04x25 - The Boca Story

[bunniefuu]

Oh, God, my allergies
are so bad today.

Listen to how
stuffed up I sound.

How can you tell?

( laughter )

( sneezes )

Oh, no. Where's all the tissues.
I thought this was a full box.

Good morning!

( laughter )

Fran, where are
the double stuffed Oreos?

Shut up right now.

( laughter )

Here, sweetheart.

Now listen, we're going to have be very
sensitive where your sister is concerned.

She's eager to develop.

Yeah, you're right.
Couple of years

we're just going to have to go
through the same thing with Maggie.

Oh, I don't know how I'm going
to get through this day.

My only remaining single friend called
to tell me he's getting married.

Oh, Niles, you poor thing.

You're probably feeling
so vulnerable and insecure.

Like a big loser.

( laughter )

Welcome to my world, baby.

It's just that I'm lonely,
Miss Fine.

You don't know what it is to be the only
one of your friends who's not married.

Hello?

And over .

Not a clue.

Oh, Niles, how I wish
that the woman of your dreams

would just come walking
right through that door.

Ugh.

I have been tasting garlic pesto
for two days now.

Would she ever leave Morty...
what am I saying?

Darling, I just won a contest

and I'm on my way over right now
to pick up my prize.

- Oh!
- inches of heaven.

( laughter )

I'm so hoping it's a TV.

A brand new Sony Trinitron.
And all I had to do,

was fill out this little
questionnaire on retirement.

Oh.

Sylvia, have you eaten
breakfast already?

What do you think?

Then you'll just want
a little nosh.

Oh, I love you.

And I love that perfume...
Good God, man, get a grip.

( laughter )

Come on, Franny we gotta pick
up the TV before o'clock.

Ma, this is a scam, they're only
trying to lure you down there

so they can talk you into buying
a retirement condo in...

Boca?

Let me get my bag.

( laughter )

[opening credits]

♪ She was working in a bridal
shop in Flushing, Queens ♪

♪ Till her boyfriend kicked her out
in one of those crushing scenes ♪

♪ What was she to do, where was she
to go, she was out on her fanny ♪

♪ So over the bridge from Flushing
to the Sheffield's door ♪

♪ She was there to sell make up
but the father saw more ♪

♪ She had style, she had flair, she was
there, that's how she became the Nanny ♪

♪ Who would have guessed
that the girl we described ♪

♪ Was just exactly
what the doctor prescribed? ♪

♪ Now, the father
finds her beguiling ♪

♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪

♪ And the kids are actually
smiling such joie de vivre ♪

♪ She's the lady in red when
everybody else is wearing tan ♪

♪ The flashy girl from Flushing,
the Nanny named Fran. ♪

An average day
at Sunlake Village

consists of waking up,
God willing,

( laughter )

to breathtaking beaches, lush
foliage, and unspoiled vistas.

Ooh... Tony Romas.

Just six minutes
from a Loehmann's,

a -hour Cadillac dealership

and the best prostate man
in South Florida.

( laughter )

You see that guy
in the front row?

- Yeah.
- I bet he's got great hands.

( laughter )

What? One of us has to be able
to open the pickle jar.

( laughter )

So, ma, what do you think?
This place looks fabulous.

Oh, I couldn't make a decision like this
without discussing it with your father.

And now, for those of you who are
ready to make a deposit, please,

you'll join us for complimentary
coffee and cake.

You know, I'm my own person. Do
the appliances come in avocado?

( laughter )

Mr. Sheffield,
I know that it's really,

really late, but I couldn't sleep and
I was just hoping that you might...

(aloud)
be up!

( Scared )
Oh! What? What happened?

Were you having a nightmare?

Oh, I think so.

I was dreaming
I was sleeping in my bed

and then this incredibly sexy woman
came in and bloody woke me up!

( laughter )

You think I look
incredibly sexy?

Miss Fine, what are you doing
in my bedroom?

Mr. Sheffield, I've got insomnia
and I couldn't sleep

and I thought, you know
if you couldn't sleep

and you came into my room,
I'd be there for you.

Hmm, alright, so why do you think you
can't sleep? What are you feeling?

Well, I'm feeling frustrated
and I don't know why.

( laughter )

Well,

when do you think this started?

Four years ago.

( laughter )

The insomnia kicked in tonight.

Well, did something happen today
that's upsetting you or worrying you?

No, no, it was a perfectly normal day.
Manicure, pedicure, facial, for Gracey.

She had a big playdate today.

Then I took ma to buy a condo in
Florida, then Bloomeys, then home.

Miss Fine, your mother's
moving to Florida?

Uh-huh, she put down a deposit on
a condo for her and Daddy today.

They're finally moving to Boca,

, miles away, roughly.

Miss Fine, did it occur
to you that your mother

moving to Florida might be
what's troubling you?

So not.

No, seriously, I think it might be
worrying you more than you think.

I think this is the thing you
should talk to Dr. Miller about.

In therapy?

Well, of course in therapy, what do
you think those sessions are for?

You're not going to tell me you just sit
there week after week talking about me?

Yeah, right.

( laughter )

Oh, hello, Dr. Miller, I hope I'm
not catching you at a bad time.

Oh, not at all.

( Toilet flush )

( laughter )

No, I'm always up at :
in the morning.

How did you get my home number?

Well, let's just say there are Dr.
Millers in the tri-state area

that are a little P-O'd at me.

He he.

Alright, Fran,
what's the emergency?

Dr. Miller,
last night my dream came true.

You know, I couldn't sleep, so I
went into Mr. Sheffield's room

- and while we were in bed,
- Yes!

Don't get excited,

( laughter )

Just on a night when I should have been
jumping for joy, I wound up miserable.

Not unusual.

When two people fantasize
for a long time about something

and it happens, it's not uncommon
for them to feel let down.

The question is,
what about your feelings?

Were you completely satisfied?

Well, I think so. I mean, you know
it's what I've always dreamed of.

You know how long
I've wanted this.

Well, did you feel
the earth move?

Doc, they're moving to Boca,
not Antarctica.

( laughter )

Excuse me?

My parents are moving to Boca.
Why aren't I happy?

Fran, it is a long and sometimes painful
process separating from one's mother,

but you have to understand
you must do that,

in order to become
a mature healthy adult.

( Knocking at the door )

Mother, I am in session.

( laughter )

I don't even know why I still
keep going to that Dr. Miller.

I mean, listen to
what that man says to me.

For a woman my age, I have an
abnormal connection to my mommy.

What's that?

It's wrong, Fran.

I mean if you were still
living at home

and sleeping on the pull-out
couch, then already you'd be you...

You.

( laughter )

You know, the man is wacko.

Do you know
how many people would k*ll

to have a relationship
like I have with my mother?

I mean, let's face it,
she's not getting any younger.

You don't know how many
years you have together.

You got to appreciate
every precious moment.

( Crying ) I don't want
my mommy to move away!

( laughter )

Oh, good, my anti-depressants.

Mm, they're mine.

( laughter )

Please, would you stop?

Just 'cause your friend's
getting married and you're not.

You know, you don't exactly
make tons of money.

You should be happy you don't
have a wife to support.

And, on that note...

Oh, poor Niles. Always a
best man, never a man.

( laughter )

Hey, what do you think will
be the hardest part?

Watching your friend kiss the bride,
or starting every sentence with,

"No, I don't have a date."

Well, I was thinking of asking
a tall, voluptuous blonde.

But she's moving to Boca.

( laughter )

Oh, you are pathetic.

Alright, if you're that
desperate I will go with you.

That doesn't sound like you.

Someone leave that
on your answering machine?

Well, now you
can just forget it.

I wouldn't go if you begged me.

- I'll pick you up at : .
- : , we'll have drinks.

( Doorbell rings )

Oh, Val.

What am I going to do
without my mother being here?

I'm going to miss
her hugs and kisses.

Why is she the one that always
gives me that warm fuzzy feeling?

'Cause she don't wax her chin.

( laughter )

You are not putting
brown pebble linoleum

in my grey and mauve
new nouveau riche condo.

( laughter )

Your condo?

Whose dollar a month social
security is paying the mortgage?

Could you puke from this?

Oh, and this is hip.

( laughter )

Well, at least mine
is more appetizing.

Yeah, you need more appetite.

( laughter )

Well, excuse me, Ma,

but Dr. Ortenberg says that
I have a sluggish metabolism.

And I have to eat or I will die.

( laughter )

And if that happens,
I will put in my will

that you are not putting

( yelling ) this brown
pebble fakakta in my condo.

( laughter )

Oh, Val.

Val, I can't,
can't tell her not to move.

Look how happy she is.

( laughter )

Miss Fine? I've got
a wonderful surprise for you.

The entire family's going
to Florida for the weekend.

Florida sucks.

( laughter )

Miss Fine, do you really think that
sundae can replace your mother's love?

No.

Now it can.

( laughter )

Miss Fine, you've got to come to
grips with your mother moving.

Well, I'm trying to, but every time I turn
around something else reminds me of her.

( laughter )

Now, do I start yelling or will those
things disappear on their own?

( laughter )

She's just taking them out
for a spin.

Would you think of them
as training wheels?

( laughter )

Come here, sweetie.

( Crying )

Miss Fine, come with us.

It'll be fun. Look we're
traveling first class.

Think shrimp, free slippers.

We'll be staying
at the Fountain Blue

and your palatial suite
has its own Jacuzzi.

And a terrace?

( laughter )

Oh, I don't care. I'm not going.

Oh, Miss Fine, I understand.

But we'll be back Monday morning

after I finish judging
the Miss Universe contest.

Maybe it would be better for me
to be around people.

( laughter )

( music )

Hi.

Pretty girl, isn't she,
Miss Fine?

You know, her platform
is the environment.

You can tell she's had her
whole body reconstructed

from her country's
natural resources.

( laughter )

Little jealous,
are we, Miss Fine?

Please, I've had a glimpse
of a few of their mothers.

I know where they're headed.

( laughter )

Speaking of mothers, you're handling
your future separation well.

I'm very proud of you.

Oh, well, you know, this has
been a great diversion for me.

I mean, the plane, the shrimp,
watching Booty Call...

Hehe.

Thank you for taking me
on this trip.

I really haven't
even thought about Ma.

I'm always there for you,
Miss Fine.

I know you are,
and you're such a...

Oops, they need me
to take a picture with Miss USA.

( laughter )

Hi. Hello.

I am Alicia Machado.

Hi, from "Who's The Boss?"

No, that is Alyssa Milano,
but I get that all the time.

I'm Miss Universe, look at that.

( Applause )

Miss Universe...
( cries )

¿Qué pasa, chica?
Why are you crying?

I just saw a contestant
that reminded me of my mother.

Who?

Miss Hungary.

Oh, poor baby.

Tell me what interests you,
Miss USA?

You mean other
than handsome judges?

Oh... he he he.

Mr. Sheffield, I wanna go home. I
have to tell Ma that she can't move.

Oh, it sounds delicious.
Why don't you make reservations?

( laughter )

Excuse me, I just want to say what a
wonderful job your judges are doing.

Especially that one over there.

You know, his cousin's
a little nervous

so he's giving her a few tips
on how to win this thing.

His cousin?

What on earth would make them
think I was related to Miss USA?

She's bloody Hawaiian,
for God's sake.

Well, maybe it's a blessing in disguise,
I mean, the British aren't exactly known

for picking the most attractive
people to wear a crown.

Miss Fine,

I haven't seen Grace's new figure
since we left Disneyworld.

What happened?

Space Mountain.

They blew off
into a galaxy far, far away.

So, Brighton,
am I going the right way?

Yeah, just make
a left at that old lady.

We're in Florida, which one?

You know, I don't ever remember taking
this long to get to the airport.

Or maybe I'm just anxious
to get home and talk to Ma.

Miss Fine, I have
a little confession to make.

Dad, I thought we were going
to Sylvia's condo.

( Gasps )
Stop the car! Stop the car!

Miss Fine!
Do you want us all to die?

When in Boca...

I just thought
if you actually saw

your mother's condo
and the beautiful lifestyle

she's going to have,
you might be happy for her.

Wouldn't you think...?

Do you ever think some good might
come of your mother moving away?

Mr. Sheffield,
I've been so lost since Ma left.

Really?

I feel wonderful.

( laughter )

I don't know
what it is, Miss Fine,

but I feel so much closer
to you since Sylvia left.

Sylvia who?

( laughter )

Miss Fine, I'm not sure how much longer
I can control my feelings for you.

Well, wait or seconds
and let it rip.

( laughter )

I gave Niles the day off...

Mr. Sheffield...

Where are the children?

I should know that, shouldn't I?

School,
they're in school till : .

So there's nothing to stop us.

I mean, your mother's isn't
going to be dropping by, is she?

Uh-uh.

♪ Mom's moving to Boca,
mom's moving to Boca ♪

♪ Mom's moving to Boca. ♪

You know, according to the map,
we should be there by now.

There are no condos around here.

This is a complete
and total swamp.

Oh, no, oh, my God. Oh, no.

Miss Fine, I think your
mother's been taken for a ride.

No, no, no, you know what?

We'll get her deposit back

and, as soon as possible,
she'll put another down payment

on a condo in Boca,
as soon as possible.

Did I say that twice?

I'm carsick. I think
I'm gonna throw up.

( Crying )
Me first...

( laughter )

Miss Fine, your mother's
not moving to Boca,

so why the sundae?

My mother's not moving to Boca.

Miss Fine, where's Niles?
Did I give him the day off?

Guess so.

Where are the children?

I should know that, shouldn't I?

This is delicious.
Here, you wanna try some?

Yeah... Mmm.

Good, huh?

Oh, boy, a little chocolate
and a little mouthy.

Ugh, I have been tasting Kung
Pao Beef for two days now.

( laughter )

Oh, oh, mm...

almost there. Oh,

yes, yes! Yes!

Just give me
minutes to recover

and then I'll open up
the apple sauce.

( laughter )

Yeah.

( Applause )