♪ Here's the story ♪
♪ Of a lovely lady ♪
♪ Who was bringing up ♪
♪ Three very lovely girls ♪
♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪
♪ Like their mother ♪
♪ The youngest one in curls ♪
♪ It's the story of a
man named Brady ♪
♪ Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
♪ They were four
men living all together ♪
♪ Yet they were all alone ♪
♪ Till the one day when
the lady met this fellow ♪
♪ And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪
♪ That this group must
somehow form a family ♪
♪ That's the way we all
became the Brady Bunch ♪
♪ The Brady Bunch ♪
♪ The Brady Bunch ♪
♪ That's the way we
became the Brady Bunch. ♪
I made out the
shopping list, Mrs. Brady
finished the washing,
and I don't think...
Alice, will you please
stop worrying, we'll be fine.
Now just have a nice vacation.
I will, I really will.
You know, it just broke my heart
saying good-bye to the
children this morning.
It's just going to
seem like a year
before I see them again.
Alice, you're only
going to be gone a week.
So I'm 358 days off.
Well, they're going
to miss you, too.
Well, I wouldn't
go if I didn't know
you'll have a first-rate
pinch hitter for me.
You're gonna love
my Cousin Emma.
Oh, yeah. I'm sure we will.
Like I said, she's
efficient, well-organized...
a born manager.
Oh, there she is now.
Hi, Emma.
Hi there, Alice.
My, it's good to see you.
You, too.
Emma, meet Mr. And Mrs. Brady.
Hello, Emma.
Hi, it's nice to
have you with us.
We hope you'll be comfortable.
Thank you. I just hope
that I'm able to make
you people comfortable.
There are six more
Bradys to meet
when they get home from school.
Good... the more there
are, the better I like it.
Oh, that'll be Sam to
drive me to the airport.
Well, adios, aloha
arrivederci and auf wiedersehen.
Alice, now, what kind
of a good-bye is that?
When you get on an
airplane nowadays,
you never know where
you're going to end up.
Bye.
You take good care
of the Bradys, Cousin Emma.
I'm coming!
I think I can handle
the job, folks.
I wasn't 20 years in
the WACs for nothing.
Mustered out as master sergeant.
Master sergeant?
Yes, Ma'am.
Helped run the mess
hall for an entire company.
That must have been
a very difficult job.
Not if you're organized.
Halt!
About face.
Forward march,
and close the door.
Come on, hut-two,
hut-two hut, hut, hut...
move along.
Hut, hut-two, hut-two, hut-two.
It's just a question of control.
Hut-two?
What's happening?
I don't know.
There it is again.
Up and at 'em, men.
Up and at who?
Move it. Out of the sack.
Hut-two, hut-two.
But it's barely light outside.
Right. Rise with the sun,
get your day's work done.
But we don't work.
We go to school.
Makes no difference.
Good habits start early in life.
Do they have to start
so early in the morning?
Cut the chatter, men.
Suit up and fall out in
the yard in 15 minutes.
The yard?!
What are we going
to do in the yard?
Rise and shine, girls.
Breakfast at 0800 hours.
But it's only 6:00
In the morning.
What are we supposed
to do till 0800 hours?
Calisthenics.
Calisthenics?!
Oh, no!
And when I say calisthenics,
I mean calisthenics!
Hut-two, hut-two...
Hut-two, hut-two
jump tall.
Hut-two and that's all.
If that's all, I think I'll
be going back to bed.
As you were.
Never break formation until
you've been given the order.
Back, back, snap to it!
Hut, hut, hut!
We're just getting warmed up.
How come we had to come out here
to get warmed up?
Yeah.
I was warmer in bed.
Boy, she really has
the kids hustling.
Do you think it might be
too much for them, Mike?
Oh, a little exercise
can't hurt them.
What we're going to do now
are deep knee bends.
And I mean deep.
Got it?
Ready, set, exercise.
Hut-two, hut-two.
Heads up, chests out.
Backs straight, looking great.
This is for the birds.
Yeah. The birds.
Are you kidding?
No bird in his right mind
would do knee bends
at 6:00 in the morning.
Can she do this to us?
She's doing it, isn't she?
My knees bent okay
before we started.
Hut-two, hut-two...
hut-two, and that's all.
Fall out.
Can we eat now?
I'm starved.
Simmer down.
There'll be no chow until
after inspection of quarters.
Get a little more elbow
grease on those shoes.
Yes, sir... ma'am.
That's no way to stow socks.
You roll them like this.
That's a regulation sock roll.
That looks like a
mushy bed, soldier.
Tighten that blanket.
That quarter's supposed
to jump like a spring.
Yes, ma'am.
Why?
Why?
Regulations... that's why.
Well, it's not too bad...
for a first inspection.
At ease.
This is like being in the army.
I wonder what the punishment is
for going over the hill.
That's funny.
Well, girls, do you think
this room can
stand the glove test?
What's the glove test?
That is the glove test.
Get rid of that dust.
Why don't we keep the dust
and get rid of her?
Uncle Sam had her.
Why didn't he keep her?
Hi, honey.
Hi.
Uh-oh. Something's wrong.
What makes you say that?
Because you have
that "something's
wrong" look in your eye.
Well, it's Emma.
Uh-oh, what's the
matter with Emma?
Well, I know she
means well, honey,
but she's awfully
hard on the kids.
Oh, you mean the exercises?
Well, it's not just
the exercises.
It's the room inspections
and that awful
"hut-two, hut-two"
all over the place.
She's just one of those persons
that has to have
everything organized.
Boy, you're not kidding.
She's organized me right
out of my own kitchen.
Oh, by the way, this is for you.
She wants you to initial it.
Yeah? What's this?
Well, it's a duty roster.
A duty roster?
Yeah. She's given
the kids assignments.
There's K.P., laundry detail,
trash detail, bathroom detail.
I'm surprised she
didn't say "latrine."
She did.
I had to translate for the kids.
Well, honey, there's
nothing wrong
with the kids having
duties assigned to them.
You mean you
approve of all this?
Well, a little
discipline can't hurt.
Okay. I wonder if
you'll feel the same way
at dinner tonight.
What's going to
happen at dinner tonight?
You'll see.
Troops! In here, troops.
Come on, in here. Grab
a plate and get in line.
Form a line right around here.
No pushing.
Organization is
the order of the day.
What are we eating?
Potatoes MacArthur,
beef Eisenhower
and succotash pentagon.
After you've finished eating,
I want you to
rinse off your plates
and pile them in the sink.
Who's got K.P.
On the duty roster?
I guess I do.
Well, then you eat first.
Hut-two, hut-two.
What did she say we were having?
Succotash pentagon?
Hut-two, hut-four, I
don't like this anymore.
I've got the terrible feeling
we've all been drafted.
Dad, Mom, can we
talk to you for a minute?
Sure. What's the trouble?
What isn't the trouble?
Do we have to go in
for all that gung-ho jazz?
Especially the exercises.
Well, son, nothing wrong
with building up your body.
And what better way
than exercising every day?
I'm glad to hear you feel
that way, Mr. and Mrs. Brady.
People don't always
like what's good for them.
Yeah, that's what
I was pointing out.
Kids need exercise.
Adults, too, Mr. Brady,
if you know what I mean.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think I know what you mean.
You, too, Mrs. Brady.
You've got a nice
little figure there.
You wouldn't
want it to go to pot.
No, I... I guess I wouldn't.
Good. Then I'll expect you both
to join us tomorrow
morning. Roger?
Like you said,
there's nothing wrong
with building up your bodies.
What better way than
exercising every day, right?
Tomorrow morning at 0600 hours.
0600 hours?
That's... that's...
that'S 6:00 in the morning.
Hut-two, three, four.
Hut-two, three, four.
Hut-two, three, four.
Make those tummies
clear the floor.
Five, six, seven, eight.
Lower those backs
and keep them straight.
Hut-two, three, four.
Hut-two, three, four.
Hut-two, three, four and halt.
Well, it certainly
makes you feel better.
Doesn't it?
I don't know.
Right now, I
can't feel anything.
All right, troops, may
I have your attention?
I'd like to make
an announcement.
Tomorrow morning,
we will not be
doing calisthenics.
Hold it, hold it.
Instead, I have a
special surprise.
Hut-two, hut-two,
hut-two, come on in.
Hut-two, hut-two, hut-two,
that's good, hut-two.
Hut-two, hut-two,
hut-two, hut-two.
All present and accounted for?
Hut-two, hut-two.
All right, fall out.
Hut-two, hut-two, hut-two...
Oh, honey, I'm sorry
I got you into this.
Why didn't you just
drop out and go home?
Are you kidding?
And face a court martial?
Chow time!
As Sergeant Emma
would say are you a-okay?
Oh, no, my "A" is far from okay.
And my "B" and "C" are the same.
You know, if Emma
weren't Alice's cousin,
I'd ship her out
for overseas duty.
Yeah. Hear, hear.
Come in!
Mom? Dad?
Yeah?
On behalf of all the kids,
we'd like to put a
proposition to you.
What kind of proposition?
Well, if we don't
have to have Emma
the rest of the week,
we'll do all the housework.
We'll even get up at 0600 hours
and do stuff before
we go to school.
And we'll come
home right after school
and do work, too.
What we're trying to say is,
we'd like an honorable discharge
from Emma's Army.
Well, that's funny.
Your father and I were
just talking about that.
And?
Well, um, it's not
quite that simple.
Emma is Alice's cousin
and we're on kind
of delicate ground.
We wouldn't want
to hurt Alice's
feelings, would we?
I guess not.
We didn't think of that.
Mmm, well, I guess
we're all stuck
for the duration.
I wish we could give her
a three-day pass or something.
Yeah, that sure would help.
Hey, why not?
Mike, why couldn't we get her
to take a couple of days off?
Or even one!
That's a good idea.
Let's talk to her.
Oh.
Oh, just arranging
these dishes in G.I. order.
Have you ever read
the army manual on
mess hall organization?
No, I'm afraid I haven't.
Well, you should.
It's an eye-opener.
Uh, Emma, we appreciate
your working so hard,
but Mrs. Brady and I
are a little concerned about it.
Yeah, we think
you've been working
just a little too hard.
Nothing wrong with hard work.
No, no, but you can overdo it.
Even in the army they gave you
three-day passes, didn't they?
Oh, sure they did,
but I never took them.
You never took them.
Mr. And Mrs. Brady, I served
20 years in Uncle Sam's army.
Never goldbricked once...
I'm not about to start now.
No, sir. I've got a
week's special duty here.
You're gonna get
every minute of it.
Oh, Mr. Brady,
that buckle of
yours is tarnishing.
I've got an army glad rag
that'll shine that right up.
We heard.
Sorry, kids.
Emma's not going to
budge until Alice returns
from her vacation.
I don't think I can stand it
till Alice gets back.
There must be
something we can do.
I called you guys together
for some good news.
Marcia and I have figured out
some plans for Sergeant Emma.
Good!
All right, you two
get a special mission
that's going to knock
Emma for a loop.
And you two are going
to help me and Greg.
Come here.
Think Emma's going to be scared?
Sure. Remember Alice?
She screamed, and
jumped ten feet high.
Emma will leave here
as fast as she can.
Where shall we put it?
Hey, how about the wastebasket?
Perfect!
Okay, Goliath, we're
counting on you.
Sure was nice of Benjie
to lend us his pet mouse.
Yeah.
Ready?
Roger.
Emma's got me saying it.
Okay, go.
Emma! Emma!
There's a rat in the kitchen!
It's great big! It's
got huge yellow teeth.
They're probably
all over the place!
Where's this one?
It's in the wastebasket!
Watch out! Those
teeth are horrible!
And yellow! Awful!
Ooh, it's going to get us!
Oh, what? This little fellow?
Ooh! He's going to get us!
Why, he wouldn't hurt a fly.
Remember, good soldiers
aren't afraid of anything.
He's cute.
Here, make a pet out of him.
She sure wasn't
scared of a mouse.
Maybe Benjie has a skunk.
Skunk! I think we
need King Kong.
♪ As we hit the dusty trail... ♪
Hi, Emma.
Hi, troops.
♪ As those caissons
go rolling... ♪
You want something?
Well, we were just wondering
why you're working so hard
if you feel so bad.
Who says I feel bad?
You're always telling us to
stand up straight like you do.
And, from the way
you're bent over,
you must feel terrible.
I'm just bent over dusting.
Well, what about
the dark circles?
What dark circles?
Under your eyes.
Yeah. You look kind of feverish.
Feverish?
Maybe we shouldn't
have said anything.
Yeah. Forget it, Emma.
See you around.
Hi, Emma.
Hi.
Emma, are you feeling okay?
Well, sure, I'm feeling okay.
Oh, but your face is so flushed.
I thought you might be sick.
And what's the
matter with your eyes?
My eyes? Why?
Well, they look kind of glazed.
Maybe she's getting the pinkeye.
Emma, now you're
getting pale as a ghost.
Pale?
You better sit down.
You look like you might faint.
Why, I never fainted
in my whole life.
I think you're supposed
to put your head
between your knees.
Emma, you ought to take it easy.
Go away for a
couple of days' rest.
Right!
You know what's
the matter with me?
It's those calisthenics.
Boy, I bet that's what it is.
Too much exercising, right?
Wrong. I've been
too easy on myself.
Getting soft as a civilian.
Effective 0600 hours
tomorrow, double calisthenics.
We are really going to
shape up around here.
♪ Over hill, over dale,
as we hit the dusty trail ♪
♪ As those caissons
go rolling along... ♪
Oh, honey, honey... Mmm?
You know what time it is?
Time for Emma's exercises.
Yeah.
Oh! Do you realize
what today is?
Yeah. How could I forget?
Alice is coming home.
The prisoners of w*r
are about to be liberated.
Oh, boy.
She sure will be a
sight for sore eyes...
and a sore back and
sore arms and sore legs.
Oh, well, the kids
can hardly wait.
Honey, why don't we give Alice
a coming-home party?
Hey, yeah, why not?
Yeah, why don't we?
I'll order a cake
from the bakery
and I'll have Greg pick it up
on his way home from school.
Yeah. I'm for that.
Well, we better get a move on.
You know how Emma is
about our 0600 calisthenics.
Roger. I don't want
to get thrown in the stockade.
Hi, Mom.
Hi.
Here's the cake.
Oh, that looks delicious.
Deliciously fattening.
Yeah.
Here, let me help you.
It looks great.
Careful now.
Hey! Mind if I look, too?
Oh, well, it's just
a cake, Emma.
Oh, that's a party
cake if I ever saw one.
Well, um, let me explain,
Emma. You see, it's just...
Oh, you don't have
to explain, Mrs. Brady.
I understand.
You do?
Of course I do.
Today's my last day here
and you want to give
me a going-away party.
Right?
Right.
Well, troops, I never really
expected anything like this.
I want you to know
that this is the nicest thing
that's happened to me since...
Well, since I got the
General Haggarty award
for my campaign, "Make
Your Barracks Beautiful."
Oh, Emma, it's really nothing.
Yes, it is something, folks.
The army's a lonely life.
You make a friend, you
get transferred away.
Big evening for
me used to be going
to the P.X. for shoe polish.
I've loved every single
minute I've been here.
And you've all
shaped up just great.
If it was in my power,
I'd give you all good conduct
medals with an oak leaf cluster.
Hi, everybody!
I'm back!
Alice!
Hiya!
Oh, my.
Oh, my!
What a reception!
I'll go out and come in again!
Ah, well!
Having a little
celebration here?
Cousin Alice, my
wonderful platoon has made
a farewell party for old Sarge.
Oh, well, isn't that nice?
See? I told you
the Bradys were
something pretty special.
And I guess you
all have discovered
that Cousin Emma's
something special, too.
Oh, she's something
special all right.
You better believe it.
Well, that's great
because now I won't
have to feel funny
about going away again.
We can just ask Cousin
Emma to come back.
Not again.
Alice, it's 6:00 in the morning.
Yeah, I know.
What are you doing
with that whistle?
Emma left it for me.
She said the whole family
just loved getting up at 6:00
and exercising.
Yeah, and she left
me, as a matter of fact,
all these instructions
and a whole lot of other things.
First, calisthenics at
0600, then mess call,
to be followed immediately
by the white glove test,
for the inspection
of the quarters...
If, and then only if,
everyone passes that test,
there'll be a rest...
Hey, where did everybody go?
Eh?
Hey!