01x09 - Pinned to the Mat

[bunniefuu]

(bell rings)

♪ When I wake up in the morning and the alarm gives out a warning ♪

♪ I don't think I'll ever make it on time ♪

♪ By the time I grab my books and I give myself a look ♪

♪ I'm at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by ♪

♪ It's all right ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell ♪

♪ If the teacher pops a test I know I'm in a mess ♪

♪ And my dog ate all my homework last night ♪

♪ Ridin' low on my chair, she won't know that I'm there ♪

♪ If I can hand it in tomorrow it will be all right ♪

♪ It's all right ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the bell... ♪

♪ It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the-- ♪

♪ It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the-- ♪

♪ It's all right, 'cause I'm saved by the bell ♪

It's Career Week at school, and everybody's excited.

I'm not.

It's the first sign our parents aren't gonna support us forever.

I didn't know you wanted a career in medicine.

Why not? I'm sick of school.

Zack, do you really want to become a doctor?

Well, Kelly, what I'm looking for is the most amount of money for the least amount of work.

"Jack in the Box" already has a clown.

Very funny.

Actually, Kelly, I want to be a game show host.

All you have to do is brush your teeth and smile.

That's all we need, a male Vanna White.

I'm kind of thinking about being a housewife, or an actress.

Do you think I'd be a good actress, Zack?

Oh, fantastic. Every night you star in my dreams.

Hey, Screech, what are you doing? Moonwalking.

I want to be an astronaut and go into space.

Be sure to get a one-way ticket.

Hey, Slater, what career table are you interested in?

Hey, right now the only thing I'm interested in is my wrestling match against Valley on Friday.

Well, Slater, you really ought to think about your future.

Good idea. After practice, let's go to the beach.

No women! The man is in training.

He's wrestling Marvin Nedick, Valley's undefeated champion.

What's with you, Preppie?

Why are you so interested in helping me?

Time out!

What our contestants don't know is that every year I've bet against Nedick and every year I've lost.

But this year he's going up against Slater.

Now, Don, tell our audience what I expect to win.

Well, Zack, Marvin Nedick's dirt bike, with steel-belted radial tires, molded handgrips, plus a comfort cushion seat and racing stripe.

Retail value? Over $500, Zack!

(audience applauds)

Time in!

I don't need your help, Preppie.

I'm gonna flatten Nedick in the first minute.

Time out!

Yahoo!

Hey, you guys, I finally decided what I'm going to be.

Well, welcome to "Guess Lisa's Career."

Let's meet out first contestant. Jessie, tell us where you're from.

Shut up, Zack.

Is that near San Diego?

I want to be a fashion designer. Move over, Calvin, it's time for my name to be on everyone's behind.

Good answer, good answer.

Hey, Max, how did you pick your career?

Well, it was a choice between being a magician, or running a restaurant.

How'd you decide?

I was much better at flipping burgers than I was pulling rabbits out of my hat.

See what I mean?

And shall we all try and guess what career Jessie has chosen?

Hey, who are you? Zack Sajak?

Hopefully.

I want to be a lawyer.

I'll design your briefs.

And now let's hear from the beautiful Kelly Kapowski.

I've changed my mind. I wanna be a judge so I can lock you up.

Kelly, have you decided what you want to be?

Hey, wait a second, you're in fashion.

I'm the host here.

I still want to be an actress, but I also want to be a mom and have lots of kids.

And one day, I'd like to help you with that.

Why have a litter of Preppies when you can have a bunch of little stud-muffins like me?

You'd have to have a good job to support a big family.

What kind of career are you planning on?

Career?

Well, I-- I--

Hey, the man has a career!

You've heard of Hulk Hogan? He's "Slammer Slater!"

Yeah. Yeah, that's what I'll be.

I'll be a wrestler.

Well, that's fine for now, Slater, but what are you gonna be when you grow up?

All: Yeah, Slater. Jessie: You gotta decide.

Now let's try and guess what career Slater has chosen.

Jessie: It's a very crucial decision.

(knocking on door) Come in!

Can I see you for a second, Mr. Belding?

Certainly.

Time's up. (laughs)

I'm just kidding. What can I do for you?

Sir, I have a problem.

It's kind of personal... but never mind, I can see you're busy.

No, no, no... I am never too busy.

Come on in, son. Consider me a friend.

A compadre. One righteous dude.

Okay.

Mr. Belding... you see, I'm having a problem choosing a career.

Did you know what you wanted to be when you were a kid?

There were times when I wanted to be a test pilot, or a race car driver, or stuntman.

But they didn't offer the same sense of risk and adventure as school administration.

I can understand that.

You know, in high school I did have visions of becoming a professional basketball player.

What stopped you?

Sister Agnes.

She kept blocking my lay-ups.

Besides, can you imagine me dribbling down the court at 50, with my belly hanging out and my love handles tripping the referee?

My gosh, I would have looked foolish in that uniform.

I remember the time when I was in high school I cut down the court to my right, they fed me the ball...

Welcome back to Bayside.

It's just great to see all you guys again.

You know, there never was a class like yours.

Gotcha, Belding!

That's still great, Max.

And now, the first judge ever to graduate from Bayside --

Judge Jessie Spano.

(crowd cheers, applauds)

We're honored, Your Honor. That pleases the court.

Oh, Lisa, I just love your jeans.

They are fabulous! Well, yes.

The name Lisa stands for quality, and I'm behind every pair I sell.

(beeping)

What's that?

Wow, Captain Screech Powers, great space explorer.

Even you achieved your dream. What is it like in space?

Far out. Have a Mars bar.

Is there really life on Mars?

Not really, all the good clubs close at 9:00.

And now, Bayside's favorite son, and the most successful game show host ever, Zack Morris.

Thank you, Richard, and hello, Bayside.

Let me introduce my lovely wife, Kelly Morris.

Now, Kelly is gonna present you with a brand new, 19-inch, cable-ready TV!

Well, Kelly, you're a successful model, a former Miss Everything, what else is new?

Now that I'm married to Zack, we have a beautiful home, three kids, two cats, and a dog.

Retail value of home, kids, and pets:

$732,000.

Hey, everybody, remember me?

That can't be Slater.

It is. He's lost 30 matches in a row.

Honey, he's over the hill.

That's because he never picked a career during Career Week in school.

Wow, he used to be a jock.

Now he's a joke.

And that's how I became the Flo-Jo of principals.

Well, son, I hope I've been of some help.

More than you know, sir.

(mimicking engine revving)

Hey, picture it, Screech -- we're cruising down the coast, wind in our hair, and chicks just begging us for a ride.

No room, baby. Maybe next time.

When I win Nedick's dirt bike, this fantasy will become a reality.

What did you bet against Nedick's dirt bike?

My dirt bike. But you don't have one.

What are you gonna do if you lose?

I can't lose. Nedick's wrestling Slater.

Okay, babes, hop on.

I'm driving.

Screech, what are you doing?

Cruising for chicks.

In the boys locker room?

(whistles)

Hey, Slater, shouldn't you be at practice?

I heard Nedick's threatening to tie your tongue to your toes, and use you as a hula hoop.

He said that? Mm-hmm.

Who cares about wrestling?

Well, I do.

Your fans do.

I do.

Look, forget about it, Preppie.

You think I wanna end up an overweight, beer-bellied laughingstock?

My mom always said you could be anything you want to be.

I quit wrestling.

What? You quit wrestling?

What, are you crazy? No.

I'm off the team.

This is bad news.

Not for Slater. Now you'll be Nedick's hula hoop.

Hey, Zack, here's your fries and hot dog.

I'd rather have a guard dog with fangs.

If Slater doesn't wrestle on Friday, I'm dead meat.

Slater reminds me a lot of my dad.

What, your father's a 15-year-old wrestler?

No, a 50-year-old taxi driver.

One day he decided to give it up, and stay at home.

So my mom put an apron on him, showed him the kitchen.

By dinnertime, his meter was running.

Interesting.

(deep voice) Hello, Major Slater?

This is AC's guidance counselor at Bayside.

My name?

Mr. Footer, Frank Footer.

I'd like to talk to you about your son, AC.

He has a lot of free time on his hands since he quit wrestling, and I think he should join...

So, champ, how you keeping busy these days?

What's it to you?

I figured that without wrestling, you have a lot of free time on your hands.

I hope you've found a constructive way to fill it.

You know, my dad said the same thing.

You're kidding.

I'm sure whatever advice he gave you it's worth following.

It wasn't advice, it was an order.

Then you'd probably get in a lot of trouble if you didn't listen.

Yeah, probably.

He wants me to find an after-school activity to replace wrestling.

And suddenly girl watching doesn't count.

There is one after-school club where you can't help but watch girls.

Yeah?

Yeah, but I don't want to interfere.

Wait a minute.

Go ahead, I'm listening. I don't know, Slater.

It takes a special kind of guy to be in this club.

Try me.

Think you're man enough for the Cooking Club?

Cooking Club? What, are you crazy?

That's for girls.

Hi, guys. Bye, guys. I'm late for Cooking Club.

So am I. Thanks for the tip, Preppie.

Slater in an apron?

He'll be laughed right back into the gym.

Hey, even I'll make muffins to see that.

Today we're going to make a layer cake with chocolate, vanilla, and lots of gooey fudge.

So put on your aprons before the food starts to fly.

You look pretty in pink, Preppie.

Thanks for noticing.

You'll all find recipes on your counter.

Step one: throw them away!

Because I like to cook the way I feel, and I feel good.

♪ Da-da, da, da-dah ♪

♪ Take two eggs, da-da, da, da-dah ♪

♪ And mix them around ♪ All: ♪ Da, da-da, dah ♪

♪ Take some butter, don't drop it on the ground ♪ All: ♪ Da-da, da, da-dah ♪

♪ Put in some milk ♪ All: ♪ Da-da, da, da-dah ♪

♪ Then add some flour ♪ ♪ Da-da, da, da-dah ♪

♪ And what you've got is done in an hour ♪

♪ I'm bakin' a cake ♪ All: ♪ Whew! ♪

♪ I'm bakin' a cake ♪ ♪ Whew! ♪

♪ I'm bakin' a ca-aa-ke... ♪

♪ Cake! ♪ All: Whew!

Mine looks good. Let's see how the rest of yours turned out.

(tapping feet)

Not bad.

Not terrible.

Ooh, not edible.

Now this takes the cake. Young man, you are a talent.

Perfect form, perfect consistency.

Mmm!

And it tastes good, too! Everyone, taste this.

Ooh, not too much. I'm taking this home.

Slater, I didn't know you were such a great cook.

Neither did I. Try some, Zack.

This is terrible.

It's moist.

It's light.

It's delicious.

I'm a hula hoop.

Slater, I can't believe you made this cake.

It's wonderful.

I am really impressed. I never knew you were so sensitive.

I love sensitive guys.

Really?

You know, I cried when I cracked that last egg.

Zack: Oh, come on.

Lisa, a bologna sandwich turns me into an emotional dishrag.

Wring it out in the kitchen.

Okay, okay.

So Slater's cake rose to the occasion.

Well, if you can't b*at them, bring in someone who can.

Hey, Slater.

Hey, Nedick.

I hear you gave up wrestling to do some baking.

That's right. And you're lucky.

I'm gonna be a world-class chef.

These hands are gonna be cracking eggs instead of your neck.

Ooh.

I bet you look real sweet in an apron.

Is that right? Hey, tough guy, before you put him down, you should try his cherries jubilee.

I see you've got girls fighting your battles now, Betty Crocker.

Slater isn't gonna stand for that.

Nedick, I'm a lover, not a fighter.

Hey, you're right. He never left his seat.

To me, you look like a chicken.

(clucking)

Let me tell you something, Bubba, it takes a stronger man not to fight.

So why don't you go back into the mist with the other gorillas?

Ooh.

Morris, we gotta talk.

Now. Now is good.

So how's school? Shut up.

My next thought.

About our little bet, you lose.

But the match isn't until Friday. You might as well forfeit now.

Who's gonna take Slater's place, you?

Look, Slater will be there. Don't worry.

Who's worried?

Come Friday, I'm gonna be riding something in the dirt -- either your bike, or your face.

Boy, is he stupid.

What's he gonna do, kick-start your face?

Zack, I've always dreamed about going into space, but I didn't want to be launched by Marvin Nedick.

Neither do I. Come on, Screech, you're my last hope.

And when Slater sees you dressed like this, he won't let you wrestle Nedick.

You sure?

Trust me, he'll come flying out and pin Nedick before you can say, "Hey, that's my arm. Give it back."

And if you're wrong?

Well, we'll call it, "The Screech Memorial Gymnasium."

You'd do that for me?

Wow.

All right, what do you want to show me, Preppie?

Make it quick. I've got a quiche in the oven.

I just wanted you to see who's gonna wrestle Nedick in your place.

Screech?

(laughing)

Don't worry, Slater, you'll be safe in Cooking Club.

I'll take care of Nedick. You go hide behind your apron.

Take it on home, Zack.

Come on, Zack, is he really gonna wrestle Nedick?

Yeah. You just gonna stand there while Screech gets sliced, diced and put on ice?

No. Actually, I have to check on my quiche.

All: ♪ b*at, ba-b*at, ba-buh-buh-buh-b*at, b*at ♪

♪ b*at, ba-b*at, ba-buh-buh-buh b*at, go Bayside! ♪

♪ b*at, ba-b*at, ba-buh-buh-buh-b*at, b*at ♪

♪ b*at, ba-b*at, ba-buh-buh-buh b*at, go Bayside! ♪

(cheering)

Who are you? Screech "The Body" Powers.

What are you doing? Trying to intimidate you.

How is it working?

Where's Slater? I k*lled him.

I wanted first cr*ck at you.

Out of the way, you little twerp. Hey, tough guy.

Here's a hint of what's to come.

Had enough?

What is Screech doing out there? Is he wrestling Nedick?

Oh great, just my luck. He'll throw Screech in my lap.

Quit now while you're still standing.

Move aside, shrimp. Hey, butthead, your mom's ugly, your dad's ugly, and your dog's ugly.

Hey, my dog is not ugly.

You're right, he's not, compared to you.

Hey, Screech, we've gotta talk.

Not now, Zack. I've got him right where we want him.

I hope he stays there, because Slater's not coming.

Not coming?!

Nedick: Hey, shrimp!

I'm taking care of you now. I'm not waiting for the match to begin.

Neither am I.

One, two, three. Pinned. I lose.

Congratulations, smooth takedown.

(screaming)

All right, Nedick, hand him over!

Don't talk about his dog.

Now, let's see how you do with someone your own size.

(birds chirping)

Bayside. Slater, you were terrific.

But I thought you were gonna quit wrestling?

My quiche blew up, and I realized -- hey, I didn't care. I'm just a kid.

I don't need a career right now.

Yeah, we feel the same way. We'll worry about it next year.

What happened? I flattened you, wimp.

I finally b*at you, Nedick. Your dirt bike's mine.

I won the bet.

No, Zack, you lose.

Gambling is a no-no, and I am sure you know what that means.

Uh-huh, an all-expense-paid trip to detention here at lovely Bayside, the detention capital of the world.

(instrumental theme music plays)