04x07 - The Show Must Go On??

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Brady Bunch". Aired: September 1969 to March 1974.*
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A woman with three daughters marries a widower with three sons.
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04x07 - The Show Must Go On??

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Here's the story ♪

♪ Of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up ♪

♪ Three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪

♪ Like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls ♪

♪ It's the story of a
man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four
men living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪

♪ Till the one day when
the lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group must
somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all
became the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we
became the Brady Bunch. ♪

Greg, are you sure Mom's
going to take it that way?

How should I know?

I can't put myself in her place.

The problem is, how
do we break it to her?

Oh, what do you mean "we"?

I didn't have
anything to do with it.

Thanks a lot.

You're a real friend.

I'll give you a piece
of advice. What?

Put your sneakers
on before you tell her.

My sneakers?

Yeah. When she hears
what you have to say,

you may have
to run for your life.

( sighing)

Well, Alice, you know,

this yellow shelf paper's

really going to look nice.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Alice.

Hi.

Mom, you know what?

What?

Well... Go on.

Tell her.

Tell me what?

Well, two weeks
from Friday night

is our high school's
annual Family Night Frolics.

Yeah, I know. I heard
about it at the PTA meeting.

And all the
entertainment that night

is by the students
and their parents.

Yeah. Cute idea, isn't it?

Well, it's for a great cause,

isn't it, Greg?

Yeah. Yeah. It's to raise money
for special school equipment.

I know. We're
going to buy tickets.

Yeah. I'll take a
stack down to Sam

to sell at the butcher shop.

Go on, tell her.

Well, it's going to be
a fantastic evening,

and there's going to
be a really super act.

One of the mothers
and a daughter

are going to sing a duet.

Oh. Sounds great. Anyone I know?

Yeah! You and me.

No way. Absolutely not!

But, Mom, you've
always loved to sing.

Yes, I do love to sing,

but not in front of
a bunch of mothers.

Mom, you know most of them.

Yeah, that's the trouble.

I'd rather sing at the
zoo in the lions' cage.

Mom, please!

I promised the
entertainment committee

that you'd do it with me.

Ah! You can keep
half your promise.

You can sing.

But it's Family Night!

Dad, would you talk to her?

Honey, it's up to her.

If your mother wants to
chicken out, it's her chicken.

What do you mean, my chicken?

Well, honey, if the kids
are willing to do their part,

I think the least the
parents can do is theirs.

I'm willing to do my part.

I'll sweep the stage, I'll
usher, I'll take tickets...

Anything where I can
keep my mouth shut.

That's the trouble
with all the parents.

Hardly any of them
will get up and perform.

We aren't going to have
enough for our show.

You sang in church at Christmas.

Yes, but people didn't
have to pay to get in.

Come to think of it, we
didn't get much money

in the collection
basket that night, either.

Come on, honey, do it.

Oh, Mom, if Marcia's willing

to go out on a
limb with her voice,

what have you got to lose?

You make me feel like a traitor.

Not at all, Benedict.

Okay, I'll do it.

Oh, thanks, Mom!
That's great. Thanks.

Hey! Mom'll do it!

Oh, that's great!

Listen, we've got
to sell lots of tickets.

Don't worry. We'll sell them.

I'll even buy some.

How much are they?

Two dollars.

I'd better stick
to selling them.

How many tickets you got left?

Only 15.

How many did you start with?

Sixteen.

Boy, some salesman.

Can I help you boys?

Yes, ma'am. We're
selling these tickets

for the Family Night Frolics
at Westdale High School.

It's for buying
stuff for the school

so it'll even be better

when a little kid
like me gets there.

No, I'm sorry.

Hi, Peter.

Hi, Muriel.

I didn't know this
was your house.

Oh, you two know each other?

We're in the same homeroom,

aren't we, Peter? WOMAN: Oh...

Well, I've got some work to do.

What are you doing here?

Trying to sell these tickets

for Westdale's
Family Night Frolics.

But your mom's not interested.

Well, so long.

Peter, are you
going to the movies

next Saturday afternoon?

Why?

Maybe we could go together.

You and me?

Yes. If you could go, and
if we could go together,

I'm sure my mom would
buy some tickets from you.

I-I'll think about it.

Can you see me taking her?

Boy, I'd say you
blew a cinch sale.

So what?

Don't you believe
in higher education?

Yeah... but who wants
to get stuck with Muriel?

It's better than getting
stuck with all those tickets.

Uh, listen,
Muriel... I'd love to.

I haven't asked you yet.

That's okay. Mom, Mom!

Good deal.

Believe me, it's no bargain.

I'm going to take
some of these tickets

down to Sam, Mrs. Brady. Okay?

Sure, Alice.

( Alice humming happily)

You know something? Hmm?

I don't think these
songs are going to work.

What songs are those?

Well, since I'm
going to be singing

for high school kids,

I thought I'd sing one
of their current hits.

But these lyrics...

Some of their expressions...

Honestly, I think they're trying

to start a new language.

I wouldn't worry
about it, Mrs. Brady.

With the songs the
way they are nowadays,

you can't hear the words
well enough to understand

that what you would've heard

is something you wouldn't
have understood anyway.

And two and three. Okay?

Hmm. Honey, no problem.

I won't have any trouble at all

getting rid of these
tickets for you.

I knew I could
count on you, Sam.

Ha-ha!

Listen, if my customers
won't buy one,

I'll put my thumb on the scale.

What time do you want
to pick me up, Sam?

The show starts at 8:00.

Oh, well, look, I said
I'd take the tickets.

I didn't say I'd take you.

( chuckling)

Well, uh... let's not
stand on ceremony.

You can ask me
now if you'd rather.

Well, I can't.

What do you mean, you can't?

My team has bowling
practice that night.

Bowling practice?!

Yeah, well, it's the
last chance we get

to practice before we bowl
against the bakery boys,

and us meat cutters
are going to grind 'em up!

( laughing)

You got to be kidding.

What do you mean, kidding?

I just had my bowling
jacket cleaned and pressed.

You mean you're-you're
really not going to take me

to the Family Frolic Night?

I-I got my team to think about.

Well, if you want
something to think about,

you might try thinking

about kissing your
bowling ball good night.

Look, Alice, you're
being unreasonable.

Unreasonable? When
you'd rather go out

with a bowling
ball than with me?

Aw, come on, now, honey.

Where is that
understanding little girl

that I know and love?

I'll tell you where she is.

She is walking right
out of this butcher shop,

and she is never going to
darken your doorstep again!

Women!

Men.

They're nothing but
mean, self-centered...

insects.

Boy, you sure do
sound mad at Sam.

Girls, when you grow up,

don't ever go out with
a butcher that bowls.

Look, Alice, Sam'll
probably call up

any minute to patch things up.

It's too late.

Do you know what I would
say to him now if he called?

What?

I'd tell him that if he thinks

he can make it up with me,

he's got more holes in his head

than his bowling ball.

Don't you want to
make up with him?

Well, sure, I do, but I
can't let him know that.

The trouble is, I just let Sam
take me too much for granted.

You should have
kept him guessing.

Right. It's when they
think you don't need 'em

they come crawling to
you, and that's when you...

whap 'em.

Honey, I'm home.

Where are you?

CAROL: We're in here, dear.

( scatting)

Should we do that right there?

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Hey, Mike, we found
a song for our duet.

It's from the musical Gypsy.

Hey, good, because I sold
ten tickets at the office today.

You didn't have any
trouble selling them?

No. No trouble at all.

Not to my secretary,
not to my assistant,

not to a whole
lot of other people

who still want to work for me.

Hi, everybody.

Hi, Greg. Hi.

Got some news. Oh, good. What?

You know Mrs. Tuttle? Yeah.

Well, she said she needed

a lot more acts for the show,

so I told her I'd play
a little guitar. Hey!

You mean you're going
to be in the show, too?

Yeah... sort of.

What do you mean, sort of?

W-well, she said that
since you and Marcia

were doing a duet,

maybe I could do an
act with somebody, too.

I hope he hasn't done
anything I'm going to regret.

You mean you and
Dad in the show?

I think that's super.

Wait a minute.

I can't be in the show.

( laughing)

You didn't say that when
I needed you, buster.

You said, "Oh, every
parent should do their part."

Right, Mom.

I don't sing. I
mean, I can't dance.

I can't play a
musical instrument.

I don't even juggle oranges.

I already told Mrs. Tuttle
you didn't have any talent.

Thank you.

Um... what I mean is...

Anyway, she said that you
could do a dramatic reading,

and I could accompany
you on the guitar.

Now, that sounds
wonderful to me.

Terrific.

Well... maybe I could
manage a reading.

Yeah, but I wouldn't know what
to select or choose or anything.

She said to recite this.

What does Mrs. Tuttle
teach, mind reading?

Hey, let's go tell everybody

that Dad's going
to be in the show.

Yeah.

Oh, cheer up, honey.

Besides raising money
for a good cause,

there's another
advantage in all this.

What's that?

Well, once we learn our acts,

we can just keep doing
them over and over again.

Oh, yeah? How
do you figure that?

Well, we've got four more kids

headed for Westdale High.

More readings for you, my dear.

Greg, have you read this
poem that Mrs. Tuttle sent

for me to recite in the
Family Frolic Night?

No.

Well, uh, I've tried it a
couple of different ways,

but I think we got
a problem here.

What do you mean?

Well, let me try it for you,

and you guys see what you think.

Come on, Peter.

Okay.

Go ahead.

"The day is done,
and the darkness

"Falls from the wings of night

"As a feather is wafted downward

"From an eagle in his flight.

"I see the lights of the village

"Gleam through
the rain, the mist,

"And a feeling

"Of sadness comes
o'er me..." No.

"A feeling of sadness
comes o'er me

"That my soul cannot resist.

A feeling of sadness..."

( exaggerated snoring)

Well, I see you get the point.

I'm afraid I'm going to put
everybody in the audience

to sleep with this thing.

It's dullsvile, all right.

Can't you do something else?

No.

Mrs. Tuttle made a
special point of saying

she'd like you to do that poem.

I guess she
thinks it's beautiful.

Well, it is a beautiful poem,

but... as a piece
of entertainment, I...

Say...

maybe there is a way
we can do this after all.

How, Dad?

When I was in college, I
had to do a poem called...

Get this... "Oh,
Bowser, Brave Bowser."

( laughing)

We thought it was
pretty square, too,

so what we did was...

( continues inaudibly)

Still worried about
Mr. Tuttle's poem, honey?

Worried about
Mrs. Tuttle's poem?

( chuckles playfully)

I thought you said it was
going to be a disaster.

Uh-uh. What are you doing to it?

Well, now, you just got to
wait and see. Oh, come on.

Hi there, folks.

I thought you might like

some nice, hot,
fresh-perked coffee, okay?


Oh, thanks, Alice.
Good idea, Alice.

Oh, it's all right.
Don't mention it.

My pleasure. No trouble at all.

Mrs. Brady,

you sure are lucky that
Mr. Brady isn't a butcher.

Oh, having trouble
with Sam, huh?

Not anymore.

Who needs him after all?

I mean, there are a lot
of other fish in the sea...

if you like going
around with fish.

Sam's really got you
upset, huh, Alice?

Me? Upset? Nah.

Just 'cause an ornery old
butcher would rather play

with his bowling
ball than take me out

to the Family Night Frolic?

Alice, um... Hmm? What?

( whistles)

Oh, uh... I'm sorry. I...

I guess I forgot
to put the coffee

in the percolator.

Thank you very much.

Come again.

Uh... now, now, let's see.

That was, uh, one pound of
Sam's classy cold cuts, right?

Okay, fine.

Well, ladies, tell me, uh...

how is everything going at home?

Oh, everything's
just fine at home.

Oh, good, good, good.

And, uh... Alice?

Oh, Alice is especially fine.

She's just great.

Oh, well, that's good, good.

I, uh, expect she's probably
been asking about me, right?

Nope.

Nope?!

Well, I guess she's
been too busy.

What's she so busy about?

Well, we really
shouldn't tell you.

Tell me what?

About the man.

What man?

Well, there's this guy

that Alice has been going with.

Going with?

Practically every night.

Well, who is he?

We don't know.
We've never seen him.

They're probably meeting
at some secret rendezvous.

What secret rendezvous?

If we knew, it
wouldn't be a secret.

Whenever Alice comes home,

she's always laughing
and giggling and humming.

Laughing and giggling
and humming, huh?

Well, that does it, hmm?

She doesn't even have
the common decency

to wait until our
love grows cold

before she's out gallivanting

with some night-crawling
rendezvouser.

Are you closing up?

You bet I am.

Nobody gets any
more meat in here

until I settle Alice's hash.

( door slams)

Alice... Sam!

All right, Alice, who is it?

Who's who?

I know. It's that guy at
the vegetable stand, right?

Vegetable stand. Malcolm?!

Yeah. It figures.

I see the way he looks at you
when you thump his honeydews.

Sam, I don't know what
you're talking about.

Ah! A-ha! Then it's
Ralph at the fish market.

Ralph?! Don't deny it, Alice.

You've got to be
out of your head.

Don't argue with me,
Alice. My mind is made up.

You're coming with me
to the Family Night Frolics,

and that's final.

Isn't that the night you've
got bowling practice?

Don't tell me when to practice.

I'm picking you
up at 7:30 sharp.

Any questions?

No, Sam. No questions.

Okay.

I don't know what
you did, but thank you.

( applause from auditorium)

( playing off-key)

( applause)

Wasn't that a delight?

And now we have still
another delight to, uh...

delight you.

Mrs. Carol Brady and her
delightful daughter Marcia.

( pastoral music intro)

( up-tempo
Broadway intro begins)

( mouthing)

♪ Wherever we go ♪

♪ Whatever we do ♪

♪ We're gonna go
through it together ♪

♪ We may not go far,
but sure as a star ♪

♪ Wherever we
are, it's together ♪

♪ Wherever I go,
I know she goes ♪

♪ Wherever I go,
I know she goes ♪

♪ No fits, no fights,
no feuds and no egos ♪

♪ Amigos together ♪

♪ Through thick
and through thin ♪

♪ All out or all in ♪

♪ And whether it's
win, place or show ♪

♪ Oh, you for me
and me for you ♪

♪ We'll muddle through
whatever we do ♪

♪ Together, wherever we go ♪

♪ Through thick
and through thin ♪

♪ All out or all in ♪

♪ And whether it's
win, place or show ♪

♪ With you for me
and me for you ♪

♪ We'll muddle through ♪
whatever we do ♪

♪ Together, together, together ♪

♪ Well, you for me
and me for you ♪

♪ We'll muddle through ♪

♪ Whatever we do
together, together, together ♪

♪ Well, you for me
and me for you ♪

♪ We'll muddle through
whatever we do ♪

♪ Together wherever we go. ♪

( applause)

Wasn't that a delight, too?

But talent is not restricted

to the ladies in
the Brady family.

No, indeed.

Here are Mr. Mike
Brady and his son Greg

in a delightful
presentation of their own.

"The Day is Done"

by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

"The day is done
and darkness falls...

( strums)

"From the wings of night

"As a feather is
wafted downward...

( audience laughing)

"As a feather is wafted downward

"From an eagle in his flight.

"I see the lights
of the village gleam

"Through the rain and mist...

( rain-like strumming)

"And a feeling of
sadness comes o'er me

"That my soul can't resist.

"A feeling of
sadness and longing

"That is not akin to pain

"And resembles sorrow only
as the mist resembles rain.

"Not from the grand old masters,

"Not from the bards sublime

"Whose distant footsteps echo

"Through the corridors of time.

( Greg imitating footsteps)

"Fro, like strains
of martial music..."

( John Philip Sousa
march playing)

Carol? Honey?

Oh, hi, sweetheart.

I was just fixing you
something cold to drink.

Well... any repercussions

on the Family Night Frolics?

I tell you, that telephone
hasn't stopped ringing all day.

Threatening phone calls, huh?

No. They were
very complimentary.

Well, naturally. You
and Marcia were great.

There were just as many
calls for you and Greg.

I tell you, you guys
were a smash hit.

I told you so. You know, uh,

it was really "a very big shew."

Excuse me, folks.

Dinner will be ready
in about 20 minutes.

Turkey with all the trimmings.

We are celebrating Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving?

Alice, I think your
calendar's a little mixed up.

It's Thanksgiving to me,

'cause Sam's
back, and I got him.

Well, since we're
celebrating holidays,

Happy Easter.

Merry Christmas.
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