♪ Here's the story ♪
♪ Of a lovely lady ♪
♪ Who was bringing up
three very lovely girls ♪
♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪
♪ Like their mother ♪
♪ The youngest one in curls ♪
♪ It's the story of
a man named brady ♪
♪ Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
♪ They were four men
living all together ♪
♪ Yet they were all alone ♪
♪ Till the one day when
the lady met this fellow ♪
♪ And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪
♪ That this group must
somehow form a family ♪
♪ That's the way we all
became the brady bunch ♪
♪ The brady bunch ♪
♪ The brady bunch ♪
♪ That's the way we
became the brady bunch ♪
You're sure that's
greg brady's sister?
Positive.
Good-looking chick, huh?
Yeah, it's too bad she
goes to the wrong school.
Huh, really.
Well, here goes.
Uh, hey, romeo,
Let's not let her good
looks fake you out now.
Hey, no way.
You know my heart
belongs to fairview high.
Hi.
Hi.
Mind if I give you a hand?
Hey, you're from fairview.
Yeah. I guess I'm the
last guy in the world
That should be puttin'
up a sign like this.
Then why are you?
Some things are just more
important than school rivalry.
Like your name, for instance.
Marcia brady.
Jerry rogers.
Hey, you're the quarterback
for the fairview team.
I'm afraid so, yeah.
Wow, what a coincidence.
My brother greg plays
halfback for westdale.
No kidding?
We knocked heads
in last year's game.
Well, I guess I'd
better be getting
The rest of these
posters put up.
[Sighing]
No, I guess we'd
better be getting
The rest of these
posters put up.
But you're the enemy.
A friendly enemy.
Success.
That gal doesn't know it,
But she's gonna help her brother
blow the league championship
To us.
If the ball carrier's
headin' straight at you,
Always keep your
eye on his belt buckle.
Why? 'Cause that's where
his center of gravity is.
If you're watchin' his feet or his
head, he'll fake you out every time.
Let's try it again. Yeah.
Ok, you ready? Yeah.
[Birds chirping]
(Bobby) hey, we're
really gettin' good.
(Peter) clobbering him.
What's the matter, greg?
Marcia's gotta be kidding.
(Bobby) who is he?
A fink.
How do you know?
He's wearing a fairview sweater.
Hi, greg.
Thank you for letting
me take you home.
Thank you for helping
me with the signs.
Can I see you again?
Sure.
Great.
I'll keep in touch.
[Sighing]
I assume you know who he is.
Mm-hmm, jerry rogers.
Quarterback and dreamy.
Dreamy?
I may even let him take me out.
Marcia, are you kidding?
Jerry is the opposition.
Well, he may be your opposition,
[Sighing] but he's
certainly not mine.
[Knock on door]
(Marcia) come in. I'm in.
Hey, those belong to me.
You mean, they
did belong to you.
But I'm supposed to finish
putting them up tomorrow.
We don't need any
help from a traitor.
Traitor?
I'm as loyal to
westdale as anybody.
You mean loyal to jerry rogers.
That's ridiculous.
Besides, you don't
even go to westdale yet.
I will next year.
And when westdale finds
out my sister's a double agent,
They might not even let me in.
You're impossible.
Peter.
You should be ashamed of
yourself calling marcia a traitor.
You really hurt her feelings.
It serves her right for
liking a fairview freak.
Jerry doesn't sound
like a freak to me.
Anyone that goes
to fairview's a freak,
Especially right
before the big game.
How can you possibly compare
a football game to a romance?
You can't. Football's important.
For your information,
A football game
only lasts 60 minutes.
But a romance can
last a whole month.
At least.
Hi, alice. Hi, honey.
Hi, honey. Hi.
[Phone ringing] uh-oh, remind me
we have some unfinished kissing.
Hello.
Yes, this is the
brady residence.
You want to speak to whom?
Twinkles?
[Laughing]
I'm sorry, there's
no twinkles here.
Ah, but yes, there is.
Hello.
t*nk?
What a surprise.
Yes, I'll have to thank ethel
for telling you where to find me.
Twinkles?
t*nk?
Of course, I want to see you.
Yes.
Tomorrow at 7:00
would be perfect.
You've got yourself a date.
Bye, t*nk.
How about that?
Yeah, how about what?
t*nk gates.
He's coming to dinner tomorrow.
What is a t*nk gates?
Only the best athlete that
westdale high ever produced.
Football, basketball, baseball,
track, everything. You name it.
His muscles had muscles.
Yeah, I know the type.
You feed him a stalk of bananas and
let him swing from the trees out back.
Right, alice? I
might swing with him.
Imagine, hearing from t*nk
gates after all these years.
Yeah, I bet they named him t*nk
Because his head's
shaped like a turret.
No, they nicknamed him t*nk because
he mowed down the opposition like one.
Oh. And as for his looks,
Well, every girl on campus
Just turned to jelly
when he passed by.
Including you? No.
Good.
Me, he didn't pass by.
We sort of went together
in my senior year at westdale.
"Sort of" or "did"?
What's the difference?
[Stuttering] there's a
great deal of difference.
'Cause "sort of" means sort of
And "did" means, uh, did.
Well, anyway, that
was a long time ago.
You're gonna love
meeting t*nk tomorrow.
Yeah, oh sure.
I'm just countin' the seconds.
You better get another
bunch of bananas, alice.
Alice, my husband has just
paid me a very big compliment.
What's that, mrs. Brady?
He's jealous.
Oh, bless that
green-eyed monster.
T 44.
Take a handoff from
the quarterback,
Fake to the right and hit
it through the left tackle.
Hmm.
T 25.
Brush block the left
guard and go through
And... The linebacker.
You know, that's amazing.
What is?
You can remember
every play in that book
And you can't remember to
take the trash out on thursdays.
Well, maybe that's 'cause there
aren't any pom-pom girls around.
Hey, thanks for helping me, dad.
Oh, anytime.
I didn't realize that.
(Rich) hey, jerry.
How's it going with
that brady chick?
Stop worrying, would
you? I'm not about to fumble.
Yeah, but the
game's this saturday.
We gotta have westdale's
playbook no later than thursday.
We'll have it sooner.
I'm seeing her this afternoon.
Oh, yeah? Great.
You're some operator.
Take care. See you in practice.
[Birds chirping]
I was really surprised when
you picked me up at school.
What happened to
your football practice?
I just ran 90 yards for a
touchdown and kept right on going.
Don't I get some kind of a
reward for driving you home?
Well, uh, what do
you have in mind?
I'll settle for a cold drink.
Come on in.
Hi, kids. Hi.
Hi.
This is jerry rogers.
Bobby, and this is cindy.
You're right, marcia.
He is gorgeous.
I hope westdale whoops the
pants off you guys saturday.
Bobby!
Come on, jerry. Let's
go into the house.
That wasn't very polite of you.
Cindy, he's the opposition.
He's also marcia's friend.
He's a fairview fink.
All you boys think
about is football.
Love is a lot more important.
How do you know? You
never played either one.
Uh, have a seat.
Thanks.
Uh, would you like
some lemonade?
Great. If it's not
too much trouble.
Oh, not at all. I'll
be back in a minute.
Make yourself at home.
This is a great
house you have here.
Do all you kids
have your own room?
(Marcia) I wish we did.
Greg's the only one.
He fixed over the
attic for himself.
Yeah?
That's a great idea.
I ought to do something
like that to our attic.
Do you suppose I could take a look
at greg's room just to get some ideas?
Well, maybe sometime.
Great.
(Marcia) be right there.
No rush.
That's the most ridiculous
thing I've ever heard of.
Well, I'm sorry, but it
just happens to be true.
Jerry rogers wouldn't
stoop that low.
All right, all right. Why would
bobby say it if he didn't see it?
He only thought that he
tried to steal your playbook.
He doesn't have any real proof.
My eyes are my proof.
They saw him try to take it.
You're just prejudiced because
he's such a great quarterback.
Well, I could be such a
great quarterback, too,
If I had the other
team's playbook.
Look, it sounds to me like
bobby's tellin' the truth,
But I'm willing to give
jerry a fair shake. How?
By giving him another chance
to try and steal my playbook.
He didn't try to
steal your playbook.
All right, then you have
nothin' to worry about.
In fact, if he's innocent, we'll
even apologize, right? Right.
Ok, it's a deal.
Get ready to apologize.
You mean, you better get ready
To find a new creep
to go out with.
Oh, yeah? It takes
one to know one.
Well, then you 2 should
be really happy together.
[Exclaims]
Honey, how would you like
To buy me a new
dress for my birthday?
Well, since your birthday's
several months away, I'd love to.
Good. I'm wearing it.
Do you like it?
Ooh, I like it.
It was on sale.
Yeah, I like it even better.
Uh, what's the occasion?
Well, honey, you know
I needed a new dress
And with t*nk coming
over, I thought...
That's for t*nk?
No, silly. It's for you.
Yeah, that dress sure
makes me look good.
Happy birthday, twinkles.
Hey, how would you guys like to
help me plot operation wipeout?
Operation wipeout?
What do you mean?
Well, I told marcia I'd give jerry another
chance to try and steal my playbook.
But if he does steal it,
fairview will clobber us, right?
Yeah. So I came up with an idea.
2 Playbooks?
This one's a phony. We'll
make it full of fake plays.
If jerry steals it, fairview would
be running around in circles.
Right.
You guys would rout 'em.
Can't you just see
those fairview freaks
Trying to defend against our
plays when they're not our plays?
Listen, you read me the plays
out of this real playbook
And I'll switch 'em around
here in this phony one.
[Doorbell ringing]
Twinkles.
No, I'm mike.
Right.
I'm t*nk gates.
Glad to meet you.
Well, thank you.
Well, carol's told
me a lot about you.
Aw, not everything, I hope.
Where is she?
Where's my twinkles?
She's right here.
Twinkles.
Hi, t*nk.
Come here, you
gorgeous hunk of woman.
[Both laughing]
t*nk, put me down.
Oh, you're as wild as ever.
And you're as pretty as ever.
No, no, you're prettier.
Boy, did you luck out, fella.
My mother thinks she
didn't do too badly, either.
Yeah, yeah.
Bet you're just dyin' to know what
I've been doin' since high school, right?
Well, yes, t*nk, I thought...
Went right to college
And guess who made all-american?
Why don't you take a
s*ab in the dark, honey?
You know me, twinkles,
I don't like to brag.
But after college, I
went into pro football
And made all-pro
3 years in a row.
Yes, I noticed it in the paper.
Wasn't hard to do, was it?
I was in 'em all the time.
[t*nk laughing]
Did you ever play ball, mack?
Mike. Um, oh, I
played some ball.
Not football, but...
I didn't figure you did.
Uh, we have a son who plays
football at westdale, t*nk.
You have a son that old?
Why, you look like you could
be in high school yourself.
Did you hear that, mike?
Me, still in high school?
I heard it.
Listen, that's the
reason I'm in town.
For the biggie between
westdale and fairview.
Just don't get a chance
to get here anymore.
How did we get
so lucky this time?
Look what I dug up, t*nk.
Our old westdale annual.
Oh.
What's the next play?
T 28. Quarterback
pitchout to the strong side.
Simple. We'll just reverse it.
Now it'll be t 28, quarterback
pitchout to the weak side.
Boy, are they gonna be surprised
When the ball goes one way
and fairview goes the other.
Right.
[Grunting]
Sorry, alice.
Did you want something?
Yeah, to be traded,
right after dinner,
Which is going to be ready
pretty soon, so get cleaned up.
Ok.
Think fast.
Well, that does it.
Now all I have to do is give
this phony playbook to marcia
And have her invite
jerry over tomorrow.
You're sure he'll take it?
Will a rat take cheese?
I was just beautiful.
And here's the old tanker.
And here I am as
student body president.
Oh, look. There I am in
the drama... Son of a g*n.
Here I am scoring a touchdown
against fairview that year.
Do you remember all those
touchdowns I scored, twinkles?
Well...
I scored so many points I
can't remember the total.
Hey, hey, I remember
that touchdown now.
Let me show you how it worked.
Well, t*nk, I don't think...
Now, this is the picture.
We only have time for one play,
And we're still 75
yards from pay dirt.
Fairview's expecting
a long pass.
So they drop back
into a 5-3-2-1 defense.
So, I look over the defense
And you know what play I call?
I call... The old
statue of liberty.
Yeah, the old statue
of liberty play.
Well, anyway, we
break out of the huddle.
I come up to the line.
Here, let me show you.
You 2 be the defensive unit.
Yeah, you are a little
fragile, aren't you?
Now, this is our line.
Jackson, metzger, cyril. A rock.
Metzger snaps the
ball back to lefkowitz.
Lefty fades back like he's
gonna throw a long one.
And that's when the old tanker
Comes flying by
and grabs the ball.
The crowd went wild.
He gives him a leg.
He takes it away.
He reverses his field and
then goes against the grain.
He gives them a right stringer,
He gives them a left stringer.
He was poetry in motion.
[Yelling] and then he
goes for the big...
And the rest is history.
You're a legend
in your own time.
Oh, not yet.
I still have to make
the extra point. Uh...
I certainly wouldn't
want to miss that one. No.
But I fooled them again, see?
I made them think I'm gonna
run for the extra point.
Suddenly I stop, step
back and drop kick the ball.
[Crashing]
Oh!
Um, sorry. I guess
I got carried away.
Oh, don't worry about it.
It's just a rare tropical fern.
But you'll be glad to know
The drop kick went right
through the goal posts.
Great. Really great.
Yeah, great.
Even then, I was
bigger than life.
You're really gonna go
through with greg's plan?
Jerry's on his way over.
What if he does steal
greg's playbook?
I don't think he will, cindy.
Because he's honest?
Or because he told you your
eyes are like faye dunaway's?
We'll soon find
out. Put 'em down.
Here.
Good luck. Ok.
Cindy, go on.
Why?
Cindy.
Oh, all right.
Hi. Hi.
I'm glad you could come over.
You know, we must have
e.s.p. Going on between us
Because I was just
gonna call you.
[Giggling] good.
Can I get you a
cold drink? Sure.
How about some of
that great lemonade?
Ok.
(Marcia) I guess you're really
excited about the big game.
You better believe it.
Greg's really up for it, too.
I'll bet. Means the
league championship.
I hope you won't mind
if I root for westdale.
(Jerry) wouldn't have
it any other way.
[Sighing]
Oh, am I a goof artist.
Coach called a special
session for team photographs.
I completely forgot.
Can I take a rain check
on that lemonade?
Sure.
I hope you understand.
I understand perfectly.
Hey, get this.
The paper picks fairview
to win by 3 points.
[All laughing] if they only knew
about the phony playbook.
Hey, boys.
Hi, dad. Hi, dad.
Hey, dad, want to win a bundle?
Bet on greg's team
to clobber fairview.
Yeah, yeah.
Listen, I hear you pulled
a fast one on fairview.
You mean on that freak
jerry rogers. Yeah.
No, no, I mean on fairview.
Don't you see you're operating
On jerry rogers' level now?
What do you mean?
Well, look, he
stole your playbook.
And if it had been the real one,
His team could win
dishonestly, right?
Right.
Ok, now westdale
can win dishonestly
Because the playbook is a fake.
I never thought of it that way.
Me either.
Ditto.
Well, boys, it just seems to me
That a victory is only
gonna mean something
If westdale beats
fairview in an honest game.
Hmm?
And I'll bet your
coach would agree, too.
[Ringing]
Hello.
Hi, jerry. Greg brady.
Oh.
Hi, greg.
What's up?
Look, I'm callin' about
that playbook you swiped.
Are you kidding? Me,
swipe your playbook?
I'm just trying to do
you a favor, jerry.
Some favor, calling me a crook.
Let me put it this
way, the book's a fake.
I made up every play in it.
I said I didn't take it.
But even if I did, why
would you be telling me?
Because it's not
fair to your team.
Look, man, the book's a phony.
You're the phony, greg.
But thanks for the phone call.
[Crowd cheering]
Alice, that was the best
ball game I've ever seen.
Westdale k*lled them. 20 To 7.
Marvelous.
They clobbered 'em.
Jerry rogers didn't
even finish the game.
The coach benched
him in the first quarter
When he found out about that phony
playbook. We won fair and square.
Right.
Wait till you see what we're
gonna have for dessert.
[All chattering] (greg)
good, I'm ready for that.
We're going to
celebrate the big victory.
[All cheering]
Oh, alice, that is beautiful.
Hey, alice, what if
westdale had lost?
Oh, that's simple, mr. Brady.
There she goes again.
We would have settled for this.
[All laughing]
Hi, twinkles.
Oh, hi, t*nk.
Mike, look who's here.
I just stopped by to say
so long. I gotta get goin'.
Hi, t*nk.
Hi, sorry I missed
you at the game.
That son of yours is
not a bad halfback, mack.
That's mike.
It must have really
made you happy
When your old alma mater
won the biggie, huh, t*nk?
Are you kiddin'? That
stupid game cost me $100.
Westdale won.
Yeah, but I heard a rumor
That fairview got a
hold of westdale's plays.
I figured I had me a sure thing.
You mean you bet against
your own alma mater?
Oh, come on,
loyalty's one thing,
A buck's another.
Well, so long, twinkles.
It's been great seein' you.
You, too, mack.
That's mike.
Can you imagine him betting
against his own school?
I can imagine him
doing most anything.
He's got some nerve.
That... What a phony.
Listen, that's your hero
you're talking about, twinkles.
Oh, you know I was
just needling you.
He never was my kind of guy.
What is your kind of guy?
The kind of guy you are, mike.
That's mack, and
I'm poetry in motion.