03x01 - Out of Town

[bunniefuu]

I'd put you through that window.

Last season on Mad Men.

He's leaving me for a secretary.

I want you to be my wife.

You've an office.
I'm the Head of the Tv.

Damn it Don.
I know you having an affair.

- It's okay.
- Greg! No.

It's man

Don't come home. I don't care
what you do. I just don't want you here.

What if I were to bring you
every account of Sterling Cooper?

I ruined everything.

I had your baby.

- And I gave it away.
- Why would you tell me that?

You bought us.
We dont't expect autonomy.

I'm pregnant.

Do you know how hard I've prayed?

Why does he make me suffer?

God will give you a child.

Let me see her.

So you k*lled another one.

Because you had nothing
to do with this.

Maybe you ought to stay off her
once in a while.

Get out, you witch!

I've got 85,

and my boots are off.

You don't have a sheep.

I'll get one,

but that'll be another quarter

and this is all I have.

Go wash yourself.

You get me in trouble

I'm gonna cut your d*ck off
and boil it in hog fat.

I'm gonna cut his d*ck off...

I'm gonna cut his d*ck off
and boil it in hog fat.

What was that, sweetheart?

I'm cold.

Do you want to hold him?

I'm gonna cut his d*ck off
and boil it in hog fat.

It's midnight.

What do you want?

I told you God would give
you a child.

Whose is it?

Is your husband home?

God is giving you a child.

His name is d*ck,

after a wish his mother
should've lived to see.

Come on. Drink this.

You know, there's no point
in both of us not sleeping.

She wakes up at night
when I drop off.

Are you so sure it's a girl?

Well, believe me,
she knows what she wants.

I packed your valise.

- I could have done that.
- Well, you'll get a chance...

The clasp was broken.

Carla said she saw Sally
hitting it with a hammer.

She's taken to your tools
like a little lesbian.

Am I ever going to sleep again?

At least you don't look tired.

I just want everything
to be perfect.

I want her to come
into our home at its best.

Close your eyes.

You're on a warm sandy beach...

Because I'm a whale.

You're on a warm

sandy beach.

You can smell the faint scent
of coconut oil.

And as you slide your hands,

you feel that cold patch of sand
underneath the shadow

of your deck chair.

You're good at this.

Hello?

Yes, but on occasion,

you have to resign yourself
to sleeping where you are.

That's why they sell
subway tokens, silly.

You look lovely today.

Thank you.

Are you here to see me?

No, I'm just verifying
some information.

Thank you, lola.

He just always stops
by concerning the strangest things.

- Yesterday it was my engagement ring.
- Enough, Lola.

You know there's something
about the way he talks.

I could listen to him
read the phone book.

When he gets to "s"

I need Howard Sullivan
at Lever Brothers.

Remarkable.

I picked it for its sensuality,

but it also in some way

reminds me of our business.

Who is the man who imagined
her ecstasy?

Who indeed?

We were just talking about you.

Burt's on his way. Where's Roger?

Probably taking another
Grecian treasure out of its crate.

I apologize for Baltimore.

It has to be done.

It's a sales call.
Isn't there more I can do here?

It's not a sales call.

You're the face of our business.

They need someone they can trust.

London fog...

How ludicrous.

Really? I have one.

- So do I.
- No, of course...

It's just the name.

There is no fog in London.

There is no London fog.

- Are you sure about that?
- Quite.

Never was.

It was the coal dust
from the industrial era...

Charles Dickens and whatnot.

Mr. Cooper, Mr. Peterson is
here to see you.

- Come on in, Burt.
- Hey, Don.

Bert, Lane.

We need you to have a seat, Burt.

You got a blindfold too?

This isn't easy.

It really isn't.

Oh God.

I really thought I'd made it.

I know it's unkind,
but it's generous and it's fair.

Why the hell did you wait so long?

It was brought to our attention
that your wife was undergoing radiation.

We thought it decent to wait.

That was decent.

Sorry I'm late.

Did I miss anything?

Sad meeting.

Sorry about that.

It wasn't easy.

We'll see how you do
without my Rolodex.

- We're going to take that risk.
- You make me sick.

You're the dying empire.

- We're the future.
- Burt, control yourself.

I'm the Head of Accounts, damn it!

I'm sure we'll regret it.

I'm serious.

See you on the bread lines, fellas.

Is that the last of it?

Because I don't like how much
I'm getting to used to these.

I don't know anything
you don't know.

You understand there's no point ever
in making over $40,000

when you'll be taxed 69%?

You're working for them.
And God forbid you really make it...

- Everything over 70 grand is 81%.
- Even if you're married?

Fellow comrades in mediocrity,

I want you to listen
very carefully.

You can all go straight to hell.

I heard he's going
in-house at Nabisco.

- You're sure it's not starting again?
- Mr. Campbell's office.

- What?
- I'll let him know.

- The firings.
- Mr. Campbell,

Mr. Pryce wants to see you.

I'm at lunch.

I'll bring you a doggy bag.

Holy crap.

You couldn't have pulled me
aside to say that?

I'm sure it's nothing.

How the hell am I supposed
to live like this?

Drop dead, you limey vulture!

Son of a bitch!

I assume you can continue
handling this beautifully

while I dispense psychotherapy
to the girls in the pool.

You americans don't know
how to handle your emotions.

- It's unbecoming.
- His wife is sick,

and if you had talked to his girl,
she would've informed him.

So he would've had a long walk
to Mr. Cooper's?

And if you had talked to me,
I would have been waiting with his coat

and his Rolodex.

While we're
on the topic of decorum,

I'd like to speak to you about the way
I'm being addressed.

Could you be more specific?

The switchboard. I'm not John.

I'm Mr. Hooker.

That's the way they've been taught
to address the secretaries.

As I've explained,
in Great Britain...

A truck is a lorry,
and an elevator is a lift.

I've got it, mr. Hooker.

Despite your title,
you are not a secretary.

I'm Mr. Pryce's right arm.

I'm not his typist.

Of course.

I assume you will let him know when
Mr. Peterson has left the building.

- How are we today?
- Very well, thank you.

Burt Peterson's left the agency.

- Really?
- Yes.

I can't speak for everyone here,

but I like you.

And I like you.

But you don't know me.

But I will make that effort if given
the opportunity.

Pardon?

I apologize that I haven't been
more welcoming, socially.

It seemed until
your wife arrived...

I didn't want to make it awkward
with a threesome.

Although, now that I think of it perhaps
your being alone is all the more reason

- I should've offered my hospitality.
- Do have a seat.

Why?

Is something wrong?

I don't know. You just removed the head
of my department and now

you're offering me a chair.

How cruel of me.

I wanted to inform you
that you're now Head of Accounts.

- Excuse me?
- It seemed like the right thing to do,

despite your lack of hospitality.

The specifics are pending,
as is the announcement.

Is this really happening?

I need to know it's certain.

Oh yes, but...

Wonderful.

Thank you.

Splendid.

Well, it turns out
things are splendid.

- That's good.
- Could you get my wife on the phone?

I have Mrs. Campbell for you.

- How are you sweetheart?
- What are you doing?

I told you this morning

I'm having luncheon with the docents'
committee from the met.

- How are they?
- Since when do you care?

Since I was made Head of Accounts.

Oh my goodness.

- That's wonderful!
- It really is.

I knew it would happen
one day for real.

I love the sound
of your voice right now.

That's because I'm already drunk.

Good for you.

Just one more minute.
My husband got some good news.

Make a reservation.

Surprise me.

I should call my mother.

Don't go to the well.
There's no water there.

I don't even know
if I'm getting a raise.

I didn't ask. I forgot.

That's very noble. You see?

One doesn't need money
to be fulfilled.

Don't let those ladies
from the met hear you say that.

I should go.

Sorry to interrupt your lunch.

I heard you wanted to see me,
so I grabbed a sandwich.

What can I do for you?

Mr. Peterson's left the agency.

If that's your news,
I think you've been scooped.

So you've heard?

Let's just say he did not
"go gentle into that good night."

So you're probably wondering
where that leaves you.

Should I be worried?

No, I should say not.

We're making you Head of Accounts.

Spectacular.

Thanks a lot.

We're charting the course
of transition right now.

There are many details to come.

I wouldn't be much of an account man if
I didn't ask what it pays.

I wouldn't be much
of a financial officer

if I wasn't prepared
to disappoint you.

It's 21,

but we'll reevaluate this year.

Ken, this is not for broadcast.

There'll be a formal announcement.

Great.

Can you believe this?

What's the world coming to?

That is a big bottle.

That's not a bottle.
That's his date.

"My oh my,
what a big bottle you have."

"I'm sorry, honey, but I'm taken."

"I just pawned my typewriter
so we could be together all weekend."

The captain's about to announce
our descent into friendship.

- Quick refill?
- I don't know.

Don't you need something
to run the plane?

And what about you, mr. Hofstadt?

Excuse me?

I took a look at your luggage.

You're William Hofstadt?

Bill. Call me bill.

And this is my associate,

mr. Fleischmann.

Are you headed to Baltimore or DC?

- Baltimore.
- Well, how about that?

We're heading
to hausner's for dinner.

You should've been in line two hours ago
if you want to eat by 8:00.

Lorelei has made some inroads
with the maitre d'.

We have to check in and we have
an early meeting.

- Where are you staying?
- The Belvedere.

Well, this is too much. Us too.

7:30.

It'll be a hoot and a half.

Now you have to take
someone else's luggage...

Bill Hoffman's.

Hofstadt...

My brother-in-law.

He borrowed a suitcase
to go to Puerto Rico,

but he never tires of putting his name
on other people's things.

I've flown a few times,

but I've never actually seen
a stewardess that game.

Really?

Any plans tonight?

All I know is
to avoid grand central.

I heard Burt Peterson's
still at the bar.

Now now.

It had to happen, I guess.

He didn't put up much of a fight...

Not counting today, I mean.

It's a tough job.

No doubt about that.

I just want to let you know

I've always been
a big fan of your work

and I've been very vocal about it.

I appreciate that.

Maybe now things will
finally settle down.

That's true.

Listen, I just want to say

that through all of this

I know that you were
there reminding me that

I can do this job.

Well, you're welcome.

I guess it's
because I think you can.

- Have a good night.
- You too.

And my friend and I were listening
to some radio program

and we had
this huge bag of fritos...

We're not allowed in uniform...

So at some point
my friend stops eating,

but I can't.

And I ate all
of them and I got so...

It was quite unladylike.

And I still can't eat
them to today.

Too much of a good thing.

It happens.

I think accounting
sounds fascinating...

Going through other people's
bank accounts.

It sounds sexy.

Jesus, Lorelei,

how deep did you have to dig
to come up with that?

Why would you insult
a man's profession?

No, it's okay.

I don't usually tell
people I'm an accountant.

Listen,

I didn't mean
to insult your profession.

Don't sweat it.

Of course, you do know there are
different kinds of accountants.

Are there?

Tell 'em what we do.

I don't know, Bill.

I'm gonna have to
swear you all to secrecy.

You can't guarantee that.

You're right.

Well, someone just brought everything
to a screeching halt.

We'll be good.

You ever heard of James Hoffa?

You know, I don't just throw
away newspapers every day.

I also read them.

There is a lot of money missing.

And they don't really
keep receipts.

So you're a couple of G-men?

No, we're accountants.

Isn't the service exquisite?

I'm based in New York.
I'd always rather be there,

but it's my job to be out of town.

I don't know.

I keep going to a lot of places
and ending up somewhere

I've already been.

How about a nightcap?

I don't know.

Your face is red.

Order for us.

Felt self-conscious there
for a moment.

We're the only ones
without a uniform.

- Good night, Bill.

It's been swelly.

Well, this is me.

Let me see if it's different
than my floor.

What are we doing?

I don't know.

I'm engaged.

On the other hand...

You might be my last chance.

I've been married a long time.

You get plenty of chances.

It's my birthday.

Really?

Is it?

It really is.

Let me see your driver's license.

That's not gonna help.

Happy birthday.

Hello.

My air conditioner does not work.

It is stagnant in here.

Take your hand out.
I can't breathe.

Stand up.

Lorelei thinks you look
like ty power.

You remember him?

Go on.

And while you're distracted,
I'm gonna take off my shoes.

Is that okay?

Your turn.

Not yet.

Do you like?

Everyone's always asking me
if I was a model,

but I wasn't.

The one I have
at home is different.

I hope I didn't break it.

No, it's fine. Just a minute.

Thank you.

Airplane.

Oh, God.

Oh, Jesus.

- Whats that?
- Fire alarm.

Come on, let's go.

Come on. Forget your shoes.
Let's go. Come on.

Come on.

- Do you have
another cigarette?

Everything's okay, folks!

- Morning.
- Morning.

You ever get nervous wearing
that on the subway?

I don't ride the subway.

I do worry about
being followed, though.

I think lola takes
a horse and buggy.

She's never on time.

I'm not at work yet.

I don't want to sit
in my office and listen

to someone talk about
their water retention.

Peggy, brides are
very self-conscious.

If she's so worried
about getting married,

then why is she shamelessly flirting
with Moneypenny all the time?

Don't call him that. He hates that.

Are you defending him?

He's repellant. He reminds me
of a doorman.

And the typing she does for him?

God, I'm so glad I'm gonna be out
of here soon.

- That's very comforting, Joan.
- There's nothing I can do.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Mr. Pryce just called. There's a meeting
for the Heads of Accounts immediately.

Excuse me?

Mr. Pryce called a big meeting for you
and Mr. Cosgrove.

What are you talking about?

Whatever the circumstances,
it's nice to see you.

I'm just here to show you the continuity
of our service.

With or without Burt Peterson,
you are on our mind.

- I apologize.
- Morris, you remember Salvatore Romano.

I don't know how, but I left my plane
ticket at the hotel.

He's the guy with the marker
who always does what I say.

- Words, pictures.
- Sal, this is Howard.

Pleasure.

I don't remember...

Do you have a family?

Not yet. I have a wife.

Howard is my son. He's gonna be part
of this from now on,

starting with taking
you two gentlemen on a tour.

That's it?

You're not gonna say anything?

My father is extremely concerned
about the business right now.

Well, is it about our work?

We don't want to take credit
for everything,

but two of every three
raincoats sold last year

had "london fog" stitched
on the inside pocket.

Dad is worried that everyone

who is ever going to buy a raincoat
already has one.

Because a business has
to get bigger every year.

That's capitalism.

Well, our worst fears
lie in anticipation.

That's not me, that's Balzac.

Balzac, huh?

You are not Burt Peterson.

I've been investigating
umbrellas, bags, hats.

There are companies
that all they do is make hats.

London fog is a 40-year-old brand

that sounds like
it's existed forever.

You have established,
with our help,

that it means
one thing... raincoats.

New products aside,
there will be fat years

and there will be lean years,

but it is going to rain.

That's true.

Let's see if we can
find you some earplugs.

And now for Mr. Campbell.

- Why does he have Utz?
- Some of this was done

based on accounts, some of this
was done based on relationships.

You figure out
what happened with Utz.

So you decided all of this?

42 of every dollar at this agency
is spent in the television department.

But no, we did.

- What are these os for?
- Olson.

- She's all over the place.
- You know that's not true.

You're each taking
half the company.

Of course it's possible someone could
distinguish themselves.

Would be easier that way.

Can you believe this?

If you're upset, you seem
to be hiding it.

I'm excited. I mean.

I feel badly about Burt Peterson...

Three kids, wife with cancer.

But you greased up the chute
and shoved him down it.

What could possibly be the matter?

Why did you even accept this?
You have no interest in this.

Why wouldn't I want this?

Because you're no good.

They want us to hate each other.

I refuse to participate in that.

Very nice.

Very very nice.

Look at you... Never break a sweat.
You're right.

I should just lay down, and we should
run together, holding hands.

What time is it?

1:15.

We should be back
in the office by 3:00.

We're going back to the office?

I'm going to ask you something,

and I want you to be completely
honest with me.

London fog...

It's a subway car

and there's a commuter looking up.

There's a girl with her back to us.

She's wearing one

of those short tan ones,
but it's open.

Her legs are bare.

We know what he's seeing.

"Limit your exposure."

That's it.

Good.

Mr. Hooker, may I speak with you?

I thought it was a good idea
that P. P. l. had an office

for when visitors come.

Of course, it would make sense
for someone to be occupying it

in the meantime.

I rustled up an office for you.

I hope you find it
appropriate to your status.

My position.

It's near Mr. Pryce.
It's not exactly in the thick of things,

but you will have someone
to attend to your typing

to avoid you siphoning
off the man-hours.

My own girl...

- Of my choosing?
- I will have a lineup.

Did he take the ant farm?

No, it's actually mr. Cooper's.
It just lives there.

Hello, sweetheart.

Now don't be cross.
I'll only be a minute.

- Do you have a fever?
- No.

"Peter Campbell."

"The buck stops here!"

"The buck stops here"...

Unless it stops over there.

- What's the matter?
- There's two Heads of Accounts.

Kenny Cosgrove
and I are sharing it.

I'm so sorry.

I was sitting there
and they just...

read off a list of names,
a list of companies.

That's my life.

I know you won't like hearing this,

but you're a lot like my father.

You're an ambitious man,

and an ambitious man is
never happy with what he has.

Why does it always
have to be like this?

Why can't I get
anything good all at once?

This is an amazing opportunity.

They believe in you.
Don't turn it sour.

It's a test.

Why not just cut it short
and tell them I want it?

You can do whatever you want, but
they do not want to hear your outrage.

They want you to b*at Ken.

I know what they want, Trudy.

And honestly,

I don't know.

I can't live with this!

But you'll try.

That's great.

It's a great ad.

So how was everything in Baltimore?

Out of town. Don Draper.

- It was first class.
- Go on.

Two old married men.

There was a fire in the hotel,
but no casualties.

- That's too bad.
- For casting this lucky fellow

in the subway, what's he look like?

I don't know.

A little excited.

- A little shocked.
- No, what's he look like?

Handsome.

Your girl's gone.

I have Stolichnaya

and cuban cigars.

I sent them from Greece.

I should've tried a pound of opium.

Help yourself.

So Cosgrove versus Campbell.

Is Cooper playing God or Darwin?

I know it sounds japanese,
but it's not Cooper.

Lane read about it
in some management book?

I think it came
from the home office.

When he told me about it,
I thought he was joking.

I told him it was a stupid idea,

but they don't always
get our inflection.

Can I speak with you for a moment?

Come in.

What?

I just wanted to let you both know

how honored I am
with this promotion.

Help yourself.

- Not the Stoli.

Hello.

I was going to tell Don,

but I can tell you myself.

I have an old pal
at the mayor's office

that wants to do
a small campaign for...

I don't know... Something about

penn station.

It'd be my pleasure.

Is there any brandy?

Any glass will do.

I told him that despite life

under british rule,

we still had

a real yankee.

I don't care what they say...

London fog is a great name.

I like the ants.

There's no shortage
of distractions here.

Now if we can find a proper pub,

we'll have everything.

Why do you have this office?

I thought it was necessary

that we have place
for when superiors visit.

Of course, it would make sense

for someone to occupy it
in the meantime.

It's a hare-brained idea.

We just fired one-third
of their workforce.

It's unseemly to go through
their pockets as well.

A visitor's office is good,
but you sit out front.

Of course.

It was presumptuous.

This place is a gynocracy.

I hadn't noticed.

My only point is

if you decide to take
the train tomorrow

and you run into Carlton,
I told them we were busy.

Our stories are straight.

Sally has something to tell you.

I got it out of her.

Out.

Go ahead.

I'm sorry I broke your suitcase.

Find out how much it is to repair,

and it'll come out
of your allowance.

I don't have an allowance.

Then don't break things.

I just thought...

I just didn't want you to go.

Come here.

I will always come home,

and you'll always be my girl.

Your eyes look tired.

I don't sleep well
when I'm not here.

You squint too much.

You need reading glasses.

Daddy!

Are these for me?

Yes.

Give me that. It's a stickpin.

There you go.

Was I really in there?

Nine months.

Tell me about the day I was born.

Well, it was

the middle of the night

and it was raining

very hard.

I had just come home from work.

He did not feel like getting back
in the car,

but he did.

He took my suitcase

and my little stuffed eeyore
that I knew I was going to give you.