02x13 - Charlie Shakes It Up

[bunniefuu]

Okay, it's all set.

Charlie, Teddy and I are going to Chicago this weekend.

- To visit great aunt Nell.

- What's so great about aunt Nell? Calling a relative great just means they're really old.

Right, great dad? Well, I guess I deserve that For quietly sitting here eating my oatmeal.

You guys, don't be ridiculous.

She's not great because she's old, She's great because she's rich.

And if we kiss up to her, she'll put us in the will.

Mom, I don't understand why I have to go and the guys don't.

Because, honey, there's a lot of cash on the line so I'm going with the "a" team.

Ha ha, you made the "a" team! And while we're gone, I want you guys to clean out the attic.

Oh, take that, "b" team! "a" team rules.

Hey! Yeah well, you only get to go to Chicago! We get to go to the attic.

- That's not better.

- I know, "b" team stinks.

Listen up, "b" teamers, I've got something.

Very important to do while the girls are gone, So you two are gonna clean out the attic by yourselves.

What are we supposed to do with all that junk? We could have a yard sale, make some money off it.

No, that's stupid.

Wait a minute.

That's a really good idea.

P.J., I think that's the first good idea you've ever had! What? No, it's not.

He had the Didn't you do the Wow, congratulations.

Well done.

today's all burnt toast ♪ running late, and dad jokes ♪ "has anybody seen my left shoe?" ♪ I close my eyes, take a bite ♪ grab a ride, laugh out loud ♪ there it is up on the roof ♪ I've been there, I've survived ♪ so just take my advice ♪ hang in there, baby ♪ things are crazy ♪ but I know your future's bright ♪ hang in there, baby ♪ there's no maybe ♪ everything turns out all right ♪ your life is up and down ♪ but trust me, it comes back around ♪ you're gonna love who you turn out to be ♪ hang in there, baby.

♪ Whoo, I can't believe I slept the entire flight.

Yeah, you missed Charlie's.

Two-hour rendition of "twinkle, twinkle, little star.

" - Ohhh, sing it again, Charlie.

- No! Oh look.

Aunt Nell sent a car for us.

Isn't that sweet? That's not sweet! That old bat's wasting money that could be ours someday.

You hear that, Charlie? Can you feel the love? Hey, dad No no! Not now.

- What are you watching? - Don't aw, man.

Only the greatest show In the history of television: "higgins & Zork.

" Frank Higgins, hardboiled human Detective.

And his trigger-happy alien partner Zork! Together the two of them go through space.

And they fight intergalactic crime.

This is the important thing.

You had to do while mom was gone? Yes.

Look, when your mom and I first got married, She thought I spent a little too much time watching the show.

And going to conventions.

And buying really cool costumes! But it's not like I have a problem.

Whoa! Can't have these two together.

That is bad blood.

Yeah, you got it under control.

Look, I've only got 72 hours.

To watch all 64 episodes, so what do you guys want? And tell me in 30 seconds or less.

Uh, okay, um, the thing that we want is - 24 seconds.

- Take it, Gabe.

We want to put prices on all the yard-sale stuff.

- Do we have a pricing g*n? - No.

But if you want to see a really cool g*n, Check out Zork's.

No, Zork, stop.

Keep your cool, man.

Neptune is a by-the-book planet.

This is so good.

Whoa, what is this place? Why would the driver take us to a - A tv studio? - I have no idea.

But if aunt Nell's on a spending spree, we've gotta nip this in the bud.

Welcome to "shake it up, Chicago.

" I'm Gary wilde and you must be the fabulous Duncan sisters.

- Oh.

- The what now? The Duncan sisters.

You're performing on the show tonight.

That's funny.

You think that we're Fabulous.

He just said so.

My sister and I are.

So excited about performing on your show.

What are you doing? I'm thanking this wonderful man for putting us on tv.

- And who's this little creature? - Oh, this is Charlie.

She's, um The youngest Duncan sister.

Hi, Gary wilde.

How you doing? A little on the rude side, but okay.

Anyway I can't wait to see you guys do your thing tonight.

About that, gar, what is it.

You can't wait to see us do.

Exactly? My staff tells me your dancing is amazing.

- Dancing? - We're dancers.

We knew that.

Okay.

Is there someplace I could have a word in private.

With my, um - Sister? - Sure.

Show the Duncans to their dressing rooms and take good care of them.

They are the stars of our show.

Did you hear that? I'm a star.

Oh, hi, Mrs.

Dabney.

I'm here for the yard sale.

Uh, it's not till tomorrow.

I know.

I like to get a first sh*t at the good stuff.

Not that I expect you people to have good stuff.

What are you looking for? Anything cat-related.

Cat books, Cat clocks, Cat pictures, - Cat clothes - Yeah yeah, we got it.

Oh! Lucky for you we have.

This genuine wooden Cat bowl.

What makes that a Cat bowl? A Cat could drink out of it.

Or do his business in it.

I knew I was wasting my time.

Wait wait wait, I think we might have something.

Be right back.

So how you been? Do you really care? Just trying to get through an awkward moment.

Here we are.

A Kitty Cat cookie jar.

I might be able to take it off your hands.

- How much you want for it? - Make us an offer.

- You first.

- You first.

Okay, on the count of three, just say your amounts at the same time.

- One, two, three.

- $50.

Okay, all right.

Try again.

This time, guys, Try to be a little more realistic.

One, two, three.

- $49.

- 11¢.

This could take awhile.

Well, it's not as big as we're used to, But it'll do.

- Sisters? - The Duncan sisters.

Have you lost your mind? Teddy, this is my chance to be on tv.

Mom, this is nuts.

We can't do this.

We have to! You know how I've always wanted to be on tv.

Remember when I tried out for that cable show, "so you think you can yodel"? Mm-hmm.

And they decided you couldn't.

Look, the point is I really want to do this.

It's my dream.

I mean, there's just one problem.

We don't know any dance routines.

So? We'll find someone to help us.

Yeah? Like who? - Come in.

- Hey, hi! I'm Rocky and this is Cece.

And we like to come by and welcome our guest stars.

Yeah, and make sure your gift baskets have arrived safely.

Oooh, brownies.

So you guys are the Duncan s-sisters? That's right, we are.

And before you ask, no, we're not twins.

She wasn't gonna ask that.

And this is Charlie, our baby sister.

Aw, Cece, look how cute she is.

Our mother believes you're never too young to absorb the magic.

Oh, mom's kind of a nut log.

You've always been jealous of our mom.

Right, we should get going.

We're dancers on the show.

So if there's anything you need, just let us know.

You're dancers? Actually Uh, there is something you could do for us.

Really? Wow.

No one's actually ever taken us up on our offer before.

Yeah, haven't you guys ever heard of an empty gesture? Hang on one second.

Dad, your pizza's here! H-h-h-hang on.

I've gotta get some money.

- Where's the Kitty Cat cookie jar? - We sold it to Mrs.

Dabney.

- What?! - Yeah, took an hour and a half, We made 10 bucks.

Guys, that cookie jar is where we keep our rainy-day money.

There's $500 in that! Wow, she got a really good deal.

- Go get it back! - How are we supposed to do that? You know what? Not my problem.

Right now I'm in the middle of a two-parter.

Where Higgins and Zork go back in time to save pocahontas.

Thank you.

Dude, how are we gonna get the cookie jar back? I was sorta hoping you'd have another good idea.

Okay.

Okay, I got it.

All right.

So first we find a talking Cat And the well's run dry.

So I was thinking you girls could give us some input.

- On our dance routine.

- Okay, sure.

- Just show us some of your moves.

- Yeah, sis, Let's see what you've got.

Well, I would love to, But with Charlie acting up like this, Yeah, just Maybe you should show us some of your dance moves, That way we can fit into your show's style.

I don't want to come in here and shake it up.

Ha ha.

Good thing you're better dancers than comedians.

I wouldn't be too sure about that.

Well, most of the numbers we do on "shake it up, chicago" are hip hop.

You know, stuff like this.

Ready? - Hey.

- What? Of course we know that stuff.

But could you show us one more time? Where are they? Where are they? Hey hey, guys.

What are you doing here? Sorry, but he wanted to come by and meet the Duncan sisters.

Yeah, I want their autographs.

Okay, so ask them.

They're right here.

Where? Behind these guys? Um, these are the Duncan sisters.

I don't think so.

But for the record, you are delicious.

Oh, this trip just gets better and better.

Uh, Flynn, what are you talkinabout? - Of course these are the Duncans.

- Look, I've got people willing to pay big money for signed pictures of the Duncan sisters.

And they ain't them.

These are.

- I can explain that.

- Oh, come on! When are you gonna just Actually I'd kinda like to hear this myself.

And when we saw how different we looked in the pictures, We said, "mr.

Photographer, you are fired.

Because you did not do a good job at all!" Okay, that's enough dancing.

Everybody, take five.

Okay, um, let me explain something about my sister.

First, she's my mother.

Second, she's always had this dream of being on tv.

And it makes her do some crazy things sometimes.

I'm so sorry.

We'll just grab our stuff and go.

- I'd better go with you.

- Why? For protection.

A babe like you shouldn't be walking around without some muscle.

Forget it, little dude.

You got no sh*t.

Yeah, like that's gonna stop him.

Cece, her mom has the same dream we had.

I mean maybe we should help her.

- What's in it for us? - Well, nothing.

It's just a nice thing to do.

Oh! And then after.

They give us money! No, Cece, we just do it out of the kindness of our hearts.

Okay, now I'm just lost.

- Look, we don't even know if they can dance.

- How bad could they be? Come here.

A five, six, seven, eight.

Wait a minute.

The Duncans may not be great dancers, But they do have one thing going for them.

That people will feel sorry for them.

Okay, two things.

- Whoo! - And big finish, girls.

So where's this valuable piece of art.

You want to trade me for the cookie jar? Here we are.

Feast your eyes on this.

- It's an original.

- No kidding.

It was obviously drawn by a two-year-old.

Hey, I'm 17! I can't believe you made me come all the way over here for this! - Wait.

- Wait, look, We just want our cookie jar back.

It has deep sentimental value to us.

Too bad.

Now it has deep sentimental value to me.

You must have had quite a morning with it.

Did you find anything, perhaps, inside the jar? No, but I found $500 taped to the lid.

That was a pleasant surprise.

And now you're going to be a good person.

And give it back, right? That doesn't sound like me.

Please.

If we don't get it back, we're in big trouble.

Well, I'm not just gonna giyou the cookie jar back.

- I want something in return.

- Like what? Hmm, let's see.

How about dinner and a show? - What do you mean? - Well, I mean I want you to cook me a fancy dinner.

And dazzle me with an entertaining show.

Maybe something else? You could give me a nice long foot massage.

Dinner and a show it is.

All right, come on out, you guys.

Wow, you guys look great.

You have everything but glitter in your hair.

Want to buy some? You guys, this is so exciting! I think that we're actually gonna pull this off.

Or not.

Guys, it's the real Duncan sisters.

- Oh no.

- Oh yes! Time to make some money! I was so close to having my dreams come true.

Oh, everything you worked for over the last half hour.

Is gone.

We have to get rid of them.

Relax, ladies, Deuce has it all under control.

So when he says he has it all under control, Should we be relieved or worried? Yes! Over here, and this is your dressing room.

After you.

Ladies first.

Hey! As long as you have some time on your hands Make it out to Flynn.

That's a "fly" Followed by a "nn-nn"! Here you go, best table in the house.

And if you like it, it's for sale tomorrow.

Bon soir.

For our main course this evening, Ze chef has prepared his own unique creation.

Voila.

A hot dog? That's your idea of a dinner? Wait till you see our idea of a show.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

And thank you for that quiet, But passionate welcome.

Only on the jokes, hon.

So anybody here from out of town? I'll just point to you.

- Not laughing yet.

- I think we're losing her.

Time for the big number.

yankee doodle keep it up, yankee doodle dandy ♪ mind the music and the step and with the girls ♪ be handy! ♪ I've seen enough.

We did our part, so where's the cookie jar? Are you kidding? That wasn't worth $5, never mind $500.

- What else do you want? - Well, Guess it's foot-rubbing time.

Oh look, there's one for each of you.

- Dad, are you okay? - Honestly? I'm a wreck.

I completely forgot about the emotional power.

Of episode 22 where Zork meets his half-human brother.

Zork?! Are you watching "higgins & Zork," The greatest tv show of all time? Are you a zorkie? Look! You are! I've got all 64 episodes downstairs! And if you want to see them, all it will cost you is one Kitty Cat cookie jar.

- Deal! - Is it okay with you, dad? - Does Zork hate venusians? - Ahhhhh! Hey, everybody, and now a real treat! The "shake it up, chicago" dancers with special guests.

The Duncan sisters! get on your feet right now ♪ break out ♪ you know I look good in stripes ♪ take my picture with my number ♪ I tried, but this ain't the time ♪ I can't stand it any longer ♪ oooh, baby, I've got to break out ♪ oooh, baby, I've got to break out ♪ jailbreak, sweet escape ♪ let's bust the walls down ♪ jailbreak, sweet escape ♪ get off the ground ♪ jails can't hold me ♪ in two-three-four I'll be out the door ♪ break out! ♪ got to break out, break out! ♪ got to break out, tiptoe slowly ♪ when they call "lights out" I'll hit the floor ♪ break out, got to break out ♪ break out, got to break out ♪ can't catch me 'cause I'm cool ♪ can't catch me 'cause I'm cool ♪ break out! ♪ jails can't hold me ♪ in two-three-four, I'll be out the door ♪ break out, got to break out ♪ break out, got to break out ♪ break out! ♪ Oh, I gotta admit that was pretty cool.

I know.

They love me.

We'll be right back after this.

That was awesome, you guys.

We're available next week.

And the week after that.

Yeah, but not right now.

Oh goodness.

We gotta go.

Okay, goodbye, Chicago! Here, let's go.

Good luck, Charlie! Well, Charlie, Chicago was good and bad.

Mom finally got on tv Good.

Aunt Nell changing her will.

To leave all her money to pet schnauzer mitzi Bad.

Um, as for me, I'm just glad to be back home.

Where everything's normal.

What are you looking at? I don't know.

I am commander toura.

Not helping.

Well, that's just about as normal as it gets around this house.

So good luck, Charlie.

So did you bring me anything from Chicago? Oh yeah, I didn't forget about you.

- Wait until you see what I - Hey! You got me girls? No, I got you a t-shirt! What are you guys doing in there? - We really wanted to see Denver.

- Yeah, it's really nice.

- Oh, I'm glad you liked it.

- What? No, wait! Maybe I put it in my carry-on.

Oh! Hey, babe, miss me? - No.

- What? Okay, if that Deuce kid comes out of my purse, I'm gonna scream.

Well I'll just stay in here.

Ooh, mints!