♪ Here's the story ♪
♪ Of a lovely lady ♪
♪ Who was bringing up
three very lovely girls ♪
♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪
♪ Like their mother ♪
♪ The youngest one in curls ♪
♪ It's the story of
a man named brady ♪
♪ Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
♪ They were four men
living all together ♪
♪ Yet they were all alone ♪
♪ Till the one day when
the lady met this fellow ♪
♪ And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪
♪ That this group must
somehow form a family ♪
♪ That's the way we all
became the brady bunch ♪
♪ The brady bunch ♪
♪ The brady bunch ♪
♪ That's the way we
became the brady bunch ♪
[Birds chirping]
Come on, cindy.
Couldn't I stay out
here for 3 days?
Oh, stop stalling.
Mom, can't we make a deal?
Listen, I'm not monty hall.
Besides, making a deal is what
got us into all this trouble.
Now, come on.
Sure you wouldn't
like me to mow the lawn?
No.
Wash the car?
No. I want you to march
straight in that house
And tell your
father what you did.
How about if I phone it to him,
Like, from florida?
Come on, cindy.
How can a little kid like
me have such a big mouth?
Good question.
Hi, honey.
Oh, hi. Well, how was
the meeting at school?
Uh, cindy, why don't you tell
your father how the meeting was?
Dad, I've got great news.
Great?
Well, that's better than
saying it's awful news.
Uh-oh. Come on, what is it?
Well, see, it's about my
teacher, mrs. Whitfield.
And you see, she's retiring,
and everybody loves her so much
That they all want to
buy her a special gift.
Well, that's very nice of
everybody. What's the gift?
Well, it's something mrs.
Whitfield's always wanted.
A set of first edition
books that cost $200.
How much of my
money did you pledge?
Not a cent. Isn't that terrific?
Uh, yes. Now tell him
the not-so-terrific part.
Well, I had an idea
how to raise the $200.
Go ahead and tell
him what the idea is.
By putting on a play. Snow
white and the seven dwarfs.
Oh, I get it. And you told them
your father was an architect
And he'd build the sets
for you. Is that right?
Half right.
Is it the other half I
have to look out for?
Yeah, well, you see, it sort
of seems like you're in the play.
In the play?
It sort of seems like the
whole family's in the play.
[Sighing]
Dad, you've got a great part.
You're prince charming!
Oh, and guess who's snow white?
I don't have time
to be in a play.
Oh. Well, it's
just a little part.
I thought you said
it was a great part.
Well, it's a great little part.
Hey, where were you
when all this was goin' on?
Couldn't you stop her?
Well, I was right there, but when
she told everybody that we'd do it,
Well, they all stood
up and applauded
And they said they'd get a
theater, sell tickets, anything.
Well, how... How
could I back out?
(Cindy) daddy?
[Sighing]
[Chuckling]
Ok.
Oh, thank you.
Yes, but if you want your brothers
and sisters to be in this play
Now you're gonna have
to ask them for yourself.
Ok.
Me? Play one of the 7 dwarfs?
You like mrs.
Whitfield, don't you?
Sure, she was my
favorite teacher.
She was marcia's
favorite teacher, too.
I think she was even
mom's favorite teacher.
Boy, she's been teaching
since the olden days.
You better not say
that around mom.
Well, will you help
me with the play?
Sure, if I can be dopey.
Well, you can't
be dopey. Why not?
I'm saving that part
for someone special.
Who? Me.
[Knocking on door] come in.
Marcia, how would...
Sure, cindy, anything for
good old mrs. Whitfield.
Oh, thanks!
Except I wanna play
dopey instead of you.
How'd you know I
wanted to play dopey?
Thin walls.
Come in.
Gee, greg,
This room in the
attic sure is neat!
I love the way you've fixed
it up. And alice will love...
Cindy, you don't
have to butter me up.
I'll be glad to help
out mrs. Whitfield.
Thanks.
But I want to play
dopey instead of you.
How'd you know I
wanted to play dopey?
Thin floors.
Sure, cindy, anything
for mrs. Whitfield.
As long as I get to play dopey.
That goes for me, too.
But I want to play dopey.
Well, you can't be dopey,
I want to... Yeah, I can.
Snow white and the 7 dopeys?
Alice,
How would you like a nice,
big, juicy part in my play?
Oh, I'd love to!
Can I play dopey?
That part's already taken.
6 Times.
What do you got left?
How about the wicked queen?
You got yourself a deal.
If I can't be a wacky
dwarf, I'll be a wicked queen.
[Cackling]
That was good.
Thanks, alice.
Ok, kids.
In this hat are the
names of the 7 dwarfs,
And what you pick
is what you get.
[Children chattering]
Ok, hold it. Now, you
heard your mother.
Hey!
Pick.
Oh. Ok, you first.
Grumpy.
[Laughing]
Uh, duh...
Bashful.
Aha.
Sleepy.
[Bobby laughing]
Be there, dopey baby.
Doc.
Aha!
Come on.
Happy.
Oh. Keep smiling.
I'm 7 and a quarter.
Quit clowning and
pick a name there.
(Jan) if pete's the only one
left, he has to be dopey.
Wait a minute,
there are 7 dwarfs,
And there are only 6 of us,
So there's still 2
slips of paper left.
Hey, greg's right.
We're short one child.
If that's a hint,
forget about it.
[All laughing]
Well, I think we'll
be here all day.
Really.
Sneezy.
[All laughing]
Hey, we still need
somebody to play dopey.
We can't do snow
white and the 6 dwarfs.
We'll just have to find
an outsider to play dopey.
Hi, alice. I brought your order.
Sam, have I got a part for you.
Hmm?
Welcome to show business.
[Hammering]
Hi, dad.
Hey, boys.
How's this for a tree? Hey-hey.
Well, that looks pretty good.
Of course, if you
want an expert opinion,
You have to talk to
the 3 poodles next door.
[Laughing]
Oh.
[All laughing]
Hi, honey? Hi, sweetheart.
How's the costume
department coming along?
Oh, not too bad.
I'm just reinforcing the
seat of sneezy's pants
So they won't split
when he sneezes.
[Laughing fiendishly]
"Mirror, mirror that I see,
"Is there anyone
Prettier than me?"
[Cackling]
How's that?
Wicked, alice, wicked.
"Mirror, mirror in my..."
Soup?
Well, is everybody
ready for rehearsal?
Just waiting for
you, prince charming,
And about a half a dozen dwarfs.
[Phone ringing]
Hello.
Yes, if you'll hang
on just a second
I'll let you speak to the lady
who's handling the arrangements.
Cindy, it's mr. Gunther.
The gentleman with the theater.
Hi, mr. Gunther.
Yeah, that's right.
This saturday.
But that's when it is.
But, mr. Gunther, they
printed tickets already.
And... No.
I guess it's not your fault.
Bye.
What's the matter?
I thought I told
him this saturday,
But I guess I made a mistake.
We can't have the
theater. It's rented.
Oh, cindy.
I already told mrs. Whitfield
about the big day for her.
And we ordered
the books already.
And now it's ruined,
and it's all my fault.
Cindy?
Hey.
You know, I never
thought you were a quitter.
Who's a quitter?
Well, it looks like you are.
You know, you accepted
a big responsibility
And now you're just dropping it.
But there's no place
to put the play on.
What can I do?
[Sighing]
Listen, I'm not sure
what you can do,
But we could all put
our heads together
And try to think of something.
Maybe we could do it
with one big head, huh?
Well, we just might.
No problem was ever solved
by crawling into a hole.
Then I guess I'd
better crawl out, huh?
That'd be a good start.
Now, come on, grumpy.
We need a theater
next saturday, mr. Fisk.
How much?
Oh. Well, look, it's
sort of for charity.
I see.
You already gave at the office.
Well, thanks, anyway.
Hello? Oh, hi, sam.
Hey, alice. I had an idea
about a theater for you.
You did?
(Sam) yep. I-it's a place
you can use for free.
Sounds like our kind
of place. Where is it?
Well, it's not
exactly a theater.
It's more like a warehouse.
Any port in a storm, sam.
Well, there's just one thing you
got to do before you can use it.
What's that?
You gotta wait for the
temperature to go up 80 degrees
And then move all the frozen
carcasses out of the meat locker.
Thanks, anyway, sam.
Uh, but keep trying.
Carol?
What is it, honey?
I think I have figured out
where we can put on the play.
Oh, mike, that's terrific.
You know, I know now
why I married you. Mmm?
You are a genius. Where?
Right in the backyard.
Look, this arbor with a little
extension would make a great stage
And there's enough room
for an audience there.
Oh, that is terrific, mike.
You know, you're not just an
ordinary run-of-the-mill genius.
You are super gene!
Yeah. I don't know whether I would have
said that or not, but I'm glad you did.
Good night. I'm going to bed
now. My head's tired of thinking.
Honey, you don't
have to think anymore.
Your dad has solved
the whole problem.
We can put on the play.
Where? Right in the backyard.
There's enough room for
a stage and an audience.
Oh, dad, you're a genius.
Yeah, well, that seems to be
The general
consensus around here.
Well, listen, we've
got a lot of work to do.
So you better get
a good night's sleep.
Who can sleep now?
I'll tell the others.
Boy, you know, there
is a lot of work to do.
I got to clean out the backyard,
Haul in the chairs, build
that stage extension,
Rig a p.a. System,
and finish the sets.
Well, mike, look
on the bright side.
You got a whole day
and a half to do it in.
Besides, you're a
genius, remember?
True.
Have we got enough bed sheets
here for the stage curtains?
Uh, no, I think we
need one more.
Ok. Well, I'll go
and get it. Ok.
[Shrieks]
Oh.
[Sighing]
I hope I do better
in the show business
Than I've done in
the sew business.
(Mike) ok, here we go.
[Sawing]
Come on with that
thing, would you?
Take it away.
How about a
cooling-off break, men?
Thanks.
Great. Thanks, alice. Here.
Thanks, alice.
Oh, that stage looks
great already, mr. Brady.
Alice, you ain't
seen nothing yet.
[Chuckling]
You counting the house, honey?
I'm counting the house
and my pulse. Huh?
You know, I've got
opening day jitters.
Oh, relax, snow white,
you're going to be a smash.
Besides, what can go wrong now?
(Alice) mr. Brady.
Mr. Brady! Mr. Brady.
I had to ask.
I made the most terrible goof.
What is it, alice?
When I was rehearsing
this morning
I ate the most important
prop in the play,
My poisoned apple.
The one that I have
to give to snow white.
But we had a whole
bag of apples.
I know, but I
rehearsed an awful lot.
You don't suppose the audience
would settle for a poisoned banana?
No, alice, I don't. Look,
there's plenty of time left.
I'll go to the market.
Well, hurry, mike, hurry.
Yeah, right.
Duh, I remember
which way we live.
Sam? Duh, somebody call my name?
Is your truck parked
out front? Yeah. Why?
'Cause I need a lift to the
market, fast. Sure thing, mr. Brady.
[Tires screeching]
I'll only be a minute, sam.
I won't move an inch.
Move it.
Oh. Hi, officer.
You're parked in
a red zone, buddy.
Uh, yeah. Well, we'll
be right out in a jiffy.
You got your operator's license?
Yeah, I got it right
here somewhere.
Maybe you better step
out here and show it to me.
Oh, ok. Sure.
Anybody ever tell you your
mommy dresses you funny?
Hmm?
Oh.
Yeah, well, I'd better explain.
You see, I'm dopey.
I figured that out.
Hi, there, officer.
Who are you supposed to be?
I'm prince charming.
You got any
identification, prince,
Or did you leave
it at the palace?
Uh, I'm mike brady. They
know me in the market.
Oh, officer, we got to get
back with the poisoned apple.
Poison?
Yeah. It's for the wicked queen.
I can't wait to hear
the rest of this.
Well, see, we're
doin' a play, officer.
It's snow white and, uh... We
forgot the poisoned apple.
Yeah, I figured it was
some kind of costume thing.
Yeah, yeah. Ok, get going.
Oh, thank you.
Hey, by the way, uh,
In case my kids want to see the
show, what theater are you playing?
Oh, it isn't in a theater,
it's in my backyard.
Your backyard? Yeah.
You charge admission?
Oh, sure. Yeah. We're
trying to raise money.
I assume you've
got a city permit.
Permit?
You've got to have a permit.
Gee, we kind of
forgot the permit.
[People chattering]
The natives are
getting restless, mom.
Oh, I can't imagine
What's happened to
your father and sam.
We can't start without dopey.
He's in the first scene.
Oh. Get ready, everybody.
Well, what are we gonna do?
Oh, I don't know.
Just get ready.
I'll try to stall. I don't know.
[Sighs]
[People chattering]
Hello. Uh... [All clapping]
Uh, welcome.
Welcome to our show.
Uh, now, um, before
the curtain opens,
I... I would like you to,
uh, meet the celebrity
Who's responsible for
bringing all of us together.
She's everybody's
favorite teacher,
Mrs. Whitfield.
Now, uh,
I'd like to tell you just,
uh, a couple of more things
About, uh, [tires squealing]
About... Ah!
Hi, folks.
Funny thing happened to
me on the way to the market.
Thank goodness.
Oh, thank you all
for being so patient.
And now, we'd like to
give you our version
Of snow white and the 7 dwarfs.
♪ Heigh-ho, heigh-ho ♪
♪ It's home from work we go ♪
♪ [Dwarfs whistling]
♪ Heigh-ho ♪
♪ Heigh-ho, heigh-ho,
heigh-ho, heigh-ho ♪
♪ We're 7 in a row ♪
♪ [All whistling]
♪ Heigh-ho, heigh-ho ♪
What did you stop for, dopey?
Uh, I forgot which
way we live, doc.
We live that way.
We live that way.
[Sleepy yawning]
Couldn't we get going?
It's time for my nap.
I'm sleepy.
[Nasalized] well, I'm
catching a cold.
[Sneezing]
I know which way we live.
Which way, bashful?
I'm too bashful to tell you.
[Giggling]
Hey, I remember which way.
We follow the yellow brick road.
That's in the wizard of oz.
So don't follow the
yellow brick road.
(All) ♪ heigh-ho, heigh-ho ♪
♪ It's home from work we go ♪
Mirror, mirror that I see,
Is there anyone fairer than me?
And you know what your
answer had better be.
Ah, my fair queen.
That's better.
Speak.
(Mike) ah, my queen,
Snow white is far
out and youthful,
More beautiful than you.
Huh?
I gotta be truthful.
Snow white.
Who is snow white?
Where is snow white?
♪ [Singing operatically]
[Audience applauding]
Did somebody drop
the name snow white?
Is that her? The
freaky-lookin' kid?
You bet your nylon wig.
Ain't she outta sight?
Bite your tongue, mirror.
My goodness, what a
strange mirror you have.
[Laughing]
Did you wish to see me,
your royal wickedness?
Yes, ugly child.
Come. Let us take a little
stroll through the woods.
The woods?
Don't wild, hungry
animals live in the woods?
I certainly hope so.
[Cackling]
♪ [Singing operatically]
[Children growling]
Oh, listen to all those
wild, hungry animals.
[All howling]
Yeah.
[Cackling]
I just remembered I
forgot something.
I'll be back later.
Oh, no!
Oh, your wickedness,
don't leave me alone.
I'm afraid.
[Howling]
[Growling]
[Grunts]
[Barks]
Here.
Eat this while I'm gone.
It will calm you down.
Way down.
Oh, you are so kind.
Let me be among the first to say
Good-bye, snow white.
[Cackling]
Isn't she sweet?
[Screaming]
(Dwarfs) ♪ heigh-ho, heigh-ho ♪
♪ It's home from work we go ♪
♪ [Dwarfs whistling]
♪ Heigh-ho, heigh-ho,
heigh-ho, heigh-ho, heigh-ho ♪
Would you stop
doin' that, dopey?
Duh, but look, doc.
[Exclaiming]
[Sneezing]
[All chattering]
What's the matter with her, doc?
Either my stethoscope
just stopped working
Or she has.
[Yawning]
[Giggling]
Nope.
I'm afraid she's pfft!
[Sleepy exclaiming]
Duh, "pfft?"
Pfft!
Oh. Poor lady.
[Giggling]
It's so sad, I could cry.
[Audience applauding]
[Exclaiming]
Hi, there.
I was just passing through,
and I saw your group.
I thought it was a luau.
Oh!
What a vision of loveliness!
Is this damsel in distress?
[Yawning]
The worst kind.
She's... Pfft!
Pfft?
Pfft!
Oh, it's the most beautiful
face I have ever seen.
I will kiss her.
As a doctor, I can assure
you that will do no good.
It couldn't hurt.
[Whispering] I can't reach you.
More.
Oh! I must have dozed off.
Who are you?
I am prince charming.
Oh. Was that you that
kissed me, or your horse?
Huh?
Just answer with a "yay" or a
[Neighing] nay.
[Laughing]
(All) aw.
Somebody give her
another bite of that apple.
Oh, no, this lady
shall come with me
To my palace and be my princess.
Oh! You know, I
think I'd better walk.
I don't believe there's
room for me in your horse.
[Laughing]
♪ [Singing operatically]
[Audience applauding]
I love happy endings.
I hate happy endings.
♪ Heigh-ho, heigh-ho ♪
♪ To make your troubles go ♪
♪ Just keep on singing
all day long with a heigh ♪
♪ Heigh-ho, heigh-ho,
heigh-ho, heigh-ho ♪
♪ For if you're feeling low ♪
♪ You positively can't
go wrong with a heigh ♪
♪ Heigh-ho, heigh-ho,
heigh-ho, heigh-ho ♪
♪ To make your troubles go ♪
♪ Just keep on
singing all day long ♪
♪ With a heigh, heigh-ho
heigh-ho, heigh-ho ♪
[All cheering]
[Audience applauding]
♪ You positively can't
go wrong with a heigh ♪
♪ Heigh-ho, heigh-ho,
heigh-ho, heigh-ho ♪
♪ To make your troubles go ♪
♪ Just keep on singing
all day long with a heigh ♪
♪ Heigh-ho, heigh-ho,
heigh-ho, heigh-ho ♪
I sure am a sucker
for a happy ending.
Ditto. And mrs. Whitfield
sure did appreciate
The play and the books
and everything, didn't she?
I was thinking more
along the lines
Of prince charming
marrying snow white.
Are you hinting, alice?
Who, me?
Oh, it's ok. I'm a fella
who can take a hint.
Uh, let me put it this way.
Yes?
When you get to be snow white
And I get to be prince
charming, I'll consider it.
Sounds fair.
Hmm.