heard that before.
What's so funny?
This old picture's so funny.
Look at it. Look.
That's a picture of
my great-grandmother.
Is that supposed
to be a bathing suit?
That is a turn-of-the-century
full-length bikini.
As a matter of fact, my
great-grandmother got arrested
for wearing one of those.
What for?
Indecent exposure.
Well, look, her
knees are showing.
Oh, horrors, that naughty girl.
Hey, look at this one.
It's Jan!
Gee, I don't
remember taking that.
Well, you didn't, honey.
That's a picture
of my Aunt Jenny.
It was taken when she
was just about your age.
My goodness, that must
have been about 40 years ago.
The resemblance is
remarkable, Mrs. Brady.
It really is, isn't it?
Looks just like Jan.
Exactly.
Gee, it's spooky.
Well, come on,
everybody, up and at 'em.
There are a lot more
goodies in the attic.
Come on.
I wonder what
she looks like now.
Maybe that's what
you're going to look like.
I think I'll send Aunt
Jenny a picture of myself
and ask her to send
me a picture of herself.
Good idea.
I'm going to write
her right away.
I can hardly wait to
see what she looks like.
Hi, Alice.
Hi, sweetie.
Is there any mail for me today?
Honey, you have been
asking me that for ten days.
And, every day, I have told
you the same thing... "no!"
Today I'm going
to tell you "yes."
There is? On the counter.
Oh!
It's from her! It's from her!
It's from who? It's from who?
"Dear soul sister,
thanks for your picture
"and I bet we're the first twins
"that were ever
born 40 years apart.
"Like you wrote,
it's real spooky.
"Enclosed is the
latest photo of me.
"Hope that very soon
we can exchange hugs
"instead of pictures.
Love, Jenny."
Oh, boy...
Oh, no...
Eh... eh... Screwdriver?
Thank you.
All right, k*ller McGrew,
we got the building surrounded.
So you can drop your g*ns
and come out with
your hands high.
Will you stop horsing around?
Eh? I'm a little deef.
Will you get me some oil?
I got a sticky turntable here.
Yes, Honorable Father.
Cut it out and get out of here.
Dad, can I talk to you for
a minute about something?
Why, sure.
Well, I'm having a little
problem with biology.
Well, I'm no Luther
Burbank, but sh**t.
Well, it's about heredity
and what makes people
grow up the way they do.
You mean chromosomes and genes.
I guess that's what I mean.
How do they work, dad?
Well, like I said,
I'm no expert,
but the genes in
your chromosomes
are what carry your,
uh... huh... your heredity...
Your traits... from
generation to generation.
That's how come a bean ends up
looking like another bean
instead of a cucumber
or something.
So you mean when you're born,
your genes have
already figured out
what you're going to look
like when you grow up?
Yeah, pretty much.
Well, if two people looked
alike when they were children,
would they look alike
when they grew up?
Well, it's not for sure,
but there's every chance.
Ha-ha.
Does that clear
things up a little?
That clears things up a lot.
I can see the wrinkles
starting already.
Yuck.
Jan, are you still in there?
I'll be out in a minute!
You've been saying a
minute for a half hour.
Now, come on,
we've got to wash up.
Okay.
You're going to cr*ck the mirror
looking at yourself so much.
I don't think
that's at all funny.
Are you trying
to say I'm so ugly,
my face could cr*ck a mirror?
Hey, take it easy, Jan.
He was just kidding.
Well, I think it's
the cruelest cruelty
to kid a person
about her ugliness.
A person can't
help how she looks.
She's weird.
Oh, so now I'm weird-looking?
He didn't say that.
Did you say "weird" or not?
I didn't mean weird weird
I meant... strange.
Strange?
I can't do anything
about my face,
so why tease me about it?
What was that all about?
Jan's got a thing about
her face all of a sudden.
What's the matter with it?
I don't know.
It's the same face
she always had.
Jan...
do you want to talk?
Come on.
That's what older
sisters are for.
This is Aunt Jenny now...
Me 40 years from now.
What are you talking about?
Don't you understand?
If I look like this now,
I'll look like that then.
Who says so?
Heredity.
I read all about genes,
and I talked to
Dad about it, too.
Jan, I think you're getting
all upset about nothing.
Don't try to make me feel better
'cause it won't work.
Look... why worry
about something now
that won't happen for 40 years?
I didn't think
about it that way.
No sense in crying about it now.
I'll be happy while I still can.
And maybe, just
maybe, I won't grow up
to look like her.
But I will!
I know I will!
Missionary? Why?
Well, this certain woman
has nothing to look
forward to in life,
and she wants to dedicate
herself to good causes.
I saw a movie once
about missionaries.
This girl, she got
bitten by a tsetse fly
and she got this
terrible disease
and while she was
lying in this crummy tent,
the natives started
b*ating on their drums.
And the next thing you know,
she was kidnapped by cannibals
and they put
her in this big pot.
Oh, you're making it up.
I am not; it's a true story.
I saw it on the late show.
Or this woman could
join the Peace Corps
or the Navy or work
for a photographer
in a darkroom.
Now, that's out of left field...
Work in a darkroom?
Sure. In a darkroom,
it doesn't matter
what a girl looks like.
Mike, I've got great news.
Yeah, me, too, sweetheart.
If I have fixed this
gramophone properly,
you're about to hear
Al Jolson sing again.
Ah, terrific.
Yeah. What's your news, honey?
Aunt Jenny's coming
to visit us tomorrow.
Hey, great. I look
forward to meeting her.
You have to pick
her up at the airport?
No. She just says
in her telegram
that she's arriving tomorrow.
Well, I thought I had
that turntable fixed.
Did you want me, mom?
Oh, honey, I've got great news.
Aunt Jenny's coming
to visit us tomorrow.
Aunt Jenny?
Yes. You're finally
gonna get to see
your look-alike face-to-face.
Isn't that wonderful news?
What's so wonderful about it?
We may as well face it...
There's no hope for me.
The picture proves it.
Now, Jan, maybe you don't think
Aunt Jenny's attractive,
but that's just your opinion.
Maybe it's just a bad picture.
That's what I'm
going to look like.
Daddy told me himself all
about heredity and genes.
Oh, that's what
that was all about.
And you told me
that when you're born,
the genes have already figured
out what you're gonna look like
when you grow up.
Jan, what a person looks like
is influenced by
a lot of things...
Not just genes.
There's... environment,
diet, emotions.
There's no guarantee
that you're gonna
look like Aunt Jenny
or anyone else.
But can you give me
a positive guarantee
that I won't end up
looking like Aunt Jenny?
I think we're being raided.
Thanks for the escort, Sonny!
You know where
to send my tickets
to the policemen's ball!
Sam, check the
carbons on the pistons.
You've got a bad knock there.
Oh, Aunt Jenny!
Carol, honey!
You haven't changed at all
from the pretty
little girl I remember,
excepting you're prettier,
and in more places.
Oh, Aunt Jenny!
Oh, it's so good to see you.
Well, Aunt Jenny, this is Alice.
Hello.
Hi, Alice.
And this is my husband, Mike.
How do you do, Aunt Jenny?
What kind of a
how-do-you-do is that?
This is a how-do-you-do! Ha!
Oh, mercy.
Jan wrote me she has
five brothers and sisters.
How long have you two
been married, anyway?
Three years.
Three years.
Crazy, headstrong kids.
And, last but not
least, Aunt Jenny,
this is Bobby.
Aw. How are you, darling?
Hi, Aunt Jenny.
My goodness,
aren't you beautiful!
Well, that just
leaves my look-alike.
Where's Jan?
Oh, well, she's
probably up in her room.
I'll see if I can find her.
Okay.
Gather 'round, kids.
I've got some presents for you.
That wasn't
necessary, Aunt Jenny.
But it's nice. I'm with you.
Don't look a gift
Aunt in the mouth.
I'm going to be in
Istanbul this Christmas,
so better early than never.
Now, let's see what I've got.
I figure you might
be a basketball fan.
I sure am.
Oh, well, here we go.
Wow!
It's autographed
by Wilt Chamberlain.
Do you know him?
I've known him since he
was no higher than that.
Now, let's see...
You dig magic, Peter?
Yeah, I love it.
Okay, come on.
Put these on me.
Okay. They belonged
to Harry Houdini.
Really?
Harry and I played the
same vaudeville circuit.
I did a tap dance and
a snappy-patter routine.
Okay, okay.
Now concentrate.
Okay.
Hold my hands.
Now, one... two... Kalamazoo.
Wow!
How did you do that?
I'll tell you later.
Now let's see what
we've got here.
This is for you, love.
What is it?
It's a shofar.
You only blow it
on Rosh Hashanah.
There you go.
What's written on it?
It's Hebrew.
That's L'Shanah
Tovah, which means
"Happy New Year!"
Golda Meir gave it to me.
Well, here's your
look-alike, Aunt Jenny.
Well, if that doesn't
blow a person's mind.
Hello, soul sister.
Hello, Aunt Jenny.
Who says time marches on?
It just rolled back
40 years for me.
Oh, wait a minute. Wait.
I've got something for you.
Here you are.
A little something
Pietro knocked out for me
while I was having lunch
at his pad on the
Riviera one day.
Oh. Well, what's
it supposed to be?
It's a portrait of me.
And I'm afraid it looks like me.
Well, that certainly
is a valuable gift
for a young girl, Aunt Jenny.
Oh, darling, I've
got dozens of these
cluttering up my walls at home.
Oh, uh, thank you, Aunt Jenny.
You're welcome.
Aunt Jenny, we'd like
to explain about Jan.
You see, well, she's a little
shier than the rest of the kids.
Isn't she, Mike?
Oh, yeah, that's,
that's all it is.
Balderdash!
I got some bad
vibrations in there.
Now, that child doesn't dig me
and I'd like to know why.
Quit b*ating around the bush,
'cause I'm an old bushwhacker.
Okay, I guess we
do owe you the truth.
Um... Well, Aunt
Jenny, it all started
when Jan received your
photograph in the mail.
The groovy thing about a sari
is, you don't have to
wear a girdle with it.
Indira Gandhi wears
them all the time.
Now, this...
this is for outback
country in Australia.
It's great for
chasing kangaroos.
Hmm... um...
Jan, why don't we
rap a little, hmm?
I didn't ask you up here
just to be my lady-in-waiting.
I, uh... I wanted you to know
that I know what's bugging you.
Oh?
And I can't say
that I blame you.
Did my parents say
something to you?
Yes. Oh...
But I had to drag
it out of them.
I'm so embarrassed, Aunt Jenny.
Don't be embarrassed, love.
I agree with you.
I'd rather look like
Raquel Welch myself.
Of course, I could have
been beautiful if I wanted to.
You could?
Oh, plastic surgery does wonders
with noses and chins.
They even can put in curves
where there's nothing
but straight highway.
Why didn't you do it?
Oh, just never had the time.
Besides, there are lots
of pretty faces around,
but how often do you
see a puss like this?
Whoops.
Aunt Jenny, where does the word
"sukiyaki" come from?
Japanese farmers
used to roast meat
over a fire at
the end of a rake.
So yaki means "to
roast," and suki is a rake.
Well, sukiyaki certainly
looks better on a menu
than roasted rake.
Hey, how am I doing with these?
Thinner, thinner.
I want to be able to read
a newspaper through it.
Where'd you get this recipe?
From one of Emperor
Hirohito's chefs.
I ran into him at the
Ginza one afternoon.
I swapped him a recipe of
Madame Khrushchev's for borscht.
I'll get it.
Hello? Yes, she is.
Just a minute.
It's long distance
for you, Aunt Jenny.
It's your secretary.
Oh, will you take
a message, honey?
She's tied up right now.
Can I take a message?
Oh?
Would you spell that, please?
Yeah, I certainly will. Bye.
Aunt Jenny, I hate to be
the one to break the news,
but, uh, you now own a llama.
Oh, that's nice.
A llama?!
Yeah, the Humane Society
gave it to you in appreciation
for the help you gave
in your fundraising drive.
Hey, the dessert looks groovy!
Now, Aunt Jenny, what are
you going to do with a llama?
Oh, no problem.
It can graze in the
backyard with the zebra.
Now I shall pass the chanuya
or "honorable tea."
Everybody take a sip.
In Japan, a sip like that
would be an insult to the host.
Let's hear it, honey.
Ah... very good.
That the host will dig.
I'll get it.
Hello.
Uh... yes. Just a minute.
Aunt Jenny, it's your secretary.
I can't be interrupted
in the middle of a tea ceremony.
Will you take the message, hon?
Um, uh... she would like
me to take the message.
Yes.
Yeah, I've, I've got it.
I'll tell her.
Well, Aunt Jenny,
you've been invited
to a birthday party
on Ari's yacht.
Is he kidding?
I'm not canceling my Peace
Corps assignment in Bolivia
for any birthday party.
I'll cable Jackie, though.
She's a real trip.
Boy, I never ate
with chopsticks.
It's easy. Watch.
- Mmm...
- Pretty good.
It's looking good.
Oh, boy.
This is the easiest way, kids.
Haven't dropped a
grain of rice in... 20 years.
You must travel around
the world a lot, Aunt Jenny.
Ah, traveling is
the spice of life.
I will never forget the
time I was in Bangkok.
I went to this little nightclub
and who was playing the
saxophone but the King himself.
Great jazz buff, the King.
Why, I was pretty good
on the trumpet myself
before my lip went.
So I sat in on a jam
session with him.
I had such a time.
Before I knew it,
we were back in the palace,
and I was teaching the
King how to blow "Charge."
♪ Da-da-da-da-da-da! ♪
Charge!
I'll get it.
Hello.
Oh, just a minute.
Aunt Jenny, guess who.
Shall I take a message?
Please, honey.
Okay.
Hello? Yes, I'll take a message.
Uh-huh... uh-huh!
Oh, I certainly will tell her.
Thank you. Bye-bye.
Aunt Jenny, guess what.
A dozen long-stemmed roses
have just been
delivered to your house,
along with a marriage proposal!
That's that goofy Lester again.
Who's Lester?
A United States senator.
A senator?
Are you going to marry him?
Nah. I get lots of proposals.
Well, why don't you
accept one of them?
Oh, I guess I'm too
young to settle down yet.
Say, isn't anybody gonna
eat my bean curd cakes?
I'm gonna stop this myself.
Hello.
Yes, it is.
Now, look, Hazel, why
don't you knock it off?
Oh... I plumb forgot!
Yeah, yeah, don't worry.
Don't worry, I'll make it.
Well, kids, I'm sorry
to not eat and run.
I've got to catch the
11:00 plane for Paris.
Paris? What?
A dinner at the American
Embassy for Georges... Pompidou.
It's a bore, but you know
how sensitive those French are
if you turn them down.
Oh, do you have to go?
I'm afraid so, sweetie.
Well, I wish you could stay.
Now, that's nice to hear.
I've really got to
go, but I'll be back.
Good.
I'll get your bags.
Yeah, let me help.
I think Aunt Jenny's
the most wonderful
woman I ever met,
and I'm going to grow
up to look just like her.
Honey, like I told you,
genes are funny things.
There's a good
chance you might not.
But there's a good
chance I might.
It's from Aunt Jenny!
What do you think it is?
Well, if it's from Aunt Jenny,
it could be almost anything.
Whoo!
A plaster cast?
I'm surprised
there isn't a leg in it.
Let's see what she says.
"Dear soul sister,
"I really goofed this time.
"After Paris, I tried to work
off that fattening French gravy
"skiing in Switzerland.
"I just got the cast off.
"Had it autographed for you.
Regards to the
g*ng. Love, Jenny."
My goodness, look at this.
Jean-Claude Killy? Ooh!
My gosh, Peggy Fleming!
Sir Edmund Hillary!
Paul Newman!
Look at this.
He's a racing car driver.
Hello.
Yeah. Who's calling?
Just a minute.
Jan. Yeah?
Stevie for you.
Oh, thanks.
Hello, Stevie.
Saturday night?
Yeah. At whose house?
I guess that'll be okay.
Of course, you understand
I'm not ready to settle down yet.
I won't be until
I'm at least 60.
And, even then, I'm not sure.
But Saturday night's okay.