-♪ What would you do
if I sang out of tune? ♪
♪ Would you stand up
and walk out on me? ♪
♪ Lend me your ears,
and I'll sing you a song ♪
♪ I will try not to
sing out of key, yeah ♪
♪ Oh, baby, I get by ♪
- ♪ by with a little help
from my friends ♪
-♪ All I need is my buddies ♪
-♪ High with a little
help from my friends ♪
-♪ I'm sayin' I'm gonna get higher ♪ - ♪
try with a little help from my friends ♪
-♪ Whoa-oa-oa-oa ♪
-♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
-♪ Somebody who
knows quite sure ♪
♪ Baby ♪
-♪ By with a little
help from my friends ♪
-♪ Said I'm gonna make
it with my friends ♪
-♪ Try with a little
help from my friends ♪
-♪ Oh, I'm gonna
keep on trying ♪
-♪ High with a little
help from my friends ♪
-♪ I'm gonna keep on
trying now, baby ♪
-♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
-Genetics...
The heartbeat of heredity,
The linchpin of the family.
Parents supply their children
With the same basic
building blocks,
The same blood types,
The same involuntary responses,
The same essential gene pool.
Yet, despite all this
potential for similarity,
Sometimes things get confused.
Sometimes, mother nature,
in all her wry sense of humor,
Goes off and creates...
-Move, butthead.
- Total and
complete opposites...
-Try to get some
toothpaste in your mouth.
It might help, buttbreath.
- Like me and my brother, wayne.
It was hard to believe we
ever occupied the same womb.
-That's disgusting.
-Where's the deodorant?
-You haven't even showered yet.
-Well, I'm dry-cleaning.
-The only thing we had in common
Was our complete and utter
contempt for one another.
-You're really
gross. You know that?
-So?
-Wayne?
How many times I have to tell
you to leave my things alone?
-I'm sorry, dad. Uh,
it'll never happen again.
-All in all, my brother and I
Were just two different
branches on the family tree...
Me, the good branch,
Wayne, the dead end.
-You got the wedding
invitation, norma?
-It's in my beauty case, honey.
-We should take route 93
Through hutsonville
and avoid the traffic.
-I can't believe that iris
is finally getting married.
-April 1972.
History was being made.
For the first time in our lives,
Our parents were leaving
us alone for the weekend.
To us, it meant
freedom, independence...
-Boys, the white casserole
dish is for tonight,
And the cold cuts
are for saturday.
- And, of course, instructions.
-Right, mom.
-There's a list of
chores on the fridge.
I want them done
when we get back.
-Right, dad.
-And, wayne, don't leave
your towels by the heater
While we're gone.
-I won't!
-You did last week, and
look what happened.
- Well, I put it out!
- Wayne!
-Honey, we better go.
-Yeah.
-And you have the
number where we'll be.
- Right, mom.
- Right, mom.
-And don't forget those chores.
And don't tie up the line in
case we want to call you.
-And I don't want a
lot of kids over here
While we're gone this weekend.
- You got that?
- Dad, we're not babies anymore.
We can take care of ourselves.
-Well, in a manner
of speaking, anyway.
-Don't worry, dad.
I'll look after him.
-Not that, as loyal,
loving children,
We weren't gonna
miss our parents...
-Dad?
-Yeah?
-You gonna give us any money?
Here's a $20.
It's the smallest
I got. Split it.
- Thanks.
- Are you sure you two boys
are gonna be all right?
-Yeah, mom. Have a good time.
-Yeah. Don't do
anything I wouldn't do.
Bye!
-And with that...
-Don't be late for school!
- My parents were gone,
Leaving us to defend the
arnold family fortress.
Well, I'm out of here.
-Wait a minute. You're
going to school early?
-No. There's no school
today. It's a holiday.
It's national
parents-go-away day.
Ta-ta, scrote.
-So much for defending
the old fortress.
-Hey! Hey, what about my money?
Wayne, you owe me 10 bucks!
-Oh!
- Fresh out of change.
- Wayne.
-I'm sorry. It'll
never happen again.
Don't wait up for me, honey.
-And suddenly, for
the first time in my life,
I found myself completely alone
With one empty house,
two days to myself,
And nothing to do but...
-I know! Let's have a party!
- Head directly for trouble.
-Come on, guys, my parents said
they didn't want a lot of people there.
-What people?
It's just us guys.
-We just thought since you
have a whole house to yourself,
You might want to
take advantage of it.
-What are we gonna
do at my house?
-Everything!
-Hang out.
-Stuff our faces.
-Order pizza.
-Stupid question.
-Maybe we could get some beer.
-Yeah! We can drink
till our heads hurt!
-Come on, kev, it'll be great!
-I don't know.
-After all, certain
rules had been set,
And nothing could be
said to make me break them.
-Look, guys, if
kevin's parents said
Not to have anyone in the house,
Then he shouldn't have
anyone in the house.
Period.
-Nothing, except that.
-I didn't say that, paul.
-Great!
So, are we having
a party or not?
-Yeah, well...
Maybe we could do something.
Play poker, but just us guys.
-Yeah, all right.
-Like I said, I
could handle this.
I was the responsible
son, not like...
My brother, the slug.
-Nice of you to get
out of bed, butthead.
-Shut up, troll. Besides,
what's the hurry?
-Well, for one
thing, it's 11:00.
-What? What, you
have a plane to catch?
-No, but dad did leave
some chores for us to do.
-Oh.
Wax wayne's car.
-That's not on the list, nimrod.
-Yeah, well...
It is now.
There you go.
-Wayne, we have to
get this stuff done!
-Sorry. I made other plans.
-Well, I made other
plans, too, you know.
-Like what?
-Well... I'm having a
party here tonight.
-You're having a party? What
are you gonna do, rent a pony?
-No. Just some of the guys
are coming over to play poker.
-That's not a party. Th-that's
a butthead convention.
-Hold on, here.
-Hey!
What are you doing
tonight that's so great?
-Well, it just so happens
There's a guy from north
central who's having a beer blast,
So don't leave
the light on for me.
-Fine. I won't.
-Hey, what did I care?
After all, I was gonna have
a pretty wild time of my own...
- Whose bet is it?
- I don't know.
-Is there any more pizza?
- Assuming your
idea of a wild time
Was an evening of
never-ending boredom.
-Ricky, come on, will you?
-Don't rush me. I'm thinking.
I fold.
-After all that, you fold?
-I wasn't sure.
-I don't believe this.
-I'll raise.
-I'll see you.
-Randy, watch it, will you?
This is my dad's
good card table!
-Yes, mrs. Arnold!
-You'll never be able
to see it once it dries.
-Man, this is the worst
party I've ever been to.
-You said it.
-The thing was, they were right.
We had hit rock bottom.
-Look, this was your
idea in the first place.
If you guys know so much
about having a great time,
Well, what are you
gonna do about it?
-We could invite some girls.
-Okay, possibly a mistake here.
-Are you kidding?
It's 7:30 on a saturday night.
How are we gonna get girls?
-Uh-huh, well, I know it's late,
But, well, it's gonna
be a lot of fun.
Um... His parents
are out of town.
-The first rule of
sophomore boys...
If it's female, call it.
If it answers, invite it.
-Chuck.
Chuck!
I'm in your bio class.
No. Not chuck thorson.
Chuck coleman.
But, um...
Chuck thorson will be there.
Great. Uh, see you.
- What'd she say?
- What'd she say?
- What'd she say?
-She's coming.
- Yes.
- Great!
- Cool!
-And she's bringing her sister.
-Hold the phone.
-What?
-A party was one thing.
A full-scale orgy
was something else.
-Chuck, wait a minute. I
thought I said one girl each.
-What was I supposed to do?
Tell her she couldn't come?
-Yeah. Give him a break.
-Okay.
But from now on,
just one per guy, okay?
-And from such
tiny concessions...
-My turn.
- Do full-scale
catastrophes grow.
-Hi, kevin!
-Hi, alice!
-Not that it started
out so badly.
-Hey, this is it! Are we here?
-Who are they?
-This is our brother,
charlie, his friend eddy,
Eddy's cousin deborah,
and her best friend carolyn.
I needed a ride.
Is that okay with you?
- Well...
- Hey, yeah. The more the merrier.
-Come on in.
-Yeah, sure.
Just make yourselves at home.
-What's the matter, kev?
-Randy, I said a
couple of people.
Now I got brothers
and cousins and friends.
-Come on, kev, you gonna relax
and have a good time, or not?
-Well... Okay.
-After all, how much
worse could things get?
-Hey, man. I-is
there a party here?
-Yeah. Come on in!
-A lot worse.
- Hi.
- Hi.
-Nice house.
-By around 9:00, my
modest get-together
Was turning into a happening.
-There were people
I was glad to see...
-Hi.
- Those I was
surprised to see...
- And those I'd never
seen before in my life.
-♪ Judy in disguise ♪
-Still, I kept telling myself
things were under control...
-Nice.
- Even though they weren't.
- Kev, great party.
- What are you talking about?
This is a disaster!
-I'll say it's a disaster.
-And there, finally, a voice
of reason in the crowd.
-We're out of food!
-What?
-We're down to
mayonnaise sandwiches.
-Hey, why don't you
go pick up some stuff?
-That's a great idea.
-Hey, no. Wait a minute!
I never said you could...
-Really nice place, kenny.
-Uh, kevin. Thanks.
-I had only one fallback...
-Hey, arnie.
- Damage control.
-Hey!
You mind not putting
the glasses on the piano?
-Sure.
Here you go. Can
you hold that for me?
-No problem.
-Okay, maybe I wasn't
exactly the ideal host.
At least I was
keeping a lid on things.
-Hey, look what I
found! A casserole!
-But not only were matters
getting out of hand...
-Will you look at this!
-Can you get your
head out of there?
- They were getting
into the wrong hands.
-Who are you?
-Uh... I'm, uh, k-kevin arnold.
Who are you?
-I'm a friend of betsy wagner.
-Who's she?
-And just when I thought
things had reached rock bottom,
They went into negative numbers.
-Shut up, everyone! I
think it's my parents!
Hello?
Chuck, where are you?
Chuck, how could you leave
your wallet on my dresser?
-Shh! Keep your voice down.
I took it out when
the girls came over.
-Why?
-'Cause it made my rear
end look lumpy, all right?
-Look, just hurry up, okay?
-All I wanted to do was get
back to my unprotected house
As soon as possible.
-Okay, got candy...
Potato chips...
Some pretzels...
Crackers.
-That'll be $2.64.
-And, uh...
We'll, uh... We'll
also take, uh...
We'll take this.
-Chuck!
-Don't worry,
kev! I'll pay for it!
-You got an i.d. For that?
-Sure. Sure.
- "Richard piedmont"?
-Well, it's... It's
chuck for short.
-27?
-My mother smoked.
-What year were you born?
-April 22, 1945.
I live at 303 grant
street. I weigh 166 pounds.
I have blue eyes,
and I'm near-sighted.
How did he know?
-Well, maybe you don't
look near-sighted, chuck.
-You know, next
time I'm gonna squint.
-Look, chuck, let's just
get out of here, okay?
-Geez, kev.
You're a little testy
tonight. You know that?
-Testy? I was fed up.
-Look, chuck, I've had it!
This whole thing has gotten
completely out of control!
As a matter of fact,
the minute I get home,
Everyone's out of there, okay?
-And that was that. Case closed.
-Look! Beer!
A whole keg!
-Yeah, we're going
to a great party.
- You guys need a lift?
- No.
-Where is it?
-It's about 10 blocks from here.
Some kid named, uh...
Arnold.
-A lot of things
raced through my head
Driving home that night...
Things like arrest...
Imprisonment...
Death.
-And this one goes out
to all the guys and gals
Partying tonight at
kevin arnold's house.
-♪ Don't ya want
to get higher? ♪
♪ Don't ya want to get higher? ♪
♪ Baby, baby, baby,
light my fire ♪
-But nothing, and I mean nothing
Could have prepared
me for what I saw.
I, kevin arnold,
Had thrown the
mother of all parties.
It was 6:00 a.m. When
the last guest left.
After three hours of cleaning,
I'd barely scratched
the surface.
It was like trying to
straighten up after woodstock.
Still... It wasn't the cigarette
burns or the carpet stains
That worried me most.
-Hey, butthead, are you home?
Oh, my god.
What happened?
-Shut up, wayne.
This is unbelievable.
Man, are you in trouble!
-You think so?
No doubt about it!
-What am I gonna do?
-Well, uh...
If it were up to me, I'd
probably k*ll myself.
-Wayne, you got to help me.
-Hey, relax.
The folks don't
get home till 4:00,
And that gives you
about three hours
To get the place in shape.
-What a comfort.
-Wayne, where you going?
Aren't you gonna give me a hand?
-Oh, I'm sorry. I'm all
booked up this afternoon.
-Clearly, it was time for a
last-minute desperate plea.
-Wayne!
Wayne, come on.
You got to help me.
-You know, scrote,
I actually think this is
gonna be good for you.
-And I guess that's
when I realized
Wayne arnold... My brother,
my own flesh and blood...
Had the heart of a toadstool.
-Fine.
If you don't want to help
me, then I'll do it myself.
-Hey, I didn't need him.
I didn't need anyone.
Except maybe a priest...
Or a registered nurse.
-Boy... This really
isn't your day.
Hi!
-Thanks.
-Hi, mom. Hi, dad.
You guys are home a bit early.
-Well, you know your father.
-Yeah, good old dad.
-Everything okay?
-Yeah, everything's fine.
How about you, kev?
-But somehow there were
just no words to express it.
-Well, I'm going in.
You boys bring in the luggage.
It's good to be home.
-And so it came down to this...
A tragic end to the
age of innocence,
A farewell to the
era of parental trust.
-Maybe they won't notice.
-The thing is, I was prepared
for the yelling, the screaming,
The gnashing of teeth.
But what I wasn't
prepared for was...
The complete and utter silence.
-What happened?!
-Well, maybe this was justice,
A payback for all the
times I'd laughed at wayne
When he got in trouble.
-I don't believe this.
-In any case, there
was no way out.
-Look, dad, i-i
know you're angry,
And you have every
right to be, because...
-Kevin, you stay out of this!
-What?
-Wayne...
How could you do
something like this?
-What?
-No. Dad...
-Wayne, I want an answer!
I want an answer now!
-'Course, he should have told.
It was the moment he had
been waiting for his whole life.
-I'm sorry.
It'll never happen again.
-But he didn't.
I'm not sure why he didn't.
Maybe he saw it was
futile to try and explain.
Maybe he knew how much harder
My parents would
be on me than on him.
Or maybe he forgot and
thought he really did it.
-We'll talk about
this later, wayne.
Right now, start
cleaning this mess up.
-Or just maybe, for
that one afternoon...
-Wayne.
- My brother saw in me
a little bit of himself.
-You know, you
really are a butthead.
-Growing up brothers
is kind of a mixed bag...
Strangers...
Warriors...
Enemies...
Idiots...
Friends.
One day, you fight to the death.
The next, you'll lay down
your lives for each other.
I never did say thanks
to wayne for what he did.
But I washed his corvair.
Waxed it, too.
I figured, hey, any guy
who'd do a thing like that
Deserved a shiny car.