01x10 - No Small Parts

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

RANSOM: The Cerritos is
in orbit around Beta III.

Back in the day, these guys worshipped

a violent god called
Landru, who suppressed

their creativity and made
them k*ll each other,

until Kirk figured out it
was actually a computer.

Get this.

At some point, these knuckleheads went

back to worshipping Landru.

Captain Freeman has been

setting them straight all morning.

I can't believe you all started

re-worshipping the dang computer.

Well, Landru's very persuasive.

LANDRU: Consume the
intruders! Obey Landru!

Hey, don't make me paradox
you into destroying yourself.

LANDRU: Landru apologizes.

[GROANS] This is
literally the exact thing

Captain Kirk taught you.

Maybe write it down this time?

Cerritos, two to beam up.

Well, I like purging
people during the red hour.

I'm going to keep doing it.

Dude, there is no more red hour, okay?

- Let it go.
- But I just bought a new scythe.

Ugh, Landru.

I know, it's always
weird revisiting planets

- from the TOS era.
- TOS?

It's what I call the s.

Stands for "those old
scientists"... you know, Spock,

Scotty, those guys. Seems
like they were stumbling

on crazy new aliens
every week back then.

Nothing against second contact missions,

but the Cerritos should be popping in

on those legacy civilizations
before they unravel.

Yeah, but "popping in"
is against regulation.

We would need specific orders.

I just hate seeing a perfectly
good society get destroyed

by a Gamester of Triskelion or whatever,

because Starfleet has a
policy of some intervention.

- Set coordinates for Starbase .
- Sorry, Captain,

but we still have crew on Beta III.

I didn't authorize that. Who is it?

Art supplies! Get your art supplies!

We got paints, we got brushes,

we got a spiky, pencil,
twirl-around thingy.

Boost your creativity! Express yourself!

Stop praying to a computer!

Hoo boy, incoming lecture in five,

four...

Who wants crayons? Here you go, kid.

Way better than the red hour.

Since when do you break protocol?

I'm just tired of you getting
to do all the good stuff

while I stick to the rules.

RANSOM: Ensign Boimler? Do you read?

Whoa-ho-ho, look at Brad
Boimler being cool for once.

[GASPS] Wait, is this
because of my teachings?

Okay, you don't teach.
You just instigate chaos.

Exactly... helpful,
character-building chaos.

RANSOM: I can hear you, can you hear me?

MARINER: Aw, Boims! I
thought you were gonna

get stuck in middle management,

like this pathetic little
fly in amber, like...

- Oh, like Ransom!
- I am not a little fly in amber!

What did it, huh? My constant mockery?

My non-stop prodding? My
downright-dangerous hazing?

No, no. Look.

If you have to know, I found
out about your secret.

You mean never eating after
: ? it's a miracle, right?

I mean, it does work, you should try it.

Captain Freeman is your mom.

Yeah, I don't, I don't know
what you're talking about.

Oh, come on, Mariner.
The captain's your mom.

Your dad's an admiral.

You're basically Starfleet royalty.

How cool is that?

Shut the [BLEEP] up right now, Boimler.

- Shut your [BLEEP] mouth.
- This is a good thing!

Now we can both do some good
and you'll just, you know,

keep us out of trouble with your mom...

- What?! No that is not how...
- I just don't understand

- why it's such a secret.
- Move!

I'd be telling everyone.

Dude, I do not want people
knowing my mom is my mom!

Okay, okay. I'm not gonna tell a soul.

I'm being serious! Shut up!

So, uh, does Captain Mommy give you,

uh, sweet little captain kisses?

[SMOOCHING]

[SCREAMING]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Plasma ring scan is complete,

- Captain Dayton.
- Oh, yeah.

I loved the Rubidoux, but nothing beats

a brand new ship... hey!

Who peeled this film
off the weapons panel?!

Come on, guys!

I want the Solvang to be
perfect for as long as possible.

Hey! Take those shoes off right now!

What?

- Aah! What the hell was that?!
- We're being fired upon.

- Raise shield, red alert.
- Get us out of here!

Shields at ten percent.

Direct hit to main engines.

- [ALARM SOUNDING]
- Warp! Now!

Ah! I can't believe I get

to be orientation liaison
for a new recruit.

I am going to show her so many ropes.

Hello? Rutherford?

Sorry. Just trying to
adjust this little thingy

on my implant's attitude selector.

Crazy about Mariner
and the captain, right?

Oh, man, Captain Freeman Day

is gonna be super awkward this year.

[BOTH YELL]

There's the shuttle!

Huh. Look at this new button!

Optimistic mode? This
is going to be great!

But... sexy mode? Mmm.

Don't mind if I do. [LAUGHS]

[ENGLISH ACCENT]: 'Ello. Chim
chimurri. What's all this then?

[WHIRRING, TRILLING]

Aw, it's beautiful!

Oh, there she is... the
little robot exocomp!

Oh, my gosh. Hi. Are you Ensign Tendi?

Oh, my gosh. Yes, I am! And
I'm so happy you're here!

I'm happy to be here!
[LAUGHS] This is so exciting!

Ooh-wee! Howdy there. Now
I'm talking like a cowboy.

- That was a weird thing to say!
- It sure was!

Ugh. Why did we ever keep
this a secret in the first place?

Ugh! I just wanted to
fly under the radar!

And I didn't want anyone to
know the most demerited officer

in the fleet was my daughter.

Well, Wesley Crusher
worked with his mom.

Maybe everybody'll be cool about it.

Captain, captain's daughter...
Uh, I mean Mariner.

Oh, what is it, Jack?

Captain, I'm putting together a list

of candidates for the
Sacramento promotion.

I'd love your input. May I just say

I am very sorry if I ever treated you

with anything other than admiration.

Oh, shut up, Ransom!
You're such a suck-up!

From now on, I'll make sure
to give you special attention.

No! Be as hard on her as you always are!

- Yeah, be hard on me!
- I'm only hard on you

when you make me hard! I mean,
I'm-I'm not hard right now!

I mean, I could... I could
get hard, if I wanted to,

but I'm not hard right now. I'm
so sorry! You're both great!

Ugh!

I heard she's the captain's daughter.

[INDISTINCT WHISPERING]

Hey, Mariner, I'm Lieutenant Levy.

We went on a date last year.
I don't know if you recall.

Yeah, Steve, I remember.

You said Wolf was an inside job.

[LAUGHING]: It totally was.
So, hey, I was wondering,

could give this to your mom for me?

It's just a few ideas I threw
together on how to decorate

- the captain's yacht.
- Fine. Whatever.

You're the best. Thanks, Mariner.

Changelings aren't real. The
Dominion w*r didn't happen!

- Hey, Mariner! Okay, can you just?
- [GROANING]

- Oh, okay, little closer.
- Hey, don't log that, all right?

I don't want to see
that up on the... Oh!

Hey! This is a service corridor,
not a social club, Ensign.

Sorry, Doc. Won't happen again.

You think your mom would be okay

with me and Shaxs making
a little love connection?

I'd love to snag that Bajoran
beefsteak with my coital hooks.

Captain, we've received
a partial distress call

from the Solvang.

I guess Captain Dayton's
still getting used

to the controls in her new ship.

Sir, the signal originated
in the Kalla system.

Well, there isn't anything
distressing there.

The Titan is also within range.

No. Let them know that
we have it. [LAUGHS]

Dayton's going to hate
that we came running

to her rescue because
someone leaned on a button.

[GRUNTING]

Oh, this sucks.

Yo, yo, Mariner!

I was just crossing through
the, um, lower decks,

and I replicated you some hand pies.

Hand... What is a hand pie?
You know what? No thank you.

- Ooh, key lime? Mmm. Mmm.
- I won't be able

to do any of my usual
sneaky Robin Hood stuff

now that everybody's
paying attention to me.

Yesterday, he literally
didn't know my name.

He called me "Jen". Who
here is named "Jen"?!

Ugh. You are so right. He
was clearly kissing your butt.

It's not like he had a prewritten letter

of recommendation which
would save you so much time

since all you had to do is sign it.

- Oh, Boimler, not you!
- Ransom's picking someone

to promote to the
Sacramento. I need an edge!

Dude, I thought you
were done being lame!

Yeah, but it's the Sac.
That's a huge career boost!

And didn't you say you'd
get me in a captain's chair?

Mariner! Looking good, girlfriend!

Get phased, Lundy.

Wait. No one would know
me on the Sacramento.

I'd be a nobody again, like you!

I'm not a nobody. I...

Maybe I should apply to the Sacramento.

I don't know. They might be looking

for someone a little less
criminally insubordinate.

Good call. I'd better start
adjusting my attitude, sir.

- Ew. Don't call me "sir".
- Yes, sir.

- Don't.
- You technically outrank me, sir.

- BOIMLER: What are you doing? Stop it.
- Is that an order?

- BOIMLER: Yes. I mean, no.
- Permission to go to my station, sir?

- You have a station?
- Ha-ha! Good one, sir. Mm-hmm.

Nobody's gonna fall for that.

- [YELPS]
- I want to give Mariner a present!

That's a processing hub,

and that's a pattern-buffer
maintenance hatch.

So, hey, um, do you want
me to call you "Exocomp",

or do you have an alpha-numeric name,

like TT ?

[SCOFFS] No. I didn't
want to sound robotic.

I wanted to be called something normal,

so I analyzed all Federation languages

and calculated a
mathematically perfect name.

- What is it?
- Peanut Hamper.

Peanut Hamper?

I love it!

♪ ♪

Heading to Commander Ransom's office?

- Cut it out.
- Cut what out, sir?

I'm heading there as well, to explain

why I should be promoted
over to the Sacramento.

You know, Ransom's not
just some meathead.

He's gonna see right through you.

Boimler, your record is spotless.

It's freaky.

Thank you, sir. There
is more on the back.

On the other hand, Mariner
is the captain's daughter.

Mm, sort of stuck between a rock

and a kiss-ass place, aren't we, sir?

[GROANS] Boimler, you're so promotable,

but I live to serve the captain.

[FRUSTRATED GRUNT] I
can't think until I work out.

You've been lifting this whole time.

Get out of here!

I'm trying to think...!

Ooh!

[CHUCKLES]: Hmm, dilithium.

It's better than I thought.

Dang it! Aw, sh**t. Ooh, ooh.

[CHUCKLES]: Sorry. Ensign
Klutz reporting for duty.

Ah, Peanut Hamper is such
an innocent little robot.

I got to make sure she
doesn't get overwhelmed

during our shift, you know,
since she doesn't have

- any hands.
- With you watching out for her,

- I'm sure she'll do great.
- Whoa. Are you mad at me?

I just think that Dr. T'ana's
going to be mean, and...

[YAWNS]: I'm not.
I'm just trying to click

this attitude button until
I get back to normal.

Just make sure you treat Peanut Hamper

the same as you would
anyone else. [GASPS]

- TENDI: But she's not like anyone else.
- [GIGGLES] Oopsy-daisy.

She's been trying to pick those
tubes up this whole time.

How's she supposed to do medical stuff?

Oh! Dang it!

T'ANA: All right, here
comes the messy part.

Any slight error here can
result in instant death.

Um, Dr. T'ana, just a heads-up
that Peanut Hamper might have

- a little bit of trouble with...
- [LOW BUZZING]

Oh. Oh, wow.

Peanut Hamper, this is some
of the best micro-suturing

I've ever seen.

I downloaded all your journal
articles. I learned a lot.

Oh, I-I could help you
with that leg if you want.

Tendi, hang back. I
don't want you to get

in Peanut Hamper's way. Ooh.
What did you just do there?

It's a new skin graft technique
I've been developing.

- It uses half the skin.
- Oh, can you show me how to do it?

- TENDI: Can I... can I see?
- Yeah, look at that right there.

See how the flesh just folds together?

T'ANA: [BLEEP]-A I do!

Wow. Doc is really
taking to Peanut Hamper.

Hey, don't worry. I'm sure
you'll still have a lot to do.

I mean, for example, you know,
we could start working on me,

getting me back up on my feet.

Worry? I'm her liaison.

Peanut Hamper fitting in
is my greatest victory!

Meld that flesh, girl!

Melding away! [GIGGLES]

Ah. "Tips for Remaining
Starfleet Uniform Compliant".

The Starfleet Manual?
Who are you kidding?

It is so messed up that you're trying

to cheat me out of a promotion.

How am I cheating? You're always

telling me to be like this.

I meant to actually try sometimes!

- Not to profit off of nepotism.
- Nobody would know Freeman's my mom

if you hadn't ratted me out,

so why don't you go
ahead and blame yourself?

- No! I blame you!
- And I blame you right back!

♪ ♪

Red alert.

Shields up.

[GRUNTING]

[expl*si*n]

Collision alert. Impacts on
Decks Three, and .

My God! Is that the Solvang?

RANSOM: I'm not reading any life signs.

The whole crew, they've been wiped out.

They're harvesting the wreckage!

Evasive maneuvers.

- Shields at %.
- Send out a distress call,

- all frequencies.
- They're jamming communications.

SHAXS: Captain, they've
latched onto the port nacelle

with some sort of mining arm.

- Go to warp. Get us out of here!
- No! Shut down engines.

But we'll be sitting ducks.

Dayton would have
thought the same thing,

and look what happened
to them. Shut it down!

[ALL YELLING]

[BOTH GASP]

MARINER: Mom!

I-I'm okay.

Auxiliary power back online.

Ha-ha-ha! I thought the
Enterprise was strong.

We are strong.

This isn't the Enterprise.
This is the Cerritos.

We thought you were the Enterprise.

Pakleds? What the hell do you want?

We want your ship pieces
to add to our ship pieces,

so that we have all the ship pieces!

Look, just stop this senseless
att*ck, and let's discuss...

JACKABOG: No!

No.

We are strong!

We will cut your ship apart!

[GROANS] This doesn't make any sense.

The Pakleds aren't this powerful.

I thought they were kind of a joke.

Yeah, you guys aren't wrong.

Pakleds would fake distress calls

so they could steal technology

from anyone who showed up
to help, but I'm detecting

weapons from over different species.

Ah, looks like they're
not a joke anymore.

[SCREAMING]

They're phasering the hull!

Carving us up like a
First Contact Day salmon.

No engines, no weapons, fighting
an enemy we don't understand.

We're out of options!

Then I need someone to make me some.

Me? What am I supposed to
do? I-I don't know these guys.

Do what you do best.

I need a dangerous, half-baked solution

that breaks Starfleet codes
and totally pisses me off.

- [ALERT BLARING]
- That's an order.

Boimler, what kind of computer
systems do the Pakleds use?

They steal components
from other cultures,

which means their code base

- would have to be wide open.
- You catch that, Rutherford?

We need a virus that takes
advantage of a trusting system!

MARINER: Exactly. Wait,
why are you so chipper?

[SINGSONGY]: Implant stuff!

They've got us outgunned,
and they know it.

But they're taking their time.

If we can plant a virus in their system,

we can cr*pple their ship.

Who here could whip up a code like that?

They'd have to be some sort
of morally bankrupt genius.

Ha-ha! Computer, start program
Rutherford Training Beta . .

Can I teach you a lesson?

[CHUCKLES] Badgey! I need
you to code a virus for me.

Hmm, to do that, I would need
you to disable safety protocols.

[CHUCKLES] Wait.

You're not gonna try to
k*ll me again, are you?

Ha-ha! I'm Badgey!

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] Uh, fine.

Computer, disable safety protocols.

Oh, yeah! There we go.

Hello, Father.

I've already created three viruses

that would disable Pakled technology.

You were monitoring comms?

Oh, I'm always monitoring comms.

- The packet needs to be input manually.
- Ho-ho-ho!

Somebody's gonna have
to board their ship!

You know it!

Intruders beaming in!

Very slowly beaming in.

We've got to go!

We have to get to the armory!

Looks like we'll have to repel
them the old-fashioned way.

Setting my fists to stun
and my kicks to k*ll.

[GRUNTS]

Uh, guys, right here. Yep.
Great stuff in that one.

All the way in back there?

How much contraband have
you hidden on my ship?

I don't know. A lot.

♪ ♪

[SHOUTING]

[GRUNTING]

Side roll. Side roll.

Double hand punch!

[GRUNTING]

[SHOUTS]

- Pakled!
- Mariner, in case we don't make it...

- We're making it.
- I wasn't mad that you were stealing

the Sacramento promotion.

I apply for those all the time.

- Nothing ever comes of it.
- [GROANS]

- What? Then why were you freaking out?
- [GRUNTS]

Because you would have gotten
it. And I'd-I'd miss you, okay?

You're my best friend.

Oh, haven't you shared
enough secrets today?

Just shut up!

- [FREEMAN GRUNTING]
- Pakled!

[GROANING]

[CACKLING]

[GRUNTS] Mom!

Ransom, get our backs!

Way ahead of you! [GRUNTS]

My head!

[YOWLS, CLEARS thr*at] Sorry.

I mean get the captain to
the biobed, quick, quick!

[GROANS] Did we save the Cerritos?

Working on it.

Ooh, I got it. One illegal virus.

[SINGSONGY]: But someone
has to take it to the ship.

But who's small enough to go undetected?

Yeah, and who could survive
in space without a ship?

Someone who can travel with
the program safely stored

in her hard drive. [GASPS]

ALL: Peanut Hamper!

You can load the code into their ship

using your robotic abilities.

Oh, my gosh, Peanut Hamper,

you're gonna save the day!

Eh, I'm gonna pass.

I-I'm sorry, what?

All that stuff sounded way too scary.

What about "the needs of the many"?

I joined Starfleet to piss off my dad,

not to be a virus b*mb.

Peanut Hamper, this is not cool!

- We're all going to die!
- Peanut Hamper!

There are so many lives at stake!

You know what? I'm just
going to beam myself out

of this whole sitch.

Sucks to be organic.

Enjoy having all your
guts fly out or whatever!

You know what? Peanut
Hamper is a stupid name!

- That little [BLEEP].
- [GASPS]

Oh, my gosh. I'm back! I just
clicked myself back to normal.

Let me just upload this. Whoa!

Ugh, feels like an ice cream headache.

[GRUNTS] Okay. Now I just
need to get on that ship.

Wait, no! I-It's too dangerous.

You must be in a heroic bravery mode

or something. Keep clicking your button.

L-Let me click it.
Click-click your button.

No, Tendi, this is normal me.

- I've got this.
- And I've got you.

Rutherford!

[GRUNTING]

You know I can run on my own.

[BOTH GRUNT]

[EXCLAIMS, LAUGHS]

- [SHAXS LAUGHING]
- [RUTHERFORD SCREAMING]

This is the best day of my life!

- Eat this!
- No, no, no, no, no!

[BOTH PANTING]

Linked up. Come on, come on.

- [GRUNTING, LAUGHS]
- [INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

Virus downloaded. Yes,
yes, yes, yes, yes, y...

Download slowing to a crawl?

- Wait, why?
- Sorry, but no virus

until after these guys k*ll you.

- What? Why?
- Because you snapped my neck!

- What's the holdup?
- RUTHERFORD: Damn it, Badgey,

we don't have time for
this, okay? Do it now!

You want me to disable their systems?

Fine. I'll do it...

explosively!

[GASPS] He's gonna blow us up!

Not if I have something
to scream about it.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Stop it! He's mine!

Hang in there, baby bear!

[SHOUTS]

[STRAINING]

- Ah, there we go.
- [LAUGHS]

[ALARM BLARING]

BOIMLER: Ah, they did it!
They got clear of the blast.

Bringing main power back on line.

All invaders have been... [GRUNTS]

...neutralized.

FREEMAN: As soon as the engines

are back on line, get
us the hell out of here.

And hey, don't get too
comfortable in my chair.

[CHUCKLES] Yes, sir.

No, no, no, no, there's more of them!

[BOIMLER SCREAMS]

We have you now, Enterprise.

[METAL CREAKING]

[GRUNTS] All hands to escape pods.

Prepare to abandon ship.

Wait. Incoming ship?

It's the Titan!

Oh, no! It's another Enterprise.

Red alert! A Pakled party,
and I wasn't invited?

[EXHALES] It's about time
you showed up, Will.

Mariner? This makes us even.

- [GASPS] You know Riker?
- Yeah.

Who do you think hooks me
up with all my contraband?

Dude is flush with Romulan ale, illeg...

- I'm sorry, what was that?
- [CHUCKLES]: Uh...

We're still at red alert.
Target those ships and fire!

We're talking about this later.

[PAKLED GROANS]

Make us go.

Go, guys, go!

- BOIMLER: They're retreating! Yes!
- [ALL CHEERING]

♪ ♪

FREEMAN: No, no,

I don't want any cosmetic changes

- to the Cerritos.
- Are you sure?

Because I could add some jazzy
reflective panels and big...

No. I hate it when a ship gets repaired

and comes out looking
all Sovereign-class.

I want her to look almost
like she usually does.

TENDI: All right,

we have a good one today.

Chapter : Fluidic systems
and how to reroute them.

- [CLEARS THROAT]
- [GROANS] Fluidics are so messy.

[GASPS] Rutherford, you're awake. Oh!

- I knew you'd be okay!
- What?

- What happened?
- You saved the Cerritos!

Oh, I did? Wow! That's pretty cool.

- Are you my nurse?
- Nurse? [LAUGHS]

No, they just have
been giving me time off

so I could sit with you.

Oh, sweet. Nice to meet you.

I'm Rutherford.

Oh, your implant.

I-It must have damaged
your long-term memory.

Do you remember me at all?

Well, no. But don't take it personally.

I don't remember what I don't remember.

[CRYING]

You know what this means, right?

We get to become best
friends all over again!

Okey-dokey.

♪ ♪

We'll never forget
Lieutenant Shaxs's sacrifice.

He's with the Prophets now.

[SIGHS] I can't even begin to imagine

- how I'm going to replace him.
- Well,

wherever he is, I'm sure
he's full-throat screaming

in someone's face and
ejecting a warp core.

I'd like to think you're right.

Ensign Beckett Mariner,

beamed down to Beta III
without authorization.

Oh, what, seriously?

Contraband hidden throughout the ship.

Illegal weapons,
illicit dr*gs, a tribble?

Yeah. That's for personal use.

I've got a whole year's worth

of your insubordinations right here.

Well, without those "insubordinations",

- we'd all be dead right now.
- I know.

Did you know Starfleet considers
Beta III a known culture?

They had no idea the
Betans had regressed.

And the Pakleds? Well,

the Pakleds m*rder*d the
entire crew of the Solvang

because everyone
assumed they were a joke.

Yeah, well, that's Starfleet.

Good at observing and
bad at maintaining.

You know, we can't just assume
people are gonna keep doing

the right thing a
generation down the road.

I agree. But as captain,

I can't ignore protocol.
I'd lose my command.

You, on the other hand...

You see a problem, you can solve it.

Wait, are you saying work
together for a change?

Might be useful to have a
captain on your side, you know?

Instead of up your ass. What do you say?

Uh, I think we're both
getting thrown in the brig.

[CHUCKLES] Let's not tell your father.

Oh, that's Mariner. We
work with her. Mariner!

- Over here! Hi.
- [GRUNTS] Carol.

I guess those Cali-class ships

can hold their own
longer than people say.

[CHUCKLES] Thanks for
the assist, Captain.

No need to be so formal.
You know, I was her mentor.

Uh, yeah, well, I
remember it differently.

You were sort of my cha'DIch.

We used to get in so much trouble.

- FREEMAN: "We"?
- [CHUCKLES]: Deanna,

can you introduce me to any
of your Betazoid friends?

Jack, I sense you
exaggerate your confidence

in order to mask an ocean of insecurity.

Oh! Will they sense that, too?
I can make that work for me.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, you made a dog?

Yeah, and it could fly. Ooh, ooh, ooh!

And another time, we
stole a bunch of T- s.

Aw, man! The scanners
with the purple stripe?

Those are amazing. What else did we do?

I just wanted to say, I was wrong.

I'm glad we followed our guts today.

You are my mentor.

[COUGHS] Whatever, nerd. Come on,

we can hang without
me being your mentor.

- I thought you wanted that.
- Eh, my target kind of moves.

Well, from now on, no more
being obsessed with rank.

Time to start appreciating
what I have right here.

Hey, you know what?
I like this new Boimler.

Good work today, Boomler. Ransom
says you're one of his best.

[LEG THUDS]

Thank you, Captain Riker, sir!

Hey, how about you buy me a drink?

You know, since we're even? Remember?

The thing with the aliens
where I saved your ass?

MARINER: We are not even,
and we don't use money.

What's happened to you,
man? You used to be sharp.

Boimler, you backstabbing little weasel!

Yeah, next time I see you, I'm
gonna kick your [BLEEP] ass.

I cannot believe that
you took a promotion

to the mother[BLEEP] Titan! Call me.

Hey, Brad. We got to scoot. [CHUCKLES]

So get your boots and strap 'em up,

'cause the captain wants us

to escort Commander Troi to Tulgana IV.

Ooh, I hear the Klingon
district's intense.

There's a bar in Andoria
Town you guys would love.

Whoa, you've been there?

Yeah. I can show you around if you want.

Dude, your PADD is blowing
up. Who is messaging you?

She's just an old friend.
She kind of got mad

when I took the promotion
here. Eh, she'll get over it.

MARINER: Boimler! You can't
keep ducking me forever.

It is a really small galaxy out there.

Sooner or later, I'm gonna run
into you, and I'm gonna feed you

- to an Armus! You hear me?
- JEN: Hey, psycho, keep it down.

- We're trying to sleep.
- MARINER: Oh, shut up, Jen.

I'm sorry I'm late.

I was watching the first Enterprise

on the holodeck. You know,
Archer and those guys?

What a story. Those guys had a long road

getting from there to here.

Course set for the
Tulgana system, Captain.

Awaiting your command.

Ah, Tulgana IV.

You know, they have a Little Risa.

Oh, so then should we
take the little horga'hn?

No. Let's take the one we always use.

- [CLEARS THROAT]
- Right. Give me warp

in the factor of five,
six, seven, eight.

TROI: Oh, the jazz.

♪ ♪

Help! Help!

You might wanna hold on to something.

This world

feels like a dream.

A strange, terrible, beautiful dream.

Everything is different.

I am different.

I promise you...

...for real.

[MAN IMITATES WEAPONS f*ring]:
Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew.

Chirp.