♪ Here's the story ♪
♪ Of a lovely lady ♪
♪ Who was bringing up ♪
♪ Three very lovely girls ♪
♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪
♪ Like their mother ♪
♪ The youngest one in curls ♪
♪ It's the story of a
man named Brady ♪
♪ Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
♪ They were four
men living all together ♪
♪ Yet they were all alone ♪
♪ Till the one day when
the lady met this fellow ♪
♪ And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪
♪ That this group must
somehow form a family ♪
♪ That's the way we all
became the Brady Bunch ♪
♪ The Brady Bunch ♪
♪ The Brady Bunch ♪
♪ That's the way we
became the Brady Bunch. ♪
Okay!
GREG: Go! Go! Go!
Go!
Touchdown!
Wait a minute, you guys.
This is a kitchen,
not a coliseum.
We're just getting in
a little practice, Alice.
Wait a second.
Is this yours?
No. It's Bobby's.
Tell him it won't be
if he doesn't keep
it out of the kitchen.
Take it up to him. Okay, sure.
Greg. Yeah?
You take it up to him.
Alice asked you to do it.
You do it, you're older.
( glass breaks)
Oh, no.
Something broke.
I think we'd better
go take a look.
Oh, no.
The antique lamp.
Mom's going to k*ll us.
Personally, I don't think
you're going to
get off that easy.
GREG: Let's get
this on the table.
PETER: Okay.
I hope we're able to fix it
before Mom gets home.
I got some model airplane glue.
It dries real fast.
Good deal.
Alice, not a word about
this to anyone, huh?
Fellas, I'm no squealer.
It's real important.
My mouth is shut.
Thanks.
I better shut my eyes, too.
What for?
'Cause if that lamp
doesn't pass inspection,
I don't want to see
what your mom's
going to do to you.
That does it.
What do you think?
Great. Nobody will
know it was broken.
Good. ( doorknob rattles)
( knocking on door)
Who is it?
BOBBY: It's me.
Who do you think it is?
Do you think we can trust Bobby?
No way. He wouldn't squeal.
He's too young, though,
he might let it slip.
Let's get this in the closet.
( knocking)
BOBBY: Hey,
what's with you guys?
Let me in.
Be there in a minute, Bobby.
( knocking)
Pretend like you're studying.
What did you have
the door locked for?
We were studying.
Since when are you guys
so crazy about homework?
We just didn't want to
be disturbed, that's all.
Oh. Well, I just wanted
to get my football.
Uh, Bobby, I'll get it.
Why?
Why not?
I'm your brother.
If you want the
football, I'll get it for you.
Go get 'em, tiger!
Sock it to 'em!
But I need my helmet, too.
No. Uh...
How would you like
to use my helmet?
Yours? You never lend me yours.
I will now.
For good luck in the game.
You can adjust the strap.
Have a great game, kid.
Okay.
( door opens, shuts)
Hi, Alice.
Hi, Mrs. Brady.
Oh, boy, were the
stores crowded today.
Anything new happen around here?
Nope.
Wow. That was a
pretty fast "nope."
Yep.
Okay.
Mmm.
Oh, no!
Oh! Alice!
Alice!
Yes, Mrs. Brady?
Alice, did you
clean in here today?
Nope.
You're sure? Yep.
You're beginning to sound
like Gary Cooper again. Look.
ALICE: Oh, my.
How in the world do you
suppose that happened?
That is what I'm
trying to find out.
Now, Alice, who
was in here today?
Who?
Uh, well, it could
be almost anybody.
Hard to say.
Look, Alice, this is
very important. Please.
Now, you've always told me
the truth before, haven't you?
Oh, yes, ma'am. I've
always told you the truth.
The truth is something
that I have always told you.
I've always told you the truth.
Now, look, Alice,
I want to know exactly
how this happened,
what happened,
who did it and why.
Is that a direct question?
Yep. That's a direct question.
( sighs)
Alice is some friend.
Yeah. She said she'd
keep her mouth shut.
She sure opened it in a hurry.
Maybe it wasn't Alice's fault.
Nobody else knew
we broke the lamp.
Good ol' Alice.
She cost me a week's allowance.
Yeah. What about me?
My allowance is bigger.
( knocking)
Hey, guys,
I-I just wanted to
tell you I'm sorry.
I didn't want to say anything.
Sure.
There was no way out of it.
I couldn't lie to your mother.
Couldn't you have said nothing?
I tried. Honest, I did.
I really tried.
( record needle scratching)
Alice, was anybody playing
the record player last night?
Yeah. Marcia.
She must've played that new
album of hers about 20 times.
Wouldn't you call
that squealing?
All Alice had to do was to
turn off the record player.
Well, maybe she didn't
know the record player was on.
That's right. Maybe she didn't.
Alice knows everything
that goes on around here.
Now I can't use the
stereo for a whole week.
I never thought Alice
would turn into a squealer.
Hey, girls, I finally
got it worked out
so we're going to have
the pillowcases
match the sheets.
Grand.
Ever since I washed the
yellow cases with the blue sheets
I've never been
able to get caught up.
Jan, aren't you supposed
to be wearing your glasses
while you're reading?
Oh, it's too much trouble.
Your folks said when you
read, you wear them, remember?
You better put them on
or she'll squeal on you, too.
Squeal? Oh, you
mean Peter and Greg.
I mean me.
You told Mom that I left
the record player on all night.
I told what?! You know what.
Now I can't use the
stereo for a whole week.
Oh, honey, I had no
idea when she asked me
who'd been using it and
why she wanted to know.
Sure you didn't.
No, honest.
She just asked me a
question and I answered it.
I'm sorry, honey.
No matter what I say nowadays
it turns out to be something
I shouldn't have said.
( humming quietly)
We're ready to go, Alice.
The new people on the
corner invited us over to swim.
Good! Find out if they've
got a housekeeper.
Maybe she'll invite me over.
Bobby, are you
wearing your new trunks
or those old ones
with all the holes... Aah!
You're not wearing
you bathing suit,
you're wearing
your birthday suit.
They swim without
clothes on over there.
We can't wear any if
they don't wear any.
Who moved in down
there, Adam and Eve?
No, they're the Bellfields.
Their father's a doctor.
Well, he couldn't
have much of a practice
if they can't afford
bathing suits.
Now, upstairs and suit up.
Dr. Bellfield says the
sun has lots of vitamins.
Well, so does orange juice,
but you don't go swimming in it.
Go on... upstairs.
Why can't we go like this?
You are not gonna swim
in an X-rated swimming pool
without your
parents' permission.
But Alice...!
No buts. Out, out, out, out.
( groaning)
Whew.
( whistles)
Hi, kids. How'd it go today?
Okay.
You both had tests, didn't you?
Yeah.
Hi. Hi.
Hey, I got some
beautiful peaches today.
You want some?
No, thank you.
( hammering)
Can you fix it?
Sure. It'll be easy.
( grunting)
Gee, it's harder than I thought.
Maybe Alice can fix it.
We don't want Alice
doing us any favors.
Yeah, you're right.
Greg and Peter said we
can't trust her anymore.
Marcia and Jan
said the same thing.
I guess Alice isn't
our friend anymore.
Yep.
Remember how we
all used to like her?
Well, I just don't
understand it, Kay.
I don't know how it happened
between the kids and me.
Don't start crying again, Alice.
The coffee's weak
enough already.
I feel so awful.
Look, Alice, it's not
the end of the world.
Oh, we used to have
such fun together.
My last birthday,
the boys made up this
big card, like a diploma...
They made me an
honorary brother.
And the girls made
my birthday cake.
It was just terrible.
I mean, it was full
of dry lumps of flour
and the... the whipped
cream was sour
and the icing was
runny and I... just loved it.
( sobbing): I had three pieces!
Oh...
Can't you talk to Mr. and
Mrs. Brady about this?
Well... ( sniffles)
that'd just make it
worse for the kids.
Th-They'd resent me even more.
Besides, I can't make them
order the kids to like me.
Alice, you've made the worst
mistake a housekeeper can make:
Getting too emotionally
involved with the family.
And I speak from experience.
When I'm working,
I just do my work.
Getting too attached
can break your heart.
Well, that's why I've
gotta leave right away.
The sooner, the better.
You gotta help me, Kay.
I mean, as long as you're
not working right now,
you could fill in for me
until the Bradys find a
regular housekeeper.
What excuse are you going
to give them for leaving?
( voice breaking):
Well, I don't know.
I'll think of something.
Alice, are you sure
this is what you want?
No, it isn't what I
want, but it's what's best
and the sooner I
leave, the better.
( sobbing)
Leave us?!
Alice, I... I don't
know what to say.
Well, my uncle Winston
called me last night
and I... I wanted to
tell you then and there
but I just couldn't.
Yeah, I could tell you were
upset about something.
You see, my uncle Winston
has this very nice dress shop.
But, two days ago,
the woman that runs it
for him just up and eloped.
I'd be taking over for her.
Oh.
Yeah, that really sounds
like a very good job, Alice.
I could earn quite
a bit of money
and, eventually,
I'd be a partner.
It's really a
terrific opportunity.
Well, you know we'd
never stand in your way.
Of course, it's
not just the money.
I mean, it's family.
My uncle Winston, you know.
Oh, Alice, of course, I know.
You're like a
member of our family.
We all love you very much.
I love all of you, too.
I promised I'd leave right away.
Well, Alice, what am I
going to tell the children?
They'll be heartbroken.
Couldn't you just stay till
they come home from school
and say good-bye?
I'll write 'em a letter.
Give 'em a call.
I really better get packed
if I'm not going
to miss that plane.
Alice?
Could I give you a hand?
Well, you should've seen
the look on Lester's face
when he found his sneakers
filled with the shaving cream.
Hi. Hi.
You're not Alice.
No, I'm not. I'm Kay.
Hi. Hello.
Hi. Where's Alice?
Gone.
And you are...?
Marcia.
What do you mean, gone?
Left. Packed up. Went.
And you are...?
Greg.
Where?
Back home.
For good?
Seems so.
Alice took off just like that?
I can't believe it.
You can believe it.
Thanks.
Gee, I never thought
Alice would leave.
We were just
kind of ignoring her
for squealing on us.
She didn't even say good-bye.
She could've at
least left a note.
I guess she just
doesn't like us anymore.
Well, if that's the
way she feels about it
it's okay with me.
Maybe she's doing us
a big favor by leaving.
You said it.
Yeah.
Let's look on the bright side.
At least we won't have to worry
about being snitched on anymore.
Right. No more
of Alice's reports
to Mom and Dad.
I bet Kay's not a
snitcher like Alice.
Maybe we'll like
her even better.
We probably will.
Sure.
Hey, Kay!
I bet you can't
work this puzzle.
Sorry, I don't have
time for puzzles.
Alice used to bet with
us all the time, remember?
She could never work the puzzle.
Sure, she could.
She could not.
She could, too.
She just wanted to
make you feel good.
( laughs)
Kitty-corner... come on.
Hi, Kay.
Hey, Kay, how about
you and Peter against me
on two-on-one?
Sorry. A housekeeper
doesn't play basketball.
She keeps house.
But Alice used to play with us.
Yeah, in fact, it
used to cr*ck me up,
the way she sh*t the ball.
( laughs): Yeah...
Watch this, Kay. It's funny.
She spread her
legs real wide, right?
She'd line it up.
( boys laughing)
That was Alice.
I'm Kay.
I got this one from Loretta.
It's really cute.
Really?
( pop music playing)
Hey, wow! That's really neat!
Listen to that, Kay.
Isn't it great for dancing?
Alice used to make
up the craziest steps.
Oh, yeah! Remember the one
that she called the mugwump?
Oh, that's so good.
Oh, she'd go like this.
MARCIA: So funny!
JAN: And then
she'd do like this!
MARCIA: Yeah, like that!
Looks pretty silly to me.
Mrs. Brady.
Oh, thanks, Kay.
If you don't need
me for anything,
I'd like to get on home.
Oh, all right; unless you'd like
to stay and watch a
little television with me.
Alice used to do that
every once in a while.
No, thank you, Mrs. Brady.
I always ended up
watching her programs.
I have my own TV set at home.
So, if you'll just excuse
me, I'll go get my things.
Oh... all right.
Good night, Kay.
Good night.
Hi, kids.
Would you like to
watch some TV with me?
Uh, no, Mom.
We'd, uh... kind of
like to talk to you.
Sure. What's up?
Well, we wanted to
talk to you about Alice.
Alice?
What about her?
Well, we think we
know why she left
and took the other job.
It was our fault.
All of us kids weren't
being very nice to her.
We were sort of giving her
the cold shoulder treatment.
Cold shoulder?!
Well... we figured that she
wasn't our friend anymore.
Why on earth would
you think a thing like that?
Because she was squealing on us.
Squealing on you?!
Like with Pete and
me breaking the lamp.
And me leaving
the record player on.
For your information, young man,
Alice didn't squeal on you.
I asked her to tell
me what happened
and I told her I wanted
to know the truth.
And, as for you, she
had absolutely no idea
why I asked her
about the record player.
Absolutely none.
She said that.
And I didn't believe her.
Oh... Well, we never
wanted her to leave.
Can you blame her?
We're sorry, Mom.
We all want her back.
I'm afraid "sorry" won't help.
Sometimes, when
you push people too far
you just can't bring
them back again.
Come on, Marcia.
Hi. Hi.
I guess you heard.
Yes, I heard.
We didn't mean we
don't like you, Kay.
I understand.
We sure spread sunshine around.
Hi.
Say, kids, the
strangest coincidence
happened to me last night.
I was visiting a friend
and we had coffee
in this restaurant
and guess who I bumped into?
Who?
Alice.
Alice? Here in town?
Where?
Tell us, please.
The Golden Spoon
at Fourth and Oak.
Well, are you sure it was her?
Positive.
There's only one Alice.
You can say that again.
Oh, thanks, Kay.
Okay, now, that's
two toast and coffee
and one bacon, lettuce,
tomato with coffee.
Right. That'll be
right up, folks.
Six, please.
Six? Right this way.
There we are.
Enjoy your food.
MARCIA: Thank you.
GREG: There she is.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi. Hi, Alice.
I just got back to town.
That other job I
had didn't work out.
This is a good job, though.
Good tips.
GREG: Good. Alice.
Hmm?
Oh, yeah. Be with
you in a moment, folks.
It's really an interesting job.
I meet a lot of
interesting people.
GREG: I'm sure you do.
MARCIA: That's really good.
Well, what are you doing
around here, anyway?
Well... Well...
We're, we're just passing by.
Passing by?
Sure. On our way
home from school.
Oh, that's interesting.
You all go to different schools.
Miss, I'm in a hurry.
Oh, yeah, I'll be
right there, right there.
How are the folks?
They're great. They're fine.
Fine. Okay.
Alice, the customers
are waiting.
I'm taking an order, Mr. Foster.
Well, take it.
Get a move on.
GREG: Ah, well, I guess
we should order something.
Miss, do you mind?
One minute. One minute.
I'll guess I'll have
a glass of milk
and a chocolate doughnut.
Milk and a plain doughnut.
Chocolate.
Chocolate makes you break out.
MR. FOSTER: Alice!
He's a very nervous man.
Bobby, will you stop drinking
everybody else's water?
You won't have
room left for your food.
Okay, who's next?
Uh, me.
I'll have a caramel
fudge sundae.
One fruit cup.
Too much caramel sundae
makes too much Marcia.
Then I'll have the
caramel fudge sundae.
Good. Two fruit cups.
I don't know what I want.
Well, don't squint, Jan.
Put your glasses on.
Thanks, Alice.
Alice, we've missed you.
We're sorry for what we did.
We didn't mean to
treat you that way.
We love you, Alice.
We know you didn't squeal on us.
BOBBY: Honest, Alice.
You mean...
you mean you really missed me?
Yeah, we did. Did we ever. Yeah.
( delighted whimpering)
Every time I go by a telephone,
I want to phone you guys.
The other day, I took a taxi out
just to look at the house.
You got no idea how
much I've missed you.
Alice!
Oh, Mr. Foster,
these are the Bradys!
Marvelous, and these
are the customers.
They'd like a word with
you, if you don't mind.
You got no idea how much
I have missed these kids.
Perhaps I can arrange for you
to spend more time with them...
All day, if you get the point.
Yeah. Right, right.
Oh, thank you, Mr. Foster.
Thank you so much.
Come on, kids, let's go home.
( happy shouts, cheering)
Wait a minute.
Where do you think you're going?
I got my old job
back, Mr. Foster,
and I'm never going
to leave it again.
( cheering)
Oh, Alice, I can't tell you
how good it is to have you back.
I have to keep pinching myself
to be sure I really am.
You know, I really believed
that story you told us
about your uncle Winston.
Well, I may not be
the greatest
housekeeper in the world,
but I'm a pretty good liar.
And, by the way, did
Kay work out all right?
Oh, Alice, she was fabulous.
The house was always spotless.
She relined the
kitchen cupboards.
She ironed the clothes
without a wrinkle.
She vacuumed the drapes.
( laughing): And, Alice,
wait'll you hear this.
She even dusted the garage!
You want to know
something, Alice?
What?
It was one of the worst weeks
we have ever had.
( laughing): Oh.
Don't you ever do that again.