06x17 - Eclipse

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Wonder Years". Aired: January 1988 to May 1993.*
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06x17 - Eclipse

Post by bunniefuu »

-♪ Baby ♪

-♪ High with a little
help from my friends ♪

-♪ Said I'm gonna make
it with my friends ♪

-♪ Try with a little
help from my friends ♪

-♪ Oh, oh, I'm gonna
keep on tryin' ♪

-♪ Get by with a little
help from my friends ♪

-♪ I'm gonna keep
on tryin', now, babe ♪

-♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

-On the afternoon
of march 21, 1973,

At exactly 2:15 p.m.,

A rare astronomical
event occurred...

A total eclipse of the sun.

As the sun, the
moon, and the earth

Began to move into line...

So did we.

-Miss corregliano, mr. Gottlieb,

Mr. Cashion, miss
lackeroo, miss burke.

-So, when he called me...

-Step lively, miss lackeroo.

We need to be at the
nierman planetarium by noon.

-What a wiener.

-A field trip.

It was a chance
to bring education

To the unwashed masses
of the junior class...

-Mr. Abramson...

-Present.

- Like harlan abramson,

Mckinley's living monument
to polyunsaturated fats...

-Miss genaro...

- Or mary jo genaro.

Senior year, she became
the first girl at mckinley

To take her parole
officer to the prom.

-No smoking, miss genaro.

-What was I thinking?

-Or louis lanahan.

When mankind discovered fire,

They hadn't quite
counted on louis.

-Mr. Donlan, miss lowell.

All right, people.
Let's get moving.

We have a full day ahead of us.

-And so with a cloud of smoke

And a mighty "heigh-ho, silver,"

We were on our way to
the nierman planetarium...

34 Students and one teacher

On the road to higher education.

Such as it was.

-Okay. Listen up, everybody.

I must have your
complete attention, please.

L-l... Gentlemen!

Students!

People!

-Hey! Kids, shut up back there!

Turn that damn radio off!

Animals.

-Thank you.

-All in all, it was a
unique opportunity

To exchange ideas outside
the confines of the classroom...

-Truth or dare?

-Truth.

- To expand the boundaries
of higher education...

Who's the best kisser
you've ever kissed?

-The best?

That would be...

You.

- To go where no
man had gone before.

-Are you gonna
play for real or not?

-We are.

Well, I asked her
an honest question,

And she gave me
an honest answer.

-Right!

-I mean, no one's
taking this seriously.

-Yeah. You can really
learn a lot from this game.

-Maybe that's what
they're afraid of.

Right, pooh bear?

- Okay. Truth or dare?
- Truth.

- Make it a hard one.
- Okay.

If you had to change one
thing about me, what would it be?

-Now, of course,
moments like this

Had to be handled carefully.

-I wouldn't change a thing.

Come on, kevin.

There's got to be something
about me you want to change.

You can tell me.

-No. Nothing.

-Forget it. This is a joke.

-Come on, kevin.
You can tell me.

-Well, I am.

I mean, you're perfect.

In fact, if I was absolutely
forced to pick one thing,

That would be it.

-What would?

-Well, I'd have to
say, if anything,

Sometimes you're too perfect.

Heh, heh.

-Too perfect?

-Uh-oh!

-This field trip chews.

-I told you we should
have cut today.

-Yuck.

Look at that.

That harlan kid's disgusting.

What is he doing that for?

-Maybe he's dieting.

Ew!

-So gross.

-Can you imagine kissing him?

-Not without barfing.

-I wouldn't do it for
a million dollars.

-I wouldn't do it for anything.

-I'd do it for $30.

-And there you had it...
Where ordinary mortals

Saw nothing but a
fat kid with a cupcake,

Mary jo genaro saw the
challenge of a lifetime.

-$25.

-Yeah.

And we're gonna need
a hickey for proof.

-Yeah, a big hickey.

-You got it.

-Come on, pooky. We'll
show them how it's done.

-Chucky, what's the one thing
that you would change about me?

Honestly.

-I guess it would
have to be, um...

Your voice.

-What do you mean?!
What's wrong with my voice?!

-Uh, not your voice.

Uh... Your hair.

- You don't like my hair?!
- No, i-i like it.

-Oh, you ought to
talk, brillo head!

-Come on, guys.

-Pooky, t-this is just a game.

-Fine! My turn! Truth
or dare? I choose truth.

Who's the weasliest, most
disgusting, grossest thing

I've ever laid eyes on
in my whole entire life?!

-Maybe we shouldn't
play this anymore.

-I'm glad I found out how
you really feel about me!

-Pooky?

-Get out of my way!

Move over!

Move!

I'm so mad, I could explode!

Can you believe those two...

Getting upset
about a stupid game?

-No, I can't imagine it.

-O-kay.

Oh, come on, winnie. I
mean, you can't be that mad.

All I said was...

-I heard what you said.

In fact, I heard you perfectly.

-All right.

Clearly it was time
to put this fire out.

Winnie, I meant that
as a good thing.

I mean, you're a
really nice person.

Well... Well, I mean that
as a good thing, too.

You're like, uh... Mary
tyler moore on tv.

You know, perky.

Winnie, I mean, you got to admit

You've always been
kind of... Well-behaved.

I mean, there are just
certain things you wouldn't do.

-Like what?

-Hmm.

Skipping the obvious...

Well...

Like that, for instance.

But... I mean, it's
not a bad thing.

It's just... Who you a...

It just...

I mean, you don't
have to do that.

Winnie...

-Ow!

Okay, that does it!

-You were saying?

-Excuse me.

Miss cooper.

Miss cooper, did you see
who threw that spitball?

- Yes.
- Winnie...

-I did it.

I admire your reluctance to
turn in your fellow student.

However...

I will tolerate no more
rowdy behavior on this bus!

- Pbht!
- Pbht!

-And with that quantum leap
forward in human dynamics...

We moved on to more
pressing matters.

-Okay, people,

We are making an
emergency rest stop

For mr. Abramson, who
suffers from a nervous colon.

But I must ask the rest of you
to please remain in your seats

So we can reach the
planetarium on schedule.

-It was a thoroughly
reasonable request.

So, of course...

We ignored it.

-Alice, you have
a beautiful voice!

Like a nightingale!

-Shut up, rat-face!

-I should have chose dare.

-Excuse me, mr. Grant,

But I'd better go see
how rhoda's doing.

Great.

It seemed there was
something to be said

For keeping higher education
confined to the classroom.

'Cause a little knowledge
could be a dangerous thing.

You, uh, dropped something.

Enough cherry bombs and ash cans

To take out an armory.

-They're something, aren't they?

I got a cousin down
in north carolina.

Keeps me supplied.

See this baby?

-Yeah.

It's, uh...

Great.

-Biggest one they make.

Beauty, ain't it?

-Great.

I was stuck in a men's room
with the mad bomber himself.

-I got plans for this baby.

Look, arnold, you seem to
be a trustworthy kind of guy.

Do you know what's gonna
happen at exactly 2:15 today?

- Well, yeah. There's
gonna be an eclipse.

-Nah, nah, nah. That's
not all there's gonna be.

They got a toilet
at the planetarium.

The cherry b*mb goes in...

And then tick, tick,
tick, tick, tick, boom!

-Maybe he was into some
sort of gestalt therapy.

-It's no use.

She won't even come
out of the ladies' room.

Remember, arnold... 2:15 Sharp.

Cover your ears.

-Wait, I thought we just weren't
supposed to look at the eclipse.

-Forget it, chuck.

-What am I supposed to do?

I should have played
it safe, like you.

-Yeah, right.

-Excuse me.

-Harlan, right?

Want a yodel?

-Yodel-ay-ee-hoo.

-I was just so confused.

I mean, there were so
many things to choose from.

-Look, chuck, I got my
own problems, okay?

The way I saw it,

In the dog-eat-dog world
of scientific exploration,

It was every man for himself.

-I don't think it
looks like brillo.

-You know, this is
really nice of you.

-I'm a very giving person.

Mind if I share your seat?

Excuse me, but I was...

-Go blow, poindexter.

-Okay.

-How about some good & plenty?

-Somebody... Now!

I'm gonna miss the bus!

-He better not try
to sit here, either.

I don't want him
anywhere near me!

-As things turned out,

That wouldn't
really be a problem.

-Okay, a joke's a joke.
So let me out now.

I'm counting to 3.

1... 2... 3...

4! Let me out!

-And so, in the spirit of
intellectual discovery

And personal enrichment,

We finally reached
our destination...

The nierman planetarium.

-Now, remember,

We'll all meet on the
lawn promptly at 2:00.

If any of you need
to use the restrooms,

Make sure you go before that.

-Check.

Tick, tick, tick, boom.

-The thing about this place

Is that I always seem to
learn something new here.

-You know it, pal.

-The stage was set.

-Now, pe... Now, people,
let's stick together, huh?

-The opponents
were in their corners.

-So, what do you want to see...

The lines were drawn. First?

-Kevin, have you
seen chuck anywhere?

-No!

-Well, if you do, tell him he
better keep away from me,

Because I don't want to see him!

-Sure. Fine. I got to go.

-Men!

-All in all,

It promised to be
one heck of an eclipse.

As for chuck...

- From now on,

He was navigating by
the seat of his pants.

-Where is everybody?

Hey! Hey!

Hello! Hello!

Taxi?!

-So, you see, the
movement of the earth

Causes the pendulum to
knock down another peg

Exactly every five minutes.

-So, with eager faces,

We entered the stimulating
world of... Astronomy.

-Now, at precisely 2:00,
we'll meet on the front lawn,

And I will hand each of
you a special viewing card.

-With the eclipse of the
century only an hour away,

Things were really popping.

-What is this, anyway?

-It's an electrical
step transformer.

-It's pretty creepy-looking.

-Huh?

Oh, no!

It actually proves
electricity is all around us.

-You don't say.

-Electricity is at the heart
of every chemical reaction.

-How about we hang
out together, harlan?

-Really?

-After all...

You are kind of cute.

-So, what do you think?

-Well...

Well, you know...

-I know... It's not me, right?

Whoever that is.

-No.

Look, I love the hat.

Here... I'll even
buy it for you.

-Kevin, don't bother. I...

I think I'll just...
Wear it out.

Come on.

Just one little problem here.


Oh, god.

-May I help you with something?

-No. We were...

Let's see.

I-i was, just, uh...

Let's call it...

Never mind.

Shoplifting.

-Winnie, are you crazy?!

-I don't know. Maybe.

-Yeah. Well, don't do it again.

Next time, you might get caught.

-I wouldn't worry
about it, kevin.

Besides, it's your turn.

- My turn?
- Yeah.

You know, now
that I think about it,

You're pretty
well-behaved yourself.

-Oh, get out of here, winnie!

-No, you are. You're
nice, and you're sweet.

And to tell you the truth, well,

You've always sort of
reminded me of beaver cleaver.

-Ouch.

Get out of here. I do not.

-Kevin, you know,
you talk a good game,

But I don't see
you doing anything.

-Fine.

What, you want me
to shoplift something?

-Hmm. Well, I
already have a hat.

But I'm sure I'll think of
something... Theodore.

Bye!

-Hey!

Hey!

Ride!

Thumb a ride!

Man! Thanks for the ride.

You won't believe this,

But you probably
just saved my...

-Don't mention it.

-Let's face it...

This eclipse was beginning
to affect everybody.

-290 Pounds?

Now I'm the big load.

Oh, I'm sorry.

-That's okay, mary jo.

That's an unusual
name, isn't it?

-Like you should talk, harlan.

-Oh, no.

I meant... It's pretty, like...

Like you.

-Oh.

It's short.

-Hmm?

- "Mary josephine."

I bet I'd weigh a ton on mars.

-Attention, everybody.
It's time to assemble.

I want you to follow
me to the front lawn.

- No doubt about it.
- Okay, right this way.

-As the moon's orbit
drew closer to the sun,

There was more going on
here than simple physics.

-Come on. Let's get out of here.

-Yeah. I don't want
to miss this eclipse.

-Trust me... You
won't miss it at all.

-1... 0.

We have lift-off. Lift-off.

-Meanwhile, I was on
a mission of my own.

-Forget it, arnold. I work solo.

It's a lot cleaner that way.

-Well... Let me
just do something.

I mean, it would really help
me out with my girlfriend.

See, she's got
this crazy idea...

-Okay, okay. Maybe you
could be, like, a lookout.

-Great.

-But I get to flush.

-You got it.

-Okay. Let's rock 'n' roll.

-So, I guess we're probably
getting pretty close

To the planetarium.

Thanks for picking me up.

You know what I
was thinking about?

You know that "alfred
hitchcock" episode...

The one where this guy

Is picking up all
these hitchhikers?

And he's got this
big butcher Kn*fe,

And he k...

Never mind.

You probably didn't
see the episode.

Did you?

-27 Times.

-Whoa!

-Remember, don't look
directly at the sun.

Look at your cards.

-And so, with the great
event just moments away...

-We're all so lucky to be here.

This is the best viewing
spot in the entire state.

-Here we are, arnold.

- Final preparations
were being made.

-Ground zero.
Isn't it beautiful?

-One little thing... This
wasn't just shoplifting.

-Look, louis, maybe this
isn't such a good idea.

This was 10 to 20
in the state pen.

-What's the matter, arnold?

You chicken?

-No.

Just... This whole place
could blow up or something.

-Yeah, it's a risk.

-That was one way to put it.

Louis, let's forget about it.

Uh-oh!

-But if I was looking to
bail on this whole thing...

No! Don't!

I was a tad too late.

-Ugh!

Hey! Come back here!

-And realistically speaking,

There was about only
one thing left to do.

Whoa! Oh, my god!

-Okay, here it comes.

We're going to achieve
totality in 20... 19... 18...

17...

-Oh, my god. Look
at that hickey.

- 14... 13...

- 10... 9... 8...

-Alice! Pooky!

I made it!

- 4... 3... 2... 1...

-Top of the world, ma!

-There it is! A total eclipse!

Isn't science beautiful?

Hello?

-I guess you could say

The laws of nature
aren't always predictable.

-Well, not only did you all miss

One of the great natural
events of the century,

But the planetarium, I
am ashamed to tell you,

Has now decided to ban
any future field trips

From mckinley high school.
- All right!

-Still, when it came to
matters of cause and effect...

-I hope you're all very
proud of yourselves.

- I think we managed
to learn a thing or two.

Perhaps that day,
despite all the chaos,

There really were
cosmic forces at work...

-I can't believe you
gave him a hickey.

-It must have been the
longest 30 seconds of your life.

-Shut your face, cin.

- Forces so powerful,
so profound,

They defied all our attempts
at rational explanation.

-And then, finally, I
jumped out of the truck,

And I ran all the way
to the planetarium

So that I could see you...
- Chuck?

Instead of making up
these idiotic stories,

Just be a man for once
and say that you're sorry.

-But, I mean, i-i did. I...

I...

I'm sorry, pooky.

-I forgive you, pooh bear.

-I mean, hey, it had
only taken 5,000 years

To understand the moon...

Winnie...

So maybe we were
making progress.

About today...

-Kevin, I paid for the hat.

-I knew that.

-♪ Truckin' ♪

♪ I'm a-goin' home ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa, baby ♪

-Then again, when it
came right down to it,

Maybe we'd all learned
enough for one day.

-♪ ...get back truckin' home ♪
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