02x01 - Goodbye Earl

[bunniefuu]

[ARLO] And we're in the
final minute of added time.

AFC Richmond and Nottingham Forest
are level with two goals apiece.

Obisanya switches play. He
finds Rojas, who has room.

Oh!

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

[ARLO] And it's a penalty!

[CHEERING]

A giant opportunity for the Greyhounds

to change their club's tide here.

Nice pass, Sam!

Here we go, Dani!

- Yeah! Yes!
- Nice, nice.

[ARLO] Huge relief for Colin Hughes

after he was liable
for Forest's equalizer.

Richmond has started the season
with seven straight ties...

and if this match ends in a draw,
they will tie the record,

which is currently a tie between
Southampton and Swansea.

Chris, can you even imagine

starting a season with
seven consecutive draws?

I sure can, Arlo.

And that's because I'm a right-brained

dominant with a knack for make-believe.

Is it okay if I pray?

Yeah, of course. But to which god
and in what language, you know?

You could cross your
fingers, make a wish.

There you go.

[ARLO] The Richmond faithful, who've
recently gone through so much,

still fervently behind their club.

Keep on him.

- Ooh.
- Go on. Yeah!

[ARLO] And a hush falls
over Nelson Road...

- [DOG HOWLING]
- [BIRD WINGS FLAPPING]

[ARLO] With the exception of
Richmond's venerable mascot,

Earl Greyhound, howling
his encouragement.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

Will Dani Rojas deliver the good
boy their first win of the season?

Please, please, please, please.

Come on, Dani.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

Football is life.

[EARL YELPS]

[CROWD GASPING] Oh!

Oh.

- Oh, no.
- Oh, my God.

I promise that's not what I wished for.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]

[SIGHS] That poor
creature. It's so tragic.

Awful turn of events.

You don't think that people will
hate us because of it, do you?

Well, it was obviously
a horrible accident,

but I guess that one perk of
being in a lower division now

is that not every game is televised.

Yes, but, Higgins, the Internet.

- Oh, right, the g*dd*mn Internet.
- [SIGHS]

Oi, Twitter is going bonkers. Look.

Oh, God. Did we really
make Michael Jordan cry?

- Did you write a statement for Ted?
- Yeah, I did.

But then he said, "Now,
don't you fret, Boba Fett".

He's got it covered.

- Okay.
- Mmm. Mmm.

- [JOURNALISTS CLAMORING] Coach!
- All right, Marcus,

- what do you got for me?
- Coach Lasso,

how are you feeling about
the team's efforts today?

Well, I feel like everyone played
their hearts out, especially Sam.

Just gets better and better every game.

He's really helping us fill that
giant Roy Kent void, you know.

And how many more matches
you think can end in a draw

before you hit the panic button?

Well, Marcus, there's two buttons
I never like to hit, all right?

And that's "panic" and "snooze".

- Who else?
- [JOURNALISTS CLAMORING]

Uh, what about this fella right here?

- Trent Crimm...
- [JOURNALISTS] The Independent.

I was wondering if you had
any comments on Earl,

the dog Dani Rojas k*lled today.

Mmm. Trent Crimm, bringing
that heat. [CHUCKLES]

[SIGHS DEEPLY]

Yeah.

Well, when I was three years old, I
got att*cked by our neighbor's dog.

I don't remember it happening,
but my mother said it was pretty...

pretty scary, you know.

I do remember being afraid of
dogs while growing up though.

Like if I was at a friend's house
for a sleepover or something,

they'd have to keep
their family dog outside,

otherwise I'd bawl my eyes out.

- [CHUCKLES]
- [JOURNALISTS CHUCKLE]

Then in high school,
our neighbor, Mr. Grady,

well, his wife passed away.

And he was real sad about
that, as you can imagine,

and he just kinda stopped
taking care of their dog.

Same one that bit me. His name was Hank.

And so I started looking
after him, you know.

Feeding him, taking him on walks,
playing fetch, all that fun stuff.

Eventually, Mr. Grady's son moved
his dad into a nursing home,

and he asked if I wanted to keep Hank,

and I was like, "Yeah. Heck, yeah".

And then a year or so after that
we had to put Hank to sleep.

It's funny to think about
the things in your life...

that can make you cry just
knowing that they existed,

can then become the same
thing that make you cry

knowing that they're now gone.

I think those things
come into our lives...

to help us get from one
place to a better one.

And I hope we helped Earl do just that.

We gonna miss him around
here a whole bunch. Yeah.

And how's Dani doing?

I haven't spoken with him yet,

but I just hope he's not being
too hard on himself, you know.

[PRAYING IN SPANISH]

He's been like this for minutes.

He's gonna use all the hot water.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, you're right.

[PRAYING CONTINUES]

Hey, Dani. What ya doing?

Washing the death off of me.

Well, I... I recommend
you use a little soap.

Helps get the eternal rest out of those

tough-to-reach places, you know.

Gracias, Coach.

Well, hey, don't forget,
football is life, right?

I know. It used to be.

- [PRAYING IN SPANISH]
- [MOUTHING] I got nothing.

Okay, so, fellas,

let's go ahead and give Dani a
little bit of space right now, yeah?

Y'all don't mind showering
at home, do ya?

Ooh, Coach, uh, if it's okay with you,

some of us prefer to
take long baths at home.

[PLAYERS] Yeah, yeah.

Oh. Yeah, no, okay, that'll work too.

Oh, and hey, way to
play out there today.

Y'all kicked their butts
from soup to nuts.

Don't worry, we gonna get a W soon.

We'll see you goldfish on Monday.

Goldfish?

Oh, it means to forget our mistakes
and failures and just move on.

But I didn't make any mistakes.
Only you played poorly.

[PLAYERS] Ooh. Wow.

Hey, guys, Jan Maas is not being rude.

He's just being Dutch.

- [PLAYER ] Mm? Yeah, yeah.
- [PLAYER ] True.

- [CELL PHONE BEEPS, VIBRATES]
- [SIGHS]

I'm telling you, all
these ties are my fault.

It's straight up celestial payback
for the Man City game.

There I was wishing and
hoping for a freaking tie,

and now the karma police are making good

on showing me what I get
when I mess with them.

The team's playing well, Ted,
just a little unlucky, that's all.

"Unlucky". Yeah. Man, I love the
way y'all use that word over here.

Back home, if a team was playing
poorly, we don't call 'em unlucky.

- What do we call 'em, Coach?
- New York Jets.

- There it is.
- Hey, Coach.

Uh, sorry to interrupt. Uh, can
I leave a little early today?

But part of your job is to stay
until the whole team's gone.

No, yes, of course. It's just,
it's my mum's th birthday...

Oh. Oh.

And w-what position does your
mum play on the team again?

It's okay, Will. Uh, tell your mom
a happy birthday from all of us,

and if she ever wants to try out for
the team, she's more than welcome.

Ah, lovely. [CHUCKLES]

[SIGHS]

Y-You gotta stay on 'em.

Pressure makes pearls, right?

- Mmm.
- Wait, that's wrong.

It's diamonds... sh*t! I messed it up.

No, you didn't mess it
up. You were just, uh...

- Unlucky.
- Yes!

- [CELL PHONE BEEPS]
- Ooh, thanks.

That's odd.

We just received a giant food delivery

from our rivals over at Brentford F.C.

That's nice. What kind of food?

Thai.

- Oh, now I get it.
- [SIGHS]

- [KNOCKS]
- Howdy, y'all.

[ALL] Ted!

What do you say to a
cocktail, Coach Lasso?

Oh, the same thing
I'd say to Diane Sawyer

if she ever asked me out
on a date: "Yes, please".

Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. Hmm.

How you feeling?

Well, Keeley, I feel like

a bigger loser than the biggest
loser from The Biggest Loser.

Oh, look on the bright side, Ted.

We are still undefeated.

Okay, sure. Thank you.

How's Dani doing?

Oh, he's a little shell-shocked,

but Dani's a lot like an
expensive tape measure.

He snaps back real quick.

- [REBECCA] Hmm.
- Yeah.

What about Earl's owner?
He doing all right?

- Yeah, fortunately he is.
- Oh, good.

Yes, and you're now looking
at the very new, very generous,

very guilt-riddled benefactor of
Richmond's largest dog shelter.

- Barkingham Palace.
- [REBECCA CHUCKLES]

- Mmm. It's a good name.
- [KEELEY] Mm-hmm.

- To Earl.
- To Earl.

- To Earl.
- Mmm.

Okay, I should go.

I promised the boys we'd watch
Empire Strikes Back tonight,

and I have to get my thoughts together

for when they ask about
Luke and Leia making out.

- Oh, right.
- [SIGHS, SUCKS TEETH] Wish me luck.

Good luck, Higgins.

Bye, Leslie.

- Hey. May the force be with you.
- And also with you.

- All right.
- [CELL PHONE BEEPS]

- Oh, my God!
- [GASPS] Oh, is that him?

- Yes, yes, yes. [SQUEALS]
- Come on! Oh, good!

- [SQUEALS]
- [CHUCKLES]

[SQUEALS] Okay.

- Hey, him who?
- [BOTH] Shh.

- And?
- Well, I mean...

- Okay, but?
- Oh, no. Totally.

- Good, I'm proud of you.
- [GIGGLES] Thanks.

Am I allowed to speak yet?

Oh, sorry, Ted. It's just
a little bit of girl talk

about a gentleman suitor I've
gone out with a few times.

- [BOTH GIGGLING]
- Nice. A little girl talk. I get it.

- What's his name...
- [BOTH] Shh.

- Oh.
- [SIGHS]

Are you guys up for a double date
next week? Let him prove his mettle.

- Abso-f*cking-lutely.
- Can you ask Roy if he's free?

- He's free. Don't worry.
- Okay, cool.

H-Hey, did Roy come to the game today?

Oh, no, he didn't. Sorry, Ted.

Oh, no, that's okay. I'm sure he'll
swing by at some point, right?

Hey, he knows he's always got a ticket

waiting for him at will call, yeah?

- Yeah.
- Good, okay.

And don't forget, I don't
put it under his name.

I don't want folks messing
with him. It's under an alias.

Like, last week it was, um,

uh, Loretta Lynn, this
week was Dolly Parton,

and next week is, if I remember
correctly, Shania Twain.

[CHUCKLES] Just brilliant.

And it's nothing personal.

It's just that he's been so busy
with this new coaching gig.

Oi! You listen to me!

You play like that next week,
you can kiss the trophy goodbye,

'cause today, you all played
like a bunch of little pricks!

You hear me?

[ALL] Yes, Coach!

Except for Kokoruda. Way to put
your body on the line out there.

You know it, Coach.

All right, Monika's mum
brought orange slices.

Don't eat the peels,
you animals. Off you go.

- Keeley!
- Hey, Phoebs!

Coach Kent. They're eight years old.

- You can't call them little pricks.
- Sorry, Ms. Bowen.

Even when they're being little pricks.

See you on Monday at school, girls.

- Bye, Ms. Bowen.
- Hey, babe.

- [GIRL] Bye, Ms. Bowen.
- [KISSES]

- All right, who wants some hot chocolate?
- [GASPS] Me!

- I do.
- Yeah, let's go! [CHUCKLES]

Oh.

Oh! Before I forget,

Rebecca wanted to see if we could do
some double date action next week.

f*cking hell.

Bad word, Uncle Roy.
You owe me one quid.

Put it on my tab.

- Can you hold this, please?
- Course.

Come on. It'll be fun.

- Fine.
- Thank you.

- Mmm.
- [CHUCKLES]

Phoebe, how was the match today?

- Outstanding.
- Yeah?

I got a red card for
elbowing a girl in her neck.

And I'm very proud.

- What?
- [CHUCKLES]

Well, I know that you guys are
just gonna smash it next week.

Me too.

So once the season's over,

you're gonna have more time
to see some friends, right?

I see friends all the time.

I know. You got your yoga mums.

Don't you ever want anything
more than sitting in child's pose,

getting buzzed on rosé, and
gossiping about reality TV

with a bunch of women that
know nothing about you?

- No, I love it.
- Mmm.

Sky Sports reached out again.

No.

I think it's a good idea.

Last time I did one of your good ideas,

I made a f*cking fool of myself.

Your retirement press conference
was beautiful, Roy.

People loved it.

It got, like, million views.

Wait, so your way of alleviating
my embarrassment is to tell me

how many millions of people
have seen me look like a knob?

[CHUCKLES] Good point.

I just wanna go on record saying that

I think you'd be an amazing pundit.

I don't wanna be a
f*cking football pundit,

sat on f*cking telly
in a dumb f*cking suit

like a know-it-all twat.

It's a sh*t job for sh*t people.

I'd rather sh*t out my own f*cking
mouth than do that f*cking sh*t.

Got it.

Oi, Phoebs, where we at now?

£ , .

Impressive.

[ARLO] And it's déjà vu all over again

as Dani Rojas has another
injury-time penalty kick

to put Richmond in the win column
for the first time this season.

If he can get it past
this adorable goalkeeper.

[DOG PANTING]

Oh, gamesmanship from the
keeper. How will Rojas respond?

[DOG GRUNTING]

Hmm?

- [DOG SQUEALS]
- [GASPS]

[PANTING]

Football is death!

- [KNOCKS]
- Oh, come in.

Morning, boss.

Oh, hi, Ted.

Yikes. I haven't seen someone
that disappointed to see me

since I wore a red baseball cap to
a Planned Parenthood fundraiser.

Sorry, Ted. You're right. I...
I was just hoping you were Keeley.

That's okay. I wish I was
Keeley three, four times a day.

- Here you go.
- Thank you.

Let me guess. You got a fever for
the flavor of a little girl talk?

Well, sh**t, why don't you
let me take a cr*ck at it?

- Really?
- Yeah, why not?

Oh. Okay, what the hell.

Uh, so this, um, chap
I've been seeing, John.

Stamos?

No, his name's John Wingsnight.

- Okay.
- But that's not the point.

Mm-hmm. Now hold on a second.
His name's John Wingsnight?

- Yes.
- Like at a sports bar?

Like, "Monday night's wings night
down at PJ Flatts", like that?

Ted, would you please stop?

Rule number one: Even though
it's called "girl talk",

sometimes it needs to be
more like, "Girl, listen".

Got it. Learning on the
fly here. Come on. Hit me.

All right, thank you. So, John, um,

I mean... I mean, he's a wonderful man.

- He's very handsome, um, successful.
- Ooh. Nice.

- Not shy.
- Mmm, is he nice to you?

Uh, yes. Yes, very.

- Good. Yeah, he sounds great.
- Mmm.

So I'm confused. Is
there a problem here?

Well...

Actually, I suppose not.

Okay.

Okay, so rule number two is

sometimes girl talk can just
be blabbing away about stuff,

and nothing has to really change,
and no one has to solve anything?

Yeah, that's exactly right.

I love it. Let's keep going.

Right, so... [CLEARS THROAT] Come.

Ooh.

- Okay.
- Mmm.

Hey, sorry I'm late, fellas.

I was helping the boss

pick out a nail polish color
for her date tonight.

My favorite's the blue, but
I think they all kinda rock.

What do guys you think?

- What's wrong?
- We got a situation, Coach.

He's underselling. We have a
Shakespearean f*cking tragedy.

[PLAYERS] Take it easy, Dani.

Come on, Dani. One more
time, yeah? Have another go.

[PLAYERS CHEERING]

[ISAAC] Come on, Dani. Come on.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

- [DANI GRUNTS]
- [PLAYERS] Oh!

- [CAR ALARM]
- [SPEAKING SPANISH]

- [CAR ALARM CHIRPS]
- How many has he missed?

All of them.

Oh, boy. Okay. Hey, Dani!

Come on, son. Let's take a walk.

Wow. We're watching the
end of someone's career.

Not now, Jan.

[PANTING] Uh, s-sorry, Coach.

No, no need to apologize.

Dani, what happened
between you and Earl,

that wasn't your fault, you know.

You suffered an unlikely
and tragic coincidence.

Not too dissimilar from those seen

throughout Paul Thomas Anderson's
opus, Magnolia.

Is that Tom Cruise with
a little, tiny ponytail?

No, Dani. I think you're thinking
about The Last Samurai.

He's got a little, tiny ponytail
in Magnolia too, Coach.

Oh, thank you, Coach.

My apologies, Dani.

Tom Cruise was rocking a little,
tiny ponytail in both those films.

- Okay.
- Point is,

it's a tragic occurrence, all right?

A one-time thing.

So let's get away from the bad mojo
coming off that penalty box and,

you know, have some fun.

Let's kick some corners, right?

- Right. [SNIFFS]
- Yeah?

Hey, fellas! Line up
for Midnight Poutine!

- [PLAYERS CHEER]
- Yeah, there we go.

Help you get your feel back.

[STRAINING]

- All right, Dani.
- Okay, Coach.

Take a deep breath, yeah?

I want you to picture the sh*t.

Be the ball, Dani. Now kick it.

- Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh.
- [PLAYERS CHUCKLE]

Ooh! [LAUGHS]

Oh, boy.

- That's all right. That's all right.
- [SIGHS]

Well, fellas, I am more stumped than

Paul Bunyan's local
forest, you know th...

Ow! Ooh, that hurt. Ay, ay, ay.
[SUCKS TEETH] Any ideas?

If Dani needs motivation,

we could always just show
him his g*dd*mn paycheck.

I mean, that's a tad
aggressive, you know.

But hey, I shouldn't bring
an umbrella to a brainstorm,

so I appreciate you getting
the ball rolling, Nate.

Yeah.

Seems like the first thing we need
to do is define the issue, yeah?

True that.

I think we already know
what it is, don't we, Coach?

What you talking about, Willis?

Hey, you're not supposed
to say that out loud.

Which is why I wrote it down.

- "The yips"?
- Shh!

- What are the yips?
- Shh!

Are you kidding me, you two?

We don't say the Y-word
out loud, you understand?

It's like saying Macbeth in a theater,

or Voldemort at Hogwarts, or, uh...

- Soccer in England.
- Bingo.

But what are [MOUTHING] the yips?

It's when, just out of nowhere,

an athlete suddenly can't do the
basic fundamentals of their sport.

Yeah, you know, like Chuck
Knoblauch's throw to first,

or, uh, Charles Barkley's golf swing.

You guys know what I mean.

Yeesh, sometimes being here is
like living in a foreign country.

- You ever feel that way?
- Yeah.

Ted, what are your thoughts on therapy?

Uh, general apprehension

and a modest Midwestern
skepticism. Why do you ask?

Well, maybe we should bring
in a sports psychologist.

I know a lot of other clubs have
had tremendous success with that.

Hmm.

It's not a bad idea, Coach.

Mm-hmm.

- Mmm.
- Mm-hmm. Okay. [INHALES DEEPLY]

Yeah, um, hold on.

Let me think here. Let me get
my thinking thing on, okay.

Yeah, let's do it.

[AMBIENT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]

And now, we're nose-to-nose
with one another,

and half of me is thinking,

- "Just kick this jerk in the balls...
- [CHUCKLES]

... and when he bends over,
give him a knee to the nose

and be done with it,
'cause screw this guy".

And the other half of me is
thinking, "But it's Martin Short.

- You love Martin Short".
- Mmm.

Well, the next thing you know,
this tiny American woman says,

"Is that it?" [LAUGHS]

And sure enough, there it was,
wedged between the couch cushions,

- Martin Short's wallet. [LAUGHS]
- Martin Short's wallet.

I mean, he didn't steal it.

- [LAUGHING] No!
- Wow, that's insane. [CHUCKLES]

That's madness. Could I
get another one, please?

God, I never knew that meet and
greets at Broadway shows could be

such hotbeds for, like, almost v*olence.

Oh, big-time. But who cares about

Martin Short when you're sitting next to

"He's here, he's there, he's
every-f*cking-where, Roy Kent",

- Roy Kent!
- John's football-mad.

Oh, terrific. Who do you support?

Well, I bounce back and forward
between United and City.

Whichever club's winning, typically.

- I love it.
- Sounds like it.

So, how's retirement, Roy?

I mean, I can't imagine how
different your life must be now.

You must miss it all like mad, yeah?

- I don't.
- Hmm.

So what are you doing now then?

- Oh, you know, busy, busy.
- Ah.

I'm actually doing a bit of
coaching at the moment.

I hadn't heard that. Fantastic.

Yeah. We got a cup final next week.

In October... W-What cup's that?

West London under-nine girls.

Can I get another one, please?

He's actually had an offer
from Sky Sports to be a pundit.

Oh, of course you have.
You'd be amazing at that job.

I love that idea.

I couldn't agree more.

Can I just say that your
retirement speech was amazing.

It's the first time my
father's forwarded me

an e-mail in the last five years

that wasn't about the
scourge of immigration.

And that really meant a
lot to me, so thank you.

Cheers.

It must've been super weird
afterwards though, right?

I'm gonna need two
more of these, please.

[MAE] Here you go, gentlemen.

- Thank you, Mae.
- Thanks, Mae.

- Shame what happened to Earl.
- Mm-hmm.

Him and his owner, Nigel, used
to come in here all the time,

till he started sh1tting and
pissing all over the place.

Yeah. Nah, that's pretty
common with older dogs.

- No, I'm talking about Nigel.
- Hmm.

- To Earl.
- He was a good boy.

Mmm.

Hey, Coach, can I get real a second?
Forget my meal a second?

Put down your beer and tell your
buddy how you feel a second?

- Yeah.
- Sure.

Look, I'm all for whatever it takes

to help Dani get back
to being a hundred.

But, um, this whole idea of bringing in
someone from the outside

to help us get him there,

I don't know, it just kinda
puts a little knot in my belly.

I'm not sure why.

Hmm. Sounds like it might be
your favorite Gin Blossoms song.

- "Follow You Down"?
- No, "Hey Jealousy".

No, "Hey Jealousy" is their best song.

My favorite song of theirs
is "Follow You Down".

- You don't know that story?
- Uh...

Doesn't matter, but to your point,

you know, I thought it might've
been that green-eyed monster too,

but, uh, you know, I think
there's a part of me

that just doesn't, uh... I don't
know, uh, trust therapists?

And how come?

Well, when Michelle and
I did couple's therapy,

it was with this therapist she'd been
going to for a while, and, um...

I just kinda felt like I was
being set up, you know.

Like I was going in there
not to be listened to,

but rather just to hear about all
the things I'd been doing wrong.

And that's the only time
you've ever seen a therapist?

Oh, yeah. [CHUCKLES]

Do you remember what you
said when I got dumped

by that cruise ship dancer

and swore I would never
date another dancer again?

"Can I have your tap shoes?"

"All people are different people".

Hmm. I said that?

Mm-hmm.

Oh. That's pretty good.

Yeah.

- You went out with another dancer though?
- Many.

Too many.

Sorry if I was prattling on
too much this evening.

[SIGHS] You were as charming as ever.

You sure you don't wanna
come back to mine?

Got an early morning, remember?

Right. Yeah, um, well, let me
know if I passed the test.

- Lunch later this week?
- Perfect.

- Night.
- Ooh. [CHUCKLES]

- Thank you.
- [GIGGLES]

- See ya.
- Bye. [CHUCKLES]

Cheers.

- Well?
- I think he's a really good match.

I mean, he's age-appropriate,
financially appropriate.

He's not shy.

- I love that about him.
- Totally.

f*cking hell.

Is there a problem?

Tell the truth.

He's fine. That's it.

Nothing wrong with that,
most people are fine.

But it's not about him. It's about

why the f*ck you think he deserves you.

You deserve someone who
makes you feel like

you've been struck by f*ckin' lightning.

Don't you dare settle for fine.

Hmm.

Not that it's any of my business.

- , , , , , ...
- Ha!

- Higgins, look alive!
- Ooh! Ah.

- Aw. [CLICKS TONGUE] Nuts.
- Mm-mmm.

Sorry. Um, I just wanted to introduce
you to Dr. Sharon Fieldstone.

She's gonna be looking after Dani.

This is Nathan, Coach
Beard, and Ted Lasso.

- [GRUNTS]
- Oh, you don't need to stand.

But it makes it a lot easier to do this.

[BEATBOXES]

- ♪ It's nice to meet you ♪
- ♪ Ooh ♪

- ♪ It's nice to meet you ♪
- ♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Consider this song
our way to greet you ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

So I understand that Dani has
developed a case of the yips?

- Hey!
- [SQUEALS]

Okay, that's two weird things
in a row. What's going on?

Well, Doc, we don't like
using that word around here.

Why?

Um, how do I...

Why y'all looking at me?

He's the one that knows everyth...
Oh, okay, all right. Um, well, Doc...

Doctor.

Right, yes, of course. Sorry.

Um, Doctor. Um, it's a superstition.

I see. Well, the yips...

- [SQUEALS]
- [GROANS]

... are not a superstition.

They are a mental condition,

one that can be fixed with
discipline, not denial.

So, then, you're pretty confident

that you can help us out with Dani, huh?

Are you good at your job?

Uh, I mean...

Don't worry about them.

Put all bullshit humility aside
and be honest with me.

Are you good at your job? Yes or no?

Um, yes.

I believe you.

Well, as good as you are at your
job, I'm twice as good at mine.

- We're very lucky to have you.
- Thank you very much.

- That's good to know.
- Thank you for coming here.

Right, so where should I
be conducting my sessions?

- Um...
- [HIGGINS STAMMERS]

Why don't I set you up
in my office, all right?

Great. Nice meeting all of you

and sorry to have interrupted your game.

What's your record?

Oh, uh, , .

Impressive.

She seems fun.

Mm-hmm.

You're sure you're okay,
me using your office?

Not just being polite?

I... It's probably a bit
of both, but I insist.

- [CHUCKLES] Thank you, Mr. Higgins.
- No problem.

- [KNOCKS]
- Hey, Doc, uh, tor.

Uh, this right here, this is Dani Rojas.

Dani, this is Dr. Sharon Fieldstone.

Nice to meet you, Dani. How you feeling?

Like a m*rder*r.

Please.

You're all right.

Yeah. Want me to stick around, help
you break the ice with Dani here?

I think we'll be all right,
Coach Lasso. Thank you.

Okay. Yeah.

[DR. FIELDSTONE SPEAKING SPANISH]

[DANI SPEAKING SPANISH]

- You okay?
- Oh, yeah.

This is gonna be perfect. Yeah.

Aw.

And remember, this is when tickets
to Stomp were tough to get.

Anyway, this tall redhead
pushes in front of me,

so I tap him on the shoulder,
he turns around and goes,

"Is there a problem?" I go,
"Yeah, there's a problem".

He goes, "It's all right. It's all
right. I know the choreographer".

[FADING] Guess who it was...
[MUFFLED SPEAKING]

[MUFFLED SPEAKING CONTINUES]

[NORMAL] Is everything okay, Rebecca?

[STAMMERS] It's j...
Dating is so odd, isn't it?

- Yeah.
- I mean, we are all strangers essentially.

So I mean, how is it ever possible
to truly feel safe with someone?

I suppose you can't.

You know, my friend, Flo, once told me

that intimacy was all about leaving
yourself open to being att*cked.

- Oh.
- Isn't that horrible?

I've not heard that one.

But I mean, it does make
you realize how scary it is,

allowing yourself to be intimate again.

I mean, you really do have to be brave.

And that's it right there, isn't it?

I need to be brave enough
to let someone...

wonderful love me,

without fear of being hurt
and without fear of being...

safe.

Sorry... Are you breaking up with me?

I'm so sorry. I... I actually
didn't know I was

- going to do that...
- No, no, it's... it's all right.

- [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
- [SIGHS]

Coffees are on me.

Yeah, fair enough. Cheers.

[JOHN SWALLOWS]

[DANI] Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na!

Dani Rojas, Rojas. Dani Rojas.

Hello, my beautiful coaches.
May I join the drill?

Sure thing, Dani, yeah.

But hey, y-you take this
at your own pace, okay?

You got it, Coach.

Hmm.

[GROANS]

Did she not wave back?

- Oh, I don't think she saw me.
- She saw you.

[EXHALES]

- [PLAYERS CHEERING]
- [CHUCKLES]

- Oh!
- Ohh!

Hey, all right!

Hey, they got a whole bunch of
new emojis on here. You see this?

Do you remember when they
added Groucho but no Harpo?

- Mmm.
- It's bullshit.

Good night, coaches, and
thank you for Dr. Sharon.

She's incredible.

No problem, Dani. Just
glad you're feeling better.

[STAMMERS] Yeah, but ho-hold
on a sec. Um, I'm just curious.

What did she... Um, I mean,
what ended up helping you?

Dr. Sharon helped me remember that

even though football is life,
football is also death.

And that football is football too.

But mostly that football is life!

[CHUCKLES] Yeah.

Yeah, well, there you have it.

You know what, I'm gonna go upstairs,

thank the good doc before she splits.

It's the least you can do.

Hey, Higgins. Doc still here?

Oh, wait, Ted. She's in a session.

A session? With who?

- Thank you, Sharon. For real.
- Mm-hmm. You're welcome.

She's amazing.

- Thierry?
- Oh, yes. Hi.

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

[BOTH SPEAKING FRENCH]

A few of the boys asked to sit down

with Dr. Fieldstone before she left.

I don't see the harm, right?

No, that... That's great. Yeah.

- Hi.
- [ROY] Hey, gorgeous. What's going on?

I feel like a little sh*t.

I used our fun night out together
to try and change your mind

about something you don't wanna do.

That was tacky, and
I'm really sorry for it.

You're very sweet. Thank you.

[CHUCKLES] I'm leaving work right now.

I can stop by Waitrose, pick up
a bottle of wine, bring it over?

Waitrose, is it? Who am I
talking to, the f*cking queen?

- [KEELEY CHUCKLES]
- I'd love to, but, um...

Oh, f*ck! Yeah, it's yoga
mums night. Sorry.

Yeah, but you can beg
for forgiveness later.

I can swing by and wake you up.

Oi, Roy. Hurry up. It's about to start.

I'll be awake. Have fun, yeah?

Bye, babe.

[MUSIC PLAYING ON TV]

Let's f*cking do this.

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

[FEMALE HOST ON TV] Who
will be eliminated this week

on the UK's number one
show, Lust Conquers All?

Will it be Grimsby's top makeup
counter associate, Ellie?

Can't vote me off, yeah? I'm the
one who makes your lips tick.

- Oh, shut up, you slag.
- [LAUGHING]

Come on. She's hilarious.

Or will it be the
footballing tart, Jamie?

[PEOPLE ON TV CLAMORING]

You can't get rid of me.
I'm the island's top scorer.

Sexually.

- [SCOFFS]
- God, I love him.

- [YOGA MUMS SIGH]
- Oh, same.

- Jesus.
- Top up my rosé please, Janice?

[FEMALE HOST ON TV] ... pharmacist
from Borehamwood?

- Or Clara, Bournemouth's scandalous...
- Cheers.

Cheers.