03x03 - My Old Kentucky Home

[bunniefuu]

And after that,
I played the nurse in Romeo and Juliet.

And after that I played Dorine the maid
in Tartuffe by Moli?re.

And I guess that's it.

Thank you, Hillary.

I'd love it if you could do the twist
one more time.

Thank you, Hillary. We'll let you know.

Harry, you are not in this process.
You're a spectator. Don't forget it.

Bacardi's coming in on Tuesday
to see if Daiquiri Beach has legs.

Don wants copy Monday morning
and art Monday night.

- We should probably have the whole team.
- This weekend? No.

I'm sorry, but we just heard about it.

- Bullshit.
- I have plans. I really do.

Well, I would love to work all weekend,
but I'm just a spectator.

Whose cr*ck did it fall through?

Because you are going
to spend the weekend being our sl*ve.

- No finger-pointing.
- The bad news is

they need five more vacation situations
for Bacardi rum.

The good news is
we're going to be out of your hair.

Jane and Roger Sterling's
garden party on the island.

- Derby day.
- You're going back in time?

Are any of you wearing seersucker?

I don't want to look like
a barbershop quartet.

- You're all going?
- I really wish I wasn't.

Well, then don't. Give me your glasses.
I'll go as you.

Sorry about that.

- Good luck, gentles.
- Sorry.

You know, we all started at the same time.

- I've been here six years longer than you.
- They hate creative.

My goodness.
I didn't expect to see you here.

- For a little while longer.
- Lovely to see you, Jane,

I mean Mrs. Sterling.

I'll catch up with you, girls.

I just stopped by.
Roger had my rings resized.

I keep losing weight.
Where are you living now?

Same old place, but we're looking.
We're thinking about Riverdale.

It's near Columbia Pres
and Greg wants a yard.

I don't know. I get a nosebleed
anywhere above 86th Street.

- God, it's so great to see you.
- Likewise.

Joan, I have a tiny favor to ask you.

They're doing construction
in front of the building

and my driver's gonna be circling,

so if you could have one of the girls
run down at 1:15 and flag him down.

Hello, Ginger.

Olive, from now on, there's no need
to include Mr. Crane in casting.

Of course.
And I brought you tea and coffee.

I'll just have whichever one you don't want.

I... Coffee. That's what I usually drink.
That's what I've been drinking, right?

Well, Lola said
you don't like a second cup of coffee

because it makes you edgy.

I want you to forget everything
Lola told you.

I left for an hour
to go get the nylons for tomorrow,

and look what happened.

Carla said he thought he was on KP duty.

- We don't have to go, you know.
- I said we would.

It's Roger and Jane.

I want to go. I bought a dress.

"The warmth of the climate
disposed the natives

"to the most intemperate enjoyment
of tranquility and opulence,

"and the lively... "

Licentiousness.

Go ahead.

"... of the Greeks was blended
with the hereditary softness of the Syrians.

"Fashion was the only law,
pleasure was the only pursuit

"and the splendor of dress and furniture

"was the only distinction
of the citizens of Antioch. "

- Gene.
- Hello, Don.

- How's Babylon?
- Bedtime.

It's all right. Go wash your teeth.

You just wait. All hell's gonna break loose.

Good night, Grandpa Gene.

- Like that.
- Paul Kinsey with a two-stroke lead.

- What is your secret?
- I use Harry Crane's paddle

and I pretend that's his fat head.

What kind of fruit do you put in this?

- It's rum and Coke. I don't know.
- A cherry? All we have is olives.

New drinks, new copy or both?

Bikinis that match the drinks and new copy.
Something cute.

"It's Bacardi-licious. "

"It's Bacardi-lightful. "

We're supposed to sit here
and pretend like we're on vacation?

- They're probably drinking mint juleps.
- Booze puts me to sleep.

I will take grass any hour of the day.
It helps me think.

When I was at Princeton,
I wrote my senior thesis

on the passions of the Stoics.

Mary Jane was my muse.

Paul helps me sleep.

Peggy, go get a blender.
Maybe we can turn this into a frapp?.

- You get it.
- I'm eating.

Olive?

- What are you doing here?
- Well, if you're working, I'm working.

- It's okay for you to go home.
- I already canceled my plans.

Phil and I were going to
drive up to The Cloisters.

And Steven, my son,
he's at Boston College.

He was thinking of coming down
with his girlfriend,

but I'm not sure that's working out.
He's picky.

Anyway, so Phil's taking a trip to the dump,
and here I am, no worse for wear.

Don't I seem as important as Cosgrove?

I mean, Campbell makes sense,
to the manner born.

- So you like to get high?
- Whenever I can.

My cousin used to know someone,
but he got married.

Who's your friend?

A guy like you?
There must be somebody you can call.

Yeah. No. Of course.

Sally, get up here.

I just walked backwards
all the way from the living room.

Zip.

You look pretty.

I look like an open umbrella.

Grandpa says you're going to a soir?e.

Don't bother him.

Go watch TV.

- Grandpa?
- I'm indisposed.

What are you doing?
You're going to break it.

- Who told you that?
- I've done it.

If it happens, I'll go get my little
screwdriver and put on a new one.

Jesus, I stink.

I can finish up out here.
You take a nice, long bath.

No. No, no, no.
Ettinger goes at the head of the table.

He's the chief of surgery.
It's where he always sits.

Not in your home, Greg.
Host at the head, hostess at the foot

or whichever is nearest to the kitchen,

- and then it's boy, girl, boy, girl.
- Who says?

Emily Post. Everyone.

Ronald Ettinger does not read Emily Post.
He's going to expect to sit there,

and he's going to expect me
and Rick Stolich to be his footstools.

Well, I won't have their wives think

you have a wife who doesn't know
how to set a table.

Joanie, I don't want
to have a fight right now.

Then stop talking.

A buffet would be slightly more casual
and people could sit where they will.

And we could put the chafing dish
that they gave us right in the middle.

Perfect.

Hey.

...urged by Republicans
to appoint a special prosecutor

to investigate the scandal-ridden
State Liquor Authority.

The governor has expressed confidence...

Carla.

Carla?

Is she here?

Look at you.

I know I look good for my condition,
but I'm still in my condition.

- Did they leave yet?
- No, I think they're in the living room.

Well, I've been robbed.

I had it right here and now I don't.

Daddy, what are you talking about?

I had $35. Now I have $30.

- Are you sure?
- Mr. Hofstadt,

why don't you go sit down
and we'll all look for it?

You'll look for it, will you?

Daddy, you know how forgetful you are.

I'm missing $5.

I'll give you $5.

Don, will you give him something?

- Here, Gene. Here you go.
- No, I don't want your money.

You people, you think money
is the answer to every problem.

No, just this particular problem.

Daddy, I'm sorry.
I don't know what you want.

I want my $5!

Well, I think I am finally ready to go.

Come on, let's go out in the yard.

I forgot how many tourists there are
in midtown.

They're like vermin.

Jeffrey, this is my colleague Smitty.

- How you doing, Jeff?
- Not bad. Not bad at all.

- So what do you have for us?
- What do you want?

I've got Dexies, Benzedrine strips, boo.

Probably get you junk
if you really wanted it.

- How do you know each other?
- Jeffrey's an old friend.

You're looking at the two great cocksmen
of Princeton '55.

The times you must have had.
Can we buy some dope?

I'll give you all four for $10, plus delivery.

I'm just kidding, but I should.
I mean, you never call me.

When's the last time I saw you?

- Give me your sweater.
- It's mohair.

- May I?
- Relax. Sit down.

You ever look out this window?

It's beautiful.

Nice to see you both. Isn't this something?

Betty, you remember Trudy.

Harry Crane. My wife, Jennifer.

Ken Cosgrove. We've met.

- Nice to see you all again.
- When are you due?

Any minute. Can't you tell?

That last month was the worst,

- but of course this is your second.
- Third.

- How old is yours?
- Eight months. Beatrice Grace.

Should we take a tour?

- I grew up in a club just like this.
- Me, too.

That portly fellow in the glen plaid,
second at DuPont.

The one next to him, Pan Am.

Don't hand out your card.

- Now you're getting ridiculous.
- Maybe it fell out of your pocket.

- It didn't.
- Well, I didn't take it.

- I didn't say you did.
- Not yet.

Will you stop it, Viola?

My name's not Viola. It's Carla.

Do you know Viola?

We don't all know each other, Mr. Hofstadt.

Done looking already?

Really?

- Are they still here?
- Yes, they're in Mr. Kinsey's office.

I know what they're doing.
You don't want to go in there.

- What are they doing?
- All I'm saying is,

they obviously don't want to work,
so you should just go home.

I love the commercials where the dog runs
right up to the bowl of food.

How do you make him do that?

- You starve him?
- So you two got a lot of girls?

sh*t.

Is that that old lady again?

- Let me in.
- Go away.

It stinks out here.

Come in quick.

What are you doing?

I know what you're doing. Who are you?

Jeffrey Graves, Princeton, '55.

Look, I need it for inspiration.

It's Saturday, for God's sake.

You can go home. We'll do the work.

Are you kidding?
We'll end up with nothing.

I've got some ideas we can kick around,

but you're gonna have to tell me your name,
sweetheart.

I'm Peggy Olson,
and I want to smoke some marijuana.

You won't like it.

How do you know what I'll like?

You never ask me how I feel about anything

except brassieres and body odor
and makeup.

I'd like to know how you feel
about a lot of things.

- Jesus. Give it a rest.
- Come on.

Just like a strong cigarette.

Can you believe this?

The sun shines bright

On the old Kentucky home

'Tis summer

And the darkies are gay

The corn top's ripe

And the meadow's in the bloom

While the birds make music all the day

The young folks roll on the little cabin floor

All merry, all happy...

Can we go?

What about the horse race?
What about supper?

Don't disappear. I want to dance.

And my old Kentucky home

Good night

I did this at home for her
with a little shoe polish.

She thought it was a scream.

I love it.

Weep no more

my lady

Oh, weep no more today

Can I get an old-fashioned?

We're on the same mission.

This bar looks like it was set up
by a blind man,

and there's no bourbon.

There's a hole at the end here.

I don't have a lot of time.

- Rye okay with you?
- You look like you know what you're doing.

I'm Connie, by the way.

Don.

Service always this good around here?

- You're not a member either?
- No, no.

Nice piece of property, though.

Who are you hiding from?

I am at work disguised as a party.

I'm at work disguised as a wedding.

I hate other people's weddings.

- Why's that?
- Make me nervous,

all those expectations.

And these poor kids in here,

that is a match made in the boardroom.

When I was a boy,

there was a mansion on the river
I used to paddle by in my johnboat.

Twinkling lights, violins,
girls giggling about something.

It's different inside.

- Where you from?
- San Antonio, New Mexico,

before it was a state. Don't ask me that. Old.

You look fit.

You ever see

A Midsummer Dream with Mickey Rooney?

A Midsummer Night's Dream?

By golly, you're prickly.

I'm Republican, like everyone else in there,

but somehow,
no matter how expensive my cufflinks,

I feel like I've got the head of a jackass.

Where I grew up, there was a roadhouse.

It boasted live music.
That meant a drum, a bass

and a player piano with nobody at it.

I parked cars.

Fancy people would go there.

They'd get loud, they'd get drunk,
but they wouldn't let me use the toilet.

So when nature called,
I'd open up a trunk and relieve myself.

- You didn't.
- I was 15.

There's probably some kid out there
doing it to us right now.

Where you come from?

Pennsylvania by way of Illinois.

We lost our farm, ended up in coal country.

And here you are.

A pleasure to meet you, Don.

Hell of a cocktail.

Rum. Have some.

Some rum?

If you were feeling it, you'd be hungry.

I am hungry, but it's not worth moving.

She is a riot. Makes me wish I had a job.

Bacardi Eisenhower.

What are you laughing about?

You do have a job, Jeffrey.
You're a drug pusher.

What is that, an English accent?

It's a little different than freshman year.

Kinsey was a real Jersey.

I guess that's why they have scholarships.

Get out.

You're arrogant. And you know what else?
You can't sing.

Take it back.

Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here not to fight.

Take it back, Graves.

Fine. I guess they kicked you out
of the Tigertones because you were too tall.

Graves...

We're done here.

And by the way,
I left the 'Tones because I had mono.

Fine. Why don't you sing a little
and let them be the judge?

I am so high.

I wish you were waiting for me.

So who are you waiting for?

A friend.

What is that like?

I don't know.

I don't think about it.

Right now, it's uncomfortable, mostly.

But it moves around in there.

It does.

I'm going to blame this on martinis, but...
May I?

She's not moving now.

Who are you waiting for?

My date.

You can't show up to these things stag,

but then you run into people.

I apologize. There was a line for the mirror
and I feel like I'm melting.

No trouble at all.

I hope they start playing some real music.
I'm in the mood to dance, aren't you?

Martinis.

Please, don't stand on ceremony. Dig in.

I'll cut the cheese.

What are you laughing about?

Everything is some private joke with them.

What were you giggling
about the other day?

- A code pink.
- What's that?

They put a call over the PA

whenever there's an
attractive unconscious female.

I've never heard of that.

- Me either.
- Sounds like where I work.

- I'm gonna check the roast.
- You need a hand?

- I don't think so.
- Nonsense.

- Allow me.
- Thank you.

Thanks.

You really have a lovely place.

I'm glad you like it. I did most of it myself.

You must do well.

It's not easy. Not that I'm complaining.

You think they make no money now?

You should've seen back when
Ronald and I were first married.

I taught kindergarten
and made three times what Ron did.

We lived in a pit.

But one day
you'll look back on this time and smile.

Just don't get pregnant.

Excuse me?

The last thing you want right now is a child.

I told her the same thing,
but she doesn't listen. She's a nurse.

You do what you want.

If Greg becomes chief resident,
then things will get easier.

The fact that Greg can
get a woman like you

makes me feel good about his future,
no matter what happens.

Bobby, Sally, suppertime!

You have to eat something.

You don't tell me what to do.

You either eat or you don't eat,
but there'll be no more of that.

I told you I'm not hungry.

- I want my money.
- You don't even know that you lost it.

Maybe you should lie down. Sally!

Grandpa, is this it?

Grandpa, is this your money?

I don't know. Let me see it.

Yeah, that's it, all right.

Well, that's a relief.
Sally, your food's getting cold.

Excuse me.

Why, thank you.

He's pretending like
we didn't have a fight on the way over.

He seems amenable right now.

I warned him that with this set

there was a good chance
one of my old beaus might appear.

- And yet they didn't.
- Which is a relief.

I don't want to. All I have to talk about
is work, which is verboten.

Well, that's nonsense.
You're very charming.

Come on. I'll talk.

They want to know
we're having a good time.

Well, we're really having a good time.

Haven't seen you two on the dance floor.

I don't move that well right now.

Don loves to dance,

but I think I'm disappointing him
because I don't feel like it.

Your asses are going to
wear out those chairs.

Roger.

Don, Betty, this is Henry Francis and...

Sherry Ardmore.

Henry works in the governor's office.

Don Draper. This is my wife, Betty.

Hank, tell them where
you were this afternoon.

- Roger...
- They're gonna read about it in the paper.

He just came from Pocantico.
Rockefeller married Happy.

She just got divorced a month ago.
She has four children.

You see? That's the first reaction.

Divorce is political hari-kari.

Now we'll be stuck with Goldwater.

The primaries are still a long way off.

- Why did Rocky marry her?
- They're in love.

We're going to dance.

Betty, Don,
are you sure you're not up for it?

I have got to bring a date next time.

"This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends

"This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper"

We got it. You're educated
and you sang in the Tiger...

- What are they called?
- Tigertones.

I went to the University of Michigan.

I went to Miss Deaver's Secretarial School.

Can you believe her?

I keep thinking about rum,
and I keep thinking about Cuba,

and I keep thinking about
how we're all going to die.

- We almost d*ed.
- But we didn't.

How about something about life?

Let's go on the roof.

And do what?

Think about Daiquiri Beach.
We need five more situations for rum.

On the roof is a good idea, actually.
A hammock right between the clotheslines.

And you still say Daiquiri Beach.

Are you working?

I think so.

You both can leave.

I'm in a very good place right now.

You left your purse in your office,
unattended.

- Someone could have stolen it.
- No one's here.

You think I don't know
what you've been doing in there?

- I don't know what to say.
- I've got nothing to hide.

Well, you're free to do whatever you want,
but you're not thinking about your future.

The thing is,

I have a job.

I have my own office
with my name on the door,

and I have a secretary. That's you.

And I am not scared of any of this.

But you're scared.

Oh, my God. You're scared.

Don't worry about me.

I am going to get to do everything
you want for me.

I'm going to be fine, Olive.

I really am.

Your expense report is ready
for your review. It's on your desk.

I need you to get the Dictaphone set up,

and I need a glass of water,
and then you can go.

That's very pretty.

Thank you.

- When are you due?
- Early September.

You and the First Lady.

Well, I think she looks a lot better.

You could dress like that.

Go to Lord & Taylor
and ask for my friend Bunny Appelle.

- She'll take care of you.
- You really know everything, Joan.

Honey, would you talk to your husband?

I don't know what I'm going to do next year.

He is going to be a tough act to follow.

Those people in Texas
will be crawling all over you.

If I ever need a pneumonectomy,
that's the man.

You heard me say it. Great hands.

Look, Greg, it's a complicated operation.

Christ, that's not what I meant.

- It happens.
- What happened?

I don't like to worry Joanie
about those kinds of things.

Come on. Everyone gets
a bad result every once in a while.

You know what? Enough shop talk.
This is not civilian conversation.

Do you want to play charades?

- Come on. You're terrible.
- No, I'm not.

Well, Joanie has many, many talents.
You should play for them.

- No.
- Come on. I'll go get it.

- You're all gonna love this.
- What do you play?

I am out of practice.

- Come on, Joanie.
- Wonderful!

Come on, just sing a little something.

It'll be just like the olden days.

We used to sit in the parlor after supper.

My mother would play the piano
while we read.

Just let me have another bite
and then we can go.

I guess we're the last ones to eat.
That's what my mother always said.

Family holds back.

You shouldn't be filling your plate.
You're the hostess.

- I'll get you some food.
- Come on. Come on.

- You should sit down.
- Okay.

Oh, my God! You're pregnant.

- You're so beautiful.
- Thank you.

Don't you just love looking at her?

Aren't they a beautiful couple?

I knew you two would get back together.

I never had any doubt,
no matter what the problem was.

I'll take care of her.

You don't like me.

I'm a nice person.

What's going on here?

I should've eaten something.

Will someone please get her
a glass of milk?

Don, can I talk to you for a second?

What the hell was that?

Your wife's drunk.

I don't know what I did
to get under your skin.

Roger, it's late.

You know, my mother was right.

It's a mistake to be conspicuously happy.
Some people don't like it.

No one thinks you're happy.
They think you're foolish.

You know, that's the great thing
about a place like this,

you can come here and be happy,
and you get to choose your guests.

Good night, Grandpa.

Get in here.

Sit down.

Where were we?

"The rustic manners of a prince
who disdained such glory

"and was insensible of such happiness

"soon disgusted the delicacy
of his subjects,

"and the effeminate Orientals
could neither imitate nor admire

"the severe simplicity
which Julian always maintained

"and sometimes affected. "