♪ Here's the story ♪
♪ Of a lovely lady ♪
♪ Who was bringing up ♪
♪ Three very lovely girls ♪
♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪
♪ Like their mother ♪
♪ The youngest one in curls ♪
♪ It's the story of a
man named Brady ♪
♪ Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
♪ They were four
men living all together ♪
♪ Yet they were all alone ♪
♪ Till the one day when
the lady met this fellow ♪
♪ And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪
♪ That this group must
somehow form a family ♪
♪ That's the way we all
became the Brady Bunch ♪
♪ The Brady Bunch ♪
♪ The Brady Bunch ♪
♪ That's the way we
became the Brady Bunch. ♪
Hi.
Hi.
What are you doing?
Oh, tightening the
clamp on a water hose.
This is my new
friend Kerry Hathaway.
She just moved to
the neighborhood.
This is my brother Greg.
I'm pleased to meet you.
Likewise.
Come on and meet everybody else.
Hi.
Kerry, I'd like you to meet my
mother and Cindy and Bobby.
Hi. Hi.
Hi, Kerry. Welcome
to the neighborhood.
Thanks, Mrs. Brady.
Would you girls like
something to eat?
KERRY: Well, I'm not
really hungry. Thank you.
JAN: Me either.
We're going to go up to my room
and do some homework, anyways.
CAROL: Good.
It was nice meeting all of you.
( whispers): Wow!
See you later.
Okay, honey.
Bye.
Oh, Peter, this is my new
friend Kerry Hathaway.
This is my brother Peter.
Hi.
Pleased to meet me.
( quavers)
( both start giggling)
Jan, could I talk to you?
Sure, but make it quick.
I've got a lot of homework.
Marcia, could we
have some privacy?
Hey! Sounds pretty confidential.
It is.
Then, I wouldn't
dream of leaving.
Come on, Peter, what is it?
Marcia, please?
Oh, come on, Pete. I
won't blab. I promise.
Well, I guess it's okay.
What it is is... is...
well, it's sort of about
Kerry Hathaway.
Who's Kerry Hathaway?
She's my new classmate.
What about her, Peter?
Well, I was wondering if...
you know, if she'd like to go to
a movie or something... with me?
How should I know?
Why not ask her?
What if she turns me down?
Why would she turn you down?
You're a nice guy.
Yeah, all the girls at
school think you're cute.
They do?
MARCIA: Sure.
You've got a great personality.
You're lots of fun to be with.
That's right.
You're kind and very
considerate of people.
Yeah, that's true, too.
Well, go phone her.
Her number's in
the book downstairs.
Okay, I will.
This is going to be the
most important phone call
I've ever made in
my whole entire life.
( laughing)
( phone rings)
Hello.
Kerry?
This is Kerry.
Hi, this is Pete.
Pete who?
Peter Brady. You
met me this afternoon.
I'm Jan's brother.
Oh, you must be
the cute little one
with the freckles.
No, that's my brother Bobby.
Oh!
Then you're the groovy-looking
guy who was fixing the car.
No, that's my brother Greg.
Then which one are you?
I'm the one who'd
better say good-bye.
Good-bye.
( knocks lightly)
Hi, Dad.
Hey!
How come you're so dressed up?
Trying to get
thrown out of school?
I'm trying to sort of, you know,
impress a certain girl
and I was wondering...
Yeah, wondering what?
Dad, can I borrow
some after-shave lotion?
Did you shave?
Do you have to shave
to use after-shave lotion?
( chuckles)
Come to think of it, no.
I got just the thing
for you back here.
She's really something special
so I thought I'd
better look special
and smell special, too.
Now, listen, Peter.
If you want to impress her
you use just a little of this.
How come just a little?
Well, like it says in
the TV commercial,
if you use a lot,
you'll have to fight off women
with a whip and a chair.
Well, since I just met her,
maybe I should
start slow and build.
Yeah, that's good thinking.
Hey, that smells good.
Insurance.
Kerry.
Small world.
Hi.
Don't you recognize me?
I'm Jan's brother Pete.
Oh, I'm sorry.
You must have been the boy
who called last night.
Yeah.
I've met so many
new kids in school
I can't keep them straight.
That's okay.
( sniffs)
( sniffs)
Oh... oh, yeah.
After-shave lotion.
You like it, huh?
Do you shave?
Oh, yeah, all the time.
My dad and I use the same brand.
Let me carry your books.
That's okay, I
can... ( books thud)
Gee, I'm sorry.
Let me wipe them off.
Don't bother.
I insist.
Here, hold these.
I'll get them real clean.
( screams)
Wow.
Stop it!
Now look what you've done!
Can't I do anything right?
Hi, honey, I'm home!
Hi!
( giggles)
Gosh, hey, that's
some special kiss.
Yeah, I'm glad you liked it.
Yeah, I did... Uh-oh, you've got
something to tell me, don't you?
Yeah, guess where
we're going Friday night.
Um, the new play.
You got tickets?
I've got tickets... Hey, great.
But not to the play.
I have tickets to that
modern art show I mentioned.
Oh, honey, come on!
Not another show
where soup cans
crushed wins first prize.
Oh, Mike, I had
to buy the tickets.
It's for charity.
Couldn't we stay home
and crush our own soup cans?
Oh, Mike, they'll
be expecting us.
( moans)
Hi, Peter. Hi, Pete.
( dejectedly): Hi.
Hey, what's the matter?
Didn't the shaving lotion work?
Oh, it smelled okay,
but I sure stunk it up.
I can't even talk to her!
Now, wait a minute.
Don't get uptight
about it, listen.
Do you know that
when I was your age,
I had exactly the same
problem with a girl.
You did?
Yes, I did... Polly Ledbetter.
Polly Ledbetter!
That was her name.
And every time I got
within ten feet of that girl,
I got a knot in my tongue
I could have won
a merit badge with.
What'd you do about it?
Well, I just figured if I
couldn't say what I wanted to,
I could always
write it, you see?
So I wrote her a letter.
A letter, huh?
Uh-huh, that way you
know you can take your time
and think about what
you're going to say.
That's a great idea!
Thanks, Dad.
Sure.
What are you doing?
Trying to write a letter
or start a paper drive?
It's a tough letter
to write, Alice.
I don't want it to sound corny.
Well, want to try it out on me?
Okay.
"Dear Kerry..."
Yeah?
That's it.
That's where I get stuck.
Oh!
Oh, yeah, well...
that first line is
always the toughest.
I just don't know what to say.
Why don't you try
something poetic like,
"How do I love thee?
Let me count the ways."
Great... give it
to me again, slow.
"How do I love thee?"
( muttering softly)
Jan. Hi.
What did she say?
Who?
Kerry Hathaway.
What did she say?
About what?
About me.
Peter, we've got a
communication gap going.
What are you talking about?
I wrote Kerry a letter
and I slipped it
into her locker.
I want to know what
she said about it.
Oh, was it a gooey love letter?
Yeah, did she mention it?
She mentioned it.
Well, what'd she say?
She said it was
beautifully written.
Yeah?
Super poetic and fantastic.
What else did she say?
That the dumb-dumb who
wrote it forgot to sign his name.
Oh, no!
How could I be so stupid?
You must practice a lot.
It's the perfect plan and
you're the perfect guy.
No way, Pete. No way.
Where'd you get this weird idea?
From this copy of
Cyrano de Bergerac.
Marcia put me on to it.
It's great.
It's about this guy
with a big nose
and he's in love with
this girl named Roxanne.
Peter, I know the story.
He's shy, see.
So he hides in some bushes
and has this other
guy say to her...
I said I know the story.
All I'm asking you to do is
hide in the bushes
like Cyrano did
and you feed me the right words.
When it comes to
smooth talking the girls,
everybody says
you're the greatest.
Yeah? Everybody says that?
Everybody.
They call you "Old
Silver Tongue."
They do?
Why, you're a legend
in your own time.
How about that?
I really need help
from an expert like you.
Well, okay, we'll try it.
If Cyrano could do it,
so can "Old Silver Tongue."
( crickets chirping)
( whispers): That's the one.
( whispers): That's it?
Okay.
Hide back here.
You're sure I look okay?
Peter, you look fine.
My hair?
Does my hair look okay?
After 20 minutes
with Mom's hairdryer
you couldn't look any better.
Good. You're sure you thought up
some real poetic stuff?
My stuff is better
than Cyrano's.
Remember your first line?
Yeah.
Well, here goes.
( pebble taps)
( pebble taps)
( pebble taps)
( quavers)
Hello, lovely one.
Peter? Is that you?
Yeah, could I talk
to you? It's important.
I guess so.
Come around to the front.
No, wait.
I... I want to see you here
where your lovely hair
outshines the moonbeams.
I want to see you here,
where your lovely hair
outshines the moonbeams.
Peter, are you feeling okay?
How could I feel otherwise
when I'm so close
to your beauty?
How could I feel otherwise
when I'm so close to your beauty?
I've never seen you
act like this before.
I'm not acting.
It's true love
from the first time I saw you.
I'm not acting.
It's true love from the
first time I saw you.
Peter, why are you standing
all the way over there?
Why am I standing over here?
Distance lends enchantment.
Distance lends enchantment.
What in the world is
going on out there?
Just take what I have to offer:
The rainbows, the
sunlight, my life, the world!
Take my rainbows and sun life.
That's not what I said.
The sunlight, rain and...
For crying out
loud, will ya listen?
She's gone!
I blew it again.
Peter, what's going on out here?
Uh... hello, lovely one.
Greg, what are you doing here?
Well, he just... I can
explain everything.
Yeah, he can explain.
No, you don't have to explain.
I understand everything now.
Oh, it's just like Cyrano!
Don't be shy, Greg.
You don't have to use
Peter to speak for you.
P-Peter!
Honey, I forgot
to show you this.
Yeah? What is it?
It's the brochure for
the art show Friday night.
I thought you'd like to
see some of the paintings
that are going to be exhibited.
Ha! Sure those are paintings?
It looks more like a tablecloth
after a spaghetti festival.
Boy, do I have a
rat for a brother!
Wait a minute. What's
the matter with you?
Greg just h*jacked my girl.
Huh? What do you mean?
He was supposed to help
me impress Kerry, not himself.
She's flipped over him!
Well, where's Greg?
With Kerry... She was
hanging all over him.
Well, what'd you do about it?
I left.
What should I do? Take pictures?
Thanks for splitting
and leaving me
stuck with your girl.
Oh, you really looked
like you were in pain.
Thanks for stealing Kerry.
I didn't steal her!
Oh, then you just borrowed
her without permission.
Hold it, you two.
Now, wait a minute.
Greg, what happened?
Dad, the whole thing
was a big mistake.
I tried to straighten it out,
but Kerry wouldn't
listen to a word I said.
I bet you did.
Look, pal, I can't help it...
Oh, forget about it.
Good night, Mom, night, Dad.
Good night, Greg. Good night.
MIKE: Peter, wait a
minute, wait a minute.
You know, a guy can't
always get a girl to like him.
Maybe you ought to
forget about this girl for now.
Honey, there are a lot
of other fish in the sea.
I know... but I got
Moby d*ck for a brother.
Good night, Mom,
good night, Dad.
And I'd say we needed
two pounds of rice.
Two pounds of
rice. Is that it, Alice?
Except for some cake mix.
I thought I'd make
Peter a nice, gooey cake
to help glue back together
his poor broken heart.
Alice, you're the "Dear
Abby" of the kitchen.
Hi, Mom, hi, Alice.
Hi, sweetheart.
How was school today?
It was better in the afternoon
than it was in the morning.
Oh? Why is that?
I get out in the afternoon.
Has anybody seen
my blue sweater?
Not since I washed it.
Oh, I know where it is.
Where?
Jan lent it to Kerry Hathaway.
Kerry? What for?
For measurements.
Kerry's knitting you a new one.
It's supposed to be a surprise.
Not anymore.
ALICE: Say, I almost forgot.
Kerry dropped by
and left this for you.
Homemade fudge.
Oh, this is really
getting to bug me.
I got to do something
about that girl.
If you don't like her anymore,
can I have the fudge?
Neat, huh?
You're lucky you're
young, Bobby.
I think it just
needs new brushes.
Stay away from women, kid.
They'll break your
heart every time.
What are you talking about?
You're too young to understand.
GREG: Peter... Pete...
Pete, I got a
great idea for you.
If it's about joining
the Foreign Legion
I've already thought about it.
How would you like
to get Kerry back?
Now, listen...
I don't trust you.
You stole my girl.
I didn't steal your girl!
You did!
If you guys are
starting that again,
I'm getting out of here.
Pete, listen, listen...
you got to trust me, please.
Well... okay.
But not around Kerry.
I won't go near her.
Jan will.
Jan?
Jan's going to tell Kerry
that nobody trusts me...
That I'm a no-good,
double-crossing, two-timing rat.
Oh. You mean she's
going to tell her the truth.
Yeah!
No... what I mean is
after Kerry's convinced
that I'm a rat fink,
Jan'll tell her what
a great guy you are.
She will? Sure.
And Kerry will turn off
of me and turn on to you.
Hey, yeah, that's a great idea.
You're a pretty nice brother
for a no-good,
double-crossing, two-timing rat.
Hi, Jan.
Hi, Greg.
Well, when does Pete take over?
How does "never" sound?
Never? What went wrong?
( dramatically): Kerry's
going to save you
from your horrible self.
She's going to change you.
Terrific. Did you
tell her everything?
Everything.
I don't understand it...
unless she didn't believe me.
Hey, wait... Maybe
that's the trouble.
Maybe she didn't believe you.
Maybe she has to be
shown that I'm a rat fink.
But how you going to show her?
That's a good question.
I think I've got a good answer.
Mom and Dad are going to
the art show tonight, right?
So?
Could you get Peter
out of the house?
I guess so. What
are you going to do?
I'll explain later.
Now for the other woman.
What other woman?
Has Kerry ever met Marcia?
No. What other woman?
Great. I'll invite
Kerry over tonight.
What other woman?!
When you put on this
wig and some dark glasses
Kerry will never
know who you are.
I'm not sure Kerry ever saw me.
We can't take any chances;
it's too important to Peter.
Right. Okay. Exit Marcia Brady.
Enter the other woman.
( puts on romantic music)
( doorbell rings)
Hi, doll.
Hi.
Thanks for inviting me over.
Well, I believe in
spreading myself around.
Super outfit.
Oh, these are my
working threads.
Know what I mean?
Where's everybody else?
Out.
We're all alone, kid.
Groovy?
Sit down.
Now, I'd like to get
a few things straight.
The way I see it,
you're crazy about me
and you want to
go steady, right?
Well...
Well, I got a couple
rules you got to dig.
Rules?
Rule one: you go
out only with me.
Oh, I like that.
Rule two: I go out
with whoever I want.
That doesn't sound fair.
What do you want, fair or me?
Well...
Now, let me tell
you about rule three.
C-could we go back to rule two?
( doorbell rings)
Don't move.
I'll be right back.
Debbie, not you again!
MARCIA: Greg, I
have to talk to you.
( gasps)
I might have known
I'd find another woman here.
Well, you caught
me at a bad time.
I usually have three or four.
Greg, you've got
to take me back.
Give me one more chance.
I'll do anything you say.
No way.
Debbie, you bore me.
I'll change. I promise.
Greg, maybe I should go.
Nah.
Stick around, kid.
Watch me throw her out.
Come on, loser.
Greg, if you drop me, I
don't know what I'll do.
I said out!
MIKE: If that's art,
I'm Michelangelo.
CAROL: Oh, honey,
stop complaining.
What is it, Alice?
Well, I'm not sure,
but I think they're rehearsing
a teenage soap opera.
Greg!
How can you treat her like this?
Out with the old
and in with the new.
But this girl loves you!
MARCIA: Oh,
yes... I do, I do, I do.
Listen, if you don't like
it, you can leave, too.
Greg Brady, you're
even worse than Jan said.
I never want to see you again.
You were right, Alice,
it is a soap opera.
Come on, Debbie.
What's going on?
Uh... Peter...
Peter, you're supposed
to be at the library.
I was.
Marcia, what are
you doing in that wig?
I'm not Marcia!
I'm... She's Debbie.
She's Debbie... I'm Debbie.
Something funny's going on.
You mean something phony.
That's my sister in a wig.
Your sister?!
What's this all about?
( sighs)
We were trying to convince Kerry
that I was a rat fink.
That's really dirty,
playing a trick like
this on her when she
really cares about you.
We're sorry, Kerry.
If a girl as wonderful
as Kerry was my girl
you know how I'd treat her?
I'd... You'd what, Peter?
I'd treat her like a queen.
Peter, could I ask a favor?
( nervously): Mmm... anything.
Would you walk me home?
Wow! Would I.
For a minute there,
I thought we blew it.
GREG: Mom, Dad.
I guess we should explain.
Well, I think we understand.
Good night, kids.
Good night.
Good night, Greg.
Good night, Debbie.
I really didn't have
any dessert last night,
so I think I'd better have two.
Two donuts?
They give you lots
of energy, Mom.
They give you lots
of energy, Mom.
And with lots of energy,
you do more homework.
And with lots of energy,
you can do more homework.
When you do more homework,
you can get better grades in school.
And when you do more homework,
you can get better
grades in school.
Well, that's a pretty
convincing argument.
Okay, here are two donuts.
One for you and
one for your Cyrano.
Well, we figured
maybe if it worked for girls,
it'd work for donuts, too.
Want a bite?