01x09 - Bad Hair Day

[bunniefuu]

(TYLOR SINGING) Donuts, got my donuts...

Oh, hey, morning, Giant Eye.
I... (STAMMERING)

You know what?
Wait, hold on, hold on. Um...

After the whole audition
disaster with Ms. Flint,

the jokester thing...

It's not gonna happen.

And, you know, between you and me,

I just never really felt
like I've, uh, fit in here,

if you know what I mean?

Never mind, forget it.

Today is a new day. Let's, uh, move on.

Keep our eye on the ball,

because today I am going
to be the perfect MIFTer!

(LAUGHS)

Great, okay, nice moment. Uh...

Here ya go. Can you
chew with your eyelid?

(CHUCKLES)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Good morning, MIFTers!

To start the day off right,
I brought donuts.

- (GASPS)
- Duncan! Donuts!

(TORCH FIRE FLARES)

- (ALL SIGH)
- (CUTTER WHISTLES)

- That was close.
- TYLOR: Sorry.

Should I have gotten bagels instead?
That seemed a little...

No, no, we love donuts.
But David doesn't.

DUNCAN: David didn't!

- David?
- David doesn't!

David didn't do donuts.

David. You mean the hair-in-the-jar guy?

The hair doesn't like donuts? Huh!

It's almost nine o'clock sharp.
Line up. We don't wanna miss him.

VAL: Double T, hurry!

TYLOR: Right, yeah, okay, let's do it.

I'm gonna do whatever
it is that we're all doin'.

I am on board for that thing, so...

CUTTER: And three, two, one...

Door!

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Good morning, David!

Davey... Lookin' good, pal.

Hey, how's my favorite
underling? Up top!

David! You were right, absence
does make the heart grow fonder.

Say hi to David.

Oh! Right. Yeah. Uh...

Hey, David.

It's, uh, good to see you.

Have a seat, David. There you go.

Comfy-cozy? Good, let's begin.

- (CHUCKLES)
- (FRITZ HUMS)

- (MUSIC STARTS PLAYING)
- Today we celebrate David Day. Why?

Because David was all
we could ask for from a MIFTer,

reliable and honest.

Is reliable and honest.

- And he was...
- Is.

Always ready with his unique
and wise words of...

(STAMMERING)

- DUNCAN: Profundity.
- Profanity!

Such as, "Live and learn",
or, "Haste makes waste",

or, "No parking Wednesdays,
: to : ".

Believe that one's a road sign.

David, there will always be
a special part of you here with us.

Aw, his spirit.

No! His hair.

: a.m., on this day, four years ago,

he was pulled into the shredder shaft.

(MIMICKING SHREDDER SHAFT)

DUNCAN: No more David.

So they say. But I believe
he's still with us.

All that was left,
a clump of pinkish hair.

DUNCAN: David.

David had luxuriant, healthy,
well-moisturized and conditioned,

glossy, glowing, well-groomed,

so naturally, thick and full of body,
and completely lovely hair.

And now, before we light
the Candle of Remembrance,

we must all

not get haircuts.

FRITZ: Hmm. Yeah, Francine.
You know what?

Don't take anything off the sides.

Why don't we just
leave it the way it is?

She's, uh, just cutting the air.

Right. It's "not a haircut".

Ah, so, we're all just here
to not get haircuts.

- You get it.
- Got it.

David never cut his hair. This is
our way of showing our respect.

He was really the perfect MIFTer, huh?

Yeah, think of everything
that you are, College Boy,

then think of the opposite.
That was David.

Oh, now, Duncan,
Ty-Ty here, he could be the one.

What? To replace David?

Sure! I know he's
as devoted to us as David was.

Ha! I laugh. Ty-Ty is no David.

Yeah, David once
repaired door stations

in a single day. Boom-bam!

Perfect attendance.
Never sick. Never late.

Boom-bam!

One week, he worked hours straight
without taking a break.

- Boom-bam!
- There isn't that many hours in a week.

BOTH: It was a leap week.

Whoa! If this not-haircut haircut's

gonna take so long to not cut my hair,

I'll have to get back down
to the office and feed Roto.

Yeah, and come to think of it

I forgot to remove the regulator
off the canister down in the shop.

I'll take care of it. You guys
keep not getting your haircut.

I'll feed Roto, take
care of the canister,

and then we can all light the candle
before the day is done.

(SUSPICIOUSLY) You sure you're reliable?

Those are some big, hairy shoes to fill.

Of course he is.
This is a chance for Ty-Ty

to show us that he's as reliable
and honest as David was.

TYLOR: Hey, Roto. Come on.
Hey, there, buddy.

- Got a yummy treat for ya.
- (ROTO GROWLS AND BARKS)

(ROTO SNARLS)

Fine. Here. Whatever. I tried.

I gotta get Cutter's canister anyway.

(MUMBLING AND GRUNTING)

(CHUCKLES)

Oh. How did you... Okay.

It's okay. Don't move. Come on.
Not gonna hurt ya.

Oh! No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no. Don't...

(INHALES AND SIGHS)

Hey, buddy, come on, Roto.
What do you say you come out and...

- (ROTO CHOMPS)
- (YELLS)

You little vermin ball!

- (GROWLS)
- No, no, no, no, no! Drop it! Drop it.

No. Hey.

No. Do not swallow.

- Roto! Roto!
- (YELPS)

Come back here!

(YELLS)

(PANTING)

David's hair means everything to them.

And if I lose it, they are
never gonna forgive me,

and they won't accept me
as a part of MIFT.

- (BLOWS RASPBERRY)
- I need that hair!

(GRUNTING)

(ROTO YELLING)

(SIGHS)

Oh, Francine, you're a true artiste.

Careful, you know, just
watch the eye st*lks.

(CHUCKLES) They're bleedy.

Hey, guys! Hey! Just want to
let you know everything is good.

- Of course it's good.
- Super good. Good. I'll see you later.

- Why wouldn't it be good, good, good?
- Any problems?

No. No! No, no problems.
Why would you even ask that?

And Roto?

- What about him?
- Did he eat?

Oh, yeah, yes, yeah, no.
Yeah, for sure. He ate.

Was he a good boy?

Yes...

See? Didn't I tell ya he was reliable?

- Yeah. Well, yes... No...
- You okay?

- (LAUGHING) I'm okay. Why would you...
- You don't seem okay.

Yeah, no. I'm okay, okay?
I'm super okay.

It's like that Origins of Fear class,
you didn't have your homework...

The thing is, I need to go to the...

Bathroom.

Number three or number four?

I'm not... It could be a while.
It's a stomach thing.

Oh. Number four.

I had barfolo wings for lunch yesterday,

so trust me, (LAUGHS)

you don't wanna know the details. Bye.

Yeah. Definitely number four.

This isn't a problem, Tylor.

You're reliable, all right?

All you gotta do is find Roto
and get that hair back.

All right, buddy? Just somehow
you gotta get that hair back.

FEMALE ANNOUNCER:
Attention Monsters, Inc. employees,

have a safe and hairy David Day.

Oh! Oh! Look at this! Look at that.

That's crazy. You know, I've always
wanted trampoline lessons.

You know, it's cheaper if you
use Goopon. Much better deal.

You're standing in front
of the coffee screamer.

Uh, oh! Right, right. Uh, sorry.

Uh...

There ya go.

Thanks.

Okay, cool, yeah. (CHUCKLES)

Oh, yeah, good call, good call.
I could use a snack too.

Yeah, awesome.

Hey, Roze. I finished
my paperwork early this week.

You're a doll, Gary.

And color-coded for
your filing pleasure.

ROZE: Such a charmer.

- GARY: That's right. (CHUCKLES)
- (GASPS)

GARY: Charm school. Top of my class.
TYLOR: Jackpot!

Can I help you?

Help me? No. Well, yes. No. Well...

Look, I was just...
Somebody left their purse here.

I was trying to find out whose it was.

Could be Rivera's, actually.
You know, the "R".

Hey, Josh! Is this your purse?

No, mine has a "J".

What are you really up to?

(SIGHS) Okay. Look,
I'm gonna be honest with you.

I've been trying my best to be
a really good MIFTer lately, but, uh...

You know, I'm trying to
be honest and reliable.

But I keep letting them down
and now I'm kinda in this situation

where, long story short,

I gotta get a lock of your hair.

Huh?

- I'm calling security.
- No.

No. You don't need to...
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bother you.

(SNARLS)

Bye.

Roto, wait! Wait, wait,
wait, wait... Roto!

Double T! There you are. You okay?

Uh, hey! Yeah, sure, yeah, I'm fine,
fine. Why would you ask?

You had the barfolo wings.
So, you know...

Right, the stomach thing.

Yeah, feelin' much better now,
thanks for asking. Yeah.

You can come to lunch. Cosmic!
We'll have lunch with David.

No! No! We don't want to go
down there and bother him.

We're not gonna bother him.
We're gonna meet him.

Where he always has lunch.

Whoa!

FEMALE ANNOUNCER: Attention all employees,

- the Door Division has been unhinged...
- (VAL HUMMING)

... due to a temporary power outage.

Annual David lunch?

Want a sandwich? We've got roast beast,
we've got ham and sleaze...

Thanks, but had a big breakfast.
Stench toast.

So, David had lunch in the hallway?

Has lunch in the hallway.

Yes! He used to eat his lunch
in the hallway on the way to a repair.

David? Yeah, yeah. He had great hair.

- From tip to toe.
- I used to have hair.

Speaking of David's hair, how'd
you manage to get some of it?

Found it in the shredder shaft.

Right, the shredder shaft.
Yeah, you mentioned that before.

So, where is that?

It's where dead doors go to die.

When the Door Division's records
show that a door is no longer safe

and must be decommissioned,

the door is redirected
to the shredder shaft.

Here, the door is
removed from its frame,

placed onto a conveyor,

and then the hinges and knobs
are detached for reuse.

Next, the door is blasted,
first with heat,

then with sand,
to remove stickers and paint.

And at last, the final stage,
wherein the door is ground to sawdust.

And blown into the vents of oblivion!

Leaving one rife
with existential pondering.

So, the shredder shaft, that's where
David's last repair job was.

Routine repair. Doorknob jam
in Shredder Shaft B.

And ever since the accident,
it's been shut down.

Oh, hey, jeez, you know,

I think I feel those barfolo
wings coming for me again.

Yeah, so, excuse me.

Oh! A number five.

(PANTING AND GROWLING)

Huh.

(GROWLS)

Hey, look at that. That was easy.

(MACHINE WHIRRING)

Whoa.

(GRUNTS)

Kid. No! No! No, no, no! Come back!

(GROANING)

No! Turn... Somebody turn those off.

Those are hot. Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Okay.

(EXCLAIMS)

Yeah, what is... (YELLS)

Oh, no!

(COUGHING)

Whoa!

No, no, no, no! Ah!

No! Ah! No, no, no, no, no!

(WHIMPERING)

(YELLS)

Okay. (PANTING)

FRITZ: Good morning, David!

- VAL: David!
- CUTTER: Davey.

VAL: I believe he's still with us.

(ECHOING) He's still with us.
He's still with us.

He's still with us. He's still with us.
He's still with us.

(ETHEREAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(GROANS)

(BELL DINGS)

(MALE CHOIR SINGING)

Hello?

MONSTER: Hello, Tylor.

TYLOR: Oh! Uh...

Oh, no. Oh, no. No, no.
Am I... Am I, uh...

MONSTER: Go into the light.

Wait, you mean, I am, or...

MONSTER: Every cloud
has a silver lining.

So I'm not? I just... I wanna be clear.

MONSTER: Time waits for no one.

TYLOR: Oh, wait, are you...
Are you David?

MONSTER: The grass is always
greener on the other side.

Yeah, you're definitely David.

Hey, look, between you and me,
these are all pretty common sayings.

DAVID: Ask a silly question,
get a silly answer.

I've heard that before.

- DAVID: Don't judge a book by its cover.
- And that one.

DAVID: Boondy Bear had no hair,
that bare-haired bear.

Right. Speaking, actually,
of Boondy Bear and the hair,

I really need a favor.

Love is all you need.

And hair.

If you could give me some of your hair,
that would really help me out.

Yield to oncoming traffic.

Yeah, so road signs are not sayings.

DAVID: It is done!

Oh, wow! Thanks, David.

Oh, hey, hey, before
you dissolve or whatever,

uh, I have a question.

You know everybody at MIFT loves you,

and I was just kinda wondering,
what's your secret?

DAVID: Be reliable and honest.

Right.

Hmm.

DAVID: And don't eat barfolo wings.
They can give you a number six.

(GROANS)

(SHUDDERS)

(ROTO GROWLING)

I'm begging you, please.
I'm really begging you here, Roto.

Just cough it up.

- Because I'm running out of time here.
- (DOOR OPENS)

Roze?

I mulled it over, and I decided
to give you a lock of my hair.

Oh, you did? Great. Why?

You remind me of another young employee,

full of passion and zeal,
brimming with untapped talent.

- David.
- Me.

Of course. Well, thank you.

What can I say? I'm a people pleaser.

Wait a second, your hair isn't cut.
Where did you get this?

Don't ask questions
you don't want the answer to.

(ROZE LAUGHS)

(SIGHS)

TYLOR: There. Like
nothing ever happened.

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

And now it's time to light
the Candle of Remembrance

in honor of today, David Day,

a day we devote to celebrating David.

And the very special gift
that he left us with,

his dazzling, beguiling,
and very, very, very, very good hair.

So, let's take a moment and admire it.

- Something's different.
- (MUSIC STOPS)

DUNCAN: You're right. I can't quite
put my finger on it, but there's...

There's something not
right about David's hair.

Oh, gosh, it's true.
Look at it, the color is way off.

Like somebody switched it out
with somebody else's hair.

What happened to the hair?

(ROTO GRUNTING)

Fine! Okay. I admit it.
It's not David's hair.

Duncan's Roto pet thing ate it,
and then, I tried to catch him,

but he got sucked into the tube.

Then I tried to get some of Roze's hair,
but that didn't work.

So I went to the shredder shaft,
where I nearly got k*lled.

Met the ghost of David.
I see it now, great guy.

I found Roto after that,
but he wouldn't hack up the hair.

Roze gave me some of hers.
Not sure where it came from.

That's what's in the jar. It's all
because I wanted to be a jokester,

that won't happen, so I was
trying to be a good MIFTer,

and I blew that too.

- You went into the shredder shaft?
- (TYLOR SIGHS)

Duncan's right, I'm the
exact opposite of David.

But David was honest.
And you just told the truth.

There is nothing more honest
than telling the truth.

Unless you're lying
about telling the truth,

which means that the lie
is actually the truth,

but the truth is a lie.

Oh, my goodness,
this makes my brain hurt.

And as for reliable,
you found some hair.

Ty-Ty, a wise monster once said to me,

"Boondy Bear had no hair,
that bare-haired bear".

And I have no idea what that means.

Maybe it means you're the opposite
of the opposite of David.

And besides, you didn't have to
go to all that trouble.

Yeah, I got a whole bag of Davey's hair.

Keep it in a foot locker under the
stairs. That guy was a shedder.

Ah. Of course. Of course he was.

So you actually saw David?

Yeah, I guess. Sort of.

See, I knew he was still with us.

And I can see why you
all liked him so much. He is...

Just as weird as you guys.

(CHUCKLES) You're right, Double T.
David was a true MIFTer.

And it takes one to know one.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Improv! That's short for "improvisation"

which is long for "improvise",

which basically means
making stuff up as you go.

You're in for a very special treat,
dear students,

because I, Mike Wazowski,
am the master of improv.

You call out anything.
And I will become it.

Here's an example. Soccer ball!

Kick me! Kick me!

Here's another one. Beach ball!

Toss me! Toss me!

Bowling ball! Roll me! Roll me!

See how it works? All right,
class, lay it on me.

Come on. Give me a tough one, I'm ready.

Like I said, I can do anything.
I can be anything.

Uh, an ice cube.

Uh... No. You can do
better than that, come on.

- A cheese cube?
- MIKE: Mmm.

- Way too cheesy.
- A dice cube?

Give me a challenge.
Challenge me. Go for it.

Uh...

A box?

You don't get it.
I can't work like this.

I just can't work like this.

I'm very depressed right now.
I'm just very depressed.

(MALE CHOIR SINGING)

(MALE CHOIR SINGING)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

CUTTER: Davey!

Whoo!

Davey, Davey, Davey! Dave-alicious!

I love you, man.