♪ Here's the story ♪
♪ Of a lovely lady ♪
♪ Who was bringing up ♪
♪ Three very lovely girls ♪
♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪
♪ Like their mother ♪
♪ The youngest one in curls ♪
♪ It's the story of a
man named Brady ♪
♪ Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
♪ They were four
men living all together ♪
♪ Yet they were all alone ♪
♪ Till the one day when
the lady met this fellow ♪
♪ And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪
♪ That this group must
somehow form a family ♪
♪ That's the way we all
became the Brady Bunch ♪
♪ The Brady Bunch ♪
♪ The Brady Bunch ♪
♪ That's the way we
became the Brady Bunch. ♪
Hey, Steve.
Listen, you guys, I...
Hi.
Come on, you
guys. It isn't my fault.
( sighs)
Hi.
I'll walk home with you.
( sighs)
Bobby!
Hi, Cindy.
What's wrong?
What's wrong?
Everything's wrong.
What do you mean?
My whole class hates me.
( car horn honks)
Hi, Dad.
Hi.
You didn't say anything
about getting a boat.
Well, I didn't know
I was going to.
Hey, honey, where
did you get that?
I delivered my plans
for the marine
addition to Joe Houston.
He was about to commit
this thing to the junkyard.
I thought, with a little work,
you know, we can fix it up.
Far out.
It doesn't look very seaworthy.
As a matter of fact
it doesn't even look
very bathtub-worthy.
Wow! A boat!
Is it ours?
Well, I'm afraid so, sweetie.
When do we go sailing?
As soon as we're sure
we're not going to go sinking.
GREG: Hey, look
what we got, Bobby!
Hey, where you going?
Up to my room.
Gee, that's not like Bobby.
I thought he'd be more
excited than anyone.
I think Bobby has a problem.
A problem? Did something
happen at school today?
It must have.
Why?
Bobby says his
whole class hates him.
I hate you, too.
Mind if we come in?
My goodness, Bobby,
you look like the world
has come to an end.
That would be good.
What? Bad as all that?
Want to talk about it?
There's nothing you can do.
There's nothing anybody can do.
Well, let's see.
Come on, you tell us about it.
( sighs)
So?
Don't you know what it is?
Sure. It's an armband.
School "safety monitor."
Safety monitor?
S.M. Should stand
for "snitch monitor."
What's that supposed to mean?
It means I have to
fink on all my friends.
That's not finking, Bobby.
If the kids at
school break a rule,
it's the safety monitor's
job to report them.
Some job.
When the teacher
asked for a volunteer,
not one kid in the class
raised his hand... not one kid.
So she made me the
safety... the class cop.
Did you ever stop to think
that she might have picked
you because she thought
you were responsible
enough to do a good job?
What do you mean?
Well, take police, for instance.
You know, it isn't
part of their job
to like arresting people.
They share a responsibility
to enforce the rules.
And rules are very
important, Bobby.
They're made to protect people.
Never thought of it that way.
And you'll be a great
safety monitor, Bobby
if you try.
You think so?
Why, we'd bet on it.
( whispering):
What are you doing?
Studying the rules.
If I've got to be
a safety monitor,
I'm going to be the best
one the school ever had.
Well, it's past your bedtime,
so just a few more
minutes, okay?
Okay.
Oh, wow!
What's the matter?
I didn't know chewing
gum was against the rules.
I've been illegal all term.
Hey.
Yeah?
You're chewing gum.
So?
Regulation 16-A
says you're not allowed
to chew gum in
classrooms or hallways.
This is my post. No gum.
Who's chewing gum?
Hey, wait! You're trying
to swallow the evidence!
I just did. Nyah!
Won't do any good.
( clucking like a chicken)
I'm not a chicken.
I'm just doing my job.
How do you spell your name?
Last name first.
Well, he's...
you know, every
time we go someplace,
she always gets carsick.
We have to give
her this Dramamine...
What's your name?
Why?
You just littered.
I tried to get it
in the waste can.
That's what they all say.
Name, please. Last name first.
BOY: Come on, give it to me!
Come on, give it to me!
Okay, you three hold it.
Right there. Hold it.
There is to be no disorderly
conduct in the halls,
especially at my post.
We were only trying to
help him carry his books.
That's your story.
I know, last name first.
Boy, this is what I've
always wanted... a boat.
Ha-ha. Me, too.
Give me a boat
and a moonlit night,
and I'm all set.
Haven't you forgot something?
What? The girl.
Oh, she's there, little brother.
She's there.
MIKE: Ahoy, there!
Hi. Oh, hi.
Okay, kids, if we're
going to go sailing,
we're going to have to learn
a little something about it.
With a boat this size,
there really isn't
much to learn, is there?
Oh, yeah? Well, if
you want to do it safely,
there's a lot more
than you think.
For instance, who knows
which side is port and
which is starboard?
The left side is port.
Right. Yeah.
I know which side is starboard.
The right one.
Yes, that's right.
Well, I couldn't miss.
Okay, now, when two boats meet,
who has the right of way?
The biggest boat.
No, no, no. The boat
that's on the right.
It's the same as
the rules of the road.
Yeah, but what if they're
coming straight at each other?
Then we're back
to the biggest boat.
What are we doing? Hi, Cindy.
Well, we're learning a little
bit about sailing, sweetheart.
Can I learn, too?
Why, sure.
Where's Bobby?
He's still busy at school.
What's he doing?
He stopped seven kids
from running down the stairs
and he was still trying to
get their names when I left.
Well, he's really serious
about being the
long arm of the law.
( girls laughing)
Hey, wait!
Stop!
You're running in the halls.
It's okay... It's my
brother. Come on.
Cindy!
What are you doing?
What does it look
like I'm doing?
I know her name. What's yours?
Last name first.
Bobby, you can't turn me in!
I'm your own sister!
Watch it.
I can also cite you for
arguing with a safety monitor.
Neatness counts.
Thanks, Alice.
Here.
What's the cheese for?
For you. All rats eat cheese.
What was that all about?
Oh, she's just sore
'cause I was doing my duty.
I had to turn her name in
'cause she was
running in the hall.
Oh. That's why she
had to stay after school?
'Cause you reported her?
Yeah. She was
running in the hall.
When you break a rule,
you have to get punished.
Well, I'll keep it
down to a slow walk
in the kitchen.
And he wrote down
the names, even mine.
But that's his job, sweetheart.
Yes, but I'm his
very own sister.
Well, that doesn't give you
any special privileges.
The same rules apply to you
that apply to everyone else.
I don't see why they should.
Let me see.
I'll try to explain
it to you this way.
Let's say that Bobby
was a policeman,
and, uh, I drove
through a red light...
Accidentally, of course.
Well, I would expect
him to give me a ticket.
Your own son?!
Absolutely.
Boy, if I ever had a son
who was a policeman
and he gave me a ticket,
I'd give him a spanking.
( stamping feet)
I guess she was
complaining about me.
You guessed right.
I guess you took her side.
You guessed wrong.
You didn't?
Yeah. Well,
Cindy didn't like it,
but, well, you were just
doing your duty, honey.
I'm glad you understand, Mom.
Oh, I do. I do.
Listen, being in a position
of authority isn't easy.
Right. Thanks, Mom.
It's kind of tough
being a lawman.
It's a big responsibility.
Oh, I know, Officer.
I wonder if he really
would give me a ticket.
( knocking)
Come in.
Jan, I got to talk to
you about something.
Well, can't it wait?
I'm awful busy.
I just saw Alice
setting the table.
So?
It's your turn to set
the table tonight.
What business is that of yours?
Mom and Dad told us
not to go pushing off
our chores on Alice.
Well, look, Bobby, I have...
You're breaking a rule.
People can't just go
around breaking rules.
Bobby, you're a safety
at school, not at home.
A rule is a rule... at
school or at home.
You're going to be on my report.
What report?
I'm turning in a report
to Mom and Dad
at the end of the week.
Well, I've got a
very good reason
for not setting the table.
And I've got a very good
reason for reporting you.
You broke a rule.
See you later.
( door opens)
You were supposed
to be in by 11:30.
Sorry I woke you up, Bobby.
You're 25 minutes late.
Go back to sleep.
I'm going to have
to tell Mom and Dad.
Huh?
You're going to be on my report
at the end of the week.
What report?
You broke a rule.
You came in late.
Listen, I have a very
good reason for being late.
That's what they all say.
How could they cram ten feet
of nerve into four feet of kid?
You know, I thought
everybody would love
the way that Jan
and I painted the boat.
Boats are supposed
to be one color.
You want to scare
the fish to death?
Okay, so we goofed.
Listen, you're lucky you're
not on Bobby's report.
Yeah. Do you
believe that report?
I have to. I'm on it.
So am I. The little stinker.
What are you on it for?
Well, I'm not supposed to borrow
any of Mom's
things unless I ask,
and Bobby saw me
borrowing a bracelet.
You know, I think
being a school safety
has gone right to
his fat little head.
I'd like to give him a good kick
right in his fat
little... other end.
Two eggs. Check.
Two cups cream. Check.
b*at at high speed
for 30 seconds.
BOBBY: Alice. Hmm?
I just went by the trash cans.
You've got some
spray bottles and cans
in with the other things. So?
They're supposed
to be kept separate.
Sorry, but I'm going to
have to put you on my report.
Report?
( Mike grunts)
( kids cheering)
The S.S. Brady. Boy,
does that look neat!
Mm-hmm. Who's
going to be the captain?
Your father, of course!
Ta-dum!
What am I going to be?
Probably seasick.
Hey, when can
we go sailing, Dad?
Well, if we get the sail
back that I ordered today,
we ought to be able to put it
in the water on the weekend.
Good! Oh, good!
That's really great, Dad.
Hey, where are you
going all dressed up?
All us safeties
have to go to school
and get our picture taken.
Well, just be careful
and don't get your
good clothes dirty, okay?
Don't worry, I
won't. See you later.
Okay, honey. Bye.
Dad, does he have to go with us
when we launch the boat?
Well, now, that's
a silly question.
Of course he does.
Well... if he's going to go,
I don't really think I want to.
That goes double for me.
Make that triple.
Hey, wait a minute.
Come back here.
What is this, huh?
We haven't even
launched the boat yet,
and we've got a mutiny?
What's going on here?
( all talking at once)
See you guys later.
GIRL: Oh, Bobby! Bobby!
Oh, am I glad to see you.
Hi, Jill. You've got to help me.
My cat's stuck. Your cat?
Around the corner.
It's stuck in that old house
they're going to tear down.
I can't get in. It's
all boarded up.
Well, we can't go
in that old house.
There's a sign
right out in the front
that says "no trespassing."
Please, you've got to
get Pandora out for me!
( sighs)
Gee, Jill, I'd like to help,
but... it says "keep out."
A rule's a rule.
What if Pandora's hurt?
You've got to help me.
Please, you've got to
get Pandora out for me!
Well... I know I'm not
supposed to do this...
Here, Pandora.
Come here, Pandora.
( meowing)
Pandora?
( meowing continues)
Are you up there?
( yowling)
( coughing)
( meowing)
( coughs)
( meows)
Thanks, Bobby.
( coughing)
Boy... Mom and Dad
are going to k*ll me.
Mom?
Dad?
Wow! What luck!
I've still got a whole hour.
♪ ♪
( gurgling)
( gurgling)
What?!
Oh, no!
We went to our sale.
Yeah, here. Let me help, Alice.
Okay.
Well, if there's
one thing I hate,
it's a last-day,
half-price bargain sale.
Oh, me, too.
All that pushing and
shoving and grabbing.
I hope I didn't hurt anybody.
I have told those kids
not to leave the door open.
What on earth...?
CAROL: Oh, my goodness!
Where are all those
suds coming from?
Well, the washing
machine must be on.
Well, Alice, did you
leave it on a*t*matic?
I wasn't even using it today.
My goodness...
Oh, Alice!
The washing
machine's gone crazy!
BOBBY: Help! Mom!
Mrs. Brady, the
suds are calling you.
Bobby?
BOBBY: Yeah, it's me!
Where... oh, Bobby...
Here he is. Where are you?
Here he is. Wait.
Oh, what in the world happened?
Are you all right?
I think so.
What were you doing?
Washing my clothes.
You're supposed to
take your clothes off
before you wash them.
Bobby... oh...
Oh, honey... Sorry.
Yeah, you should be.
And when there
wasn't anybody home,
I figured I could
wash my good clothes
and you'd never find out.
( sighs)
Well, what do you think?
It calls for a
punishment, doesn't it?
I broke a rule... I
have to get punished.
Well, not necessarily, Bobby.
What do you mean?
Well, you did break a rule,
but you saved
a little girl's cat,
and that's a good
reason for breaking a rule.
Bob, we always have to have
rules and laws, but we
also have to use them
with reason and justice.
You mean you're not
going to punish me?
Not for this.
Oh, wow! Thanks!
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
We're not through yet, you know.
What else is there?
I want to talk to
you about that report
you're making out for us.
What about it?
Listen, Bobby, other
people have reasons
for breaking rules,
too, you know.
Do you know why Greg was
late getting home that night?
No.
Well, because his date
forgot her house key.
Her parents weren't home,
and he didn't want her
waiting around the
house alone at night.
Gee, I guess that is a good
reason for breaking a rule.
But Greg never told me that.
Well, he says he tried
to, but you wouldn't listen.
And you know the reason
why Jan didn't set
the table that night?
No.
Because she had to read a book
for a test the next morning.
MIKE: And one more thing.
Being an authority at school
does not give you that
same authority at home.
You understand?
Yes, sir.
From what we've heard,
you have become the
most unwelcome young man
at Clinton Avenue
Elementary School.
Let alone at home.
I guess I was a
real stinker, huh?
Yeah, I guess the name
"stinker" fits pretty well.
Maybe I should
apologize to them, huh?
I think that would
be a very good idea.
Well, I hope you've learned
something from all this.
Boy, I sure have.
First, even if you
have authority,
you've got to listen to people;
and second, you've got to use
good justice and
reason like you said.
Good. Anything else?
Oh, yeah, the most
important thing of all.
What's that?
Never use a whole box of
soap in the washing machine.
You can say that again.
( laughing)
Okay, everybody.
We've got to loosen the mast
and lash the boat
to the top of the car.
Then we're going to
put her in the water.
Hey, where's Bobby?
I thought he was here. He...
Where'd you get those?
JAN: That's tighter
than your skin.
Mom told me to wear something
that it wouldn't matter
if it got dirty or wet.
Aren't those his good pants?
Those were his good pants.
Listen, Bobby, next time,
before you wash something,
will you check the label
where it says "dry clean only"?
MIKE: Come on, everybody.
We've got to take
the mast down first.
Everybody get in position.
Right. Loosen
the line there and...
Ready? One, two, three, heave.
( pants ripping)
Uh-oh.
Excuse me. Uh...
I'll be back in just a minute.
What's the matter with Bobby?
I think he got a
split amidships.
( laughter)
Yeah, and I'll bet
he's got a draft... aft.