01x13 - Maggie the Model

[bunniefuu]

Don't touch me.
I'm not touching you.

Fran!
I'm not touching her.

Well, maybe I should
play the game, too.

I'm not touching you.
Oops. Ow!

Well, guess I'm not as good
at this game as you are.

Hello, everyone.

Hello.
Hello.

Brighton, that's amazing.
Can you imitate Niles, too?

Daddy, Brighton's not
touching me again.

Brighton, I've told you before
not to not touch your sister.

Now go upstairs, both of you.
Get ready for dinner.

Put on something nice.

Oh, you're taking
the kids out to dinner?

Where're we going?
I'm gonna need at least an hour.

Actually, we're eating in.
Oh, well, than I'm gorgeous.

Good. Because Chloe Simpson's
coming to supper.

Chloe Simpson, the model? Seventeen
Magazine? Dippy-Do? Oh, my God!

Look at me, I'm a schlub.

Miss Fine,
she's just a person.

No, you're just a person.
I'm just a person.

She's the Psst Girl.

I beg your pardon?

Don't you remember
Psst dry Shampoo,

when your hair was too greasy,
but you didn't wanna wash it,

so you'd spray in some Psst
and it would be great for weeks.

What, did you sleep through
the sixties?

No, actually I bathed.

Oh, Niles, there you are, good.
We have a dinner guest arriving
in half-an-hour.

Half-an-hour? What, did your finger
break? You couldn't have called?

Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart,
I got held up in a meeting, I...

What am I saying?

Niles, we'll have the Chateaubriand,
the asparagus Hollandaise.

Get a couple of bottles of the
Rothchild out of the cellar

and, oh yes, your hazel nut souffles.
Straight away, sir.

Well, you're taking this a lot better
than I am. How do you do it?

Oh, please, Miss Fine,
I'm a trained professional.

I have thirty years experience.

Why is it whenever someone important is
coming over your hair never comes out big enough?

Oh yes, I've been there.

Oh, can you believe Chloe Simpson
is coming to my mansion?

That's who I'm making dinner for?
Uh-huh.

Madame Psst?

Why did I cook the meat?
Why not throw it to her raw?

Niles, I'm sensing some
hostility here. Now dish.

Divulge the details of their
torrid love affair

which ended with Mister Sheffield's heart,
still b*ating being torn from his chest?

No, I couldn't.

Oh, yeah, you know,
it's best left unsaid.

Now don't tell me more.

Not, not if you tortured me

would I reveal the way he kept going back
to her for more like a moth to a flame.

An incredibly stupid moth.

Oh, it's just like Liz and d*ck.

On again, off again.
On again, off again.

Dead. Hmm...

Niles, you gonna get that?

Maybe if we're very still
she'll go away.

Oh, Niles, this over protective
thing is adorable,

if not a little sick, but meanwhile
I'm dying to meet her.

Hmm...

Oh, Chloe Simpson, are you gorgeous?
Can I take a picture of you?

Honey, come on in. Don't just
stand there. Step, step.

Chloe...
Oh, you feel familiar.

Oh, Maxwell,
don't you look smashing.

You're still not a bad
looking bird yourself.

How long has it been?
Oh, twenty years.

Well, moving on.

Oh, who could ever forget those three
glorious weeks we spent in Cornwell?

We were never in Cornwell.

Devon?
No.

The cozy little room with the fireplace
and the four poster bed?

No, not me.
Well, I had a good time.

We were in Luxembourg.
I remember it well.

Who's this? Hmm? Oh, oh, yes.

These are my children...
Uh... Oh...

She's back.

Brighton, Grace and Maggie.
Oh.

Hi.

You are beautiful.

Oh, stop.

Have you ever
considered modeling?

Well, actually, I did complete two
years at the Barbizon School.

Uh, Miss Fine, I think she's
talking to Margaret.

Oh, well, that's a natural...

Chloe Simpson;
how do you do, darling?

Chloe Simpson.
Like the modeling agency?

That's right. And I'm always
looking for new faces.

Well, if she finds one,
she'll give you a call.

Darling, be nice to your sister.
Hmm? Okay.

You know, not to gush, but you
were my idol. Oh...

This woman dated the Beatles!
All of them. Not Ringo.

Oh, well, honey, who could
blame you? I mean,

with all his money why he never
fixed that schnooz.

Streisand I understand,
she needs it to sing.

Maxwell, what an aqueous nanny
you have. Oh, thank you.

I try to get to the gym
at least once a week.

Niles, will supper be long?
Interminable, sir.

C.C., I've decided to hold the backers
auditions in Southampton this weekend.

Four hours on the Long Island
Expressway? I would rather die.

Well, not to worry. I've asked
Chloe to come with me.

Oh, oh, Southampton?
Oh, marvelous! All right!

Oh, I won't hear of it. No, Chloe
knows lots of people there,
so I'm letting you off the hook.

I don't wanna be let off the hook.
She wants her hooks in.

It's just that if you're
having a business meeting,

you'd think you'd wanna take
your business partner.

Yes, you'd think, wouldn't you?

Niles, that'll be all.
Hm-hmm.

Oh, C.C., don't be jealous.

Look, Chloe and I might want to take
a little walk down memory lane,

but you and I will always
be business partners.

Groovy.

Can I come in?

Miss Fine, come on down.

Have you been to the Hamptons?
I hear everyone's going.

Excuse me. Do you need a Pamprin?

No!

You sure?

All right. Must be a full moon.

Meanwhile, the cookie jar's empty
and Gracie needs tights.

Really? What color?

Oh, she needs a forest green and
a navy... What do you care?

I'm interested in anyone who
isn't Chloe Simpson.

Oh, doesn't she look fabulous!

Oh, why weren't you there last night?
How come you didn't invite her?

Oh, I could have had a V-Eight.

Hello...

Oh, hello, Chloe.

Hello, Chloe.

You know, your face could
freeze like that.

Oh, well, this is all
a bit sudden I...

well, I, I really don't
know what to think.

Maybe she proposed.

Where would that leave you?

Same place, really.

Let, let, let me think about it.

I'll call you back. Bye.

No, no. you hang up first....

No, you...

Well, I know I'm
a little nauseous.

Chloe, I'm not hanging up.

Oh, were you through?
Apparently.

Well, Chloe has set up a test
for Maggie with a photographer.

She thinks Maggie could be
a top model. Really?!

Oh, now she's pretending to be
interested in the children.

That woman is so transparent.

Yeah, but what a piece of glass.

Oh, I can't wait to tell Maggie.

Miss, Miss Fine, Miss Fine,
I haven't said yes yet.

Yeah. But you're going to.
Thank God my father didn't stop me

when the Barbizon scout picked me
out of a crowd at Woolworths.

And you know, they don't take
just anybody's money.

Sorry. I, I tried to follow you.

Oh, Maggie, Chloe Simpson just called.
She wants to set up a modeling test for you.

Oh, I can't believe it!
We're gonna be a model!

Oh, I'm gonna go
call all my friends.

Oh... You made the right decision.

When, when exactly did I do that?

Oh, would you just trust me?

It'll be great for her,
and she's got nothing to lose.

Miss Fine, tell me, why didn't you
pursue a career in modeling?

Oh, they all expect you
to sleep around.

Oh, Fran, I think
I sprained my cheek.

Now you should have
warmed up first.

Oh, Mags, I'm so excited for you.

'Cause you know
I used to be a model.

Oh, really? What did you model?
Feet.

All the Fines have
fabulous feet.

There's not a corn, bunion
or fungus among us.

Oh, Fran, I'm so nervous.

I mean, what if
I'm not good at this?

Then I win twenty bucks.
Gracie has a lot of faith in you.

Where did you get
twenty bucks from, miss?

I won it when Maggie didn't
make cheerleader.

I don't know what
I was thinking.

Oh, forget them. Come on, here's
the most important thing.

You have to look subtle, natural
and understated. Like this.

Well, that doesn't
look very natural.

Yeah, but look at my feet.

Oh, they still have
so much left to say.

Fran, you're so great
to do this for me.

Oh, sweetheart, we're
just getting started.

I have so much wisdom to impart.

Like how to purse your lips to
get that little pouty look.

How to smell cauliflower, you know,
for that "who cares about you" look.

And then the best look of all.

What's that for?

That's for when they give you
the check for the other two looks.

Ah, just the woman
I've been looking for.

Oh, I didn't do it.
Niles left it on.

What? Nothing.

Ahh. I meant Maggie. Hello,
sweetheart. Hello, Daddy.

Fern?
Fran.

Are you sure?
I'm almost positive.

How's my bright new star?
Oh, fabulous.

I've been giving her tips all afternoon,
and later I'm gonna take her upstairs,

show her how to do her hair, make-up.
No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No! My stylist is waiting for us
at Barney's Designer Floor right now.

Come on, sweetheart,
I'll get your coat.

Oh, Daddy, I can't believe it.
This is so exciting.

And I know just who to thank
for it. Oh...

Chloe! My pleasure, darling.

I'll take it from here.

Yeah. And I could tell you
just where to put it, too.

I mean, who does that Chloe
Simpson think she is?

The nerve of that woman trespassing
on my field of expertise.

And, uh, what exactly
would that be?

Glamour!

This reminds me of that
movie The Turning Point.

Except they were dancers, and one
was a mother, and they were old friends.

I should really rent that again.

I haven't seen Maxwell
in three days.

I don't know why I bother
coming over anymore...

Aren't you gonna say
anything obnoxious?

I wouldn't kick
a dog when she's down.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

I am perfectly fine.

He's taking her to Southampton
instead of me! Oh, honey...

It's just a business trip.

Now how many times have you gone
away with him and gotten nowhere.

Here. Here.

Just plain tomato juice?
Don't you have anything hard?

Not for you.

Look what the years have
done to that Chloe.

Absolutely nothing.
Oh...I hate her.

Do you think she's had...
Asians?

I don't know.
She's had everybody else.

No. Surgery.

Oh, honey, please. They did
less work on Mount Rushmore.

Um, excuse me, nanny person.

Please, please, stand over here.
I can't see over your hair.

Oh, thanks, Pepe.

No, no, no.
It's Pep-Pay. Okay?

Oh, let me guess.
Arnold. Right?

No. Bernie.

Oh... Well, Bernie, now that
we understand each other,

I think you went a little
O.D.'d with that blush there.

Oh, so now the nanny's an expert.
I used to be a model.

And what happened?
You shrinked in the dryer?

Putz.

Oh my God, you turned out just perfect.
I wish I could just sign you.

Maggie, you look gorgeous.
Doesn't she?

Oh, Chloe,
I just love my outfit.

Oh, I'm sure, darling. It's a
twenty-five hundred dollar Gautier.

Oh, I hope you got the receipt.
Eighty-nine-ninety-five at Loehmans.

Oh, knock 'em dead, Mags.
You look gorgeous.

Hello, Maggie. This is Carlo.

You like?

Okay, darling, make love
to the camera.

Hey, wa-la! That's it.
That's beautiful.

Yes. I am such a turn-on.

Now dance for me! Dance!
Dance! Yes!

Wait, Carlo. She's only fifteen.

Who is giving me a wedgie
I don't like so much?

I'm her nanny.
Plus I used to model.

What? Feet?

Euro-trash.

Maggie, you rest.
We reload the camera. Okay?

Carlo, what do you think?

Oh, how do you say...

She stink.

Take a few more rolls, would you?
I mean, just make a fuss.
You know what to do.

I'm an artist. You think I just
point the camera and take a picture?

If you want to get paid.

Maggie, love to love you, baby.

Oh yes, I'll probably have to go off
to Milan for the fall fashion shows...

School? Oh, Chloe says
I might have to get a tutor.

Yeah, 'cause you know I'll probably
have a lot of location sh**t....

Oh, Chloe is so cool.

No, she's not a phony at all!

Rotten one.

Okay. Ciao, darling. Yeah,
I'll talk to you later.

Fran, do you know yoga?

The bear? Oh, that's Yogi.

'Cause Chloe says it's the best
way to keep your energy up.

Oh. Um, listen, Mags, aren't you getting
just like a little ahead of yourself.

What do you mean?

Well, I mean, shouldn't we just wait
and see how the pictures come out first

before we start planning big trips
to Milan and everything?

Well, Chloe says that I'm...
Yeah, I know what Chloe says.

But can't we just cross that
bitch when we get to it?

Excuse me?

That's an expression.
Bridge, crossing it.

I'm only saying that not every beautiful
girl has to be a model.

I mean, you could be a gorgeous astronaut.
A, a leggy lawyer. Grape?

You know what I think?
What?

I think you're jealous.
What?

Because I'm living out
my dreams and you're not!

Oh, Maggie...

It's all right, Niles, I'll get it.
It's probably Chloe.

Don't trip over your
hormones, sir.

Niles, I'm perfectly
in control of my hormones.

Chloe, let me take
your dress, uh, coat.

Oh, smooth operator, sir.

I'll be with you
in a minute, darling.

Me jealous of that fake? That phony?
That... Oh honey, hi.

Hello, Fern. Darling, I've got
the photographs. Let's sit down.

Oh, how did they turn out?
Not good.

Well, see here...
Oh...

You were just a little bit stiff,
and the eyes are just a little bit dead.

So what are you saying?
Oh, what am I trying to say?

That you're vacant, lifeless...

I stink?
Bingo!

I just can't believe this.
Oh, she's so sensitive.

I can't believe I used
to idolize you.

You are the most insensitive,
self-centered woman I've ever met.

Oh, you've got great feet.
You think? You know I used to...

Whoa, what am I doing?
You're sucking me in again.

Get back. A woman needs
garlic around you.

Love to stay and chat,
but I've got a plane to catch.

A plane? Where are you going?
Paris.

You're supposed to be going to
Southampton with Mister Sheffield.

Oh, dash it all, I completely forgot.
I should have put that in my book.

Yeah, well, he's counting on you.
Oh, nonsense. He knows me better than that.

Twenty years ago I left him a total
wreck. I can't believe he forgave me.

I would never have forgiven me.
Oh, perhaps I would. I am endearing.

Oh, if I didn't just
get my nails done.

But you know this time
I should say goodbye.

I have grown. Where is Maxwell?
No. No, no, no, no, no, no.

No? With your light touch,
I'll tell him.

Oh, what a dear.

Well have a nice trip.

Oh...

Well, you've still got it.

You knew all along, didn't you?

Oh, honey, don't listen
to that witch.

You have so much more
going for you.

Her whole life is about her beauty.
Is that what you want? At her age?

Jetsetting around the world going
from party to party,

one gorgeous man after the other.

I mean, to me it's
not a bad life.

Wait, I'm, I'm losing my whole
point here. What...

Oh, Fran, I'm so sorry for
what I said to you.

Sweetie, you weren't so far off.

I was jealous.
But not of you. Never.

I just thought that you liked
Chloe better than me.

Fran, no way.
You're my best friend.

Oh, really? I don't know,
maybe I overreacted.

I'm just not used to rejection.

It's hard. Yes, I know,
angel, and I'm sorry.

Well, I hope I've packed enough.

I wonder what the weather's
like in the Hamptons?

Very cold.

Margaret, sweetheart,
what's the matter?

Oh, the pictures stink.
I stink.

Oh, I'm sure they don't stink...

Well, pictures don't matter,
sweetheart.

If you want the world to see
how beautiful you are,

you only have to step out into
it, and they'll see.

And if they're really lucky,
like me,

they'll get to see how lovely
you are on the inside, too.

Oh, Daddy...
Oh, Mister Sheffield...

Oh, I've had a lot of disappointments
in my life, but I haven't let them stop me.

It's made me stronger.
I'll be all right.

Oh, I can't stand
to see her heart broken.

Maybe I'll have a word with Chloe
when we get to Southampton.

Uh, Mister Sheffield, maybe
you ought to have a seat,

because in a couple of minutes,
oy, are you gonna be strong.

Make-up.

Not too much, Pepe,
they'll look cheap.

Now happy feet.
Yes, now sad feet.

Oh, your feet,
they have such soul.

Now sexy feet. Sexy...
Oh, yes, I like.

Not that angle.
They don't wanna look fat.