02x12 - The Break Up

[bunniefuu]

Hey, dad, I want to sign up for hockey.

- No, you don't.

- Yeah, I do.

No, you don't! Keep your voice down.

Why? What's wrong with hockey? Shh shh shh! Did someone say hockey? N-no, honey.

I said I was feeling a little Stocky.

I heard the word hockey come up from the air vent.

I asked if I could play hockey and then dad got all weird.

I have been dreaming of the day.

When one of my kids strapped on the skates.

And followed in mama's footsteps.

- I feel a story coming on.

- I was the star.

Of the southwest Denver community college lady icers.

- You even had a cute nickname.

- They called me "psycho.

" Broke the league record for penalty minutes.

- And that's why they called me - Psycho.

I got it.

Can I play hockey? Not only can you play hockey, I'm gonna teach you everything I know about the sport.

No, that's okay, mom.

They actually have coaches.

Coach I'll be your coach! - Great idea! - Coach psycho.

- Psycho.

- That's right, Charlie.

Mommy's psycho.

Today's all burnt toast ♪ Running late and dad jokes ♪ "Has anybody seen my left shoe?" ♪ I close my eyes, take a bite ♪ Grab a ride, laugh out loud ♪ ♪There it is up on the roof ♪ I've been there, I've survived ♪ So just take my advice ♪ Hang in there, baby ♪ Things are crazy ♪ But I know your future's bright ♪ Hang in there, baby ♪ There's no maybe ♪ Everything turns out all right ♪ Your life is up and down ♪ But trust me, it comes back around ♪ You're gonna love who you turn out to be ♪ Hang in there, baby.

♪ - Okay, see you tomorrow, babe.

- Okay.

Oh, hey, Derek, I was wondering if maybe after school.

- You wanna go mini golfing? - Eh, whatever.

Okay, so, um, is that a whatever like "I don't wanna go," or a whatever like "mini golf, wow!"? Whichever.

Okay okay, so is that a whichever like "whatever" Or a whichever like "mini golf, wow!"? - No worries.

- Whatever.

- 'kay, see you, babe.

- Okay.

Ivy, can I ask you something? - Sure, what's up? - It's about Derek.

And I want you to be completely honest.

You know, we've been going out for a while.

And at first it was fun and everything, but now I'm kinda wondering if maybe I should Dump his sorry butt! - Whoa.

- Do it! Now.

He's probably still out there.

I'll go get him.

Whoa, Ivy, Ivy, wait! I don't mean right now.

I've never broken up with somebody before and I'm kind of nervous about it.

- There's nothing to be nervous about.

- Well, I I don't know.

It's easy.

Look.

Just pretend I'm Derek and break up with me.

If it helps, I'll put a stupid look on my face and breathe through my mouth.

Um No, I'm not gonna practice breaking up with somebody.

I mean, how hard can it be? I just tell Derek how I feel nicely And then we both go on with our lives.

Heh heh.

Whatever.

Okay, could you stop doing that, please? Ehhh, I like it.

It's relaxing.

I feel like my brain's on vacation.

Okay, people, listen up.

The geniuses at corporate have come up with a new menu item.

They are called chicken slivers.

- What's a sliver? Is it like a nugget? - No.

- Is it like a tender? - Nope.

- Does it have chicken in it? - According to legal, The answer to that question is "possibly.

" And remember, they're not just chicken slivers, They are corporal kwikki's chicken slivers, In honor of our founder, corporal bull s.

Kwikki.

- What's he a corporal of? - Lip-smacking goodness.

Which is also the title of his autobiography.

Okay, minimum wagers paychecks.

- Thanks.

- Thank you.

Mitch, aren't we supposed to be making minimum wage? It's the law.

My dad told me about it.

Never talk to your parents! Seriously, guys, what happens here is sacred.

This is a safe place.

Wait a minute.

"minimum" means the least.

We're making less than the least? Okay, doors opening, Let's feed the world, huh? Isn't there something you can do about our salary? - Why me? - You're the smartest one here.

I am? But my foot's in a mop bucket.

Yeah, but you know how to get it out.

I thought we were going to the ice rink.

No.

You can't go anywhere near the ice until you learn the fundamentals.

Sounds boring.

It's not boring.

It's fun! Come on, you can't spell fundamental without "fun.

" You also can't spell it without "mental.

" Okay, fundamental number one: Positioning.

Why is there a pad on the wall? Because I believe in safety first.

- What was that? - That's called checking.

It's not allowed at your level Unless the ref doesn't see you.

- Now you check me.

- No way, you're my mom.

Come on, check me, you little weenie.

That's called avoiding a check.

Get up.

Let's practice your skating.

Okay, I will demonstrate.

Whoosh whoosh whoosh, Nice and easy, just like mama.

- Now you try.

- Okay.

- Not bad.

- Not bad? I'd say I'm pretty good.

Never get comfortable.

- Hey, sweetie pie.

- Hey, dad.

Actually I was Hey, P.J.

- You okay? - I got a big problem at work.

I found out my boss is underpaying us.

And now the staff wants me to do something about it.

- Why you? - I'm the smartest.

Um How exactly was that determined? I don't know.

Probably a secret vote.

Maybe a raffle.

Uh, well, what are you gonna do? I don't know.

- I don't know.

- P.J.! You can't go through life answering every question with "I don't know.

" Really? I have so far and I'm a senior in High School.

Probably a raffle.

Um, look, Son, if you think you deserve more money, Then stand up for yourself.

By the way, your coworkers, they are counting on you To be strong.

Oh man, I just found out I'm smart, Now I have to be strong too? Enjoy your childhood, Charlie.

It does not last forever.

Cookie? P.J.

Wuv a cookie.

Okay Okay okay, he's here.

Oh, Ivy, I don't know if I can do this.

My heart is pounding.

Oh, hi, he sees me! He's waving.

All right, now I'm waving and smiling.

This feels so wrong.

Gotta go.

- Hey there, hi, Derek.

- Hey.

Oh hi, thank you for meeting me.

- Hey, no worries.

- Yeah, uh Well, there might be a few.

Listen, I owe you an apology.

- For what? - For blowing off that whole mini golf thing.

Oh no no no, that's okay.

No! No, it's not.

You're my girl.

If you like mini golf, I should like mini golf.

I don't like mini golf that much.

And speaking of.

- Not liking things - Wait.

Before you say anything else, I've got something for you.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, ha ha.

A leather jacket just like yours.

Yeah, except this one says "d's girl.

" You like it? What's not to like? I mean, I I'm d's girl, now it says so On a jacket.

- Yeah, well, try it on.

- Ooo-kay.

Wow, awesome.

Now when you're on the back of my bike.

Everyone will know who you are.D's girl.

- What's going on? - Mitch, we need to talk.

You found out what's in the chicken? - No.

- You found out what we feed the chickens? - No.

- Is this about the finger in the fingers? - What?! - Why don't you.

Tell me what this is about? - We want a raise.

- A raise.

Okay.

Okay.

We can discuss that at your next salary negotiation.

Which I believe is scheduled for the 5th of Octembruary.

That's not even a real month! Right, P.J.? Look, Mitch, what you're doing is wrong.

And we're not gonna let you get away with it.

- We demand a raise! - And if I don't give it to you.

You're gonna what? Go on strike? - That's exactly what we'll do.

- You're gonna walk right out? If that's what striking is, then yes.

All right.

All right.

Come on, guys.

- You'll be sorry.

- No, we won't.

Uh, I'm kinda sorry.

I left my wallet in the break room.

All right, guys, we're on strike.

Yeah! What do we do now? Uh I don't know.

While we figure out what a strike is, Let's get out of the way and let the customers in.

- Welcome to kwikki chikki.

- Try the slivers! Mom, mom, hi.

- Teddy, what are you doing here? - I need some advice.

Oh honey, I'm working.

Yeah, but this is about my love life.

Oh honey, I think that can wait till tonight.

Nurse Duncan, patient in 312 needs a sponge bath.

Rhonda, can you handle that? I'm dealing with a family crisis right here.

Thank you.

What up, girl? This is what's up.

D's girl? I thought you were gonna break up with Derek? Yeah, I tried, but then he gave me this jacket.

And now I don't know what to do.

Honey, these things are never easy, but the longer.

You let it go on the worse it's gonna be.

Okay, just promise yourself.

The very next time you see Derek, you're gonna break up with him.

Okay.

Okay okay, the very next time.

- Yes.

- Hey! Oh hey, Derek.

What Derek?! - Oh my gosh.

- What happened? Uh, well, I was on my motorcycle.

And then I passed that store that sells Teddy bears.

And I started thinking of you 'cause, well, you're my Teddy bear.

And then I was in someone's backyard.

Not tvery next time.

No bucks, no clucks.

No bucks, no clucks.

No bucks, no clucks.

No bucks, no clucks.

Are you really gonna cross this picket line? You're gonna have to go through her.

Yeah! I say "chikki," you say "icky.

" - Chikki chikki! - Icky icky! How's it going out here, strikers? So, Mitch, are you here to meet our demands? No.

I'm here to meet my new employees.

Welcome to kwikki chikki.

Let's get started right away.

All right, don't worry about washing your hands.

What about us? Oh, good news.

You're all fired.

- That's not fair.

- Tell that to the genius.

That told you to go out on strike.

Thanks a lot, P.J.

Wha guys? This isn't over.

Guys, come back! Well, it looks like it's just you and me, Charlie.

I don't know where you're going.

I'm your ride! Mom, come on! Come on, rookie, let's see what you got.

This is what I got.

Had to play hockey.

Gabe, honey, you're gonna have to do better than that.

If you ever want to set foot on the ice.

Okay, bring it.

Well, dad, I took your advice, made a stand.

Hey, good for you.

And? Everyone got fired.

- That's terrible.

- Yeah.

- I know.

- I'm really sorry.

I I-I can't help feeling kind of responsible for all this.

Well, you are responsible, so your feeling is correct.

Look, there's gotta be somebody you can talk to.

- Go over your boss's head.

- To who? Not even corporal bull s.

Kwikki himself could save us now.

The guy in the ads? He's real? Yeah, of course he's real.

And he really has a horse named "curly fry"? That was a joke in a commercial.

You don't even know your history.

Okay.

- You ready? - Yeah, I'm ready.

All right, just get in there, Break his heart and get out.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- Are you gonna sit down? - Uh, no.

No, um There's something I want to say.

I'm just gonna say it.

This might be a little tough because I know you're into me.

You got me that jacket, but, uh, The thing is I think we should break up.

Uh Okay.

Okay? Yeah, I mean, if if it's what you want.

Yeah, no, that's what I want.

No worries.

Great.

Okay, well - Goodbye.

- Bye.

Okay, sorry, You're taking this really well.

Why is that? I mean, well, if it's not working It wasn't working for me, but it was working for you, right? Sure.

Whatever.

Cool.

Goodbye.

Again.

Okay, I'm sorry.

I'm breaking your heart here.

The polite response.

Would be to show a little bit of emotion! - Hey, how are we doing over here? - Not so great! I just broke up with Derek and he's taking it really well! - But that's good, right? - No! No no, I want him to be devastated.

Why aren't you devastated? Teddy, people are staring.

Oh ho ho, So I'm embarrassing you? No no, you're supposed to be embarrassing me, fella.

- Whoa whoa! - First breakup, people.

Oh no, this breakup's not over! I'm calling you later! Here is your last check.

Do not stay in touch.

I never liked you.

Atten-hut! Corporal bull s.

Kwikki is in the corral.

- What are you doing here? - Excuse me, pardner.

I heard there was some feuding going on down here.

At franchise 157.

Labor dispute.

May I say, corporal, Um, you look somewhat bigger in person.

Uh, yes.

Well, the promotional department.

Thinks I'm more relatable to the peoples.

When I'm all shrunk down like that.

Let me ask you, corporal, Where exactly did you come from? Oh, out yonder.

And exactly which state.

Is yonder in? Sir, that would be the great state of, uh Alabama? Wrong! Everyone knows corporal bull s.

Kwikki.

Is from new Jersey.

- Ow.

- Who is this imposter? Okay, I can explain.

What in tarnation is going on in here? I don't believe it! This is the real corporal kwikki! Come on, how stupid do you think I am? I did not come all the way from the great state of new Jersey.

To have my beard yanked by a troll.

Oh my goodness, it really is you.

Corporal kwikki, it's an honor, sir.

Quit flapping your gums, boy, And give these kids their jobs back.

And pay us what we deserve minimum wage! Done and done.

Now go wrassle me up some Curly fries.

I got a powerful hunger that can only be satisfied.

By the curliest of fries.

How did I do, P.J? Was it Mr.Kern, that was awesome.

Thank you so much.

- Wait a minute.

Mr.Kern your shop teacher? - Yeah.

I'm trying to become the drama teacher.

How do you think I did? - 'cause I think I nailed it.

- Oh, it was awesome.

Howdy, y'all.

Bull s.

Kwikki here.

Dad, you're late.

We got it covered.

For crying out loud! I took off work for this? Hey, Charlie, listen, don't have a lot of time.

Gotta go meet Derek.

We're still breaking up.

Yeah yeah, you know, We'll just we'll continue to break up.

Until he gets it right.

Mom, let's go.

We're gonna be late for my game.

Okay okay okay, I have my thun-glathes, My keyth, my purthe.

What am I mithing? Your teeth.

And who'th responthible for that? Thorry.

Hey, don't you thath me, mister.

Well, in this house.

It's always something.

Hey, don't you thtart! Good luck, Charlie.

Aw, I declare, she is cuter than a duck's butt.

Well, I hope you boys is hungry.

The missus is rustling up some grub.

Anything but chicken, son.

Well played, sir.

Well played.

Well, while we're waiting, how about a song? That's a fine idea.

Do you know any lady gaga? "home on the range" it is.

Oh, give me a home ♪ Where the Buffalo roam ♪ And the deer and the antelope play ♪ Where theldom is heard ♪ A dithcouragin' word ♪ And the thkies are not cloudy all day-eee! ♪.

Back off, gentlemen, That toothless darling's all mine.