04x02 - Christmas Comes But Once A Year

[bunniefuu]

I'm worried that's
gonna hit the ceiling.

We always get a tall one.

Not taller
than the living room.

Let's go back to the other one

And stand next to it.

Hey, Sally. Sally.

Hello.

- It's Glen.
- I know that.

Well, you all just walked
right by me when you came in.

Sorry.

What are you doing back here?

My mom got married and now I'm
supposed to live with him.

I saw your new dad.
My mom said that would happen.

After they're married awhile,
they'll have a baby.

You should probably ask
for something big now.

Hi. Are you
getting a tree?

No, I'm working.

- What do you do?
- I bring twine over.

I get to cut it.

- Wow.
- Yeah, I made it.

Those are good colors.

We're leaving as soon
as I find you.

- Bye, Glen.
- Maybe I'll call you.

- Good time, bad time?
- Yes.

You've got a resume

From the girl you met
at the Ziegfeld theater.

- File it.
- Al Weaver at Johnson wax

Requested another
print of glo-coat.

And you got this very
important piece of mail.

Open it.

dear daddy, Bobby thinks this
is going to the north pole

But we should
keep up the roos.

- R-double-o-s.
- Too much television.

Bobby says he knows
that he doesn't deserve

A heath Kit radio
because of what happened

With leaving the freezer
open in the garage

But maybe Santa could choose from
a bicycle, a better pellet g*n,

A clock radio,
a transistor radio,

A drum set
and a bicycle.

I left that freezer open.

baby gene wants a fireman.

I don't know
what that means.

Adorable.

and I would like
the gold necklace

That you can put your initials
on that we saw at Macy's.

And most of all, I'd like you
to be here on Christmas morning

To give it to me,
but I know you can't be.

I'm sorry.

So a drum set, a fire truck...

The necklace is $30.

It's s. B.D....
Sally Beth draper.

And...

Get her some Beatles 45s

And him a transistor radio too.

Um, the girls went to Joan

And I don't want
to undermine her,

But are we allowed to bring a
friend to the Christmas party?

Lane scaled it back

To a glass of gin
and a box of Velveeta.

We're tightening our belts.

But you will be
getting a bonus,

Even if I have to
see to it myself.

Well, thank you.

I didn't want to have
to write a letter to Santa.

- Do you want this?
- Sure.

Send him in.

Ready Freddy.

It's been too long.

Nah, just long enough.

You look good.
Have a seat.

Jeez.

It looks like
an Italian hospital in here.

I know, I know.
Jane got a decorator.

I feel like with my hair
you can't even see me in here.

- Something brown?
- Maybe later.

What time is it?
Oh, look at that.

So I thought it'd be best if I
broached this opportunity in person.

Well, don't be fooled
by the setup here.

It's Potemkinville.

Well, maybe I can help.

I walked out of j.W.T.

With a present under my arm...
pond's cold cream.

It's $2 million, but they'll
never even notice it's gone.

How the hell did you do that?

Suffice it to say

The client and I are
in a fraternity together.

I can't handle
the account myself,

But I'm clean and sober now...

16 months without a drop.

- So when you said maybe later?
- What am I gonna say?

Look, if it doesn't work out,
you can keep the account.

What am I gonna say?

Yes.

There is one little caveat.

Name it.

I feel like I'm getting
sucked into that thing.

I don't want
Pete Campbell near this.

I was surprised
you took him along.

No comment.

Sugarberry has been selling hams for
30 years at a fairly steady rate

While doing in everything
they could to create sales,

And then we do this in a month.

We have to give them time
to reconcile that.

- Freddy!
- Ballerina.

I feel like the tin man.

Good to see you.

How are you, Freddy?

Couldn't be better.

I was just talking about you.

Freddy here just
ran in from the yard

With a $2-million account
in his mouth.

- Pond's cold cream.
- Well, that explains why you look so good.

A little early for that,
isn't it, don?

Very funny.

The pedigree of this account
is that it was boosted.

And I'll need to maintain my
personal contact to it creatively.

If that's all right
with you, don.

If you don't mind working
with this old thing over here.

I was counting on it.

- Oh, none for me.
- Oh.

- When can you bring 'em in?
- I'll be handling this one, Pete.

Well, Freddy,
I hate to bring this up,

But I do believe
it's on everyone's mind.

We all want to know if you can
be Santa at the Christmas party.

It's the role
I was born to play.

Francis residence.

Can Sally come to the phone?

Who may I say is calling?

Stanley. I have
a question about homework.

Sally, there's a young man
on the phone... Stanley.

- Hello?
- It's Glen.

Oh, hi.

Don't you wanna know why
I said my name is Stanley?

I guess.

Because this is private.

- Where are you?
- Where do you think?

I'm down the street
at my mom's.

How come you didn't move?

I don't know.

I hate it here.
I really really do.

Why?

I won't tell anybody.

Every time I go
around a corner,

I keep thinking
I'll see my dad.

Sorry.

- They're not gonna get back
together, you know. - Glen?

Especially now that she's
doing it with somebody else.

- Doing what?
Glen!

Well, don't worry.

One day they'll wake up
and they'll want to move.

You'll see.
I've gotta go. Bye.

Goodbye.

- Who's Stanley?
- A boy.

We will soon be charging
clients for this service

And Dr. Atherton will
in turn be charging us.

Significantly less.

Bert and I have been meaning
to work together for years.

Out in the open at least.

Very good then.
Shall we dim the lights?

No, beginning the presentation
with the film is a mistake.

Audiences will listen
to anything in anticipation.

See what I was talking about?

Simply said, we believe that at
the motivational research group,

We have brought the science
of consumer evaluation

To a point of precision like
that of a surgeon's scalpel.

No doubt, with the help of minds
like Dr. Faye Miller,

With whose work you are
already unknowingly familiar.

Faye helped develop
the indelible image

That has become the standard of
feminine hygiene advertising...

The carefree gal
in white pants.

It's right up there
with the polio vaccine.

Beyond demographic
information...

Salary, age,
marital situation...

We've tried to find
a way to select prospects

Who can really provide insight.

This test is our beginning.

Take a minute, fill it out

And please take a cookie.

What's it mean if we don't?

That you're a psychopath.

The point of this exercise is

To familiarize you
with our methods.

The point of the cookies is that everyone
should be rewarded for their time.

These questions
have been designed

To get at what
subjects really want

Instead of what
they say they do.

What are the real feelings
that exist below the surface?

For example, how would you
describe your father?

No matter what the answer,

It creates a level of intimacy
for the next question,

who makes decisions
in your household?

There's some pencils
if you need them.

I apologize.
I have an appointment.

That is yours to keep.

- Is that work? - No, it's me.
It's kind of silly.

Tell me when they pull the
curtains so I can get out of here.

- Do you want ice?
- Yes.

- What are you doing?
- Oh.

Saint Vincent's junior staff
Christmas party.

- At 8:00 in the morning? - Well, the shift
just ended and we have to do it soon,

Because Christmas and new year's
we're overrun with suicides.

- Well, uh...
- Phoebe.

And you're don.
I know.

- I hope we haven't met.
- Well, I'm right across the hall.

We wave to each other.

You met my friend Sarah.
She fell on the stairs.

Maybe you weren't in uniform.

Don't pretend that
you've never noticed me.

You always grunt when you put
your keys in the door.

It's not good, which is why I
am inviting you to my party.

I really appreciate
the invitation, Phoebe,

But I'm late for work.

So you should thank me
for waking you.

Tallulah Bankhead,
she's glamorous.

She seems more uncompromising
than a movie star,

You know,
because she's on Broadway.

She never got off Broadway because
she's not beautiful enough.

Shame on you.
Come on.

A little backstage at the
makeup mirror with pond's.

A big bouquet of roses,
opening night.

the choice
of professionals.

It's good, right?

All of their research says that
they're trying to get young women.

Well, young women
look up to older women.

For beauty tips?
Are you joking?

I know the client.
This thing is rigged.

- That's what he wants.
- It's not just about the client.

People are looking
at everything we do here.

Have you seen our work?
It's very different than this.

- Frederick van Rumsen!
- Von.

Boy oh boy,
were you missed at lunch.

Cal Rutledge from pond's.
What a cut-up.

- What do you mean?
- I mean I've got to go lay down.

- I can't believe
that's his job.

Hello. Can you tell him
Mr. Rumsen's on the phone?

- Interrupt him.
- What's wrong?

Calvin, do you have
anything to tell me?

Uh-huh.

Did you just have lunch
with Roger sterling?

So you have nothing to say?

Hey hey, don't do that.

It's okay.

Pull yourself together.

First baptist church,
79th and Broadway.

- I've gotta go.
- Is everything okay?

What, you can't put
two and two together?

Listen, cutie,
wrap your head around

Finding the right famous face

Or my other thing
about the t zone.

I want 10 tags apiece,

Then I narrow it down
and then we go to don.

Are you serious?

I'll do 'em too.
Don't worry.

I'm sure yours'll be better
because you're girlier.

Lee garner Jr.

Put him through.

- Caroline, did he say
what it was about?

Well, hello, Lee.
How's palm beach?

Beautiful. Heading back
there in a couple of days.

Back? Where the hell
are you?

In town doing a little
Christmas shopping.

Yeah, I'd love to see you now
that I know you're in town.

Caroline!

- How about dinner tomorrow?
- Christmas party.

How about lunch?
We're having a Christmas party.

Why am I getting
my invitation so late?

Because I thought
you were out of town.

Huh. Madison Avenue
office Christmas party?

I've seen the movies.
You find me.

Okay. 3:00?

- No, 4:00.
- 5:00.

sh*t. Go get Lee.

I'm looking forward to it.

You won't be disappointed.

Oh.

I just got off the phone
with Lee garner Jr.

He's going to stop by.
We're going to have to have a Christmas party,

- A real one.
- How did that happen?

It happened.
In fact, he was offended

That we hadn't
invited him already.

Uninvite him.

Take him to the four seasons.
He can have three entries.

This man doesn't care
about food.

I know that you've lived your
life from a bottomless pocket,

But there's a very real system of money
coming in versus money going out.

Overtime, supplies
being used carelessly,

Leaving the lights on,
parties... it adds up.

Listen, Olivier, aren't you the
one who's always talking about

How lucky strike is 99%
of our business or something?

69% if we land
pond's cold cream.

We have pond's and I hate
the way you say percent,

- Do you know that?
- What about our other clients?

We have no other clients.

If Lee garner Jr. Wants three
wise men flown in from Jerusalem,

He gets it.
Caroline!

Get Joanie in here. You want something?
I brought it from home.

- Yes? - There's been
a small adjustment

To the scale
of our Christmas party.

- Lower or higher? - Lee garner Jr.
Will be joining us.

I trust you will make
the appropriate improvements.

Well, I don't.
We need to change its rating

From convalescent home
to Roman orgy.

Maalox.

I want a bartender and a tree.

Screw him.
I love Christmas.

You love Christmas parties.

We're going to need
more employees,

So I'm going to allow everyone
escorts, even the girls.

New York food...
deli and Chinese...

And some kind of gift
for Mr. Garner.

You're off-limits.

I don't think he's the one
who needs to be reminded.

Oh, come on.

He was all over you the time
you wore that red dress...

The one with the bow in the back
that makes you look like a present.

- You have an incredible memory.
- Yeah, I think about it a lot...

That dress, I mean.

- Could you wear it?
- Stop it.

I didn't mean it that way.

All I was saying was this is
the office and that's life.

This is good

And that's life.

What a nice surprise.

Sheila at the station
baked them.

Sheila.
Who's Sheila?

Huh.
She's 60 years old.

You see how shaky the icing is?

Hey, knock it off.

Why?
Is Rasputin home?

Shh. She'll hear you.

I want to lie down.
I'm tired.

Uh-huh. My bed is
covered with work.

- That's kind of symbolic.
- How is my face?

Fresh, dewy, well cared for?

Let me get a better look.

You taste like soap.

I'm in the middle
of a seven-day beauty plan.

Can't we just

Get undressed
and lie together again?

That was a bad idea.

How long is this gonna go on?

Oh, I'm sorry you feel
you've put in the time.

- We're not doing anything.
- We're doing some things.

We're not doing anything
I can't do myself.

Mark.

I told you I want you.

In fact I want you
so much I wanna wait.

And I told you there's
nothing to be afraid of.

I want to be your first.

You're so old-fashioned.

No, I'm not.

In Sweden, they make love

The minute they feel attracted.

And it's healthier,
because you can find,

You know, the perfect person.

Because making love is a very important
part of a life with someone.

The most important.
In Sweden, anyway.

Where did you hear that?

I read this article,
the Swedish way of love.

It's very enlightened.

You're never going to get me to
do anything Swedish people do.

All you have to do is take a
couple of steps that way.

- I brought you cookies.
- Huh.

I think you should go home.

And I want you
to think about that.

Sorry.
Everybody leaves

The moment
you have to clean up.

I might have a vacuum.

Where the hell are
you coming from?

- Work.
- Where do you work?

The white horse tavern?

Did you have
a party or something?

- I hate parties.
- And you hate Christmas.

- I got it.
- I don't hate Christmas.

I hate this Christmas.

Of course you have heat.

Can I get you something?

Come on.
You're going to bed.

Look where we are.

- You're good with that.
- My father was a drunk.

If you don't behave yourself,

I'm not gonna take
your shoes off

And you're gonna wake up
with sores on your heels.

How can you stand going
to a hospital every day?

I love working
at the hospital...

People coming into the world,

People leaving it.

Everything happens there.

Good night, don.

Good night!

Against the wall,
please. Megan.

The bar looks good.
I need you to get

The chafing dishes
and the sternos.

Then call Peking house and move
the delivery from 4:00 to 3:30.

- They're always late.
- Yes, Joan.

That one.

On the short list I've got
Tallulah, Jessica Tandy,

Barbara Stanwyck and Doris day.

- Different types.
- I don't even understand your list.

What's wrong
with Elizabeth Taylor?

Isn't it about making
old ladies look good?

Nothing makes
old ladies look good.

But pond's does.
That's the point.

If young girls
started using it,

Maybe they'd find a husband
and they wouldn't be so angry.

All I was trying to say
is that I've used the stuff

And I think there's something
about the experience

Of putting it on
and looking in the mirror.

If we were to go another way,
that's not a bad idea.

Indulging yourself, right?

No, if you use pond's,
you'll get married.

That's not what I was saying.

Or we could go the other way.

If you don't use it,
then you'll never get married.

Which is better?

You know what?
Just write 'em down.

No, I'm not writing that down.

I'm sorry if I hit
a nerve there, precious.

You know, Freddy, I have
brought your name up 100 times

In the last year to come in
and freelance, for me,

But everybody is
right about you.

You and your grand dames,
your portable typewriter

And your desperate spinsters...

You're old-fashioned.
You know that?

- Miss Olson?
- Yes?

Everybody's leaving to get
dressed for the party.

- Do you need me right now?
- No, you can go.

I... I'm...

I'm sorry, Freddy.

Don't worry about it.

Is Violet coming?

She wouldn't miss it.

- Oh, thank you, dear.
You know Peter.

He'd rather spend every waking
second right here in the city.

Who'd want to miss Christmas
in New York? 5th Avenue...

Chestnuts roasting on a greasy
man's open street cart.

My goodness.

We're going to the Bahamas and
there's nothing else to it.

Harry spent so much time
in Los Angeles,

- I figured I'd treat him
to the mountains. - Stowe.

What about you, don?
Do you have any plans?

Yes, heading to Acapulco.

- Are you taking anyone special?
- No.

- Well, it's your own fault.
- Yes, I pity him,

Marooned in
that sea of bikinis.

- merry Christmas.

- Nice to see you again.
- And you as well, sir.

- Don.
- Okay. Don.

We're going to get
something to drink.

Where the hell is he?

They are children,

And they can't accept the fact

That others have to make
decisions for them.

So we are not part of this
herd you're talking about.

You're from Great Britain.

I'd think you'd be familiar
with the perils of socialism.

Civil rights is the beginning

Of a slippery slope.

If they pass Medicare,

They won't stop until
they ban personal property.

Storm our houses
and r*pe our wives.

Mmm. Mmm.

Man your battle stations!

Nice dress.
Where's Mr. Holloway?

Saving lives.

Everyone, ladies,
come on, let's go.

Don't forget it's a party.

Please please.

I walked in here five minutes
ago, no one did anything.

Merry Christmas, Lee.
That's quite a tan.

I work at it. When can we expepe
something for lucky strike

As good
as let me out of here!

Well, glo-coat told me
to swing for the fences.

Well, I didn't know
I had to ask, Donny.

We have gifts, girls and games,

But first I'm going
to get you some food.

Well, that's a good idea, red.

I've been drinking all day.

Don't turn
on the lights, shithead.

Come on.

If you hear anything, run.
Don't worry about me.

Whoo!

Megan, can you get
Mr. Garner a drink?

- Where's Santa?
- He didn't show,

But he did leave some presents.

- Joan.
- Well, I could've sworn

I conga'ed by a suit.

- You want to be Santa?
- Hell no.

How about you, Roger?

I would but I'm
allergic to velvet.

Come on. You'll do great.

- Are you serious?
- Damn straight.

I don't think so.

I'll do it.
I'd love to be Santa.

- Yes.
- Oh, come on.

It'd take three of you
to fill that suit.

Besides, everybody knows
Santa's got white hair.

Put it on, Roger.

Come on, Lee.

Put it on.

He's a hell of a sport.

Everybody just stay there.

- Call the police.
- Is somebody in the house?

Maybe it's a bear.

Hello?

I'm guessing it's kids.

Let me look around the house.

- Hello?
- Just stay here.

Where's your lovely wife, lane?

She and my son are in London.

I shall be
joining them soon enough.

Mine's in Florida.
I guess we'll suffer through, eh, Jeeves?

- Mmm.
Ho ho ho!

Merry Christmas!

It's hard to tell if he's father
Christmas or father time.

Merry Christmas!

That's a big bag, Roger.

Don't want you to have
a third heart att*ck.

Right, honey?

What have we here?

What do all the good boys and
girls want for Christmas?

- Lucky strike!
Thank you.

You're welcome.
Don't smoke those all at once.

And I have
a very special present

For a little boy who knows
he's been naughty.

Lee.

You didn't need to do that.

Yes, we did.

Look at that.

It's a Polaroid.

Thank you.

It reminds me
of when I was a kid.

Remember that?

You'd ask for something,
you'd get it

And it made you happy.

Merry Christmas!

- Merry Christmas, sweetheart.
- Merry Christmas, don.

Ho ho ho!

There's eggs in my bed!

You can sleep
in our room if you want.

My room's fine.

- Anybody home?
- Not for much longer.

I can't leave until
Geoff and Bert Cooper

Figure out how to take
food from children.

Well, if anyone can do it...

How many Christmas parties
do you have to go to?

I pity you.
Please, sit down.

No, I just want to make sure
there were no problems.

You really are
a full-service company.

It's just
you didn't take the test

And I know you're the
creative shaman around here,

But you walked out
of my presentation.

I'm disappointed.

I thought you came in to flirt,
but you came in to fight.

You have to know I found out
all I could about you.

Your work is very interesting

And I guess I was hoping
you thought mine was.

It's not personal.
I just don't think

You can learn much
about people that way.

I learned a lot about you.

You're the kind of man who
doesn't want to take the test.

I'm sorry.
I just don't see

How knowing about my childhood
is gonna help sell floor wax.

I saw that ad.

It's all about
somebody's childhood.

Look, we're both
in the same business.

I'm not embarrassed to say

It's about helping people somehow
to sort out their deepest conflict.

And what is that?

In a nutshell,

It all comes down to what I want
versus what's expected of me.

- That's true.
- I know it's true.

You would've known it's true if
you'd stayed for my presentation.

Want to get some dinner
or something?

No thank you.

But apology accepted.

Look, I know the holidays
are hard in your situation,

But don't worry.
You'll be married again in a year.

What?

I'm sorry.

I always forget...
nobody wants to think they're a type.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Harry.
Your turn.

Sorry sorry sorry.

sh*t.

I don't see anything.

Oh.
Here they are.

- I got 'em.
- Great.

Be right there.

- Forgot his keys.
- I'll give you a half an hour

- And then we'll meet you at Chumley's.
- Make it an hour.

- Might have to get some food in him.
- He's pathetic.

Hello?

- I'm really sorry.
- It's okay.

Switched my plans a little bit.

I'm getting you aspirin.
Don't say no.

Top right cabinet.

- How about some food?
- No.

- Thank you.
- Okay.

Well, I'll see you tomorrow.

Don't.

Don't what?

You smell so good.

I feel dizzy.

My goodness.

I know.

Oh! I'm supposed
to meet somebody.

Oh.

I should really go.

You sure?

Yes.

I, uh...

I understand.
It's okay.

Okay.

See you tomorrow, I guess.

Freddy.

I'm sorry I'm at your desk.

It was the cleanest spot
in the office.

Are you okay?
You didn't come to the party.

Oh.

It's been my experience

That when they give you
that Santa suit,

There's usually a bottle
already in the pocket.

Oh.

Thank God.

I don't want to worry that every
time I hurt your feelings

You're gonna
start drinking again.

Then why don't you stop
hurting my feelings?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I said
you were old-fashioned.

And I'm sorry I said
you wanted to get married.

I do want to get married.

Well, you've got to work less
and find somebody.

I have a boyfriend.

Is it serious?

I don't know yet.

He won't leave me alone.

It was that way with Violet.

Insatiable.

Oh.

Oh. Freddy, I don't want
to talk about this.

Hey, you brought it up.

I haven't done much work on
this, I have to be honest.

I need to get some coffee.

Fine.

I don't want to be alone
on new year's eve.

My two cents?

If you're gonna marry him,
you can't do anything.

He won't respect you.

What if I don't know?

Well, you can't lead him on.

That is physically
very uncomfortable.

It's not a joke.

Did you enjoy the
fuhrer's birthday?

May he live for
a thousand years.

Oh, my father used to say this
is the greatest job in the world

Except for one thing...
the clients.

Good morning.

Did you make it home
last night?

I did.
I did.

Come inside.

- What's all this?
- For your children.

I bought them the other day,

But I finally got them wrapped.

Thank you.

Want me to get the door?

No.

Do you need some coffee?

I had some.

It was quite a party.

- I really overdid it.
- Me too.

I, uh...

Thank you for bringing my keys.

I really appreciate it.

I've probably taken
advantage of your kindness

On too many occasions.

Excuse me?

I just wanted to say thank
you for bringing my keys.

Okay.

I know we talked about how
tough things are for the firm,

But I wanted you to know...

Well, here's the bonus
we talked about.

Merry Christmas.

Thank you.

Anything else for right now?

No.

Hey.

- Are you all right?
- Yeah, of course.

Do you feel different?